Cognitive Dissonance: 5 Ways It Plays a Huge Role in Bullying

November 22, 2024November 22, 20244 Comments

Do you want to know about cognitive dissonance and the huge role it has in incidences of bullying. Here we discuss how it leaves you standing alone and perpetuates more bullying.

Sadly, most bystanders, witnesses, and members of authority have cognitive dissonance. Especially when it comes to incidences of bullying in school, the workplace, and in the community. However, it only serves to embolden bullies and abusers. Also, it multiplies the sufferings of victims and targets.

In this post, you will learn all about this psychological mechanism so that you can call it by name.

After you learn about this form of denial, you’ll confidently call it what it is the next time bystanders do nothing and claim they didn’t see your bullies attack you.

So What is Cognitive dissonance?

According to Very Well Mind, it is “the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.”

Human nature dictates that people would rather hold onto their attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs. Therefore, when what they see and hear conflicts with those long-held perceptions, it causes them to feel uncomfortable.

For example, you have a bullied coworker and bullies and their followers have defamed the person for years. Moreover, people at work may have seen the victim break down or snap. And why not? Almost anyone would break under the pressure after suffering relentless bullying for so long.

As a result, the bullies only weaponize the victim’s perfectly normal response and twist it to make it look like the person is a bad person or they need help.

Therefore, everyone else in the company thinks this person is either unhinged or they’re just a terrible person who doesn’t have good temperament. Even worse, they’ve all held those beliefs for years.

Then, one day, someone who really knows the bullied coworker starts working for the company and tells them what a great person the victim really is. The friend will even provide some kind of evidence that proves it.

However, the other workers only get angry at the friend for telling the truth and contradicting their perceptions. They then begin to bully the victim’s friend and escalate the abuse of the victim a hundred fold!

Moreover, the more the friend explains that the victim really is a good person once people at work get to know them, the more the blind coworkers double down in their attitudes. Consequently, they also triple the abuse.

the above scenario is what cognitive dissonance is and what is does.

This psychological defect only comes from pride. In other words, the bullies and everyone else will never admit that they had the victim all wrong.

To admit that they messed up would mean admitting they treated the victim like crap. Moreover, they would risk losing face and possibly their jobs.

This is why the truth angers most people who deny it. And you don’t see CD in only cases of bullying and abuse. You also see it in politics and in family cases of divorce.

Moreover, cognitive dissonance can show up after a bad breakup.

Another example would be back in the 1400s, when people thought the world was flat. After Christopher Columbus discovered that it was round, most people refused to believe it and ridiculed him.

Again, most people refuse to believe something even if proof of it is right under their noses. In other words, they may see the opposite of their perceptions with their own eyes and still refuse to believe it.

Another Example of Cognitive dissonance

Here’s another example. You’re bullied in school and you come to the office with bruises and cuts all over your face. You report your bullies beat you up in the schoolyard.

The brutes that beat the mess out of you happen to be stars on the football team and college-bound students with stellar grades. Moreover, their families are either big time mobsters or they’re high officials in the city government.

The principal, who admires the bullies and knows their families well, swears up and down that you’re lying. He accuses you of doing it to yourself to make the attackers look bad and get them into trouble. Or, he may accuse you of having someone else beat you up and blaming those innocent bullies for it.

So, you give the names of the other students who stood around watching the entire thing. When the principal calls them all in, they each claim they didn’t see the bullying when you know doggone well they did see it.

You saw them standing around watching as the bullies attacked you. The principal then blames you and gives you a three-day suspension while your assailants get off Scot free.

However, tell the principal that you’re well aware of the cognitive dissonance everyone has. Then watch his chin hit the floor as the shock grabs him by the boo-boo!

You’ll practically hear him thinking, “Where the hell did this kid learn that?”

What happens when you meet one of your bullies at the ten-year reunion?

You meet your bully or bullies at the ten-year reunion with your spouse and children. You’re civil to them. Then you tell your family that these people bullied you in school but you rose above it.

Your bullies hear this and respond with denial, anger, or indignation.

Or, you see them at the reunion and they bully you again, in front of your family. Moreover, they throw subtle digs at your spouse and kids because your spouse tells some of the classmates that you’re such a great husband/wife and that you couldn’t have picked a better life partner.

The point to this story is this.

Bullies don’t want to notice anything about you that forces them to remember that you are generally a good person. They don’t want to see proof that you are respected and very well-loved.

In other words, your bullies will deny that you’re a kind and thoughtful person and not deserving of brutal treatment.

And they for sure don’t want to remember that they were the ones who made school hell for you and caused you so much pain. In fact, they refuse to see you as a human being, deserving of the same rights and considerations as everyone else.

The reason why bullies do NOT want to see these things is that it would only prick at their consciences and make them feel dirty!

Cognitive dissonance: this bares repeating

Regardless of the facts, of what you say or do, or of your intentions, your bullies will take everything out of context. Moreover, they will misconstrue and spin it to support their narratives, whatever they may be.

Deep down inside, your bullies, their followers, your former friends who have been turned against you- they all know that you’re a great person.

Believe me, they are very much aware of your kindness, your big heart, and of your potential, only they would never in this lifetime admit it. Because to admit it would be to convict themselves.

Admission of your positive qualities would be an admission of their guilt! That they were in the wrong and that they are a bunch of cruel monsters!

Therefore, to save face and not feel like total scumbags, they can’t afford to acknowledge the truth. Because, again, to do so would be to demonize themselves.

And you can bet that if you happen to run into one or more of your former bullies from school or work at the supermarket, the gas station, or anywhere else in public, they will automatically turn their heads and walk away- fast!

However, you must understand where it all comes from.

Don’t feel rejected. And don’t feel the least bit upset about it. You must see it for what it is, and what it is, is guilt! It’s nothing personal.

Realize that each time they see your face, it only reminds them of the horrible things they did to you in the past, and they feel dirty!

No one wants to feel dirty.

Therefore, when this happens to you, don’t let it shake you. Don’t feel rejected because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Moreover, they’re trying to bury feelings of shame and they’re afraid you might expose them.

just smile when your old bullies turn and run.

Because that’s what they’re doing. They feel very uncomfortable around you. Therefore, you have power over them now. Why? Because the very sight of you intimidates the hell out of them. Guilt is a very powerful but uncomfortable emotion and it can cut a person to the quick.

However, bullies with NPD may not feel this guilt as most people with this disorder don’t. They may give you dirty looks instead. But still, you have power over them otherwise, they wouldn’t even waste the energy of a look. Instead, they’d just go on their marry way.

This post was all about cognitive dissonance so that you can confidently call it out when you see it. Moreover, you can take advantage of your bullies’ discomfort by using it as a self-esteem booster.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying

Bullies Are Well-Known for Making Snap Judgements

October 1, 202113 Comments

If you’re a target of bullying, you often wonder why bullies and their followers make snap judgments about you before getting to know you or before seeing any evidence and getting the facts. You may also wonder why your classmates, coworkers, or neighbors automatically believe rumors and lies about you, especially rumors and lies that sound completely ridiculous.

I know how you feel. Some of the accusations my classmates accused me of were so absurd and ludicrous, that any sane person would’ve dismissed them outright. If you find yourself asking why your peers fall for such foolishness, here’s your answer.

Bullies don’t care what the facts are. Never are they concerned with the truth. Understand that these quick judgments are judgments that fit their agendas. The only agendas they have are to hurt you! Nothing else! And they will look for any justification and opportunity to do so.

People, especially bullies, don’t believe facts. They only think whatever feels good to them. It doesn’t matter if it’s a fact, opinion, or a complete falsehood.

Here’s an example: A wife has a husband she loves dearly. The wife’s best friend sees the husband out with another woman and kissing her one Saturday night. So, the best friend informs the wife that her husband is cheating, only for the wife to get angry at the best friend and throw her out.

Even though the husband is, in fact, guilty of cheating and the BFF did witness him kissing the mistress, the wife doesn’t believe it because she doesn’t want to believe it. Therefore, it feels much better to assume that the BFF is jealous of her happy marriage and is trying to break them apart.

Here’s another example: Lori hates Veronica. Lori is best friends with Cindy. Cindy befriends Veronica and finds out what a sweet and genuine person Veronica is. Later, she tells Lori that Veronica is not such a bad person, that she’s, in fact, a lovely and caring lady. Lori refuses to believe Cindy and only wants to believe the worst about Veronica.

Lori gets angry at Cindy for having anything to do with Veronica and accuses Cindy of betraying her (Lori). Lori now refuses to talk to Cindy.

But understand that Lori only stops talking to Cindy to manipulate her into cutting ties with Veronica. Because of Lori’s blind hatred for Veronica, she refuses to believe that Veronica may, in fact, be a great friend if Lori ever got to know her.

Lori has VDS- Veronica Derangement Syndrome.

Again, bullies don’t care about facts or evidence. They want to believe the lies, and even worse, they want the lies to be true! Self-deception and willful blindness always feel better to bullies.

Ignorance is bliss, and unfortunately, bullies are some of the most blissful people on earth.

If you are a target of such people, my advice would be NOT to try and convince them because you’d only be wasting your time and energy. Instead, continue to love and accept yourself regardless. Also realize that these people aren’t good for you and shouldn’t be in your life. You’re better off without them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies with Guilty Consciences

February 20, 20214 Comments

Have you noticed that anytime you speak out against bullying and abuse, or any wrongdoing for that matter, that the guilty dogs always come for you and bark the loudest? Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.

And…BOOM! Many haters come out of the woodwork, latch on, and start screaming, cursing, putting you down and accusing you of everything under the sun. Some call you ugly names and threaten – even people you don’t know, who don’t know you, and have nothing to do with what you’re talking about.

Thankfully, this has not happened here on WordPress and I am so grateful for all my WordPress family! You guys are truly the best and I could not ask for better people online.

But, on occasion, it has happened on a few other forums and once in person when I gave information about it to someone who desperately needed it. The person thanked me but the people who overheard our conversation went berserk over it later. So, if this has happened to you too, did you ever wonder why?

Its because the people who are sooo offended and doing the yelling, cursing, and tantrum-throwing have guilty consciences.

Here’s a further explanation:

Naturally, we know that people who’ve bullied and abused you in the past, are going to come out in droves and attack you. That’s a given. And you don’t have to call these people out by their names to trigger them and put them on the defense. Why? Because to hear, read about, or even know that you’re speaking out on the subject itself makes them very afraid- panicky even.

But, more than anything, it eats at their conscience!

Again, realize that you don’t have to necessarily expose them. All you’ve got to do is prick at their sense of guilt and they go nuts.

The latter is why you may also trigger people who may not know you nor have anything to do with what was done to you- you delivered a huge blow to their conscience! Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people utterly insane!

Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they did someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences, or talk about bullying and abuse in general, made you a huge reminder to those people. You caused them to either think of the abuse they’re dishing out to someone else or have inflicted in the past. Ouch!

It’s subconscious. They don’t know it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All those people know is that your story, or the subject you speak of is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.

This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.

It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you and they snarl when they yell at you. I mean, they really come unglued!

But understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it. Why would someone get so defensive, so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on a few toes- if the people around you didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you weren’t talking directly to them, or about them?

Really think about it. Pastors of churches have this happen all the time. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him the what-for after the service is over.

My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation had nothing to do with them. So, why would they care?

Remember that the people who are most offended by this and react irately are the guilty ones and you can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger can be revealing.