Category: targets of bullying

7 Questions Targets Want Answers to

Leave a comment

1. How do I stop people from bullying me?

2. What can I do to make friends and allies?

3. How do I get a date?

4. How can I learn to have a little influence?

5. What does it take to be charming?

6. What can I do to get that je nais se quois that naturally draws people?

7. Why do bullies bully?

The questions presented here are legitimate questions. After all, we humans are social animals.

We’re hardwired for social connections and togetherness.

Humans are made to enjoy friendships and positive connections, especially during the formative years. It’s a crucial to our development.

The more likeable we are, the better chances we have of making friends and maintaining relationships. Also, we’re more likely to get a date, get married, and reproduce ourselves.

Moreover, likeability increases our chances of getting better jobs, bonuses, higher tips, and promotions.

However, this is not to say that targets of bullying aren’t likeable because they are. Often, it’s the bullies who are unlikable. Why else would they become jealous and target likeable people.

Sadly, over time, the effects of long-term bullying can cause the target to become less and less likeable.

Any form of bullying and abuse that is long-term can shatter a person’s trust in humanity. As a result, the person can become guarded and suspicious of others.

Furthermore, people sense this and are repelled by it. After all, there can be no connection if there isn’t trust. Sadly, they don’t teach likeability in school. Therefore, it’s up to us to read the appropriate books and articles and practice what we learn.

Here are the answers to the questions above:

1. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to control the thoughts and behavior of another. Each person has their own mind and will do what they will do. In other words, nothing you say or do will stop them if it’s something they really want to do. That includes bullying. However, what you can control is your reaction to it.

Moreover, there’s no law that says you must stand there and take their crap. You can choose not to give them a response or you can put your hand up, turn, and walk away. You can tell the idiot to get bent, or you can give them the middle finger and keep going. There are many things you can do to put the creep back in their place.

2. Just be yourself. And care not what others think or say of you. Do these things and the right people will come into your life and want to be friends.

3. Again, be yourself. And remember. A smile is the best outfit you can ever put on.

4. Be confident. Confidence is a natural influencer. If you’re confident in yourself, others will more likely be confident in you.

5. Again, be confident, be yourself, and care not what others think. It’s also important to be interested in other people because people naturally like others who are interested in them.

6. See number 5.

7. Bullies bully because they’re insecure. They’re afraid of their own imperfections coming to light, so they use you as a distraction from their shortcomings.

Some people are born with natural charm and likeability, and some weren’t. However, always remember this. The personality traits you weren’t born with can always, always be learned. You must read books on how to be more likeable and lesson your chances of attracting bullies.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

8 Reasons Enduring Bullying Takes Guts

Leave a comment

It amazes me when I hear of targets of bullying, especially kids, being told to “toughen up.” Because anyone who endures long, miserable years of being bullied by everyone for everything and still finds it in them to get up and get on with it? These individuals are already tough.

I remember swallowing hard every morning at the bus stop.

For any bullied kid, it takes a mountain of courage to step onto that school bus every day, knowing all too well what’s in store for them as soon as they get on and even worse once they grace the entrance to the school. For me, it was like walking into a minefield!

The daily ritual of being name-called, tripped in the hallways, having books knocked out of my hands, my long hair pulled, my head slammed into lockers, slapped, punched, kicked, shoved to the floor, and a barrage of death threats…it was never-ending! But through it all, I never gave up!

Targets of bullying are stronger than they know.

I look at these kids today- the ones who endure the same as I years ago (and worse today with the internet), and they have more heart and soul than all their classmates combined! They’re the strongest because they have no other choice but to be. When you’re bullied, you either sink or swim.

Here are 8 reasons enduring bullying takes guts:

1. You find a reason to get up and go to school every day.
2. You hold on to your dignity with everything you have in you.
3. You face your worst fears daily.
4. You endure countless beatings or insults and still refuse to give up or give in.
5. You choke back rivers of tears which beg to pour forth.
6. You suffer constant thievery of your pride and personhood, yet you refuse to cave into your bullies’ demands or live by their standards.
7. You suffer never-ending violations of your rights, to safety, and to learn in peace.

And lastly,

8. You have the courage to stand alone.

To face all this, day after day, and STILL, find a reason to keep going? That takes grit! It takes guts! Moreover, it takes balls of steel!

You might not think we notice you, but we do!

So, if you’ve never experienced what these kids endure, before you tell some poor, bullied soul to “toughen up,” ask yourself this question. Would you have the fortitude to hold up under that kind of pressure?

And if you’re a kid who does face that kind of pressure at school every day, know that I understand, I hear you, I see you, and I have your back. Also know that you’re so much stronger and have more courage than you know! You have the heart of a lion!

Know your own strength and know your own worth!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Why Many Targets Feel Better When They See Someone Else Being Bullied

Leave a comment

This is a difficult thing to admit. However, sometimes when you’ve been singled out for bullying for so long, it can make you feel better if, by chance, you see another person also being bullied. I say this because, years ago, I felt the same way when I saw another kid being treated as badly as I was.

Many targets feel a sense of relief when they see bullies target someone other than them, and it’s not for the reasons most people would think.

It doesn’t mean that these targets enjoy someone else’s pain. It doesn’t mean that the target is sadistic. What it does mean is that the target sees it as confirmation that they aren’t the only one being mistreated.

Let’s be real here. No one wants to be the only one being picked on. No one wants to be alone or the odd man out.

But here’s something else. Anytime you are a regular target of bullying and bullies target someone else, it means that, for once, they’re not bothering you. Because when bullies target someone else, it takes the negative attention off you, and you get a nice little reprieve from all the BS!

Again, what the target feels isn’t pleasure. It’s relief!

I’ll go ahead and tell you the truth. When I was being bullied in school years ago, I felt that same sense of relief any time I saw another person catching heat because, again, not only did I need that confirmation that I wasn’t the only one being bullied, but I also got the break I needed from it.

I’m not say that it’s right amd I certainly wouldn’t feel the same today as an adult. What I am saying is that I was guilty of having those feelings of relief and that a few other targets and survivors have said that they were guilty of having the same feelings.

Although now, I would be angry and would stand up for anyone I see being targeted, I’m sad to say that this wasn’t the case years ago and it wasn’t a good way to be.

With that said, not only should we learn the inner workings of bullies but also those of targets too. When we learn the inner workings of bullies, we get to see what’s behind their desire to abuse others. We also see their motives and intentions for abusing their targets and so, we’re able to outflank the bullies and defend ourselves and others against them.

When we learn the inner workings of targets, we get to see the damage that bullying has caused them. We get to see the anger, the rage, the sadness, the despair, and the hopelessness they feel and, therefore, we’re better able to reach out and help them.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

If You’re a Target of Bullying, Here’s a Message for You

Leave a comment

Many bullied kids (and adults) are committing suicide. This should hit home with many people because the suicide rate among bullied kids and teens is astronomical! It certainly hits home with me because I attempted suicide at age fourteen after being bullied for several years.

Therefore, I wrote, “From Victim to Victor: A Survivor’s True Story of Her Experiences with School Bullying” to tell my story and encourage today’s youth. I survived, and things got much better once I left that toxic learning environment I was bullied in.

I want the bullied children and teens of today to know these truths:

1.They can overcome and move on to a better life.

2. School is only one chapter of their lives, not the entire book.

3. There are better ways to handle bullying other than taking your own life.

4. They must love themselves and be themselves regardless of what others think.

5. They are just as good as anyone else, regardless of what they’re told.

6. They can do anything they put their minds to if they believe in themselves.

7. They must educate themselves about bullies, their mindsets, their tactics, and the damage they can do.

8. They must recognize the beginning symptoms of low self-esteem and find ways to fight it.

9. They must realize that if bullies take their confidence, then bullies can alter the course of their lives.

10. They have more power than they know.

11. Confidence is the key to a better and more rewarding life.

If you’re a target of bullying, I urge you to hold your head high and keep the faith. Stay true to your own heart and follow your dreams. Know that it won’t last forever and one day soon, things are going to change for the better! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!