Category: bullying

Why Bullies Usually End Up Eating Their Own

7 Comments

Bullies want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate. And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even. Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades, they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light? Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once the target sees these revelations, his confidence will get a big boost. The target will realize that she isn’t and never was the one with the issues. In this, he will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, the target will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in the target’s favor. In other words, the person will be a target no more. Remember that the best way to disempower bullies is to empower targets.

Because, once the target ceases to be a target, bullies no longer have power over him. Therefore, the bullies must go search for another target.

The Sudden Power Shift

When these bullies spot several potential targets, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react. But! What will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when the potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way. Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

When Bullies Label You “Mentally Ill”

12 Comments

When people label you “mentally ill,” “crazy,” “unhinged,” take your pick, based on the lies of bullies; no one has to take you seriously ever again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad. Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously. What a crying shame!

Therefore, when bullies can con an entire community into deeming you crazy, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that it can make the labelled person doubt their own sanity. In other words, it’s not so much that they think you’re crazy, it’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

Further, the crazy card is the easiest for bullies to play. Although they can never prove you’re a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The label, “crazy” is worse than the label, “criminal.”

This is why the crazy label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Crazy” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove crazy.

Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while, but eventually, the label does get old and wear itself out. And when that happens, it will lose it’s effect.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

A Blessing that Feels Like a Curse

20 Comments

Now, more than ever, we must stand up for our God, our beliefs, and convictions. We must be true to ourselves, our hearts, and to the people who love us, and we must do it boldly and confidently. We must know ourselves inside and out.

In short, we must have the courage to be different.

The blessings of critical thinking and self-care can be dangerous today.

Sadly, in the last two years, this country has gotten so divided that people have lost family and who were once close friends over their beliefs, their convictions, their values, and their traditions. I’ve lost a few friends myself. However, I’m not afraid to lose people. It’s only God’s way of removing the people who were imposters all along and never deserved to be in my life in the first place.

Hey! I know it’s hard. But if you’ve lost people the last few years because of our divisive government and society, I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. Your beliefs and convictions are yours and you own them. And again, God is taking out your trash for you.

Therefore, sometimes, what is a blessing can feel like a curse. Some blessings require pain and sacrifice. But it’s always worth it in the end. And, who knows? You might end up with much more than you ever lost.

The blessing of seeing who people really are.

Although these blessings are quite painful, I truly believe that these last two years are a test. They’re a test to see if you’re strong enough to stand in your truth no matter what it may cost you. Never be afraid to be yourself, speak your truth, and risk losing a person you only think is a friend.

These last two years have revealed so much to us. Among the revelations are the true faces of those we thought were friends and were smarter. Moreover, these last couple of years have shed new light on the true intentions of our so-called leaders, whom we thought were loyal to us.

If nothing else, remember this:

You don’t lose friends, you lose frauds.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Both a Blessing and a Curse

28 Comments

When you have a sharp BS detector and are able to see through others’ fakery and behind their douchebaggery, you have a special gift that few people have. That much is true. Moreover, with this gift, you can more easily avoid the many traps and pitfalls bullies, shysters, and con artists set up.

However, having this gift can be a curse. Although being awake and alert to lies, deceit, and bad intentions is both freeing and empowering, it can also be an excruciating and alienating journey. It can be lonely, confusing, and frightening. You often struggle as you try to process the insanity around you.

There is a reality that no one talks about- the darkness that accompanies your having this kind of sight. In fact, you may grieve what you thought, for so many years, was the truth. The realization that everything you once thought you knew turned out to be lies is, perhaps, the most difficult pill to swallow.

Furthermore, the people you once trusted, the principals you were taught, the beliefs you once held, the illusions you once had, and the life you once lived- when they turn out to be lies, it’s the hardest thing!

The Truth Hurts

Having your illusions shattered is never an enjoyable experience. However, with growth comes pain and discomfort and it doesn’t stop there. With these newfound revelations, you will often find yourself grieving again. You’ll grieve the loss of relationships with people you thought were friends and were smarter.

You’ll feel alone. And you’ll be ridiculed not only by acquaintances and passers by but sometimes by friends and family. You’ll realize that you never had nearly as much in common with the people you care about as you originally thought.

When you’re wise to bullshit, people will judge and ridicule you because they either don’t see what you do, or they do see it but are either living in denial or they’re too chicken to call it out.

Moreover, you might grieve the loss of your own ignorance because ignorance is bliss and reality is harsh. You might even find yourself wishing that you were still just as ignorant as they are because, if you were, you’d still fit in with them.

Having the sense to see through all the smoke screens can be a lonely road to travel. There’s no sugarcoating it- getting wise to the realities of the world and of the people around you can be brutal!

Most People Can’t Handle the Truth

Furthermore, the ability to dive down into the deepest, darkest rabbit holes and to remain functioning in daily life is a skill that we don’t talk about enough.

I’ve lost many people I thought were friends. However, I still consider myself one of the lucky few. Why? Because most of my family and my small circle of true friends? They get it and they get me. However, many of you aren’t so lucky. You’re struggling with feeling disconnected from your family and friends and it’s as though they exist in another world.

Just know that you’re not alone. Not only are you not alone, but you also have an entire tribe standing behind you. We may be separated by miles, but we’re deeply connected in purpose and spirit.

So, hold on to your faith and your dignity. Hold onto your truth and stand on it. Continue to be yourself and to press forward. Know that we’re here and we’ve got you! Most importantly, know that God’s here and He’s got you!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and “The Audience Effect”

6 Comments

Let’s face it. We all act differently in public than we do in private. Every single one of us- you, me, everyone. For instance, you certainly wouldn’t take off your clothes and run around in your underwear in public.

Also, to a small degree, we tailor our actions and responses according to who is present at a given time. Why? Because the people around us are always evaluating us whether we know it or not.

For instance,

bullies will tailor their behavior according to their audience. If they think the people around them will get fun and entertainment out of seeing them bully, they will continue. Also, if the bullies expect bystanders and authority to turn a blind eye, they will continue bullying. And they will mercilessly bully that target without fail.

Even worse,

if the bullies catch on that everyone- even the bystanders and witnesses, share an intense hatred of the target, not only will they continue to bully that target, but they will mercilessly escalate the torment. Because, if everyone hates the target, that’s when there are absolutely no boundaries, no limits, to the level of abuse the bullies will inflict.

On the other hand, what if the bullies think there’s even a possibility that the audience will sympathize with the target?

If the bullies think there’s a chance the audience might call them out on their abuse and help the target, you can bet they’ll likely stop the abuse. And, in the future, the bullies will more than likely think twice before bullying the target again.

Again,

If the target has no friends and isn’t supported, the bullies will bully that target without fail. However, if the target has friends, allies, and supporters, the bullies will likely leave that person alone and go find an easier target who has fewer friends, allies, and supporters or none at all.

Therefore, you must find ways to make friends and garner support if ever you find yourself in the cross hairs of bullies. I cannot stress enough the importance of a support system- even if it’s an outside support system. Not only will you be safer and more secure, but your mental health won’t suffer nearly as much.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

What Bullies Want You to Believe & What You Should Believe

2 Comments

Understand that bullies thrive on power and control. If they can’t control you, they’ll control how others view you. Also, they’ll use redundancy and repetition to make you believe their lies too. Here’s what they’re most likely to try and get you to think of yourself and what you should believe:

1.What bullies want you to believe

Apart from us, you can do nothing, you are nothing, and you never will be.

What you should believe

Apart from you, I’m better off. I can do anything I set my mind to do, I’m somebody, and later down the line, I’m going to be great and do great things.

2. What bullies want you to believe

You’ll never find happiness without our permission.

What you should believe

I don’t need your permission to be happy. I’m much happier without losers like you in my life.

3. What bullies want you to believe

Nobody will ever like or love you.

What you should believe

Maybe you never will, but I don’t mind because you don’t matter. There will be others who’ll love me for me. I’ll find my tribe.

4. What bullies want you to believe

You’re nothing without our approval.

What you should believe

I’m nothing with it because you are nothing. I don’t need your “approval” because it will never define me. Your opinion matters not because, for something to matter, you must first value it.

Therefore, always counter the statements, including the unspoken ones. You’ll be surprised at what it will do for your self-esteem and your spirit!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

3 Comments

Bullying can be devastating to a child’s or teen’s self-esteem. And the damage can last a lifetime. It can have a negative effect on their progress even into adulthood.

No, it isn’t your fault. You and your child are innocent in this, but you still must do some damage control.

The parents of bullies should teach them kindness and empathy, yes. However, the targets’ parents also have work to do- they must teach their children confidence. Neither side gets out of this without some degree of responsibility.

I realize that it isn’t fair that most of the confidence-building work must be done on the target’s end. But nothing in life is fair and we can’t change that reality. We, as parents of bullied children still have to take action. We still must do our part to ensure our children’s confidence stays in tact so that they’ll be able to flourish. Therefore, it’s up to us to tip the mental health balance more in the target’s favor.

Teaching targets confidence involves teaching them never to look to bullies, or anyone for that matter, for confirmation of their worth and validity. Most of all, it means creating experiences for them that naturally balance out all the negative experiences they face at school. To neglect this work would be devastating for our children!

How do you do that?

By giving them opportunities to make friends outside their toxic school environment.

For instance, they can join a martial arts class, a scout troop, or go to summer camp, to name a few. There are so many options available for targets to forge lasting friendships. And you will be amazed at just how it will help build their confidence and self-esteem.

Yes, kind words, encouragement, and verbally re-enforcing positivity to your child is important. But giving them the positive experiences that back up your well-meaning words will work doubly well because it will serve as confirmation that they really are good and normal kids and give the self-esteem that extra boost.

So, give your bullied child fun, exciting, and positive experiences that they can look back on with confidence and assurance! They will thank you for it later! I guarantee it!

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Sexual Harassment and the Bullied Girl

12 Comments

Sexual abuse in schools with a warning sign of a sex predator abusing and attacking young innocent student victims represented by a yellow hazard sign with the criminal act illustrated as a symbol.

Often, when a girl is a target of bullying, the torment she suffers leaves her wide open for sexual harassment.

And this isn’t discussed enough. The harassment can range from inappropriate and embarrassing comments to unwanted physical touching. Though I’m female and am writing this post from a female perspective, I do realize that this can happen to bullied young men as well.

I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from other female victims and survivors of bullying.  And I can relate because, numerous times, my bullies subjected me to this type of behavior when I was in junior high and high school. Young creeps on the bus, in the halls or the lunch line, would sneakily run a hand up my skirt, put their hands on my behind and other such disgusting acts.

As any woman or girl knows, when people hurl sexual comments at you, grope,  and feel you up, it leaves you feeling cheap and violated. And your first thought is to blame yourself. You wonder what you did to bring it about.

“Was my dress too short?”
“Were my jeans too tight?”
“Did I have on too much makeup?”

Even worse is when other girls blame you.

Yes! This happens all the time but most girls are silent about it. Other girls only assume that you “must have done something to make him do it”- that somehow, you “asked for it.”

Such incidences can attract the ire of the guys’ jealous girlfriends. Therefore, these girlfriends will accuse you of trying to steal their boyfriends. All the while, the pig who violated you walks away free as a bird. This only doubles the victimization. It’s no different from what a rape victim goes through!

Bullied girls can also be sexually harassed by other girls as well, only in different ways.

Girls harass other girls by verbal means, making statements such as,

“Nobody will $%#! you.”
“I’ll bet you’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
”You’d $%&# anything that moves!”

These are only a few. I’ve heard worse. Sometimes, the other girls will encourage the boys to harass the victim sexually, then turn it around on her, calling her a whore, slut, floozy- take your pick.

In school, I knew another bullied girl who others referred to as “Tuna Fish.” I’ll say no more.

Sexual harassment at work and workplace. Touch knee. Movement against sexual harassment

Understand that any time a female is the object of bullying, she has comments and remarks directed at her which are unspeakable. They’re so horrible and explicit that you don’t dare repeat them by mouth, much less write it in a book or article.

There is no limit to the low that bullies won’t sink.

They can be inventive to the raunchiest, raciest, dirtiest, most vile, hurtful and demeaning comments and actions. And anyone who hasn’t been on the receiving end of such would be shocked if they heard or saw some of the things a bullied girl has.

Understand that bullies show a side to their targets they would never in a million years show to anyone else.

Objects of bullying witness firsthand the shocking evil and cruelty of which people are capable, and they see the absolute darkest sides of the human character.

Bullies are experts at fooling bystanders and authority.

They are highly skilled at manipulating a social infrastructure. Bullies are also very aware that if the victim reports such abuse, others will not believe her. Why? Because the same bullies have meticulously ruined her once good reputation. And who’s going to take the word of someone with a notoriously bad name?

Understand that bullies will only show the worst sides of their characters to their victims and no one else. And why not? To bullies, the victim is both inferior and powerless.

When a person believes that you are inferior and powerless, they could care less about what you think of them.

As far as they’re concerned, any opinions you have are irrelevant. Whereas, anyone the bullies see as equals or superiors will only see the best sides of their character.

With that said, if you are a bullied female, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that it isn’t your fault. Know that you never asked for that kind of behavior, nor brought any of it on yourself.

And if you are bullied and endure sexual harassment, do not take any blame for it. And for goodness sake, don’t be afraid to report it! Know that bullying will not last forever. When I became an adult, the bullying stopped, and I am now very well-liked, loved, and respected.

I want you to know that this is only one chapter in your life, not the entire book. You too can overcome and move on to love, happiness, and success. Just don’t give up! You are beautiful! You are a great person despite what others may tell you or how they may treat you. And there are people who love you and care for you!

You are worth fighting for! You are worth living for!

3 Ways Living in Survival Mode Robs You of Personal Power

4 Comments

Living in survival mode can make for a hellish life. Sadly, many targets of bullying go through day-to-day life surviving instead of thriving. Not only can it have an impact on your successes with your family, relationships, and opportunities, it can affect your mental and physical health as well.

Personal power isn’t only essential to personal freedom, but also the last vestige of power we have. Without it, we’re completely powerless. So, what are the ways that being in survival mode can rob you of your personal power?

1. It exhausts you both physically and mentally.

And when you’re exhausted, you’re only running on fumes. You need extra sleep and have trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. You go into work or school at 8am dreading the day. Your butt drags around like an old, tired dog. You have zero energy, and you constantly feel sluggish. Living off raw adrenaline every day is never good and can cause health problems, such as autoimmune disorders, hypertension, and heart issues.

2. Instead of living, you only exist.

Instead of living a purposeful life, you only go through the motions. You’re being forced by circumstances beyond your control (i.e., bullies and their sycophants) to just get by. You have no chance of reaching your full potential and happiness quotient. And if you feel you can’t reach those levels, you don’t really live.

3. You either don’t have time to think about personal goals or you give up on them altogether.

When you busy living in survival mode, you’ll more than likely give up on your goals. Once you resign yourself, then the goal simply becomes just to survive and get through the day. If you do think about your goals, those goals are only passing thoughts. Or you wish for your goals to materialize.

But here’s the thing about wishing instead of goal setting. Wishing denotes a spirit of lack instead of the spirit of abundance. A spirit of lack only invites more lack to come into your life. Thoughts and feelings become our circumstances. What we think about, if even subconsciously, comes about.

Sadly, getting out of survival mode is a lot easier said than done. So, how do you do it?

Realize that when you’re constantly in survival mode, it usually means that you either live in a toxic environment, work in one, or go to school in one. And where there’s a toxic environment, there are toxic people.

Again, how do you get out of survival mode so you can finally relax and begin to enjoy life?

1. If you can, get out of the environment.

Getting away from the toxic place is a sure-fire way to reduce your stress levels and restore your mental health as well as your personal power. However, some people can’t leave because they have circumstances that prevent them from doing so. So, if you can’t leave, what else can you do?

2. You drawn strength from your faith.

Remember that prayer works. It works wonders.

3. Go for a walk or take a break.

This works wonders as well. Going for a walk or taking a break gives you time away from toxic people and the environment you’re stuck in. Even five minutes of time away can reduce your stress levels. In just doing these things alone, you can exercise your personal power, or what little of it you think you have left. And it feels exhilarating!

Know that you always have a choice, you may not have many of them, but you have at least one choice. Find out what your options are and use them. Only then will you feel a degree of personal freedom and, therefore get out of survival mode, if only temporarily, so that you can finally breathe again.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Bullying and Plausible Deniability

16 Comments

Most bullying is emotional and psychological torture. Sure, there are many physically violent bullies out there and they are psychologically traumatizing enough using their fists. However, physical bullies are either (a)not very socially intelligent and persuasive, (b) attack in groups wearing masks over their faces to give them anonymity, (c) so well-connected that they’re almost untouchable, or (d) couldn’t care less about the consequences they will face.

The reason most bullies prefer psychological violence is because there are no bruises, cuts, wounds, scars, or any visible marks on the target’s body. And without visible marks, there’s no proof of the abuse. Therefore, when you report the abuse, the perpetrators aren’t likely to get into trouble for it and you stand more of a chance of being accused of being too sensitive, paranoid, or mentally ill.

These are the reasons I recommend being prepared when you know you must walk into a snake pit.

Here are ways to gather evidence:

1. Document the abuse- I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it many more. It’s crucial to document each bullying incidence and do it in detail. Use the 5W method- (What, who, why, when, where…and sometimes how) write down what happened, who was involved, who were the bystanders and witnesses, why the bullying incident happened (retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?) when it happened (date and exact time of incidence) and where it happened (school bathroom, locker room, gym, behind the school, the parking lot, etc.).

2. Wear a body camera- If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction and the laws permit you to wear one, I recommend you wear a body camera. In fact, I can’t stress it enough! Body cams that record both video and audio are your best bet, but if you can only get a cam that records video, that’s fine too as you can still capture physical attacks and body language. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a video is worth a thousand pictures because if bullying is caught on video, there’s no question that it’s happening and it’s the best evidence you can get!

3. Keep a digital recorder handy- These are good for recording verbal altercations and many of them today can play recorded sound that is clear and not muffled.

4. Make 3-4 Copies of your evidence- Whether it’s documentation, body cam recordings, or digital audio recordings, it’s always best to make several copies of the evidence because schools, companies, and other entities are notorious for (deliberately) misplacing and losing a target’s evidence of bullying. Yeah, I know. Convenient, isn’t it?

5. Keep each of your copies in different (undisclosed) locations- This is so important! Because, if you think school districts and companies haven’t snooped through a target’s office, or worse, hired people to break into their houses to search for evidence they can dispose of, you’re wrong! When it comes to the threat of being sued, schools and companies will resort to anything, and I mean anything!

6. Screenshot and save any nasty and abusive emails, texts, or private messages- Very important! Any time bullies resort to cyber-bullying you via email, text, or private message, they automatically leave a paper trail! Screenshot it, save it, and, if need be, print them all out. Make copies of them and the files. Store each copy in an entirely different place (your house, your grandma’s house, your lawyer’s office, etc.) Store them in a fireproof safe!

They snoop through your garbage when you put it out on the street for the trash-men to pick up the next morning, break into your vehicle, and other nefarious things to cover their butts. I’ve read many an article about these things happening to targets of bullying, whether in school, the workplace, or community. And in today’s world, bullies are now targeting their victims for surveillance drones and school boards are targeting parents with electronic surveillance as well, then spreading their private information and pictures of children to some evil entities.

It’s a very dangerous world nowadays and you never know what sick people you just might be dealing with.

gavel and soundblock of justice law and lawyer working on wooden desk background

I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your own evidence. Quietly do your own investigation. It’s pointless to rely on the school or workplace to investigate for you because the results will only be in the bullies’ and the investigating entity’s favor, not yours! Never, ever trust anyone else to gather evidence or investigate for you. When you’re targeted for bullying, you cannot afford to trust anyone but yourself and I’m not joking! When you’re bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. The only person you can depend on is you. Only you can gather the evidence you need to prove that you’re targeted by bullies, take legal action, and get justice.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

The Devil is Always In The Details

18 Comments

Even as a child, I noticed things that other people never paid attention to. At school, I was often accused of not paying attention in class because I was distracted by other things- the black mold in the upper corners of the classroom walls at Oakley Junior High (The building had been built during the 1940s), the spider’s web in one of the light fixtures, a red wasp that flew through one of the partially opened windows, etc.

Maybe I would notice the loud roar of a plane flying overhead, or the squeak of a mouse trapped in the classroom waste can. Or maybe I had the revolting displeasure of seeing the butt-crack of the fat boy sitting in front of me, who had a terrible habit of not pulling his pants up.

Whatever it was, and no matter how tiny the detail, I noticed it and others were often threatened by that. And, just maybe, the reason they were so threatened is because of the overall likelihood that I might see through all the bullshit that certain unscrupulous classmates and school officials tried to shovel. Or I’d notice the “fine print” in the stories and narratives they tried to sell me.

People also hated that during a conversation, I often went deep and tried to dissect everything I’d see or hear. But! As annoying as it may have been, I believe that what many people hated was the likelihood that, in my many deep dives, I’d expose true motives and hidden nefarious intentions. Because it’s only when you dissect something and go deep, you find the real malignancies  underneath.

The devil truly is in the details!

Your Key to Happiness

22 Comments

To me, the key to happiness is finding purpose- a purpose that’s so much bigger than yourself, and contributing to it. Happiness comes when you answer a calling and make it your passion, purpose, and life’s work. Becoming an advocate for the bullied and tackling things about bullying that few people think about is where I get my happiness.

That purpose is informing others aspects of bullying that no one talks about and in that, helping targets reclaim their personal power. This is so much bigger than me. And it’s why it feels so rewarding!

Contributing to helping others more successfully battle bullying isn’t for material gain, fame, or fortune. It’s for my spiritual fulfillment. It’s the inner rewards I get. Rewards of the heart- knowing that this is making a difference and making the world a better place- even if just a little bit.

There’s no reward that matches that! I want to be the person I needed when I was targeted years ago.

Sure. Material rewards are nice, don’t get me wrong. And I certainly won’t turn them down if I’m ever blessed with them. I would love to make a good living doing what I love. After all, I’m human too.

But at the end of the day, the inner rewards- the rewards to the heart and spirit are more satisfying than I ever thought they would be.

It’s what keeps me going and it’s where my fulfillment comes from.

Truth: They Don’t Know Why They Hate You, They Just Do

20 Comments

It’s true. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies more than likely don’t consciously know why they hate you. So, what do they do? They make up reasons.

And the reasons they make up arise from confabulations and hasty generalizations. The reasons also come from long-standing rumors that turn into myths.  These myths may have been around for years- even decades. When a myth or generalization has been the narrative long enough, it goes unquestioned and takes on a life of its own. It’s “just the way it is.” As a result, people become “biased” against the target.

When bullies and others are biased against a person, they accept any myth as truth, and this bias keeps bullies wound up and ready to hurt the target. Bias blinds people and claims to know the truth about a person or group of people without concrete evidence or firsthand knowledge.

People support biases with stereotypes, which are only lies and opinions repeated so often and for so long until society accepts them as the truth.

But know this. If you’re a target of bullies, although others may tag you with labels that don’t apply to you, you don’t have to accept them nor let them define who you are. Only you can define yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. Understand that nobody knows the inner you but you.

Know that you have the power to accept or reject labels. Use that power. Reject your bullies’ definitions of you. Bullies may have a degree of control over your surroundings and, yes, even your physical well-being. They may also control how others view you.

But they can never control what you think of yourself. Bullies can’t control your mind and thoughts without your permission. That power belongs to you and you alone.

Why Bullies Must Work Like a Dog to Keep Up the Facades

5 Comments

Targets are naturally resistant to bullies. They may give in at the moment and for a little while to stay safe, but eventually, they find a way to rebel and break free. And they do it either fighting or fleeing and escape. No one likes to be controlled. Therefore, bullies face resistance from others all their lives, whether that resistance is passive, aggressive, or both.

It’s only natural that we push against someone who makes us out to be someone we’re not. As bullies must fight harder and harder to maintain control of their targets and tighten their grip, the weight of their own lies and manipulations gets heavier on their shoulders. And bullies must consistently search for better ways to cover their lies and keep their targets silent and subdued.

In other words, bullies get by only on appearances. The facades they maintain and fronts they put on are only illusions and mirages. So, they have no leg to stand on, and the constant threat of being exposed weighs heavily on them. The lives of bullies are filled with smoldering hot spots that threaten to blaze again, and they are forever running around pouring buckets of water on these hotspots to make sure they don’t ignite.

Bullies have an insatiable need to be A-1 best, or, at least, give that impression. They must continuously struggle to maintain control of everyone and everything, and that’s not easy.

Once a bully justifies wrongdoing, they must then obtain agreement from others. How else can they avoid accountability and feel good about themselves when they’re living a make-believe world of lies, fabrications, and confabulations?

And when a bully seeks agreement from any outside source against a target, their insecurity is (or should be) even more apparent.

But sadly, most people can’t see clear enough to recognize it because they’re too fearful. Understand that emotions, such as intense fear, anger, or upset, renders people unable to think clearly and blinds them to subtle signs, evidence, subtexts, and contradictions they’d otherwise see.

In that critical moment, a person encounters a bully; he must keep his head straight and realize that the bully is the fearful one. That is not easy to do. When faced with a threatening situation, it’s hard to think because your logical mind shuts down, and the primal brain takes center stage.

Still, bullies must work the hardest to cover themselves, and they’re angry, resentful, and bitter because they don’t understand why it is that they have to fight so hard and so consistently.

Bullies are always banging their heads against the brick wall of life because they’re against healthy exchanges of information and ideas. Bullies are also closed to any new ideas and information. They’re resistant to responsibility and teamwork. They don’t respect anyone unless it’s beneficial to them.

You’ve got to pity people such as these because one can only imagine what a difficult life they must lead. It’s hard to hate someone who lives such a pitiful existence.

Many other targets may get offended at me for choosing to pity bullies. But look at it like this, wouldn’t you rather be hated than pitied? I know I would. At least there’s dignity in being hated.

So, if you’re a target of bullying, know that you’re much better off than your bullies are, although it may not seem like it. Take comfort in it.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Will We Ever Stop Bullying Completely? Here’s Your Answer.

9 Comments

Everywhere you look, you see slogans like, “Stop Bullying,” “Eradicate Bullying,” “No Bullying,” and other slogans. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s actually a great thing with great intentions behind it.

We’d love to think that we could someday. Again, the above slogans are well-meaning and come from a good place, so I’m certainly not against such slogans.

However, the question remains. “Will we ever stop bullying completely?”

The reality is, no. We will never be able to completely annihilate bullying. Why? You may ask? It’s because bullying is an unfortunate and ugly part of human nature. Understand that we live in a fallen world and, in a fallen world, bullying will always exist.

This is not to say that bullying is okay, because it isn’t. In no way is this an excuse, but humans can be horrible predators. Yes. We should hold bullies accountable for their rotten behavior. But we should also teach targets of the mindsets of bullies and how they operate.

We should teach targets on how to reframe the attacks and psychological warfare that bullies launch against them.

For example, when a bully puts down and tries to define the target, we should teach the target not to think thoughts like:

“I must have done something wrong or to make him (the bully) angry”

or

“There must be something wrong with me.”

Instead, we should teach targets to think these kinds of thoughts when they’re attacked: 

“The bully is doing something wrong,”

“There’s something wrong with the bully, not me,”

“The bully is the one with the problem.”

“The bully is the one acting like a fool and I don’t want him around me.”

Here’s another Example:

If you’re a target of bullying and a bully calls you a wimp, you should counter the bully’s attack by saying:

“No! You’re the wimp! Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel the need to be so loud, obnoxious, and rude!”

Always counter the bully’s attack, then call out his/her behavior.

This is how you reframe the bullies’ attacks and save your self-esteem. We must teach targets to see through bullies’ facades and acts of toughness, then counter them and call them out. We should also teach targets to stand up for themselves in case the bullies become violent. Only then will targets reclaim their power and cease to be targeted.

With knowledge comes empowerment!