Category: relational aggression

relational aggression definition

Relational Aggression: 12 Must-Know Reasons Bullies Use It

19 Comments

‘Want to know what relational aggression is and how bullies use it to destroy you? Here are all the details about it, what it can do, and how you can protect yourself.

relational aggression

“Don’t Associate With Her!”

It’s bad enough when bullies mistreat you themselves. However, when they set out to prevent you from becoming friends with others besides them, that’s even worse.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn what relational aggression is, what it consists of, and why bullies use it against you.

Once you learn all about these bullying tactics and the harm they’re meant to cause, you will have a whole new understanding of it and how you can protect yourself against it.

This post is all about relational aggression and all that comes with it so that you can more effectively defend yourself against it.

Relational Aggression

Social and relational bullies are like obsessive exes who won’t allow you to move on from the hurt. You know the type- an ex who claims they don’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

Therefore, they deliberately try to isolate you to wield power over you. Moreover, they want to make you believe that you need their approval to have friends who love you. In that, they want you to believe that you need their say so to live a happy life.

Here are the reasons bullies use this type of aggression.

1. To isolate you

Again, bullies want to isolate you from others. Why? To induce feelings of loneliness and alienation in you.

Moreover, they want to lessen any chances that you might get support and protection from others. Bullies know that if they succeed at this, they can bully you any time they feel like it.

Put another way, isolating you means that they can more safely continue, even escalate their attacks. If the bullies can turn everyone against you, then, again, you’re least likely to get support, and others will less likely hold them responsible for their behavior.

2. To instill shame in you

Another goal of these type of bullying is to instill shame in you. ‘You see? If bullies can cause you to feel shame, they can then make you believe you somehow deserve for them to bully you.

Therefore, you have less chance of fighting back or reporting them to authority.

3. Why Bullies Use Relational Aggression:

To get back at you for a real or perceived slight

Many times, bullies use relational aggression to get revenge on you. Bullies have fragile egos and are too easily offended.

Therefore, whether you meant the offense or not, your bullies will turn others against you to punish you for offending them.

4. They’re jealous of your good relationships with others.

Bullies always feel the need to compete with you (and everyone else). Therefore, if you have lots of friends and allies, they may be jealous that you have more friends than they do.

Moreover, they may also be jealous of your confidence, charm and charisma. Therefore, they have an intense desire to knock you down a peg or two.

5. For gratification and satisfaction

Lots of times, bullies do it just for the satisfaction of seeing you under stress or alienated from everyone. In fact, they get gratification in seeing you suffer. Period!

To some, this may sound a little far-fetched. However, there are a lot of sadistic people in the world and bullies can be the most sadistic.

6. Bullies Use Relational Aggression To Silence You

Think about this. If bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, the least likely others are to believe you when you report bullying.

Therefore, if no one believes you after you’ve spoken out a few time, the more likely you are to just give up, clam up, and not say another word about it.

And you’ll think, “what’s the point in speaking when no one listens to anything I have to say?” Therefore, you’ll soon feel you have no other choice than to stay quiet.

Bullies instinctively know this and you’d better believe it’s exactly what they’re counting on.

7. To have the freedom to bully you anytime they want

Again, if your bullies can use relational aggression and turn everyone against you, then they can succeed in isolating you. And once they isolated you, then they can bullying you at will. Why?

Because no one will help you and might even get enjoyment out of watching your bullies drag you through the mud. Therefore, who are you going to speak out to about what’s happening to you?

Therefore, there will be nothing to stop them.

8. For protection

If your bullies can turn people against you, then they have protection from any accountability. Moreover, if you try to defend yourself and stand up to them, others will more than likely take the bullies’ side and protect them.

9. Bullies Use Relational Aggression For Confirmation that you’re worthless

Your isolation would serve as confirmation that you really are a terrible person and completely worthless. Remember that bullies want to be right about you. Therefore, they can’t handle any proof that they just might be wrong about you.

10. to get favor from others

In turning others against you, bullies have more of a change of garnering favor from them… against you. Therefore, these people will serve as just another tool for them.

11. immunity from consequences

If everyone hates you, chances are that they’ll enjoy seeing you get bullied. Therefore, they won’t hold anyone who bullies you accountable.

12. power and domination over you

Once bullies succeed with their relational aggression and turn others against you, you are powerless. Therefore, your bullies have all the power to dominate you. And what can you do about it?

Therefore, these dozen reasons are the rewards your bullies reap from the use of social and relational aggression.

What are the tools of relational aggression?

1. Gossip

Gossip is purely judgmental and includes hasty generalizations about your character and private life. Moreover, it has nothing to do with the school, community, or workplace.

The purpose of gossip is to control your social status by demoting you on the social hierarchy. Another purpose of gossip is to justify any punishment you suffer.

And they justify it by promoting a collective view that you don’t deserve respect, dignity, or humanity, but only abuse and hostility.

 Consequently, once  you’re deemed to deserve abuse, others will always escalate it!

2. Rumors

Rumors are only stories about you without proof of fact.  However, they pack a mighty punch because, if people want to believe it, it will be taken as truth.

Unlike gossip, which is shared between two people, rumors are spread over a town, company, school, or organization.

Rumors can either be made up, or they can start from a tiny grain of truth and grow bigger.

Therefore, rumors are another tool in the relational bully’s toolbox.

3. Another tool in Relational Aggression:

Smear Campaigns

Smear campaigns have a goal. They are deliberate attempts to damage your reputation and public image by spreading lies and malicious tales about you to defame you.

Also, during a smear campaign, bullies recruit many others to keep it going. Thus, the smear campaign is the most potent weapon in the relational bully’s arsenal.

Relational aggression goes through stages. Here’s the process:

1. First, your bullies watch you closely.

Relational bullies start by carefully observing you. They keep track of you to find out who you associate with, who you date, even who your family members are. Moreover, they dig up information about your life.

2. Once your bullies find out who you associate with, they cozy up to them and begin Telling them bad things about you.

When they find out who your friends are, they then drop subtle suggestions to them about you. They may tell your friends little white lies about you.

However, they may also take a more obvious approach and threaten them with harm for having any more to do with you. Bullies will also mistreat your partner and even go after your family.

Remember that bullies thrive on fear, and their goal is to isolate you and make you more vulnerable. Therefore, they do this by cutting you off from any possible sources protection or assistance.

3. During the third stage of relational aggression, They watch and wait as, one by one, friends slowly begin turning against you.

Once the rumor mill begins to do your bullies’ dirty work for them, they will watch and wait while gradually escalating the bullying.

However, they may make sure to keep things moving along by telling your friends that you’re saying terrible things about them behind their backs. Moreover, they may bait you into altercations.

Also, they may slyly instigate an altercation between you and a few of your former friends.

4. Once your bullies have succeeded in alienating you from everyone, they bully you freely and with impunity.

In other words, your bullies can bully you without limitations. Bullies can also keep you silent about the abuse. Moreover, you no longer have anyone to confide in about the abuse.

Therefore, you’ll likely suffer in silence. Why?  Because you won’t be able to talk about the bullying without getting rebuffed or ridiculed.

Knowledge is power. Therefore, get wise to your bullies and relational aggression. It’s the first step in protecting yourself.

This post is all about relational aggression so that you can recognize it when it happens and take steps to protect yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

2. Bullying on Social Media: 5 Reasons Why People Do It

3. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

4. A Bully’s Perspective: What Your Bullies Want to Say to You

5. Smear Campaigns: 4 Tactics Bullies Use to Sully Your Reputation

examples of social bullying

Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

2 Comments

Would you like to know several social bullying examples and the reasons bullies try to turn everyone against you? As someone who’s been affected in the past, I’m giving you all the details about social bullying.

social bullying examples

Social bullying leaves it’s victims stripped of not only friends and supporters, but sometimes family members as well. If this is happening to you, then you’re doing all you can to research this type of bullying. Therefore, I’m giving you all the details and social bullying examples so that you’ll be able to name what is happening to you and protect yourself.

You will learn all the ins and outs of social bullying and what you can do to lessen it’s effects.

Once you learn all the aspects of social bullying, you will be able to call it out by name and defend yourself properly against it from now on.

This post is all about social bullying examples and will give you the tiny details about this insidious type of bullying.

social bullying examples

“Reputation is the cornerstone of power.” – Robert Greene

Social bullies wreck your good standing in a school, workplace, or community by way smear campaigns of lies, rumors, and gossip.

Before we get into the details and examples, let’s first discuss why bullies attack your reputation and relationships. In other words, what do these bullies have to gain from sabotaging your social connections?

What are the psychological payoffs they get from doing this? Here’s are your answers.

Simply put, bullies attack your relationships and reputation to strip you of power. Once they kill your reputation and break apart your relationships, you’re defenseless and extremely vulnerable to attack.

In other words, social bullies turn people against you to isolate you. Understand that isolation weakens your position in the social world and leaves you wide open for attack.

Therefore, bullies can freely attack you from all directions. And they can do it without risk of others coming to your defense and holding the bullies accountable.

When everyone turns against you, they’ll no longer support and protect you. Therefore, you’re at the mercy of virtually anyone who decides to bully you.

Bullies know that if they can poke holes in your reputation, they won’t have to work so hard to bring you down because now, they have public opinion on their side. They can then stand back and watch with glee as widely held perceptions of you finish you off.

First, Bullies Destroy your reputation.

How? By rumors, lies, and defamation.

In the beginning, bullies will plant seeds of doubt about your character in the minds of others. Doubt is a powerful tool.

Next, they spread rumors and lies.

Additionally, bullies are proof that offense is the best defense. Drawing first blood is always best because you can only respond in either one of two ways.

1. You could deny the rumors. Moreover, you could even produce evidence that proves your innocence of the accusations.

2. You could ignore the lies and blow your accusers off with a “whatever” and walk away laughing.

But!

Either way, people will still look at you with suspicion.

Social bullying examples: The mechanics of social bullying

1. If you defend yourself and produce evidence to the contrary, the prevailing thought will be,

“There must be some truth to the rumors, otherwise he wouldn’t be defending himself so vehemently.”

2. If you ignore the lies and wave your accusers away with a laugh, others will be even more suspicious of you. Why? Because they’ll think that you have something to hide and are only playing it cool.

Moreover, social bullies know that if they instigate rumors the right way, there’s a possibility that they can get you enraged and rattled. So much so that while defending yourself, you end up making a truckload of mistakes out of nervousness.

This works even better if you haven’t yet established a reputation. Because the smear campaign will only work all the more in the bullies’ favor. However, even if you do have a good reputation initially, the bullies will most likely destroy it because people tend to think the worst of others.

What happens once bullies have destroyed your good name?

Your damaged reputation meets people before you do.

Consequently, this brings loss of opportunities to meet new people. In other words, you lose the ability to move on with new friends.

When bullies and their followers have unjustly slandered or libeled you, even total strangers will no doubt hear of you. Therefore, there’s a strong chance that, by the time you meet them, they will already have their minds made up about you.

Sadly, this is one feature of bullying that crosses very few people’s minds.

Social bullying examples: invisible enemies

What’s even scarier is that you are left completely defenseless against the attacks of strangers. In other words, when you haven’t the slightest idea who your enemies are, how do you know who to watch out for?

Moreover, how do you know who to avoid? It’s impossible to protect yourself from invisible enemies.

This is often the case once bullies have unjustly used smear campaigns against you. It is a situation which is even more dangers because you are walking blind!

You cannot see the enemy. Someone could walk right up to you on the street, in broad daylight, and you wouldn’t know.  Moreover, they could have a weapon hidden on them and you would never know of their intent to hurt or kill you until it was too late.

It will feel as if you’re fighting ghosts.

For example, we lost the Vietnam War because we didn’t know who the enemy was. We didn’t know exactly who was or wasn’t on our side!

Reputation is the decider of merit.

Your reputation will always decide the credit you get even from actions that are innocent. In other words, two different people can do the exact same thing the exact same way.

And each person’s reputation will decide whether the action is brilliant or terrible.
Put simpler, It’s not what you do. It’s who others perceive you to be when you do it.

It’s not the action itself, but who the person is that does it.

Here’s the rub. A person who’s well-liked and has a stellar reputation can write an essay, and others will deem it a brilliant piece.

But let a person who’s despised by everyone and has a lousy reputation write the exact same essay, and others will only view it as a worthless piece of garbage that’s not even worth reading, which brings us to the final conclusion:

Reputation can affect all areas of your life. It can be the difference between having success or failure- in everything! A bad reputation, regardless of whether you deserve it, sets you up to fail.

 However, there’s hope!

Social bullying examples

Although extremely difficult, you can still salvage your reputation and change your life for the better. Here’s how:

1. Move to a different area.

Sometimes you must go somewhere else and start over again. It may be difficult to leave your family behind. However, if you stay in the community where people judge you unfavorably, you’ll never have the chance to move forward.

You may wonder why this is.

It’s because, sadly, the social bullying has gone on for so long that your reputation in the community has become ironclad. Consequently, there isn’t much you can do to change things once something has gained that kind of strength.

In other words, you’ll always be stuck right where you are. Why not pack your things and leave for greener pastures and better opportunities?

Again, the best you can do to better your life is to move away and get a fresh start in a new town. It will be the only way you will find happiness and stability.

2. Find a good cause to fight for and one you’re passionate about.

Any time you fight for a good cause, you will meet like-minded people who are fighting for the same purpose. You and these people will already have common ground.

The cause could be “The Victim’s Rights Movement,” or even “The Anti-Bullying Movement.” Whatever the cause, you will attract those who are fighting for the same things. And you’ll easily make positive connections with them and become life-long friends.

Although many doors get slammed shut and locked, there’s always a way out if you look for it. I guarantee it!

3. when your friends turn against you because of your bullies’ Lies, have nothing more to do with them.

Anyone who claims to be your friend, then believes the lies of social bullies does not deserve your friendship. Also, they were probably never your friend to begin with.

Therefore, walk away from them and reject them if they come back around. This is how you value yourself. It’s how you protect yourself and treat yourself well.

A true friend would never believe any lies and rumors about you. Moreover, they would have enough respect for you to ask you before making such snap judgements.

This post was all about social bullying examples, the mechanics of social bullying, and what you can do to lessen or alleviate the negative affects of it on your life.

1. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Choose Your Friends Wisely: 9 Criteria to Judge by