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Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

Loving yourself in an environment that hates you is one of the biggest challenges you face when people constantly bully you. However, you can do it! Here’s how to love yourself in the middle of bullying so that you can emerge from it with your self-esteem and mental health intact.

loving yourself in an environment that hates you

Loving yourself can be challenging when people target you for bullying. How can you feel good about yourself when the only thing you hear from others is negativity?

In this post you will learn all about ways of loving yourself in an environment that hates you. In that, you will learn ways to do it so that you can come away from bullying with a healthy self-esteem.

Once you learn all about this life-saving information, you will be able to come through any abuse with minimal damage to your mental health and move on to a happy and productive life.

This post is all about loving yourself in an environment that hates you so that you can come through bullying with your confidence, self-esteem, and mental health intact.

Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

People constantly bombarding you with ugly names, cruel taunts and attacks, even for a short time, makes life harder than it should be.

Moreover, after a long period of time, it can have a cumulative and devastating effect on your self-esteem. And if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited bullies tell you.

Nevertheless, no matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love. Why? Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

Here are ways to keep loving yourself when everyone bullies you.

1. Make positive affirmations every day, several times a day.

In other words, look at yourself in the mirror each morning and say these words to yourself:

  • “I AM a good person.”
  • “I AM worthy of being loved.”
  • “I AM beautiful.”
  • “I AM important.”
  • “I AM smart.”

The more you give yourself positive affirmations, the more they will stick and the more you’ll believe it even if others try to bring you down. This is how you shield your precious mind from bullies who wish to destroy it.

Understand that you must do what you must do to maintain your self-esteem. Never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can love and respect you. Also, you must take care of YOU. Therefore, love yourself enough to give yourself compassion when others mistreat you.

2. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Be willing to make difficult, even heartbreaking decisions.

You must command respect and love from others, including toxic family members that you love dearly. And be willing to make some very difficult decisions in order to either receive that love and respect or get rid of toxic people who refuse to give it to you.

Sometimes, you have to walk away for people you love and care about. And you must do it knowing full well that there is always a chance that they may never see your worth.

Moreover, this means coming to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

However, there is a strong chance that your value will go up in that person’s eyes. And they will eventually see your worth and treat you better than you ever thought possible. It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take up to several years, but it can happen.

But! If by chance, it doesn’t happen, realize that you did not turn your back on the person because you did not love them. You did it only because they did not love you enough to treat you with the love and respect that you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve.

You must love yourself or nobody will love you. Never look outside of yourself for love and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

That means loving yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go.

3. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Stop Caring what people think of you.

No lie. This can be hard to do, especially if the people around you hate you and are bullying you. Loving yourself in a room full of people who hate you takes a mountain of hard work.

In other words, it’s real tough to do when all you hear from everyone is:

  • “You aren’t worth a damn!”
  • “You suck!”
  • “You’re a drain on society!”
  • “You’ll never amount to a hill of beans!”

I understand. If you hear that long enough and from enough people, it can break your spirit if you let it. And how you refuse to let it get to you is to see it for what it is- noise pollution!

This is why it’s so important to stop giving a tinker’s damn what anyone thinks of you. At the end of the day, what they think of you doesn’t matter.

Here’s another thing to think about. The weight a person’s opinions carry depends on their relationship with you. In other words, you give the most value to the opinions of the people who are closest to you. The ones who love and care for you.

However, the opinions of those who are out to hurt you carry the least weight. Therefore, you don’t have to place in value on the opinions of enemies, bullies, and haters.

To get offended by someone’s opinion, you must first value their opinions. Therefore, don’t give any value to things that have none.

In other words, refuse to let the incendiary remarks of a bully get to you.

4. Give yourself permission to be yourself.

That means be the authentically beautiful person you were born to be. Moreover, do it even if others don’t like it. Understand that most people are fake and they won’t like it when you relax and be yourself. Why? Because you’re their complete opposite.

Also, giving yourself permission to be yourself means knowing it’s okay to have needs, wants, and desires. Moreover, it’s okay to express those desires.

Other people might ridicule or reprimand you for asking for what you want. However, pay these people no mind and just do your thing. They’ll get over it eventually.

5. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Train your inner voice to speak lovingly to you.

You do this through practice and patience. If that inner critic starts putting you down, catch it when it happens. Then turn the negative words into words of love.

Therefore, when you do this for long enough, that voice will begin to love you unconditionally.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Understand that we’re all on different paths. Some have smooth paths and others paths are rougher. However, never compare your life with theirs.

Look for the blessings in your life and be proud of who you are.

7. Give yourself permission to walk away from drama.

When bullies begin running their mouths, sometimes it’s best to just walk away and leave them standing there. Understand that you have a right not to deal with drama.

Moreover, expect your bullies to ridicule you for choosing to remove yourself. They may accuse you of being to scared to face them. However, know that it’s not out of fear that you do so, it’s out of smarts and self-care.

Therefore, realize that it’s okay to leave if you’re in an environment where you aren’t valued.

8. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

Everyone makes mistakes. However, not everyone has bullies who constantly shame them for it or remind them of past errors.

This is proof that your mistakes are no worse than the ones others make. Your bullies may make it seem like they are. But they aren’t. Therefore, you’re no worse than anyone else.

Continue to love and value yourself anyway, despite what others may say or think.

9. Know that it’s okay if people get angry with you.

In other words, if people get angry at you for taking care of yourself, that’s your cue that they don’t deserve to be in your life and you should ditch these creeps and move on.

Don’t let their anger discourage you from doing what’s best for yourself. Because you’re the only one who must live your life. Therefore, make your life the best life you can make it.

And to hell with what anyone else thinks!

10. Realize that you can’t control how others think, feel, or behave.

Another person’s behavior is beyond your control. Therefore, give up the urge to control the way others act toward you. Why? Because it’s impossible and it’s a waste of your time and energy.

You can never control how others view you. Moreover, you can’t control what people say to you and how they act toward you.

However, what you can control is how you behave. In other words, you can control how you respond to the behavior of bullies and other idiots who try to steal your joy.

And, most importantly, you have a choice whether to keep associating with these losers and keep them in your life. Therefore, give them the boot if possible.

You don’t need them around.

11. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

See your bullies’ drivel for what it is – a bunch of noise!

Loving yourself in the face of bullying is revolutionary!

Therefore, you must drown out all the hot air and noise pollution your bullies emit. And you must see it for what it is. How do you do that?

  •  You do it by seeing your bullies for the creeps they truly are.
  • You do it by understanding where all their vitriol comes from.
  • Also, you do it by thinking good thoughts of yourself and reminding yourself of your good qualities.
  • And you do it by reminding yourself what a bunch of pathetic losers your bullies truly are.

Therefore, keep training your brain to think highly of yourself, even when nobody else thinks lowly of you. It’s the greatest act of rebellion against bullies!

Again, see it for what it is. The judgements and verbal abuse you consistently hear from the cowardly creeps around you, is nothing but a bunch of racket. In other words, it’s noise pollution!

When you’re determined like yourself when others don’t, you refuse to let bullies get into your head.

Moreover, you train your brain to filter out the negative comments that serve no purpose but to damage your self-esteem. Also, you silence that inner critic that would otherwise nag you night and day.

And here’s the best part! When you love and accept yourself, others outside the bullying environment will likely accept you. In other words, strangers who have no history with you will be inclined to also love and accept you.

No, your bullies and abusers won’t like or love you even if you love yourself. But who cares about them?

Therefore, you must love yourself in spite of what others think of you. You will be surprised at how it protects your self-esteem. When you work to feel good about yourself, even while bullies are trying to tear you down, it will work as a buffer to the psychological attacks they launch.

You may come out of it bruised, but not broken.

Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You:

Learn to Love the Person You’re Stuck with For Life- You!

There’s no getting away from it, bucko! You can never run from yourself. You are confined to yourself and will take this person with you wherever you go.

Therefore, would you rather be stuck for the rest of your life with someone you love or someone you hate?

This post was all about the importance of loving yourself in an environment that hates you so that you’ll be able to buffer yourself against the attacks of bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

2. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

3. Never Chase People Who Don’t See Your Worth

4. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

5. How to Have Self-Respect: 7 Powerful Ways to Treat Yourself Well

benefits of self-love meditation

Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

‘Want to know the benefits of self-love so that you’ll be compelled to practice it and better your life? Here are all the reasons to love yourself in any situation.

benefits of self-love

Many times, you may have allowed bullying to shoot down your confidence. Moreover, you’ve heard critical and debasing voices of the people around you when you were growing up.

Moreover, they conditioned you to take it as truth. You were an innocent person who ended up internalizing the bad stuff that happened to you. Even worse, you mistook them as confirmation that you’re unlovable.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the benefits of self-love and why it’s so important that you love yourself.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be more inclined to begin practicing self-love so that you can take back your power and change your life for the better.

This post is all about the benefits of self-love to let you know that once you begin to love yourself, life can only get better.

Benefits of Self-Love

When people bully you from everywhere, they will often try to convince you that you’re no good and that no one should love you. Moreover, they may use your past mistakes to convince you that you should hate yourself. But, listen up!

You must realize that the devil is the author of lies and a good liar always uses the past to convince you that their lies are the truth. They tell you that you’re unworthy, that you’re bad, that you’ll never amount to a hill of beans.

However, understand that it’s all lies.

You must Love the person you’re stuck with.

I’m not a shrink. I’m not even a mental health professional. However, what I’m suggesting here is just common sense. Wouldn’t it make sense to love the only person you’re stuck with 24/7, rather than to hate them? Sure, it would.

Therefore, it’s so important that you don’t let bullies convince you to hate yourself. Never let someone else use you as their personal toxic waste dump. Never allow yourself to be a dumping ground for their baggage.

I won’t kid you here. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. It’s going to take a lot of inner work and you will have to invest a lot of time and energy at first.

Moreover, there will be times when your mind will fight against you. You fall short but get back up and keep at it! It will be so worth it in the end. Know that YOU are worth it!

Again, learn to love the one person you’re stuck with. Love the one person you can never, even for a second, get away from- yourself!

Therefore, love the person you’re stuck with!

Benefits of Self-Love:

Self-love isn’t selfish.

 Here is the difference between self-love and selfishness.

Self-love is caring for yourself without taking advantage of other people. Selfishness, on the other hand, involves taking something from others without caring about them.

Therefore, self-love isn’t selfish, it’s essential! It’s a must for your health. And when you suffer bullying, it’s a brave act of rebellion. In fact, it’s a revolutionary act when bullies have turned everyone against you.

If you don’t love yourself no matter your circumstances, it can have negative consequences later. So, it’s so important that you do! And do it no matter how others feel about it.

Granted, this is easier said than done, especially when you’re a target of relentless bullying. It takes a conscious effort and a lot of work to keep their garbage from affecting your mental health. But realize that you’re worth the investment. I promise you.

And if it gets overwhelming, there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy. We all need a little help sometimes. Also, there’s nothing wrong with leaving the environment either. Do whatever you must do to preserve your peace.

If you choose the first option, know that it doesn’t mean you’re “mentally imbalanced.” Therefore, realize that ignorant people tell you these things to make you seem that way. Why? Because it helps them to distract others from their own mental and emotional issues.

If you choose the latter, know that you’re not running away. You’re removing yourself from a bad place that’s no good for you. That’s not being chicken or wimping out. It’s called self-care.

And naturally, when you love someone, you’ll protect and take care of them. Therefore, take care of yourself.

What are the benefits of self-Love?

1. You treat your mind and body better.

In other words, you treat them with care and respect. You feed your body what it needs. You minimize the junk food in your diet. Moreover, you exercise to make your body stronger.

Also, you go on nature walks and spend time outside rather than shutting yourself inside the house all day. There’s nothing like being outdoors and enjoying some sunlight and a cool breeze. You’d be surprised at how much better it makes you feel.

It means feeding your mind as well- reading personal development books (or a good mystery novel), meditating, and praying.

Most importantly, it means you stop criticizing yourself and listening to that toxic voice that says you’re not good enough. You might not completely get rid of your inner critic, but you won’t give it nearly as much airtime as you once did.

So, fall in love with yourself and break up with the voices that tell you that you’re not worthy. Banish them forever because those voices are nasty.

They’re old, stale, and they stink like yesterday’s trash! Moreover, they’ve been telling you the same worn out lies for years. You’d think we’d get bored hearing the same old crap from them after so long.

Therefore, instead of listening to the voice of that nasty inner bully, replace it with a voice of love. Anything else is just noise pollution!

This is how you prioritize your physical and mental well-being.

2. You don’t worry about mistakes.

When you love yourself fully and completely, you allow yourself to make mistakes and use them to learn and grow.

3. Benefits of Self-Love:

You only apologize when it’s necessary.

In other words, you don’t give apologies for things that don’t warrant them. No. You only allow yourself to apologize when appropriate.

Put simpler, you won’t be sorry for being yourself, nor the way you feel. And, anyone who tells you otherwise, you’ll only blow them off with a “whatever” and keep it moving.

4. You embrace your flaws.

You’ll embrace the imperfections you cannot change and improve on the ones you can.

5. You only accept healthy relationships.

You give your time and energy to only people who truly love you and want best for  you. Why? Because you realize that they are the only people who matter.

Moreover, you’ll feel more worthy of healthier people and let go of the people who use, abuse, and neglect you.

6. You believe in yourself.

You’re a go-getter and begin going after your dreams. Why? Because you truly believe you can achieve them. Moreover, you believe you’re worthy of success and that nothing short of an act of God can stop you.

7. Benefits of Self-Love:

Toxic people will disappear from your life.

In other words, toxic people will avoid you like the plague. Why? Because they won’t want to mess with you. On the other hand, healthy people will be drawn to you like a magnet.

Why? Because the high quality people will sense the love within you and treat you with love and respect. Even your finances and lifestyle will go up!

8. You’re open to learning new things.

You’ll invite positive changes by learning, improving, and growing. You won’t change who you are but only become a better version of yourself. Moreover, you’ll enjoy your journey to self-betterment.

9. You stop settling for crappy treatment.

Understand that we accept what we think we deserve out of life. If you loathe yourself, you’ll accept drama in your life and toxic relationships. Therefore, you’ll stay in environments that aren’t good for you.

You’ll allow people to wipe their feet all over you and you’ll lose sight of your goals and dreams. In short, you’ll settle for less. As a result, you’ll get even less than what you settle for.

On the other hand, once you begin loving yourself, you stop settling for shoddy treatment. Moreover, you distance yourself from people who mean you no good.

In getting rid of toxic people, you stop treating yourself badly.

10. Benefits of Self-love:

You do the things that make you feel alive.

For example, you might go for a walk on a warm spring morning. Maybe you love sitting in your backyard swing and watching the sunrise. Or, you might spend the day lying on the beach.

Also, you may have projects you enjoy, like writing or playing music. Whatever makes you feel good, do it! Do everything that feeds your heart and soul!

11. You look for the glimmers.

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers. They’re those tiny, beautiful, but fleeting moments that make you feel safe, happy and calm. Glimmers instantly fill you with hope! And the best part is that they’re so easy to find. They’re everywhere!

Therefore, if you look for the glimmers, you’ll find more and more of them. For example, watching a shooting star can be a glimmer. A cool breeze on a warm spring day is a glimmer.

Other things like seeing fireflies at night or watching the leaves change colors during Autumn are glimmers. Therefore, learn to look for the glimmers in life and you’ll soon see them all the time!

And, believe it or not, they can help you heal from bullying and other traumas. So, catch every glimmer you possible can!

12. You reduce depression and anxiety.

Self-love automatically reduces depression and anxiety. Why? Because, when you love yourself, you don’t concern yourself with other people’s opinions. Put another way, you could care less what people think of you, good or bad.

But wait! Here’s another thing! You don’t worry as much about outcomes either. You’re more willing to go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may.

Therefore, you’re much calmer and more relaxed.

13. Benefits of Self-Love:

You Improve Your Self-Esteem.

Self-love helps you feel confident and to have more respect for yourself. And when you’re confident, you’re more likely to meet new people and make friends.

Moreover, self-love is a good motivator. It motivates you to do the work required to improve yourself and your situation.

Self-love can bring you so many benefits. So, why not begin practicing it today?

This post was all about the benefits of self-love to motivate you to begin loving yourself so that you can cash in on those benefits!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Benefits of Setting Boundaries

4. Benefits of Positive Thinking: 6 Positive Changes You’ll See

5. When You Start Seeing Your Worth, 17 Amazing Changes Happen.

How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

‘Want to know how to spot fake friends and remove any confusion of whether the friendship is real? Here are 5 tried and true ways to trick them into exposing themselves.

how to spot fake friends

Do you have friends who seem to run hot and cold on you? Do they leave you confused as to whether or not their friendship is real?

In this post, you will learn how to spot fake friends by using these easy methods to make them come clean. And the best part is, they won’t even realize they’ve outed themselves until it’s too late.

Once you learn these simple tactics, you will remove any confusion and see these snakes exactly for who they are. Then you will know to ditch these people and move on with your life.

This post is all about how to spot fake friends, get rid of them once and for all, and restore not only your peace, but also your dignity and self-respect.

How to spot fake friends

At some point in our lives, we’ve all put up with fake friends who cunningly tried to hold us back. These are people who very stealthily undermined our confidence and disrupted your peace.

However, fake friends can be hard to spot if you aren’t paying attention. On the outside, they can look like they’re really in your corner when they’re really only in your business. They may seem like they want you to win when, deep down inside, they hope you crash and burn.

For instance, narcissists are masters at duping unsuspecting people into befriending them, having a relationship with them, and even marrying them.

If you’re a victim or target of bullying, then you are all the more susceptible to being taken in by these social chameleons.

Why? Because chances are that bullies have defamed you so severely that friends have turned their backs on you and making new friends has become difficult, if not impossible.

And now, the isolation you feel is so intense that you’ll befriend anyone who smiles at you. In other words, you’re vulnerable.

Know that this is a recipe for disaster!

Here’s How to Spot Fake Friends

Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries, and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

1. Be Yourself.

Too many people put on fake personas to sucker you in and get what they want from you. Therefore, whenever you’re confused about a friend’s intentions, you may have to conduct a test to see if the person really is your friend.

This can be difficult to do, especially if you’re a victim of bullying because you’re afraid of rocking the boat and pissing the person off.

However, you must realize that, if you’re a target of bullying, chances are good that most of your friends aren’t really for you. They only act like they are to either get something from you, or they tolerate you because they feel sorry for you.

You must realize that people like these can reek lots of havoc in your life if you aren’t careful! They can turn on you at any moment, stab you in the back, and disappear when your bullies come for you.

Therefore, for your own sake, give these fakers the boot!

Like Attracts Like

To put it plainly, when you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! However, when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake.

Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because truth and reality scare them to death!

Therefore, never be afraid to start being your true, authentic self. It exposes imposters without them even realizing it because they will react very harshly.

It is through their brutal reactions that these people expose themselves.

2. How to Spot Fake Friends: Set Boundaries.

This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people.

However, don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset!

Therefore, you will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

However, understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any.

Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

3. Say no.

Saying no is difficult because it involves risk. However, it’s one of the ways you practice self-care. Moreover, it’s how you expose fake people in your life.

You see? When you tell a real friend no and explain why you won’t or can’t. They will understand and keep the friendship alive.

However, tell a fake friend no and they’re either get angry and lash out, or try to manipulate you into changing your mind.

Again, this is how you get them to show themselves as they truly are. Also, it’s the prerequisite to weeding out the fakers.

And when you make imposters expose themselves through their behavior, you instantly know who to kick out of your life and who to keep around.

Therefore, this is a good thing!

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: Succeed at something.

One way to flush out the fakes is to accomplish something. In other words, win at something.

For example, you win fifty thousand dollars in a contest, or publish a book and make the international best seller list. The money begins rolling in.

You can bet that the majority of your friends will be jealous and resentful. Many may turn on you and accuse you of cheating in the contest.

Maybe a few people you thought were friends suddenly stop talking to you or act cold toward you after you reap huge financial rewards for your best selling novel.

However, don’t feel bad. Although it may hurt, it may even break your heart, see it for what it is. These people are only showing their true colors.

Listen to them and do what you need to do to cut off contact because they were never truly in your corner to begin with.

 Know that real friends are happy for you. They cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy. These people celebrate your wins with you.

5. Speak and Stand in Your Truth.

When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. Moreover, you’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but failed to stop it.

Sadly, even a few you thought were with you will suddenly turn their backs on you.

However, see this as your clue to which friends to keep and which to let go. Again, this is how fake friends expose themselves and their intentions toward you.

6. How to Spot Fake Friends: Ask for help with something.

It’s one thing when friends can’t help you on a particular day you need it. Maybe the friend’s mother or their child suddenly became sick and the friend had to take them to the hospital or doctor’s office.

Also,  your friend who had the day off to help you was suddenly called into work. Naturally, these situations are understandable and you should graciously respect that.

However, if your friend has a long record of either making excuses as to why they can’t be there for you, they stand you up without calling you to let you no, or they just disappear every time you’re in a jam, that’s a red flag.

Again, their actions and reactions tell you everything you need to know. Therefore, pay attention and see this as your cue to make changes in the friendship that you need to make.

7. Just Watch and Listen.

Many times, all it takes is just to watch and listen.

In other words, notice how they carry themselves and how they talk and act. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn by observing and listening.

Let’s break it down. If you catch them talking bad about another of their friends, stabbing them in the back, you can be sure they’re talking about you behind yours.

Moreover, if you notice that you only see them when things are going good in your life, then when you’re flat on your back, they seem to disappear, that’s another red flag. You don’t need fair weather friends.

If they’re into drama or always come around when they need something, this is a bad sign as well.

This last one is a biggie! If they’re quick to believe the lies and smears your bullies spread about you, then they’re definitely not friends!

It pays to choose your friends wisely.

This Post Was about how to spot fake friends so that you can get rid of them and take back your peace and dignity.

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Removing Toxic People: 5 Successful Ways to Give Them the Boot

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

People Pleaser Test: 4 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser

‘Want to take a people pleaser test to know the difference between kindness and people-pleasing behavior?

people pleaser test

Kindness is always good. If people target you for bullying and you maintain your kindness, this is even better and shows your strength of character. However, two many people confuse kindness with people-pleasing behavior. This people pleasing test will help you to know the difference.

In this post, you will learn how to distinguish between kindness and people-pleasing acts.

Once you learn the difference between the two, you will be able to extend your kindness only to those who are worthy of it, those who reciprocate the same to you. Moreover, it will help you to better protect yourself from people who take your kindness for weakness.

This post is all about taking the people pleaser test to determine if people are likely to respect your kindness or expect it.

Introducing, The People PLeaser Test

Many people, especially targets of bullying, will have an overwhelming urge to people-please. This is not to say that they’re bad people for doing it. However, it is unhealthy because what these targets are doing is not only counterproductive, it’s self-destructive.

4 Signs YOu’re A People-Pleaser

1. You Extend Kindness and Do for Others Out of fear of being harmed and for self-preservation.

The fear of being harmed is the most common motivator here. Moreover, it’s natural for people to do things against their own wishes and at the behest of an entity more powerful to save themselves from harm. It’s a survival mechanism.

The sad thing is that, though the behavior may protect them for the time being, it will not keep bullies from hurting them later on, down the road. So, does people-pleasing behavior actually work? No.

Consequently, what it does is bring about more bullying. It also entices bystanders who witness it to begin using and abusing you also. Why? Because, if the bullies are doing it and getting the benefits from it, then why shouldn’t they do it too and get those same benefits?

This is what most bystanders will think.

Therefore, you should say no when you don’t want to do something and reserve your kindness to those who return it. Those are the people who deserve it.

“Oh, but they’ll hurt me!” or “They’ll bully me even worse!”

They’re going to do that anyway, if they don’t already. So, why waste your time trying to appease those you can never appease?

2. People Pleaser Test: You do Your Good Deeds Out of A desire for approval and to be liked.

First off, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. It’s a natural, hardwired human need that we all have. However, the problem comes when that’s all you focus on.

Targets of bullying want to be likeable because they think it will protect them and keep them safe. Again, nothing wrong with it. As I stated earlier, it only does the opposite.

Another sad thing is that victims think that the only way to likeability is to be agreeable with everyone. The problem is that you can never be agreeable one hundred percent of the time. It’s just not humanly possible.

Moreover, being too agreeable can have the opposite results of what you’re aiming for. Being too agreeable can cause you to lose respect and for others to see you as a pushover! Yikes!

There are times when it just isn’t smart to be “likeable.” Sometimes you must, in a sense, kick a little bit of booty.

So, how do you train your brain to avoid this behavior?

You start by asking yourself these questions:

1. Do you do it to get approval and be liked?

2. Is your people-pleasing a way to get others to validate you?

3. Do you people-please because you feel you need to prove your worth to people?

4. Do you do it because you want to be accepted or included?

5. Are you attracting users and abusers by this behavior?

6. Are you doing it out of fear?

This is how you’ll get your answer.

There’s nothing wrong with being good to people and helping them out. However, you can do it for the wrong reasons. As a result, you can find yourself getting the opposite of what you want out of it.

For instance, you may attract those who only use and abuse you. Understand that bullies and other such unsavory people will sniff you out. And they’ll use you for their own ends. Therefore, this is why people-pleasing is never good.

3. You Extend Kindness to Prove Your Worth.

Understand this, you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. Worth doesn’t have to be proven. If it’s there, it’s there. People may or may not see it, but it’s still there. It’s up to you to feel worthy.

Your worth is like the wind. You can’t see the wind with your eyes when it blows, but it’s there because you can feel it. Therefore, you see the wind by feeling it.

It’s the same with your worth. See your worth by feeling worthy. Only you can determine what your worth is. Others may think that they can decide it but they can’t. Self-worth always comes from within, never from without.

Therefore, stop trying to prove yourself. Stop bending yourself into a pretzel to seek approval. Decide right now that you don’t need approval from others, especially those who use and abuse you. Their approval, you absolutely DO NOT need. Screw ’em!

4. You Feel Like No One Appreciates you.

If ever you feel like no one appreciates the efforts you go to to make them comfortable, this is how you’ll know to begin making changes. Therefore, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do these people treat me with respect?

If they disrespect you, it’s time to cut these people out of your life for good!

2. Are these people only nice to me when they want something?

This is a huge red flag here. Anytime someone is only nice when they need something from you, it’s a sign that you should get rid of this person.

3. Do they return the favor sometimes?

Give and take, 50-50, is not required. Also, it’s an impossibility. In the best of relationships and friendships, there will be times when you will give more and the other party will give less. On the other hand, the time will come when they give more and you’ll give less.

Therefore, this is not to say that you should constantly keep score. Keeping score is just as bad. However, if they use and abuse you, you might want to reconsider even having those types of people around. Period.

Undue Value and Worth

Basic human value is one thing. Every human being on earth in entitled to basic human value. However, anything above that, they must earn. Worth is not something you should ever give away freely.

Never give your bullies or anyone who abuses or uses you anything they haven’t earned from you. And that includes your respect, your time, your friendship, and your consideration.

In short, never give anyone anything that isn’t reciprocated. For instance, if you’re polite to someone and they take that for weakness and treat you like dirt, then you should drop this person like a bad habit!

You don’t have to treat them like crap, but you don’t have to have anymore to do with them either. Again, you shouldn’t care about trying to please people who judge you and who hate you, because it’s a waste of time.

No. It won’t be easy to rewire your brain and break this bad habit. Learned behavior is not only difficult to change, but it takes time, sometimes years. However, it can be done.

People Pleaser Test: It’s Not ABout The Acts of Kindness, It’s the Motivation Behind Them.

This test doesn’t require you to examine your good deeds. However, it does suggest examining your motives for doing so. This is how you find out whether you do your good out of kindness or an impulse to please people.

So, stop trying to seek approval from these people. Cease trying to be friends with them. Stop wasting so much for your precious energy on people who aren’t worth your consideration.

Remember, they hate you. And to bend over backwards trying to prove yourself to them and get their approval is a waste of your time and energy. They’re just aren’t worth it.

How you put a stop to this is to simply stop overextending yourself, especially for those who don’t appreciate you and don’t care. It’s that simple.

You prioritize your needs and begin meeting your needs first. Others can wait. That is, unless they’re your sick, elder mother or your six-month-old baby who needs you. But, you get the point.

The people who use and abuse you do not deserve one nano second of your time and aren’t even worth your consideration.

You’re worth more than they know and you deserve better.

This post was all about the people pleaser test to help you make your needs a priority and to cut off those who use your good deeds to use you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

How Do Bullies Pick Their Victims? Here are Your Answers.

How do bullies pick their victims? That is the question on every target’s mind. If people constantly bully you and you want the answers as to why they chose you to harass, look no further.

how do bullies pick their victims

Being a victim of bullying can make life much more difficult than it should be. If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably wondering why it is you that bullies are coming for and what you can do about it.

You will learn about all the criteria bullies look for in potential victims.

After learning about this criteria, your answer to the question, “How do bullies pick their victims,” will be answered and you can begin the inner work to become more bully-proof. Also, you will be able to spot other potential victims and stand up for them if you must.

This post will give you all the answers to that nagging question that plagues your mind, “How do bullies pick their victims.”

How do bullies pick their victims?

Before we get into the answers, let’s ask this question.

Have you noticed that bullies always seen to pick the same types of people to target with their bullying?

Bullies pick good people, smart people, people who are creative and seem to be going places. They also pick those who are shy and quiet – introverts.

Moreover, and, perhaps, the saddest of all, they also pick people with medical conditions, the disabled, those with special needs, and those who have some kind of perceived physical defect.

Therefore, in a nutshell, they will either pick those who are much weaker and lower on the social hierarchy or those who pose a threat to their social status or power.

But!

Exactly what criteria do bullies watch closely for in potential victims? In other words and in broader terms, how do bullies pick their victims?

There are several answers. Here’s how:

1. Bullies like to make targets out of people who take responsibility for their lives.

Most targets tend to be good people who follow rules and laws. They understand that rules and laws are in place for a reason- to ensure a safe community and society.

Most targets do not go around blaming others for their actions and behavior. More often than not, targets blame themselves and try to correct their mistakes when they make them.

Therefore, bullies see this and they see these people as easy to manipulate and make feel guilty for their (the bullies’) rotten behavior.

Because these people tend to blame themselves, bullies will blame these people even though it’s the bullies who have the issues. Over time, bullies can condition targets to accept blame for things they have no control over, such as another person’s behavior.

2. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

They pick people who are goal oriented.

This is especially so with workplace and corporate bullies.

Many targets of bullying work hard, are goal-oriented and have a truckload of self-discipline. They know that if you want anything in life, you have to work for it.

Therefore, these victims work like the devil to reach their goals and dreams. Also, they have the utmost perseverance and endurance, which are characteristics that most bullies lack.

This is why many targets mistakenly stay in toxic work environments until they end up with a psychological injury from all the bullying they endure. Bullies select these people to bully because their good traits only reflect back to the bullies their own laziness, inadequacy, and lack of purpose.

Moreover, bullies see these people as threats. Why? Because bullies lack self-discipline, and their relationships are usually superficial, one-sided, and short lived. Therefore, they will pull out all the stops to contain those threats.

Bullies will exploit these people’s perseverance by establishing one-sided friendships, partnerships, and romances with them. Next, they use the push and pull method- going hot and cold, making empty promises and love bombing the person.

The reason they do this to make the victim hold onto the hope that just maybe the bully will give them what they’ve been wanting- acceptance, approval, attention, and praise.

However, the truth is that no matter how much the person tries to better the association, bullies will never be satisfied. They will always find fault with him/her. Understand that one person can never sustain a relationship, friendship, or partnership. It takes effort from both sides!

3. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

Most potential victims of bullying are empaths.

Most targets of bullying are exceptionally empathetic people who like to help humanity. They strive for self-betterment, to empower others, and make a positive difference in the world.

This is a threat to bullies because, again, these are threats to bullies and only reflect back at them their self-centered, attention grabbing, and flawed personalities. In short, empaths force bullies to see themselves for who they truly are.

Therefore, bullies will go all out to make them pay for it.

Also, bullies are masters at gaining sympathy from others. Therefore, they target people with empathy because they assume that they are the perfect to elicit sympathy from.

How bullies extract sympathy from empaths is by pretending to be the real victims.

Moreover, the minds of the bullies, the target is supposed to feel terrible for them because they’ve had such a tough life. And because they (the bullies) have had it so rough, it’s why they behave like they do.

Therefore, the target is made to feel that he/she should just accept the abuse.

Understand that this is a load of bologna. There’s no excuse for being a total heel to people and treating them like garbage.

Also, empaths have difficulty setting boundaries and bullies take full advantage of it. They usually retaliate viciously when the empath finally gets tired of their crap and puts their foot down.

4. Most targets of bullying are people who make plans and think ahead.

Because these people plan carefully and think ahead, they have goals and dreams that come to fruition and relationships that are solid and long lasting. Bullies are highly jealous of this and they desperately seek these people just to tear them down.

 

5. Bullies select people who are givers and not takers.

They love to target people who are people-pleasers and reluctant to ask for help and they select them because they see these people as easy to use and degrade. Because these people have a hard time establishing their boundaries, bullies will violate them at will and to achieve their own sick ends. Understand that bullies are takers and never givers!

 6. “How do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick People who are smart.

Intelligence is a huge threat to bullies. Why? Because a smart person will more than likely see through the bullies’ fake facades and call them out publicly on it.

Also, just their intelligence alone can serve as a mirror and force the bullies to see their own lack of smarts and make them feel inferior. And they will seek to punish the target for that.

Moreover, bullies want to get them before they get the bullies.

targets who appear weaker, slower, and less intelligent

These victims don’t pose as threats to bullies. But because they are seen as having weaknesses and are usually on the lower end of the social hierarchy, bullies seen them as easy targets. Therefore, they will relentlessly harass them too.

This is mostly the case with school bullies, although the popular bullies may pick the students who are confident and are high academic stars.

1. These bullies select people with low self-esteem.

Bullies know these individuals are easy pickings. Why? Because anyone with low self-esteem will be least likely to fight back.

Low self-esteem is easy to spot and bullies are experts at reading people. Bullies will notice the body language of the potential victim.

And sadly, many people who are susceptible to becoming victims give off that “bullied” vibe, or the “victim” vibe. Moreover, they do it through their body language and other nonverbal expressions.

Poor posture, downcast eyes, frown or expressionless face, poor communication, and being too quiet are all signs of low self-esteem.

Bullies see this a mile away and they take full advantage.

 2. Bullies usually pick people whose communication skills need improvement.

If a person’s communication skills are lacking, they will most likely suffer in silence when people violate their boundaries. Bullies rely on the target’s silence so that they can continue to bully the target and cover up their appalling behavior.

3. “how do bullies pick their victims?”

they pick those who are disabled and people with special needs.

Why? Because, sadly, these particular targets are the most vulnerable and least valued in society. Let’s just be truthful here.

In fact, they are virtually defenseless.

The heartbreaking truth is that nine times out of ten, the rest of of society doesn’t see them as human beings. Bullies aren’t stupid. They instinctively know this.

Therefore, should it be any wonder bullies prey on sped students and disabled adults the most?

Bullies are great big cowards and all too often, the disabled and those with special needs are unwilling or unable to defend themselves properly. Because students in special education are usually low on social intelligence, they’re easy to get a reaction from and bullies can exploit this at will.

4. bullies pick those with medical issues.

Of course. People with diseases, such as diabetes and cancer are least able to defend themselves. Bullies love people who can’t defend themselves because they feel the least threatened by them.

Also, they can bully them at will and for as long as they wish. Remember that bullies are entitled little cowards.

this post answered the question, “How do bullies pick their targets.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

4 Reasons Bullies Bring up Your Past

If you are a target of bullying, have you ever noticed that bullies always seem to bring up your past? A past mistake? A record of some kind, such as a police record of vandalism you might have committed when you were seventeen. Maybe you got drunk at a frat party and did a table dance while stripping down to your underwear. Whatever the faux pas might have been, people sure seem to love throwing it in your face.

However, I want you to realize that they do this for several reasons. And if you knew those reasons, you just might end up feeling so much better about yourself.

Therefore, here are 4 reasons bullies bring up your past:

1. Your bullies do it out of jealousy.

A jealous person feels threatened by your good qualities and accomplishments. Your bullies may resent an accomplishment. Also, they could envy a characteristic you’ve recently developed. Maybe you’re becoming more confident lately and they’re jealousy of your confident attitude. You’ve brought your grades up and begun making straight A’s. Or you’ve won that coveted promotion at work. It could be that you’ve gotten an outstanding paying job with one of the top paying companies in town. Nevertheless, they see that you’re evolving and it threatens their power.

Understand that anytime you accomplish something, no matter how small, you will attract a mountain of jealousy your way. However, the best thing to do is to let them go ahead and act out. Realize that they’re doing it out of raw emotion and chances are, they’ll make total fools of themselves.

In other words, when a bully acts out of jealousy, he is unwittingly admitting to you and the other people around him that he feels inferior to you. Remember the quote by Napoleon Bonaparte, “Never interfere with an enemy in the process of destroying himself.

2. Your past is just that – the past.

Realize that we all have pasts, some good and others not so pleasant. We’ve all made mistakes and will continue to make them. There is nothing you can do about the past. What’s done is done and it’s time to forgive yourself and move on. Even if you have others who constantly remind you of the “old you”, you must keep in mind that you’ve changed for the better and that person doesn’t exist anymore.

Moreover, here’s something else to keep in mind. Several celebrities had rough pasts before they became famous. Some came from incarceration, others were addicts or came from poverty. Therefore, never be ashamed of your past. It doesn’t define you, nor does it determine what your future will be.

3. The bullies are getting desperate.

They’re desperate to find something terrible you’ve done or were involved in to sully your reputation. Understand that if they can’t find dirt on you, their next objective is to bring up your past.

4. Your past is the stepping-stone that got you to where you are now.

Whatever you might have done or gotten involved in during your past, you had to go through that phase of your life to get where you are now. It was only a stop along the road that lead you to the place you’re at today. So, don’t be ashamed of it. Be proud of how far you’ve come since.

So, don’t let that shake you. Do not let these people tear you down! Consequently, there are so many people who either live in regret of their pasts, or they let others make them feel bad by reminding them of it. These people can’t seem to move forward because something which happened years ago is holding them back.

Therefore, don’t be one of these people! Know that your past doesn’t determine your future. See this dirty tactic for what it is and see your bullies for who and what they are. They are only jealous and desperate people with low self-esteem and insecurity issues. And the only way they can feel better about themselves is to pee on your victories and bring you down to their level. Pathetic, isn’t it?

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Good Thing That Doesn’t Feel So Good

When you’re able to pick up on the vibes of the people around you, you have a gift. And it can be a godsend to targets of bullying.

Imagine that you’re able to feel other’s energy and sense their moods and auras! It’s great because it warns you ahead of time that negative people are nearby. Therefore, it gives you the cue you need to steer clear of them. In that, it gives you the chance to avoid harm before it happens.

However, the sensations themselves don’t feel good.

In life, there will be many people you meet from whom you’ll pick up some yucky vibes. In other words, you’ll notice that something just doesn’t sit well when you encounter such people. These feelings and sensations are always physical- you usually feel them in your body, most often, your stomach.

In cases like this, your body is like a radio tower that picks up frequencies, and it doesn’t lie.

When you pick up negative vibes, you’ll get that sick feeling in your stomach. Sometimes, you even get that cold, creepy shiver up your spine. You’ll feel as if the hairs are standing up on the back of your neck.

What’s best for you doesn’t always feel or taste good.

Paying attention to these not-so-good feelings is like taking a spoonful of medicine when you’re sick. No, it doesn’t taste good. In fact, many kinds of medicine taste downright nasty. However, if you’ll just hold your nose, put the spoon in your mouth, and swallow the concoction, you’ll feel so much better later.

In other words, if you’ll pay attention to those bad vibes instead of ignoring them, you’ll be able to excuse yourself from the encounter and avoid a potential attack. You’ll also be able to better avoid the suspicious person in the future.

Then, once you’re away from them, you’ll feel so much better, not to mention, safer. Also, you’ll feel so proud of yourself knowing that you likely dodged a bullet.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

1 Way Bullies Eventually Meet Their Karma

They not concerned with facts, only the excitement that the rumors and lies create and the close bonding it brings their group.

Understand that your bullies already know the truth. Oh, yes! They know that you aren’t what they say you are. And they know that they’re lying through their teeth. That’s the sad part. Maybe it’s the reason they stay so angry at you all the time. They hate you because your truth contradicts their lies.

Bullies know that you’re better than what they try to make you out to be. But, here’s the thing.

The truth doesn’t fit their narratives, nor their agenda. So, they’ll become desperate and go out of their way to make the falsehoods look true. Realize that the bullies are benefiting from the ruination of your reputation. And they’ll move Heaven and Earth to keep those benefits.

Your bullies are the ones that have to work so doggone hard because it takes a ton of work to cover up lies and half-truths. Lies tend to have a never-ending chain. They tell the first lie and have to put out a second lie to cover up the first. Then they must lie a third time to cover up the first two lies about you. And on and on it goes. It’s a never-ending chain.

Lies have a way of building and they build so much that it soon becomes hard for the bullies to keep their stories straight. I mean, seriously! After so long and so many lies, who can keep up with all that? They eventually lie themselves into a crack they can’t pull themselves out of.

If you stay calm and play your hand correctly, your bullies will eventually spin themselves into their own web and get stuck in it. So, sit back and watch them fall into the trap of their own making. Even better have lots of pun- oops- fun watching the show!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullies No Longer Scare Me, They BORE Me.

bored

Here’s to not only my bullies from the past, but all bullies in the world today:

If only you had a clue. If only you knew what sniveling cowards you were and still are. If only you realized that some of us are smarter than you think and see right through your veils.

If only you could see what we see behind your pathetic attempts to look bigger, better, and brighter than what you really are. Because if you saw what we see when we look at you, you’d want to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide.

If only you knew that in your feeble attempts to instill fear in and control others through your yelling, screaming, and cursing tirades; or your passive-aggressive dirty looks, scowls, and eye-rolls, you don’t look all-powerful. You only look desperate.

If only you could see that your relentless jockeying for power and control only gives you the appearance of weakness and desperation, not strength and ambition.

Your attacks and threats toward anyone smaller or weaker only expose your own fear and timidity. We know you’d never risk going toe to toe with someone of your equal without being buried where you’d fall. And the sad truth is that you know it too.

You hide from the truth of your inadequacies behind empathetic, ethical, and good-hearted people like us as a baby would hide behind the skirt of its mother from the boogeyman.

Your pitiful attempts to use others as a shield to conceal your flaws and imperfections make you look exactly like what you are- fakes, frauds, and imposters.

Your incessant fakery and false bravado only mean that you’re not to be taken seriously and only evidences your pathetic self-loathing.

Just knowing that you must work so hard and expend so much energy to hide your true selves and keep others down only makes us scoff at you and laugh among ourselves behind your backs because we don’t have to work as you do.

We are quite comfortable at being ourselves, and we can save our energy for use to create our own happiness and success. It’s so sad that you can’t.

Bullies, you truly are pitiful because your hatred for people like us burns you up inside, eats away at your souls, and blocks you from any peace and happiness you might otherwise attain.

So, even as you unleash your vitriol on us, we don’t hate you. You’re simply not worth the energy it takes to hate.

We only pity you– feel sorry for you because we know that at your very core- you’re so miserable with your own existence. You’re hopeless to achieve growth and become wiser and better people. And you’re helpless to better your lives.

We’ve already figured out that behind your made-up faces and fancy clothes and hairdos, there’s no substance. There’s no authenticity or anything solid. The only thing behind your weak and shaky facades is only hot air- nothingness- dead space!

You paint yourselves as most valuable, yet you bring no value to the table, only fake humanness, euphemisms, and double-speak. You may glitter and sparkle, but not all that glitters is gold. It’s only fool’s gold.

You tear people down, undermine their creativity, and take credit for their ideas. But only because you aren’t smart enough to be original. I’ll bet you’ve never had an original thought in your entire lives!

You surround yourselves with people who are just like you- coattail hitchhikers who are unable to think for themselves, who’ll jump through a thousand hoops to make “the right people” like and favor them, and who are nothing but followers, drones, lackeys, and patsies. In a nutshell, you’re only losers disguised as winners.

You talk so much garbage, but instead of making us feel bad, you only give us free entertainment- because we know now that talk is cheap- and it’s all you can do.

But you’re right about one thing. We are different from you- absolutely we are. We’re nothing like any of you. And you know what else? We’re proud of it.

People like us don’t need lackeys and followers. We can improvise, adapt to, and overcome anything. And the best part is, we have you to thank for that.

You taught us how to be inventive. We’re creative because we had to be. You taught us how to get around any roadblock or barrier placed in our paths. How? You might ask? You gave us plenty of practice!

You gave us grit– the strength to weather the storms in life, to stay the course, and to gather the wherewithal to live a better and more rewarding life.

You made us more determined to have what we want out of life. In trying to break us down, you only set some of us on our paths to success – and without meaning to!

And now, while you stay in your comfort zones and live mediocre lives, we’re willing to endure a little discomfort to expand our horizons and live extraordinary lives. And it’s finally paying off.

While you followed the latest fads and trends, we were developing those of the future.

In a nutshell, you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us down. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. So, here’s another reason for you to hate us.

And the fun part is, we welcome, even embrace your hatred of us.

And we haven’t even begun yet, we’re only getting started. There’s a lot more to come.

Again. you may have brought us down, but you couldn’t keep us there. In the end, some of us rose higher than any of you ever could’ve imagined we would. And the best part is, we’re still rising!

Sorry- Oops! Not!

Bullying Rampant in Nursing Schools

It seems that the finest nurses get the worst rap. Because of their empathy and their love and dedication to the job, they are often the ones who are targeted most by bullies. A nurse’s job is hard enough but when she is bullied by not only superiors and coworkers, but patients and their families too, I can only imagine how much harder she must work to hold it together- especially if he/she is fresh out of nursing school.

When a nurse is bullied, it’s devastating and only goes to show what a thankless job he/she does! And sadly, bullying often starts in nursing school.

There’s a saying that’s been popular for quite a while:

“Nurses eat their young.”

Sadly, it’s true and most likely the reason the medical field has such a shortage of nurses. And that problem existed way before the pandemic.

If you’ve ever been through nursing school, then you know it’s not only boot camp for your brain, but also a cesspool of bullies. Not that all nurses are bullies because they’re not. We have some fine nurses and they are our heroes! But sadly, the bullies seem to spoil it for all these wonderful people!

It’s shocking that there are bullies in a profession which is centered on care and healing and pride’s itself on compassion and empathy. Yet many students who’d be awesome nurses are often bullied out by those who are only in it for the great pay and prestige they know will come with being a nurse.

And in the workplace, the handful of bullies often make it hard for the greatest nurses in the field!

In 2013, I began training to become an RN. And I won’t pretend that it wasn’t tough. Although there were a few times when a few attempted to bully me, I managed to blow it off and after a few times, they left me alone.

However, there was another woman, a young girl who was just a few years post-high school. I had the displeasure of watching her get tormented by the other students. And they would bully her to the point of tears! Even the instructors mistreated her. My heart broke for her. We’ll call her McKinley.

McKinley was young, a vibrant and gorgeous lady! And beautiful! So beautiful that she could’ve easily been a face on a magazine cover!

I’m not kidding. This young lady had movie-star looks- a trim waist, long beautiful hair, wide, almond-shaped eyes, and a natural sun-kissed glow! And these spiteful older women in the staff seemed to target her every chance they got, which sent the message to the other students that it was okay for them to bully her too.

Bullies only ruin any profession they seek.

motivational inspirational

What was really shocking was that the two main bullies in the class would cheat on tests and when the rest of the class reported them, they were allowed to get away with it because, conveniently, the cameras in the classroom weren’t working or so it was told. And would you believe these instructors made sure the cheaters went on to graduate?

It’s funny how those two seemed to get a free pass. But you can bet that if they’d accused sweet McKinley of the same, they wouldn’t have thought twice about kicking her out of the nursing program!

Lucky for me, I still remember the cheater’s names and will know who to watch out for in the event I get sick and end up in a hospital bed.

As I continued to watch McKinley get berated, I grew both sad and angry at the same time. So, I decided to befriend her and immediately took her under my wing, giving her a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when she needed it.

Great illustration of Retro Styled Businesswoman who caught up in a bureaucratic Spiders Web and looks like she is on the menu of a business lunch.

Having been bullied in the past and knowing well how it felt, I bore this child’s pain! She soon became “my daughter from another mother” and through the rest of the semester, McKinley and I were inseparable.

I never went back after that semester. This experience made me realize that this wasn’t really what I wanted to do. McKinley dropped out the following semester.

She and I remain friends to this day and I’m excited to say, she’s happy! McKinley has moved on to a better life. Having since gotten married and had two children. She’s also moved on to another career, one she enjoys!

McKinley now has the job, family, and home she’s always wanted and I couldn’t be more proud of her. And I have no doubt she will continue to make her surrogate mother proud!

Reminder:
Don’t forget to pray from all the great nurses and other healthcare workers during this crisis! They not only put themselves but their families at risk! Pray that God will form a hedge of protection around them and bless them with staying healthy as they continue to put in long hours and help those who are stricken with Coronavirus.

Also, pray that God bless the nurses who left their jobs because they chose to keep sovereignty over their own bodies.

We have a Constitution and a Nuremberg Code which each states that no one should be coerced into taking an “experimental” shot. Taking it should be a personal choice only.

I respect these nurses decisions and their autonomy.

Bullies Who Are Master Wordsmiths: 4 Reasons Their Words Have a Hypnotic Effect on Your Friends, Associates, and Superiors

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If you’re a target of bullying, do you ever wonder how some bullies are able to lie so convincingly and turn everyone against you?

It’s because these bullies are master wordsmiths. But let’s delve a little deeper. What makes them so good at wordsmithing? How is it that their words seem to have a hypnotic effect on your friends, associates, teachers, and supervisors?

Here are your answers:

1. They use loaded words and language. Good or bad, loaded language appeals to or triggers other’s emotions. And when emotions are high, the logic goes right out the window! Sadly, most people are ruled by their emotions and bullies instinctively know this. They may have learned by watching and listening to others at home or a maybe they’ve done a lot of reading you don’t know about

2. They make off-hand comments. Offhand comments can be taken in many different ways and are interpreted based on the perception of the person you’re talking to. These types of remarks often sound innocent but are meant to be highly insulting, which makes them so easily deniable.

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3. They are good at taking your words out of context. And they do this deliberately to use them against you. The intended meaning behind your words won’t matter because these bullies will twist and spin them any and every which way to fit their narratives.

4. They ask “gotcha questions.” Many times, bullies will get you in front of bystanders and people in authority. They’ll then ask you questions that are designed to trap you into giving answers that may damage your credibility and reputation.

It’s these types of bullies you should avoid at all costs. And if you can’t avoid them, find a way to learn how to counter these monsters because they can do real damage if you don’t defend yourself against them.

How to Know Whether You’re About to be Mobbed at Work

You’re NOT about to be mobbed if:

You’re brought in for a talk with the boss after an incident has been raised. Then you finish the meeting and come out of your boss’ office feeling darned good about yourself. You’ll also notice the boss smiling at you and the other person looking stressed and withdrawn. You’ll notice that the other person is increasingly isolated while things are looking better and better for you. Your supervisor or manager will drop by from time to time and chat you up.

You’re about to be mobbed if:

The boss doesn’t drop by to chat you up in an openly friendly way or doesn’t invite you into his office with a smile in the wake of an incident. Instead, the boss will begin to avoid you like a bad disease!

Also, you coworkers will go out of their way to track you down and pump you for information. They’ll only fake interest and support in what you have to say. They may call you at home or come by your house, feigning support and empathy and peppering it with questions. But it isn’t long before they begin avoiding you, gossiping about you and defaming you.

You must recognize these signs. Only then will you be able to take appropriate action and ward off a potential termination, marring of your good name, and derailment of your career!

As quoted in the old G.I. Joe cartoon years ago, “knowing is half the battle!”

Chronic Bullying is Mobbing

Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time and has escalated such that it has now reached a dangerous level. In short, bullying has reached epic proportions.

When there’s Chronic Bullying, bullies have grown so comfortable with bullying the target that they skyrocket the torment and pursue their targets obsessively and non-stop. Where there’s Chronic Bullying, there’s no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s simply no incentive to stop.

In the case of Chronic Bullying, the bullies’ behavior has gone ignored and unaddressed by an authority. The bullies have become so brazen, cocky, and encouraged that their actions have grown in strength, frequency, and cruelty over several years.

The bullies’ apathy toward the victim grows to a point where they lose all empathy and come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward the target. The attitude has now become that anything they do to the victim, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good because, to the bullies, the victim has no value, and his life is worth nothing.

People who bully to these extremes usually have followers and minions backing them up. And they enlist members of their following to do their dirty work. The bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

The bullies are seemingly drunk on their own power and their hatred that the bullying and torment of you seem to be all the bullies can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! The bullies are controlled by hatred and blinded by senseless rage. They have become so addicted to the power and control over another human being that the bullying becomes constant for the bullies to get their fix and maintain the high that the power over the target gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes chronic, bullies don’t see the target as a human being; they see him as so worthless and inferior that, in their minds, the target doesn’t deserve the time of day, much less any respect. As far as the bullies are concerned, the target doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as them! Even worse- the target doesn’t deserve to breathe, period!

This is why chronic bullying can be especially dangerous to the target because the victim runs the chance of either breaking and committing suicide or being murdered by their bullies.

This is why it’s so important to get out anytime bullying becomes chronic. Get out of that environment- transfer to another school, go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Again, because once bullying becomes chronic, it becomes so out of control that it takes on a life all it’s own. There’s no stopping it at this stage.

The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

You Aren’t the Only One

Bullies who are seasoned and the best in the bullying business didn’t get so good at bullying you and getting away with it overnight.

No, they learned through trial and error. They’ve figured out what works and what doesn’t. And every time they screwed up and got caught, they never learned their lesson that it’s wrong to mistreat people. They only got sneakier and learned what not to do with their next victim.

Therefore, with each new target, they got a little sneakier, and a little better at covering their behinds until they finally became undetectable to anyone outside the bully/target dynamic. They finally became experts!

Understand that these bullies have left a long trail of ruined lives and either broken or angry people in their wake. Only they’d never tell you about that.

With that said, know that there were many before you and there will be many more after you. You aren’t alone and you’re not the only one they’ve bullied.

I’ve said it once and it bears repeating: If possible, you must find out who their past targets are, then befriend and align yourself with them. I guarantee that you will find out so many juicy tidbits about your bullies and what you discover about them can be used as a powerful weapon!

Always remember that!

Envious? Of What?

When I look back today, I can see so much clearer. I never needed friends like those. However, when it’s happening, you don’t see it so clearly. Being in the middle of a storm can obscure your vision and cloud your judgment, causing you to feel things that are entirely out of your character. And one of those feelings is jealousy.

Being a target of relentless bullying is a lonely existence. The target not only becomes secretly desperate to have friends, but he also grows to hate anyone who does have them. I can testify to this because I’d watch the girls who were lucky enough to be surrounded by friends when I was a target. I’d watch them laugh and notice the bright smiles and their auras brimming with confidence- and I’d feel white-hot rage brewing- stirring inside me.

I could feel my eyes blaze and shoot daggers of fire at those happy girls. I never showed it, but I hated them with the fierceness of a hurricane! It was one of the reasons why I’d often instigate fights and sow discord between other classmates.

I realize now that it was terrible for me to feel that way. I was certainly wrong for feeling the way I did. However, when you’re a kid, you don’t understand why life is one way for some and not others.

And when life seems to be so bad that you want to look up and either cry out to or angrily lash out at God for allowing such an unfair injustice- for not only allowing you to starve but for seemingly forcing you to watch everyone else enjoy a five-course feast. At the same time, you go without, that’s when you know your attitude needs an overhaul!

When you’re a kid, you don’t understand why some have it better than others. You don’t know why some can and some can’t. And you wrack your brain, trying to figure out what the secret ingredients are.

But now that I know what the secret ingredients are, I realize that it never was anything I would’ve wanted in the first place. It wouldn’t have been worth it. They wouldn’t have been worth it.

To have to put on an act to be accepted by everyone?

To have to keep up appearances to be popular?

To be totally dependent on the approval of others?

To let other people’s opinions and the number of friends be the definition of who I am?

To have to be someone I’m not and micromanage every move I make and everything I say to keep from accidentally letting the real me slip out and risk displeasing people around me?

To have to cover one lie with a new one?

To be always afraid of people finding out who I really am?

To have my peace, happiness, and freedoms depend on the permission of others?

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No thanks! They can have all the friends they want through all the fakery they want. That’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. If people don’t like the real me, they can hit the bricks. I don’t need them around.

I look back and realize that the vast majority of my classmates lived solely for their friends and the approval of others. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.

Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others- tools- followers, sheep.

Me? I refuse to live that way. And I don’t live for them. I’m not out to win a popularity contest. I only want to be and do what makes me happy and live a drama-free life and in comfort. No more, no less.

Other than God, myself, and my family, I don’t live for anyone else, and I couldn’t care less about their approval.

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I know who I am, and I live for much better things!

When I look back to all those years ago, I realize that there was nothing to be envious of. In fact, I was much better off than any of them. I was the luckier one. I didn’t have to jump through hoops and bend over backward for them. Although it was hard and I paid a heavy price for it, I lived for me, and I’m so glad I did.

If you’re a target of bullying and you ever find yourself jealous of your bullies and everyone else who has all these friends around them, I urge you to consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. What do they have to give up?

Is having to stuff down and bury your true nature a way you want to live? Having others dictate to you what you should be?

I hope not.