If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind, such as a police record of vandalism you might have committed when you were seventeen. Maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. And if you knew those reasons, you just might end up feeling so much better about yourself.

Therefore, here are 4 reasons bullies bring up your past:

1. Your bullies do it out of jealousy.

A jealous person feels threatened by your good qualities and accomplishments. Your bullies may resent an accomplishment. Also, they could envy a characteristic you’ve recently developed. Maybe you’re becoming more confident lately and they’re jealousy of your confident attitude. You’ve brought your grades up and begun making straight A’s. Or you’ve won that coveted promotion at work. It could be that you’ve gotten an outstanding paying job with one of the top paying companies in town. Nevertheless, they see that you’re evolving and it threatens their power.

Understand that anytime you accomplish something, no matter how small, you will attract a mountain of jealousy your way. However, the best thing to do is to let them go ahead and act out. Realize that they’re doing it out of raw emotion and chances are, they’ll make total fools of themselves.

In other words, when a bully acts out of jealousy, he is unwittingly admitting to you and the other people around him that he feels inferior to you. Remember the quote by Napoleon Bonaparte, “Never interfere with an enemy in the process of destroying himself.

2. Your past is just that – the past.

Realize that we all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make them. There is nothing you can do about the past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who constantly remind you of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you’ve changed for the better and that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Moreover, here’s something else to keep in mind. Several celebrities had rough pasts before they became famous. Some came from incarceration, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

3. The bullies are getting desperate.

They’re desperate to find something terrible you’ve done or were involved in to sully your reputation. Understand that if they can’t find dirt on you, their next objective is to bring up your past.

4. Your past is the stepping-stone that got you to where you are now.

Whatever you might have done or gotten involved in during your past, you had to go through that phase of your life to get where you are now. It was only a stop along the road that lead you to the place you’re at today. So, don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come since.

So, don’t let that shake you. Do not let these people tear you down! Consequently, there are so many people who either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others make them feel bad by reminding them of it. These people can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back.

Therefore, don’t be one of these people! Know that your past doesn’t determine your future. See this dirty tactic for what it is and see your bullies for who and what they are. They are only jealous and desperate people with low self-esteem and insecurity issues. And the only way they can feel better about themselves is to pee on your victories and bring you down to their level. Pathetic, isn’t it?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When you’re able to pick up on the vibes of the people around you, you have a gift. And it can be a godsend to targets of bullying.

Imagine that you’re able to feel other’s energy and sense their moods and auras! It’s great because it warns you ahead of time that negative people are nearby. Therefore, it gives you the cue you need to steer clear of them. In that, it gives you the chance to avoid harm before it happens.

However, the sensations themselves don’t feel good.

In life, there will be many people you meet from whom you’ll pick up some yucky vibes. In other words, you’ll notice that something just doesn’t sit well when you encounter such people. These feelings and sensations are always physical- you usually feel them in your body, most often, your stomach.

In cases like this, your body is like a radio tower that picks up frequencies, and it doesn’t lie.

When you pick up negative vibes, you’ll get that sick feeling in your stomach. Sometimes, you even get that cold, creepy shiver up your spine. You’ll feel as if the hairs are standing up on the back of your neck.

What’s best for you doesn’t always feel or taste good.

Paying attention to these not-so-good feelings is like taking a spoonful of medicine when you’re sick. No, it doesn’t taste good. In fact, many kinds of medicine taste downright nasty. However, if you’ll just hold your nose, put the spoon in your mouth, and swallow the concoction, you’ll feel so much better later.

In other words, if you’ll pay attention to those bad vibes instead of ignoring them, you’ll be able to excuse yourself from the encounter and avoid a potential attack. You’ll also be able to better avoid the suspicious person in the future.

Then, once you’re away from them, you’ll feel so much better, not to mention, safer. Also, you’ll feel so proud of yourself knowing that you likely dodged a bullet.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Nefarious people are experts at hiding their evil and they do it under the cover of concern and love. Bullies and fake friends are such people and it can be difficult to spotlight them. After they’ve harmed us, we’re often left shocked and bewildered.

Fortunately, there are signs you can look for if you know what they are. Here’s what you can do to spot frenemies, fakes, and undercover bullies:

1. Always observe the people around you – without looking like you’re watching, of course. Use your peripheral vision to scan them and your environment, and you’ll quickly pick up on the moods and sense the elephant in the room (if there is one).

2. Look for body language that isn’t congruent with words and context – Actions speak louder than words. If their body language isn’t congruent with words, background, or the situation and shows even a hint of hostility and discomfort when they’re around you, then “Houston, we have a problem.”

3. Watch for micro flashes – If you’re not careful, you’re likely to miss those tiny, split-second micro flashes of contempt people give without realizing it or when they think you aren’t aware of it. There are good actors; don’t get me wrong, but there are certain things the body gives away involuntarily, and if you look for it, you’ll see it.

When you’re around fake friends, sometimes, as you turn your back, you’ll see a tiny micro flash of contempt on their faces out of the corner of your eye. Then, you’ll get that nagging feeling in the pit of your gut. Don’t ignore that because you don’t only imagine things! Eighty-six these creeps fast!

4. Notice the person’s feet – You can tell a lot by the feet! If the person is talking to you, facing you, but their feet are pointing away from you, that means they aren’t as “with you” as you think. Put some distance between you and that person.

5. Watch for crossed arms while talking to the person – If you’re having a conversation with the person and they cross their arms over their chest, that’s a dead giveaway! They’re exhibiting closed body language, and they’re closing themselves off to anything you have to say. It’s time to make an excuse to end the tete-a-tete and walk away. You don’t want this person around you.

6. Looking at you without blinking – if they do this, it’s a sure sign of contempt, or they’re trying to intimidate you. Either way, this person is not the person you want to be around.

7. Other signs to look for – a furrowed brow, one corner of the lip slightly raised, an icy, piercing stare, smiling at you with their mouth but not the eyes (no crinkles around the eyes). Any of these signs, you might want to distance yourself.

8. If they look at you, then look at each other when you walk away – again, you want nothing to do with these people.

9. Watch what you share– Very important! Don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know. Not even to those who seem friendly Don’t reveal information that’s better off private. Don’t badmouth anybody, especially the bullies, to anyone. They may smile in your face, but you can be sure they’ll report back to the bullies with anything you say and try to fan the flames.

10. Watch for eavesdroppers – If you have an innocent conversation with someone in the hall, be on the lookout for eavesdroppers. Don’t talk near corners or open doors. Many times people will listen in on your discussion, then report back to the bullies with it. Pay attention to people who walk by.

And if you see other people standing around while you’re speaking and those people aren’t a part of the conversation, take the discussion to a place more private, being sure you aren’t being followed.

In order to protect yourself, you must keep your eyes and ears peeled and be an avid people-watcher. Only when you pay attention to other people, will you be able to see behind the masks bullies and fakers wear.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part. Maybe it’s the reason they stay so angry at you all the time. They hate you because your truth contradicts their lies.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll become desperate and go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Every blogger in the universe has had this happen. An unnamed cyber-bully or one with a fake name trolls your blog, then makes vile comments against you. You can tell the person isn’t a blogger because their name is in black, there’s no blog associated with their screen name, and their spelling and grammar looks as if they never got past the third grade.

Lord knows I’ve had my share of them so I’m positive that every other blogger has had a few too, if they’ve been blogging long enough. If you haven’t, give it time.

Luckily, we bloggers can moderate each comment and we have control over which comments get published and which don’t. That’s a good thing.

So, if you get a troll who harasses you on your blog and the comment is so out of left field that you think the person must be sending their comment from a mental institution, the best thing to do is to trash the comment.

It’s what I did earlier today when a commenter who called his/herself Sheina-Ashley Vann launched a personal attack on me today. I could tell this person was clearly off their rocker because the comment was pretty bizzare- and that’s putting it mildly.

Trashing the comment without reply is the best thing you can do because you erase them from your blog- you make the trolling person irrelevant. And that angers a troll more than anything because they want you to react and you don’t. You only make them disappear.

Then chances are that person never bothers you again, unless they’re a psycho. And if they do, you can always do the opposite- sometimes you must publish the comments to expose them for the mentally deranged kook they really are. And that can make them go away as well.

It really depends on the person you’re dealing with amd the concept and circumstances around the incidence. Some troll comments are better exposed and some are better trashed. Only you can decide which.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Here’s to not only my bullies from the past, but all bullies in the world today:

If only you had a clue. If only you knew what sniveling cowards you were and still are. If only you realized that some of us are smarter than you think and see right through your veils.

If only you could see what we see behind your pathetic attempts to look bigger, better, and brighter than what you really are. Because if you saw what we see when we look at you, you’d want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

If only you knew that in your feeble attempts to instill fear in and control others through your yelling, screaming, and cursing tirades; or your passive-aggressive dirty looks, scowls, and eye-rolls, you don’t look all-powerful. You only look desperate.

If only you could see that your relentless jockeying for power and control only gives you the appearance of weakness and desperation, not strength and ambition.

Your attacks and threats toward anyone smaller or weaker only expose your own fear and timidity. We know you’d never risk going toe to toe with someone of your equal without being buried where you’d fall. And the sad truth is that you know it too.

You hide from the truth of your inadequacies behind empathetic, ethical, and good-hearted people like us as a baby would hide behind the skirt of its mother from the boogeyman.

Your pitiful attempts to use others as a shield to conceal your flaws and imperfections make you look exactly like what you are- fakes, frauds, and imposters.

Your incessant fakery and false bravado only mean that you’re not to be taken seriously and only evidences your pathetic self-loathing.

Just knowing that you must work so hard and expend so much energy to hide your true selves and keep others down only makes us scoff at you and laugh among ourselves behind your backs because we don’t have to work as you do.

We are quite comfortable at being ourselves, and we can save our energy for use to create our own happiness and success. It’s so sad that you can’t.

Bullies, you truly are pitiful because your hatred for people like us burns you up inside, eats away at your souls, and blocks you from any peace and happiness you might otherwise attain.

So, even as you unleash your vitriol on us, we don’t hate you. You’re simply not worth the energy it takes to hate.

We only pity you– feel sorry for you because we know that at your very core- you’re so miserable with your own existence. You’re hopeless to achieve growth and become wiser and better people. And you’re helpless to better your lives.

We’ve already figured out that behind your made-up faces and fancy clothes and hairdos, there’s no substance. There’s no authenticity or anything solid. The only thing behind your weak and shaky facades is only hot air- nothingness- dead space!

You paint yourselves as most valuable, yet you bring no value to the table, only fake humanness, euphemisms, and double-speak. You may glitter and sparkle, but not all that glitters is gold. It’s only fool’s gold.

You tear people down, undermine their creativity, and take credit for their ideas. But only because you aren’t smart enough to be original. I’ll bet you’ve never had an original thought in your entire lives!

You surround yourselves with people who are just like you- coattail hitchhikers who are unable to think for themselves, who’ll jump through a thousand hoops to make “the right people” like and favor them, and who are nothing but followers, drones, lackeys, and patsies. In a nutshell, you’re only losers disguised as winners.

You talk so much garbage, but instead of making us feel bad, you only give us free entertainment- because we know now that talk is cheap- and it’s all you can do.

But you’re right about one thing. We are different from you- absolutely we are. We’re nothing like any of you. And you know what else? We’re proud of it.

People like us don’t need lackeys and followers. We can improvise, adapt to, and overcome anything. And the best part is, we have you to thank for that.

You taught us how to be inventive. We’re creative because we had to be. You taught us how to get around any roadblock or barrier placed in our paths. How? You might ask? You gave us plenty of practice!

You gave us grit– the strength to weather the storms in life, to stay the course, and to gather the wherewithal to live a better and more rewarding life.

You made us more determined to have what we want out of life. In trying to break us down, you only set some of us on our paths to success – and without meaning to!

And now, while you stay in your comfort zones and live mediocre lives, we’re willing to endure a little discomfort to expand our horizons and live extraordinary lives. And it’s finally paying off.

While you followed the latest fads and trends, we were developing those of the future.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us down. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. So, here’s another reason for you to hate us.

And the fun part is, we welcome, even embrace your hatred of us.

And we haven’t even begun yet, we’re only getting started. There’s a lot more to come.

Again. you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. And the best part is, we’re still rising!

Sorry- Oops! Not!

It seems that the finest nurses get the worst rap. Because of their empathy and their love and dedication to the job, they are often the ones who are targeted most by bullies. A nurse’s job is hard enough but when she is bullied by not only superiors and coworkers, but patients and their families too, I can only imagine how much harder she must work to hold it together- especially if he/she is fresh out of nursing school.

When a nurse is bullied, it’s devastating and only goes to show what a thankless job he/she does! And sadly, bullying often starts in nursing school.

There’s a saying that’s been popular for quite a while:

“Nurses eat their young.”

Sadly, it’s true and most likely the reason the medical field has such a shortage of nurses. And that problem existed way before the pandemic.

If you’ve ever been through nursing school, then you know it’s not only boot camp for your brain, but also a cesspool of bullies. Not that all nurses are bullies because they’re not. We have some fine nurses and they are our heroes! But sadly, the bullies seem to spoil it for all these wonderful people!

It’s shocking that there are bullies in a profession which is centered on care and healing and pride’s itself on compassion and empathy. Yet many students who’d be awesome nurses are often bullied out by those who are only in it for the great pay and prestige they know will come with being a nurse.

And in the workplace, the handful of bullies often make it hard for the greatest nurses in the field!

In 2013, I began training to become an RN. And I won’t pretend that it wasn’t tough. Although there were a few times when a few attempted to bully me, I managed to blow it off and after a few times, they left me alone.

However, there was another woman, a young girl who was just a few years post-high school. I had the displeasure of watching her get tormented by the other students. And they would bully her to the point of tears! Even the instructors mistreated her. My heart broke for her. We’ll call her McKinley.

McKinley was young, a vibrant and gorgeous lady! And beautiful! So beautiful that she could’ve easily been a face on a magazine cover!

I’m not kidding. This young lady had movie-star looks- a trim waist, long beautiful hair, wide, almond-shaped eyes, and a natural sun-kissed glow! And these spiteful older women in the staff seemed to target her every chance they got, which sent the message to the other students that it was okay for them to bully her too.

Bullies only ruin any profession they seek.

What was really shocking was that the two main bullies in the class would cheat on tests and when the rest of the class reported them, they were allowed to get away with it because, conveniently, the cameras in the classroom weren’t working or so it was told. And would you believe these instructors made sure the cheaters went on to graduate?

It’s funny how those two seemed to get a free pass. But you can bet that if they’d accused sweet McKinley of the same, they wouldn’t have thought twice about kicking her out of the nursing program!

Lucky for me, I still remember the cheater’s names and will know who to watch out for in the event I get sick and end up in a hospital bed.

As I continued to watch McKinley get berated, I grew both sad and angry at the same time. So, I decided to befriend her and immediately took her under my wing, giving her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when she needed it.

Great illustration of Retro Styled Businesswoman who caught up in a bureaucratic Spiders Web and looks like she is on the menu of a business lunch.

Having been bullied in the past and knowing well how it felt, I bore this child’s pain! She soon became “my daughter from another mother” and through the rest of the semester, McKinley and I were inseparable.

I never went back after that semester. This experience made me realize that this wasn’t really what I wanted to do. McKinley dropped out the following semester.

She and I remain friends to this day and I’m excited to say, she’s happy! McKinley has moved on to a better life. Having since gotten married and had two children. She’s also moved on to another career, one she enjoys!

McKinley now has the job, family, and home she’s always wanted and I couldn’t be more proud of her. And I have no doubt she will continue to make her surrogate mother proud!

Reminder:
Don’t forget to pray from all the great nurses and other healthcare workers during this crisis! They not only put themselves but their families at risk! Pray that God will form a hedge of protection around them and bless them with staying healthy as they continue to put in long hours and help those who are stricken with Coronavirus.

Also, pray that God bless the nurses who left their jobs because they chose to keep sovereignty over their own bodies.

We have a Constitution and a Nuremberg Code which each states that no one should be coerced into taking an “experimental” shot. Taking it should be a personal choice only.

I respect these nurses decisions and their autonomy.

If you’re a target of bullying, do you ever wonder how some bullies are able to lie so convincingly and turn everyone against you?

It’s because these bullies are master wordsmiths. But let’s delve a little deeper. What makes them so good at wordsmithing? How is it that their words seem to have a hypnotic effect on your friends, associates, teachers, and supervisors?

Here are your answers:

1. They use loaded words and language. Good or bad, loaded language appeals to or triggers other’s emotions. And when emotions are high, the logic goes right out the window! Sadly, most people are ruled by their emotions and bullies instinctively know this. They may have learned by watching and listening to others at home or a maybe they’ve done a lot of reading you don’t know about

2. They make off-hand comments. Offhand comments can be taken in many different ways and are interpreted based on the perception of the person you’re talking to. These types of remarks often sound innocent but are meant to be highly insulting, which makes them so easily deniable.

3. They are good at taking your words out of context. And they do this deliberately to use them against you. The intended meaning behind your words won’t matter because these bullies will twist and spin them any and every which way to fit their narratives.

4. They ask “gotcha questions.” Many times, bullies will get you in front of bystanders and people in authority. They’ll then ask you questions that are designed to trap you into giving answers that may damage your credibility and reputation.

It’s these types of bullies you should avoid at all costs. And if you can’t avoid them, find a way to learn how to counter these monsters because they can do real damage if you don’t defend yourself against them.

“I could never be that desperate and you could never be that lucky.”

That was my comeback to a group of male bullies after one called out to me as I walked past them, “Hey! My buddy says he’s madly in love with you!” Being in the seventh grade and the smartass that I was, I made sure not to miss a chance to deliver a snappy and scathing one-liner to someone acting like a total arse.

I knew that this was his cowardly way of instigating a conflict between me and his buddy, then standing back, at a safe distance to watch. It was also his way of baiting his buddy into insulting me in front of everyone and getting his kicks from my humiliation. Only it backfired in his face.

Those that heard it either shouted, “BURN!” and laughed at the boys, or scowled at me and reminded me of how I’d “stooped just as low as them”, by countering with such a scathing return-fire.

Why am I telling you this story, you may wonder? It’s to make a point.

And my point is that sometimes, you have to go just as low as the bullies- you must not be afraid to get down and dirty and you mustn’t care what anyone else thinks about it.

Understand that with bullies, sometimes there’s no being polite and no being the bigger person. There’s no such thing as “playing fair” nor being nice about it.

Bullies don’t comprehend the meaning of class or couth. They don’t understand morals and scruples. They have no concept of decency and respectability. The only language bullies understand is a language that is cheap, tacky, and unsavory.

Bullies (and anyone who is even remotely impressed by them) are a dime a dozen. They really are. And sometimes you must speak in the only language they understand before they’ll get the message and back the hell off!

I understand your discomfort with this. It sucks when you must get down and wallow in the bullies’ foulness and filth with them. But for purposes of self-preservation, sometimes there’s no other choice but to lower your own moral standards.

The good news is that you don’t have to stay in the mud but only reserve the nastiness for emergencies like the one in the above story.