‘Want to know the differences of character vs reputation? If people have bullied you and unjustly ruined your reputation, know that your reputation doesn’t equal your character. Here, we discuss in detail how the two differ and the tactics bullies use to mar your good name.
“Your reputation is what others think of you; your character is what you truly are. Reputations can be manipulated; character can only be developed and maintained.”
~ Bohdi Sanders ~
All too often, when a person is bullied, their reputation takes a big hit due to the many ugly rumors and lies spread by their tormentors.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn character vs reputation and how they differ. Also, you will learn how bullies destroy the reputations of good people and how others come to believe the lies.
Once you learn all these bits of information, not only will you be able to see through the lies when they happen to yourself and others. But you will also learn what you must do to protect yourself against smear campaigns your bullies may launch against you.
This post is all about character vs reputation and what you can do to protect your good name.
Character vs reputation
Bullying is a campaign. Just as politicians go about kissing babies and shaking hands with people on the street, giving a spiel of why they’re the best person for the office they’re running for, bullies do the same.
They go from person to person spinning their yarn about why no one should associate with you and why you’re such a contemptible person.
Your bullies will engage everyone, even your friends and family, pulling false accusations out of thin air. Moreover, they make them sound so convincing that others find the lies difficult not to believe.
“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene
Bullies attack your reputation to strip you of power. Once your reputation is gone, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.
Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. Even worse, you’re at the mercy of virtually everyone around you.
You see? Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down. Why? Because they’ll have public opinion on their side.
They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.
Why Bullies are successful in making people believe the lies.
1. The tiny grain of truth tactic.
Tormentors will use a tiny grain of truth about you. In other words, they may bring up a simple mistake you made in the past (possibly an error which anybody could have made at any time).
They then add their spin to it, making it worse and more significant to make the story even more believable.
2. Character vs Reputation:
The Baiting tactic.
Here’s a good example of the baiting tactic.
Harassers will use subtle provocations, taunts, and assaults to bait you into an emotional reaction. Once they get the reaction from you that they’re looking for, they’ll turn around and use your perfectly normal human response as further proof that you’re mentally imbalanced.
Moreover, even if you don’t give them the reaction they want, your bullies will only double down in their efforts to get you to snap. And sadly, after being attacked for so long, it’s too easy for you to become worn down.
And once you become exhausted, you’re likely to go the “eye for an eye” route and return the attacks (physically or verbally). Although defending yourself is a perfectly reasonable response, bullies will use it as confirmation that you’re the bad guy.
Therefore, you must be cautious in your counter-attacks. Also, you must carefully choose your battles. Why? Because, again, a well-experienced bully can easily use any reactions to validate any rumors lies about you.
Before long, even those who aren’t necessarily bullies will also shun and brutalize you. This is a sign that your bullies have tarnished your reputation and sadly, a ruined reputation can take years to repair.
3. the use of charm and allure.
You must realize that bullies are sociopathic. They have a wealth of superficial charm at their disposal. Therefore, they are masters in the arts of persuasion and influence.
Also, most superficially charming people are very skilled wordsmiths. This is why they can pull a complete fabrication out of their butts and make it smell sweet and sound plausible.
Because of this oozing charm that most seasoned bullies possess, they can encourage bystanders and sometimes authority (teachers, principals, monitors, etc.) to join in the torment.
4. Character vs Reputation:
Smear campaigns.
How do Smear Campaigns work?
It always starts subtly. Bullies begin the smear campaign by planting seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.
They may start rumors by dropping a suggestion. Moreover, all it takes is one little rumor- just one!
Next, the bullies use repetition. They repeat the same rumor over and over again until it sticks. And sadly, once enough people believe it, it will become the truth even if it is a bald-faced lie.
In fact, by then, people will want to believe it.
And there’s no getting away from public opinion no matter how false or unjustified it is.
In other words, bullies ruin targets by making things up, leaking info they hear, or spreading ideas. Next, they’ll fade into the background because they know that with everything put together, whatever lies they spread will stick.
They’ve done their part, and now they can sit back and let the rumor mill do the work for them. It’s that easy!
Stage 1 of the Smear Campaign.
The bullies provoke you. You blow them off for a while but the bullies are relentless. Therefore, they not only continue but escalate the harassment.
Finally, you get fed up with their crap and, out of exhaustion and emotion, tell them to go to hell in a hand basket. And there! The bullies get the reaction they’ve been waiting for.
Now, the smear campaign begins. Your bullies start by suggesting that you’d be better off if you got professional help, moved, etc . They will say that it’s for your own good to look as if they have genuine concern for you.
Next, they may drop an offhand comment here and another there. Understand that bullies need to slowly and ever-so-gradually ramp up the smears. Why? So, that what they’re doing doesn’t appear so obvious.
Character vs Reputation
In the beginning, you may have friends. Others may like or even love you. Moreover, they may try to support you and speak on your behalf.
However, that’s when the bullies will tell them, “Oh, no. There’s more to it than what he told you.”
Or, the bullies may lie to your friends by telling them that sometime in the past, you criticized them or stabbed them in the back.
Smear Campaign Stage 2.
Now it’s time for the bullies to stand back and let the old rumor mill do its handiwork. And, sure enough, the lies become the truth. People begin reporting things to the bullies and higher-ups in the social hierarchy.
Moreover, they make false statements and accuse you of wrongs you never committed.
And as the rumors and lies spread from person to person, the bigger they grow until they sound so bizarre and outlandish they’d be fit for a horror movie.
You might say, “Aw, but they’re my friends. They’d never do that to me. They know I’m a good person, and I have a clean reputation. All I have to do is tell them my side of things, and this stuff will go away.”
However, you couldn’t be more wrong!
Character vs Reputation:
Smear Campaign stage 3.
Once the rumors get around, your friends will no longer believe you to be right. They’ll only think you’re a thorn in the side with a big mouth.
Therefore, by the time the open bullying is underway, you no longer have a clean reputation.
Character vs reputation:
The results of a successful smear campaign.
Now, everyone thinks you never deserved any respect or friendship. The people around you also feel that the reason you were so well-liked is that you conned your way into their hearts.
They’ll say that you put on a front, and you only weaseled your way into everyone’s good graces. The bullies and their followers may even accuse you of being a kiss-ass.
Moreover, others will make your past wins, accomplishments, successes, or accolades irrelevant. They will also maximize your mistakes and failures and add many more you didn’t make.
In other words, they will rewrite your history.
If you’re on your best behavior and others see it with their own eyes, they’ll only accuse you of being a con artist. Also, any hard evidence of your successes, friendships- anything positive, they’ll chalk it up to you being a smooth-talker who’s good at using charm to manipulate others.
And the friends that your bullies turn against you? They’ll claim that they never liked you from the start. Moreover, they’ll swear up and down that they were only kind to you because they felt sorry for you, or because you conned them.
Your so-called friends will tell others, “who you really are.” They’ll claim that the bullies you bitched about were only reacting to your sneaky provocations.
Also, they’ll say that they only agreed with you about your bullies because you fooled them into it.
Telling your side of things will do no good because they’ll never believe it anyway. Your embittered friends “may have fallen for it at first,” but now they claim to “know better.”
I want you to understand that once people’s minds are already made up, there’s no changing it.
Character vs Reputation: Smear Campaign Stage 4
Stage 4 is the late stage. Therefore, in the late stages of a smear campaign, all bystanders will become willing co-conspirators.
Gossip will be everywhere. And it brings scandal, which means to assassinate the target’s character, integrity, mental fitness, and worth as a student, worker, neighbor, and human being.
Moreover, anyone who questions or disbelieves the lies will immediately become an object of bullying as well. Nobody wants to be isolated, so this forces others to stay in line with the running narrative.
And if the target attempts to defend himself or speak out against the abuse, it will be used against him.
Unfortunately, at this stage, the only way for the target to ensure his safety and escape the abuse is to leave the toxic environment and go to a new place where he can start anew, establish new connections, and reinvent himself.
Here’s an example:
Remember the character, Chris Chambers, in the movie “Stand by Me.” Although he was a great kid, he was considered a rogue and a thief.
Moreover, during the scene where he was crying to his friend, Gordy, telling him about how he got his bad name and wishing he could go somewhere where no one knew him.
During the conversation, the character of Chris Chambers, played by River Phoenix, tearfully tells Gordy that a member of staff took the lunch money out of the teal. However, he got blamed for it solely because of his family name. It was heartbreaking to watch.
And sadly, that happens a lot. In a majority of cases, targets must leave the school, company, or community to heal and to rebuild their lives.
Therefore, it’s best just to find a way to get out of the environment altogether and never look back. Moreover, never have anything to do with any of these people again.
You owe it to yourself to kick them all to the curb.
Character vs Reputation:
Focus on your character and not your reputation.
Know that reputation does not equal character. In other words, your reputation is not who you are. Hold on to your self-love because these people do not know you nor do they deserve to.
Know that once you’re free of these people, you can start again, making new friends in your new area. Moreover, these new friends will see the awesome you that people in the old town missed out on. And you will live in peace and be surrounded by love once again.
It happened for me and it can happen for you too.
This post was all about character vs Reputation and the tactics bullies use to destroy your good name. Also, it was about the process and stages of the smear campaign and what you can do to escape it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. The Cycle of Bullying: Psychological Injuries and Care of Victims
2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples
3. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying
4. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying
5. The Horns Effect: Bully-Induced Bias Against Victims of Bullying
