“Youtiful!”
A state of being.
That amazing combination of being yourself and being beautiful.
Be you.
Be beautiful.
Be “youtiful!”
Tag: authenticity
4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Change to Appease Bullies
Bullies are notorious for demanding that their targets change- that targets change something about themselves that they (the bullies) don’t like. We know that bullies point out anything they don’t like about targets to divert the attention of everyone else away from their own shortcomings and imperfections.
You should always be yourself and never allow bullies to change you. Here are the reasons why:
1. If the bullies can’t find something wrong with you, they’ll invent something wrong with you. If you want to better yourself- get an education, lose weight, get a better job, better home, etc., that’s completely normal because you’re doing those things for yourself. You’re making sensible changes and not to please anyone else.
But if you’re content with your life and some idiot demands you change something about yourself that they don’t like- something that’s not harming anyone, then you have a right to tell that person to go take a long walk off a short pier. Who are they to tell you that you should change?
2. Trying to be someone you aren’t to please others requires too much effort. Why would you want to expend so much work to fake your way through life? You’ll be watching every word that comes out of your mouth and every step you make, which means, you’ll be in a constant state of high alert because you’ll always worry what others think of you. Even if you do get accepted by others by being fake, it won’t make you happy. This is no way to live!
3. There will always be those who don’t like you no matter what you do. Therefore, all that extended effort, just to be liked, is all for naught. You’ll be jumping through hoops for other people. You’ll be shape-shifting yourself into a pretzel and in most cases, it doesn’t make people like you any better. What it does is cause you to live a life of undue stress and anxiety. Is that how you want to live? I hope not.
4. Genuine people and those who matter will only lose respect for you. Let’s be real here. No one likes nor respects a person who is fake. You won’t be taken seriously and, in most cases, you’ll only be bullied worse for your willingness to bend over backwards to gain acceptance. In other words, you’ll only get the opposite outcomes to what you hope for. How disappointing!
Sadly, I see people living in fear- being careful not to say the words, “mother,” “father,” “man,” “woman,” “he” or “she.” And I can only shake my head is dismay and embarrassment.
I write this because we live in a world that is trying to change us and what it wants to change us into is utterly ridiculous. No, wait! Ridiculous isn’t the word for it. Insane is a more appropriate word.
For example, bullies aren’t the only people who will try to change you. The media and other puppet masters also want us to change- even change the way we speak. They want to eliminate the words, “mother,” “father,” “sister,” “brother,” any word that identifies genders of family relatives. It’s crazy!
If they want to use different terms, then fine. To each their own. But how dare they demand that the rest of us change for them?
Who do they think they are?
Since when do they decide how we speak, what we believe, and how we behave?
Who died and made them lords over the rest of us?
And who are they to decide what’s right and what’s wrong?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell these radicals that they do not get to decide how I nor anyone else speaks, behaves, or lives.
Understand that they are bullies themselves and are well-known for pushing boundaries and intruding on others. They have to be bullies to burn down people’s homes, businesses, and entire cities to make a point. They must be bullies to assault little old couples or children on the street.
And they’re so arrogant that they feel entitled to tell the rest of us what words we should say to identify members of our families. Again, who do they think they are? This is a blatant attempt at power and control.
And the media and universities have now become a brand of police- also telling us how we should speak, act, and think. Here’s my take on it- I think this gender inclusion crap is a bunch of hogwash. God help them if they were ever told how to live!
These people suggest that the word “mother” be replaced with “gestational parent” or “birthing parent,” and the word “father” be replaced with “non-gestational parent,” or “non-birthing parent.” What???
As I said, I, as well as most others, could care less how other people live. Whatever floats their boat, I always say. You do what makes you happy and allow me to do what makes me happy. In short, you do you and let me do me.
And that’s the message I have for the radicals out there: I don’t stick my nose into your business, so kindly keep your nose out of mine. Go away and leave the rest of us alone. Get a life. Get a job. Get a family. Get a dog! And get a life!
Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just people. And all most people want is to freely practice their faith, raise their families, make a living, and be left alone. Nothing more.
Sadly, bullies don’t know how to leave people alone because they’re determined to violate boundaries. Bullies are all about power and control. They’re all about domination over others. That’s why it’s up to us to stand strong and refuse to change for them. It’s up to us to live our lives the way we want and to live life on our terms. Understand that bullies only have the power we allow them to have.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Here’s The Value of Having Enemies
“You can tell a man’s vises by his friends, his virtues by his enemies.” – Ben Domenech.
There is value in having enemies. If I meet a person who has not one enemy, I’d be suspicious of that person and wonder if he/she were lying, mistaken, or a people pleaser. But if they do have enemies and (even better) are proud of that, it means they stood for something at some point in life.
Understand that everyone has enemies. They may not admit it or may not know it, but they do have an enemy out there somewhere.
Too many people feel that they must win a popularity contest, and they go out of their way to do it. They suck up, try to be someone they aren’t just to run with the pack, seek attention, and bully those they see as defective. What’s even sadder is that they reach a point where they don’t know who they are anymore.
They unknowingly make themselves slaves to other people’s opinions and, therefore, slaves to others. This is a waste of time and too much work. Even worse, it chips away at your self-esteem. You end up letting yourself down to please others, and that’s not good.
The only way you can be free is to be true to yourself and let others have their opinions of you, good or bad. Realize that opinions are just that- opinions, and they’re like elbows. Everybody has them. Opinions are just as cheap as talk.
So, if you have enemies, be proud of it. It means that you’ve taken a stand and that you’re not afraid to be different. If you have enemies and are okay with having them, then you have the freedom, and you can do anything you want. Always remember that
5 Differences Between a Happy Life and a Crappy Life
Let’s face it, most people aren’t happy. Rare is the person who is happy. Believe it or not, most people live crappy lives and it’s the reason why rates of depression and suicide are so high. It’s also the reason we have so many people who have anger issues and who only know how to use violence to get their needs met- it’s the reason we have so many bullies and abusers running around terrorizing people.
With bullies, using fear and force to coerce others is the only way they can feel in control. Without their targets to push around, bullies would have to take stock of their own lives and admit that they’ve lost control over their circumstances.
Many targets also live crappy lives because they try to put on a fake persona to keep from being bullied and only achieve the exact opposite. Or they stop believing in themselves because others have discouraged and beaten them down for so long. They may also hang onto lowlife people they should let go of just to keep from being alone.
So, what kind of life would you like to live, a happy life or a crappy life?
Naturally, you would choose the former. Naturally, we all want to live a happy life. However, the sad thing is, not everyone knows how and because they don’t know how to go about achieving happiness, most people stay stuck on autopilot. So, let’s break it down.
What does it mean to live a happy life? And what does it mean to live a crappy life?
Here goes:
1. To live a happy life means to walk away from people who are not healthy for you. It means turning your back on people who subtly abuse you and who only use you to get something from you. It means saying goodbye to those who only come around when they want or need something. In short it means ditching the people who don’t value you and finding better people who will.
To live a crappy life means putting up with people who aren’t healthy for you. It means letting abusers and users stay in your life and continue to use and abuse you. It means not having the guts to tell these people to take a hike because you’re afraid of being alone and friendless. It means tolerating people who only come around when they want something and when they do, giving them what they want freely, while wishing and hoping to the heavens that they will see your value.
But here’s a newsflash! They won’t as long as you don’t value yourself enough to confront them and tell them to step off. And even then, they may never value you but wouldn’t you much rather do bad by yourself rather then put up with those who haven’t earned the time of day from you, much less your love and respect?
2. To live a happy life depends on how you spend your free time. It means spending your leisure time doing the things that you enjoy- making time for play. It also means using it to grow yourself- by exercising and getting healthy, by reading books and learning something to grow your brain and expand your mind. It means focusing on your hobbies and interests. It also means working on your goals.
A happy life won’t just fall into your lap. You must create your own happiness.
To live a crappy life means to sit on your butt and watch TV all afternoon. Some TV isn’t bad and can be enjoyable. But when watching TV is all you do, you get sedentary, you get lazy, and you get stagnant. Living a crappy life also means refusing to learn anything. I know people who hate to read and therefore, stay stuck because they don’t learn anything new. I also know people who don’t have goals, hobbies, nor interests. And it all makes for a boring life. Also, because they don’t have those things, these people tend to get into trouble with the law- they may go out and get drunk or high because they’re so bored. It only sets them on a path to misery and destruction.
3. To live a happy life means being yourself and owning your quirks and flaws. It means speaking your truth even if others resent you for it. It also means owning your emotions, the good and the bad ones, instead of burying them. It also means making fun of yourself when you fall on your keister from time to time.
To live a crappy life means to be someone you aren’t. It means being a fake, a fraud, an imposter. And what’s so bad about being a fake person is that you’re constantly on high alert and constantly working hard to make sure that mask doesn’t fall off. And that’s a stressful way to live. It also means to not own your emotions. For instance, someone does something to really tick you off and when others ask you how you are, you lie and tell them you’re just fine. You also try to disguise your body language and facial expressions to match your words. Rarely does that fool anyone as micro-expressions will give you away to the trained eye. Again, it’s too much work and it’s work for nothing!
It never pays to be too serious because it cannot only cause unneeded stress, it can cause serious health consequences down the road. This will only pile more crap on top of the heap you’re already dealing with.
4. To live a happy life depends on the way you do things. It means working smart and not hard. It means taking your time and doing whatever it is that you’re doing right.
To live a crappy life also depends on how you do things. It means working hard and not smart. It means rushing through whatever you’re doing and taking a chance on fouling it up and having to start again.
5. To live a happy life, you must count your blessings. This can be doggone hard to do sometimes, I understand. Things go wrong, plans don’t work out, and it can be difficult to see the silver lining when it seems your world is upside down. And I’ll let you in on a little secret- even I struggle with this sometimes. Like you, I can get into a real funk too. But we must count blessings when we think about it so that life won’t seem as dismal.
To live a crappy life, you only see the glass as half-empty and life as one big hell-pit. I had this kind of attitude years ago and it only made things worse for me. Oh, man, did I have a funky attitude. You wouldn’t have wanted to know me back then.
Before closing this post, I want to warn you that being happy doesn’t mean that everything is all peaches and cream. Even happy people have days when they don’t feel so good and days when things go wrong. Being happy doesn’t mean having a perfect life. It doesn’t mean living in zippity do-da land.
Again, what being happy really means is being authentic, growing in mind, body, and spirit, and it means having a purpose and goals to work toward. It also means allowing yourself time for play and relaxation. In a nutshell, being happy means being true to yourself and everything about you.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
You Can’t Be a People-Pleaser and Be Happy at The Same Time
The road to happiness starts with being yourself. That means being true to your feelings, beliefs, opinions, convictions, and tastes. It also means making your own decisions and living life on your own terms. Otherwise, you’ll never be happy.
Anytime you try to fit in and be liked, you suppress yourself and your own needs and desires. You bury your true nature and stuff down your true emotions and become a robot!
You’ll jump through hoops to win the approval of others- you’ll comform to impossible expectations, put up with shabby treatment, and run yourself ragged putting everyone else’s needs before your own. In essence, you consistently shape-shift until you bend yourself in a pretzel!
To put it bluntly, you kiss arse, eat sh*t, lick boots, and become everybody’s stooge. And for what? Just to be liked?
Businessman with wind up key on his back sitting on chair and using laptop computer on city background. Manipulation concept
Forget that!
Sadly, today’s culture dictates that you be who others, especially those in power, want you to be rather than who you are. In today’s society, to be natural equals being anti-social. It means to risk being an outcast and that’s scary for many because most people have been programmed to suppress their true selves in order to fit in and be liked and it’s the same people who expect you to follow suit.
These people think that life and the world is one big popularity contest and it isn’t. This is why we have so many who are depressed because bullies and abusers have prevented them from expressing their true emotions, their true nature, and therefore, from being their true, authentic selves.
Understand that society has programmed the majority of us to adopt values and beliefs we don’t really hold, follow social rules we really don’t agree with, and basically hate who we really are. So, we hide behind a mask of fakery.
But! Sooner or later, that mask will slip off, as it is surely bound to do. Then what?
The reality is that no one can put on an act forever- eventually our true nature begins to seep through. Then what happens?
People then see us for the frauds we were and we get shunned and ridiculed anyway. The very thing we fear and have been running from finally catches up with us.
So, why not be yourself from the start? We may be ridiculed for it but, at least, we won’t be so because we were found to be fake and living a lie. If I’m going to be made fun of anyway, I’ll be so for being me and living my truth. And I’ll do it free of depression and excess stress.
Sadly, this is something most don’t think about, which is why so many people instead hide behind a fake facade.
For example, many seek approval by showing off, doing dangerous stunts to impress an audience and end up getting seriously hurt.
If you’ve ever watched the TV show, “World’s Dumbest Partiers,” you then know what I’m talking about.
Do you remember several years back, when people were filming themselves on YouTube, Facebook, and other apps, eating Tide Pods, or participating in The Knock-Out Game? These are other examples.
It’s pathetic the lengths people will go to get attention and win the admiration of others- even people they don’t know or even like!
Realize that you don’t have to go to these extremes to be well thought of. And the people who do are only insecure wusses who’s only life purpose is to get attention and be thought of as cool.
What isn’t so cool is the many injuries and trips to the emergency room- the broken bones, the paralysis, and the deaths that result from this stupidity.
Think about this: If you end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life because you did something stupid while trying to prove something, do you really think these so-called friends and admirers will continue to stick around?
How cool and admired will you be if you end up permanently disabled to such an extent that you can’t even go to the bathroom on your own, or worse- wipe your own behind?
Its sad that people continue to engage in risky behaviors to get the psychological benefits of attention, approval, and admiration. And they do it because they feel empty inside and are trying to fill a void.
Trying to please or impress others gets you nowhere because to do so means that you must ignore yourself and put your own wants and needs on the back burner. In many cases, it means putting your health and even your life in peril. All because you’re living a lie.
Bullies often called me chicken when I’d refuse them any time they told me to do something that had the potential to cause me injury. But I’d rather be a chicken than a turkey. And my refusal only ensured my safety.
Understand that you don’t have to do any of these things to be liked or considered cool. And if others can’t accept you as you are, then perhaps you’re keeping the wrong company and need to find better people- people who celebrate you as the unique, awesome, incredible, and amazing person you truly are.
Be yourself. Moreover, just be.
Know that you’re enough. Better yet, you’re awesome just the way you are. Accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Love yourself and all your quirks and imperfections, for we all have them.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
Be “Youtiful!”
“Youtiful!”
A state of being.
That amazing combination of being yourself and being beautiful.
Be you.
Be beautiful.
Be “youtiful!”
I’m Me, Just Me
I’m Me
Unapologetically
Originally
Unabashedly
Authentically
Undeniably
Beautifully
One hundred percent
Me!
Me is all I can be
All I want to be
Who I’ll always be
Me is who I’m proud to be!
Be you and be free!
Never Suppress Your Humanness
Why should I put on a veil of perfection?
Why should I hide my flaws? Everyone has them whether they admit it or not.
Why should I bend over backward to conform to being the cookie-cutter version that everyone wants me to be? It takes strength and bravery to be oneself.
Why should I be forced to suppress my emotions when the situation calls for it, and I’m rightfully sad, afraid, or (gasp!) pissed off?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to make mistakes? That’s how we learn.
Why shouldn’t I, on some days, let myself lounge around the house in my pajamas and no makeup?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to splurge on a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every now and then?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to have my own opinion?
Why shouldn’t I allow myself to speak my mind when need be?
I’d rather be myself exactly as I am, the good, bad and ugly. I won’t suppress any aspect of me. I allow myself to be completely human, no matter who doesn’t like it.
To deny humanness is to be fake. Being fake is too much work, and I’m too lazy.