Real Friends vs Fake Friends

January 21, 2025January 15, 202512 Comments

‘Want to know how to spot the difference between real friends vs fake friends? Here are the contrasts that you need to know.

Sadly, when people bully you, the loneliness can become so intense that you have trouble deciphering between real friends vs fake friends.

As a result, this can land you in trouble because you become so desperate for human connection that you lower your standards and pick anyone who smiles in your direction. However, you must keep your standards high.

In other words, stay picky and learn the signs of healthy people and unhealthy ones.

In this post, you will learn how to spot the differences between real friends and fake friends.

Once you learn how to recognize these contrasts, you will be able to choose your friends wisely. Moreover, you’ll be less likely to settle for creeps because you’ll have the courage to wait until healthier people find you.

This post is all about the differences of real friends vs fake friends so that you will recognize them and have the courage to be selective of the people you allow in your life.

Real Friends vs Fake Friends

“My fake friends taught me what friendship was by teaching me what it wasn’t.”

It’s been said that you don’t really learn to appreciate something until you must go without it.I say this because many of the losers I called friends back then weren’t friends at all. Therefore, these kinds of people are painful but powerful lessons if you’re willing to learn from them.

Another lesson I learned was that adult friendships are much healthier than high school friendships.

Most school friendships are superficial and are based on how popular you are and how well you can dress and how good you are at faking it. Moreover, they’re cliched, insincere, and one-sided.

So, how do you learn the difference between friend and faux? Here are the differences.

1. A Real Friend will back you up when your bullies come calling. A Fake friend will either disappear, stay silent, or join your bullies.

A real friend won’t be afraid to stand up for you. She’ll either smart-mouth your bullies or even fight them if she must. Understand that real friends are like brothers and sisters. They protect one another.

On the other hand, a fake friend is a weak little coward. They’ll never speak in your behalf nor will they fight for you if a situation calls for it. In fact, they don’t think enough of you to be in your corner.

Therefore, it’s time to stop having anything more to do with this person because they’re a waste of your time and aren’t worth knowing.

Understand that real friends are assets, whereas, fake friends are liabilities.

2. Real Friends vs Fake Friends

A real friend would never do anything behind your back. A fake friend, however, will pull all sorts of shady stuff when you aren’t around to see it.

For example, years ago, most of the classmates had droves of friends. However, they didn’t appreciate them.

I watched as the cliquey girls would horn in on their best friends’ boyfriends. Moreover, they would talk about them behind their backs. The popular crowd were the worst for this.

Therefore, realize that just because a person has a truckload of friends doesn’t mean they’re better off then you. Many people in the cliquey crowd have friends who are a bunch of vipers. Therefore, you’re better off alone then with creeps like those!

I can tell you that when I saw all this for myself, I wanted no part of “the cool kids” because they really weren’t that cool. Realize that many people are snakes and friends are only a convenience or status symbol to them

A real friend respects your boundaries. Therefore, they will avoid your partner if they have to. They know that some things are sacred and relationships and friendships are two of them.

Moreover, a real friend would never talk bad about you behind your back. In fact, they won’t allow anyone else to do it either and will stand up to any gossip who slanders you in their presence.

In contrast, a fake friend will try to hook up with your partner and talk smack about you when you’re not around. Also, they will either stay silent or join in if they hear gossip and lies about you.

Therefore, ditch and switch, baby! Real friends enhance your life. But fake friends only diminish it.

3. Real friends vs fake friends

Real friends are happy for you when you succeed, whereas, fake friends are jealous and will try to one-up you.

True friends will cheer for you anytime you win at something. They’ll celebrate your wins with you and brag on you to other people, even when you aren’t around to hear it.

Moreover, your true buddies will be happy that you have good social success because they’ll want nothing but your best.

Not so with fake friends. These people will feel jealous and resentful of you because of your good fortune.

If they’re jealous of your relationships and social fortune, many of your fake friends will stab you in the back. They’ll spread rumors and lies about you to defame you and turn others against you.

Moreover, they’ll try to break up your romantic relationships if they’re jealous of your potential to attract partners. These so-called friends will also try to come between you if they’re trying to hook up with your partner.

Also, they may try to sabotage you on the job or with a project you’re working on because they can’t stand the thought of you winning at something. Therefore, these people are a hindrance and you must give them the boot. Fast!

4. Real Friends VS Fake Friends:

Real Friends Respect Your Differences While Fake Friends Resent them.

True friends encourage you to be yourself and to stand up for yourself when someone disrespects you. Moreover, they like it when you stand in your truth.

And they’ll never turn their back on you or get hateful toward you for those differences.

True friends will allow and even encourage you to be yourself, speak your truth, and stand behind it. They wouldn’t want you to be fake for the sake of pleasing others.

Also, real friends like to hear your opinions and they accept your beliefs and convictions. They may not necessarily agree with you, but they’ll always respect your opinions. In other words, they’ll accept that you’re a different person with your own set of values.

On the other hand, fake friends will only resent you for all of it. Moreover, they’re likely to show their true colors anytime you’re show authenticity and have any differences of thought.

Sadly, you may be shocked and dismayed when the monster finally shows its face. For example, you may say something totally innocent, but something the fake friends doesn’t like.

Suddenly, the mask falls off and you find out the hard way that this person isn’t a friend at all. The fake friend then turns their back and becomes an enemy. They may even bully you like your bullies do.

Real Friends VS Fake Friends:

Here’s when fake friends show their true colors:

1. When you stand up for yourself.

2. When you’re not afraid to be yourself.

3. When you speak your truth and stand on it.

4. When you let your opinions, beliefs, and convictions be known.

5. When you call them or someone they like out on their bullshit.

Understand that if a person who claims to be your friend doesn’t allow you to be yourself. In other words, if they don’t let you to speak your mind, or show your emotions, that person is not a friend.

Therefore, you should re-evaluate that friendship and give this person the old heave ho.

Real Friends vs Fake Friends: How do you spot potential frauds?

1. Observe the people around you. Watch how they treat their friends behind their backs.

You watch people without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

If you’re in a group and you see your friends talking about their other friends behind their backs while sucking up to their faces, you can bet they will do the same to you. And if you think they won’t, you’re only fooling yourself.

Also, if there seems to be a lot of drama around these friends, you might want to think about ditching these chicks. Then you’ll want to select friends who are saner and more level-headed.

Understand that friends such as these are bad for your self-esteem. Also, it’s a reason that, once most people graduate high school, they could care less if they ever see their schoolmates again.

Therefore, pay close attention to your friends and how they act. Notice how they behave when their friends aren’t around and how they carry themselves. Also, note any negative body language and microaggressions.

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context

Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Real Friends vs fake friends:

Watch for micro flashes

If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. Also, they may do it when they think you aren’t aware of it.

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.

For example, when you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see, out of the corner of your eye, tiny micro flashes of contempt on their faces.

Next, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you’re not imagining things! Eighty-six these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet

You can tell a lot by the feet.

Therefore, if the person is talking to you and facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think.

So, use your feet and put some distance between you and this person.

5. Real Friends vs Fake Friends:

Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person.

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Beware if someone is looking at you without blinking

This person will have that icy, piercing stare. If they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

Be sure to mirror the person’s glare. In other words, look back and them the exact same way and keep staring at them until they look away. This will let them know that you aren’t intimidated and that you don’t like them either.

Also, watch for the furrowed brow and one corner of the lip slightly raised along with the death glare.

Smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes) is also a red flag.

Again, regard these people with caution and suspicion.

7. Also take note if they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away.

Again, these people are a waste and you should see them as such.

This post was all about real friends vs fake friends so that you can tell the difference and avoid drama down the road.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Does Bullying Affect the Victim’s Friendships?

2. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

3. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by

4. 25 Signs of a Toxic Person

5. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

Fake Friend: 11 Easy Ways to Spot One with Bad Intentions

November 27, 2024November 11, 202410 Comments

‘Wanna know how to know a fake friend when you see one? Here are the surefire signs of a fake friend that you must know and remember.

A fake friend is there to hinder you rather than help you. They try to sabotage your successes out of jealousy and stab you in the back when you aren’t around.

Anytime you’re a victim of bullying, the loneliness sets in quickly and it’s easy to choose the first person who smiles at you as a friend. Sadly, this can compound your trouble if you aren’t careful.

In this post, you will learn all the signs that a person isn’t on the up and up and what you can do to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these indicators, you will be able to spot a fake friend from a mile away and cut off contact before the person can do any damage to your self-esteem.

This post is all about the fake friend and the clues they unknowingly put out to warn you.

Fake Friend

Nefarious people are experts at hiding their evil and they do it under the cover of concern and love. Bullies and fake friends are such people and it can be difficult to spotlight them until it’s too late.

Moreover, after they’ve harmed us, we’re often left shocked and bewildered.

Fortunately, there are signs you can look for if you know what they are. Here’s what you can do to spot frenemies, fakes, and undercover bullies:

1. Always observe the people around you

This is, perhaps, the most important. Watching those around you and reading the room gives you a sneak preview of the personalities you’re likely to deal with and it can save you trouble before it even starts!

Therefore, always observe, without looking like you’re watching, of course. The best way to do this is to use your peripheral vision to scan your environment and the people in it.

You’ll be surprised at how quickly you pick up on others’ moods. Moreover, if there’s an elephant in the room, you’ll sense that as well.

2. Fake friend.

Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context

Actions speak louder than words. Therefore, if the body language of the person you’ll dealing with doesn’t match their words, you might want to rethink your association with them.

Moreover, if the nonverbals don’t align with the situation, you should precede with caution. This next bit of advice goes without saying.

If the persons nonverbal cues show even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes

If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it. Also, they may do it when they think you aren’t aware of it.

There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily. Therefore, if you look for it, you’ll see it.

Here’s what happens sometimes when you’re around fake friends. As you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces. And you’ll usually see it out of the corner of your eye.

Next, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you aren’t only imagining things!

You must realize that this is your gut trying to warn you. Therefore, eighty-six this creep fast!

4. Fake Friend:

Notice the person’s feet

You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think.

Understand that the feet always point in the direction the person want to go. Therefore, put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person

If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language.

In other words, they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

This is the last person you want to have a conversation with.

6. Looking at you without blinking

if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

The best thing to do is to mirror the person. In other words, reflect the exact same body language back at them. The reason you do this is to show the bully that they don’t intimidate you one bit and that you can take care of yourself in an altercation if you have to.

7. Fake Friend:

Other signs to look for

Watch for a furrowed brow and one corner of the lip slightly raised. Also, notice any icy, piercing stares or smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes).

If you see any of these signs, you might want to get rid of this person.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away

This is a bad sign. Why? Because, by looking at each other when you walk away, the two people are basically saying to one another, “Wow! Get a load of this guy!”

Again, drop these idiots like a bad habit. They don’t deserve to be in your presence.

9. Watch what you share

Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly.

In other words, don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. Your fake friend may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

Fake friends and bullies also have ways of weaponizing information that seems innocent. For instance, if you and your partner went to a theater to watch a slasher film, nefarious people can use this to paint you in a bad light. Therefore, be very careful what you reveal.

10. Fake Friend:

Watch for eavesdroppers

If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for the fake friend to eavesdrop. In fact, watch out for eavesdroppers. Period.

Moreover, don’t talk near corners or open doors. The world is chock full of nosy people who are just salivating for a juicy story to tell.

Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

Moreover, beware if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation. The best thing to do in this scenario is to take the discussion to a place more private, being sure you aren’t being followed.

Understand that fake friends and bullies will always keep a watchful eye on you. And while they observe you, they will be waiting, with bated breath, for you to screw up and reveal any personal information or secrets.

11. Listen to your gut!

This is perhaps the second most important thing you should do. Your gut feeling is also called your intuition, your instinct, or your sixth sense.

Always trust your gut because it’s your innate, inner alarm that sounds when there’s danger nearby. Also, it is never wrong.

Therefore, if you ever get the sense that something isn’t right about a person, pay close attention. It just might be your gut trying to warn you that this person isn’t good for you and that trouble may be on the horizon if you continue to associate with them.

Moreover, if your so-called friend seems to resent any successes or wins you score, this is a dead giveaway. And they won’t have to say a word. You’ll be able to tell by the look on their face. In fact, your gut will warn you.

Therefore, drop them. Fast!

In Conclusion:

In order to protect yourself, you must keep your eyes and ears peeled and be an avid people-watcher. Moreover, you must also trust your instincts. In other words, your gut!

Understand that trusting your gut, coupled with watching others and being skilled in reading body language will help you to avoid attaching yourself to a fake friend.

As a result, you will be able to avoid any future entanglements with bad people.

Only when you pay attention to other people, will you be able to see behind the masks bullies and fakers wear.

This post was all about the fake friend and the signs you must watch for to avoid them, and, ultimately, save yourself a ton of trouble down the road.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

Why Fake Friends Stick Around: 6 Must-Know Reasons

September 17, 2024September 20, 202414 Comments

Do you want to know why fake friends stick around even though they can’t stand you? You’ve probably wondered that if they despise you so much, why they don’t just go away and have nothing more to do with you. Here are several motives that keep them coming.

Fake friends secretly either don’t like you. They may even hate you and wish you nothing but harm and bad fortune. Yet, they continue hang around like a bad odor.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why they do this. As someone who’s been there and discovered the answers, I’m giving you all the must-know reasons to relieve you of any confusion you might have.

In this post, you will learn why fake friends stick around. You will get these answers in detail so that you can understand more clearly and take steps to protect yourself.

Once you learn about all their motives and intentions, you will then have the courage to stand up to these imposters and send them packing once and for all. Moreover, you will take back your dignity and peace of mind.

This post is all about the reasons why fake friends stick around. The purpose of this post is to give you the courage to ditch these imposters and take back your peace.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

Everyone has fake friends. These are the people who only pretend to like them but secretly wish them harm and bad luck. Moreover, this individuals desire to be in our circle and get close to us. But why?

If they hate us so much, why would they continue to hang around? Why do they seem to want to stay right under us all the time? It’s like these people want to literally attach themselves to us and never let go! Yikes!

These are the people who slither their way into our lives only to end up betraying us later.

Here are the reasons why fake friends stick around:

1. To watch you closely.

You may not realize it, but these people have a strategy. Therefore, they do this deliberately to achieve their own evil ends.

Therefore, fake friends stick around to study your movements and patterns. They want to learn your routine. Why? So they can better predict any reactions and what your next move is likely to be.

Understand that to learn an enemy’s patterns is to collect intel on them that can be weaponized later.

For example, undercover cops infiltrate drug rings so that they bust them and take them down later. Fake friends are no different.

If you’ve ever read the book, “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu, you know that the most fundamental rule is to “Know your enemy.”

2. To win your trust.

They know that if you let down your guard and trust them, the more likely you are to let them in on your problems and deepest, darkest secrets.

Also, when you trust someone, you’re more likely to feel more comfortable making simple, human mistakes. Also, you’ll and show your less than desirable emotions around them. And why not? If the person is a friend, they’re least likely to judge you.

In other words, this person will watch the target closely, then establish good rapport with them. Then develop a close friendship with them to lower any apprehension the person might have had in the initial stages.

On the other hand, if the person is a fake friend, you unwittingly give them fodder and ammunition to use against you later.

3. Why Fake Friends Stick Around: To watch you fail.

Everyone experiences failure at some point. And your fake friends want nothing more than to be around to see it when you do fail at something.

They can then smile inside and get the satisfaction and gratification they’ve been looking for.

However, if you ever succeed at something, especially if it’s something big, you will see their true colors come shining through.

For example, if you accomplish something huge, like making the NYT Bestseller list or winning the lottery, watch the masks fall off. These posers will suddenly give you the cold shoulder. They may even lash out at you, accusing you of thinking you’re better than everyone else.

Also, they might accuse you of having connections who helped you reach success, or worse! Cheating your way to victory!

It will hurt, don’t get me wrong. But you’ll know exactly who these people are and you’ll know what to do with this trash.

4. They want to know your desires, plans, goals, and dreams.

Why? Because if they know what they are, they know where to sabotage you and gain a sense of power over your life.

Understand that any time you’re bullied, it isn’t so much the bullies who are the most harmful to you. It’s the betrayal of those you thought were your friends.

That’s what hurts the most and can be devastating.

Moreover, what makes this so crushing is the knowing the person duped you into handing over your trust.

You not only feel violated, you feel like a complete idiot for allowing the person into your life, to begin with. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Feeling that you, in a sense, allowed it to happen.

5. Why Fake Friends Stick Around is To feel superior.

Think about it. By continuing to put up with fake friends, you’ve lowered your standards and they know it.

Understand that, in a fake friendship, the entire friend relationship is based on conditions. Also, these types of friendships are one-sided. It’s about what you can do for them.

Therefore, they’re getting all the benefits of the friendship and you’re getting zero! To continue clinging to this type of friendship suggests to the other person that you’re inferior.

Also, it means that you’re so desperate for friends that you’ll willing to eat shit just to keep from being alone.

And you’ve got to admit. It’s pathetic! Therefore, stop doing things that are beneath you and holding on to friendships that aren’t good for you.

Know that you’re better than that. And you deserve much better!

Again, remember that for them to be superior requires you to be inferior.

6. You convenience them somehow.

Many fake friends continue to hang around because of the conveniences you bring to the friendship. For example, you let your friend girl barrow your favorite sweater only for her not to return it.

Another example would be that you help them move their things when they get kicked out of their apartment for failure to pay rent. However, when you have to move because of a bad break-up or divorce, they never show up.

However, once you figure this person out, it’s GAME OVER!

Now’s the time to cut off any benefits this creep may have gotten from you and end the friendship right then and there.

So, how do you weed these fakes out before they get the chance to betray you?

Here’s how:

1. Be yourself.

When you are your true, authentic self, you only naturally drive away the fakers. These are people who don’t need to be in your life in the first place. This is a good thing because they would only harm you later.

Better to rid yourself of them now rather than to wait until you establish a connection and get close to them.

Why? Because once you’re close to someone, you naturally give them the benefit of a doubt. Also, it’s much harder to believe they would ever hurt you. Even worse, even more difficult to have the courage to show them the nearest exit.

Therefore, it’s better to weed them out now and save yourself that heartache.

Why Fake Friends Stick Around

2. Voice your opinions.

This is more important to do today, than ever! Most people nowadays tend to get abusive and bent out of shape when they find out that you don’t have the same opinions, beliefs or convictions as they do.

So, do you want and let people see the real, authentic you. If people around you don’t respect your rights to be a separate individual with an independent mind, that’s your clue to ditch and switch!

It’s true that we should always respect the opinions of others, even though we don’t always agree with them. However, many don’t live by that virtue these days.

Therefore, when people resort to ad hominem attacks when you don’t agree with their views, they only reveal their own evil intolerance.

Realize that when you’re authentic, you force people to reveal their true natures and tell you all you need to know about them.

And this is how you weed out all the fakes and attract the people who truly value you and who deserve the privilege of being in your life! In cases like this, you don’t lose friends, you lose frauds!

Always remember that!

This post was all about the reasons why fake friends stick around to embolden you to ditch them, raise your standards, and choose people who are real friends.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

5. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

Handling Gossips, Busybodies and Buttinskies

December 15, 2023November 3, 20232 Comments

girl looking at her cellphone while her snooping friend looks over her shoulder

Whether it’s the nosy classmate who’s never short of personal and intimate questions about your private life, the workplace gossip who never shuts up and always seems to know your business before you do, or the spying neighbor across the street who forever peers through her window to spy on the neighbors outside, these kinds of people can be a real hemorrhoid to those of us who only want to be left alone and allowed to live our lives in peace.

Moreover, I even had one woman ask me how much I got paid and how much I paid in rent or mortgage? I know. The nerve! Right?

After the shock wore off, I politely told her that she was getting too personal. I also told her that I didn’t share such private information with anyone, not even my family members. Oooeee! She didn’t like it.

nosy detective looking over his newspaper at you, spying concept

These types often leave you shaking and scratching your head because you just can’t believe anyone would have the chutzpah. Especially if you were raised to mind your own business like I was.

Make no Mistake! Their end goal is power and control!

Understand that these people can be bullies too. Their gossip, butting-in, and having a constant nose stuck in your life can be a form of attempted control. Bullies will often ask you these kinds of questions to embarrass or humiliate you. Therefore, anybody who openly asks you such questions has no respect for your privacy, and you should deal with them accordingly.

However, because they can’t seem to control their own lives, they wish to control yours. And they do it for nothing more than to cause an annoyance or embarrassment.

nosy woman peering through the window blinds

Though the years, there was always that one neighbor who would sit on their porch all day. They would watch not only my house but the other houses in the neighborhood as well. So, on a good note, I can’t say that I was left out. As a matter of fact, I was in good company with most of the other neighbors in my community.

As a result, many of the others in the community weren’t short of complaints about the lady and we had a nickname for her- “Mrs. I-Spy.”

Nosy people are annoying to others.

Nevertheless, although I’d get annoyed by her a few times, I couldn’t get angry with her like many of the others. Mrs. I-Spy was disabled and could barely get around. All I could feel was bad for her because I knew she wasn’t a happy person. Who would be if their health were deteriorating to the point of barely able to perform activities of daily living? And home health was scarce back then.

eavesdropping businessman with huge ears

Also, on the days when she couldn’t get outside, she’d have her grandchildren watch the neighbors. The grands would then go back inside and give her a report of the goings-on in the others’ yards and the traffic in and out of their houses. It’s hilarious when I look back now.

busybodies do have their good points.

I can honestly say that if there were a burglary or trouble nearby, she’d have been the first to see it and call the cops. So, there’s a silver lining to all this. Thank God for nosy neighbors because they do serve a great purpose!

However, my classmates in high school, not so much. I had very little respect for them because most of them were nosy as hell! They would watch me closely and eavesdrop on any of my conversations. They always had an ear cocked. At Oakley High School, the walls had ears!

The walls have eyes, a brick wall with pairs of eyes

Always in my business, questioning me on things that were so trivial yet to them was a huge deal. They would even ask me the most personal and embarrassing questions.

“Have you started your period yet?”
“Are you a virgin?”
“How is your boyfriend in bed?”

some will ask you the most embarrassing questions.

These kinds of questions made me cringe! Naturally, it upset me back then and I’d only storm off. But if one of them had the audacity to do that today, I’d only laugh, make fun of and humiliate them. And I’d enjoy humiliating them.

nosy man with his ear to the wall listening in on the people in the next room

Today, I wish they would and give me the chance to show them I’m not as slow as I used to be and almost nothing shocks me anymore. Understand that when you’ve been bullied, you learn quick wit very quickly because it’s essential for survival. I’ve known other adult survivors of school bullying and we’re the most quick-witted people in the bunch! We have to be!

With that said, realize that even in the adult world, you’re going to have people who have more nerve than a bad tooth. There will be those who will pry into your business and openly ask you personal, even embarrassing questions. You might as well prepare for it now because they’re everywhere!

Nosy dog looking at you

Nosiness can run in families and be generational

Many of these people had parents who were the same way. They had mothers and grandmothers who would tell them to watch others and report back to them. I know this because of watching Mrs. I-Spy do the same many years ago. Therefore, it’s safe to say that nosiness is a generational thing with many. About ninety percent of my classmates also came from nosy and overbearing families. So did many coworkers I’ve worked with down through the years.

And it’s these kinds of people you should blow off and wave away like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your face.

Don’t get angry with them. Just shake your head and pity them. Because it’s those types who really need to get a life and often don’t have one. Or, if you’re a smart-ass like I am, take the opportunity to have a little fun with the person. Just catch it, throw it back at them and shame them with it.

And why not? They asked for it.

With knowledge comes power!

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Who Are Most Hurtful? (Part 2)

April 28, 202213 Comments

(Continued from Part 1…)

When you’re a target of bullying in school or at work, you can’t afford to put all your trust in anyone, not even those who seem to be your friends. I’m not suggesting you be completely paranoid, only nonchalant. Because in a toxic area, you will have a few nosy wolves in sheep’s clothing around you, who will try to get close to you for no other reason than to probe for intimate details about you and your life.

They will also study you like a lab-rat to see how you react to certain things and find out your opinions, especially opinions of your bullies and other people you go to school or work with. Why? So they can take the juicy deets and report back to your bullies with them.

Here are ways that you can pick up on your classmates or coworkers’ hidden attitudes and intentions.

1. Always observe the people around you – without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context – Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

back-stabbing colleagues threatening an employee with scissors and knife

3. Watch for micro flashes – If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.

When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you don’t only imagine things! Eighty-six, these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet – You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person – If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language, and they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking – if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for – a furrowed brow, one corner of the lip slightly raised, an icy, piercing stare, smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes). Any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away – again, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share– Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly Don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. Watch for eavesdroppers – If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors. Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies Aren’t the People Who Are Most Hurtful to Their Target. So, Who Are the People Most Hurtful?

April 28, 202232 Comments

It wasn’t the attacks from the bullies themselves. The bullies were the people from whom I’d come to expect that kind of behavior. From them, any vitriol, any vile and disgusting words and actions came as no surprise to me!

What hurt more than anything was the betrayal– when those I thought were my friends would so quickly and without question believe the lies and rumors that my bullies had spread. It was akin to being kicked in the stomach. Also, these so-called friends in school never had my back. Some even had the power to stop the bullying and protect me but refused, only throwing me under the bus.

Friends are supposed to be the people who believe the best of you. They are supposed to have your back any time someone attacks you. They’ll speak on your behalf when another person so much as badmouths you behind your back but in front of them, and they’ll stick up for you even when you’re not around to see them do it. Real friends are with you no matter what, especially when the chips are down. They will go to hell and back for you.

But sadly, during school, the people I thought I could trust did the opposite; they’d either go along with or believe the lies- and without bothering to ask me first!

My fake friends often sold me out- delivered me up to my bullies- with my head on a plate.

Rejection and mistreatment from a bully are easier to deal with because, from a bully, you expect nothing more. It’s much harder to take when it comes from someone you think is a friend and think highly of. When I look back now, I realize that I didn’t have friends in school until I was in the twelfth grade.

Before senior year, I only kept these so-called pals around and put up with them because they were the only options I had. It was pathetic.

The betrayals I suffered years ago is why I’m so selective of who I let in my life today. It’s also why I prefer to keep my circle small. I’d rather have only a handful of real friends than a million half-baked, fake ones. But we don’t value ourselves like we should when we’re teenagers and haven’t been in the world very long.

Too many people are overly concerned with having a large number of friends but don’t realize that real friends- people who have your back, who have your best at heart and will go to bat for you under the worst conditions- are a rare commodity and don’t come around every day.

Finding genuine friends is like opening a thousand empty oysters and finding only five or six pearls. These are the friends who are worth more than gold! And if you have them, you’d better appreciate them for all that they are!

When I meet a new person for the first time, I no longer wonder whether they’ll like me; I now wonder if I’m going to like them. I choose who I let in and who I give the boot, and if I stop having anything to do with someone, you can bet they betrayed me somehow, and I consider betrayal a deadly sin that will get someone dismissed very quickly.

I know what I want in a friend, and I won’t settle for anything less because anything less than desired is unacceptable. Loyalty is a virtue I look for, and if the person isn’t loyal, they aren’t worthy!

I want you to understand that if you have friends who are so quick to believe the lies your bullies tell them that they get angry with you and refuse to speak to you, guess what? These people are not your friends. They never were! Why else would they take your bullies’ word over yours and be so quick to turn against you?

Maybe those you thought were your friends only tolerated you because they felt sorry for you. And why would you settle for someone’s pity? Or, maybe your so-called friends didn’t have many options themselves, and you were only a second choice friend, or worse! The last-resort-friend! Ewww! Who wants that!

If you have friends who don’t stand with you and fade into the woodwork when your bullies attack you, they’re not worth your time or energy. Friends like that don’t deserve the privilege of being a part of your life. You’re better off without them.

You need to ditch these losers and find better friends, even if it means you have to be by yourself for a while. Hey, I know it sucks. Nobody wants to be alone. However, you must learn to be your own best friend before anyone else can.

Sometimes you must clean out all the trash to make room for the good stuff- the people who deserve to be in your life.

Continued in Part 2…

When Bullies and Bystanders Talk Bad About You, Use Reverse Psychology.

February 15, 20216 Comments

Businessman not listening to nonsense.

Bullies will always have something negative to say. So, instead of thinking, there is something wrong with you, why not look at it from these points of view?

1. When people talk about you, good or bad, at least you know you aren’t boring. And most people would rather be “bad” than boring. Also, you must be doing something right if you’re being mentioned all the time. When they talk about you, they make you relevant.

2. When people talk smack about you, it only means you still consume their minds.
So, who’s really in control here?

education, bullying, social relations and people concept – students gossiping behind classmate back at school

3. You have a lot of power if you can stir resentment or hate in someone without trying or meaning to. It only goes to show that the dummy doing the talking can easily be controlled with little effort.

4. They must really admire you and want to be like you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be an afterthought to them.

5. It says more about them than it does about you. It says if that they don’t have lives of their own, they take an interest in yours, which means that your life must be more interesting than theirs!

6. People who consistently talk bad about you really have an obsession with you.

Like the old saying goes, “He who angers you controls you.”

So, why not feel good about it and, even better, take advantage of it by letting them talk. Because some things don’t need a defense, especially if the bullies are known for being gossips and troublemakers.

Just sit back, smile, and be quietly amused by the pettiness. Be your sweet self, and others will see through the gossip too. When I finally wised up and took this approach, I was so surprised at the results! My only regret is that I didn’t realize this earlier.

Attitude is what it’s all about. With the right attitude, you can beat your bullies without ever lifting a finger!

The more you know, the better you will protect yourself!