Tag: apathy

Sadistic Bullies and Schadenfreude

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None of us want to admit that there are such people out in the world- people who get sick pleasure from another’s suffering. If you’re an empath, you’d like to think that every human being has a modicum of feeling when a another person is hurting. That is completely normal. I too would like to think that everyone on Earth has, at least, some feelings, some empathy, and some compassion- even if it’s a teeny tiny speck of it. However, this is not reality.

In this world, there are a lot of people who get sick pleasure from the suffering of their fellow man- particularly those they despise and don’t see as human. Otherwise, we would never have had unspeakable atrocities like the Holocaust, the Jonestown Massacre, or Waco.

The cold hard truth is that most bullies bully because they enjoy it. They get their kicks from it. In fact, they relish it! Think about it, if they didn’t enjoy it, they would never bully. And let’s face it, nobody does anything of their own free will that they don’t enjoy. Ask yourself this question:

Unless someone held a gun to your head, would you do something- anything at all, that you did not enjoy? You wouldn’t because it goes against human nature.

No one does anything unless there is a payoff of some kind in store for them. Most bullies bully because they love to inflict pain on another person. It gives them a sense of power, control, superiority, and domination. Also, they get a thrill from it. Understand that these four things: power, control, superiority, domination, and sadistic jollies, are the payoffs bullies get from hurting people they perceive as weaker- people they know will not (or can’t) fight back.

Through their torment, the bullies send their targets these unspoken messages:

I can do anything I want with you and there is nothing you can do about it.

You are powerless against me.

I am more powerful than you.

I am superior to you.

I dominate you.

I have control over your life.

I am over you.

You are beneath me.

You can’t do anything without my approval.

You are nothing without my approval.

Understand that when bullies bully, they feel almighty! And they enjoy the rush of power they get from it.

Realize that to people of a sadistic nature, bullying others is like pulling the legs off an ant or the wings off a ladybug then watching it squirm. In order words, physical bullies will beat the target just to hear them writhe, groan, or scream in pain. And the bullies will kick him again and again just to get him to scream louder and more frequently.

Psychological bullies will taught and verbally abuse their targets just to get a reaction from them.

And they do this because they cannot get satisfaction, happiness, control, superiority or… power any other way, so the only other option for these bullies is to inflict harm on others. It’s the only way they can feel good about themselves.

However, normal people do not have to hurt others to achieve power. Normal people feel powerful through making accomplishments and achievements. They get power from being able to control their own lives, not someone else’s.

They get their sense of power through having success in their jobs, their family life, their talents, their finances, and their physical health.  This is why people start their own businesses or do strenuous workouts every day. It’s also why they display their talents and gifts.

Understand that getting power this way doesn’t require hurting others.

Bullies, on the other hand couldn’t achieve these things without hurting others. That’s what makes them, well, bullies. They can’t survive in this world without inflicting pain. Even worse, the pain of others is what they thrive on and they can never get enough of it.

These bullies secretly or openly take pleasure in hurting others. And the more the target looks like they are suffering, the more the bullies harm them. They’re like sharks that smell blood in the water.

This is hard to fathom for many empaths, but it’s better to find out now so you won’t be paralyzed with shock when it happens to you.  Shock can throw you off-balance and slow your response time. And if you aren’t reeling with shock, the better you’ll be able to take care of it and respond appropriately.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Attitudes You Deal with When You Encounter Bullying Behavior

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When a target encounters bullies and their unacceptable behavior, he/she often feels dehumanized. They also feel canceled- erased- blotted out! To the bullies, the target’s feelings don’t matter because the target isn’t human to them. Understand that once the target is successfully dehumanized, it becomes much easier for bullies and others to brutalize them.

To the bullies, the target shouldn’t exist. And trying to defend themselves against the brutality only leaves the target exhausted and run down. He/she also goes through severe mental anguish and intense emotional pain. Fear grips the target like a vice because there’s always a risk of a brutal physical assault.

Understand that bullies don’t want to hear or understand the target. They only want to hurt him/her and control their life- every aspect of it. All bullying behavior, whether subtle (such as a micro flash of contempt), or obvious (such as a fit of rage heavily sprinkled with horrible names and expletives) only attempts to harm and control.

It doesn’t matter if the behavior is ridiculous and complete nonsense. When bullies have an outburst, they don’t see themselves as being ridiculous and irrational, even if others do. They see themselves as justified and right and the target deserving of persecution and being controlled.

With that said, I want you to see it for what it is- an attempt by the bullies to control, dominate, and harm. It’s an effort to take away your power, autonomy, freedom, and happiness.

And once you see this, it’s imperative that you walk away from these people and not give them one nanosecond of your time. You must do what you have to do to keep yourself safe. As far as you’re concerned, they are dead to you.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

It’s Hard to Feel Empathy When You’re A Target of Bullying

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Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, the pain only blunts our capacity to feel for others.

Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

It’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you could care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade, and as much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.

Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, thirty years later, I’m sorry that happened to them, but at the time it happened, I had absolutely no feeling for the girls and even had the attitude that it had served them right and that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.

I had been a target of the class for so long I just did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for so long, he/she becomes cold and unfeeling toward other people if they aren’t careful, and it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

If you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your empathy, kindness, and humanity. It won’t be easy, but there are ways to buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying and hold on to your sweetness.