Targets Can Become Social Chameleons

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Fake it until you make it. When you’re a target of bullying, you learn very quickly to either blend in with the people around you or get eaten alive by bullies. Some targets learn self-monitoring and to rehearse everything they do and say.

The mind equips itself with scripts for every situation and conversation. You pay very close attention to social cues and will mimic others behavior. It proves to be a useful skill. In short, victims of bullying can become social chameleons.

As you get older, you get better and better at acting, at getting people to like you, at impressing people you meet and at ingratiating yourself into all kinds of groups. Social Chameleons get so good at it that they can adapt themselves to any situation and to the moods of others without effort.

Often, victims of bullying learn to swing back and forth changing with their environment. They can be the life of the party or quiet and reserved. They can be introverted, extroverted, funny, charismatic, relaxed, wild, emotional, or stoic. When you learn to detect the moods of others, you adapt yourself to match those moods.

Becoming a Social Chameleon is a Common Defense Against Bullies

Understand that targets and former targets of bullying do this out of survival instinct. We become masters of deception and of cooling the anger of others in social situations gone wrong.

Depending on the situation or people around us, we present different versions of ourselves and become experts at blending in and being accepted. We become highly self-aware and good at reading the emotions and nonverbal cues of others and adapt to them and polish our self-presentations.

It becomes so ingrained and natural to us that we don’t even know we’re doing it. Many targets of bullying are bullied in school but are later able to get along with anybody and are exceptionally well-liked as adults. I have done this myself.

This is how we ensure that no one ever bullies us again. This is how we get people to like us. We know too well what not to do or say. The key to being successful at this is to not realize you’re doing it! Any conscious effort, on the other hand, comes off as contrived.

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Practice Makes Perfect.

We’ve practiced this for so long that we’ve become intuitively attuned to other’s responses to us and are constantly adapting our behavior when we feel we aren’t making the right impression. We keep a few good saves in our back pocket just in case a social situation goes awry. And we do this so well we instinctively know what’s expected of us before we make a social move.

We become uber successful at making good impressions in social encounters with total strangers and in business. Our personalities become so fluid and unpredictable that we emit an air of mystery that intrigues others, which only adds to our attractiveness. However, this comes at a very high cost!

For me, being a social chameleon got exhausting and I chose to dial that down a few notches. I’ve found that it is much more relaxing to be myself and not to give a crap what others think.

Being a Social Chameleon Only Exhausts You.

Not only is being a social chameleon tiring, the knowing that you weren’t true to your heart and your core beliefs and convictions leaves you feeling as if you sold your soul to the devil! It leaves an emptiness inside you that you can’t fill unless you start being your authentic self.

It’s much better to be yourself and to stand up for what you believe in. You may make a few enemies but it’s much better than living with being a fraud. Moreover, I’d much rather have a few people who don’t like me than to give up my identity and my authenticity!

So be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin! Embrace all your imperfections, because we all have them. Give yourself permission to say no and to voice an opinion some may not like. Because to be yourself is freedom!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Which Would You Rather Be?

Hated for Being Smart or Pitied for Being Dumb?

I ask this question because many intelligent people try to hide their smarts for fear of hatred and bullying. They let others convince them that, because of their smarts, they come off as know-it-alls. Others tell them to dumb down because they “don’t want to make others feel bad about themselves.” They may even tell them to tone it down a little or they just might offend some people.

This is total BS!

I want you to know one thing right now! It is not your responsibility to make someone else feel good about themselves. Whether your intelligence offends others is not your problem. Their hatred of you is also not your problem.

Continue to be Your Smart Self

Understand that the reason why your intelligence may offend some people is because they are either jealous, intimidated, or insecure. It’s because of their own unaddressed psychological issues- issues that they’re trying to lay off on you.

Your intelligence may inspire some to doubt their own smarts and mental capabilities. Also, it may provoke others to compare themselves to you. Again, not your responsibility. They are the ones doubting and questioning their own intelligence. They are the ones who are making comparisons. You aren’t doing these things to them. They are doing it to themselves!

You are Not Responsible for Someone Else’s Feelings

Again, you are not responsible for another person’s self-esteem. Only they can do the inner work needed to raise their confidence levels. Therefore, if they’re too lazy to do that inner work, that’s on them!

Here’s another point I want to make: The hate that’s directed at you never feels good and can be frightening. But always remember that there’s dignity in being hated, but none in being pitied.

Yes, you read that correctly. When people hate you, you still have your dignity. But when they pity you, you’ve lost all dignity and respect!

Others hate smart people, but they pity the stupid.

Therefore, never hide your intelligence from anyone. Let yourself stand out and shine. And never feel tempted to hide your brilliance because you’re afraid of being bullied, ridiculed, or hated by others. Instead, ask yourself,

“Would you rather be hated for being smart or pitied for being dumb?”

I rest my case.

The Degraded, The Demonized, and The Damned

 

People hate it if you’re too confident, too independent, and too free. God, forbid you get too self-assured and have too much self-belief.

Society tends to punish you for those qualities. ‘You see? In this life, the world expects everyone to conform and to stay in their assigned places. Many people have invisible shackles and chains and are expected to keep them on.

If you dare to break those chain, God help you. The world will punish you. They will label you different, weird, a difficult person, and/or a rabble rouser.

However, do you really want to follow the crowd or follow your heart? Would you rather fit in or stand out?

Know that you can never achieve greatness by fitting in. Make a choice.

Realize that today’s great are yesterday’s demonized. And today’s demonized are tomorrow’s great.

Be yourself. Dare to be different. Have your own set of values and convictions. Own everything that is you, no matter how unique!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Change to Appease Bullies

Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.

You should always be yourself and never allow bullies to change you. Here are the reasons why:

1. If the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.

But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?

2. Trying to be someone you aren’t to please others requires too much effort. Why would you want to expend so much work to fake your way through life? You’ll be watching every word that comes out of your mouth and every step you make, which means, you’ll be in a constant state of high alert because you’ll always worry what others think of you. Even if you do get accepted by others by being fake, it won’t make you happy. This is no way to live!

3. There will always be those who don’t like you no matter what you do. Therefore, all that extended effort, just to be liked, is all for naught. You’ll be jumping through hoops for other people. You’ll be shape-shifting yourself into a pretzel and in most cases, it doesn’t make people like you any better. What it does is cause you to live a life of undue stress and anxiety. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.

4. Genuine people and those who matter will only lose respect for you. Let’s be real here. No one likes nor respects a person who is fake. You won’t be taken seriously and, in most cases, you’ll only be bullied worse for your willingness to bend over backwards to gain acceptance. In other words, you’ll only get the opposite outcomes to what you hope for. How disappointing!

Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.

I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.

For example, bullies aren’t the only people who will try to change you. The media and other puppet masters also want us to change- even change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!

If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?

Who do they think they are?

Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?

Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?

And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.

Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.

And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.

And the media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!

These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???

As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.

And that’s the message I have for the radicals out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!

Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.

Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

I’m Me, Just Me

I’m Me

Unapologetically

Originally

Unabashedly

Authentically

Undeniably

Beautifully

One hundred percent

Me!

Me is all I can be

All I want to be

Who I’ll always be

Me is who I’m proud to be!

Be you and be free!

Never Suppress Your Humanness

be yourself

Why should I put on a veil of perfection?

Why should I hide my flaws? Everyone has them whether they admit it or not.

Why should I bend over backward to conform to being the cookie-cutter version that everyone wants me to be? It takes strength and bravery to be oneself.

Why should I be forced to suppress my emotions when the situation calls for it, and I’m rightfully sad, afraid, or (gasp!) pissed off?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to make mistakes? That’s how we learn.

Why shouldn’t I, on some days, let myself lounge around the house in my pajamas and no makeup?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to splurge on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every now and then?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to have my own opinion?

Why shouldn’t I allow myself to speak my mind when need be?

I’d rather be myself exactly as I am, the good, bad and ugly. I won’t suppress any aspect of me. I allow myself to be completely human, no matter who doesn’t like it.

To deny humanness is to be fake. Being fake is too much work, and I’m too lazy.

Reasons Bullies Hate Those Who Prefer to Be Themselves

Bullies are fake. They have to be to instill fear in those around them. And they resent anyone content with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s Why:

1. Most bullies are highly insecure– more insecure than others; people who are themselves are usually more charming, seductive, and graceful. An authentic person will captivate others without trying. Because of his openness and fluidity, he draws people to him like a magnet. And bullies are jealous of anyone who enjoys good relations with others.

Understand that not only are bullies insecure, but they’re also vain. Authentic people outshine them without even trying and just their presence alone makes the bullies appear less alluring and charismatic to others.

Avoid these vanity bullies like the plague because they will find a way to destroy you if you stay around them. These people will only force you to suppress your natural charm and goodness, so you won’t look like you’re better than them.

be yourself

2. People who are themselves don’t have to make any effort because they are their natural selves. On the other hand, being fake requires a lot of work. There are also a lot of worries that go with it- worries that you might slip up and get your lies twisted, that you may accidentally expose yourself through your actions, and that your true personality will somehow seep through.

Bullies resent the fact that authentic people don’t have to work and worry as they do.

But no matter what these bullies may throw at you, never be afraid to be yourself. Never hide anything about you. Because if you do, you’ll only lose a bit of yourself each time you put on an act until you lose yourself entirely.

To be fake, you have to work too hard. I’m too lazy for that. And so is anyone who prefers to be themselves.

Sorry? What Do You Have to Be Sorry About?

Don’t apologize for being who you are. You’re just the way God made you.

Don’t be sorry for being a woman, a man, your race, nor having brown hair, blonde hair, blue or brown eyes. For those are the things that make you you. Be happy and secure with it.

Don’t apologize for being a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, nor for holding certain values- for valuing your god and family. For those are the things you hold dear.

Refuse to be sorry for wrongdoings committed by others. You cannot control others’ actions, nor should you be expected to pay for their sins. That is between them and God, and they’ll be judged for it one day.

You’re not responsible for any sins other than your own.

Too many people self-loathe and feel guilty for things they haven’t done, which only strips away their happiness and peace of mind. And if you allow others to heap false guilt on your head unjustly, what do you think they will do next?

Take charge of your happiness and your life. And know that anyone who tries to force you to feel something you shouldn’t feel or do something that is either degrading to you or that you don’t want to do, you should have no more to do with them.

Continue to love yourself. Apologize only for what you’re guilty of and to the person you transgressed against. And if that person doesn’t accept your apology, that’s on them, and you should love yourself enough to get on with it.