If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind, such as a police record of vandalism you might have committed when you were seventeen. Maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. And if you knew those reasons, you just might end up feeling so much better about yourself.

Therefore, here are 4 reasons bullies bring up your past:

1. Your bullies do it out of jealousy.

A jealous person feels threatened by your good qualities and accomplishments. Your bullies may resent an accomplishment. Also, they could envy a characteristic you’ve recently developed. Maybe you’re becoming more confident lately and they’re jealousy of your confident attitude. You’ve brought your grades up and begun making straight A’s. Or you’ve won that coveted promotion at work. It could be that you’ve gotten an outstanding paying job with one of the top paying companies in town. Nevertheless, they see that you’re evolving and it threatens their power.

Understand that anytime you accomplish something, no matter how small, you will attract a mountain of jealousy your way. However, the best thing to do is to let them go ahead and act out. Realize that they’re doing it out of raw emotion and chances are, they’ll make total fools of themselves.

In other words, when a bully acts out of jealousy, he is unwittingly admitting to you and the other people around him that he feels inferior to you. Remember the quote by Napoleon Bonaparte, “Never interfere with an enemy in the process of destroying himself.

2. Your past is just that – the past.

Realize that we all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make them. There is nothing you can do about the past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who constantly remind you of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you’ve changed for the better and that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Moreover, here’s something else to keep in mind. Several celebrities had rough pasts before they became famous. Some came from incarceration, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

3. The bullies are getting desperate.

They’re desperate to find something terrible you’ve done or were involved in to sully your reputation. Understand that if they can’t find dirt on you, their next objective is to bring up your past.

4. Your past is the stepping-stone that got you to where you are now.

Whatever you might have done or gotten involved in during your past, you had to go through that phase of your life to get where you are now. It was only a stop along the road that lead you to the place you’re at today. So, don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come since.

So, don’t let that shake you. Do not let these people tear you down! Consequently, there are so many people who either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others make them feel bad by reminding them of it. These people can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back.

Therefore, don’t be one of these people! Know that your past doesn’t determine your future. See this dirty tactic for what it is and see your bullies for who and what they are. They are only jealous and desperate people with low self-esteem and insecurity issues. And the only way they can feel better about themselves is to pee on your victories and bring you down to their level. Pathetic, isn’t it?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When you’re able to pick up on the vibes of the people around you, you have a gift. And it can be a godsend to targets of bullying.

Imagine that you’re able to feel other’s energy and sense their moods and auras! It’s great because it warns you ahead of time that negative people are nearby. Therefore, it gives you the cue you need to steer clear of them. In that, it gives you the chance to avoid harm before it happens.

However, the sensations themselves don’t feel good.

In life, there will be many people you meet from whom you’ll pick up some yucky vibes. In other words, you’ll notice that something just doesn’t sit well when you encounter such people. These feelings and sensations are always physical- you usually feel them in your body, most often, your stomach.

In cases like this, your body is like a radio tower that picks up frequencies, and it doesn’t lie.

When you pick up negative vibes, you’ll get that sick feeling in your stomach. Sometimes, you even get that cold, creepy shiver up your spine. You’ll feel as if the hairs are standing up on the back of your neck.

What’s best for you doesn’t always feel or taste good.

Paying attention to these not-so-good feelings is like taking a spoonful of medicine when you’re sick. No, it doesn’t taste good. In fact, many kinds of medicine taste downright nasty. However, if you’ll just hold your nose, put the spoon in your mouth, and swallow the concoction, you’ll feel so much better later.

In other words, if you’ll pay attention to those bad vibes instead of ignoring them, you’ll be able to excuse yourself from the encounter and avoid a potential attack. You’ll also be able to better avoid the suspicious person in the future.

Then, once you’re away from them, you’ll feel so much better, not to mention, safer. Also, you’ll feel so proud of yourself knowing that you likely dodged a bullet.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part. Maybe it’s the reason they stay so angry at you all the time. They hate you because your truth contradicts their lies.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll become desperate and go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Here’s to not only my bullies from the past, but all bullies in the world today:

If only you had a clue. If only you knew what sniveling cowards you were and still are. If only you realized that some of us are smarter than you think and see right through your veils.

If only you could see what we see behind your pathetic attempts to look bigger, better, and brighter than what you really are. Because if you saw what we see when we look at you, you’d want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

If only you knew that in your feeble attempts to instill fear in and control others through your yelling, screaming, and cursing tirades; or your passive-aggressive dirty looks, scowls, and eye-rolls, you don’t look all-powerful. You only look desperate.

If only you could see that your relentless jockeying for power and control only gives you the appearance of weakness and desperation, not strength and ambition.

Your attacks and threats toward anyone smaller or weaker only expose your own fear and timidity. We know you’d never risk going toe to toe with someone of your equal without being buried where you’d fall. And the sad truth is that you know it too.

You hide from the truth of your inadequacies behind empathetic, ethical, and good-hearted people like us as a baby would hide behind the skirt of its mother from the boogeyman.

Your pitiful attempts to use others as a shield to conceal your flaws and imperfections make you look exactly like what you are- fakes, frauds, and imposters.

Your incessant fakery and false bravado only mean that you’re not to be taken seriously and only evidences your pathetic self-loathing.

Just knowing that you must work so hard and expend so much energy to hide your true selves and keep others down only makes us scoff at you and laugh among ourselves behind your backs because we don’t have to work as you do.

We are quite comfortable at being ourselves, and we can save our energy for use to create our own happiness and success. It’s so sad that you can’t.

Bullies, you truly are pitiful because your hatred for people like us burns you up inside, eats away at your souls, and blocks you from any peace and happiness you might otherwise attain.

So, even as you unleash your vitriol on us, we don’t hate you. You’re simply not worth the energy it takes to hate.

We only pity you– feel sorry for you because we know that at your very core- you’re so miserable with your own existence. You’re hopeless to achieve growth and become wiser and better people. And you’re helpless to better your lives.

We’ve already figured out that behind your made-up faces and fancy clothes and hairdos, there’s no substance. There’s no authenticity or anything solid. The only thing behind your weak and shaky facades is only hot air- nothingness- dead space!

You paint yourselves as most valuable, yet you bring no value to the table, only fake humanness, euphemisms, and double-speak. You may glitter and sparkle, but not all that glitters is gold. It’s only fool’s gold.

You tear people down, undermine their creativity, and take credit for their ideas. But only because you aren’t smart enough to be original. I’ll bet you’ve never had an original thought in your entire lives!

You surround yourselves with people who are just like you- coattail hitchhikers who are unable to think for themselves, who’ll jump through a thousand hoops to make “the right people” like and favor them, and who are nothing but followers, drones, lackeys, and patsies. In a nutshell, you’re only losers disguised as winners.

You talk so much garbage, but instead of making us feel bad, you only give us free entertainment- because we know now that talk is cheap- and it’s all you can do.

But you’re right about one thing. We are different from you- absolutely we are. We’re nothing like any of you. And you know what else? We’re proud of it.

People like us don’t need lackeys and followers. We can improvise, adapt to, and overcome anything. And the best part is, we have you to thank for that.

You taught us how to be inventive. We’re creative because we had to be. You taught us how to get around any roadblock or barrier placed in our paths. How? You might ask? You gave us plenty of practice!

You gave us grit– the strength to weather the storms in life, to stay the course, and to gather the wherewithal to live a better and more rewarding life.

You made us more determined to have what we want out of life. In trying to break us down, you only set some of us on our paths to success – and without meaning to!

And now, while you stay in your comfort zones and live mediocre lives, we’re willing to endure a little discomfort to expand our horizons and live extraordinary lives. And it’s finally paying off.

While you followed the latest fads and trends, we were developing those of the future.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us down. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. So, here’s another reason for you to hate us.

And the fun part is, we welcome, even embrace your hatred of us.

And we haven’t even begun yet, we’re only getting started. There’s a lot more to come.

Again. you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. And the best part is, we’re still rising!

Sorry- Oops! Not!

It seems that the finest nurses get the worst rap. Because of their empathy and their love and dedication to the job, they are often the ones who are targeted most by bullies. A nurse’s job is hard enough but when she is bullied by not only superiors and coworkers, but patients and their families too, I can only imagine how much harder she must work to hold it together- especially if he/she is fresh out of nursing school.

When a nurse is bullied, it’s devastating and only goes to show what a thankless job he/she does! And sadly, bullying often starts in nursing school.

There’s a saying that’s been popular for quite a while:

“Nurses eat their young.”

Sadly, it’s true and most likely the reason the medical field has such a shortage of nurses. And that problem existed way before the pandemic.

If you’ve ever been through nursing school, then you know it’s not only boot camp for your brain, but also a cesspool of bullies. Not that all nurses are bullies because they’re not. We have some fine nurses and they are our heroes! But sadly, the bullies seem to spoil it for all these wonderful people!

It’s shocking that there are bullies in a profession which is centered on care and healing and pride’s itself on compassion and empathy. Yet many students who’d be awesome nurses are often bullied out by those who are only in it for the great pay and prestige they know will come with being a nurse.

And in the workplace, the handful of bullies often make it hard for the greatest nurses in the field!

In 2013, I began training to become an RN. And I won’t pretend that it wasn’t tough. Although there were a few times when a few attempted to bully me, I managed to blow it off and after a few times, they left me alone.

However, there was another woman, a young girl who was just a few years post-high school. I had the displeasure of watching her get tormented by the other students. And they would bully her to the point of tears! Even the instructors mistreated her. My heart broke for her. We’ll call her McKinley.

McKinley was young, a vibrant and gorgeous lady! And beautiful! So beautiful that she could’ve easily been a face on a magazine cover!

I’m not kidding. This young lady had movie-star looks- a trim waist, long beautiful hair, wide, almond-shaped eyes, and a natural sun-kissed glow! And these spiteful older women in the staff seemed to target her every chance they got, which sent the message to the other students that it was okay for them to bully her too.

Bullies only ruin any profession they seek.

What was really shocking was that the two main bullies in the class would cheat on tests and when the rest of the class reported them, they were allowed to get away with it because, conveniently, the cameras in the classroom weren’t working or so it was told. And would you believe these instructors made sure the cheaters went on to graduate?

It’s funny how those two seemed to get a free pass. But you can bet that if they’d accused sweet McKinley of the same, they wouldn’t have thought twice about kicking her out of the nursing program!

Lucky for me, I still remember the cheater’s names and will know who to watch out for in the event I get sick and end up in a hospital bed.

As I continued to watch McKinley get berated, I grew both sad and angry at the same time. So, I decided to befriend her and immediately took her under my wing, giving her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when she needed it.

Great illustration of Retro Styled Businesswoman who caught up in a bureaucratic Spiders Web and looks like she is on the menu of a business lunch.

Having been bullied in the past and knowing well how it felt, I bore this child’s pain! She soon became “my daughter from another mother” and through the rest of the semester, McKinley and I were inseparable.

I never went back after that semester. This experience made me realize that this wasn’t really what I wanted to do. McKinley dropped out the following semester.

She and I remain friends to this day and I’m excited to say, she’s happy! McKinley has moved on to a better life. Having since gotten married and had two children. She’s also moved on to another career, one she enjoys!

McKinley now has the job, family, and home she’s always wanted and I couldn’t be more proud of her. And I have no doubt she will continue to make her surrogate mother proud!

Reminder:
Don’t forget to pray from all the great nurses and other healthcare workers during this crisis! They not only put themselves but their families at risk! Pray that God will form a hedge of protection around them and bless them with staying healthy as they continue to put in long hours and help those who are stricken with Coronavirus.

Also, pray that God bless the nurses who left their jobs because they chose to keep sovereignty over their own bodies.

We have a Constitution and a Nuremberg Code which each states that no one should be coerced into taking an “experimental” shot. Taking it should be a personal choice only.

I respect these nurses decisions and their autonomy.

If you’re a target of bullying, do you ever wonder how some bullies are able to lie so convincingly and turn everyone against you?

It’s because these bullies are master wordsmiths. But let’s delve a little deeper. What makes them so good at wordsmithing? How is it that their words seem to have a hypnotic effect on your friends, associates, teachers, and supervisors?

Here are your answers:

1. They use loaded words and language. Good or bad, loaded language appeals to or triggers other’s emotions. And when emotions are high, the logic goes right out the window! Sadly, most people are ruled by their emotions and bullies instinctively know this. They may have learned by watching and listening to others at home or a maybe they’ve done a lot of reading you don’t know about

2. They make off-hand comments. Offhand comments can be taken in many different ways and are interpreted based on the perception of the person you’re talking to. These types of remarks often sound innocent but are meant to be highly insulting, which makes them so easily deniable.

3. They are good at taking your words out of context. And they do this deliberately to use them against you. The intended meaning behind your words won’t matter because these bullies will twist and spin them any and every which way to fit their narratives.

4. They ask “gotcha questions.” Many times, bullies will get you in front of bystanders and people in authority. They’ll then ask you questions that are designed to trap you into giving answers that may damage your credibility and reputation.

It’s these types of bullies you should avoid at all costs. And if you can’t avoid them, find a way to learn how to counter these monsters because they can do real damage if you don’t defend yourself against them.

bully word in a dictionary. bully concept.

Because people use the term “bullying” so widely today, they too often misuse and abuse it. In today’s climate, people throw the word around flippantly, and “bullying” is used in situations that don’t fit its use.

Many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they either disagree with or don’t like. There’s so much confusion about what is bullying and what is only rudeness, being a jerk, or voicing an individual opinion, whether good or bad.

Therefore, I feel an obligation to point out the definition of bullying and to clarify what truly is and isn’t bullying.

Here is the definition:

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

All too often, bullying is confused with:

1. Disagreements and truthful debates

2. Misunderstandings

3. Stubbornness

4. Incivility and jerky behavior

Bullying has become a blanket term to describe anyone who is only rude or opinionated. The label of “bully” is too quickly stuck to people who are not necessarily bullies but only uncivil jerks and jackasses- basically anyone who says, does, or believes anything that the labeler doesn’t find comfortable. This is wrong.

For something to be considered bullying, there must be all of these ingredients:

1. An imbalance of power

2. Repetition

3. Repeated attacks against the same person over a long time.

4. The behavior has to be a habit or the same pattern, against the same victim.

If a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. That’s not bullying. Is the person a total jackhole? Absolutely. But he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now, if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you on the street. And he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you, then yes! He would be a bully. Because he would be using his size and height to intimidate you and he’d be repeating the behavior every day.

Here’s another example:

A person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them if what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

This is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

But! If the person continued this behavior for a length of time and smeared the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against her, then yes! It is bullying.

If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying Even if the argument is heated.

Only when one of the arguers resort to repeatedly (notice I said, repeatedly) calling their opponent names and shaming them because they don’t agree nor share their beliefs, and the harassment goes on for a long time, against the same opponent! That, my friends, is bullying!

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we MUST get clear on exactly what it is that constitutes bullying! Only then will we be able to apply it to those who are truly deserving of the label.

You’re NOT about to be mobbed if:

You’re brought in for a talk with the boss after an incident has been raised. Then you finish the meeting and come out of your boss’ office feeling darned good about yourself. You’ll also notice the boss smiling at you and the other person looking stressed and withdrawn. You’ll notice that the other person is increasingly isolated while things are looking better and better for you. Your supervisor or manager will drop by from time to time and chat you up.

You’re about to be mobbed if:

The boss doesn’t drop by to chat you up in an openly friendly way or doesn’t invite you into his office with a smile in the wake of an incident. Instead, the boss will begin to avoid you like a bad disease!

Also, you coworkers will go out of their way to track you down and pump you for information. They’ll only fake interest and support in what you have to say. They may call you at home or come by your house, feigning support and empathy and peppering it with questions. But it isn’t long before they begin avoiding you, gossiping about you and defaming you.

You must recognize these signs. Only then will you be able to take appropriate action and ward off a potential termination, marring of your good name, and derailment of your career!

As quoted in the old G.I. Joe cartoon years ago, “knowing is half the battle!”