The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

December 7, 2024December 5, 20246 Comments

‘Want to know why your bullies set the explaining trap for you and how you should respond to it? Here are several reasons they use this tactic and what you can do to blow them off and save your energy.

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into falling into the explaining trap. It’s a trap because, no matter how you much you explain things to the bullies, they will only pretend not to understand. Moreover, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the explaining trap, why bullies use it, and what you can do to shut them down.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to confidently stonewall them. And the best part is that you’ll save your time and energy for better things.

This post is all about the explaining trap and what you can do to protect yourself from bullies and abusers who use it.

The Explaining Trap

Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet, bullies are good at getting their victims to explain themselves on things that don’t need to be explained.

Worst of all, victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.

As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.

This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

Why do Bullies use this evil technique?

1. To throw you off-balance

Again, bullies love to trick you into explaining yourself. However, no matter how much you explain, the bullies will only act as if they don’t understand your explanation. Or, they simply won’t accept it, no matter how logical it may be.

Moreover, your bullies will keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trap! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.

2. The Explaining Trap

To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later

‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more chances they have to reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you sooner or later.

Moreover, they may use this psychological weaponry either the next day, or even years later.

You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.

For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”

You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.

3. To trip you up

Oftentimes, when bullies dupe you into explaining anything to them, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.

Therefore, chances are that you won’t be able to keep your story straight, no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.

So, What do you do?

In other words, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength?

There are several smart ways to respond to the explaining trap.

1. “You know what you did.”

For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.

You want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Realize that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! In fact, you don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.

2. “You know when it happened.”

You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”

All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.

The trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. In other words, use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.

Because, again, you don’t owe them shit!

3. the explaining trap:

“Stop Pretending you don’t know what you did.”

This response is especially good! Why? Because, not only are you not explaining anything to them, you’re also calling out what your bullies are trying to do. And they’re trying to play you – to pretend they don’t know what they did to piss you off.

Therefore, you keep the upper hand with this comeback. Even better, you keep your self-respect and dignity.

4. “Just Stop it!”

This is another smart response. It’s short, it’s to the point, and it’s only three little words! Moreover, you’re setting a boundary any time you say “Stop.”

Also, you can say this if your bullies continue to ask more questions. With this response, you immediately cut off any further manipulation. In fact, you stop it dead in it’s tracks!

And, once you say it, put up your hand and walk away.

5. “What Are You? Five?”

This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like fools!

Therefore, you win!

6. The Explaining Trap:

“Do I Have to spell it out for you?”

This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like clueless dingbats. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.

Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and make them look stewwwwpid!

However, most victims, sadly, miss that opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.

Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.

7.”Just get out of here.”

This is a good comeback because it tells the bullies that you won’t allow them to manipulate you. Moreover, it also lets them know that you don’t want them around. And, if witnesses are around to see it, it only makes it that much better!

Another great thing about this response is that you can modify it to suit your particular style of communication. You can substitute it with, “Get lost,” “Hit the road,” “Get bent,” and much more.

8. You can even choose not to respond verbally.

In other words, you can only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.

Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.

If you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!

9. The Explaining Trap:

Sometimes, You can just not respond at all.

You can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does and sometimes not. It depends on the personality types you’re dealing with.

For instance, if you’re dealing with a person with narcissistic personality disorder, this definitely won’t work. So, use good judgement.

This post was all about the explaining trap and how you can respond so that you can recognize it when you bullies use it on you and deal with it intelligently.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

4. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

the psychological effects of gaslighting

Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

December 6, 2024December 1, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you can better protect yourself against it? Here are the proven impacts gaslighters inflict that you must know about.

The psychological effects of gaslighting are many and massive. When victims of bullying and abuse endure gaslighting, the abuser and their flying monkeys only victimize them twice.

In this post, you will learn all the psychological effects of gaslighting on victims so that you’ll have more motivation to protect yourself against it.

After learning about all these ramifications, you will be better able to defend yourself against the evil deeds of gaslighters. Moreover, you will be about to call it out and explain what you’re dealing with when you talk about it.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting so that you will better be able to explain to others what it does to victims.

Psychological effects of gaslighting

Before we get to the list, let’s touch on the goal of gaslighting and gaslighting tactics. Also, let’s preview how bullying and gaslighting impact your psyche.

Gaslighting is about wresting power and control over your mind. Bullies do this by undermining your reality. They minimize your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Moreover, they deflect and shift blame to you. Also, they’re notorious for feigning concern over your (mental) well being.

Understand that this is how they weaponize compassion and goodwill.

Gaslighters are experts at twisting the truth and re-framing conversations. Additionally, they slyly use your reactions to their abuse against you.

Why? To discredit you by making you look as if you have a mental imbalance. You should never tolerate this kind of behavior.

When people inflict bullying and gaslighting on you, they objectify you. In other words, they use you as an inanimate object, a tool for gratification and a rush of power.

It is as if you only exist for other people’s purposes and not you own. Slowly, over time, it does damage to your mental health and if you’re not careful, you may never grow into a fully mature human being.

Consequently, you may begin to see yourself as the projected object the bullies deem you to be. When bullies notoriously gaslight you, they deliberately try to distort your reality.

Why? Because they themselves deny reality. Bullies and abusers deny facts, uncontested truths, and the concreteness of evidence.

Therefore, they try to make reality into an imaginary illusion when, in fact, reality is the opposite.

So, what happens when a bullies try to undermine your perception of reality?

They brainwash you and force you to see things from their point of view. I’ve met many kinds of people in my life. This includes gaslighters- enough of them to know their tactics and recognize them like the back of my hand.

11 Psychological effects of gaslighting

Here is a list of the ways gaslighting impacts victims.

1. Self-doubt

Gaslighting causes you to doubt yourself. Therefore, you doubt what you see, hear, feel and believe.

What gaslighters are best at is trying to make you doubt your sanity or your memory when you call out their bad behavior and evil deeds. Or, when you report them for bullying.

For example, when you tell them to stop bullying you or you report them, your bullies may tell you that “you took it wrong and that they were only trying to help you.” Moreover, they can accuse you of being “mentally imbalanced” or “having a bad memory.”

Also, they may say that you didn’t hear them correctly.

Here’s another example. Your bullies call you an ugly name and you counter them saying, “I’m not a (ugly name). However, they only come back with, “Well, if the shoe fits, wear it!”

Although you know the shoe doesn’t fit, understand that your bullies will do everything in their power to try and shoehorn it.

Therefore, see these derogatory names and remarks for what they’re designed to do. And that is to get you to doubt yourself.

Don’t allow gaslighters to do this to you. Again, see through the lies. You must use their lies to solidify your perception of reality instead of distort it. Instead of allowing them to weaken you, let them only increase your strength and resilience.

In other words, double down!

These are only a few examples. Here are many other gaslighting examples to be aware of, along with a list of counter-statements you can use to shut down gaslighting.

2. Psychological effects of gaslighting: You lose confidence in yourself.

Bullies will fool you into doubting your own goodness and importance.

Gaslighters will also instill doubt in your mind about the people who truly love you. They’ll tell you that your friends and family don’t even love you. Moreover, they’ll claim that the reason they don’t love you is because you’re unlovable.

Moreover, they’ll trick you into doubting your abilities. They do this by making hurtful statements such as, “You can’t do anything right.” Moreover, they may call you cruel names such as, “st*pid,” when you accidentally spill a glass of milk.

Understand that everyone makes mistakes and has accidents. Therefore, never let them break down your confidence in yourself.

Hold on to your confidence. Because without it, you might as well have nothing.

3. You adopt a sense of insecurity.

Enduring gaslighting can make you insecure. If you put up with it long enough, you’ll develop social anxiety and feel nervous around people.

As a result, this kills your social opportunities.

Therefore, keep your outgoing personality no matter how bullies may treat you. They just might be jealous of your friendly nature.

4. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Hyper vigilance

Hyper vigilance is an awareness of potential threats way beyond that which is normal. In other words, when a person is hyper vigilant, they’re overly alert. However, this is a trauma response and it’s not your fault if you suffer from it.

Many victims of bullying and abuse suffer from hyper vigilance after bullies and abusers have traumatized them for so long. The same thing happens when you endure gaslighting for any length of time.

This can only cause exhaustion and other physical ailments.

Again, it’s not your fault. Therefore, don’t blame yourself. Know that there are resources and people you can turn to for help. So, please. Check into those.

5. Distrust in yourself and others.

Victims of gaslighting neither trust themselves to make the right decisions nor do they trust others not to harm them. Therefore, they live a life of constantly looking out for potential threats.

This is understandable. After bullies and abusers have bullied and gaslighted you for so long, you tend to lose trust in everyone, including yourself.

How you begin trusting yourself again is to stop worrying what other people think, face the fear, and begin making your own decisions. Just do it.

Also, how you learn to trust others is to be selective in who you place your trust in. Watch people and learn what threatening body language looks like. Moreover, learn the body language of deception and negativity.

Once you learn all these things, you will be able to better judge who to trust and who not to.

6. Psychological effects of gaslighting: They begin having difficulty with decision making.

This goes back to number five. You have difficulty making decisions because you don’t trust yourself to make the right decisions.

Moreover, you’re afraid to make decisions because you’re always wondering what people will think. You were bullied so badly that people ridiculed everything you did. And when you defended yourself, they gaslighted you for it.

I feel your pain. But, stop that! No one has to live your life but you. Therefore, only you can possibly know what’s best for you. For your own sake, quit letting others dictate your choices because they could care less about what’s for your good.

Yes, I know it’s scary when others have bullied and beaten you down for years. However, you cannot continue to live this way because it’s a miserable existence and life’s too short.

You don’t have to allow this any longer. Take back your autonomy and freedom and just do it! Begin making your own decisions today. And screw them if they don’t like it. You deserve to finally live your life on your terms.

Screw it, just do it!

7. They withdraw from others.

You withdraw from others because you’re afraid that they’ll only bully you. In other words, you’re afraid of history repeating itself. However, what if it doesn’t?

Again, although understandable, the only thing this will do is socially hold you back. Put simpler, it will have a negative impact on your existing relationships and keep you from starting new ones.

Therefore, don’t let the bullies of your past or present hold you back from relationships and friendships that could fulfill you and uplift you.

You deserve to have a social life and you deserve to draw in people who love you and celebrate you. So, put yourself out there and be your best self.

8. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Isolation

Because it seems everyone has bullied and gaslighted you, you feel that the only way for you to be safe is to isolate yourself. Therefore, you must know that this will only make things worse for you.

Why? Because you stand to lose touch with friends and family who could be there to help you. Moreover, you cut yourself off from the many opportunities that come with socializing and keeping contact with friends and family and making new ones.

In short, you become a shut in. Is this how you’d rather live your life?

Know that you deserve to have a life that’s rich and rewarding with people who love and uplift you. You deserve it. You may have been told otherwise but you were lied to. I repeat! You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and want best for you.

Therefore, never isolate yourself. Instead, get out there and take risks. Meet people. Just watch them and be choosy with who you allow in.

9. False guilt

After bullies and gaslighters have abused you for so long, it’s too easy to self-loathe and feel guilty for things you haven’t done. This only further erodes your self-esteem and peace of mind.

Moreover, if you allow others to unjustly heap false guilt over your head, what do you think they will do next?

Therefore, understand that you aren’t responsible for anyone else’s bad behavior but your own.

In other words, you cannot control the actions of another person. The only behaviors you can control are yours. So, again, never accept accountability for your bullies’ evil ways.

Know that you have the power to refuse to carry any burden that isn’t yours to carry.

10. Psychological effects of gaslighting: Anxiety

It’s no secret that bullying and gaslighting can cause anxiety in victims and survivors. Anxiety is a booger bear because it causes you to worry constantly about something bad that has happened before, occurring again in the future.

In other words, thoughts of negative possibilities begin to occupy your mind all the time. It causes nervousness and uneasiness and renders you unable to relax.

This is no way to live. You deserve better. Therefore, you can talk to a therapist, your best friend or trusted family member. Either way, talk to someone you trust.

However, don’t let the anxiety go on for so long that it turns into a disorder.

11. Physical ailments, such as stomach issues and headaches

Psychological trauma has ways of causing illness in the body as well. This is why you must take steps to heal your mind from the effects of gaslighting and bullying.

Moreover, make sure you eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest. Take care of your body like you would your possessions. Because you health is your wealth.

This post is all about the psychological effects of gaslighting, how it impacts you, and how you can overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

December 4, 2024November 27, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know the purpose of smear campaigns and the stealthy techniques bullies use to ruin your good name? Here is a detailed description of the process and why these evil tactics work so well.

Smear campaigns are destructive to your reputation and can even ruin your life.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the detailed tactics bullies employ in their smear campaigns so that you can better guard yourself against them.

Once you learn this very important information, you will will better able to defend yourself against them and save your good name.

This post is all about smear campaigns, the tactics bullies use to launch them, and what you can do to successfully defend yourself against them.

Smear Campaigns and the importance of reputation

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

So, why do bullies attack your reputation?

Simply put, they do it to strip you of power. Bullies know that, once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack. In other words, they know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down.

Why? Because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions finish you off.

Moreover, after they trash your good name, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.

How do Smear Campaigns work?

It always starts subtly.

So, Where do they begin?

1. They start by planting seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others.

They may cast doubt on you by doing something as subtle as dropping a suggestion. Doubt is a powerful tool. It sets the stage for the next stages of the smear.

2. Smear Campaigns:

They spread rumors and lies.

All it takes is one little rumor- just one!

Bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because the target can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. He could deny the rumors, even produce evidence that proves his innocence of the accusations.

2. He could ignore the lies and blow his accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

However, either way, people will still look at the target with suspicion. If the target defends himself and produces evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

If he ignores the lies and waves his accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of him because they’ll think that he has something to hide and is only playing it cool.

Bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get the target so enraged and rattled that while defending himself, he ends up making a truckload of mistakes.

Also, if this happens and the target hasn’t yet established a reputation, the smear campaign will work all the more in the bullies’ favor.

Bullies spread lies and rumors by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, they’ll fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, whatever lies they spread will stick.

3. They’ll Repeat the same lies.

In other words, the bullies use repetition. They repeat the same rumor over and over again until it sticks. And sadly, once repeated enough times, more and more people will believe it and it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie.

In fact, by then, others will want to believe it.

And, once the bullies have done their part, they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy! There’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.

4. Bullies will provoke you to trick you into living up to the rumors.

If bullies spread a rumor that you’re mentally imbalanced, they may provoke some kind of emotional reaction from you. They may do this by taunting you.

Moreover, they may also provoke you by hitting you first, hoping you’ll hit them back so they can use it as proof that you really are unhinged.

Smear Campaigns: What happens when Your Reputation takes a hit?

1. People will negatively judge any talents, actions, or contributions, good or bad.

Here’s how this works.

Two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way. However, each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.

In other words, it’s not what you do. It’s who you are when you do it. It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

However, let a person everyone despises write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that isn’t even worth reading.

Thank God for pseudonyms!

This brings me to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything!

The Character, Chris Chambers in the movie, “Stand by Me”

Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief.

Moreover, during the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, Chris told him about how he got his bad name and wished he could go somewhere where no one knew him.

During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal. However, he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.

And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.

Smear campaigns have stages.

Stage 1:

The bullies will cast doubt on your character and drop suggestions. Also, they’ll spread lies and rumors. They will then provoke you. You blow them off for a while but the bullies are relentless. Therefore, they not only continue but escalate the harassment.

Finally, you get fed up with their crap and, out of exhaustion and emotion, tell them to go to hell in a hand basket. And there! The bullies get the reaction they’ve been waiting for.

Now, the smear campaign begins. Your bullies start by suggesting that you’d be better off if you got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for your own good to look as if they have genuine concern for you.

Next, they may drop an offhand comment here and another there. Understand that bullies need to slowly and ever-so-gradually ramp up the smears. Why? So, that what they’re doing doesn’t appear so obvious.

Character vs Reputation

In the beginning, you may have friends. Others may like or even love you. Moreover, they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.

However, that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.”

Or, the bullies may lie to your friends by telling them that sometime in the past, you criticized them or stabbed them in the back.

Smear Campaigns Stage 2.

Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy.

Moreover, they make false statements and accuse you of wrongs you never committed.

And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they grow until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.

You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”

However, you couldn’t be more wrong!

stage 3.

Once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth.

Therefore, by the time the open bullying is underway, you no longer have a clean reputation.

The results of successful smear campaigns.

Now, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around you also feel that the reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into their hearts.

They’ll say that you put on a front, and you only weaseled your way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.

Moreover, others will make your past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades irrelevant. They will also maximize your mistakes and failures and add many more you didn’t make.

In other words, they will rewrite your history.

If you’re on your best behavior and others see it with their own eyes, they’ll only accuse you of being a con artist. Also, any hard evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll chalk it up to you being a smooth-talker who’s good at using charm to manipulate others.

And the friends that your bullies turn against you? They’ll claim that they never liked you from the start. Moreover, they’ll swear up and down that they were only kind to you because they felt sorry for you, or because you conned them.

Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations.

Also, they’ll say that they only agreed with you about your bullies because you fooled them into it.

Telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”

I want you to understand that once people’s minds are already made up, there’s no changing it.

Smear Campaigns Stage 4

Stage 4 is the late stage. Therefore, in the late stages of a smear campaign, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators.

Gossip will be everywhere. And it brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.

Moreover, anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.

And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.

Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.

In Conclusion:

There’s still hope. Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how.

1. If you’re a victim of vicious smear campaigns, Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind, but if you stay in the town where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward and will always be stuck right where you are.

Why not pack your things and head for greener pastures.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and that you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. Moreover, the cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.”

Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. Also, you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a window to crawl through if you look for it. I guarantee it!

This post is all about smear campaigns so that you can recognize all the tactics and stages. Moreover, it will give you time to act to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

3. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

4. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

5. School Choice: Why it’s a Godsend for Bullied Kids!

How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders

November 20, 2024November 24, 2024Leave a comment

‘Want to know how to disarm a bully so that you can keep your personal power and maintain your dignity? As someone who has overcome bullies this way, I’m giving you the most powerful comebacks that every target of bullying must know about.

Verbal and emotional bullying poisons the minds and the lives of so many victims each year. But what if you could instantly come back with a quick, calm jab? One that throws your bullies off balance, while preserving your dignity, self-esteem, and personal power?

You’re going to learn how to disarm a bully with calm and smart, but ego-deflating comebacks that will leave you standing strong and your bullies, stunned.

Once you learn all these empowering comebacks, you will be ready for any insult, zinger, or smart remark any bullies hurl your way.

This post is all about how to disarm a bully so that you can buffer yourself from even subtle verbal attacks and battle bullying with confidence and poise.

How to disarm a bully

Lets face it, bullies are creative and inventive when it comes to hurling insults and subtle jibes. Moreover, they have a flare for delivering the most brutal and humiliating burns.

Worse even, bullies often do it in public to humiliate you in front of everyone and their mother. Therefore, they blindside you, leaving you shocked, speechless, mortified, and desperately trying to think up a good comeback.

Fortunately, here are a few comebacks you can you use to disarm these brutes and throw them into a tailspin.

1. “Someone must have really hurt you in your past.”

This shifts the blame where it belongs. Onto the bully. By implying that they are an angry, bitter person, you softly and subtly jab them with an insulting comeback without being too noticeable.

In that, you keep your power and make the bully appear weak in front of others while keeping your dignity and self-respect. This little zinger keeps you on the winning end while exposing the bully for the miserable individual they really are. YAY, YOU!

2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This comeback allows you to apologize without accepting any blame. Moreover, it implies that the bully is the one with the problem and not you.

Therefore, use this comeback when a toxic person calls you a name or hurls an insult.

3. How to Disarm a Bully:

Come back with, “You must have a pretty miserable life.”

Like comeback number 1, this keeps the negative spotlight on the bully by implying that they have no control over their life. Moreover, it suggests that they are only trying to compensate for it by trying to control how you feel about yourself.

Ouch!

It saves your dignity while making the bully look like a weak little punk. Therefore, you win with this little dig because you preserve your personal power.

4. “You don’t have to behave like this to impress people.”

Yikes! With this comeback, you imply that the bully is trying to show out. And a show-off is an insecure person who isn’t happy just being themselves.

In other words, you call the bully a poser without actually using those words. You put the obnoxious person in their place while keeping your dignity.

You little wiseacre, you! Way to go!

5. “Does it make you feel bigger to act like a jerk or are you trying to impress people?”

With this comeback, you more directly call the bully out on their behavior. Moreover, you plant the seed in the minds of anyone around that they either don’t feel good about themselves unless they’re making others feel badly, or they’re trying to show off.

In that, you deflate the bully’s ego. And, if there’s an audience around, all the better for you and worse for the person trying to put you down.

6. How to Disarm a Bully:

“There are other ways of getting attention besides being a (jerk, asshole, etc.).”

Ouch! You’re directly saying that your instigator is trying to get attention. And attention-seekers are pathetic! All the while, you keep your power and your dignity.

Moreover, others will snicker at the bully when you deliver this little stinger.

7. “I wonder what happened to you that turned you into such a (jerk, heel, etc.).”

With this comeback, you imply that the bully is weak and powerless while empowering yourself.

8. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. But that person wasn’t me.”

Again, you make the bully look weak and powerless while making them look miserable and bitter too. Two insults in one!

Moreover, you make yourself look like the smarter person and maintaining your dignity.

9. How to disarm a bully:

“Someone must have really screwed you over in the past. Otherwise you wouldn’t be this angry, bitter person.”

As with the others, you shift blame back to the bully while keeping your dignity. Moreover, you do it by implying that the bully is bitter because someone made them feel powerless and insignificant in the past.

This is how you put bullies in their place without name-calling. You insult them with a softer touch. Good job!

10. How to disarm a bully:

“You’re not a very happy person, are you?”

This is the way to ensure that any blame stays where it belongs. On the bully! This comeback implies that the bully is a miserable soul that can only achieve happiness by insulting others.

Moreover, you make them look powerless over their own lives while maintaining control over your own reactions.

11. “I’m sorry you’re so unhappy.”

With this comeback, you achieve the same results as with number 10.

12. “I’m so sorry you feel so small.”

Ouch! You imply that the bully feels weak and that the only way they can feel strong is to make you feel bad about yourself. Great job!

13. How to disarm a bully:

“Relax. Take a break. You don’t have to work so hard to make people like you.”

Again, OUCH! With this little stinger, you imply that your bully is simping for approval. Therefore, you call them a simp without using the words while empowering yourself.

Note:

These comebacks also work best when done in public, in front of bystanders and witnesses. Therefore, have fun! Because delivering good comebacks to bullies in front of an audience is pretty doggone fun!

But most importantly, it helps you keep your power while prompting the bully to think twice before messing with you again.

How to disarm a bully with body language:

1. When a bully cuts their eyes at you

Return the gesture. Moreover, if she tries to stare you down, never look away because she will only take that as fear. Then, from then on, you’ll be her new source of power.

Therefore, always glare back without blinking and stand with your feet apart and arms akimbo to take up some space. This is known as a “power pose.”

You may have to stand that way and stare for a while if she sees your response as a challenge. However, if you hold your position long enough, she’ll finally get tired and move on.

Understand that any time a person uses this type of body language toward you without provocation, they are clearly saying that they’re superior to you and attempting to dominate you.

So, always, always reciprocate any dirty looks and dominate or intimidating body language. Assert your power this way, and soon, the bully will get the message that you’re confident, fearless, and not one she should mess with.

How to disarm a bully:

It’s not what you say, it’s what you do.

In short, it’s not what you say. It’s what you do. Nonverbal communication is around ninety percent of communication. Talk is cheap, and if your words don’t match your body language, bullies will pick up on it, and they will eat you alive!

If you’re the timid type, there are plenty of books you can read to learn confident body language and power pose. Once you read, practice, and learn what nonverbal cues convey power, you must practice those poses until they become comfortable to you.

Remember that bullies always target someone they perceive to be lacking in confidence, timid, and insecure because that person is least likely to fight back. To look confident, fearless, and secure, practice open body language.

Again, stand with your feet apart and arms uncrossed (crossed arms are closed body language and make you look insecure and untrustworthy). When a bully confronts you, never look down or away.

Always look the bully in the eye, and she will see that you aren’t afraid and likely move on to someone else.

In other words, mirror any hostile body language you get from bullies to disarm them. Why? Because they won’t expect that response from you and it will shock them into not toying with you again.

This post was about how to disarm a bully so that you can maintain your power and keep your dignity.

1. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims

November 18, 2024November 17, 20243 Comments

With many victims, the bullying they suffer is a vicious and continuous cycle. Now you might ask, “What do you mean? How can bullying become a cycle?” Here’s how.

Bullies often stick victims in a cycle in which they can’t escape. And when bullies know that the victim is trapped, that’s when they know they have them where they want them. Therefore, you must know how bullying is a cycle that only repeats itself.

In this post, you will learn all about the cycle of bullying. Moreover, you will learn how victims get stuck and how bullies take advantage of it.

After you learn how that cycle repeats itself, you will be prompted to take steps to either take care of yourself or escape the environment altogether.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can recognize when you’re stuck in it and find ways to remedy your situation.

The cycle of Bullying

Let’s describe it like this.

A victim is selected and is bullied relentlessly. Every morning, she arrives at school others only greet her with a barrage of name-calling, taunts, cruel jokes, and ridicule. Moreover, they force her to endure physical assaults and beatings.

Nevertheless, she holds up for a year or two, trying to be strong and brave. She manages to remain calm and cool, and seems to do quite well at it.

However, the bullies are relentless because they want so badly for her to react the way they want her too. So, they escalate the attacks and the abuse becomes more frequent and intense.

It is as if they are trying to bring her down. And the truth is, they are.

The Breaking Point

Finally, so many of her peers have bullied her so much for so long that they finally succeed in driving her to the breaking point.

The target either attempts suicide or has a breakdown of some sort. Maybe she breaks down crying and her sobs are so deep and so uncontrollable that she can’t stop crying. It’s as if a dam has burst and the raging torrent of tears continues to pour forth.

In fact, she’s crying so hard her entire body shakes, quakes, and writhes.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Psychological Treatment and progress of the victim

The victim is admitted to a treatment center for severe depression. She stays there for a couple of months.

Moreover, while she’s there, she makes progress. She opens up about the bullying she suffers, and people listen. In the treatment center, she is safe.

The victim makes friends out of the other kids there and of the staff as well. They all support her, and she begins to feel good about herself again. Therefore, it seems like she’s beginning to heal and get better.

A couple of months go by and for the first time since she left the bullying environment and arrived at the treatment center, the bullying victim feels like herself again.

She feels re-empowered.

The Victim’s Release and return to the same place that made her sick

The center finally discharges the victim. However, she must return to school, back to the same people who made her sick to begin with.

As soon as she goes back to school, she’s nervous because she knows what’s waiting for her. Moreover, although the others at school can’t prove where she’s been, they can figure it out.

Now there’s the mental health stigma hanging over her. Therefore, the bullies instantly use it against her and only pick up where they left off.

They begin mobbing her again. Additionally, even a few teachers and the principal look down on her, just like before.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The Bullies, Student Body, and Teachers only pick up where they left off.

The principal warns her aloud, in the crowded hall, as she’s changing classes. He says to the victim, “I’m going to be watching you closely.”

Even worse, he tells her this in front of the other students where they can overhear.

The victim continues to behave well. However, the principal, a few teachers, and the student body, view her with suspicion. Instead of acknowledging and encouraging her success, the principal and teachers only continue to let her know that she’s on their radar.

The two months away in the treatment center was intended to help her get well and put her life back together. Moreover, returning to school was supposed to be a chance to start over.

The School Only Uses Mental Health Stigma to Undo Any Progress the victim has made.

But the school has only branded the victim a mental case. As a result, some of the teachers and the principal, knowingly or unknowingly, begin the process of undoing all the progress this girl has made.

What they should do is pull her aside and tell her in private that they are watching her, but that they admire her for getting help and trying to turn her life around.

However, their justification for their emotional abuse is that it’s to protect the other students who fit in to what’s “normal” and who obey the rules.

In other words, they use this justification to defend the emotional abuse they inflict on the victim and continue to single her out for humiliation.

Therefore, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

The Cycle of Bullying:

The school only justifies their abuse and continues to discriminate based on mental health.

The girl’s “loony bin trip” now follows her around like a stalking wildcat. School officials either don’t realize or don’t care about the impact their attitudes and prejudices have on young students.

Therefore, bullies begin the evil process again. They begin trying to break this girl down for a second time.

So, the victim continues to hide her emotions. Therefore, she continues to pretend that everything is okay and that the bullying she suffers isn’t such a big deal.

She does her level best to stay strong and hide the tears which beg to poor forth like a raging torrent. Why? Because she knows that if she ever shows the hurt, the bullies will only bask in it.

They’ll have her where they want her, and the bullies will then move in for the death blow.

Fighting a Losing Battle

Therefore, she holds up for as long as she can. But the reality is that no one can hold up under that kind of pressure for long.

But she continues to stuff her emotions deep down inside, even though it’s tearing her up inside. As time goes on, the bullies escalate their attacks because they see her stoicism as a challenge.

Therefore, the cruel attacks become a game to the bullies. The goal is to break this girl and they want to see what it’s going to take to achieve that goal.

Then, once again, it happens! The victim has another breakdown. After all, no one can bury all that pain forever.

The Cycle of Bullying:

Return to the treatment center

The doctors admit her to the treatment center for the second time. A few months pass and she gets the help she needs.

Again, she is in a safe environment. Therefore, she speaks again about the bullying she has suffered. Caring staff and fellow patients give her support and she begins to heal and get better.

After some time at the center, they finally send her home and her parents take her back to school. The very school where his bullies run amuck. And once she’s back, the bullies have a go at her once again.

Why? Because the poor target is trapped in a school she isn’t safe in. And chances are, she will break down and only return to the treatment center a third time.

Therefore, here’s the cycle.

The victim endures bullying and she has a breakdown. She then goes somewhere and gets help, then heals and gets released. She returns to the same toxic environment and the bullies start the process of breaking her until they succeed and she returns to the center.

Therefore, the cycle replays itself again and again.

The Cycle of Bullying:

To Resolve this problem, the victim will need to transfer schools.

In cases like this, targets must be either transfer to a new school or home school, otherwise, the cycle only continues.

Thankfully, when my eldest son began to be bullied in middle school, his father, stepmother, and I got together and made a plan to transfer him before the bullying had a chance to escalate to a dangerous level. Moreover, it worked!

His grades skyrocketed at his new school and when he graduated, he did so with scholarships! We were so proud!

Therefore, a school transfer is always best when a target suffers bullying and it morphs into a pattern. Why, because once people grow comfortable with bullying a certain victim, it will only intensify.

Moreover, if the target goes to a hospital and gets help, then released back into the same environment that made them sick, they will end up returning to the hospital…again, again, and again, until he leaves the toxic school.

It may take some sacrifice to transfer your child to a new school. Moreover, it may be more expensive. However, it’s a small price to pay compared to a stack of psychiatric bills, or worse, funeral and burial costs.

This post is all about the cycle of bullying so that you can understand the cyclical nature of bullying and peer abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

2. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

3. Bullying Culture: When Bullying is the Status Quo

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies

November 1, 2024November 24, 202421 Comments

Are you a target of bullying? Do you want to know the secrets bullies hope you never find out?

Bullies may look rough and intimidating on the outside. They may resort to threats of physical, social, and psychological harm to get what they want from you. However, are they really so tough? Fortunately for their victims and targets, there are secrets… secrets bullies hope you never find out.

In this post, you will learn exactly what those secrets are and why bullies don’t want you to discover them. Also, you will learn how to use this information to your advantage.

Once you learn about all these things bullies will never admit, you will be able to see right through your bullies and know the exact intentions behind the evil they do. Moreover, you will be able to predict what your bullies will do next just by watching them.

Even better, you will have the tools to use it against them and to your own advantage.

This post is all about the secrets bullies hope you never find out so that you can turn the tables on your bullies once and for all. You’ll be able to feel good about yourself in spite of how they may attack you simply by knowing where the attacks come from. And your confidence will soar!

Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out

1. Being a bully is WORK!

Believe it or not, bullies must work hard to keep up appearances and to maintain their fake facades. In other words, bullies, especially popular ones, have an image to keep up, and they monitor themselves nonstop, twenty-four-seven.

They must keep up with and remember all the lies they tell to keep their stories straight. Moreover, they often spend beyond their means to look like they have lots of money.

Is it any wonder that many bullies get charged with crimes like embezzlement, fraud, and theft? Most have to steal to keep up!

Therefore, they’re constantly afraid because they fear losing face if any of it ever gets out.

For instance, you may see one of your bullies wearing clothes from department stores like Nordstrom every day. But you may get lucky and notice him pull out a 20 dollar wallet from Walmart. That’s when you’ll know he’s nothing but a poser.

So, find ways to use it against him and to your own advantage. I can think of several and I’m sure you can too.

2. Secrets Bullies Hope you Never Find Out: They aren’t happy people.

They can’t be. Why do you think they bully others?

Bullies don’t feel they can be happy unless they’re bringing someone else, particularly, you, down. The only thing that makes bullies happy is to see you suffering. Therefore, see this as a testament to how miserable they really are.

They do it to feel better about themselves. Moreover, they also do it to distract from their shortcomings and insecurities, and project them onto someone else.

Bullies also bully to make themselves look superior, better, smarter, and more powerful. It takes a miserable person to be a bully.

Many bullies aren’t happy at home. They have stressful marriages and family lives. Or, if they’re in school, they have bad relationships with parents and siblings. Therefore, they feel powerless there.

However, at school or work, many bullies can control others to keep from feeling so powerless.

Therefore, keep your ears peeled and try to find out what their home life is like.

For example, if you’re in a bathroom stall and you hear your bullies enter the restroom. Draw your feet up and listen in on their conversation. You’d be surprised what you find out!

The trick is to find any good ammunition you can use for your own benefit.

3. They’re weak.

Bullies bully because they’re feeble-minded people. They’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy because they don’t have the brains nor social intelligence to get what they want any other way. Therefore, they must use force and intimidation.

Why? Because it’s the only way they can get their wants and needs met. All this makes for a life of drama and conflict. So, smile about it.

4. One of the main secrets bullies hope you ever find out is that They’re insecure.

Bullies constantly worry about what others think of them. This is why they act the way they do. They want to seem perfect because they’re so afraid that if others find out about the real person, they won’t like them anymore.

Bullies want so badly to be liked that they will bully you in front of an audience to score laughs from everyone and get approval.

Therefore, call them out on it. I promise you’ll feel much better once you do.

5. Bullies are jealous of their victims.

Bullies can’t handle anyone else’s success. If you have more wins then them, are better looking, or are more talented, they’ll make it their mission to make you suffer for it.

Understand that bullies despise anyone who has something they want but do not have. Therefore, they will move heaven and earth to take it from them. And if they can’t take it away, they will punish the person for having it.

However, they would never admit that in a million years. Why? Because jealousy smacks of inferiority and the last thing any bully wants is to look inferior.

So, feel good about the fact that your bullies are jealous of you. It only proves that you aren’t the inferior one here.

6. Bullies are trying to be cool.

Again, they strain themselves to keep up appearances. And bullies know that most people are under the mistaken impression that cruelty is “cool” as long as they aren’t on the receiving end of it.

Therefore, many bullies bully to look cute to any bystanders and witnesses. And sadly, most bystanders are under the misguided belief that bullying is cool.

This should make you laugh because you know they’re not so cool after all.

7. Secrets bullies hope you never find out: They seek approval.

As mentioned earlier, if a bully doesn’t get approval, they feel inadequate. So they bully in front of an audience to get the approval they feel they never get.

Understand that bullies are simps. They only simp to be liked in ways that aren’t so obvious. However, understand that anyone who seeks approval, no matter how they do it, is one needy and pathetic human being.

Therefore, see it for what it is and your self-esteem will skyrocket. Why? Because you’re so awesome that you don’t have to resort to such behavior.

8. They’re cowards.

They’re afraid of looking weak and being bullied themselves. Also, many bullies feel they must act tough to scare you into not fighting back.

However, realize that you should fight back. I’ve seem several bullies bully their victims to the point that the victim finally snapped.

As a result, the victim beat the living daylights out of the bully. Also, on some occasions, the victim whipped the bully in front of an audience.

Therefore, the bully never again bothered the victim and the target finally won respect.

9. They’re fakes, frauds, and imposters.

This goes back to number one and it’s way they work so hard to create an image. Bullies feel they must don masks to hide their true selves.

Again, understand that they do this out of insecurity. Bullies aren’t happy with themselves and fear that their true selves will be exposed.

Just knowing this will keep you out of the doldrums and view your bullies for the losers they are.

10. Secrets Bullies hope you never find out. They Bully to compensate for their weaknesses and shortcomings.

If they can look strong by making someone else look weak they make up for the weaknesses they feel they have. Also, bullies will also run with rich people or the popular crowd because it helps them to forget about the fact that they’re nothing.

Moreover, they feel that this makes up for anything they feel they don’t have.

For example, male bullies who feel they aren’t man enough will often drive around in hot cars and flaunt money to make up for the fact that most decent girls find them disgusting.

Female bullies will often use fashion, makeup, cheap knock-off designer bags, and the latest hairstyles to compensate for the fact that few people like them. Or they may have a bunch of friends and use that to make up for the fact that they can’t get a date.

Who wants to date someone with a haughty attitude?

This should give you a huge pick-me-up!

11. They crave attention.

Bullies love attention and they’ll do anything to get it, especially if they have narcissistic personality disorder.

Also, when a bully sees someone who outshines them somehow, they fear that the person will take the spotlight away from them. Bullies share attention and recognition with no one.

They must be adored at all times by everyone. They feel they have to be at the center of everything and that the world should revolve around them.

Bullies have secrets they don’t want exposed and they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those secrets from coming out. Therefore, use this information to boost your confidence!

This post was all about the secrets bullies hope you never find out so that you can use those secrets to boost your self-esteem and use them against your bullies if you need to.

Posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

October 22, 2024August 26, 20242 Comments

‘Want to know about jealousy and bullying so that you can feel better about yourself and get a boost of confidence? Here are the proven signs of jealousy in bullies coming from someone who’s experienced it firsthand.

Bullying adds undue stress in your every day life. Even worse is what it can do to your self-esteem and confidence. However, what if I told you that there’s a link between jealousy and bullying?

In this post, you will learn the signs that your bullies are bullying you because they are jealous of something (and it could be anything) you have that they don’t.

Once you learn these indicators, you will be able to keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. Moreover, you will be more resistant to your bullies’ attacks by knowing their harassment only comes from deep-seated feelings of inferiority.

This post is all about the connection between jealousy and bullying and the tell-tale signs that every victim of bullying must know.

Jealousy and Bullying

Bullying is usually unprovoked. Therefore, it’s a save bet that the majority of bullying, in fact, comes from jealousy.

So, what are the signs that your bullies are bullying you out of jealousy?

1. They undermine your confidence.

They do this by constantly tearing you down either to your face or behind your back.

Those who tear you down to your face want to plant seeds of self-doubt in your mind. In other words, they want to wreck your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t let them. Feel free to come back with a witty burn. Or, you can just let the bullies’ petty insults roll down your back. However you choose to counter their childish attacks, don’t believe their lies for a minute!

People who back bite you are secretly jealous of you. These bullies will insult you and criticize you behind your back.

However, they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

So, you shouldn’t take these people seriously because they’re not only jealous of you. They’re great big cowards!

With that said, here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned. These reasons alone should give your confidence a huge boost!

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t call them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

2. Jealousy and bullying: Jealous Bullies will trivialize your successes and accomplishments.

Bullies who are jealous of you will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves.

Put simpler, bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

Therefore, feel good about it when they make these kinds of statements. Because it means that they subconsciously feel that you’re superior to them and they’re only trying to bring you down to their level.

Stay above it!

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations.

This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways.

You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

However, jealous bullies provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. Bullies who are jealous will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong.

And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill and never let it go!

The point is that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

4. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous harbor Blind hatred.

Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. However, if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much?

Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like and admire you? Therefore, they may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you.

They may copy your image by dressing like you. Also, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs.

Moreover, they may imitate you.

Therefore, feel good about that because anyone who copies you wants to be like you.

6. They will make up competition.

Again. Understand that jealous bullies do that because they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at.

And they won’t stop until they beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do, just clap and be happy for them.

In other words, let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help!

However, they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

7. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous of you will try to steal your spotlight.

This is especially true of those who have narcissistic personality disorder. These bullies have to be at the top of the game in everything. Also, they must be the center of attention- all the time.

Therefore, anyone who outshines them in any way is fair game for attack. If you have any talents, anything at all you’re good at, or in which you’re super successful, these bullies will never stop coming after you.

Moreover, they’ll often accuse you behind your back (and sometimes to your face) of the following:

1. “She’s just showing off.”
2. “Oh, she’s just trying to get attention.”
3. “He just loves to flaunt his (money, material possessions, masculinity, etc.)”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “He’s a wuss, wimp, etc.”
6. “You’re arrogant, full of yourself, pompous, stuck up, etc.”

But again, know where it all comes from and you will rise above the pettiness and your confidence will continue to soar!

A few additional but important points to remember:

These bullies will often accuse you of the same things they are guilty of themselves.

Also by continuing to display your talents, win awards, garner favor with others, and charm those in authority, you unwillingly offend the bullies’ excessive vanity.

In other words, you instill an imbalance of their sense of self and make them doubt their superiority by poking holes in their importance.

Jealousy and bullying: Which Bullies are more likely to be jealous of you?

Bullies who are jealous are most likely to be at the top of the pecking order. These are the popular kids at school or the high executives in the workplace.

So, understand that people such as these can’t accept being outdone in anything by anyone. And if they’re outshone by anyone they deem as inferior, which is you, all the worse!

Then, they’ll stop at nothing to put you back in your place.

Understand that they don’t care about your talents, your natural gifts, your successes, or smarts. If anything, they despise them. Jealous bullies hate any threat to their superiority.

Bullies Despise Success in Anyone They Deem Inferior

Additionally, these bullies will have followers who will kiss up to them and many others who are afraid of them. You’ll know these bullies right away when you meet them. Moreover, you’ll be able to pick them out of a huge crowd.

They’ll be the loud, obnoxious, and arrogant people in the room. Also, these bullies will be in a clique and will have attitudes of self-entitlement.

Moreover, they’ll expect perks and favors and, more than likely, get them. Anyone outside of their group, they will treat like dirt under their shoes.

Although talk is cheap and what they say behind your back is just a bunch of hot air, be careful these bullies don’t try to do something harmful to you.

Jealousy and Bullying: What to do and not to do If you attract hatred from these bullies:

1. Never reveal your plans and goals.
2. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.
3. Display your talents, yes. But don’t brag about them.
4. Don’t lower yourself for anyone, but don’t be too flashy with any intelligence, especially in the workplace.
5. Politely thank those who compliment you. Nothing more.
6. Humble yourself, yes. But you don’t have to undermine yourself to satisfy these brutes. Quiet confidence is key here.

Do these things, and you’re less likely to have a target on your back!

this post was all about jealousy and bullying so that you can use it to buffer your confidence and self-esteem when people bully you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

October 18, 2024October 18, 20246 Comments

Unfortunately, bullying by teachers is not uncommon. ‘Want to know the 15 signs your teacher is bullying you? These are the proven and time-tested signs that I’ve personally experienced.

It’s one thing when other students bully you. However, it’s another when the people harassing you are teachers. Being bullied by a teacher can be devastating because the bullying teacher holds a lot of power over you. So, how do you know if a teacher is bullying you and what can you do about it?

In this post, you will learn the surefire signs of bullying by teachers and the steps you can take to protect yourself.

Once you learn these tell-tale indicators, not only will you know what to do in your particular situation, but you’ll gather the courage to do what you must do to protect yourself and your future.

This post is all about bullying by teachers, the signs to look for, and what you can do to defend yourself and secure your future.

Bullying by teachers

Sadly, teachers who bully students are more common than we think. Although most schoolteachers are altruistic souls who love kids and want to help them, there are also plenty of bad apples in the teaching profession.

Many teachers and school staff often stick targets of mobbing and bullying with labels. They brand them with labels, such as, “trouble,” “difficult,” or “problem child.”

Consequently, this sets a dangerous precedent because it sets the targeted child up to be discriminated against by their school. Moreover, it encourages other classmates to bully the targeted kid worse.

Therefore, when adults become prejudiced against a child, it creates a very hostile and dangerous environment.

Why? Because victims aren’t afforded the same due process that their classmates enjoy. As a result, the school staff only empower the bullies. Even worse, they end up supporting the bullies, even encouraging them to bully that child.

And because the child’s brain is still developing, they may not know how to handle such abuse.

What happens when targets act out due to prolonged bullying and resulting stress?

Let’s face it, no one can withstand the intense pressure of bullying and mobbing for long. A person can only be pushed so far. If you kick a dog long enough, you’ll get bit eventually.

When a target is bullied and mobbed by their classmates, they are forced to submit to horrendous and downright grotesque abuse. Then, when teachers join in, it compounds an already horrific situation,.

However, this kind of bullying is unfathomable to most adults. The message targets receive from others is just to “shut up and take it.”

In fact, when you’re a target of school bullying and mobbing, your world becomes quite Kafkaesque. Moreover, even you have a hard time believing what you’re experiencing. So, is it any wonder that no one else can believe it either?

The questions, “What the hell?” and “Is this really happening?” come to mind. You feel as if you’ve stepped into the twilight zone.

This is because being mobbed is the feeling of being crushed by nonsensical, bizarre, and blind abuse.

Just imagine what this does to a child or teenager.

Bullying by teachers: the targeted child is powerless to understand or control what is happening.

The target suffers mistreatment, isolation, exclusion, and yes- even brutal physical beatings.

Therefore, the bullied child will be too afraid to plead for help because he knows that the school staff will ignore his cries. And what’s more frightening is that his bullies will take retribution on him for daring to open his mouth.

Eventually the target snaps and acts inappropriately due to long-lasting and extreme stress because the bullying and abuse she suffers has only fallen on deaf ears.

The bullies assaults against the target will continue to be overlooked. However, the target’s reactions to it won’t be ignored. Therefore, the target becomes re-victimized by the very adults, school, and system which are supposed to protect her.

Here’s an example:

A girl is bullied by everyone in her class. The teacher either doesn’t see it or thinks the girl deserves it.

Also, maybe, the teacher thinks that bullying is only a right of passage that builds character. During one occasion, the bully sitting behind the targeted girl pulls her hair.

As a result, the target gets fed up with the bullies’ attacks. Unable to tolerate any more abuse, she turns around and punches the bully who pulled her hair.

Now the teacher, very conveniently, doesn’t see the other girl pull the target’s hair. However, she does see the target turn around and punch the bully in the nose. Therefore, the teacher punishes the target without even considering what the other classmate did to prompt her to punch her.

Consequently, the message the teacher sends is crystal clear. The victim has no recourse, and the bully has carte blanche to continue bullying her in the future.

And so, it goes. The same scenario repeats itself a few times. And, the next thing you know, it is the victim the school staff paints with a bad brush. Afterwards, everyone becomes labels her a riffraff.

The principal then, from time to time, catches the victim in the hall between classes. He tells her, aloud, in front of the other students, that she’d better watch her step because he has his eye on her.

As fate would have it, the other kids, especially the bullies, overhear the principal and see it as the green light they’ve been looking for. Therefore, they become even more emboldened to continue their abuse because they know the school authorities will only blame her and give them a pass.

Bullying by teachers: The bullying gets worse because, after all, if the victim complains, who’s going to listen to them? They’re the “problem child.”

Therefore, the school staff continue to harangue the target, making her situation much worse than what it needs to be. And their justification for their treatment of the victim is to protect the other students who fit into what is “normal” and obey the rules.

Conveniently, they continue use this excuse to defend their emotional abuse of the victim. Thus, they get to single her out for humiliation in front of God and everyone anytime they feel like it.

Understand that, when this occurs, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

Therefore, if you’re one of these targeted students, it’s imperative that you hold on to your sense of self. Hold on to your pride, confidence, and self-belief with everything you have.

It’s also crucial that all you parents and grandparents teach these children how. You must teach your bullied kids to believe in themselves even when it seems that no one else believes in them. You must teach them to know their worth even when it seems that others don’t.

Moreover, you must teach your kids to love and respect themselves even as others hate and disrespect them. Why? Because it is during the most difficult times that they’re need these virtues the most.

With that said, here are the signs of bullying by teachers:

1. The teacher harshly punishes you for things everyone else in the class gets away with.

If ever you notice that your teacher yells at or punishes you for things other classmates get away with, it’s a sure sign they’re singling you out.

Realize that anytime teachers bully students, they seem to actively look for the tiniest of infractions to use against these students.

Therefore, watch for the next time another student does the thing the teacher reprimanded you for. And once you see it, call it out to the teacher by asking, “Didn’t he just do the same thing you got onto me for? And he gets a pass.”

That’s right. We must have the courage to call these things out because it’s the only way to change it.

Another thing you can do is to document it all in detail. Sometimes, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. This means keeping your own records of every bullying incident.

Therefore, write it down in a daily journal and be sure to use the 5W method. When you use the 5W method, you write down the What, Who, When, Where, and Why. And if possible, How.

In other words, you must record What happened and Who was involved and the names of any witnesses. Also, record When the incident occurred by writing down the exact date and time of incident.

Additionally, you must record Where it happened and Why it happened. For instance, did it happen in third period class. And was it because you previously reported the teacher for bullying you earlier that week?

Documentation is of the utmost importance when a person in power bullies you.

2. Bullying by teachers: The teacher allows bullies in class to bully you.

Anytime the teacher watches others bullying you and fails to address it, it’s called dereliction of duty. Or, you can call it neglect.

Whatever you call it, the teacher is clearly not doing their job and you should make note of it. Therefore, again, document this incident using the 5W method.

3. The teacher tries to humiliate you in class.

Again, here’s where documentation is useful. If nothing else, understand this.

Anytime a teacher or anyone in authority bullies you, it’s no time to be lazy. You must be proactive and how you do it is to keep a written record.

4. The teacher tells you that you’ll never amount to anything.

Therefore, document that! And most importantly, don’t you believe it for a second. See this remark for what it is and what it’s designed to do.

This teacher is trying to tear down your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself. Moreover, the bully teacher is trying to plant seeds in your mind in hopes that you’ll believe it and live up to it.

But, don’t you dare! Hang on to your confidence and know that this teacher is lying to you!

5. Bullying by teachers: Deliberately ignoring you or chewing you out when you have a question or need help with an assignment.

Again, document this. Also realize that the reason this teacher doesn’t want to answer your question is because she wants you to fail.

Therefore, find a friend or another adult who can answer your question. Or find a tutor to help you.

6. Calling or Labeling you “a student of low intelligence.”

Maybe the teacher tells you that you’re d*mb or that you’re st*pid. Maybe he calls you those names behind your back. Whatever the case, this teacher does this to make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t internalize this. Instead, see the evil intentions behind it and document it.

7. Yelling and screaming at you.

This is the bullying teacher’s way to intimidate you, silence you, or humiliate you in front of the class. Again, you must document this.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that, depending on the laws of your jurisdiction, you can wear a hidden camera and record these things. Just make sure you live in a state or jurisdiction that doesn’t require a two-party consent to record.

8. Bullying by teachers: Putting your parents or siblings down and making negative remarks about your home life.

This is also abuse. Therefore, document it in detail or record it if the laws in your area allow.

9. Publicly announcing a bad grade you may have made.

This is designed to humiliate you in front of an audience and cause you embarrassment. Again, document and, if you can, record!

10. Labeling you “a failure.”

Again, when a teacher tells you that you’re a failure, he wants to convince you of it to increase your chances of living up to it. Therefore, know that just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true.

Always remember that, and document their bullying.

11. Defaming you to other teachers and students.

The purpose of defamation is to turn others against you. Moreover, it’s a way to block you from making friends and being successful with potential partners.

Also, people use it to block you from opportunities, be they business, educational, career, or employment.

And lastly, people defame you to cut you off from any kind of help or support. Therefore, document everything- every instance of bullying, harassment, and defamation, no matter how slight.

By writing it down, you record it. In that, you establish a pattern of abuse and, therefore, evidence that is admissible in court!

12. Bullying by Teachers: encouraging the other classmates to bully you.

Bully teachers do this to inflict psychological pain and to turn others against you. You must understand that there are some pretty sadistic teachers out there. In other words, these teachers secretly enjoy making their target students suffer.

Moreover, they do it to isolate you and to convince you that you’re completely alone.

Therefore, document it and save it as evidence for a future lawsuit!

13. Putting you down for your beliefs, values, and convictions.

Nowadays, most people don’t like to agree to disagree like they did in the old days. Today, people seem to tolerate differences less and less.

Moreover, those differences include beliefs, values, convictions, and opinion.

Therefore, understand that you have a right to your own opinions and you’re NOT WRONG if your beliefs and values differ from anyone else’s.

I will repeat this a thousand times if I have to: document the bullying either on paper or by recording. Just know the laws in your area before using a recording device.

14. Bullying By Teachers: Giving you lower grades than what you deserve.

Bullying teachers do this to set you up for failure and to make you look bad.

This should be illegal. However, it’s not unheard of for bully teachers to give students they don’t like lower grades than the other classmates. And this happens regardless of whether the bad grade is warranted.

If you suspect that a teacher has committed this dishonest act against you, have another teacher you know and trust look over the assignment in which the bad grade was given.

If you and the good teacher find evidence that you’ve been given an undeserved bad grade, take pictures of the poorly graded paper and the checked correct answers. Then, document it.

15. Making excessively negative and brutal remarks on your papers, conduct reports, or report cards.

Again, this sets you up for failure and marks you as a bad student. Therefore, if you find these things on your progress and conduct reports, papers, and report cards, take pictures of it all with your phone. Then, document!

This post was all about the signs of bullying by teachers so that you can take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your future.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Noteable Tactics Gaslighters Use

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

October 11, 2024September 20, 202423 Comments

When you need someone more than they need you, what do you do to break the spell that person has over you? Would you like to know? As someone who’s been caught in that trap, I’m giving you eight easy ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

You may be a victim of bullying who’s rejected, lonely and desperate for friends. Or, maybe you’re a battered woman trapped in an abusive and controlling relationship. Nevertheless, anytime you need someone else more than they need you, it’s a trap that’s hard to pry yourself out of.

As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you effective ways to tip the scales of power in your favor when you need someone more than they need you.

You will learn easy and foolproof ways to escape the grip of a controlling person whether it’s a bully, fake friend, or abusive partner. You will then take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about these empowering methods, you will re-empower yourself and take back your personal power, independence, and your freedom. Then, you will be able to lead your life in the direction you wish and bravely assert your rights to be treated with dignity and respect.

This post is all about how to tip the balance of power when you need someone more than they need you. Also, it’s about becoming re-empowered to take your autonomy and your life back so that you can finally live happier and in peace.

When you need someone more than they need you.

So, what happens anytime you allow someone to put you in the position where you need them more than they need you?

You allow someone else to control you. In that, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

In other words, you put yourself at the other’s mercy.

Therefore, never allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner. The same goes if you’re a target of bullying. Never hang on to fake friends because you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends.

Moreover, never seek attention because you feel deprived of it. Why? Because, if you do any of these things, you make yourself a slave to others.

As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

What other people see when you need someone more than they need you

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who constantly makes themselves readily available. It’s the same for a person who always hangs around, and (gasp!) who chases after approval and human connection.

On the other hand, a person who makes themselves rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when bullies bully you. Also, I realize the level of heartache when fake friends throw you under the bus and turn on you. Therefore, my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. And you definitely don’t want to do it by giving these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them do it. Moreover, let them misunderstand you and look down their noses at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Every bully’s biggest desire is to see for themselves how their abuse affects you.

Nine times out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. In other words, they want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly.

And why not? It’s a dark part of human nature that people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working to tear you down. And most of all, they want confirmation that they have power over you.

Your bullies and abusers want absolute assurance that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Furthermore, they want you dependent on their say so.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. As a result, each of these women gave up her independence.

Thus, she became totally dependent on him. Consequently thereafter, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

The end result when you need someone more than they need you:

My very abusive grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. Calling herself being the dutiful wife, she allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

Moreover, my granddad promised her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job.

Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off. Additionally, he sold the car behind her back! Right out from under her!

Therefore, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and tipped the balance of power in her favor.

A bully can be a domineering classmate, a supervisor, or an abusive spouse or parent.

My grandfather was also an abusive, domineering parent. He tried to control the life of his oldest daughter, my aunt.

For example, he tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old. Why? Because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb and within his reach.

However, she dared to defy him and get married anyway, with my grandmother’s permission. My aunt married Uncle Gene behind my grandfather’s back.

As a result, granddad showed up at the house my aunt and her new husband had rented and physically attacked her in her own driveway.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this story. It’s because there’s a point to it. And, the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing.

They want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets. In other words, they want complete control over their target’s lives.

Understand that this is all a form of coercive control.

When you need someone more than they need you, you leave yourself at that person’s mercy.

What do these bullies have to gain from ruling their targets with an iron fist? Power! Raw power! That’s what they have to gain.

Put simpler, bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Moreover, bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs. In that, they need their approval to provide for themselves and their families.

Also, it’s the same with bullies in government, better known as tyrants or despots. Tyrants want their constituents to think they need their permission to have freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so to have friends and a good social life. Moreover, they want the power to decide whether their victims have psychological and physical safety.

Understand that bullies are all about CONTROL and DOMINANCE. Nothing more!

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

What are the easy ways to tip the scales of power when you need someone more than they need you?

1. Do Not Comply.

In other words, if you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting. Moreover, if he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, take it with a grain of salt.

Continue to stand firm no matter how tough he makes life for you at home. Also, the same goes if you’re a student and he wants you to drop out of college. Keep going to class and do NOT drop out.

Understand that much of the power a bully holds depends on your compliance. Therefore, when you refuse to comply with bullies’ demands, you instantly snatch back your personal power.

2. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away.

Here’s another nugget of advice for abused partners. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

Abusive partners will take control of any money that comes into the household. Why? To keep you broke so that you’ll stay dependent on them.

Think about it! Communist and Socialist governments do the same thing to the people they govern. Dictators, Tyrants, and Despots take complete control of business and production and seize the food and money supply to ensure that the people obey their demands. Also, they do these things to keep the people dependent on government for their very survival.

Abusive and controlling partners and tyrannical governments (dictators, tyrants, and despots) are the same types of people. Bullies are bullies are bullies!

This brings me to number three.

3. When you need someone more than they need you: What If you’re under the rule of a bully official?

If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands, or even millions. Therefore, there is strength in numbers.

Find a way to use that against them.

4. What If you’re the target of bullying in the workplace by a bully boss or bully coworkers?

If this is the case, you should quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. Moreover, whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference.

Then, when you find another job, quit!

Understand that staying in a toxic workplace isn’t worth the risks to your mental health! Therefore, find a way out as soon as possible!

5. Make friends outside the bullying environment.

In other words, make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Your bullies and others at work or school may not value you. However, it doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

Chances are that it will be much easier for you to make new friends outside of the toxic place. Therefore, do this. However, when you do, know that there’s no need to tell your new friends about the bullying you suffer at work or school.

This is information nobody on the outside (besides your family) needs to know.

6. Take a self-defense class.

If you’re dealing with physical bullies, you may want to take a self-defense class. MMA training helps to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

However, it’s best not to use it until you advance a few levels and feel confident in what you’ve learned.

7. Keep your sense of self intact.

In other words, continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat and degrade you. Hold onto your self-belief.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. Know that you have a choice of whether to keep toxic people in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. They may mistreat you terribly, but they can’t take your mind if you don’t let them.

8. If all else fails, leave the toxic environment. Rent a new house or move to a new area, job, or school.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

In conclusion, never allow someone to put you in a position where you need them more than they need you. Find a way to re-balance those power scales!

This post was all about what to do when you need someone more than they need you so that you can take back your personal power.

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

September 26, 2024September 26, 20242 Comments

You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate. In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one. You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example, joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

September 11, 2024September 10, 20242 Comments

Do you want to know all about fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction? Here is a detailed description of these responses that you need to know.

Bullying can often force victims into the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response to save themselves from danger. So what is this response?

In this post you will about this reaction so that you can recognize it in yourself and know that it is a normal human reaction to danger. Moreover, if you’re a teacher, supervisor, or police, you must know more about it so that you can better recognize it in students, subordinates, and everyday citizens- particularly, victims.

Once you learn all about these responses, you will be better able to see them in yourself and others.

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction so that you can be able to recognize it more and tell who the victim is, even if it’s you.

fight, flight, freeze, fawn

These are the four components of the Human Stress Response.

Examples of the Human Stress Response:

1. Slamming on your brakes when another car pulls in front of you.

2. Jumping back when an attacker jumps at you from behind a bush.

3. Flinching when you hear a car backfire.

Again, there are four components to the HSR. However, back in the days of old, there were only two parts to it.

People called this human stress response the fight or flight response, which is the innate and ingrained physiological reaction to the threat of danger.

Humans have had this natural reaction since the dawn of time. During stressful, alarming, and dangerous situations, the sympathetic nervous system releases adrenaline into the body. Therefore, you either fight when cornered or flee when you see a chance to run for your life.

This is an inborn survival mechanism that works to keep you alive.

Later, experts added a third component, renaming it fight, flight or freeze. They have since added a fourth one, fawn.

Hence, the four F term of today.

History

During prehistoric times, humans often encountered dangerous beasts like lions and tigers. Therefore, this activated the fight or flight mechanisms within them so that they could either fight the animal, or run from it to survive.

When the term “freeze” was added to fight and flight, experts acknowledge that people also tended to lose the ability to move or act during threatening situations. And when you can’t move, you cannot defend yourself against the threat.

Introducing, fight, flight, freeze, fawn

The fourth component, “fawn,” is when you do everything you can to please someone who is threatening you and keep them from hurting you.

For example, victims of bullying do this to either keep bullies from harming them or to avoid conflict. And so, the four components represent the response to overpower, escape, or decrease the threat to restore peace and safety.

Fight

In fight mode, you prepare to physically fight your bully, who is either physically attacking you or threatening to do so. Moreover, you fight when you believe you can overpower your opponent.

The adrenaline your sympathetic nervous system releases gives you a burst of extra strength to ensure that you successful fight, overpower, and contain the threat.

For example, a man pulls into his driveway at night and a robber approaches him. He successfully fights the robber and overpowers him to keep from being robbed and possibly murdered.

Here’s another thing to note here:

When it comes to bullying, the Fight Response is the most effective of all four components of the Human Stress Response. Why? Because it shows the bullies that you aren’t afraid to fight back. Remember that bullies only respond to strength and power.

Flight

If you don’t think you can win against your bully in a physical altercation, you go into flight mode and run like the blazes. The same adrenaline helps you to run faster and for longer distances than you normally could.

An example of this would be a situation after school when five bullies approach a smaller boy as he’s walking home from school. The small boy knows that there’s no way he could possibly take on five bigger boys by himself. Therefore, he runs to escape them.

Fight, flight, Freeze, Fawn

Freeze

This is when you feel paralyzed and can’t move during the threat of danger. Therefore, this is the worst of the responses. This happens when you don’t think you can fight your bully nor run fast enough to get away.

An example of freeze is when a deer is crossing a busy highway at night and a speeding car barrels toward it. The deer freezes as he sees the bright pair of headlights coming right at him. Therefore, freeze is the most dangerous and least affective of the four components.

Fawn

This reaction happens when all else fails. In other words, your attempts to fight, flee, and freeze have all been unsuccessful. Therefore, you do and say everything the bully wants you to in order to keep them from harming you.

This is a trauma response in that it typically occurs in people who either presently live in or grew up in abusive homes.

Moreover, fawning hides the stress you’re feeling and prompts you to do what you must to appease your bullies. Your objective is to get them to calm down and leave you in peace. Therefore, it’s a survival tool for many.

It is this fawning that breeds people-pleasing behavior, approval seeking, caring too much about others’ opinions, co-dependency, and allowing bullies to manipulate and control you.

In other words, you appease their wants and needs, rather than taking care of your own first. However, fawning is damaging to your mental health because, in being too agreeable, you lose your sense of identity.

Put simpler, you lose your personhood. Why? Because no one will allow you to be a person- a separate human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires of your own.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What happens when you must live in survival mode for too long?

Sadly, if a situation of bullying and abuse persists over a long period of time, your survival instincts will reset to default. In other words, you’ll likely have anxiety disorder and by default, live with it even long after the trauma is over and things have returned to normal.

Therefore, this anxiety will trigger the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response even under circumstances that aren’t necessarily threatening or dangerous.

For example, students who have “Math Anxiety” are a perfect example of this. These students will study their assignments faithfully. Moreover, they do well and make high marks on homework assignments and even during in-class quizzes.

However, when test day rolls around, their survival responses overwhelm them, shutting down the logical portion of their brains and they fail the test.

This often occurs in abused children and adult survivors of child abuse. Moreover, it happens in long-term victims and survivors of domestic abuse. This is also an issue in victims and survivors long-term bullying.

Events that are normal and healthy stressors will too easily trigger these survival mechanisms. These events could be a college exam, a deadline for a work project, or your sister’s upcoming wedding.

The ease of these triggers is determined by your nature, past experiences, and the type of threat you face. Therefore, long-term bullying tends to cause victims’ human stress response to go into maximum overdrive.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What are the effects of an overactive human stress response?

An Overactive Fight Response

For example, an overactive fight response can trigger someone to get overly angry too quickly. In other words, the person seems to go from zero to one hundred in a split second. Many bullies themselves have this issue, especially physical bullies who use physical violence as the answer to all their problems.

This puts these victims at risk of being suspended from school, fired from their jobs, or going to jail.

An Overactive Flight Response

An example of an overactive flight response could be someone always running from conflict. People notice this and label this person a big chicken. Therefore, it only prolongs the bullying until the victim is in a situation where he can’t run. Then, he end up being injured or worse.

An Overactive Freeze Response

An overactive freeze response causes you to shut down during conflict. This is the worst of the responses because it endangers the victim of physical beating or dying from a physical attack.

An Overactive Fawn Response

The victim agrees to do what he’s told and agree with the bully to avoid conflict and the possibility of getting hurt. However, this only prolongs the bullying. Why? Because it satisfies the reward center of the bullies‘ brains. Therefore, they come back for more rewards later.

What Does the Human Stress Response and it’s four components have to do with bullying?

Bullying automatically puts the victim in survival mode and causes the release of adrenaline. Therefore, it activates the Human Stress Response and either one or more of it’s components.

This adrenaline interrupts the normal, rational area of the brain. As a result, it stunts the development of the logical part of the mind. In other words, because the victim’s mind is already preoccupied with the threat of bullying, they can’t concentrate on anything else.

This is why kids who suffer bullying in school often have grades that plummet. Moreover, the job performance of bullied adults at work are also likely to suffer.

This is how bullying affects the brain and why it’s so terribly unhealthy for victims. Bullying can affect all aspects of your life. It impacts not only your physical and mental health, but also your relationships outside the bullying environment, your finances, your love life, your chance opportunities… everything!

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and their relation to bullying so that you can recognize and better talk about your experiences.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

September 10, 2024September 10, 20244 Comments

Did you know that bullying is abuse? ‘Want to know how they are one and the same? Here are the characteristics bully and abuse share that targets of bullying must know about.

Bullying is terrifying to their victims and leave them with life-long injuries and even cause death. As someone who survived and overcame bullying at school and in the workplace, I’m giving you the characteristics and long-lasting effects that bullying shares with it’s brother, abuse.

You will learn how the two match so that you can more confidently speak against it.

Once you learn these similarities, you will better be able to classify bullying as a form of abuse and see it exactly as it is. Moreover, you will be able to recite the characteristics and effects they both share so that you can contrast the two.

This post is all about the shared features and consequences of bullying and abuse and the reality that most people, especially victims of bullying don’t think about.

Bullying is abuse

This is probably a statement you haven’t heard much and you may even wonder how. Here are nine exact matches you must be aware of.

1. They both instill fear in their victims.

Bullying and abuse are designed to instill fear and anxiety. Moreover, bullies thrive on their victim’s fear to get a desired outcome from their behavior and from their victims.

Victims of both are usually so overwhelmed with fear that bullies can easily force them to comply with their wishes and demands. Victims are afraid that things will only get worse.

Also, they’re frightened of being physically attacked or socially ostracized. Therefore, they feel powerless to stand up to their abusers because they know that chances are good that they’ll suffer brutal retaliation if they dare to even speak up for themselves, much less fight back.

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. However, victims of bullying and abuse are overwhelmed, even paralyzed with it.

This isn’t healthy because excessive fear only stunts growth and development. Moreover, it’s an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in life. An excessive amount of fear can also cause a psychological condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Moreover, the two can use fear of harm to induce classical conditioning in a very negative way. Think, Pavlov dogs and you’ll get a better understanding of this section.

2. Bullying is abuse: Both involve the use of force.

Bullying and abuse involves the use of force to get their victims to comply with their demands or not to say or do anything to make the perpetrators uncomfortable. Put simpler, the fear of harm compels victims to do everything they can to satisfy and even gratify (reward) their violators.

The targets often feel they have no choice. It’s either do what they can to please their offenders, or else.

3. They both include an imbalance of power.

This is a no-brainer. Bullying and abuse automatically strip their targets of personal power and hand over ALL power to the abusers. Understand that the perpetrators of both get a huge rush of power when abusing their victims.

Therefore, bullying and abuse are all about power and making their victims powerless. Thus, an imbalance of power arises if targets are too afraid to take a stand against their oppressors.

Understand that anytime bullies/abusers feel that they are losing power and control over their victims, they will immediately escalate the aggression to try and reinforce power over them.

For example, verbal or emotional bullies/abusers may escalate to physical bullying with beatings or they may destroy the victim’s property to get their point across.

Here’s a scenario. You have a verbal bully/abuser get in your face, yelling and cursing you out for a perceived slight. You get tired of hearing the tirades, so you put your hand up, turn your back on the person, and walk away.

Suddenly, as you’re walking away, your bully pursues you from behind and in a fit of rage, grabs you by the hair, and pulls you back before beating you up.

Therefore, understand that bullying and abuse always escalate! Always!

4. the goal of both is to gain power, control and dominance over another person.

Bullies and abusers love the thought of having absolute power over their targets and there’s nothing they will do to keep that power for themselves.

It’s a dark part of human nature. The one and only thing abusers desire more than money is to have the ability to tell others what they can and cannot do. In other words, they want control over the lives of others.

Bullies and abusers are tyrants and authoritarians at heart and they have an obsessive need to dominate. This is the only way they can feel powerful and in control. Always remember this.

5. Bullying is abuse: They both strip away your confidence, self-esteem, freedom, and autonomy.

Both bullying and abuse work to psychologically condition their targets. In other words, victims may initially being happy, strong, and confident people. However, bullies and abusers can slowly erode those healthy qualities and break down the target over time.

This is what has happened to many super confident women when they married abusive and controlling husbands. The women may have started out with a healthy self-esteem.

However, as time went by, the abuse from their partners slowly chipped away at their confidence and, bit by tiny bit, these women spiraled downward. In the end, the abusers broke these once-vibrant ladies down and the women became powerless shells of their former selves.

Moreover, it took a long time healing before these women could learn to make their own decisions again and feel free to be themselves.

This is what bullying and abuse both do to victims.

6. Bullying and abuse are repetitive and tend to escalate.

Always! Why? Because, sadly, most bullies and abusers get rewarded for their atrocious behavior. Moreover, most people, even those in authority, only side with the abusers/bullies and blame the victim.

It happens all the time. Because the target is usually the one with the least power, it’s much easier for bystanders and authority to blame them rather than hold the offenders responsible and risk becoming the next victim.

Let’s face it, most people, especially bystanders and authority, are cowards and butt-kissers.

Therefore, if bad behavior is what works, if it has always gotten them what they wanted in the past, then why would they stop?

Here’s something else you must know. Because bullies/abusers often get away with their abuse, they become more and more brazen with time.

As a result, they will escalate the aggression. In other words, they may transition from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. Then, occasional slaps and punches may progress to full-fledged beatings and worse and worse it gets.

Therefore, understand that bullies/abusers don’t recognize boundaries nor limits.

7. they both leave lasting emotional trauma.

If a victim suffers bullying/abuse, especially if it’s chronic and long-term, it leaves emotional scars that can be difficult to heal. Targets of abuse often suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, excessive fear and trust issues.

Moreover, they can have problems in relationships and friendships later own and can even become suicidal if they don’t find professional help.

Bullying and abuse both have the same long-term after-affects.

8. Bullying is abuse: Moreover, both come from an authoritarian and tyrannical attitude and a place of perceived superiority and entitlement.

Bullies/abusers tend to have authoritarian and superiority complexes. In other words, they have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. In other words, they think that everyone else, especially their victims is supposed to bend knee and kiss the ring.

Another thing to point out here is that many bullies/abusers have Dark Triad personalities, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.

These people can be abusive partners in the home or sadistic teachers and principals in schools. They can be bossy classmates or puffed-up coworkers trying to climb the ladder at work.

Moreover, they can be tyrannical upper managers in the workplace or politicians and government officials in a town, state, or country.

Sadly, in today’s atmosphere, we seem to have a society where most people will kowtow to these monsters and carry their water for them.

Consequently, this only emboldens these human predators. Therefore, they will become brazen and keep pushing boundaries until they ruin the lives of many people before finally dying or are forcefully held accountable

9. Both involve unwanted aggression.

Bullies and abusers are notorious for inflicting unwanted aggression on their victims. The good news is that you don’t have to continue being a victim. However, this is for another post.

In Conclusion:

Bullying and abuse share the exact same types and features. There is verbal bullying just as there is verbal abuse. It’s the same with other types of bullying and abuse. There are physical and emotional bullying and abuse, as well as psychological, relational, and social.

Moreover, the features and after-affects of both are all the same as well. Therefore, the questions remain? Why don’t more people equate bullying with abuse?

Also, why do we continue to separate the two as different things when, in fact, they’re one and the same?

Feel free to ask these questions and do your research. Moreover, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

this post was all about the features of bullying and abuse as well as the realization that bullying is abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

Social Contagion Effect: Bullying and Social Contagion

August 6, 2024August 16, 20246 Comments

If, you’ve experienced bullying did you notice that when people first began to bully you, the hatred seemed to spread throughout the environment like a cancer? Unfortunately bullying has a high social contagion effect.

This post is all about the social contagion effect of bullying. We will also discuss the mechanics of it and how it effects the target and everyone else in the bullying environment.

After you learn about the details of this phenomenon, you will better be able to prepare yourself. Also, you will make better and more sound judgements as to how to handle it.

bullying and social contagion effect

First, let’s discuss social contagion effect. According to Google, social contagion effect is an ubiquitous process by which information, such as attitudes, emotions, or behaviors, are rapidly spread throughout a group from one member to others without rational thought and reason.

In other words, a certain emotion or mood can spread quickly through a large crowd, leading them to extreme mindsets. This explains the “pack mentality” where people in large groups act in ways they may later regret.

It is the same with bullying. A few bullies select one target out of the whole class, workplace, or community.

Before you know it, the entire student body, workplace, or neighborhood is acting in evil and brutal ways toward the selected target- doing sadistic things that, under normal circumstances, they would never do.

Intense hate spreads throughout the group like cancer. Bystanders, witnesses, even teachers, school officials, supervisors, and managers will partake in the abuse of the singled-out and defenseless target.

But Why do People Do this?

They do this for several reasons:

1. To keep from being the next target
2. To fit into the group
3. To feel better about themselves and superior to someone (anyone).
4. They believe any lies/rumors about the target
5. To tighten bonds among themselves- using the target as the common enemy to unite against

Social Contagion Effect Works to the Bullies’ Advantage.

Using social contagion effect, charisma, and influence, bullies are able to unite people who think like they do and win over bystanders and members of authority. It’s the reason why entire schools, workplaces, and communities will repetitiously mob a single targeted person. Understand that hate builds on hate.

Moreover, each member of the hating group gets huge psychological benefits from the collective hatred.

The hate helps to mask the insecurities of each member of the hating group. And all haters have insecurities, but not all insecure people are haters.

Bullies know that, outside of a group, they are insignificant, ineffective, and powerless. If you have noticed, and I’m almost certain you have, haters always- always hate in packs. Therefore, they incentivize bystanders and total strangers to join in. Others not only partake in their hatred of the target, but also agree with and condone it.

In their shared hatred of a target, each member gets validation and gains a sense of self-worth. The group also helps them to forget all about their insecurities and shortcomings. Moreover, each person gets the chance to feel superior to the target.

Other benefits bullies get from their groups is a feeling of immense power, anonymity, and decreased accountability.

Hate has a better and much quickly Social Contagion Effect than Love. It is also a Better Group Adhesive.

Realize that hate is like an adhesive that binds each member of the bully group together. When a group of bullies verbally attack their target, it enhances each member’s self-image and the overall status of the group.

However, this is when things tend to become dangerous! It can only get worse, not better for the victim.

Once verbal attacks lose their thrill, the hating group will take it up a notch and begin taunting the target by flipping him off, throwing rocks, destroying their property, and other such activities.

And once that no longer produces the rush of power that they seek, they will then begin shoving, tripping, pushing, etc. Shoving, pushing and tripping will then escalate to punching, kicking, and beating- then worse, worse, and worse still.

Again, understand that hate spreads like a cancer. It’s the root of so many problems today. It’s true that hate hurts the haters more than the hated and that it eats the haters up inside.

However, it can cause a lot of collateral damage and make life dangerous for the victim if the victim fails to learn to recognize it.

An Example of The Social Contagion Effect:

The enthusiasm of the supporters who back the bullies is that of the audience for their favorite ball teams, or an entire nation when its soldiers return home from war. It spreads throughout the group with extreme fervor and exalts their “heroes” while degrading the adversary or enemy.

Also, each member must continue thinking and acting like the rest of the hating group, or risk being excluded from the group. Even worse, the group may target them too and they know it.

Us Versus Them

Another example of the social contagion effect is that the group only grows.

In other words, your bullies and their loyal sycophants vastly outnumber you and their numbers seemingly increase day by day. And, the larger their numbers, the more emboldened they become to show hostility because they believe it’s safer to do so.

This is why people in groups are far more open with abuse because they get a certain degree of cover and anonymity from the group.

Worse even, not only do their numbers grow, the hatred and hostility of each member also grows. Moreover, the more they band together and bond with each other. Therefore, the more hostility they will heap on top of you.

And the hatred and hostility only serve to strengthen their desire to not only isolate you, but to eliminate you altogether.

Therefore, the group’s increasing numbers and their comradery and support for one another, combined with their blatant hostility for you are both powerful and dangerous. It’s the same kind of scenario you also see in political fights and persecution.

Whether in sports against the opposing team, in the military against the enemy on the battlefield, or a group of bullies and bystanders against a target, the mentality and feelings of hostility are all the same- it’s the dynamic of “us versus them.”

When bullies turn an entire school, workplace, or organization against one target, the entire group shares a great degree of esprit de corps. Members of the group solidify themselves to one another and distance themselves from you. In this, they overplay the sameness in their clique and differences from the you.

What Happens When You Confront this Type of thing Head-On?

Sadly, these kinds of dynamics are difficult for you to stand up to and defend against. Therefore, let this serve as a warning.

You will feel angry and you will become tired of all the BS. And you may decide once and for all, to stand up to all of them and speak out, which, you have ever right to do so.

However, when you do muster up the courage to say and/or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a large group and perceived norm.

And once you dare to push back against any status quo and any large group, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

Remember. In their minds, you are the enemy! Nothing more, nothing less. And the enemy doesn’t deserve the right to live in peace. The enemy deserves nothing but total destruction. Again, this is how they think.

As much as it may suck, when you become a target of bullying, people- bullies, bystanders, and yes, sometimes even those in authority, such as teachers and school officials, upper management in the workplace, or police in a community, consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay a target.

From their perspective, you are to “know your place.” In other words, they expect you to put your head down and take the abuse. Moreover, they want you to just accept your position in life and not to expect things to get better.

And if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

So, What Can You Do about social contagion effect?

I hate to say it. But sometimes, the best recourse is just to find a way to escape the environment. Understand that you’re not running away nor are you being cowardly.

You are being wise. You’re doing what you must do to take care of yourself. Moreover, you are seeing reality for what it is.

And the reality is that some power dynamics are too great for one person to stand against. Therefore, rather than stay and continue to push against a brick wall that just won’t budge, you must get out of that hostile environment and allowing yourself to move on to a safer one.

Therefore, again, there’s nothing wrong with this and it doesn’t mean that you’re a coward.

Know When It’s Time to Move On.

“Oh, but they’ll think I’m a coward! So, I have to stay and fight.”

SCREW them! What do you care what they think after you’ve left? Let them think what they will. What are you going to do? Stay and continue wasting your time fighting something you can’t change or win? Life’s too short for that.

Part of taking care of yourself and being brave is to know when to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures.

In other words, if you’re an object of this kind of hatred, the best you can do is to make yourself a priority.

How you do this is to take steps to protect yourself. There are times when that means leaving situations that are too toxic to stay in and too powerful to fight. The trick is to pick your battles and decide when you should fight and when you should walk away from toxic people.

Moreover, focus on the people you love and who love you. Stay away from abusive people and keep yourself around people who uplift you. Move to and stay in a warm and loving environment if possible. You owe it to yourself.

This post was all about the social Contagion effect to better prepare you for situations of group bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

June 18, 2024August 12, 202452 Comments

‘Want to know what the first step is to building confidence? It’s knowing yourself with every fiber of your being.

Knowing exactly who you are goes a long way when people are bullying you. As someone who had to learn this the hard way, I can tell you that when you know yourself inside and out, the least likely bullies are to get under your skin.

You are going to learn how to get to know yourself as well as the importance of knowing yourself.

After you learn these all the powerful ways to do so, you will be next to invincible to any future attacks from bullies.

This post is all about the steps to knowing yourself to give you the confidence you need to counter your bullies’ attacks successfully.

Knowing Yourself

Before we get into the steps, let’s first discuss the importance of knowing yourself.

When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself. In other words, you won’t allow others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

Therefore, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

1. Know what your needs are, what you want, and what you will and will not tolerate.

Then refuse to accept what you won’t put up with. Also, focus on your wants and needs and work hard to achieve them. This means working on yourself. Moreover, it means working toward your goals and your aspirations.

This is of the utmost importance. Why? Because when you’re too busy working on yourself and pursuing your dreams and interests, you won’t pay attention to what your bullies have to say. In other words, you’ll care less about anyone’s opinions and verbal attacks.

Also, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this messed-up thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means tuning into your gut. As we all know, your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

2. Knowing yourself: Begin trusting yourself to make the right decisions for yourself no matter what.

Here’s a little nugget you should know, your first instinct is usually the correct one.

For instance, any time you have bullies shaming and ridiculing you, your first instinct is to get away from them. However, when your bullies see that you’re leave. They may mock you for it.

They say something to the tune of, “Awww! Did you get your feelings hurt? Is that way you’re walking away?” or “Are you scared, is that why you’re leaving? Don’t be a wuss. Stand up and face us.”

Moreover, they may even tell you, “You’d better run!”

Know that it’s okay to walk away from a toxic situation. Also, know that you aren’t scared, but you aren’t going to stick around people who try to make you feel bad. When you know yourself, you know that walking away isn’t being afraid. It’s being smart!

In other words, your bullies definition of you won’t get into your head. Therefore, you’ll refuse to allow your bullies to ridicule or guilt you into staying in circumstances that don’t feel good to you.

Therefore, any time your bullies accost you, don’t be afraid to put your hand up and walk away. Know yourself well enough to know that you don’t have time for their foolishness and drama.

Understand that when you turn your back and walk away from bullies and they call out these things to you, they do it for two reasons:

a. to control you by defining you. In other words, bullies try to shame you into sticking around

b. to bait you into a fight because they know the chances are good that you’ll get blamed for it.

No one wants others to label them a coward. However, people will try to define you as one to corner you and trick you into doing what they want. Bullies know that most people will feel compelled to hang around and they’ll do it for no other reason than to prove to the rest of the world that they aren’t.

Again, this is why you must know yourself. When you know deep down that you’re not what people call you, you won’t feel any need to do any posturing. Why? Because you’ll know that there’s no need to prove anything.

Although the name-calling might sting a little, it won’t bother you as much.

3. Practice speaking out and showing your emotions.

…in appropriate settings, of course.

Knowing yourself means that you won’t feel the need to hold back emotions. You’ll be able to recognize them better and allow yourself to feel them. In some situations, it may be okay to express them.

Therefore, you won’t let others tell you how you should feel or bullies to shame you into suppressing yourself.

However, there are times when expressing and suppressing emotions is the right thing to do. For instance, if you’re attending the funeral of a loved one and you feel sad, it’s perfectly acceptable to cry.

Whereas, you wouldn’t want to break down crying in front of everyone at school because a bully called you a name. Instead, you’d show annoyance and tell the bully to get stuffed.

Also, you wouldn’t cry publicly at work because the boss chewed you out or your project fell flat. You’d just stick out your chest and try to do better the next time.

4. Another step to knowing yourself is to Practice being yourself.

Know that you don’t have to put on a big front and try to act like someone you’re not. Also, there’s no need to try to fit in anyone. In other words, know that you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.

Knowing yourself means also knowing your worth and that you are valuable no matter what people say and regardless of where you are in life.

Moreover, understand that people who don’t know themselves will follow the crowd and try to fit in. People who don’t know themselves will accept other’s definitions of them without realizing it.

They’ll build a fake identity based on how others view them and others’ expectations and ideas of who they should be.

Sadly, if a target is told by abusers that he’s ignorant, no good, lazy and that he’ll never amount to anything, in many cases, they’ll live up to it. It will show up in their grades, performance, and how they interact with people.

Therefore, don’t be that person. Authenticity is key here. Be an original because originals are like famous paintings and artwork. They’re much more valuable than copies.

So, don’t be a cheap knock-off!

Knowing yourself is freedom!

5. Get rid of the temptation to blame yourself for any bullying and abuse you suffer.

Always be true to your own heart no matter the cost. Though it may not look that way to the outside observer, quietly dig deep and get in touch with your inner sensations and instincts. Moreover realize that you aren’t to blame for the abuse you endure.

Knowing yourself is to fully understand that other people’s behavior towards you is no reflection on you. It only speaks volumes about their own lack of morals, decency, and character.

Getting to know yourself will only bring absolute confirmation that what your bullies do to you is wrong. Now this inner realization may or may not stop bullies from attacking you. In fact, it may make the bullying worse.

However, instead of hating and blaming yourself, know in your heart that they are the bad ones. Realize that bullies are notorious for projecting their own faults and shortcomings onto others.

It’s true! A bully’s accusations is usually a confession.

6. Always trust your gut.

I can’t stress this enough. Listen to what your gut tells you and believe it. Also, pay close attention to the vibes you’re getting from the people around you.

The energy people put out never lies.

This is how you maintain your inner strength and sense of self. It takes listening to your instincts when they tell you that you have reason to be cautious around certain people.

Even better, don’t be ashamed of it. Instead, pay close attention to how your body reacts when you’re around certain people.

Also, realize that you may not be able to put your finger on it and you may not know why you’re having these yucky bodily sensations.

Does your body automatically tense up?

Do you have that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach?

Does something just feel off about the person or people you’re with?

If so, know that any one of these symptoms is your cue to get away from these people… and fast!

Once you begin knowing yourself fully, bullies will no longer have power over you. As a result, you’ll be a much happier, freer, and healthier person for it.

Getting to know yourself may take time and lots of hard inner work, but it will be worth it in the end.

This post was all about knowing yourself and what steps to take to get to know yourself in order to help you raise your self-esteem and confidence levels.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

June 14, 2024November 21, 20244 Comments

‘Want to know how to stop caring what people think so that you can experience the kind of freedom you were meant to have?

Caring what other people think makes for a life of mental slavery and control. It makes you a victim. Wouldn’t you rather have the delicious freedom to just do and be what you want? As someone who was once caught in that approval-seeking trap and finally broke free, I’m giving you the steps on how to stop caring what people think.

You are going to learn the exact mindsets to adopt to get to a place where you no longer care what others think.

After you learn these mindsets, you will free yourself from the chains of other’s opinions. Also, you will have the courage to be yourself and do what’s best for you no matter what others may say about it.

This post is all about how to stop caring what people think so that you can finally put your needs first and live a freer and happier life.

how to stop caring what people think

Before we get into the steps, let’s talk about the harsh realities of placing too much value on other people’s thoughts and opinions of you.

When you care too much about what others think, you become a slave to not only opinions but to others as well. In other words, the person whose opinions you place too much value on owns you.

Moreover, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really should and when you truly want to say it.

Here’s what else. You’ll do things you’d rather not do and agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it and let them take you for granted.

Even worse, you’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover and an approval-seeker. You’ll be a doormat, and no one will have any respect for you. They’ll only think you’re pathetic!

To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

But You Don’t Have to live this way. You can make a change. So, how do you stop caring what people think?

1. Focus on your own needs.

In other words, put yourself first and foremost for a while.

This isn’t to say that putting others first is a bad thing. It isn’t. It shows that you care about your fellow man and that you’re willing to contribute some good to the world. It’s an outstanding character trait to have.

However, when you overdo that courtesy or do it at your own expense, that’s when it becomes a bad thing. Why? Because you unknowingly set yourself up to tolerate abuse.

Therefore, you must make time to take care of your own needs too. If you’re too busy taking care of others and leave no time for you, you’ll have nothing left for yourself.

Remember that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s essential!

2. Know that the weight of another person’s opinion depends on relationship.

In other words, you place the most value on the opinions of the people you love and who love you the most.

For instance, the words and opinions of your loving mother or father would carry more weight than the same words from a smart-alicky classmate or coworker.

The people that mean the most can be your parents, grandparents, siblings, spouse, or children, best friend, or a trusted mentor. Their words should always carry the most weight because these are the people who love you the most. They also want what’s best for you and cheer for your success.

However, the words and opinions of your bullies or anyone who abuses you, carry no weight whatsoever. Or, at least, they shouldn’t.

Therefore, place value on those of the people you love and trust the most because they will be honest with you.

3. Surround yourself with positive and uplifting people.

In other words, be choosy when selecting people to be friends with. There’s nothing wrong with being picky and it doesn’t mean you’re “excluding” anyone. Realize that same people, we just don’t mesh with and there will be those who are out to hurt us.

Understand that the company you keep has a huge influence on your self-esteem. Therefore, for the sake of your own mental health, choose people who are positive.

Spend time with people who lift you up and avoid those who tear you down. People who consistently put you down have no place in your life. You’re better off without them.

4. how to stop caring what people think of you:

Love thyself.

In other words, love yourself even when it seems as if the rest of the world hates you.

This means knowing your worth and the value you bring to this world. Treat yourself just as you would your best friend. Put simpler, be your own best friend. Treat yourself with compassion.

Also, loving yourself means knowing yourself. When you know yourself inside and out, you are better able to define yourself instead of letting others, particularly bullies and abusers, do it for you.

Moreover, when you learn to accept only your definition of who you are, you can more easily avoid bullying because you’re better able to recognize it. And when you’re able to identify abuse, you’re least likely to put up with it.

In other words, when you know who you are, you also know what you want and what you will and will not tolerate, which is why knowing who you are is of the utmost importance.

Furthermore, knowing yourself means knowing your feelings, senses, and instincts and trusting them to guide you through this messing thing called life. Tuning in to your feelings and instincts means trusting your gut.

Your mind can deceive you and your heart can get you into trouble. But your gut can guide you out of dangerous situations and environments if you allow it to.

Again, loving yourself means knowing yourself. If you love yourself and know who you are, bullies can name-call and ridicule you until doomsday and it will be least likely to phase you.

6. Stop seeking approval.

Self-acceptance never comes from the outside, it always comes from within. Therefore, get rid of the craving to be liked and be okay with being disliked by some.

Realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. In other words, for someone to make you feel bad, you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what people think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power.

Understand that their approval isn’t needed and just be. I promise you that you will feel so much better, not to mention, freer!

Therefore, be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices.

Also, do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own goals and dreams. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

7. Spend time alone.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Moreover, just because you’re alone doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. Alone and lonely have different meanings.

Spending time alone is healthy because it gives you time to unwind.

Also, alone time is beneficial because it allows you to focus on a project without disruption and makes concentration so much easier. So, you can be alone without necessarily being lonely. And everyone needs a little bit of “me-time” every day!

Being alone is being at home by yourself and enjoying a good book.

8. believe in yourself.

This means believing in yourself even when it seems that no one else believes in you. That’s a hard thing to do but so important.

How you can do this is to think about all the successes you’ve won and the accomplishments you’ve made. Think of all your wins, even the tiny ones.

Also, think of all the happier times you’ve experienced. Try to remember all the positives and I promise, you’ll feel so good about yourself.

Moreover, think of all the people who love you and who want best for you. Reflect on all these things and your self-belief will skyrocket! Finally, you’ll care less what others think of you.

9. be yourself.

This means continuing to be yourself even when those around you are trying to change you. Realize that if we all were the same, this life would be boring.

Therefore, be an original. Originals have way more value than cheap knock-off copies. This is how you stop caring about other’s opinions of you.

this post was all about how to stop caring what people think to help you raise your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

3. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

4. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use