Category: bullying

Low Self-Esteem Causes: 3 Things that Crush Your Confidence

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‘Want to know all the low self-esteem causes? Here are seven things that trigger low self-esteem, along with actions you can take to reverse them.

low self-esteem causes

Low self-esteem doesn’t just happen. It is caused. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the low self-esteem causes so that you can heal yourself.

Once you learn all about these essential facts, you will be able to recognize the early warning signs and take steps to repair things early.

This post is all about low self-esteem causes so that you can take steps to save it when someone tries to put a dent in it.

Low self-Esteem CAuses

Insecurity and a lack of confidence are not characteristics that we’re born with. They are taught!

People begin chipping away at your self-esteem when you are a small child. Bullies and abusive family members can program it into you. This is no secret.

However, well-meaning family members can also give it to you. And they do it, thinking that they are teaching you humbleness and humility. Granted, these characteristics are both good virtues to have, but only in moderation.

Too much of it can cause you to suppress a little too much of yourself. When you’re too humble, you hide your own extraordinary personalities, talents, and gifts.

It can grow into insecurity and, in worst cases, self-loathing.

Low Self-Esteem is taught

Each one of us is born with confidence and a heart of gold. However, over time, your environment, circumstances, and sadly, the people in your life can slowly erode the natural confidence and goodness you were born with.

Once someone has hurt you so many times, you withdraw from others. You put up a barrier to protect yourself. And you turn cold and harden yourself to numb the feelings of rejection and pain.

Low Self-Esteem Causes:

The Slow Erosion of Self-Esteem

Before long, you regard others’ feelings and suffering with indifference. In other words, you don’t give a crap about anyone. You don’t care how they feel or what they think.

Sometimes, you even grow cold toward the people who love you because you lose the ability to trust them. You no longer have any respect for others, much less yourself.

Lastly, you arrive at that dark place where schadenfreude takes hold of your personality. And you secretly or openly take pleasure in seeing others, especially those you hate, suffer.

 Low Self-Esteem Comes From Not Knowing Who You Are

Abusive family members and bullies aren’t the only ones who can squash your self-esteem. Media, movies, music, and politicians can also cause you to feel bad about yourself.

You see those with victim mentality, those running around in fear, and those who carry unnecessary guilt.

1. Fear.

Many politicians and news personalities try to cause fear in the masses. Bullies do the same. They instill fear in you by threatening physical harm or smear campaigns. All of them do it to keep you under their power.

Love Self-Esteem Causes:

2. Victimhood.

Media, politicians, and bullies also use the victim card to keep you down. Bullies also tell you that you can’t do anything to better your situation.

They try to convince you that you’re stuck with no way out. They also try to convince you that you’re their victim and always will be.

Politicians and media also try to convince certain ones that they’re victims and can’t rise above it. They also make them believe that others hate them and are blocking them from success.

If someone can convince you that you’re a victim and that there’s nothing you can do to change it, then you’re least likely even to want to try at anything. Right?

Again, they all do this to maintain power over them.

3. Guilt.

Media and politicians use guilt and gaslighting to control particular groups of people. Bullies also use guilt to control you.

Why? Because they all know that someone who feels guilty of something will do desperate things to prove that they’re not guilty. A guilt-stricken person will bend over backwards to make up for their (perceived) transgressions.

For example, several year ago, we saw people kneeling before certain groups to virtue signal and prove they weren’t evil. And while these people were kneeling, those they were kneeling before only laughed. It was quite pathetic.

Bullies, media, and politicians will convince their targets that they’re inherently evil. They’ll send the message that somehow, the targets are responsible for the evil in the world.

Low Self-Esteem Causes:

When you know who you are, you don’t need to prove it.

I want you to understand that you are not responsible for someone else’s unspeakable actions. ‘You see? Here’s the thing. If you know that you aren’t any of the things they call you, you don’t have to prove it.

You’ll refuse to demean yourself by bending over backwards and jumping through hoops to convince these idiots that you are not what they call you. Why? Because you know you don’t have to.

If you know who you are, what you stand for, and that you haven’t done anything wrong, you know. Your virtues are there whether others see them or not.

You’ll let your goodness and humanity speak for themselves. Let your truth do the talking for you. Stop being afraid of being labeled.

Stop being a victim.

If you think you’re a victim, stop this thinking. Realize that you have more power than you know. And if you want to change your life for the better, no one can stop you unless you let them.

If you’re carrying guilt that isn’t your burden to carry, stop it right now. Know that a fearful person who feels guilty is controllable. Don’t be that person!

Instead, be the person whose positivity, love, and good deeds speak for themselves. Remember that we’re all human beings deserving of dignity and love.

Remember, it all starts when we are children. Therefore, parents, here are ways to build your children’s self-esteem.

Low Self-Esteem CAuses:

Ways to Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Bullying can be devastating to a child’s self-esteem. And the damage can last a lifetime. It can harm their progress even into adulthood.

But understand that, if you aren’t abusive, you didn’t cause your child’s low self-esteem. It isn’t your fault. You and your child are innocent in this. However, you still must do some damage control.

Teach them kindness and empathy, yes. However, you also have work to do. You must teach the children confidence. Neither of you gets out of this without some degree of responsibility.

I realize that it isn’t fair that most of the confidence-building work must be done on the victim’s end. However, nothing in life is fair, and we can’t change that reality.

If your child is bullied, you still need to take action. You must do your part to ensure that the children’s confidence stays intact. Why? So that they can flourish.

Therefore, it’s up to parents to tip the confidence balance more in the kids’ favor.

Teaching children confidence means teaching them never to look to bullies for validity. Most of all, it means creating experiences for them that naturally balance out all the negative experiences they face at school.

To neglect this work would be devastating for our children! How do you build a child’s self-esteem?

1. Low Self-Esteem Causes:

Teach them never to seek validation from anyone who mistreats them.

Many victims mistakenly seek validation from the very people who crush it. This is a losing battle. Why? Because when you seek approval from bullies and their followers, they will let you down every time.

And it will only reinforce the low self-esteem they already have. Teach the kids to seek approval from the right people—those who love and care for them. Those people will affirm their validation, and their self-esteem will skyrocket.

2. Give them opportunities to make friends outside their toxic school environment.

For instance, your kid can join a martial arts class or a scout troop. Also, you can send them to summer camp. Maybe you can get them involved in a church group.

There are so many options available for victims of bullying to forge lasting friendships. And you will be amazed at just how it will help build their confidence and self-esteem.

Yes, kind words, encouragement, and verbal reinforcement of positivity are essential. However, giving kids the positive experiences that back up your well-meaning words will work doubly well.

Why? Because it will serve as confirmation that they really are good kids and give their self-esteem that extra boost.

So, give your little guy or little girl fun, exciting, and positive experiences that they can remember fondly! They will thank you for it later! I guarantee it!

3. Low Self-Esteem Causes:

When they tell you they’re being bullied, believe them.

One of the biggest causes of low self-esteem is when a child tells their parents they’re being bullied, and they don’t believe it. Or, they ask them to ignore it.

As a parent, you must be your child’s primary source of support. Moreover, you must teach them assertive and confident ways to respond to bullying attacks.

Ignoring them will not make bullies go away. However, a confident response will. And you’ll be surprised at how it boosts self-esteem.

This post was all about low self-esteem causes so that you will recognize them and take steps to guard your confidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Correct It

2. Guilt by Association Fallacy: How It Brings About Bullying

3. Causes of Bullying: 9 Proven Factors That Trigger Bullying

4. Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

5. Confident Person Example: Who Are the Most Confident People?

what bullying does to the victim at school

What Bullying Does to the Victim: Top 6 Effects of Bullying

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‘Want to know what bullying does to the victim? Here are the top 3 negative impacts of bullying on victims.

what bullying does to the victim

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bullying can have devastating effects on the victim. Therefore, in this post, you will learn precisely what bullying does to the victim so that you can protect yourself if you ever find yourself in the crosshairs of a bully.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be better able to shield yourself from the effects of bullying.

This post is all about what bullying does to the victim, so that you can recognize it and find ways to counteract it.

What Bullying Does to the Victim

Bullies will often bully a specific victim for so long that the victim eventually expects maltreatment from all people. If you’re a survivor of bullying, you may no longer get bullied.

Like me, you may have long since regained your confidence and self-esteem. However, you still remember the feelings you had during that time. Only you couldn’t put names to the effects that bullying was having on you.

Here’s what bullying does to victims.

1. It instills a false sense of insecurity in them.

After being bullied for so long, you become fearful. Around people, you clam up, keep your eyes to yourself, and go about your business.

However, it seldom works because bullies are like a pack of pit bulldogs. They can smell fear from a mile away. Therefore, being reserved and staying out of the way tends to attract more bullying.

2. It instills fear and Anxiety.

You continuously apologize for everything. Over-apologizing is the surefire sign of bullying and abuse. Being reserved and the fear of looking people in the eye are also signs.

Understand that you do these things because you’re scared to death. You’ve lost all sense of your worth. Moreover, you are afraid to make decisions on your own.

Why? Because you fear that you’ll make the wrong choices and people will ridicule you for it.

You’re afraid to talk to people. Because you know that, others will bully you no matter what you say. You realize that bullies don’t want you talking. They only want you to stay quiet.

You know that people will accuse you of saying something offensive or foolish. And they’ll persecute you for it. They’re fearful of going out or being seen in public because they might run into the wrong people (bullies).

They’re scared to greet people because they fear being perceived as too friendly. But if they say nothing, they’re often mistaken for being stuck up or standoffish.

What Bullying Does to the Victim:

If you are a victim of bullying and you do any of the above, STOP!

You don’t have to live in obscurity. Living your life in fear is no way to live! It sucks!

It’s a downright miserable existence. And you should flat refuse to keep your head down and clam up to make other people feel better!

I want you to realize that you don’t need permission to exist! You don’t need approval to be yourself.

The day you say, “Screw it! Who cares what those idiots think!” will be the day you get your life back. Things may get worse before they get better.

But it’ll be worth it in the long run. I guarantee it.

3. It gives them negative self-beliefs.

  • “Nobody will ever love me.”
  • “Nothing good can ever happen to me.”
  • “Human beings are predators and love drama.”
  • ”It sucks to be me!”

Those may be your beliefs now. However, I’m living proof that you can overcome low self-esteem.

What Bullying does to the Victim:

Bullying is a form of Brainwashing.

The reason you have these self-defeating beliefs is that bullying is a form of brainwashing. When you have been an object of bullying for so long, you begin seeing yourself through your bullies’ eyes.

In other words, after people tell you for so long that you aren’t good enough, you eventually believe it yourself. And those negative self-beliefs only hold you back.

Why? Because the bullshit those creeps have drummed into your head becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!

4. It causes Low Self-Worth.

Because bullying is so repetitive, it causes you to think that you don’t deserve to be happy. You become so fearful that you stop taking risks and play it safe.

You settle for far less than what you deserve. And you get even less than what you settled for.

You select friends who are below your level – people you don’t really want to be friends with. You date people you aren’t even remotely attracted to. All because you believe you can’t do any better.

As long as there’s a warm body around, it’s good enough. But realize that you’re not only being unfair to yourself, but also to those you select.

You deserve to be with people you want to be with and who want to be with you. And they deserve to be with people they choose and who choose to be with them.

Never choose to be with someone because you think they’re the only option you have. That’s not fair to you or them.

5. What Bullying Does to the Victim:

It causes Victims to Lose Trust in Humanity.

You develop the mindset that good fortune happens to others, but not to you. Also, you lose faith in humanity. In other words, you start thinking that all people are rotten and take pleasure in harming others.

This only causes you to miss out on what could be wonderful friendships and relationships. As a result, it only reinforces the loneliness and isolation.

This is what bullying does to you. It reprograms your mind and smashes your self-esteem to pieces. And that sometimes takes years to rebuild.

It causes you to do things that you usually wouldn’t do. I say this because it happened to me.

6. Bullying convinces victims to stop practicing self-care.

A little bit of selfishness is okay, even imperative at times! If you’re a victim of bullying, you may have others accuse you of being selfish. And they may do this when you take care of yourself.

Moreover, they may also shame you into believing that anything you do for yourself is wrong. Therefore, you put yourself on the back burner, and everyone else comes first.

However, realize that you do this at your own expense!

You’re afraid to say “no” to people. Why? Because, in the past, people have retaliated against you for daring to set a boundary. In fact, others may have forbade you from setting limits and forced you to “let” others violate you.

This can cause you not to value yourself as a person. That’s why you must stand up to those who have this kind of attitude. And do it no matter how they react.

What Bullying Does to the Victim:

It’s Time to Put Your Foot Down and Say, “No More!”

When you’ve had enough, you’ll know it. And when you finally got mad at the direction your life is headed. you will decide, “No more!”

Get proactive with your life. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. You have to be hungry – hungry for positive change.

Take the first step toward empowerment by reading as many personal development books as you can. Then, put the advice from those books into practice.

Realize that reprogramming yourself won’t be easy! But it will be worth it in the end.

Changing destructive thoughts and habits you’ve had for years is hard. It’s damn hard! It takes a lot of hard work and, above all, patience. Why? Because change doesn’t happen overnight.

change isn’t easily made.

Your mind will fight you every step of the way. It will take several years for you to notice a significant difference in your thought patterns.

However, if you stick with it, it will pay off in a big way!

Placing value on yourself and doing the work to better your life is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself. But don’t do it for me and don’t do it to impress your bullies or anyone else. Do it for yourself!

Do it because you’re hungry for change!

You must value yourself, even when it seems that others don’t. Keep fighting even when it appears that you’re losing the battle. Oftentimes, when things look bleakest, your breakthrough is just around the corner.

You don’t have to be a victim. Love yourself and put yourself first, then reach out to only those who reciprocate love to you. Turn a deaf ear to your bullies’ harmful talk. Send the toxic people packing! This is how you can protect yourself from the effects of bullying. In fact, you bully-proof yourself.

Because you’re worth it! And you can do it! I promise you!

This post was all about what bullying does to the victim so that you can recognize the symptoms in yourself and take steps to change your life for the better.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Effects of Bullying: 17 Negative Results on Victims

2. Effects of Bullying on the Victim: 13 Symptoms of Bullied People

3. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies

4. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

5. Bullying and Psychological Effects: 11 Emotions Victims Feel

bullying is

Bullying: What Is It? And What are the 10 Types of It?

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Want to know what bullying is and what signs you should recognize? Here’s what it is and how to know when you or someone else is being bullied.

bullying

Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people around the globe.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the basics of it. You will learn exactly what it is and all the signs you need to know to protect yourself.

Once you learn all these essential details, you will be better equipped to protect yourself against the onslaught and emerge as a survivor, rather than a victim.

What is Bullying?

Bullying is unwanted aggression that becomes a repeated pattern of aggressive behaviors against the same person over a long period of time. A large group of people typically commits it against an individual and involves an imbalance of power.

In life, you’ll deal with difficult people. You will meet many jerks who act rudely and obnoxiously. However, just because a person is rude doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Everyone deals with incivility, but not everyone gets bullied.

Incivility is a part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is sick and twisted. Although a jerk’s behavior is hurtful and harmful, it doesn’t mean they’re bullying you.

Before we proceed, let’s define what bullying is.

Bullying – The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.

The Misuse of the term “Bullying”

In today’s climate, people use the word too loosely. Moreover, they use it to describe situations that don’t fit its use.

In fact, many place this label on anyone who says anything they disagree with.

Therefore, we must learn to distinguish between bullying and other forms of conflict.

Sadly, bullying has become a blanket term. People use it to describe anyone who says or does something they dislike. Sure. Some are jerks. However, it doesn’t necessarily make them bullies.

Therefore, when society sticks this label where it doesn’t belong, it deprives people of the right to have their own opinions. This is wrong.

So, what are the differences between incivility and bullying?

Bullying has 5 Characteristics.

1. Power imbalance.

Bullying always thrives on an imbalance of power. In other words, the bully usually has more power than the victim. For example, bigger bullies in school often ride roughshod over much smaller victims. The power these bullies have over their victims is usually based on their size and physical strength.

Another example would be the tyrannical manager. The power the manager holds over their subordinates is derived from their position in the company. Moreover, he has the ability to feed themselves and their family in the palm of his hand.

Therefore, he bullies those employees at will simply because he can, and there’s nothing they can do about it without losing their jobs.

It’s the same with the evil sheriff. His position in the county government is his power, and he can plant drugs in the vehicles of his targets and possibly ruin their lives.

So, who’s going to believe the targets when they claim they are innocent? Who’d take the word of a perceived criminal over an officer of the law? This is the power this sheriff holds. People know he’s evil, but they stay out of his way to keep from becoming next on his list.

Therefore, it always involves a power imbalance. The bully is always the one with the most power.

2. Repetition.

The aggression is repeated. Moreover, they are repeated over long periods of time (anywhere from several weeks to several years). And because bullying persists over time, it also escalates if left unchecked.

3. Bullying Seeks to do harm.

Bullying seeks to do deliberate harm, not only physically, but also psychologically and emotionally. It tears down confidence, crushes self-esteem, and ruins the lives of many innocent people. It’s just what it’s designed to do.

4. It targets the same victim.

Bullying singles out one target or targeted group. Therefore, bullies carry out repeated acts against these targets over time. This aggression only ends when the targets leave the bullies’ environment, either by relocation, transfer, or death.

5. The repeated aggression persists for a long time (over several weeks, months, or years).

Bullies repeat harmful acts of aggression against their targets over the long haul. Moreover, it lasts for weeks, months, or years until the targets somehow leave the toxic environment and are no longer within the bullies’ reach.

Therefore, in short, the bully has more power than the victim. Moreover, the person must carry on repeated acts of unwanted and harmful aggression against the same victim over a long period.

Bullying is often confused with:

1. Disagreements, arguments, and debates

Disagreements aren’t bullying. Why? Because everyone disagrees; couples, siblings, and parents may disagree and do so quite often.

In other words, someone who disagrees with you is not bullying you. They only have a difference of opinion or perspective. Understand that we all have different life experiences, backgrounds, and belief systems.

Although it may not always feel good when someone disagrees with us, they are still not bullies.

However, it would become bullying if the person repeatedly singled you out with personal attacks. Then they would be a bully for doing that.

2. Someone says something you don’t like or voices an opinion you don’t like.

This isn’t bullying. People say things others don’t like every day, but it doesn’t make them bullies. For example, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers by saying,

“I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

Again, this is NOT bullying. It’s only voicing an opinion.

However, if the person continued this behavior for a long time. And if they spread rumors about the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood, then yes!

3. Misunderstandings are not classified as bullying.

Here’s another example: if a 6’5” tall and muscular knucklehead on the street bumps into you and says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. This isn’t bullying either.

Is the person a total jackass? Absolutely. Does he think you might have run into him on purpose? Probably. However, he isn’t necessarily a bully.

Now,  what if he deliberately ran into you and shot his mouth off to you every day, every time he saw you? Also, what if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

Then, the answer is yes! He would be considered a bully because he would use his size and height to intimidate you. And he’d be repeating the behavior every day, only against you, but not against anyone else.

4. Stubbornness

For example, if I warned my next-door neighbor that he had a low tire? And what if he waved me away like shooing a fly? He wouldn’t be a bully. A stubborn ox, maybe. But not a bully.

5. Incivility and jerky behavior

For example, a driver pulls out in front of me on the road. I slam on my brakes and blare my horn at him, and he flips me off. It doesn’t make him a bully. Does it make him an asshole? Absolutely, but not a bully.

Moreover, if two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s still doesn’t qualify, even if the argument is heated. But what if one of them resorts to repeatedly calling the other names, and it persists for a long time? That, my friends, is bullying!

If you understand what it is and what constitutes it, you can apply this knowledge to those who deserve the label.

Types of Bullying:

1. Physical

Physical bullying is the most obvious kind. It involves hitting, kicking, shoving, and choking. It starts as borderline behaviors, such as deliberately running into you in the hallways or tripping you. Also, bullies may brush past you or shoulder-check you.

They may even take their finger and flick your nose with it or spit on you. These kinds of people violate your physical boundaries, and if you ignore them, it will only escalate.

Therefore, the only way to handle these types is to stand up to them. Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.

Therefore, you must speak to them in the only language they understand. How you deal with physical bullies is to stand up for yourself by beating the ever-loving crap out of them. And you must do it so badly that they won’t ever want to tangle with you again. Only then will they leave you alone.

2. Psychological/Emotional

This type targets the victim’s emotions and mental health. It involves name-calling, cruel jokes, and pranks. It can also involve gaslighting, guilt trips, and triggering.

Moreover, its purpose is to undermine the victim’s self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, the best defense is to show them that they don’t faze you. Respond by countering it.

For example, you counter name-calling with humor or with a good burn that humiliates them. You can turn the tables on gaslighting by using counter-statements that shut it down. And you counter guilt-trips by seeing through their bullshit and refusing to feel guilty.

3. Verbal

The verbal kind uses the spoken word to cause psychological or emotional harm. Be aware that this type also falls into the psychological and emotional category.

Therefore, counter it by delivering a good burn or with humor. This takes the wind out of the idiot’s sail and makes you a not-so-easy target.

5. Non-Verbal

Non-verbal aggression is psychological and emotional because it causes fear. This type of aggression involves giving dirty looks or making threatening and obscene gestures. Examples of this kind of aggression are glaring at someone and flipping them off every time you see them.

Other examples include pounding a fist into their palm and looking at you. Standing too close to you and getting in your face also falls into this category.

Bullies may also sit in your chair, pick up your notebook, park in your parking space, or learn on your vehicle. This is designed to claim ownership of your property and territory.

How you stand up to this type of aggression is to look the creep in the eye and tell them to knock it off. You can tell them to get the hell out of your chair or off your car. Or, you can tell them to keep their paws off your notebook or get out of your parking space.

But whatever you do, don’t ignore it. Why? Because you will only reward their behavior and they’ll only continue to violate your boundaries.

6. Social/Relational

This also falls into the psycho/emotional category because it causes sadness and distress. Social discord. This includes gossiping, spreading rumors and lies, and launching smear campaigns.

How you respond to this is to confront the creep face-to-face. Call out the behavior and do it in front of an audience. If people believe the lies and rumors, see it as a revelation of the kind of people they are. If friends believe it, then find new friends.

7. Sexual

This type of bullying involves sexual comments and inappropriate touching. For example, the creep may grope you. They might grab your breast, behind, or crotch. Or, they may run their hand up your skirt.

Sexual comments include remarks about your private areas or sexual activity. For example, the aggressor may say, “you’d **** anything that moves.” Or they may tell you that you have a nice behind.

Whatever they do, you can respond by telling them to get lost or deliver a humiliating burn. This will likely make them think twice before repeating the behavior.

8. Gatekeeper Bullying

This type of bullying typically occurs in the workplace. However, it can happen anywhere, such as at school, in the neighborhood, or even within the family. Gatekeepers take control over resources, time, materials, information, and chance opportunities.

They can be individuals or groups. They’re the type who specialize in letting only certain people in and keeping others out of the loop.

They do this to limit your choices and opportunities because they deem you unworthy of them. Why? Because they either dislike you or hate you.

However, you can stand up to this kind of aggression by avoiding this person and accessing what you need from people you can trust.

9. Bullying By Proxy

These types of aggressors use other people to bully you. They may use the secret admirer bait and tell you that the proxy likes you right in front of him to get him to insult and humiliate you in public.

Or they may bait others by telling them that you said something bad about them. Either way, they get other people to harass you because they don’t have the balls to do it themselves.

Therefore, you must respond to this by calling the instigator out and standing up to the proxies who fall for their garbage.

10. Cyber-Bullying

This type of aggression is carried out through electronic means. Cyberbullies use mean and threatening texts, incendiary posts, cruel or sexual memes, and revenge porn to troll and humiliate their victims.

Please realize that these are the most cowardly creeps of all, and they stalk and attack you online to get a reaction out of you. Therefore, don’t respond to them… at all!

Instead, use the SBRE method: Screenshot, block, report, then expose. This quickly eliminates cyber trolls!

In Conclusion

Bullying is abuse. Therefore, you have a right to defend yourself against it. The best way to protect yourself is to gather evidence first, then present it when you report it.

This post was all about bullying so that you can know what it is and recognize it when it happens to you.

Related post you’ll enjoy:

1. Incivility vs Bullying

2. Sexual Bullying: Bullied Girls and Sexual Harassment in School

3. Imbalance of Power in Bullying: 3 Sources of Power for Bullies

4. Bullying and Power: 2 Categories of Power

5. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

the guilty conscience meaning

The Guilty Conscience: The Top 4 Ways Bullies Act When You Speak Up

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‘Want to know what the guilty conscience does to bullies? Here are all the ways bullies act when you finally speak out.

the guilty conscience

Have you noticed that whenever you speak out against bullying, the guilty parties always come after you and bark the loudest?

In this post, you will learn all about the guilty conscience and all the ways bullies act when you prick at their conscience by speaking out.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you will know what to expect when you expose their behavior. Even better, you will realize where it comes from when your bullies act out.

This post is all about the guilty conscience, so that you will feel less fearful of speaking out against bullying.

The Guilty Conscience

 Maybe you tell your story of the bullying and abuse that you, yourself, suffered in the past and how you’ve since overcome it.

Then, BOOM! Many haters emerge from the woodwork. They latch on and start screaming, cursing, and accusing you of everything under the sun.

Some of your old bullies may call you ugly names and threaten you. Their families and friends may even come for you on the internet. This happened to me after I published FVTV.

However, I knew where the behavior came from, so it did not faze me. If this has happened to you, realize that their behavior only comes from desperation.

Bullies with Guilty Consciences

The guilty dogs always bark the loudest. They will be the ones who get offended and engage in yelling, cursing, and throwing tantrums.

The very ones who’ve bullied and abused you in the past will come out in droves and attack you. See this as a given.

Additionally, you don’t have to call these people out by name to put them on the defensive. Why? Because knowing that you’re speaking out will make them very afraid. In fact, some will panic.

More than anything, it eats at their conscience! You don’t have to expose them necessarily. All you’ve got to do is say anything that pricks at their sense of guilt, and they go bonkers.

The Guilty Conscience:

you may also trigger People who haven’t met you or had anything to do with what happened to you.

You may also trigger strangers who may not know you or have anything to do with what was done to you. What matters is that you delivered a massive blow to their conscience!

Even worse, you made them feel dirty! And that alone drives people up the wall.

Though they may not necessarily have bullied and abused you, they may have done so to someone else. And hearing you talk about your experiences made you a reminder to them.

You caused them to think of the abuse they have inflicted on others in the past. Ouch!

It’s subconscious. They don’t realize it, and probably couldn’t explain it. All they know is that your story is rubbing them the wrong way and causing them a lot of anxiety.

This is the reason they freak out and flip their wigs.

The behavior of a guilty person is scary.

It’s happened to me. I’ve seen it up close. And believe you me, these folks become downright scary! Because when they lose it, their eyes seem to jump out at you. And they snarl when they yell at you. These people really come unglued!

But you must see their behavior for what it is, a sign of buried guilt. Understand that they are only revealing themselves. They’re ripping their own masks off and don’t realize they’re doing it.

Why would someone get so irate and have a complete meltdown if you weren’t stepping on their toes? If they didn’t feel that somehow, some way, you were talking about them, then why would they fly off the handle?

Really think about it. Pastors of churches often experience this phenomenon. During Sunday service, they’ll preach on a certain subject, then a few church members get angry over it and give him a hard time after the service is over.

My point is that if they knew they weren’t guilty of anything, they’d automatically know that the conversation wasn’t about them. Therefore, they wouldn’t care.

Remember that the people who get offended are the guilty ones. You can bet that they have, at some time, bullied you or another innocent person. Anger is revealing.

The Guilty Conscience:

4 Most Common Things Bullies and Abusers Do When You Finally Speak Out About Their Abuse

When you expose your bullies and their abusive behavior, you put them on high alert. You put them in defense mode, and they will do one, some, or all of four things:

1. Lash out at you.

This is, perhaps, the most revealing. Many bullies and abusers will go into a tirade. They’ll scream and yell at you. Also, they’ll curse you out and call you the ugliest names- everything but a child of God.

I know it’s difficult, but don’t panic and don’t be afraid. See it for what it is- you just forced them to reveal their true colors.

Why? Because when your former bullies become enraged and attack you, that’s when you know you’ve busted them. Or, more appropriately, you’ve forced them to bust themselves! So, yay for you!

Remember the warplane analogy. When a warplane is right over the target, that’s when they get the most flack. It’s the same when you call out bullying. The guilty people will attack you the worst.

2. Deny their abuse, and sometimes to your face.

Lots of times, bullies and abusers may confront you either calmly or aggressively. They will claim they never bullied or mistreated you.

Also, they may even make subtle hints that you must have “everything misconstrued.” Again, no matter how calmly or subtly they do it, this is a form of gaslighting. And it reveals a great deal about their character.

3. The Guilty Conscience:

Defame you.

The day you see their bullying and abuse for what it is is the day bullies lose control over you. If these people can no longer control you, they will control your image in the eyes of others.

They will tell everyone who will listen what a lowdown piece of garbage you are. They will spread lies and rumors. And they will project their behavior.

But, as difficult as it may be, don’t let it faze you. Realize that they’re panicking. Your bullies are in a mad rush to do some damage control.

Most of the time, your former bullies and abusers will tell others that you’re “cray-cray.” They’ll make it seem that you’re having some mental episode.

Again, they’re only revealing their true colors. Why? Because if you weren’t telling the truth, they wouldn’t care. Therefore, they wouldn’t react so desperately.

So, always see this as an admission of guilt. And realize that they fear that word about their true nature might get around and cause them to lose face.

4. Avoid you.

These types won’t bother you. Instead, they’ll avoid you like the plague because they’re scared. Understand that this is the best outcome.

Why? Because if they avoid you, you don’t have to worry about them bullying you again. They know they’ve been found out and that word of their abuse is already circulating.

So, the last thing they want to do is anything that even has a slight possibility of making them look guilty. They fear their reputations are already on shaky ground.

These people are cowards, that much is true. However, they’re making the most brilliant move by simply staying away from you. In fact, they won’t even mention your name.

The Guilty Conscience:

You must still watch out for even those who avoid you.

Be advised that not all people who avoid you will stay away from you for long. They may stay away long enough for things to cool off.

Moreover, they just might be secretly plotting revenge against you for daring to open your mouth. Different bullies and abusers react in various ways.

You must realize that bullies and abusers, even those who are formerly so, count on your silence. And they detest, or more appropriately, fear being exposed.

Exposure is the worst thing that could happen to them. Why? Because it places them at risk of losing respect in the community. And there’s a possibility that others will see them for the monsters they are.

Bullies have an image to maintain.

Bullies make everything about appearances. And when you will back the curtain, you make liars and hypocrites out of them. So, naturally, they’re going to either attack you, avoid you, or both. They may make statements such as:

  • “Well, we were just kids then.”
  • “But that’s all water under the bridge.”
  • “Just let bygones be bygones.”
  • ”Just let sleeping dogs lie.”

They may tell you to “get over it.” Also, your bullies may accuse you of bringing up old stuff. Understand that any time people make these statements, their goal is to shut you up.

The Guilty Conscience:

Other Goals Your Bullies may have

  • To minimize their past brutality and the impact it all had on you
  • To make you look like a whiner who just can’t “let the past go.”
  • To cover their backsides and minimize any dents to their reputations.
  • To minimize any backlash they might receive.

Again, don’t be afraid. Instead, see it as they’re unwittingly revealing themselves and let them do it. Let them launch their personal attacks.

In Closing

Before I close, I’d like to make another huge point:

When you speak out about your bullies and their abuse, you force them to explain themselves. Anyone who must explain and justify themselves or their behavior is never in a powerful position.

By forcing your bullies to explain themselves, you automatically turn the tables and leave the bullies in a vulnerable and subordinate position.

In forcing the bully to explain their past or present behavior, you instantly strip away their power. Why? Because power never explains itself. It doesn’t have to.

By speaking out, you put your bullies in a weakened and subordinate position.

Therefore, don’t allow them to silence you. Keep speaking out, no matter what they do. Because when you continue to tell your story, you keep them on the defensive. Therefore, they will only continue to out themselves.

This post is all about the guilty conscience so that you can prepare yourself for your bullies’ reactions and know what’s behind them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3.  Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out

4. 5 Things to Never Do with a Bully

5. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

how to make friends when everyone hates you at work

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You: 4 Tips and Tricks

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‘Want to know how to make friends when everyone hates you? Here are all the tips and tricks that you need to know about.

how to make friends when everyone hates you

If you’re a victim of bullying, chances are good that your bullies have turned everyone else against you. Now, what do you do?

In this post, you will learn exactly how to make friends when everyone hates you.

Once you learn about this life-changing information, you will be able to establish common ground and form lasting friendships that last a lifetime. Moreover, you will be able to take back a degree of control over your social life.

This post is all about how to make friends when everyone hates you. This is so you can make life-long friends, defeat isolation, and repair your self-esteem. Also, you can have protection against your bullies.

How to make friends when Everyone Hates You

It’s bad enough when bullies come for you. However, when they turn everyone else against you, it’s twice as damaging. But what if I told you that there were ways you could still make friends?

It’s true. There are many ways you can make friends despite all the damage your bullies have done to your reputation and social connections. Here are ways you can do it!

1. Meet New People Outside the Bullying Environment

If you’ve ever been a target of relentless bullying, meeting people, especially new ones, can be paralyzing. I can relate because I’ve been there.

It’s easy to withdraw from social situations because you’re afraid the new person you meet will reject you. After all, it seems that everyone else you know already has. And you can’t take another chance of it happening again.

But never be afraid to meet new people because they are opportunities for you to make friends and allies. Total strangers are the best people to meet and establish connections with.

They make the best potentials because you have no history with them. They don’t know you from the bullying environment. So, you aren’t a target to them and are unlikely to be one.

With total strangers, you can begin with a clean slate. You have opportunities to put your best foot forward and start anew.

Therefore, when you meet someone new, don’t be shy or nervous. Find out what you have in common with the person to establish common ground. Be genuinely interested in the person, because people love those who show genuine interest in them and their lives. Make small talk and show them the awesome, one-in-a-million you.

I promise you that you’ll be glad you did, and your confidence and self-esteem will shoot up tenfold!

2. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Befriend Other Targets of Bullying.

The old saying that “birds of a feather flock together” rings true. The Law of Similarity dictates that to find good friendships, you must establish common ground.

Recognize that individuals who share similar activities, experiences, perspectives, and attitudes have a higher probability of forming close friendships. Humans are naturally drawn to those who share mutual interests.

How targets make friends is to find like-minded people to bond with. And nothing bonds humans like a shared contempt for the same things, people, and groups. Therefore, developing connections with other targets is not only necessary but wise.

When a target finds others who have been bullied by the same bullies, it confirms that they aren’t alone in the fight. Also, it’s a juicy opportunity to make friends and allies. And these new friends might back you up the next time bullies come calling.

Commonalities Attract

Additionally, it reinforces the fact that you are not a bad person. It says that, despite what bullies and most others tell you, you can make friends.

It sends the message that you are a likable person and automatically discredits the bullies. Therefore, having friends who share the same experiences is a real self-esteem booster.

When targets unite, they share sameness and, therefore, are least likely to face conflict with one another. Each target in the group finally feels understood.

Case in point, sameness will always attract people to one another. People tend to become friends with those most like themselves.

When targets begin to associate with and create ties with others whom the bullies have targeted, they immediately establish common ground. It is this common ground that quickly develops rapport.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

A “Target Rich Environment”

If you’re a target of bullying and you find it difficult to make friends, you can create a “target-rich environment” for yourself by staying among other targets.

I cannot say this enough- we develop the best friendships with those who resemble us the most. We’re drawn to people with similar desires and pursuits. If you can find common ground, developing a positive relationship will be a breeze!

But how do you know that there’s common ground before you even talk to the person?

You start by noticing how the person dresses. Are there any similarities? If the person is wearing a T-shirt with the logo or picture of a rock group you like, there’s a shared interest. And if they only have a slight interest in the group, you, at least, share a love of rock and roll music.

What a person is doing also gives clues. Additionally, their posture reveals many tells. For example, if a person is sitting at the lunch table alone or slumping in their chair, they may be a target of bullies.

And, if they don’t interact much with others, you know that they have low self-esteem. And low self-esteem comes from bullying and abuse. So, don’t be afraid to go over and talk to them. You might be the friend they’re looking for!

3. Realize that Bullies Get talked about too.

If there’s one thing small towns are known for, it’s gossip. If you’re a victim of bullies in a small town, you will be the topic of gossip. And that gossip will reach from city limits to city limits.

However, take it from someone who has been there. Bullies get talked about, too. However, people rarely discuss them openly. Because the talkers fear becoming the bullies’ next targets, the conversations are always held in secret.

Believe me, you aren’t the only one being victimized. There are others. However, the others are likely to deny being bullied. Also, bullies will never tell you if there are others. So, you’ll mistakenly think that you are the only one they pick on.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

You’ll discover embarrassing info about your bullies.

If you are a victim of bullies, it would be in your best interest to find out who your bullies’ enemies are and align yourself with them. It’s what I did, and boy, did I find out some embarrassing information about my bullies!

I didn’t have to ask. I would only sit or stand quietly, observe, and listen! Bullies may think they’re stars, but scratch the surface, and you’ll discover that they don’t shine so brightly.

One of my bullies is now a nurse, and I am good friends with several nurses who’ve had the displeasure of working with her. In their words, “she is as incompetent as they come.”.

Also, she has a big family secret, and if you’ve lived in the same town that she lives in long enough, you know what that secret is.

I’ll stop here to protect privacy. For years, this woman has bounced from one job to another. She would either get fired or quit when things didn’t go her way. She has also been through five, maybe six marriages.

How Bullies Usually End Up

Another bully dropped out of high school and ended up working as a waitress. She now owns her own restaurant but barely breaks even.

Several others are incarcerated or have been. One was convicted of murder, and another was convicted of armed robbery, running guns, and possession of illegal substances.

The bullies I battled in school are only ordinary people. Yet, even today, most of them continue trying like mad to keep up with the Joneses. They want everyone to think they have beaten the rat race, but are failing miserably.

Most have never left the small town and still put on the facade of power and a perfect life. It’s hilarious when you really think about it.

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:

Here’s a Quick Recap of the First Two Tips.

1. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Befriend the other outcasts in your school, workplace, or community. Why? Because I guarantee you that you aren’t the only one they’ve steamrolled. Bullies leave a lot of shattered lives in their wake and make lots of enemies. And strength always comes in numbers.

2. Listen out! You will hear many stories about your bullies from other outcasts and other people who cannot stand them. You will be surprised by what you discover. Your bullies may get laughed at, too. People are only careful about who they do it around and are quieter about it. They must be, or the bullies will target them too.

Bullies aren’t as important or invincible as they put on. It’s only an act! People like these must work hard to maintain the facades they present to the world.

And the reason they give victims a difficult time is that victims don’t have to work that hard. They simply choose to be themselves.

How do I know this? Because I ingratiated myself into the good graces of the enemies of my bullies. And I would get an earful every time we got together.

Any information you get about your bullies is valuable to you. Always! Because it can then be used as leverage should the bullies come for you.

How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Bullies don’t want you to know that they have enemies.

Make no mistake. Bullies have enemies… LOTS of them!

However, they will never in a million years tell you about it. Bullies don’t want you to believe that others disrespect them behind their backs. Why? Because it would shatter the image of invincibility they’ve set for themselves.

Instead, they want you to believe that everyone loves them and thinks they are the best things since the wheel’s invention. And they want you to believe it because they want you to feel bad about yourself.

Put another way, if bullies can make you think that everyone loves them, it will work to trash your self-esteem. Then you’re more likely to believe the lie they drum into your head, that you’re just plain garbage.

A bully’s popularity and greatness (perceived or not) only serve to reinforce any dislike the target has for themselves after they’ve been bullied for so long. And bullies know this.

So, please don’t let this happen to you. Befriend your bullies’ enemies. Open your eyes to your worth. See behind the facades your bullies hide behind and the acts they put on.

Once you do, I guarantee that your self-esteem will skyrocket.

4. How to Make Friends When Everyone Hates You:

Befriend the enemies of your bullies.

“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Your bullies’ enemies may not necessarily be those they have bullied. Instead, they may be witnesses who have seen how they mistreat others.

As the age-old proverb suggests, your bullies’ enemies are your friends. And they should be. If you are the target of a bully, rest assured that you haven’t been the first nor the only poor soul who has fallen victim.

Again, your bullies have enemies, whether they admit it or not. Only you don’t know it because bullies naturally put up the facade that they are beyond reproach. But every bit of it is a lie.

This may seem a little underhanded, but it isn’t. It bears repeating. Becoming friends with your bullies’ enemies will help you get them off your back.

In fact, social science has proven that comradeship is born when two or more people can find something (or someone) they dislike—a common enemy that they all share a passionate distaste for.

Find out who your bullies’ enemies are.

Again, you must identify who your bullies’ enemies are, connect with them, and form a friendship. Also, make sure to have their backs and vice versa, then you and your bullies’ enemies can unite as allies.

I guarantee that the enemies, whoever they are, will be more than happy to oblige and you will instantly become comrades!

How to Make Friends when Everyone Hates You:

There’s strength in numbers.

And rarely do lone wolves survive in the social world. Thank evolution for that one. The more of your bullies’ enemies you can make friends and allies, the more protection and support you will get.

Remember that bullies are often cowards, and they frequently pursue the lone wolf. So, if you can become friends with as many of your bullies’ enemies as possible, the bullying will stop. Why? Because bullies never attack anyone who is surrounded by others.

Then your bullies will go find another victim and leave you alone. How I wish I had thought of this back when I was in school! Things definitely would have been a lot different!

You always have options.

This post was all about how to make friends when everyone hates you so that you can find ways to get support.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Make Friends When You Have None at School or at Work

2. Bullies Have Enemies: 3 Ways to Use It to Your Advantage

3. The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

4. How to Shut Down a Bully: 11 Comebacks that Stop Them Cold

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

definition of bullying at work

Definition of Bullying: Is the Person a Bully or a just an Asshole?

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‘Want to know the definition of bullying. Here’s how to find out if the person mistreating you is a bully or just your common, everyday asshole.

definition of bullying

Sometimes we use the term bullying in situations it doesn’t belong in. Some people are jerks. However, it doesn’t mean they’re bullies.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the definition of bullying so that you will learn the difference between a bully and a jerk.

Once you understand these crucial differences, you will be able to recognize bullying when it occurs and address it effectively.

This post is all about defining bullying so that you can distinguish between bullying and douchebaggery.

Definition of bullying

To distinguish between bullying and everyday incivility, it is essential to understand the definition of bullying. Therefore, here’s a definition provided by the Anti-Bullying Alliance.

“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.”

An altercation must have these four elements before we can call it a bullying incident.

4 Elements of Bullying

There are four elements of bullying. Here they are.

1. Imbalance of power.

Physical Strength

In cases of bullying, the bully often has more power than the victim. If you’re a victim of bullying, the power your bully has over you can be physical strength. Therefore, they use it to instill fear in you and exert control over your life.

Social Status

A bully’s power can also be their social status. For example, a popular bullies may weaponize their popularity. They may use it exclude you or to ruin your reputation and reduce your place in the social hierarchy.

The reason they do this is because they know that because they’re so popular, others will listen to them. Their social status automatically gives them credibility. Therefore, they many spread vicious lies about you.

Why? Because they know that others outside the bullying dynamic will take their word over yours. As a result, they can succeed in destroying your good name.

Definition of Bullying:

Psychological strength

The most seasoned bullies may also have more psychological power. You might tell them off when they try to abuse you. However, your comebacks may have little to no effect on them.

The reason these bullies have nerves of steel is that they have learned to shut off their emotions. Bullies with NPD have no empathy at all, and they rarely show emotion. Therefore, it will be challenging to shame or hurt their feelings. They may hurt inside if you deal them a good comeback, but they’ll hide it. However, most victims aren’t as good at concealing their emotions.

2. Repetition.

Bullying is a repeated behavior that becomes a pattern. Remember that bullying is a form of brainwashing. Therefore, it’s why bullies repeat the same narratives and attacks over and over again.

If you are a target of bullying, you will notice that you hear the same narratives day in and day out. Moreover, your bullies will use the same tactics on you time and time again.

It will be as if your bullies are following an internal script, using the broken record technique.

3. Deliberate Intent to harm.

Another element of bullying is the deliberate intent to harm. The harm can be physical, psychological, emotional, or social. Bullies have a strong desire to hurt and to inflict pain, and for several reasons, depending on the person.

Some bullies inflict harm on their victims as a form of revenge. Perhaps your bully retaliates because you reported them. Some bullies bully out of jealousy. Others may bully you because they secretly enjoy seeing you suffer.

4. Definition of Bullying:

Same Victim

Bullying usually targets the same person repeatedly. Remember that bullying always needs a target. Without the victim, bullying doesn’t exist.

However, bullies won’t choose just any victim. They select the easiest target. Therefore, they will pick the person who easily gets emotional or the individual who is least liked by others.

Bullies may also pick those who are small in size and stature or those with disabilities. Nevertheless, whoever they choose will have some weakness that can be exploited.

Is it bullying or is the person being an asshole?

Because people use the term “bullying” so much, they throw the word around willy-nilly. As a result, they use it in situations that don’t fit its use. What do I mean by this? You may wonder.

What I mean is that many are too quick to stick the “bully” label on anyone who says anything they don’t like. There’s so much confusion about bullying. And people may mistake rudeness for it. They may wrongfully label someone who’s only being a jerk, or voicing an unfavorable opinion.

Therefore, we must define bullying. We also need to clarify what constitutes bullying and what does not. Only then will we be able to distinguish between a bully and an every day douche bag.

The Definition of bullying

Bullying – an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical, and/or social behavior that intends to cause physical, social, and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening (https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/)

Not All Bad Behavior IS bullying.

Not all bad behavior is bullying. For example, simple statements that make you uncomfortable are not considered bullying. Here is a list of situations that do not constitute bullying.

  • Disagreements and truthful debates
  • Misunderstandings
  • Stubbornness
  • Incivility and jerky behavior
  • Unfavorable opinions.

Bullying has become a blanket term to describe anyone who is an asshole. Assholes are those who are rude, obnoxious, and opinionated. People are quick to label uncivil jerks and jackasses as bullies. In fact, they call anyone who says, does, or believes anything they disapprove of a bully. This is wrong.

Definition of bullying:

Examples

Suppose a 6’5” tall, muscular knucklehead bumps into you on the street. He says, “Hey, idiot! Watch where the hell you’re going!”, then keeps walking. Afterwards, you never see the guy again. That’s not bullying.

Is the person an asshole? Absolutely. But he isn’t necessarily a bully.

But what if he deliberately runs into you and shoots his mouth off every time he sees you on the street? What if he made a habit of it by continuing to harass you?

In that case, yes, you could call him a bully. Why? Because he would use his size and height to intimidate you. He’d also repeat the behavior every day. Moreover, he would treat everyone else with respect and dignity while singling you out for abuse. Therefore, all these behaviors point to bullying.

Unfavorable opinions.

For instance, a person is voicing an opinion. When someone asks them what they think of their new next-door neighbor, the person answers. They say, “I think he is an arrogant, egotistical jackass.”

The person is voicing an unfavorable opinion, yes. However, he still isn’t bullying the new neighbor.

But what if the person continues this behavior for a week, a month, or longer? What if he smears the new neighbor to everyone in the neighborhood in an attempt to turn everyone against him? Then, yes, they would be bullying the neighbor.

Definition of Bullying:

Debates.

If two people are arguing over different beliefs, it’s not bullying even if the argument is heated. Only when one of the arguers resorts to repeatedly calling their opponent names does it turn into bullying. Name-calling is meant to shame someone because they don’t share their beliefs. And the name-calling must go on for a long time, against the same opponent.

To prevent innocent people from being labeled as bullies, we must know what constitutes bullying and what does not. Only then will we be able to apply it to those who genuinely deserve the label.

Bully or Asshole?

Everyone deals with assholes, but not everyone gets bullied. Jerks and disrespect are a regular part of life. Bullying, on the other hand, is not. A jerk’s behavior is hurtful and harmful. Sure. But a bully’s behavior is not only hateful and negative, it’s abusive and repeated.

When is hurtful behavior classified as bullying? How do we distinguish between bullying and disrespect? What is the difference between a jerk and a bully?

When a person is “just being a jerk,” their bad attitude is random, sporadic, and directed at anyone at any time.

On the other hand, when an individual is a bully, their behavior tends to be a pattern. In other words, the ill-treatment becomes a habit and is directed towards one person in particular- you.

Bullying requires a target! It is systematic, deliberate, vicious, and always escalates over time. Bullying involves smear campaigns, witch hunts, and is relentless. Bullying seeks to destroy. It is a campaign with a goal. Therefore, bullying is well-organized.

A jerk is afraid you might want something from him. On the other hand, a bully wants something from you.

This post is all about the definition of bullying so that you can distinguish the Behaviors of Bullies and uncivil Jerks.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Incivility vs Bullying

2.  What Constitutes Bullying and What Doesn’t

Verbal Bullying

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‘Want to know about verbal bullying and the damage it can do? Here are all the details you need to know.

verbal bullying

When bullies carry out a barrage of verbal attacks against you, they attack your character, mental stability, and abilities. Therefore, if you don’t maintain your sense of self and confidence, the bullies will eventually brainwash you and crush your spirit.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about verbal bullying so that you can protect yourself from it and maintain your self-esteem.

Once you learn all about these crucial details, you will be better able to stand up against this form of bullying and keep your self-respect.

This post is all about verbal bullying so that you can defend yourself against it and stay confident.

Verbal Bullying

Verbal bullying can be done openly through bursts of rage, overt personal attacks, name-calling, and threats of physical violence. Open verbal bullying aims to strike fear in you.

It also seeks to make it clear to you that the bully is controlling you and that you’d better acquiesce, or the bully will hurt you. It also dares you to protest against it or defend yourself. In open bullying, bullies instill terror in bystanders as well by making you the example.

Examples of open verbal bullying

  • “You’re such a moron!”
  • “I’ll kick your butt if you say anything back to me!”
  • “You’re completely hopeless! Can’t you do anything right?”

Bullies who use open verbal bullying are those who know they aren’t going to face accountability. They can also be those who don’t care about facing consequences. These are people who aren’t afraid to go to jail or those who don’t fear suspension or expulsion from school.

Also, many bullies also use subtle verbal bullying. These are people who fear consequences. They don’t want to get caught. Therefore, they will use a more nuanced form of verbal bullying because it is the least detectable.

Verbal Bullying:

Examples of subtle verbal bullying

Bullies use subtle bullying through tiny digs, zingers, offhand comments, and backhanded compliments. Subtle bullying aims to control and dominate you without you realizing it.

In being subtle, bullies may act like they’re sincerely and genuinely concerned about you. They may say,

  • “I’m concerned about you. You need help because you’re always so defensive every time we tell you what you’re doing wrong.”
  • “We’re telling you to help you.”

This type of verbal aggression aims to manipulate you. Again, in most cases, you don’t realize the bullies are using you. However, they will notice that you’re not as happy as before and that you don’t feel as good about yourself as you once did.

You will also sense that something is off.

Why Bullies Use Words to Attack You

They do it to discourage, disrespect, and devalue you. Also, they attack you with words to diminish your confidence and self-esteem.

You may consciously or unconsciously try to change their behavior and personality. You may do whatever it takes to avoid agitating the bullies and protect yourself from future bullying.

However, when you handle it this way, you only allow your bullies to brainwash you into suppressing your authenticity. You might even hide your good nature, talents, and gifts.

Understand that you’ll never know if people are bullying based on what outsiders see and tell you. When the bullying is subtle, it’s vague and almost unnoticeable.

Subtle bullying will go virtually undetectable, not only by you, but especially by others. Over time, bullies will slowly condition you to take the abuse.

Verbal Bullying can be Unpredictable.

This kind of bullying can emerge unexpectedly. You may think he’s doing quite well until suddenly, and out of the blue, bullies blindside you with another barrage of insults.

The sudden onslaught will stun you. It will throw you off-kilter. But that’s what the bullies’ sudden jabs are intended to do.

It won’t matter how intelligent and socially aware you are. With some bullies, you’ll never expect the next attack. Moreover, you’ll never know why they attacked you, nor how to keep them from attacking you again.

Verbal Abuse is designed to soften you up for physical abuse later.

They’ll say there’s nothing wrong, but their body language and the vibes they put out will tell you otherwise. Bullies may say that they don’t care what you say, do, or think. Yet they continuously watch you, eavesdropping on your conversations and invading your privacy.

What’s terrible about verbal bullying is that it always escalates. In the early stages of bullying, bullies disguise their insults and ridicule as jokes and fake concern.

Over time, they will turn it up and dish out their verbal abuse more openly. They do this deliberately to soften you up for worse abuse later.

Even worse, verbal abuse usually escalates to physical assaults and beatings. This is why it’s essential to recognize when someone is verbally abusing you and put a stop to it as soon as possible.

Ways to stand up to verbal bullying, even if it is subtle

If you’re not sure people are verbally bullying you, listen to what your body tells you. Pay attention to your senses and intuition.

If something said to you doesn’t feel right, call it out! I can’t express enough how important this is. Counter with these statements below.

  • “I know what you’re trying to do, and I don’t like it! So, I’d suggest that you back off right now!”
  • “Stop being foolish!”
  • “I don’t want to hear that garbage!”

Or you can scoff or roll your eyes and tell them to shut up. Then walk away like you don’t have time to listen to their boring nonsense. Mockery can be effective in combating bullying.

If you do this in the early stages, chances are that you’ll stop them dead in their tracks. Then, they will go away and find another target.

Signs Verbal Bullying is about to get physical

Anytime bullies increase their name-calling and double their efforts to abuse you verbally, it only means they’re scared of losing control of you.  They’re desperate to maintain their power over you. In other words, they see you as a threat to their perceived status and power.

Therefore, they feel they must double down on the abuse. What they don’t realize is that they only make themselves look desperate and pathetic.

Their blatant repetition and redundancy are so telling. Bystanders and witnesses to their deplorable behavior might not say the quiet part out loud. But trust me, they see it, and they think it.

And rest assured that those who take the bullies’ side already know who the good guy is. But they’ll never admit it because they’re too scared of becoming the next target.

Therefore, bullies will escalate their abuse if their bad behavior hasn’t been checked. Also, they’ll do it if they don’t get the reaction they want from you.

Bullies never stop pushing boundaries.

There are three signs that verbal abuse will turn physical. Moreover, you would be surprised at how quickly and easily a bully can change from letting their mouths do the talking to letting their fists speak for them.

Verbal Bullying:

here’s a scenario you’ll probably recognize

Bullies have been verbally abusing you for quite some time. You remember how they began with subtle digs and zingers. Next, you noticed that they progressed to openly screaming at you and cursing you out like a dog.

Now, they are making threats of violence against you. You begin to feel afraid for your physical safety. Why? Because you’re not sure when the bullying will become physical and what they’ll do to you when it does.

Understand that your bullies are still pushing your boundaries. Little by little, they up the ante to test you and figure out how you’ll react.

They want to see what you’ll let them get away with. So, they always start small. And they ever so gradually turn it up in teeny tiny increments.

So, how do you know when the verbal bullying you suffer is about to become physical?

1. they invade your personal space

When bullies invade your personal space, it’s a surefire sign that things are about to escalate physically. They get a little too close. They’ll follow close behind you as you’re walking down the hallway or street.

Also, they’ll stand too close to you in the lunch line or while you’re punching the time clock. They may even step in front of you and block your path.

Therefore, to prevent a possible physical attack, the time to act is now! You must tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. And if they don’t, it’s time to strike first.

Yes! You heard me correctly. I’m not beyond hauling off and punching someone in the nose if they get in my face and refuse to back off.

However, you may be in a place where punching a bully is suitable. You may be at work or in class.

In lieu of fighting, I recommend that you look the bully dead in the eye with the hardest glare you can muster. Then tell them in a low, growling voice to knock it off.

And keep glaring at them until they avert their eyes. Make sure you’re standing absolutely still and facing them in a power pose. (More on power poses later) The goal here is to instill fear in the bully.

2. Verbal Bullying:

they may touch your things and invade your territory

Bullies may sit at your desk, pick up your belongings, or lean on your car. Understand that, when they touch your belongings, your bullies are laying claim to what is yours.

This is the time to assert yourself firmly. Tell them to keep their slimy, grimy paws off your stuff! Messing with your belongings or destroying them is also considered to be physical bullying.

However, be forewarned that most bullies will see this as a challenge and dare you to take action. In this case, don’t be afraid to throw up your dukes.

It’s your stuff they’re messing with, and they’re doing it to see how far they can push you!

However, as I mentioned earlier, if you use fisticuffs, ensure the time, place, and conditions are appropriate. If not, follow the suggestion at the end of the last section.

3. they will begin “Accidentally” doing things to you.

This is called borderline physical bullying or borderline physical abuse.

Bullies will begin their physical assaults through“accidental” shoves and pushes. They may “accidentally” run into you in the hallway.

Also, they may “accidentally” trip you or knock you down in the stairway. Bullies may even  “accidentally” knock things out of your hands.

They will say, “Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that. And they’ll say it knowing damn well they did it deliberately. And you’ll know it too.

Moreover, your bullies will do it, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you won’t notice it’s escalating. After all, accidents happen all the time. No harm, no foul. Right?

The problem is that if bullies get away with these types of games, they’ll only escalate it until it gets out of control. And once bullying gets out of control, it’s almost impossible to stop or even slow down. Remember that they’re violating your personal space.

Again, it’s time to put up your dukes! Remember not to doubt yourself and what you know and feel. And you always know when something is done on purpose. You can sense these kinds of things.

Verbal BULLYING:

In Closing

It always starts subtly. Like any other form of abuse, bullying will only get worse if you don’t act. This bears repeating! It always- always gets worse if you let it slide. Because it’s a dark part of human nature to push, push, and push further to see how far one can go.

Again, tune into your body and intuition. Your gut will always tell you whether what the person did to you was really an accident.

If your senses tell you they did it intentionally, call it out. Tell them to stop immediately when it happens.

If that doesn’t work and the bully continues, it might be time to take a stand. Whatever you do, put a stop to it because it’ll only get worse if you don’t.

This post was all about verbal bullying so that you’ll recognize it when it starts and defend yourself in the early stages to keep the bullying from escalating.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Subtle Bullying: 6 Powerful Ways to Read Between the Lines

2. Examples of Non-Verbal Bullying

3. Non-Verbal Bullying: Hostile Body Language, Head to Toe

4. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

5.  Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore

6. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them

bully-victims reddit

Bully-Victims: 4 Reasons Victims of Bullying Often Become Bullies

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‘Want to know about bully-victims and reasons victims of bullying may resort to bullying those even weaker than them? Here’s everything about this phenomenon you need to know.

bully-victims

It’s hard to have empathy when you suffer constant bullying. Targets of bullying often get accused of being selfish and out for their own interests. However, anytime we are hurting so badly, it only blunts our capacity to feel for others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bully-victims and why they may choose to bully those even weaker than themselves. You will also understand that, if you fall into this category, you can stop the behavior and handle the bullying you suffer more constructively.

Once you learn all about this vital information, you’ll be better able to spot a bully-victim or recognize the behavior in yourself and make changes.

This post is all about bully-victims, so you can recognize the behavior and identify victims who might have become bullies themselves and keep yourself from becoming one.

Bully-Victims

Anytime a person suffers severe and relentless bullying for so long, their pain overrides any ability to empathize with those around them, who may also be hurting.

Your pain is so great, it’s like lying in the emergency room with both legs broken after a car accident. The pain is so intense that you couldn’t care less about the patient in the next room. All you’re thinking of is how soon a doctor will see you and order a pain reliever.

I tell you this because it happened to me. When I was a target of bullying in school, two girls in my class died in a horrific car crash during the eleventh grade. As much as I hate admitting it today, I could not have cared less about it back then.

Naturally, I don’t feel the same today. Now, decades later, I’m sorry that happened to them. At the time it happened, I had absolutely no heart for the girls. I even had the attitude that it had served them right. I thought that maybe I’d get lucky and a few more bullies would drop dead soon.

I’m so glad that this attitude changed once I had my first child. I became sorry that those girls lost their lives. It’s funny how quickly you mature once you become a parent.

Back in school, I did not have it in me to care.

After a person endures bullying for a long time, they can become cold toward others. As a result, it will only bring about resentment from people who might otherwise offer love and support.

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying in school or at work, never let it take away your humanity. It won’t be easy, but do your level best to hold on to your empathy.

Bully-Victims:

Sometimes Bullied People Bully People

Bullying hurts. It’s not the physical beatings in the locker room. It isn’t people tripping you in the hallways, nor having your books knocked out of your arms. It isn’t the name-calling and threats, nor the rumors, lies, and smear campaigns. And it’s not the cruel jokes and pranks.

It’s the cumulative sum of all of it.

It leaves you with a sense that you’ve lost all control over your life. It is as if you no longer get a say in what happens to you. Bully-victims feel they have power over nothing!

Therefore, they become desperate – desperate to have power over something, anything! You soon begin to bully those who are even more vulnerable than you are.

Through your own victimization, you quickly learn that to keep from being so powerless, you must bully too. Therefore, by bullying you, bullies unwittingly teach you how to bully.

This is why we call these people bully-victims. Because they are both bullies and victims of other bullies, they bully to feel better about themselves and to ascend a few rungs up the social ladder.

On the other hand, pure bullies are individuals who don’t get bullied by others.

Bully-Victims:

Both Bullies and Victims.

Bully-victims are both bullies and victims of bullying by other bullies. And they bully far more than the pure bullies do because they have more to prove.

Bully victims are far more hated and ostracized than pure bullies or pure victims. They’re lonelier and have few friends or none at all.

Bully-victims often resort to trickery and deceit. Many are pathological liars, cheats, fakes, and sneaks. They believe that humans are the lowest form of life on earth. Bully-victims tend to be Machiavellian. I certainly was.

Understand that bully-victims need help. They need someone to get it through their heads that just because people are bullying them doesn’t make it okay to bully someone else.

However, we must tell them lovingly and with patience. Why? Because they’re hurting inside and need someone to listen to them and gently guide them in the right direction.

It’s easy to become a bully when you’re a target of bullying.

It’s too easy! Because after others bully you for so long, you search for ways to buffer the pain. You search for a band-aid, any band-aid, even if it’s temporary!

Many targets become bullies themselves because they’re just plain tired of being powerless. They desire to have control over something —or someone. We all want to be in control of something because to have power over nothing is the very definition of hell!

And nothing renders you as powerless as being bullied by everyone. Once you become completely helpless, you’ll start looking for instant gratification and do anything to achieve some sense of power.

Again, in their cruel treatment of you, your bullies teach you that bullying another person is what it takes. You’ll think that it’s the only way to achieve that sense of control and to climb the social ladder.

Finding a victim of your own gives you the sense that you’re not on the bottom of the pecking order anymore. And you think, “Why not? It’s working for them (the bullies), so it should work for me too.”

The problem with this is that bullies are cowardly and pathetic. Therefore, if you bully someone else, it shows that you’re no better than they are!

Bully-Victims:

If you bully others because people bully you, you’re no better than your bullies.

In fact, it proves that you’re worse because you know firsthand how it feels and should know better. You must realize that no one else would feel any different from you if it were happening to them.

In fact, they may not be as resilient as you are and end up taking their own lives. Their blood would be on your hands!

I’m ashamed and sorry to have to tell you, but I did the same thing during my school days. Because I felt utterly powerless, I began to bully people I thought were weaker than me. I own that, and I have remorse for it now.

Take it from someone who’s tried it. If you become a bully and attack others, you may get a rush of power. However, it will last only briefly because it wears off quickly.

Then, you’ll be back to square one and looking for the next rush. You’ll seek your victim out again and again because you’ll always feel you must have more! It’s no different than having a drug addiction!

If bullying doesn’t come naturally to you, it will only eat away at your conscience!

I implore you! Instead of bullying people who look like prey, align with them. Become their friend and their protector. I guarantee you! You’ll feel much better about yourself.

More importantly, you’ll make a positive difference in their lives, and there’s no better feeling than that! Knowing that you’ve helped someone and made life better for them is more rewarding than you realize!

Realizing that you were possibly the difference that kept that person from ending their own life is a feeling so wonderful, words can’t describe it! I promise you!

Bully-Victims:

Here are 4 Reasons Victims of Bullying Become Bullies.

There are reasons victims of bullying become bullies. However, reasons are not excuses.

1. To get the negative spotlight off them and onto someone else.

“Don’t look at me, look at him!” This is why victims will bully someone else. If they can take the negative spotlight off themselves, they will anytime they get the chance.

As long as bullies are targeting someone else, they’re leaving you alone. Therefore, you bully someone else, hoping to divert the bully’s attention to the other victim.

2. So that they don’t feel like they’re the only ONES picked on.

No bullied victim wants to be the only one. It feels much better when someone else is being bullied right along with you. Misery loves company, and having someone to share your suffering provides a sense of comfort.

When someone else is being bullied like you are, your situation doesn’t feel so isolated. Therefore, the bullying becomes easier to bear. Why?

Because the bullying feels less like an individual defect. Therefore, it lessens some of the shame and isolation that often accompany being bullied. Also, when you see someone else enduring the same treatment, it validates your feelings and experiences.

It makes you feel stronger because you share something in common with the other person who endures bullying.

Bully-victims want that commonality with someone… anyone. It’s why they create other victims by bullying those who are weaker than they are.

3. Bully-Victims:

To Feel Like They Still HAVE a Little Bit of Power Left.

These kids bully because they are being bullied themselves, either in the home, at school, or both. They feel powerless. So, to reclaim some of the power, they seek out someone even weaker and bully them.

These individuals have a strong need to be in control of something in their lives. For example, a child is yelled at by his parents. Then he gets mad and kicks the dog. This is why I call this “Kicking the Dog.”

That child has lost control. So, he tries to create that sense of power by victimizing the dog.

4. To keep for being at the bottom of the social hierarchy.

No one wants to be at the bottom of the pecking order. As the age-old saying goes, To avoid being at the bottom, these types often find someone else to bully, so they don’t think they’re the ones stuck in the basement.

Again, nobody wants to be on the bottom. Everybody wants to be better than somebody. It’s a sad part of human nature.

“Shit rolls downhill and lands at the bottom.” Therefore, just as people are fighting like the devil to stay on top, others struggle just as hard to keep off the bottom.

Person A at the top bullies Person B, who is second from the top. Person B then bullies Person C, and so on. And down the pecking order, the nastiness rolls until it lands on Person Z at the bottom.

Then, everyone bullies Person Z because Person Z is defenseless! There’s no one for Person Z to bully because he’s the one with the least power of all the others.

Bully-victims:

No one wants to be on the bottom.

Anyone on the bottom is going to catch hell because they’re powerless. And others will do their best to keep the designated bottom-rat at the bottom because no one wants that position.

Therefore, everyone keeps Z down to ensure that none of them ever takes Z’s place.
That’s how it works, folks!

As long as someone else is on the bottom, it keeps you and everyone else safe from being there. It’s why bully-victims get bullied by pure bullies, then go on to select their own victims to degrade and humiliate.

However, most of the time, this doesn’t turn out well. Because sometimes, bully-victims become worse off than pure bullies or pure victims.

I tell you this because I did the same thing. I also became a bully after other bullies had harmed me for so long and stripped me of all my power. And I admit this today with tremendous sadness and remorse. I didn’t like myself very much back then. However, I’m glad that I don’t need to resort to such behavior today.

In Closing:

Remember that, if people bully you, you don’t have to become a bully yourself to survive or reclaim your power. There are better ways to take back control of your life.

I’ve found that the best way to do that is to befriend other victims of bullying and provide the support they need. It may not seem like it, but you aren’t the only one your bullies bully. There are others.

Find out who those people are and become the friend they need. Then, you both win!

This post is all about bully-victims so that you can recognize it in yourself and make the needed changes.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. When the Bullied Become Bullies

2. Bullying Survival Mode: 5 Things Victims of Bullying Do Wrong 

Bullying Story: Endurance, Survival, and the Will to Overcome

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Here’s a bullying story. It’s a story of not only the will to survive but the will to overcome and begin thriving. Also, it’s a story of healing and re-empowerment.

bullying story

In this post, you will learn what it means to endure bullying, survive it and overcome it through a true bullying story. Also, you will see what life is like through the eyes of a bullying victim and later, a survivor and overcomer.

Once you learn all about these real-life experiences, you will know that you are not alone if you endure the same thing now. Moreover, you will understand that you, too, can overcome and look forward to a rewarding life with friends who truly care for you.

This post shares a bullying story filled with true-life experiences to offer you hope and encouragement.

Bullying Story

I didn’t experience bullying, nothing beyond usual teasing, until I moved to a small Tennessee town after having been an Army Brat and lived in several different areas. Until then, bullying had always been something that happened to kids in the movies.

When I became a target of severe and chronic bullying as a sixth-grader at the age of twelve, I began a long lesson in the human predator/prey dynamic and a battle for my dignity, safety, and my very soul.

During the sixth grade, I never fought back. My family had taught me that decent young ladies didn’t fight. So, I took the physical beatings, name-calling, and abuse. However, what I didn’t realize was that my classmates were growing accustomed to bullying me.

When the Bullying Escalates

When I entered seventh grade at the age of thirteen, the harassment by my classmates reached a fever pitch. The abuse my classmates subjected me to is called “poly-victimization.” They called me names and slandered me. Moreover, they would humiliate me with pranks. When the bullying grew out of control, they began threatening me and physically attacking me.

And after enough of it, I learned the hard way that I had two choices: either take a stand and fight back or get eaten alive. However, it seemed that the more I tried to set boundaries, the worse the bullying became.

The physical bullying was brutal. I suffered horrible beatings, and it escalated to the point of having a box cutter pulled on me and my life threatened.

Every morning before going to school, I would feel a huge lump in my throat and swallow hard. It took everything I had in me to step onto that school bus. Why? Because I knew what would be waiting for me as soon as I walked through the school entrance.

Bullying Story:

Enduring Daily Abuse

During P.E., I excelled at some sports but struggled with others. I loved volleyball and kickball, but basketball and baseball weren’t my strong suits. Music and writing stories were my gifts, not sports.

However, students and a few teachers judged me because I wasn’t an athlete or a member of a sorority. I was musically talented and creative. So, what they were doing was akin to judging a fish on its ability to fly.

In just two short years, I went from being a confident and outgoing kid to one who was sad and withdrawn.  Additionally, I transitioned from a student who consistently made the honor roll to one who earned C’s and D’s.

Schoolwork had always been so easy for me. I had been one of those lucky kids who didn’t have to pick up a book.

All I had to do was listen in class and complete my homework (which I could do in minutes). And I would ace every test. But in a matter of two years, the schoolwork went from being a piece of cake to being complicated and overwhelming.

Who can concentrate on schoolwork when they’re busy looking over their shoulder and dodging bullies? Who can learn effectively when they’re constantly in survival mode?

The Bullying Becomes Unbearable

The torment became next to unbearable. So much so that I attempted suicide at the age of fourteen. As a result, I spent a week in the ICU and almost didn’t make it.

It was a hell I would never wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. My classmates had stripped me of every ounce of power I had.

Trying to keep a calm demeanor amid so much toxicity and desperately hanging onto my dignity with everything I had was exhausting! It felt as if they were holding me hostage. At times, teachers and a few school staff members would also join in the bullying.

Bullying Story:

When the victim Becomes a Bully

Because I felt powerless, I began to bully those who were even weaker than I was. The reason I did this was to reclaim some of the power bullies had taken from me. This is not something I’m proud of.

There was no one I could turn to. Back then, people considered bullying to be a normal rite of passage. Therefore, I had to deal with it on my own.

Anytime I spoke out about or reported the mistreatment, they shouted me down. The other classmates would tell me to “keep my mouth shut.”

Teachers and school staff blamed me for my own suffering. Other adults labelled me a whiner and ridiculed me because they saw speaking out as a sign of weakness. I received no help or relief.

The Stripping Away of Personhood

They never allowed me to be a human being. Moreover, they gave no margin for error. Instead, they would minimize or ignore any good deeds, accomplishments, and successes. And they would maximize any mistakes.

If I wore a dress and went to class all dolled up, I was trying to either impress people, get a date, or get laid. And if I wore my jeans the slightest bit tight, I looked like a whore.

If I cried, they would accuse me of being too sensitive. But if I laughed, they accused me of trying to get attention. If I became angry, they labelled me mentally unstable. But if I was friendly, I was either flirting or trying to kiss up. If I smiled, I was secretly plotting something devious.

They never allowed me to be myself, and it was exhausting. It felt as if I were suffering a slow and agonizing social murder.

Bullying Story:

The Transfer

The day came when two classmates attacked me from behind when I was four months pregnant with my first child. They threw me over a teacher’s desk, then kicked me as I lay curled in a fetal position on the floor.

All I could do was try to protect my unborn baby by shielding my growing belly with both arms. Luckily, my unborn child survived and came into the world healthy later that year.

After the last attack, I was done with Oakley High. I changed schools, and the bullying stopped. Words cannot tell you the relief I felt when I transferred to a new school! I could finally learn in a safer and less stressful environment!

A Safer Learning Environment.

I loved my new school. And I felt like a bird out of a cage! The feeling was of being released from a nearly six-year-long prison sentence. I had done my time in hell, and now I could put it all behind me. It was then that I began the process of rebuilding my life.

While riding in the car, on the way to my new school, I sat in the passenger seat, next to my then-husband. As he drove, I cried tears of joy.

It was hard to believe that I had finally escaped the persecution! The pain had grown so great I couldn’t even cry! It was all finally over, and I could start a new and better chapter in my life.

Sure enough, I went on to make friends with my new classmates, but more importantly, my grades skyrocketed! The transformation of my grades seemed to happen suddenly and like magic!

After five years, I made the honor roll again and then finally graduated.

I now lead a successful life and use what I went through to help bullied kids today. Anytime I hear of an innocent child bullied into suicide, it truly breaks my heart.

When People Judge Bullying victims who have given up, it makes me cringe.

What’s even more heartbreaking is the attitudes and remarks I hear from others around me when a tragedy like this happens! I often hear statements such as:

  • “But that boy was so quiet!”
  • “Really??? Still waters run deep!”
  • “But that girl always kept to herself!”
  • “No joke! Just as an AIDS patient keeps his diagnosis to himself!”
  • “Shame on him! He was such a coward!”
  • “Right! Anyone running through the woods from a wild boar would look like a coward to someone sitting safely in a tree! You spend a few years being bullied by everyone you know and see how mighty and brave you are! You’ll find out how quickly your life can go to crap!”

If you haven’t experienced it, you’ll never know what it is to be a target of bullying. I was fortunate enough to survive and move on to happiness and success. But many victims don’t, which is why writing about bullying and advocating for victims is my passion.

Bullying Story:

Although being bullied is never a good thing, I did get a few positive takeaways:

  • Having been bullied has made me appreciate the great friends I have today. It also gave me empathy and compassion for others and a desire to help those who endure the same!
  • Having been bullied made a strong woman out of me. It made me more determined never to quit until I reach a goal! Knowing that bullies often bully out of jealousy and fear is the motivation for me.’
  • Being bullied gave me the determination to love myself, put myself first, and the willingness to say “no” anytime I am asked or told to do something that does not feel right!
  • Having been bullied gave me the determination to follow my dreams, to do things I enjoy most, and to achieve success.
  • Having been bullied has given me hope. Because I know that if I can go through bullying and survive, then I can rise above anything!
  • It gave me a soft spot and a great willingness to fight for the underdog.
  • And lastly, it sharpened my BS detector, giving me the ability to read people, spot a bully instantly, and avoid being targeted!

Being a target of bullying almost broke me, yes! But in the end, it made me! Keeping a bullying journal is what saved me. So, I advise you to keep one. Bullying won’t last forever. If you’re a target of bullying and you don’t give up, you too can survive and emerge a winner!

This post was a bullying story to encourage you to keep going when things seem hopeless.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Encouraging Words for Bullying: You Can Overcome!

2. Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

3. It Only Gets Better: There is Life After Bullying

invasion of personal space psychology

Invasion of Personal Space: 3 Ways to Respond to It

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‘Want to know about invasion of personal space and different ways you can respond when bullies violate your personal space boundaries? Here is everything you need to know.

invasion of personal space

Bullies are notorious space invaders. They make it a point to get too close. And they do it deliberately to intimidate and challenge you. You don’t have to put up with it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about the invasion of personal space and how to stand up to it confidently

Once you learn all about this crucial information, you will be able to stand up to any bully who steps over your physical boundaries.

This post is all about the invasion of personal space, so that you can avoid being intimidated by it and assert your right to have your space.

Invasion of Personal Space

What are a few examples of bullies invading your personal space? If you are a victim of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you. Sometimes, they will stand so close that their bodies are touching yours.

Again, bullies will purposefully crowd you and there are reasons they do this.

Zone Distances

People practice different zone distances based on the relationships they have with the people in the room around them. Here are 4 zone distances you need to be aware of.

1. Intimate Zone – (6-18 inches)

This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, bullies will step into your intimate zone to intimidate you, or when they are about to attack you.

Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust, or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close. As a result, our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight, or freeze mode.

Some bullies may also invade your intimate area to toy with you and get you to react, then step back and laugh at your reaction. Therefore, call the bully out. Let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.

2. Invasion of Personal Space:

Personal Zone – (18-48 inches)

We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!

3. Social Zone – (4-12 feet)

We stand this distance from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from you. Therefore, you might not want to react if you don’t want to look like you have paranoia or like you’re unstable.

However, you can keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move in closer.

4. Public Zone – (Over 12 feet)

We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand this far away from you and not look conspicuous or threatening.

(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)

Invasion of Personal Space:

Ways Bullies Invade Your Personal Zone

1. They’ll get in your face.

They do this by getting nose-to-nose with you. I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge you. Also, bullies may do this to dare you to hit them first.

Therefore, haul off and deck this person with every ounce of strength you have! This may sound old school or even barbaric to some people. However, understand that there is no “nice” way to handle it when someone gets in your face. Bullies don’t respond to politeness or diplomacy. They only respond to strength and power.

Therefore, don’t be afraid to knock the hell out of anyone who gets in your face. Because you can best believe that if a bully gets in your face, their next move will be to put their hands on you.

2. They’ll Stand too close behind you.

Bullies will walk up behind you and stand way too close. Moreover, they’ll stand so close that the front of their bodies is actually touching your back. There’s a name for this type of move. It’s called looming.

Understand that bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you, or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant.

These individuals possess an unlimited audacity. They do not respect boundaries! With people who are bold and audacious, you must take a stand!

Never allow this type of behavior to go on. Why? Because they will only increase the behavior if you let them get away with it.

Again, understand that when the bully pulls these shenanigans, he is looking to fight. So, do what you have to do to teach this idiot a lesson they’ll never forget!

3. Invasion of Personal Space:

they’ll stand over you while you’re sitting down.

If you’re sitting, the bully or bullies will often stand over you to look bigger. They also do this to intimidate, challenge, or provoke you.

This is also a violation of your personal space. Moreover, it is a precursor to a physical attack. Therefore, you must beat them to it. Be quick about jumping up and knocking the holy hell out of them.

The only way to handle this type of bullying is to make them never want to try it again!

Other Ways Bullies Violate Your Space.

1. Lay Claim to Your Territory.

Sitting in your chair, leaning on your car, etc.

Any chair we sit in or any object we lean on or touch, we non-verbally lay claim to. Just as a dog will mark its territory by peeing on the spot it claims as its own, people mark theirs by sitting, leaning, or touching the place or object they claim as theirs.

Leaning in the doorway of your office, room, or house.

Other ways bullies invade your territory are leaning in the doorway of your office, dorm room, or house. Bullies may also prop their feet on your desk or table, or even walk into your home without knocking or being invited inside!

The bully may also pick the victim’s notebook, purse off the victim’s desk, touch their property, etc.

Understand that anything of yours the bully touches, he is laying claim to. The unspoken message that the bully is sending is, “I own your desk, car, notebook, and anything that’s yours.

Hogging Public Space.

Bullies may walk in the center of a hallway. They may also sit on a flight of stairs, expecting people to move and go around them.

Bullies may also stand in the middle of a road or driveway. They may take their time crossing the street, forcing cars to stop and wait. They may also stand in the middle of a crowd or the center of a room.

Therefore, understand why bullies behave in this manner. They do them to inconvenience people and dare them to call them out.

2. Invasion of Personal Space:

Invasion of your privacy

Bullies will very carefully observe you. They will eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details. Why? So they can take the private information and spread it as juicy gossip, making you look bad.

They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets to spread them around and embarrass you. They will even follow you to see where you go and with whom you associate.

If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your territory to intimidate, challenge, or dominate you.

Therefore, you must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory. Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!
The more you know, the better you can protect yourself against these personal space invaders.

3. Invasion of Personal Space:

Freely touching You or your property.

Touching You with a carefree attitude.

Bullies will often freely touch you because they have no regard for your personal space. For example, a bully may give you a hard slap on the back. They may grab you by the arm and lead you where they want you to go.

A bully may also physically move you out of the way or shove past you. Understand that the reason they do these things is to show you who’s in charge. The bully may also behave this way to signal ownership of you.

Yes, in the bully’s mind, he owns you. The message is, “You’re mine, I own you, and I can do what I want with you.”

Invasion of Personal Space:

Touching Your Personal Belongings.

Bullies also put their hands on your personal belongings with a carefree attitude. But know that the message the bully is sending is this. “I own you, so I own anything that is yours.”

For instance, bullies may approach your table during lunch. Then, they may pick a French fry off your plate and pop it in their mouths.

Or, they might pick up your fork and take a bite of their food. Bullies may also pick up your phone and begin scrolling through the contents.

If you’re a female, bullies will rummage through your purse. They may pick up your jacket and go through the pockets. The hidden message the bully is sending is, “I can take whatever I want, and what are you going to do about it?”

 They may also pick up your notebook, yearbook, or diary and start flipping through the pages. I know. The nerve! Right?

Never let anyone go through your shit and not say anything or do something! Why? Because if you ignore this, you’re sending the message that this is okay!

Here are 7 Ways to Respond when your bullies violate your space.

1. Call them out

For instance, if they get too close, tell them to back off. If they pick up your notebook or phone, tell them to put it back where they got it.

2. Invasion of Personal Space:

Give them a Hard Glare.

Whenever you call a bully out, do it while giving them a hard, cold stare, without blinking. Or, if the bully tries to stare you down, return the stare. Either look them in the eye or look them between the eyes.

If they look at you while standing feet apart and arms akimbo, reflect the exact same stance back to the bully. Mirror the bully to show that you’re not the least bit intimidated by them. You must establish the necessary boundaries.

3. Punch them in the face.

If the bully gets in your face, you have the right to punch their lights out. Why? Because they may be getting ready to attack you. Getting in your face or standing too close is considered hostile body language. It is threatening. Therefore, offense is the best defense.

Here are other ways you can set boundaries. If the bully is rushing you, slow down. Do not speed up! Remain calm.

Invasion of Personal Space:

In Closing

The most important thing you can ever do is set boundaries. Why? Because when you lack boundaries, no one will respect you. As a result, they will walk all over you. Remember that standing up to bullies is your responsibility, not someone else’s. Therefore, do what you have to do to hold your ground.

This post is all about THE invasion of personal SPACE so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Personal Space Boundaries: What to Do When Bullies Cross Them

2. How to Spot a Bully: 13 Must-Know Body-Language Examples

3. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

4. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore  

sexual bullying in schools

Sexual Bullying: Bullied Girls and Sexual Harassment in School

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‘Want to know about sexual bullying? Here are all the details you need to know about.

sexual bullying

Sexual bullying is real, and it usually happens to bullied women and girls. Females who are chronically bullied especially suffer from it. Why? Because people have bullied them for so long that they’ve grown comfortable abusing them.

And, because they never faced accountability for it, they know that they’ll get away with sexually harassing these girls, too.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about sexual bullying and what constitutes it.

Once you learn these crucial details, you will be able to better defend yourself from it.

This post is all about sexual bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Sexual Bullying

Often, when a girl is a target of bullying, the torment she suffers leaves her wide open for sexual harassment. And, sadly, this isn’t discussed enough.

The harassment can range from inappropriate and embarrassing comments to unwanted physical touching. I’m female and am writing this post from a female perspective. However, I realize that this can happen to bullied young men as well, though not often.

What it’s like for a bullied female to endure sexual harassment

I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard from other female victims and survivors of bullying. And I can relate to them.

Numerous times, my bullies subjected me to this type of behavior when I was in junior high and high school. Young creeps on the bus would sneakily run a hand up my skirt. Boys in the lunch line, who stood behind me, would grab a handful of my behind.

The males who bullied me would make sexual comments. It was enough to make me sick!

As any woman or girl knows, when people hurl sexual comments at you, grope, and feel you up, it leaves you feeling cheap and violated.

Why do we blame ourselves?

If you have ever suffered this kind of bullying, your first thought is to blame yourself. You automatically wonder what you did to bring it about.

  • “Was my dress too short?”
  • “Were my jeans too tight?”
  • “Did I have on too much makeup?”

It feels bad enough when you blame yourself. But it’s worse when others do it.

What happens when you endure Sexual Bullying

If you are a female victim of bullying, several things can happen after male bullies harass you sexually.

1. other girls will blame you for it.

Even worse is when other girls side with the creeps and blame you for their disgusting behavior.
This happens all the time, but most girls are silent about it.

Other girls may see the male bully touch you inappropriately. However, they will only assume that you “must have done something to make him do it.” They will say that somehow, you “asked for it.”

2. You will attract jealousy from the creep’s girlfriend and her friends.

If the male bully who groped you in the hallway has a girlfriend. She won’t place her anger where it belongs. Oh, no. Even if he does it right in front of her, she won’t yell at him for it. Why? Because, in most cases, these creeps’ girlfriends don’t want to risk pissing them off and losing them.

Instead, the girlfriend will accuse you of trying to steal her boyfriend. She may call you a slut. She may tell her friends that you’re a cheap whore and try to ruin your good name.

All the while, the pig who violated you walks away free as a bird. This only doubles the victimization. It’s no different from the aftermath that a rape victim goes through!

Sexual Bullying:

Other girls will also sexually harass you.

Believe it or not, female bullies can also sexually harass their female victims. Only they do it in different ways. Girls sexually harass other girls by verbal means. They make vicious comments such as,

  • “Nobody will $%#! you.”
  • “I’ll bet you’re still a virgin, aren’t you?”
  • ”You’d $%&# anything that moves!”
  • “Your _____ smells like a sewer!”

These are only a few, and I’ve heard worse. Sometimes, the other girls will encourage the male bullies to harass you sexually. Afterwards, they will turn it around on you, calling you a whore, slut, take your pick.

In school, I knew another bullied girl who others referred to as “Tuna Fish.” I’ll say no more.

Sexually Humiliating Comments

Understand that any time people bully a female, they make the most unspeakable comments and remarks. Moreover, they’re bold enough to do it to her face.

They’re so horrible and explicit that you don’t dare repeat them by mouth, much less write them in a book or article. There is no limit to the low that sexual bullies will sink.

These bullies can invent the raunchiest and raciest epithets. They can come up with the dirtiest, most vile, hurtful, and demeaning comments and actions.

Anyone who hasn’t been on the receiving end of it would be shocked if they heard or saw some of the things a bullied girl has. Bullies show a side to their victims they would never in a million years reveal to anyone else.

Sexual Bullying:

Victims of bullying usually learn about human cruelty early.

Objects of bullying witness firsthand the shocking evil and cruelty of which people are capable. They see the absolute darkest sides of the human character.

When bullied girls are sexually harassed, they stay silent. And, they do it for good reasons.

You must realize that bullies are experts at fooling bystanders and authority. They are highly skilled at manipulating a social infrastructure.

Bullies are also aware that if the victim reports such abuse, others will not believe her. Why? Because the same bullies have meticulously ruined her once good reputation.

Who’s going to take the word of someone with a notoriously bad name? Who’s going to believe a “slut” or a “whore” when she reports sexual harassment?

Understand that bullies will only show the worst sides of their characters to their victims and no one else. And why not? To bullies, the victim is both inferior and powerless.

When a person believes that you are inferior and powerless, they couldn’t care less about what you think of them. As far as they’re concerned, any opinions you have are irrelevant.

Whereas, anyone the bullies see as equals or superiors will only see the best sides of their character.

Here are the characteristics of sexual bullying:

1. Sexual Comments

Both males and females may make sexual comments toward you. Sexual remarks are those that mention sexual acts or sexual body parts. They can also be remarks that may not necessarily mention but imply sexual acts and anatomy.

For example, one of your bullies may tell you, “You’d spread your legs to anyone, wouldn’t you?”

But, make no mistake, your bully is sexually harassing you, and you have a right to stand up to it. And, how you stand up to it is to speak out.

2. Groping

Groping includes putting their hands up your dress or grabbing your breasts, behind, or genitals. If nothing else, remember this! No one has the right to touch you inappropriately. In fact, they don’t have the right to put their hands on you at all!

3. Sexual Name-Calling

Bullies shame female targets for their looks, femininity, and virtues. They call you names like “hoe,””whore,” “slut”, and other names that attack you as a woman.

They may even call you the c-word. Therefore, you must realize that when they do this, they are sexually harassing you.

Here’s how you handle male bullies who put their hands on you.

Therefore, call them out on it. Better yet, haul off and punch them as hard as you can. If your bully is male and he hits you for it, play the woman card! Point out that he just hit a woman and that he is a pathetic coward for it.

Sexual Bullying:

No matter what they tell you, you are not to blame.

Sexual bullying and harassment are wrong, no matter who deals it and who it is aimed at.

If you are a bullied female, I want you to know with every fiber of your being that it isn’t your fault. You are not responsible for someone else’s rotten behavior.

Know that you never asked for that kind of behavior, nor brought any of it on yourself.
If you are bullied and endure sexual harassment, do not take any blame for it. And for goodness’ sake, don’t be afraid to report it!

They may not listen to you. However, there’s also no way they can avoid hearing you. Again, you have a right to report sexual harassment. No one has the right to harass you!

The abuse won’t last forever

Know that the abuse you suffer will not last forever. The bullying will eventually stop. And, one day, if you hold on to your confidence and goodness, others will love and respect you.

Realize that this challenging period is only one chapter in your life, not the entire book. You too can overcome and move on to love, happiness, and success.

Just don’t give up! You are beautiful! You are a great person despite what others may tell you or how they may treat you. And some people love you and care for you!

This post is all about sexual bullying so that you can recognize it and stand up to it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

2. Bullying Statistics Male vs Female: How Males and Females Bully

3. A woman who Knows Her Worth: 7 Things She’ll Never Settle for

male bullying vs female bullying statistics

Male bullying vs Female bullying

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‘Want to know the difference between male bullying vs female bullying? Here’s everything you need to know so that you have a better idea of what to expect from bullies of either gender.

male vs female bullying

Regardless of what some may believe, there are noticeable differences in male bullying vs female bullying. Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about those differences.

Once you learn how boys and men bully differently from girls and women, you will be better able to protect yourself from bullying, no matter who it comes from.

This post is all about male bullying vs female bullying, so that you can tailor your self-defense measures to the bully you face.

Male vs female bullying statistics

According to stopbullying.gov, female bullying has a higher prevalence than male bullying, with bullying among females reaching 21.8% while the frequency of male bullying is only 16.7%

Female bullies can be the most vicious. Why? Because they seem to be better at going undetected than male bullies.

Granted, there are always exceptions to this rule. However, this is true for the most part. Male bullies lean more toward outward physical bullying. On the other hand, females prefer psychological and emotional bullying.

Female Bullies

I’ll say again, but more descriptively. Although there are exceptions, most girls and women tend to be passive-aggressive. Therefore, they commit most of their bullying on a psychological level.

However, thanks to radical feminism and the moral decline in today’s females, physical assaults perpetrated by girls and women are increasing at an alarming rate.

The Divide and Conquer Strategy

Females bully by Dividing and Conquering. They like to attack their targets’ relationships. Girls and women use smear campaigns, gossip, rumors, and witch hunts.

Girls and women bully this way to turn everyone against their victims. These shrews may infiltrate the victim’s circle or “warn” strangers about their victim.

If you suffer this kind of bullying, you must know what the intent is. Their end goal is to isolate and alienate you from others and make it difficult for you to make friends.

male bullying vs female bullying:

Females love to use Projection

Females also use projection. In other words, they project all of their own shortcomings onto you. You must understand that bullies, like everyone else, have flaws and imperfections. And their greatest fear is someone, mainly you, exposing those shortcomings.

Therefore, they project their bad behavior onto you.  In other words, they accuse you of the same behavior they are guilty of. You have to admit, it’s one of the best ways for bullies to hide their own evil deeds.

Distraction

These bullies will also use distraction. In other words, they distract others’ attention away from their evil actions by pointing out your reaction to their behavior. They may also point out your negative qualities to keep others from noticing theirs.

Psychological v/s Physical Bullying

Girls and some boys use psychological warfare. Psychological bullying can come in the form of exclusion and dirty looks. Moreover,  taunts, insults, rumors, and lies are also kinds of psychological bullying.

Psychological bullying can even include thievery, invasion of your privacy, and destruction of your property.

Male Bullying vs Female Bullying:

What females do if their psychological bullying isn’t working:

If female bullies discover that their psychological attacks do not work, they may then resort to physical violence. However, if females want to cause you bodily harm, they will more likely persuade someone else to do their violence for them.

For instance, they may send henchmen after you. In other words, they may send a male friend or a bigger and tougher female friend to catch you alone and physically assault you.

Now, you may ask, “But how do they get them to comply? Here’s your answer.

They do it by offering incentives. These girls may promise to give their male friend lots of sex. If they send a tougher female friends, they may promise to provide them with inclusion into their clique. They may also promise her the chance to climb the social ladder.

Lastly, they may also offer them money and material possessions.

Body Shaming

If you are female, people will also use your weight and their appearance as a weapon to cause harm.

Relational Bullying

By primal instinct, females are nurturers. Nature has hardwired girls and women toward maintaining familial, friend, and romantic relationships.

From the time they are small, most young girls dream of one day finding a mate and having children. Why? Again, because they have an instinct to nurture.

Females usually assume the role of caretakers of the family and home. This is why they place the most value on the ability to maintain relationships.

Female bullies aren’t completely clueless. They instinctively know this. Therefore, they will try to sabotage their target girl’s relationships.

Male Bullying vs Female Bullying:

Female Bullies Try to Lower Their Victim’s Prospects for Marriage.

It shouldn’t be any surprise that female bullies love to call their targets names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, and other names that attack femininity and virtues.

Also, here’s another thing to consider. Anytime you as a young lady are called either one of these names, there is an even deeper meaning behind it. Here’s the hidden meaning.

These bullies are essentially telling you that you aren’t marriageable. They are also trying to tell you that you aren’t worthy of a mate or children. And, therefore, you are not considered to be a whole woman.

Female Bullies Want to Brainwash you.

It’s the truth. This is the reason her attacks are so vicious and repetitive. She wants so badly to convince you that you are worthless. And, she will stop at nothing to make you believe it!

Why? Because she knows that if she can make you believe the lies, there is a strong chance that you will live up to them. We are what we believe.

This bears repeating. Female bullies hope you will live up to the names that they call you. If they call you a whore, what they really want is for you to be one.

A female bully knows that if she could drum it into your head, she will succeed in breaking your spirit. Then, she will succeed in making you prove her right.

So, don’t live up to it! Show her up! However, don’t expect her to give up easily. Girls tend to hang on to their hatred of another girl to the point of obsession.

Their bullying becomes a ritual. And when you stand up to a bully, don’t expect things to get better anytime soon. It usually gets worse before it gets better.

Male Bullying vs Female Bullying:

Females Aren’t Always the Weaker Sex

The reason for this is that girls and women are cunning. They are sneakier with their abuse. Females bully less obviously than females. Therefore, they are much harder to detect.

Compared to males, what females lack in physical strength, they make up for in social intelligence.

Male bullies:

Because nature has hardwired most males to be the hunter and gatherer, guys tend to be more physical. And why not?

Back during prehistoric times, males had to hunt and bring home the food to feed their families. Often, they had to fight off wild animals and human males of other groups to survive.

Although there are exceptions, males are more likely to use physical aggression. Young men are expected to be strong and tough – to display manhood.

Therefore, if the target is another male, the boy bully will not only use his fists, but will also try to feminize their target by repetitively emasculating him.

Male Bullying vs Female Bullying:

Emasculation of Male Targets

Male bullies often call their targets names like “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch”, and other names that attack maleness. The male bully’s goal is to cause their male victims to feel less like men. Why?

Male bullies aren’t clueless either. They know that if they can make their victims feel impotent, chances are that the bullied male will live up to it.

Therefore, a male bully will try like the devil to strip his victim of manhood. This is also the reason male targets beat up on their victims, especially if the victims are male, because a male who wins a fight is the alpha male.

They know that most females want a strong male partner who will protect and take care of them. They do not want to date a feminized male. In fact, feminized boys and men are complete turn-offs to most girls and women.

Therefore, male bullies will emasculate their victims to lessen their chances of finding a mate. Moreover, they also do it to expand the dating pool for themselves.

If the male victim speaks out against the treatment, other males may ridicule him for it. Moreover, the male bully will trivialize it by referring to him as a crybaby.

People may tell him to “toughen up”, or “man up”. The male bully may also accuse his male victim of going against“man-code” if he dares to report the bullying.

And male bullies who are physically violent usually beat up on males and females. However, there are a few who are so cowardly that they’ll never stand up against another guy but only beat up on girls. These types of male bullies are the most pathetic of all!

Male Bullying vs Female Bullying:

In Closing

If you face a male bully, you will likely endure physical bullying, whether you are male or female. On the other hand, if you face a female bully, you will likely face psychological and emotional bullying. So, tailor your defense accordingly.

This post is all about the differences in male vs female bullying so that you can tailor the best defense for each sex.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Male vs Female Bullying

2. Bullying Statistics Male vs Female: How Males and Females Bully

3. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

4. Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

suicide from bullying rates

Suicide from Bullying: 3 Must-Know Facts

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‘Want to know all the facts about suicide from bullying? Here are all the details you need to know so that if you ever contemplate taking your own life because of bullying, you’ll reconsider and choose life.

suicide from bullying

The suicide rate of bullying victims has skyrocketed in the last twenty years. This is heartbreaking. Therefore, in this post, you will learn that we can help lower the rates of suicide from bullying so that we can give victims hope and encouragement.

Once you learn all about these details, you will be able to lower the suicide rate, starting with yourself, and then give hope to those who still struggle.

This post is all about suicide from bullying, so that you can discover just how serious it is and not only take steps to ensure that you, yourself, do not end up being another statistic, but give other victims hope and encouragement so that they won’t become statistics either.

Suicide from bullying

Bullying has made headlines for the last twenty or so years. Millions of innocent kids are targets of bullying in school. And technology has only made it much worse.

I look back on my own suicide attempt when I was fourteen. I was angry that I survived the attempt then. However, I’m so thankful for my survival today. I now know that God gave me a second chance.

And he didn’t have to give me that. There are so many bullied kids who don’t get a second chance when they attempt suicide. Instead, they succeed at taking their own lives. And it’s heartbreaking!

God did not give me a second chance because I deserved it. None of us “deserves” anything from Him. I don’t know why he chose to give me another shot at life. But what I do know is that I’m grateful.

Here are 3 Facts about Suicide from Bullying

1. Victims don’t really want to die, they just want the pain to stop.

Suicide is not a natural act. It happens to bullied kids and adults when the bullying reaches such a high level that the person sees death as the only escape. It’s not that the victim wants to die. I don’t think victims really want death. They only want the pain to stop.

Victims feel they have tried everything else, and now, it seems that death is the only option they have left. Victims die from suicide because they have grown tired of fighting. They’ve tried reporting it, but no one listens because they don’t care.

Suicide from Bullying:

2. When bullied victims die from suicide, IT’S from an ACCUMULATION OF INCIDENTS.

Many times, the few friends the person has aren’t true friends. Why? Because they don’t have their back when the bullies come calling. This causes the victim to feel betrayed and sold out.

Nothing is worse than the realization that someone you trust doesn’t have your back. And, there’s no one worse than a friend who does not value your friendship.

Why? Because if they don’t value your friendship, they won’t think enough of you to speak against the torment. The shock of it is akin to being kicked in the stomach.

3. It’s not only the BULLYING, it’s the isolation, alienation, and lack of support that comes with it.

Targets of bullying have tried defending themselves, only for others to blame and punish them for it. Victims of bullying don’t consider suicide when the bullying first starts. They only reach the point of considering suicide when the bullying has gone on for so long and escalated such that the bullies have become deranged.

And when bullies become deranged, all they can focus on is ways to hurt their victims and hold them down. They become dangerously obsessed with their victims.

As a result, the victims suffer so much abuse that they see no way to escape it. Also, people have stopped listening to their cries for help. Sometimes, even family members.

 Moreover, it isn’t only the pain of bullying, it’s the isolation and alienation that comes when others bully you. It’s all these factors combined that add up to pain that only a few can comprehend. And, it’s what drives victims to suicide.

Suicide from Bullying:

Learning Everything you can about bullies and bystanders can save your life.

Bullies bully you because they want power over you. They want power and control over you because they don’t have it over their own lives. Bullies are so insecure that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make you feel bad.

Bullies are the biggest cowards in the world. However, most bystanders are also cowards. Sadly, most bystanders would rather watch someone else being harassed and do nothing to help them than risk pissing the bullies off. However, when they refuse to help you, they are just as guilty as the brutes who inflict the torment.

Another thing bystanders don’t think about is that any one of them could be next. And they wouldn’t like it if they were the ones being targeted and others saw it happen. They would be humiliated if people watched bullies pummeling them with insults, fists, and feet.

And what if one of the people witnessing was in a position to help them but chose not to? Here’s the truth you need to see right now. Most bystanders are arrogant. Why? Because they don’t think that bullying could ever happen to them.

Therefore, as long as it isn’t happening to them or someone they care about, they don’t care. This is what makes them just as bad as the bullies themselves.

The Trauma from Bullying Accumulates over time

People who watch the bullying but stand by and let it happen have no idea. They don’t know what it’s like to be on the receiving end.

They can never comprehend the pain this causes. It is a pain that most targets can see no end to. Again, all too often, a victim resorts to suicide to make it stop.

Suicide is one of the top causes of death among people ages 12 to 25. And the death of any young person is a tragic waste of precious life!

Some bystanders consider ridiculing another human as being funny, cool, or both. However, to the person being ridiculed, it is anything but that.

Small taunts and digs can add up over time and have a cumulative result of pain that is devastating. When others bully you, the suffering only grows. Each taunt, dig, or cruel joke cuts a little deeper.

Suicide from Bullying:

Bullied people were dying from suicide long before it was considered newsworthy.

Long before the late 90s and early 2000s, the subject of bullying was a taboo issue to bring up. You couldn’t mention it in conversation or even write about it.

Up until about twenty-five years ago, most people refused to discuss it. Targets often kept it hidden due to the shame that typically accompanies being a victim.

Why? Because in most cases, they knew they’d pay a heavy price for it. It was likely that others would blame them, accuse them of being the aggressor, or label them as “weak.”

However, here’s the reality. It doesn’t matter how tough, strong, smart, or awesome a person is. Anyone can become a victim of bullying. And bullies are such cowards that they always attack in groups.

Suicide from bullying:

Bullying usually occurs in numbers.

There is strength in numbers. In other words, large numbers of people can have a cumulative power that can overwhelm even the greatest, toughest, strongest, and most intelligent individuals.

If enough others are against you, you are powerless. It does not matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going you may be.

Only when school officials open up, face the truth, and admit that bullying exists in their schools can they tackle the problem. Moreover, they can make a safer learning environment for all students.

Over the last twenty-five years, people have finally recognized bullying as a serious enough problem to address publicly. It has made national headlines and is now one of today’s issues.

I believe that this is long overdue.

We must teach kids confidence.

Too many parents and schools fail to teach children the confidence they need to stand up to bullies. Teach kids confidence and save their life.

In closing

If you suffer bullying at school or work, I want you to know that there is still hope. Additionally, I want to assure you that you are awesome, regardless of what your peers may think or say.

  Rest assured that you are never alone and that there are so many other people – awesome people who suffer the same. You are good enough and you do matter.

You have value. And your value does not decrease because of your peers’ inability to see your worth.

No matter how hopeless your situation may be now, you must know that life won’t always be this way. There will come a day when you will be free of your tormentors. I am living proof that you can go on to live a happy, peaceful, and successful life. Just don’t give up. Protect your mental health. Strive to keep living.

You are worth fighting for, and you are worth living for!

This post was all about suicide from bullying, so that you know all the contributing factors. Also, the purpose of it is to encourage you to live even when things are at their worst.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying Based on Mental Health: 9 Reasons Bullies Target Those with Mental Illness 

be careful what you share with people

Be Careful What You Share: 5 Reasons to Guard Your Secrets

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‘Want to know why it’s so important to be careful what you share with people? Here you’ll learn why it’s essential to keep certain aspects of your life private.

be careful what you share

Sharing too much information about your life isn’t only a sign of low self-esteem; it can also cause social trouble for you later. Why? Because there are toxic people out there who would jump at the chance to weaponize this kind of info against you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why you should be careful what you share to avoid giving your bullies any fodder to use against you. You will also learn the kinds of things you should keep to yourself.

Once you learn all about these social faux pas and how to correct them, you will be able to protect yourself from bullies and social predators better.

This post is all about why you should be careful what you share and the types of information you should keep quiet about.

Be Careful What You Share

The first step to this rule is knowing what not to share. Here is a list of things you should keep to yourself.

1. Your Goals

Not everyone needs to know your goals. This is for everyone, but especially if you’re a target of bullying.

Many people trumpet their goals and dreams. They announce their plans without realizing the potential ramifications.

Additionally, if you’re a target of bullying, you have more reasons to keep your plans, goals, and dreams to yourself and work quietly. Understand that any time you announce your objectives and agendas, you place yourself at risk of being sabotaged.

Realize that your bullies are waiting, with bated breath, to destroy you. And, they would love nothing more than to derail you from your goals.

Be Careful What You Share:

Not everyone wants you to succeed.

You must realize that not everyone wants you to succeed. And that includes some of your closest friends.

Why? Because your success would force them to reflect on their own personal failures and shortcomings. If you’re a target of bullying, your bullies will be damned before they allow someone they see as inferior to reach success and overshadow them.

Bullies consider any success you enjoy as a personal affront. Any time you achieve a goal, you score a win, and when you score a win, you force your bullies into a place of lesser power.

It’s you who gets the recognition, praise, and glory, not your bullies. And they know it! In other words, you force them into the shadows while you get to shine and be recognized for your accomplishments.

This infuriates your bullies because they aren’t the ones in the spotlight! So, understand that the one thing bullies crave most is attention and adoration. And when they find that you’re getting more of those things than they are, it’s Katie bar the door!

IF you score a win, your bullies will make you pay for it.

Naturally, they will launch all sorts of attacks against you. Your bullies will make all sorts of accusations toward you. They’ll even bring up the mistakes of your past to drive you back into the shade.

You must see through their behavior. They only do it because their power has been threatened. And when a bully is threatened with losing power and being driven into obscurity, they reveal their true colors.

Therefore, you force them to expose themselves and their evil personalities. So, how do you handle this?

You handle it by simply staying above it. In other words, don’t react to the bullies’ foolishness. You deal with their abuse by continuing to enjoy your wins and successes and letting them stew in their own juices.

Just let them talk. Let them launch all the personal attacks they desire as they seethe themselves into a ball of madness! Because when they act out and spew nonsense against you, they only dig their own graves.

In the meantime, work quietly and stealthily until you reach your goals and successes. The more quietly you work, the less interference you’ll have from bullies and a few other toxic life-suckers.

And the fewer roadblocks you will run into along the way. And once you reach your goals, then you can bask in it, and with it, give your bullies the surprise of their lives.

“Your journey is silent, but your destination will be loud.”

2. Be Careful What you Share with people:

Good News

Good news is another thing bullies hate when it comes from you. Therefore, just to be safe, sometimes, you must keep your good news to yourself.

3. Your Successes

If you’re a victim of bullying, you can be sure that any successes you achieve will incite jealousy. Jealousy often leads to more bullying. Here’s why.

Most bullies believe that they are superior to you. Any time you make an achievement, they will see it as a threat to their power. Therefore, when you share any wins, your bullies will increase their attacks against you.

And they will do it not only to punish you, but also to keep you in your place. Therefore, it isn’t always safe to share your accomplishments.

Moreover, your bullies might convince others that you are bragging. In cases like this, please allow someone else to announce your success instead of doing it yourself.

4. Your Sex Life

This should go without saying. No one wants to hear about what goes on in your bedroom. When you share your sex life with others, you reveal yourself as classless. Also, you attract bullies who are itching to exploit that.

If you are a single female, your bullies may use it to paint you as a “slut,” “whore,” and other labels that attack the feminine virtues.

5. Be Careful What You Share:

Any History of Abuse

Bullies love to victimize people who are already suffering abuse. Why? Because when someone is abused, they are vulnerable. And bullies are cowards who go for the low-hanging fruit.

Remember that, in the animal kingdom, a pack of wolves always target the weakest animal in the herd to attack. Maybe the targeted animal is sick. Or, maybe the animal is wounded. So, wolves will zero in on that animal because they are the easiest prey.

It’s the same with bullies; they usually go after the person they deem the weakest. Therefore, someone who is or has been abused is easy prey. Why? Because victims of abuse typically have low self-esteem.

They’re least likely to defend themselves. Therefore, never tell anyone you were abused in the past unless it is someone you know you can trust.

6. Legal Problems

This is another detail about your life that you should keep to yourself. Even if it is as minor as a traffic ticket, bullies will find a way to exploit it. And your legal issues are none of anyone’s business.

It’s better to keep it private.

7. Be Careful What you Share with people:

Divorces or Breakups

No one needs to know about your divorce or breakup. Bullies will use it as confirmation that you are defective. And most people are judgmental these days.

It’s true that if you’re going through a divorce, it may show up in the local newspaper. However, you don’t have to be the one who announces it. Keep it to yourself.

8. Child custody

This is another thing to keep private, not only for yourself, but for your children as well. Evil people will rejoice over it because evil hates the sanctity of marriage and the beauty of family.

People who are jealous of you will see it as a form of justice. Again, some secrets should remain secrets.

9. Family Issues

This should be a no-brainer. Any problems you have in the family should stay in the family. Bullies will only spread it around and use it as confirmation that there is something wrong with you.

Therefore, don’t tell anyone anything they don’t need to know.

10. Be Careful what you Share:

Medical Diagnoses

Whether you were diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, no one needs to know except family and close friends. If you have a job, you may need to tell your supervisor and provide proof of your diagnosis.

This is understandable, as you may require time off work for hospitalizations and home recovery. However, many people, especially victims of bullying, may announce their diagnoses. They may do this in hopes of quelling any bullying.

However, it will only exacerbate the bullying. People are vicious these days, and they may rejoice over it. They may also bully you, hoping to make you sicker. Therefore, this is fodder bullies shouldn’t have.

11. Be Careful What You Share with people:

Who you voted for

In the past, people considered this a private matter, and it was understood and respected. It should still be private today. Why? Because today’s political climate is dangerous and, no matter what side of the aisle you are on, revealing your voting choices only invites bullying.

Therefore, keep that to yourself.

12. Your Finances

If nothing else, know this! Whether you are high or low-income, your money and bank account are no one else’s business.

Why? Two reasons. If you are high-income, you will incite envy. You may even bring resentment on yourself. If you are low-income, you will encourage pity, or worse, ridicule.

Therefore, your finances should remain secret!

13. Be Careful What you Share:

The Names of your Family Members

If people target you for bullying, the last thing they need to know is who you are related to. The reason for this is that bullies are known for targeting their victims’ families. Especially today!

Therefore, if you suffer bullying, you must do what you must do to keep your loved ones safe. Don’t reveal their names to anyone.

14. Your Home Address

Unless you want to risk bullies or their henchmen showing up on your doorstep, it’s best not to tell anyone your home address. With the doxxing culture that has washed over the world today, your bullies may find out where you live anyway.

However, you won’t be the one who gave the information to them. And, they will have had to work to get it. If possible, it’s best to keep your street address secret.

15. Your Phone Number

If bullies are targeting you, you don’t want them to have your phone number. Keep it secret and keep down the risk of any threatening and incendiary calls or texts.

5 reasons to guard your secrets

There are good reasons to keep certain parts of your life private. Here are five:

1. Reasons to Be Careful What you Share with people:

Bullies and other toxic people will use it against you.

Any traffic tickets, legal troubles, divorces, or other such negative situations are bully fodder. And bullies will gladly use it to poke holes in your character. The less people know, the better.

2. You might accidentally incite others’ jealousy.

Any good news, such as marriages, births, awards, accomplishments, and accolades, will only incite jealousy. For instance, if you are getting married, you may receive hatred from those who are having a difficult time finding a mate. People who have just experienced a breakup will also spew hatred toward you.

If you are pregnant, other women who want children and have difficulty conceiving will bully you out of jealousy. Women who have a hard time finding a mate will also give you a hard time. So, keep it to yourself until your expanding baby bump announces it for you.

Believe me. When you first discover you’re pregnant, I know how hard it is to keep to yourself. It’s an exciting time, and you can’t wait to share the great news. However, if you are a target of bullying, it’s not always wise. I found this out the hard way when I was expecting my first child.

Envy is an epidemic. Especially nowadays.

3. Be Careful What You Share:

You may lose out on opportunities.

For instance, if you are having legal troubles, you may lose out on job opportunities. Or, if people know about your sex life, you may lose social opportunities. Therefore, some things are better left unsaid.

4. Be Careful What You Share with people:

You may bring about judgment from others.

Any of the above secrets will bring judgment if exposed. And, whether or not they know anything, people will judge you anyway. So, it’s better to avoid making it any easier for them.

5. you may open yourself up to being a crime victim.

If you have a big bank account and you brag to everyone about it, it may reach the ears of criminals and place you in grave danger. Therefore, it’s best not to brag. Period!

This post is all about why you should be careful what you share with people so that you can raise your chances of safety and better avoid bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying 

2. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies 

how to avoid being gaslighted at work

How to Avoid Being Gaslighted: 5 Easy Tips to Protect Yourself

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Would you like to know how to avoid being gaslighted? Here are 5 easy tricks to buffer yourself from the gaslighter’s spell.

how to avoid being gaslighted

Gaslighting is the worst form of abuse. It is the worst form of manipulation and psycho/emotional control, and it happens when bullies and abusers consistently feed their targets lies that cause them to doubt their own experiences and what they know to be true.

In other words, it undermines your perception of reality. Consequently, if bullies gaslight you often enough and for long enough, it can make you think that you must be coming unglued.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to avoid being gaslighted so that you can protect your right to stand up to anyone who mistreats you.

Once you learn this life-changing information, you will easily see through the tricks of any bully and become resistant to gaslighting.

This post is about how to avoid being gaslighted so that you can protect yourself from bullying and abuse and become like kryptonite to gaslighters.

How to Avoid Being Gaslighted

Nowadays, those with narcissism, abusers, users, and those with psychopathy (BKA, bullies) are everywhere, and they will try to use and abuse you. Then, when you set boundaries and stand up to them, they will become angry and attempt to gaslight you.

And if you’re not sure how to avoid it, they will turn your life upside down. Sadly, many targets of bullying don’t have this knowledge. Therefore, they end up brainwashed once the gaslighting has gone on for so long.

Once this happens, targets will then become victims. Gaslighters and brainwashers can be anyone. They can be bullies in school or at work, abusive parents and spouses, satanic cult leaders, and crooked politicians and dictators.

Although these categories of people are different kinds of bullies from different walks of life, know this! They all pull the same tactics. In other words, the game is always the same, no matter who’s doing the gaslighting.

Moreover, they all have the same goal- power!

Therefore, you must learn how to avoid being gaslighted. Then, you can overcome it and protect yourself from any future gaslighting.

Here are Five easy ways to avoid this evil tactic.

Avoiding gaslighting is easy once you follow these steps.

1. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted:

First and Foremost, Know yourself!

This is the most important thing you must do. It means knowing who you are, what you want out of life, and what you absolutely will not accept.

You must know yourself inside and out and be secure with who you are. And if you don’t, you must find ways to get to know yourself. And be patient with the process because it may take a while.

But I promise you. It will be well worth it in the end. Once you know yourself completely, you’ll have the courage to set firm boundaries. Additionally, you’ll feel even better about yourself for doing it.

2. Know what Gaslighting is and Recognize the tactics when bullies use them!

What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse. It’s when the abuser does something abusive to you, then manipulates you to try to get you to doubt your own memory and experiences.

To realize when someone is gaslighting you, you need to know how to recognize the tactics they use. So, what are the most common tactics used in gaslighting?

  • Doing something abusive and then denying it when you call it out.
  • Attacking your self-esteem when you defend yourself against abuse, such as name-calling, minimizing the abuse, and ridicule.
  • Projection- when the bully projects all their shortcomings onto you.
  • Distraction- when the bully calls attention to your flaws to keep people from noticing theirs.
  • Victim-blaming- blaming you for their abuse of you. Saying things like, “You made me do it,” “You had it coming,” “You deserve it.”

These tactics are all gaslighting because they are designed to shift blame onto you. Therefore, when you recognize these tactics, do not take the blame.

Instead, you must immediately end the conversation, tell the person to stay away from you, and walk away. If the person is in your house or office, show them the door. Fast!

How to Avoid Being Gaslighted:

most common gaslighting phrases

Recognizing gaslighting means to know it when you hear it. Here are the most common statements gaslighters make.

  • “I didn’t say that.”
  • “You’re only imagining things.”
  • “That didn’t happen.”
  • “You need help.”
  • “You’re too sensitive.”
  • “Everyone agrees with me.”
  • “You’re overreacting.”
  • “Are you sure you remember that correctly?”

If someone ever says one of these things to you after they’ve abused you and you stood up to them, tell them to get away and stay away.

But what if you can’t tell them to get away from you? What if the gaslighter is someone you must work with? And what if the person is your spouse? Here are a few comebacks that shut down gaslighting.

Comebacks that shut down gaslighters

  • “The truth hurts sometimes.”
  • “I don’t see it that way.”
  • “Whatever.”
  • “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
  • “That’s your opinion, not mine.”
  • Responding with a question: “How?” “Like what?” “Like who?” etc.
  • “That’s your problem, not mine.”
  • “That’s your fault, not mine.”
  • “That’s on you.”

There are many ways you can respond to a gaslighter if you cannot get away from them. However, for these responses to work, you must not get emotional. The trick is to stay calm, cool, and confident.

3. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted:

Distance yourself from the bully (if possible).

This means having as little to do with the bullies as possible. Avoid the places they may gather. Put your hand up and walk away from them if they approach you.

Do everything you can to put distance between you and them. If they start running their mouths, don’t respond unless you see an opportunity for a good burn that will embarrass the bejeebers out of them.

4. See the bullies for the pathetic chumps they are.

When you realize that bullies are really a bunch of cowardly blowhards, their words will no longer carry any weight. Therefore, their gaslighting is least likely to affect you.

Realize that anyone who bullies others is on a lower level than you. And once you begin seeing them as inferior, nothing they say will matter.

5. How to Avoid Being Gaslighted:

Shut down the conversation and be on your way.

In other words, refuse to discuss the matter any further. Here are things you can say to shut down an argument with a gaslighter.

  • “I’m not having this conversation with you.”
  • “I’m not going to debate this any further with you.”
  • “This discussion is closed.”
  • “We’re done here.”
  • “You’re done. Bye.”

And when you use any of these responses, don’t waste any more time with the person. Quickly turn your back and walk away before they have time to come back with anything else. Leave them standing there looking foolish.

Never argue with a gaslighter.

Never! It’s a waste of your time and energy, and they aren’t worth it. You must realize that an argument is precisely what the gaslighter wants.

They want to drag you down to their level. Moreover, the more you argue with them, the more they can weaponize it and use it against you.

So, don’t allow them to waste your time. Stay above them.

The best thing to do is to walk away quickly and have no more to do with them. This is how you protect your self-esteem and mental health.

Also, you expose them for the creeps they are. And you teach them that you won’t play their childish games.

How to Avoid Being GAslighted:

Walk away and keep going.

They may shout as you’re walking away and accuse you of not being able to handle a good debate. They may even accuse you of being chicken. However, you know it isn’t true.

You also realize that they’re trying to keep the drama going. Therefore, their words won’t faze you, and you’ll keep walking.

This is how you avoid their gaslighting and protect your mental health.

I can’t stress this enough! Confidence is the number one deterrent to gaslighting. The more confidence you have, the less likely you are to fall victim to it.

You may be a target of bullies and their gaslighting, but you will never be a victim. Therefore, after so long of gaslighting you and not getting the reaction they want, the bullies will more than likely get bored and move on to someone else.

And you win!

In closing:

The first step to avoiding being gaslighted is to recognize the signs of gaslighting when it happens. So learn it, know it, and defend against it.

You will save yourself a ton of trouble and, not to mention, psychiatric bills down the road.

This post is all about how to avoid being gaslighted so that you can protect your confidence, self-esteem, and overall mental health from people who wish to destroy it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use