‘Want to know how to stop saying sorry too much so that you can finally overcome bullying and abuse?
Is saying sorry too much making you seem like a doormat to the people around you? If so, you’re probably wondering why you do it and how to kick this self-sabotaging habit.
As someone who’s made that mistake and corrected it, I’m giving you the reasons why you do it and tips on how to stop it and re-empower yourself.
Therefore, in this post you will learn all the possible reasons why you’re in the habit of saying sorry too much and how you can drop this bad habit.
Once you learn all about this important information, you will know why you do it by seeing which reason applies to you. Moreover, you’ll be compelled to stop it so that you can reclaim your power.
This post is all about saying sorry too much, why you do it, why it sets you up for bullying, and what you can do to change it.
Saying Sorry Too Much
Saying that you’re sorry can be a good thing when you know for a fact that you’ve wronged someone. Moreover, it shows the person you’ve trespassed against that you regret whatever you’ve done to them.
When expressed genuinely, telling someone you’re sorry can help the other person to heal. Then, you both can begin to rebuild the trust that was lost and move onto a better and more rewarding relationship.
Moreover, this goes whether it’s a romantic relationship, friendship, or familial kinship.
However, victims of bullying over-apologize as a trauma response and survival mechanism to keep from getting hurt. Even worse, they apologize to the wrong people… mainly bullies.
However, if you do this, your bullies will only throw it back at you. Why? Because they know that your apology is a trauma response.
It isn’t heartfelt. You’re only trying to keep them from harming you again. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s a typical response when you’re being bullied and only trying to survive day to day.
However, this does one of either two things. It gives the bullies a rush of power or makes them angrier and more determined to hurt you.
So, why do you apologize so much?
1. For Survival and self-preservation.
Many targets and victims of bullying over apologize for self-preservation and as a way to survive. Bullying can cause trauma. Therefore, the knee-jerk response of most victims is to over apologize.
If you fall into this category, know that the reason you do this is to avoid further bullying and abuse. The fear is such that you apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Moreover, you may do it for things that are beyond your control.
2. Saying Sorry Too Much:
You Have Low Self-Esteem.
Low self-esteem can also prompt you to over-apologize. Why? Because others, particularly bullies and abusers have brainwashed you into thinking that everything that goes wrong is your fault.
Also, you may think you must over-apologize to make people like you.
Moreover, you may feel you must apologize for things that do not warrant an apology. Your prevailing thought is, “tell them I’m sorry. Tell them anything they want to hear, and they’ll like me.
However, this usually only gets you the opposite results. Bullies see weakness in any apology but especially in over apologizing. Therefore, they will exploit it and bully you worse with it.
But even if it does save you from being brutalized, it will eat away at your self-esteem.
If you’re a target of bullying, I want you to understand that not everything that happens is your burden to carry.
You may even over-apologize during conversations. Why? Because, subconsciously, you believe your thoughts and questions aren’t worthy of consideration.
However, you must realize that questions and thoughts are understandable. Why? Because they are things that you learn and grow from.
Therefore, your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s. You must realize that you are just as important as the next person.
3. You fear judgment and rejection.
In other words, you apologize for approval and acceptance. However, you must realize that some people will never accept you no matter what you do. More importantly, you must be okay with it.
Begin putting yourself first and apologizing only when it’s absolutely necessary. Only then will your bullies and fake friends slowly begin to disappear.
Moreover, you will attract the right people into your life and make true friends.
4. Saying Sorry Too Much:
You do it out of fear of abandonment.
You might do it out of fear of abandonment when you since distance between yourself and someone you love. People who have been hurt by past lovers have a tendency to overdo it on the I’m-sorries.
Why? Because they have internalized that hurt.
You’ll say “I’m such a jerk, I’m sorry.” Or, you might say, “I’m didn’t mean to say that thing that made you angry. What I said didn’t come out right.”
You’ll say anything just to keep the person from cutting friendship ties, or breaking off the relationship.
Just to keep someone who isn’t worthy of you in your life!
However, this won’t work for long. It may for the time being. You may, in fact, lessen the danger of the person leaving… but only for now.
You may get rid of any immediate threats of abandonment. The person may hang around a little longer. But they’ll only do it out of pity!
Yuck! Do you really want someone to stick around because they feel sorry for you? Ewww!
Stop with the appeasement!
Therefore, you must stop compromising yourself. Stop degrading and humiliating yourself and start respecting yourself.
Because if you have to suppress yourself just to keep someone around, then that person doesn’t deserve you. If you have to appease someone and consistently apologize for being who you are, then they aren’t worth a nano-second of your time.
Stop apologizing just to appease people. Because, believe me, they see right through that and they will either take advantage of it or lose respect for you.
You must recognize these knee-jerk apologies as an automatic trauma-response. In other words, your CNS registers a potential fight, conflict, or distance as the threat of danger.
Moreover, your bullied mind pulls the proverbial alarm and you respond out of trauma in order to mitigate the perceived danger.
What happens when you have the habit of saying sorry too much
1. You Accept blame for things that you can’t control.
I understand that over-apologizing is something you learned to survive bullying and abuse. However, you only blame yourself for things you aren’t guilty of.
Moreover, you accept blame you do not deserve. You blame yourself for things that go wrong, even if it’s something you cannot control.
In other words, you give yourself a hard time and take responsibility for everything that goes wrong, even if it’s beyond their control.
2. You Set Yourself up to be a scapegoat.
Put another way, you set up the dynamic in your friendships and relationships where there is a power imbalance. Bullies, abusers, and other unsavory types of people can take advantage of your consistent blaming yourself and weaponize it against you.
Often, this is how bullying and abuse tends to repeat itself over and over as you get older. There are a lot of evil and lowdown people out there. Therefore, they’ll notice that you’re always apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.
As a result, they will use it to take advantage of you. This is why you continue to get bullied and abused by new bullies and abusers.
Human predators are like man-eating sharks. They see the blood in the water. In other words, predators will go after the animal in the herd who is wounded. Bullies are the same way.
This is why you should stop for a moment and do an assessment. Ask yourself, “Have I really done something wrong?”
3. Saying Sorry Too Much:
You give others the impression that you’re Trouble.
In other words, you only make others around you believe that you really are in the wrong when, in fact, the bullies are the guilty ones. Therefore, you only make it so much easier for your bullies to shirk responsibility for their evil deeds.
It gives the bullies the impression that they have power and control over you and that you will always surrender to them.
4. People lose respect for you.
Even worse, people lose respect for you because you display a lack of confidence. This gives bullies the okay to continue bullying you.
Moreover, you unknowingly decrease your value and look pathetic. You send the unspoken message that you’d rather be agreeable than honest.
5. You cheapen the value of your apologies.
Whenever a situation arises that warrants a sincere apology, others will only take your apology with a grain of salt.
Saying Sorry Too Much:
In Conclusion:
Instead, reserve your apologies only for when a situation warrants one.
When you refuse to apologize where an apology isn’t needed, it’s a sign of greater self-esteem and increased feelings of power. It also shows that you have more dignity and integrity.
It pays to know when you should and shouldn’t apologize.
And for Pete’s sake! Never apologize for feeling hurt or angry at someone else’s abuse! Never! Moreover, don’t apologize for setting boundaries. You have every right to do so.
In these situations, you have a right to feel the way you do! Let no one tell you how you should feel when you’re being treated unfairly!
In other words, apologize only when you should. Not when others think you should.
Never Apologize to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
You should never apologize to a bully or an abuser. They aren’t worthy of your remorse or your apology. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself when you need to.
Also, know that it’s perfectly okay to express your wants and needs. Remember that you are just as good as the next person. Understand that you aren’t obligated to apologize for being who you are.
Moreover, there’s nothing you need to be sorry for. Understand that each person is different and we all have our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and convictions. It’s a part of life.
Understand this. When people are bullying and abusing you, you have every right to be angry. You have every right to cry, to scream, to yell, and to tell them all to go pound sand.
Never be sorry for your emotions nor your responses to abuse.
This post was all about Why you get stuck saying sorry too much, the results, and Why you should only reserve an apology for a situation that warrants one.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Over Apologizing Trauma Response: 9 Easy Ways to Overcome It
2. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For
3. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It
4. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses
5. When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!
