Tag: abuse

abuse

Self-Care Means Looking Out for Number One

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One thing I learned the hard way: If you don’t start looking out for number one, you’ll only continue playing second fiddle to others. Or worse, you might end up coming in last! I cannot stress this enough. It’s not selfish to make yourself numero uno, which means second only to God! Especially around bullies and people who don’t value you.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If you’re a parent raising children, or you have an ailing mother who depends on you, it’s only natural that you would put your family ahead of yourself- that’s a given. We all have an obligation to our families.

It’s also a given (or should be) that you always put God ahead of everyone else, including yourself. Again, that’s completely understandable, and more than that, it’s expected.

But when you’re in a toxic environment, around people who want to use and take you for granted, understand that you are top priority and to hell with them if they don’t like it.

Understand that when you’re being bullied in school or the workplace, the only person you have is you! So, be good to yourself. How you do this is to set firm boundaries and say no- and do it early-on and often!

You have to look out for number one, because, if you don’t, no one else will. In fact, they just might use you as a rug.

I know many, many people who were conditioned to think that putting yourself first is selfish or greedy- that taking care of yourself only means that you’re self-centered. They were raised being told that self-centeredness is a huge turnoff to others and in some cases, that’s true.

However, I’ve also noticed that bullies and abusers also tell their targets and victims those things only to shame them into staying around, silently taking their abuse, and accepting their inferiority to them (the bully/abuser).

Know that there’s a difference in being self-centeredness and self-care.

Self-centeredness means that you think you’re better than everyone else and that you think that any rules don’t apply to you. It means that you’re entitled- that you think everyone else is inferior to you and they should bow down and let you treat them however you deem them worthy because they have no boundaries.

Self-centeredness is one of the roots of bullying and abuse!

Self-care, on the other hand, means that you know that you’re no better than anyone else, but you’re just as good as the next person. Self-care means that you know that you’re equal to the next person and that you don’t deserve to be bullied or abused. Therefore, you know your rights and you’re not afraid to stand up for those rights.

It means that you hold yourself in high regard, just as you hold your family, friends, and the people you love and that you treat yourself just as well as you would another human being deserving of dignity.

It’s funny how quick bullies are to call us selfish or self-centered if we dare to stand up to their abuse. In fact, it’s part of the bully’s (or abuser’s) playbook. Accuse the target of that which you are guilty of yourself. Right?

If you have bullies and abusers who abuse you, always know that if they accuse you of anything- anything at all, you can bet that they are doing it themselves.

So, continue to look out for number one, even if you must find a way to do it on the sly. Don’t you think you’re worth it? I do.

With knowledge comes power!

2 Questions You Must Ask Yourself to Avoid Toxic Conformity

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In today’s world, we are beginning to live under the thumb of toxic conformity. Certain people in power desire to control the masses by media lies and misinformation, censorship, ridiculous mandates, and other ridiculous laws, bills, and orders.

In fact, these powers that be don’t even try to hide their lies and sins anymore, which is a sign of real danger. Because if there’s no incentive to hide wrongdoing, and crimes against humanity, then it means that there’s impunity and the freedom to go on committing violations of basic human rights. Worse even, it’s a green light to escalate these abuses.

I believe that most people have forgotten how to think critically and have lost their voices for fear of not only censorship, but social shunning and cancel culture. Be that as it may, instead of taking the words of these, dare I say, tyrants and traitors, as the gospel, people need to start asking themselves these questions:

1. Who are these lies, bits of misinformation, censors, mandates, and laws really benefiting here? Me? Humanity as a whole? Or the people making all the rules?

2. What will our compliance gain us?

I believe that once we answer these questions for ourselves, we’ll know what we must do to preserve our human rights and liberties. It’s time that we each think and do for ourselves and give these powers that be the proverbial middle finger.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying is One Big Psy-Op

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Young girl bending down covering her face with her hands trying to protect herself from mens’ fists, finger guns and hands pointing at her. Women’s rights. Violence against women. Domestic violence.

Why do I tell you it’s a psychological operation of a sort? It simply because of the purpose of it. Just as the purpose of any psy-ops operations in military warfare and propaganda campaigns is to demoralize the enemy, the same is also the purpose of bullying- to demoralize the target. If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that if bullies can demoralize you, they can then crush your will to stand up for yourself and fight back.

Bullies tell targets things like:

“You’re not strong (pretty, smart) enough.”

“No body likes you” or “You don’t have any friends.”

“You can’t fight against us.”

“You’ll always be a nobody” or “You’ll never amount to anything.”

“No one will ever date you (or) marry you.”

“You’ll never win that contest.”

“You’ll never make the team.”

You’ll never this and you’ll never that. You must realize that these statements are all design to tear down your confidence and to keep you mentally subdued- to get you to overcome your natural reluctance to bow down and take abuse, they must slowly weaken you so that you won’t stand up to them and you’ll give up on yourself and let your bullies just walk all over you.

Again, this is all designed to weaken your resolve and force you to surrender to their abuse.

Bullies want you to believe that you’re worthless.

They want you to believe that you’re powerless.

They want you to believe that you can’t do anything right.

They want you to believe that you’re an evil person.

They want you to doubt yourself

They want you to feel inferior.

toxic brainwashing

In short, they want you to hate yourself.

Why? Because bullies know that whatever you believe about yourself, others are more than likely going to believe it too. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have confidence in you?

These bullies want you to stop focusing on your goals and going after your dreams because they were too lazy to go after theirs. They want to convince you that you’re a failure and that everything you set out to do is going to fall flat. They want you to give up and submit to their subjugation so they can feel superior.

Psy-ops are also conducted to create opportunities that otherwise might not come to fruition.

The opportunity to keep you silent and from talking about their abuse.

The opportunity to bully you freely and with impunity.

The opportunity to use you to further their selfish and evil agendas.

You see, if they can weaken you, they can silence you and they can bully you safely, without being detected and continue to feel superior and get that rush of power. They can use your weaknesses and shortcomings to distract attention from their own. They can make you the bad guy and the object of suspicion while they get to go on doing their dirt without fear of being caught.

Think about it, if they can ruin your reputation and make you into a known troublemaker, then people won’t suspect it’s the bullies stirring up all the discord. They’ll look over at you instead. Understand that where there’s smoke, there’s fire and if people expect trouble to come from a certain person, then that person is where they’re going to look.

To do what the bullies want to do to you requires changing public opinion about you. If bullies can demonize you in the eyes of others, and they often do, they can cut you off from having any friends, allies, or support. Once they cut you off from support, then they can bully you at will because no one else will like you and any bystanders will either not care or they’ll refuse to help you because they will believe that you deserve the abuse.

Bullies are experts at breaking down barriers that would prevent them from abusing you. I urge you to see it all for what it is. Never let them cause you not to believe in yourself. Never let them destroy your confidence. Never let them gaslight you and try to tell you that their behavior is your fault. Never let them cause you to hate yourself.

Always stand up for yourself and call the bullies and their behavior out. Because, in doing so, you keep those barriers in place to protect you. You keep your reputation; you keep the support of others. Most importantly, you keep your confidence, your self-belief, and your healthy self-esteem.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Cycle of Bullying, Psychological Injuries, and Psychological Care of The Target

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Imagine this scenario: A young boy or girl is a target of bullying at their school. Every morning, they arrive at school and are greeted by a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, ridicule, and many times, physical assaults and beatings.

The poor target is trapped in a school they aren’t safe in, a learning environment that’s dangerous to them. The target does their best to stay strong, to hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. The child knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it. They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.

So, the target continues to hide his emotions. He continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying he suffers isn’t such a big deal. But it is and it’s tearing him up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see the target’s stoicism and calmness as a challenge. Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break the target and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.

Then, one day, it happens. The target has a breakdown. After will, no one can bury all that pain forever. She is admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a month and gets the help she needs. She is in a safe environment. Therefore, she is allowed to speak out about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her the support she has long needed, and she begins to heal and get better.

After some time in hospital, he is finally released and is free to go home and his parents take him back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once he’s back, the bullies have a go at him once again.

The target continues to go to school. The bullies only pick up where they left off and continue to harass her. The bullies wonder where she’s been, and they have a pretty good guess at it. So, they bully her harder because, although they don’t know for sure, they only guess where she’s been, and they use the possibility that she was in a hospital as a weapon against her.

Now, not only is the target’s reputation ruined because of the bullying, but, even worse, she has the stigma of mental health hanging over her. Slowly, over time, the bullies and the toxic learning environment manage to undo all the progress the target made in the hospital. Once again, they push her to her breaking point, and she lands back in the hospital.

And thus, becomes a vicious cycle- the target is bullied to the breaking point, he is admitted to the hospital where he can heal. Then, once he heals and he is released from the hospital…and is forced back into the same toxic environment and with the same poisonous people that made him sick to begin with!

I know firsthand of this reality because it happened to me, over and over again, until I finally changed schools.

When I had my first child, I vowed not to make the same mistakes my parents made. If ever my children were bullied and it began to become ritualistic, I would immediately take them out of the school they were bullied in and transfer them to a safer school, no matter what sacrifices I had to make to do it.

Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to have him transferred before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. And it worked!

His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!

Stigma word cloud concept on grey background

Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a child is bullied by classmates and that bullying becomes a pattern. Once it becomes a habit and the other kids grow comfortable with bullying a target, it will only get worse. And if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up back in the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the school, he’s bullied in.

It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school and it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.

Think about it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying or Mobbing?

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Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time and has escalated such that it has now reached a dangerous level. In short, bullying has reached epic proportions.

When there’s Chronic Bullying, bullies have grown so comfortable with bullying the target that they skyrocket the torment and pursue their targets obsessively and non-stop. Where there’s Chronic Bullying, there’s no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s simply no incentive to stop.

In the case of Chronic Bullying, the bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed by an authority. The bullies have become so brazen, cocky, and encouraged that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

The bullies’ apathy toward the victim grows to a point where they lose all empathy and come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward the target. The attitude has now become that anything they do to the victim, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good because, to the bullies, the victim has no value, and his life is worth nothing.

People who bully to these extremes usually have followers and minions backing them up. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work. The bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies are seemingly drunk on their own power and their hatred that the bullying and torment of you seem to be all the bullies can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! The bullies are controlled by hatred and blinded by senseless rage. They have become so addicted to the power and control over another human being that the bullying becomes constant for the bullies to get their fix and maintain the high that the power over the target gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes chronic, bullies don’t see the target as a human being; they see him as so worthless and inferior that, in their minds, the target doesn’t deserve the time of day, much less any respect. As far as the bullies are concerned, the target doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them! Even worse- the target doesn’t deserve to breathe, period!

This is why chronic bullying can be especially dangerous to the target because the victim runs the chance of either breaking and committing suicide or being murdered by their bullies.

This is why it’s so important to get out anytime bullying becomes chronic. Get out of that environment- transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Again, because once bullying becomes chronic, it becomes so out of control that it takes on a life all it’s own. There’s no stopping it at this stage.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Flowers Can’t Grow and Bloom Without Sunlight

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Self-doubt is the killer of dreams. It comes when a person is consistently showered with toxicity and toxicity comes from toxic people- bullies and abusers. When all a person gets is insults and abuse for a long period of time, they become exhausted and any positivity they once had is slowly drained from them until they’re totally depleted of it.

Eventually, if targets aren’t careful, they’ll start to believe their abusers. They start seeing themselves through the eyes of their bullies. They’ll give up and others will see in them, a person who’s lackluster and slow.

When you’re a target of bullying, you’re like a flower that gets nothing but constant rain. The flower doesn’t grow and develop properly. The consistent abuse zaps your energy and keeps you hyper-vigilant and on guard 24/7- waiting for the other shoe to drop.

What happens is you lose your happiness, confidence, pride, will, and purpose in life. In essence, your bullies take away your good qualities and turn you into a person you don’t even recognize anymore.

Depression Concept with Word Cloud and a Humanbeing with broken Brain and Heavy Rain

Bullying and abuse takes the joy out of your life and you begin to daydream about escaping your current situation. If there is no escape route available, you feel stuck. Then, you isolate yourself and become a recluse. You retreat into your own little fantasy world because it just feels safer that way.

Finally, you stop growing as a person because you live inside your head instead of observing life that’s going on around you and learning the lessons life is trying to teach you. All the while, the bullying and abuse you suffer only gets worse because everyone around you knows that you’re living inside your head and they ridicule you for it.

And people who do not know what you are going through or don’t understand you may mistake you for being lazy, slow, or stupid. But it only causes you to retreat further inside yourself and the bullying only gets worse. It is a vicious cycle, and it is no way to live!

Not only do I understand how you feel inside, I understand why. Just as flowers can’t grow without sunlight, people can’t grow without positivity. Flowers need a good balance of rain and sunlight and people need a good balance of positivity and negativity. They cannot survive on just negativity nor positivity.

Too much negativity or, in this case, toxicity, and the person’s emotional and psychological growth will be stunted. Then, their happiness, confidence, and dreams will die, and they’ll give up. Too much positivity, and they lose touch with the real world and real people, then become arrogant, full of themselves, demanding, and tyrannical! There has to be a healthy balance of both before a person can truly grow.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, never accept what bullies and abusers try to cram down your throat. I want you to realize that they don’t know you at all, although they may claim they know you more than you know yourself. The truth is, nobody can possibly know you like that and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

Understand that bullies and abusers are miserable people who want you to be as miserable as they are. Stay away from those people. They aren’t worth your time or energy. Only keep company with people who love you and who uplift you!

Remember that there’s always hope and you’re worth much more than what your bullies say you are and more than you may think you are. Never let bullies destroy the things inside you that matter the most- your self-love, self-respect, confidence, and sense of pride. Those things are yours and not for anyone else to have!

And how you do this is through self-care. If at all possible, remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a new place where you can grow and flourish, and where you can make friends and be no only accepted, but celebrated!

Be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Be your own sunlight! Keep company with people who allow you to shine and the sun to shine on you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Your Mind Is Yours and Yours Alone. Keep It That Way.

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Bullies don’t only want to hurt you or destroy your good name. More than anything, they want to get into your head and alter your mind.

The worst thing about bullying isn’t the physical assaults. Cuts and bruises heal easily. It isn’t even the name-calling, the smears, the rumors, or the marginalization. It’s what it can do to the mind if we aren’t careful.

The worst thing that can happen to a target of bullying is when he begins to believe what he’s being told. The worst thing that happens is when she begins to see herself through the eyes of the very people who hate her and who want nothing more from her than her complete destruction and ruination.

Anytime a target begins to believe he is nothing, he does himself a huge disservice because he discards his own definition of him and replaces it with that of his bullies. He values the bullies’ opinions over his own.

I cannot stress enough the importance of loving yourself even when it looks as if others don’t love you back. You must continue to believe in yourself even when it seems that no one else does. You must also continue to stand your ground even when people want to bury you in it.’

That’s how you keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. It’s how you keep even a little bit of your dignity and it’s how you protect your spirit from being broken.

Yes, your confidence may take many blows, but it doesn’t have to die. Your self-esteem may be pummeled, but you can keep it for hitting rock bottom. Bullies may break off pieces of your dignity, but you don’t have to give them the piece of it you still hold for yourself. Your spirit may take a hard beating, but only you decide whether to let them break it.

In short, you don’t have to surrender everything that matters to your bullies.’

You have more power than you know. Your thoughts are the freest commodity you have. No matter what they take from you, they can never take your mind if you don’t let them.

“Power is not what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky (Rules for Radicals)

Think about that quote for a moment and realize that it’s what all bullies live by.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Cherie White/Bill Murray Podcast March 10, 2022

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I posted the link earlier and found out from a few bloggers that it doesn’t work. I found that the link does work when I copy the link, then go to a search engine and paste it in the url bar.  However, for some reason, it doesn’t work when you click it and try to go directly from this site. Know that I understand your frustration and I’m contacting tech support and working on the issue. Please allow me to apologize for the inconvenience.

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/naasca/2022/03/11/stop-child-abuse-now-scan–2874

Q & A call-in discussion with a survivor-professional, using an OPEN MIKE forum. We’ll feature a survivor-professional co-host who’ll field topics brought to the episode by you, the listener. ~~ Tonight’s special guest will be Cherie White from Covington, Tennessee, an anti bullying advocate and author of three books who uses her own story of being bullied and gaslighted to help those enduring the same abuse today. “When I became a target of severe and chronic bullying as a sixth grader at the age of twelve,” she says, “I began a long lesson in the human predator/prey dynamic and a battle for my dignity, safety, and my very soul.” At first she took the physical beatings, name-calling, and abuse. Cherie was a victim of what is called ‘poly-victimization’. In just six months she went from being a kid who always made the honor roll, to an angry and bitter girl who made only C’s and D’s. “Who could concentrate on schoolwork?” she asks. Cherie attempted suicide at the age of fourteen. “Because I felt powerless, I began to bully those who were even weaker than me in attempts to grab back some of my power.” ~~ On these episodes we welcome various co-hosts, survivor-professionals who’ll assist in fielding questions and lead a variety of topics suggested by our call-in participants. Their trauma-informed perspectives as survivor-professionals will help them guide discussions on the issues of child abuse, trauma and healthy human sexuality that spring from questions and topics brought to us by our listeners. ~~ Everyone’s invited to engage on tonight’s show. ~~ Please visit the NAASCA.org web site.

Distinguishing Between Dislike and Disrespect

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There can be respect without like. However, there can never be like without respect. Put more straightforward, a person doesn’t have to like you to respect you, but they do have to respect you to like you.

Respect and like are different in that like is based on commonalities, and good feelings shared between people. When you like someone, you enjoy their company and the positivity they bring to your life. On the other hand, respect is regard for another person’s safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, and individuality.

When you respect someone, you may not necessarily like the person, but you see them as having the same rights and considerations as you and everyone else.

A conceptual look at respect, esteem, appreciation, recognition.

To not like somebody means you have nothing in common or just don’t want to be around the person. That’s perfectly okay because not everybody is alike and shares the same beliefs, feelings, ideas, or backgrounds. Like is subjective.

But to not respect someone means that you have no regard for their safety, space, freedom, privacy, property, or individuality. In other words, if you have no respect for a specific individual, you don’t see them as having the same human rights and considerations as you and everyone else. And when you don’t respect someone, you will think it’s perfectly okay to violate that person because they somehow deserve to be violated.

Therefore, you can dislike someone but respect their right not to have their boundaries crossed. When you disrespect someone, you won’t acknowledge that person’s boundaries, and you are more likely to trample their dignity and human rights.

In your mind, the person either doesn’t or shouldn’t have the same human rights or dignity as you and everyone else. You may wish the person harm or ill will. You may not want to breathe the same air as the person.

Signs of Dislike

1. Nothing in common with the person. You wish them well, but you’d prefer not to go on long trips with them. You have no problem coexisting.

2. You see them as having the same human rights and you and anyone else, and you won’t bully them nor place them in danger. You only don’t have anything in common with the person.

Signs of Disrespect

1. Lack of regard for the person’s freedom- this could include belittling their opinions and ideas, taking away their freedom to speak by talking over them when they are speaking, getting angry with them if they would rather spend time with family than with you or the group.

2. Lack of regard for the person’s safety- you bully them or put them in danger of being physically hurt. You don’t want to coexist.

If you are a victim of bullying, you must distinguish between the two and act appropriately. Disrespect is much worse than dislike. Dislike is a part of life and much easier to deal with. Disrespect, on the other hand, is harmful.

The people who dislike you won’t necessarily try to hurt you but act neutral around you. They might even say a few words to you to be polite. They just won’t be buddy-buddy with you.

On the other hand, people who disrespect you will violate you. They will shame you, humiliate you, try to sabotage you, and physically assault you.

If the people around you dislike you, it’s their loss, and you can still be around them if you must.

However, if they disrespect you, then it’s time to either walk away from them or send them packing, one of the two. People who regard you with disrespect don’t deserve a place in your life!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why You Should Never Ask a Bully, “Why?”

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Many targets who are bullied will ask their bullies why.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Why me?”

“What did I ever do to you?”

Realize that these questions are pointless because, by asking these types of questions, the target is only reinforcing their role as victim and that’s not good. Also, a bully will never answer those questions and it’s because they can’t answer them. Even if they could answer them, they’d either never tell you, or they wouldn’t tell you the correct answer.

Remember that part of the bully’s power is to keep you guessing and asking these questions- to keep you confused and in the dark. And believe me, their silence on it speaks just as loudly as their words.

Again, bullies love to keep you guessing and trying to wrack your brain. That alone is power in and of itself. If bullies can keep you wondering, they can continue the behavior and they can do it without you catching on to the reality that they are really the ones with the problem and not you.

It’s best to look up articles and books on bullying to get the answers to your questions. I promise that you’ll get much better answers from these sources than you ever will from your bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

“Good Will Hunting” The Moral of the Movie

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When I watched the movie “Good Will Hunting” for the first time twenty years ago, the character Will Hunting reminded me a lot of myself during high school- bullied, angry, lashing out at people, and would fight at the drop of a hat if someone stepped on my toes. I wasn’t a genius like he was. But still, there’s a moral to the movie.

Will, although uber-smart and talented, had been conditioned to think he was worth less than what he was, hence his working a job as a college janitor at the beginning of the movie. With his smarts, Will could have any job he wanted. He just didn’t know it.

Because this poor kid had a terrible start in life, he had long ago lost sight of his worth as a person. Just as I, and the character Will Hunting, leaned the hard way, you must know your worth to be happy and have a good life. Know that you have value and that you matter because if you’re blind to that, you’ll never be successful at anything.

For example, if you do not know your worth, you’re likely never to reach your true potential. You’ll end up settling for less than you deserve. You’ll sell yourself out in every area of life.

You’ll settle for crummy dead-end jobs that pay a pittance, dates, and partners you aren’t interested in, and friends who treat you shoddily. But one thing Will did have is great friends who had his back. Those guys would’ve laid down their lives for him.  So, I can say that Will chose his buddies wisely. But in every other area of life, he sold himself short. And his best friend finally told him the same thing, in so many words, toward the end of the movie.

As the old saying goes, “If you settle for less, you get even less than what you settled for.”

And that’s the gospel truth because I did that when I was young and got even worse than what I thought I’d accepted. It was all because others had programmed me to believe that the mere crumbs I’d received were the best I could do. And let me tell you, it royally sucked!

That’s what bullying does if you let it.

Fortunately, I eventually scratched and clawed my way out of that mindset, and now live a better and happier life. It wasn’t easy, but it got better once I began drumming into my own head that there was more out there for me and that I deserved a good life as much as anyone else.

Will Hunting also got the message at the end of the movie. He eventually saw his worth and found the courage to go after the life he wanted.

Isn’t it time you started getting more of what you want and deserve out of life?

Make the decision today to begin aiming higher! Apply for that 90K per year job you may or may not qualify for. Go ask out the girl who you initially thought was out of your league. Command respect and love from others and return the same to them. Aim higher than you ever have and watch your life begin to change for the better and become more rewarding!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Reasons Bullies Need Targets to Depend on Their Approval

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Sadly, bullies successfully convince targets that they must depend on them for something. It’s true.

“Depend on bullies? For what?” You may ask.

For acceptance and approval. For the ability to make friends and establish relationships. Yes, many targets of bullying have been hoodwinked into thinking that they should depend on bullies to have these things. This is how bullies keep targets essentially begging for it- by dangling carrots of the possibilities of having them. And the reasons why bullies do this is to keep their targets under their control and to force them to do what they want them to do.

Think about it. Domestic abusers, who are also bullies, do basically the same to their partners- keep them dependent in order to keep control of them. Only domestic abusers keep their partners dependent mostly on financial resources by keeping a tight grip on any money that come into the household.

Domestic abusers also close their partners off from any job opportunities and cutting them off from their friends and family who may see through them and convince their partner to leave.

Abuse is abuse, whether it comes in the form of bullying or domestic violence and psychological manipulation.

Oh! But wait!

Socialist and Communist governments (again, also bullies) always do this to their peoples- make and keep them dependent on them to keep control of them, their behavior, and their thoughts. These tyrannical governments keep their citizenry dependent by controlling all the resources- food, the water supply, energy distribution, income and wealth distribution.

Because, if you can keep someone dependent, you can make the rules and tell them what they can and cannot do. Even worse, you can force them to put up with horrible conditions and treatment- things that they wouldn’t, under normal circumstances, tolerate. You can control every aspect of a person’s life if you can make them depend on you for their very survival!

When bullies do this, they keep you afraid to be your own person, to exercise your autonomy, speak freely, be creative, and to flourish. They keep you fearful of standing up to them, calling them out of their atrocious behavior and abuse, and of asserting your God-given right not to be controlled and abused.

Understand that bullies, domestic abusers, and oppressive governments/regimes have the same in common- to control everyone and destroy their targets. It’s how they keep everyone dependent and obligated, and, therefore preserve dominance and power over.

Realize that in the minds of bullies, other people are only there for their convenience, their purpose, and their agenda. Nothing more!

With knowledge comes power!

Involving the Police in Bullying Incidents — Peaceful Rampage

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I would have liked these guys to respond to my calls. Originally, last week’s post about whether the police should be involved in bullying incidents was going to be a one off. However, this past week or so, I have been reading the book by author Cherie White titled: “From Victim to Victor.” It’s Cherie’s […]

Involving the Police in Bullying Incidents — Peaceful Rampage
I’m delighted to say that a fellow blogger, Michael D. LeFevre, AKA 80smetalman @ the Peaceful rampage blog is reading my book, a memoir entitled, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying” and giving recaps as he goes without divulging too much info. I want to sincerely thank Michael for the overwhelming support he has given me! I couldn’t be more grateful to him.
For those of you who don’t know, Michael was also severely bullied at school and in the town he grew up in. Thankfully, he now leads a happy and successful life with his wife, children, and grandchildren in England. It is my hope that he continues to enjoy peace and happiness and that he has even more success with his book, “He Was Weird,” which is a fictional account of his own experiences with bullying.
I am currently reading, “He Was Weird” by Michael D. LeFevre and will post my own review once I’m finished. Like me, Michael is an overcomer and I’m so proud of him. He is another survivor of bullying who went from victim to victor!

The Day I Stopped Caring What Others Thought

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When I stopped caring what others thought of me, I stopped apologizing for being me. Instead of hiding my flaws, I started embracing them. Instead of judging myself, I began loving and accepting myself- all aspects, the good and the not-so-good. I started living up to my own standards and experiencing life on my terms.

When I stopped worrying needlessly about what people thought, I set myself free from the chains of fear and anxiety and was no longer a slave to others’ opinions and approval. I no longer felt the need to walk on eggshells and hide my natural humanness. I stopped feeling like I wasn’t good enough and comparing myself to others. I no longer allowed anyone else to dictate what I should say, do, think, or feel.

I began permitting myself to make mistakes because we all make them whether or not some of us admit it. Even better, I started learning from those mistakes and seeing them as life lessons, rather than defects or screw-ups. I finally accepted that I’m not and never will be perfect. Who is?

Silhouettes of hands are breaking the chain—freedom concept.

I learned that like, and dislike is subjective, never personal. I accepted that not everybody was going to like me and was not only okay with it but embraced it! Because if you don’t have people who don’t like you, you’re not doing something right- in one area or another, you’re not your true, authentic self.

I permitted myself to follow my heart, sing, dance, speak my piece, and yes! Even be a little weird. In all this, I took back control of my life and found freedom I’d never known.

The day I stopped caring what people think was the day I got my life back, and slowly but surely, my bullies began to disappear. I began to feel beautiful, smart, and, best of all, equal.

Positive things started coming my way magically and seemingly without effort. I began attracting the right people into my life- genuine people who were loving, caring, uplifting, and inspiring. Existing relationships drastically improved. An abundance of opportunities and blessings flowed into my life. I began seeing wins and successes that were very rewarding and fulfilling, which only encouraged me to stretch my imagination, take more risks, and try new things.

Today, I look back and ask myself why. Why did I even give a crap what my bullies and others- people who meant absolutely jack to me and could do nothing for me, thought of me?

They weren’t my family or friends.
They didn’t pay my bills.
They didn’t sign my paycheck every week.
They didn’t hold my life in their hands.
And they most certainly weren’t people I cared anything about.

I wasted a lot of time and energy, which I can never get back, worrying needlessly about what people thought of me. The truth of it is that most of those people nor their opinions were never even worth my consideration.

The only opinions that matter are those of my God, my family, my husband, and my closest and most trusted friends. And the only things that matter are my faith in God, my dreams, my morals, taking care of the people I love, my ability to be the best me I can be, and my desire to extend kindness and reach out and help those who need me. Anyone or anything outside of that is irrelevant.

One Situation Where People Are Likely to Accuse You of Being a Bully

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blame point fingers

It’s when you don’t feel comfortable around a particular person. Understand that just because you prefer not to be around someone doesn’t necessarily make you a bully and you may have legitimate and justifiable reasons for it. Let’s face it, we like who we like and we dislike who we dislike.

What if the person creeps you out? What if you just don’t feel safe around the person? What if the person is toxic and constantly dogs your mood?

Naturally, you will try to avoid this person. In fact, no sensible and healthy human being would want to be around such a person. But be prepared for a few clueless others to throw the label of “bully” in your face.

Know that, anytime the internal alarm in the pit of your gut sounds off because you sense that something is “off” about a certain person, you have every right to ensure your own safety. You not only have a right, but an obligation to yourself to steer clear of the suspicious person.

Today, we live in a culture of fruit-bats who are so quick to cry “bully” anytime you listen to your own intuition and avoid a potentially dangerous person. Be that as it may, you still have a right to protect yourself from creeps, pedophiles, rapists, murderers, grifters, and other such nefarious people.

And you can bet that those “clueless others” who judge you wouldn’t stay around someone who gave them the heebie-jeebies either, only they’d never tell you. Sadly, the world is full of hypocrites.

And the unspoken messages these people send are clear:

“Safety and protection for us but not for you.”

“It’s bad when you do it but it’s okay when we do it!”

Don’t let these types of people confuse you. Realize that you don’t have to justify yourself to them or anyone! When you’re only trying to keep yourself safe physically or psychologically, no explanation is needed! And if others unfairly judge you for being uncomfortable around someone, then perhaps, you should really piss them off by adding their names to your checklist of idiots to avoid.

Again, not wanting to be around someone isn’t bullying. You are not seeking to hurt them, you just prefer not to be near them for your own peace of mind. It’s only when we seek to repeatedly and ritually harm that person that it crosses the line into bullying.

With knowledge comes empowerment!