congnitive dissonance Archives

Do you want to know about cognitive dissonance and the huge role it has in incidences of bullying. Here we discuss how it leaves you standing alone and perpetuates more bullying.

Sadly, most bystanders, witnesses, and members of authority have cognitive dissonance. Especially when it comes to incidences of bullying in school, the workplace, and in the community. However, it only serves to embolden bullies and abusers. Also, it multiplies the sufferings of victims and targets.

In this post, you will learn all about this psychological mechanism so that you can call it by name.

After you learn about this form of denial, you’ll confidently call it what it is the next time bystanders do nothing and claim they didn’t see your bullies attack you.

So What is Cognitive dissonance?

According to Very Well Mind, it is “the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes.”

Human nature dictates that people would rather hold onto their attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs. Therefore, when what they see and hear conflicts with those long-held perceptions, it causes them to feel uncomfortable.

For example, you have a bullied coworker and bullies and their followers have defamed the person for years. Moreover, people at work may have seen the victim break down or snap. And why not? Almost anyone would break under the pressure after suffering relentless bullying for so long.

As a result, the bullies only weaponize the victim’s perfectly normal response and twist it to make it look like the person is a bad person or they need help.

Therefore, everyone else in the company thinks this person is either unhinged or they’re just a terrible person who doesn’t have good temperament. Even worse, they’ve all held those beliefs for years.

Then, one day, someone who really knows the bullied coworker starts working for the company and tells them what a great person the victim really is. The friend will even provide some kind of evidence that proves it.

However, the other workers only get angry at the friend for telling the truth and contradicting their perceptions. They then begin to bully the victim’s friend and escalate the abuse of the victim a hundred fold!

Moreover, the more the friend explains that the victim really is a good person once people at work get to know them, the more the blind coworkers double down in their attitudes. Consequently, they also triple the abuse.

the above scenario is what cognitive dissonance is and what is does.

This psychological defect only comes from pride. In other words, the bullies and everyone else will never admit that they had the victim all wrong.

To admit that they messed up would mean admitting they treated the victim like crap. Moreover, they would risk losing face and possibly their jobs.

This is why the truth angers most people who deny it. And you don’t see CD in only cases of bullying and abuse. You also see it in politics and in family cases of divorce.

Moreover, cognitive dissonance can show up after a bad breakup.

Another example would be back in the 1400s, when people thought the world was flat. After Christopher Columbus discovered that it was round, most people refused to believe it and ridiculed him.

Again, most people refuse to believe something even if proof of it is right under their noses. In other words, they may see the opposite of their perceptions with their own eyes and still refuse to believe it.

Another Example of Cognitive dissonance

Here’s another example. You’re bullied in school and you come to the office with bruises and cuts all over your face. You report your bullies beat you up in the schoolyard.

The brutes that beat the mess out of you happen to be stars on the football team and college-bound students with stellar grades. Moreover, their families are either big time mobsters or they’re high officials in the city government.

The principal, who admires the bullies and knows their families well, swears up and down that you’re lying. He accuses you of doing it to yourself to make the attackers look bad and get them into trouble. Or, he may accuse you of having someone else beat you up and blaming those innocent bullies for it.

So, you give the names of the other students who stood around watching the entire thing. When the principal calls them all in, they each claim they didn’t see the bullying when you know doggone well they did see it.

You saw them standing around watching as the bullies attacked you. The principal then blames you and gives you a three-day suspension while your assailants get off Scot free.

However, tell the principal that you’re well aware of the cognitive dissonance everyone has. Then watch his chin hit the floor as the shock grabs him by the boo-boo!

You’ll practically hear him thinking, “Where the hell did this kid learn that?”

What happens when you meet one of your bullies at the ten-year reunion?

You meet your bully or bullies at the ten-year reunion with your spouse and children. You’re civil to them. Then you tell your family that these people bullied you in school but you rose above it.

Your bullies hear this and respond with denial, anger, or indignation.

Or, you see them at the reunion and they bully you again, in front of your family. Moreover, they throw subtle digs at your spouse and kids because your spouse tells some of the classmates that you’re such a great husband/wife and that you couldn’t have picked a better life partner.

The point to this story is this.

Bullies don’t want to notice anything about you that forces them to remember that you are generally a good person. They don’t want to see proof that you are respected and very well-loved.

In other words, your bullies will deny that you’re a kind and thoughtful person and not deserving of brutal treatment.

And they for sure don’t want to remember that they were the ones who made school hell for you and caused you so much pain. In fact, they refuse to see you as a human being, deserving of the same rights and considerations as everyone else.

The reason why bullies do NOT want to see these things is that it would only prick at their consciences and make them feel dirty!

Cognitive dissonance: this bares repeating

Regardless of the facts, of what you say or do, or of your intentions, your bullies will take everything out of context. Moreover, they will misconstrue and spin it to support their narratives, whatever they may be.

Deep down inside, your bullies, their followers, your former friends who have been turned against you- they all know that you’re a great person.

Believe me, they are very much aware of your kindness, your big heart, and of your potential, only they would never in this lifetime admit it. Because to admit it would be to convict themselves.

Admission of your positive qualities would be an admission of their guilt! That they were in the wrong and that they are a bunch of cruel monsters!

Therefore, to save face and not feel like total scumbags, they can’t afford to acknowledge the truth. Because, again, to do so would be to demonize themselves.

And you can bet that if you happen to run into one or more of your former bullies from school or work at the supermarket, the gas station, or anywhere else in public, they will automatically turn their heads and walk away- fast!

However, you must understand where it all comes from.

Don’t feel rejected. And don’t feel the least bit upset about it. You must see it for what it is, and what it is, is guilt! It’s nothing personal.

Realize that each time they see your face, it only reminds them of the horrible things they did to you in the past, and they feel dirty!

No one wants to feel dirty.

Therefore, when this happens to you, don’t let it shake you. Don’t feel rejected because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Moreover, they’re trying to bury feelings of shame and they’re afraid you might expose them.

just smile when your old bullies turn and run.

Because that’s what they’re doing. They feel very uncomfortable around you. Therefore, you have power over them now. Why? Because the very sight of you intimidates the hell out of them. Guilt is a very powerful but uncomfortable emotion and it can cut a person to the quick.

However, bullies with NPD may not feel this guilt as most people with this disorder don’t. They may give you dirty looks instead. But still, you have power over them otherwise, they wouldn’t even waste the energy of a look. Instead, they’d just go on their marry way.