Category: bullying

Bullies and Victim-Mentality: 9 Behaviors of Bullies Who Play Victim

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‘Want to know about bullies and victim-mentality? Here’s everything you need to know.

bullies and victim-mentality

Bullies don’t mind dishing the nastiness out to their victims. However, when the victims start giving it back to them, they’ll play the victim-role real quickly.

In fact, they’re the biggest cry-babies in the world!

Therefore, in this post you will learn all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can keep from being blamed for their attacks.

Once you learn all about these important facts, you will be able to confidently call them out when you defend yourself against your bullies and they try to act like they’re the victims.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize the behavior and call it out. Also, you can protect yourself from getting blamed for your bullies’ ratchet behavior.

Bullies and Victim-Mentality

Bullies have a grandiose sense of entitlement. Why? Because they’re so quick to attack you without provocation. However, you finally get fed up and show your ugly side, it not only surprises them, it also offends them.

Therefore, they’ll assume the victim role.

Here are 9 behaviors of bullies who play victim.

1. They Dissolve into a puddle of tears.

If a bully thinks they’re about to get into trouble over their bad behavior, they’ll quickly turn on the water works. They’ll cry those crocodile tears and play the victim.

Unfortunately, they’ll do it so convincingly that others will fall for their bullshit. Therefore, be prepared and don’t take the blame for their bad behavior.

Call out those fake tears. And do it loudly and with confidence. Why? Because they’re nothing but a bunch of cry-bullies.

2. They Get Outraged at you for standing up to them.

Understand that bullies feel entitled to do whatever they want to do and you have no right to stop them. In fact, they believe you don’t have a right to even speak against it.

They think that they are beyond reproach and that you should never question their behavior.

You’re bullies think they have a right to mistreat you and you’re just supposed to bow down and take their crap. You’re just supposed to let them harm you and take it with a smile.

Why? Because, in their minds, you’re inferior. So, you should just shut your mouth and take it. They may not come out and say it. However, this is how these chumps think.

3. Bullies and victim-mentality:

They’ll grip, whine, and complain when things don’t go their way.

For instance, if you hold them accountable for anything, your bullies will bitch, moan, and regress into a toddler. If you stand up to them, they may run to a teacher or boss-man and cry like a little bitch.

They might throw a temper tantrum, railing against the injustice and unfairness of it all.

Also, they may also do something to get back at you for daring to stand up for yourself. Understand that cry-bullies must always get their way. This is why they get furious with and throw a fit with you.

Then, they’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that you’re the bully.

4. They’ll shout you down when call them out on their bad behavior.

To them, their words and opinions are golden. Therefore, if you happen to speak against them, your bullies will instantly turn into petulant children.

They’ll call you all kinds of ugly names and launch personal attacks against you. Moreover, they may even hit you first.

But, if you hit them back, they will cry like a wimp and claim you started it.

5. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They want everything handed to them.

Cry-bullies are entitled to have whatever they want when they want it. They don’t like to work for anything. Moreover, they don’t like to wait for it either.

These types of people are impatient. When they want something, they want it right then. And they’ll never stop bothering you until you cave in and give it to them.

You must understand that your bullies do this to wear you down. However, don’t give them the satisfaction. Double down and resist, no matter what! Stand firm, if for nothing more than to teach them a lesson.

6. They hate it when someone else has life better than they do.

When your bullies see you doing better than them, it makes them feel indignant. In other words, they feel that life hasn’t given them a fair shake.

They will often sulk and play on others’ sympathy. Also, they will try to get back at you for being just a little luckier than they are.

Understand that these types of individuals see your successes as injustice.

7. They Shift the blame to you.

This point takes me back to how the bully tries to make you look like the bully. In some cases, this person deludes herself into believing that she is, in fact, the victim.

And sadly, they’re very successful in making others believe that garbage.

Therefore, when you think of a cry-bully, think Nellie Olson in the TV series, “Little House on the Prairie.”

Don’t pander to the crybully and don’t be too nice and try to calm them down. If you do, they’ll only keep manipulating you.

8. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

Many Bullies Cop Out Behind Victimization.

Too many people use past trauma as justification for wrongdoing. They feel that because they suffered, life owes them somehow.

I have seen people mistreat others merely because of the bullying they suffered in the past. But, why do they do this? It’s because they think that it’s the only way they can feel empowered again.

Sadly, I was guilty of the same thing in high school. It isn’t something I’m proud of today.

For example, some may choose to rob a bank or burn down a corporate building because they grew up poor. Because they didn’t get a fair shake in life, they think that it justifies their crimes.

In their minds, the world owes them. Therefore, they have a good excuse for striking back against a system they believe screwed them over.

And, when the law finally catches them and hauls them off to jail, they become even more embittered. Why? Because they believe that being held responsible for their crimes only further evidences that they aren’t getting a fair shake.

We’re all responsible for our actions regardless of what happened to us in the past. 

Evil behavior always brings consequences. You reap what you sow.

Your feelings are valid but your actions aren’t. Past victimization does not justify wrongdoing. Ever! A reason does not equal an excuse. We’re all responsible for our lives, whether you like it or not.

I could have gone on bullying others because people bullied me in the past. But where would it have gotten me? Nowhere! That behavior would have only brought consequences and more misery.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn from adversity and take accountability for your life? Therefore, it’s up to you to try to make your life better than it was in the past.

9. Bullies and Victim-Mentality:

They live in the past.

Now, reminiscing isn’t a bad thing. To look back on yesterday, when life was much simpler, makes you feel good. Happy memories always make you feel better.

However, when you constantly ruminate on the bad stuff that happened to you, that’s when it becomes a problem.

You hold grudges. And you long to someday get back at the person who hurt you. This isn’t good for anyone. It only eats you out from the inside.

Bullies are notorious for holding grudges.

Sadly, too many survivors of bullying hold on to grudges. They constantly ruminate over the bullying they endured, wishing they had knocked the hell out of the bully. They look back with remorse, shame, guilt, and regret.

Now, it’s normal to do right after you’ve gotten out of the toxic environment that encouraged the bullying. I completely understand. However, when this goes on for too many years, you only hold yourself back. Unnecessary baggage only keeps you down.

Therefore, don’t trap yourself in an endless cycle of what-ifs. Why? Because, when you do, you only keep yourself stuck in a quagmire of misery.

Also, you forgo opportunities to learn from and grow from those experiences.

So, let it go. Accept what happened and learn from it. Let it make you better instead of bitter!Only then can you reach empowerment and find happiness.

In Closing

Nothing makes you sicker than seeing some punk bully start something they can’t finish. And there’s nothing more pathetic than a bully who pushes someone too far, than cries like a schoolyard sissy when they get their ass kicked up between their shoulders.

But sadly, this is how most of them get away with bullying.

Therefore, if you’re a bully, do yourself a favor. Don’t mess with someone and expect not to get some in return. Don’t be a cry-bully.

And, if you’re a victim, stand up for yourself even if your bully tries to put on the innocent little victim act. Continue to hold your boundaries.

Don’t fall for the crocodile tears or the selective outrage. Call that shit out! And stand strong. Realize that victim-mentality is only a farce, designed to keep your bullies’ asses out of trouble.

And lastly, and most importantly, refuse to see yourself as a victim. Instead, see yourself as a target. Why? Because there’s a difference between a target of bullying and a victim of bullying.

This post is all about bullies and victim-mentality so that you can recognize it when you see it and be prepared for it when you stand up to your bullies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers

4. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters 

female bullies reddit

Female Bullies: 7 Reasons They Bully Other Women and Girls

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‘Want to know all about female bullies? Here are all the reasons they like to bully other women and girls.

female bullies

Female bullies are the most vicious of the sexes. Why, because they’re sneakier with their bullying than their male counterparts.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about female bullies and the reasons they bully. Moreover, you’ll also learn the traits these bitches look for in potential victims.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be prepared the next time these little vixens come for you. And you’ll be better able to defend yourself against them.

This post is all about female bullies, the covert tactics they use, the types of victims they look for, and how you can defend yourself so that you can rise above them like a phoenix! 

Female Bullies

Message to Female Victims

I knew how you feel. You see all the boys at school fawning over your bullies.  Or, you may be the single lady at work who watches all the suitors flirt with your workplace bullies. All the while, they only overlook or even laugh at you.

And the funny thing is that most of these girls may or may not look as good as you. However, these guys see something in these gals. And believe me, I know the sense of bewilderment you must be feeling.

But let me tell you what they really see in those girls.

They see potential scores- easy marks – cheap thrills! To put it bluntly, they have plans to bed these women. A honeypot is a honeypot and erect penises have no eyes. So, do you really want a guy to see you as that?

So, why do these guys avoid or laugh at you? Maybe it’s because they sense that if they were to ask you to put out, you’ll only turn them down flat. Therefore, these guys are great big chickens!

You must realize that most Female Bullies are easy.

Understand that when people know they can’t have something, they show disdain for it. In other words, they dump all over it to look like they’re the ones in control.

Guys in your age group may pass you over. However, many of the  guys will only use your them one time. And, once they get what they want from them, they’ll toss them away like a dirty diaper. Yuck! Who wants that!

And many of these jerks are under the delusion that they’re doing these girls a favor by even considering them. Also, they think that these gals are automatically obligated to put out to them.

This happens a lot in school.

And, if they say no, the boy usually kicks her get out of his vehicle and drive away. Therefore, he leaves her stranded on the side of the road at ten or eleven on a Saturday night. This happened to many girls when I was in school and it probably happens today.

So, can you really say that you’re unlucky? Absolutely not. It’s only evidence that you’ve dodged a bullet!

Therefore, if you’re one of those girls whom guys overlook, it may be a blessing in disguise! Do you really want some creep who’s only out to get in your pants?

Hold on to your virtues. Be confident in who you are. Moreover, be proud that you have morals and aren’t like the other girls who get kissed up to.

Why? Because the favor they get from these guys always comes with a huge price tag!

Female Bullies Like to Target Classy Chicks and Good Girls

In no way am I judging anyone who is sexually liberated. That’s not my job. Therefore, I won’t attempt to do a job that’s only God’s to do.

But when these bullies mistreat classy ladies who choose to save themselves for true love, that’s when I’m going to have something to say. And some people won’t like it. So, here goes.

Have you noticed that it’s almost never the butt-floss wearing females who get targeted for bullying? It seems that it’s mostly the girls who are discreet and have self-respect that people treat the worst.

Bullies and others ridicule them and made to feel like there’s something wrong with them if they don’t follow their lead. Moreover, it seems that bullies love to target these ladies.

But why?

1.Pop culture and music.

We get subliminal messages from the music, movies, TV, and other media outlets. And they push the narrative that it is okay to, dare I say, act like a “ho.”

Girls listen to a lot of “thot-pop.” Also, they watch videos of overrated stars like Cardi B and Miley Cyrus, who bare it all and commit blatant sexual acts for all the world to view right from their living rooms.

Who remembers either watching Cardi B’s raunchy performance with Megan whatshername to her infamous “WAP” song?

Sadly, our girls are getting the message that it’s okay, and worse, completely normal to let it all hang out. Society has normalized acting inappropriate in public.

Many girls think that it’s completely fine to cheapen themselves and make themselves nothing more than a sex object. In other words, they think it’s better to use your behind rather than your mind to get ahead in life.

Society is embracing the wrong values. Moreover, female bullies are persecuting the classy ladies who don’t or won’t jump on board.

The running narrative is that anything goes. Showing belly, boobs, and butt is what it takes to get a man.

However, no guy who’s worth his salt would even consider a long-term relationship, much less marriage with such a woman.

2. Female bullies think that classy women are old-fashioned and boring.

It’s no secret that bullies prioritize the wrong things. They focus on getting attention, approval, admiration, and popularity.

Therefore, they’re all for indecent behavior and stripping down to nothing if it will give them those benefits. Because bullies are all about being idolized and worshiped.

And they’ll only sneer at others who aren’t ratchet and slutty like they are.

But! Here’s the thing. Maybe, just maybe, it isn’t only that bullies consider classy women and good girls to be old-fashioned and boring.

They see classy woman and good girls as a threat.

If  you’re one of those decent ladies who gets bullied by other females, It just might be because you won’t  bow down and worship them. You won’t give them the validation they’re seeking.

Moreover, male bullies may bully you because they know that you just might reject them! Gasp!

So, again. Why do people bully good girls and classy women?

Because a good, classy, down-to-earth lady respects herself too much to kneel before anyone. And the she-bullies with narcissism are more than likely to be the butt-cheek baring, all-eyes-on-me, girls.

And the lady deems attentions-seekers to be of the lowest common denominator. Therefore, such females aren’t worth her time, and the she-bullies know that. And they’re angered by it.

Female bullies hate it when someone inferior won’t kneel.

God forbid that anyone they deem inferior rejects them. I mean, think about it. Maybe that’s why these she-bullies are so hell bent on bringing you down.

It’s because, deep down, they already know that you don’t think very highly of them. They have an I’m-gonna-get-you-before-you-get-me kind of attitude.

So, if you’re one of these victims, this is my message to you.

Know that your worth is so much higher than the she-bullies and their tomcat male counterparts. You have standards, a strong sense of self and know that you’re not just a sex object.

Therefore, you chose to expose your mind and not your behind. And one day, you’ll find a real man who truly deserves you and wants to love you.

Know that your worth isn’t determined by the eye candy you can offer men. And, it isn’t determined by what you can do for them.

Your sex-appeal doesn’t determine your worth.

Your worth is determined by what you can do for yourself and how well you treat yourself and others.

The best thing you can do is to be a lady. Why? Because it is the ladies who end up being the winners. They don’t have to resort to cheapening themselves to fit in or get male attention.

Moreover, they don’t accept attention from the cheap tomcats who crawl up behind the she-bullies.

The beautifully decorated, yet half-naked she-bullies are a dime a dozen. The she-bully only attracts the dogs.

In other words, they attract the beta-men who only pose as alphas. Only the cheap playboys who are only there to hit it then quit it chase these girls.

But a lady is a keeper. She’s not a one-date wonder or a one-night stand. Why? Because she knows she’s worth more than just her body.

Ladies don’t care what female bullies think of them.

The lady doesn’t care what petty people think of her. She doesn’t give a hoot that the she-bullies and their tomcats look down their noses at her. Because they don’t matter.

It is the lady, the once-bullied classy chick and good girl who will score a high-value man. Why? Because she is a high-value woman.

Moreover, the lady will live a good life because she has good morals she lives by. And those morals are, in fact, so strong that they remain unchanged by the decaying society we live in.

Instead of being half-naked to fit in, the lady will stand out by keeping her clothes on. This doesn’t mean she dresses like a nun, but she keeps it classy.

And, if you’re one of these ladies, that’s why you’re already ahead of the game. She-bullies are only good for a one-time roll in the sack. Ladies, on the other hand, are wife for life material.

Here are the 7 Reasons Female bullies bully other women and girls.

1. Competition.

She-bullies are overly competitive. Females who are ladies threaten their power. Therefore, those bullies will give them a hard time.

They do it to destroy their confidence and degrade them in the eyes of others. Especially suitors!

2. Jealousy.

If a female bully sees a lady who’s got her shit together, she will be jealous of her. As a result, the bully will do her best to know her down a peg or two.

3. Insecurity.

These chicks are naturally insecure. Otherwise, they wouldn’t behave the way they do. When they see some girl who’s secure in who she is, they want to tear her down.

Why? Because they want her to be as insecure as they are.

4. Female Bullies think it looks cute.

Ferocious females mistreat others because they think it impresses others, especially guys. However, others look down on that kind of behavior.

No one wants to be around someone who’s petty. And a catty woman is a complete turn-off to guys.

5. For social status.

Unfortunately, most people are toxic these days. Therefore, bullies are likely to be rewarded in toxic environments.

However, in one that’s healthy, bullies won’t get far.

6. To impress people.

This goes back to number four. Catty behavior isn’t impressive at it. It’s socially repelling! Moreover, no guy wants to be with a drama-queen. Why?

Because, he knows that she just might turn on him too. If you want to know how a person will treat you, watch how they treat others.

7. Female Bullies Bully other females To feel better about themselves.

They may feel better for the moment. However, it won’t last. That sense of power bullies get can fade rather quickly!

In closing

If you’re a decent, self-respecting woman who other females love to torment, I can’t stress this enough!

Women who are catty never get far in life.

So, don’t let the desire to fit in cause you to relax your values, your morals, your beliefs, and your convictions. Hold on to your standards. Know your worth.

Things may be lonely for you now. However, the virtues your bullies ridicule will be the very qualities that real, quality people will cherish.

You just wait!

This post was all about female bullies and the reasons they bully so that you will be prepared for them. And You’ll respond to them with poise and confidence.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying 

2. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by 

3. Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well 

Recovery from Bullying: Journey to Healing

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‘Want to know about recovery from bullying and what to expect once you leave the toxic environment you were bullied in? Here are all the details!

recovery from bullying

After you finally escape a bullying environment, you must take time to heal. Moreover, the healing may take a while. But! Know that you can do it! You can overcoming bullying and move on to a more productive and rewarding life.

In this post, you will learn all about the long recovery from bullying from someone who has been there.

Once you learn all about these encouraging details, you will be much more excited for your future. Moreover, you will look forward to the day you find peace and happiness.

This post is all about recovery from bullying so that you can finally rest and heal. And, for the first time in a long time, you can finally look forward to a brighter tomorrow.

Recovery from Bullying

The healing didn’t happen overnight.

The trial by fire ended during my senior year. I could hardly believe it was over! I was finally transferring to a brand new school, where I could start anew, with a clean slate.

My new school, Roseberg High, felt like a paradise! Everyone there accepted me as I was, and I made so many new friends. For the first time in six years, I felt safe again!

Moreover, I could relax and be myself.

I felt as if my life was finally beginning. And I could finally put the bullying from the old school behind me.

However, this brand new start didn’t come without a few hang-ups. The last several months at Roseburg were the best of all four years of high school.

But I didn’t realize that I was still carrying a lot of leftover baggage from the severe abuse I suffered at the old school.

There were afternoons during my first month at Roseburg when I’d have a long cry after I got home. Being four months pregnant at the time, I mistook the tears for the raging hormones of pregnancy.

Recovery from Bullying:

Mourning the years I could never get back.

However, I realize now that the crying was a sign I hadn’t recovered yet.

Though I loved my new school and all the people there, I regretted not being able to transfer earlier. I was grieving the loss of so many years. And these were years that I could never get back.

My then-husband worked a twelve-hour graveyard shift. Therefore, I spent most nights at home alone. In the afternoons, he would be asleep when I’d come in from school.

So, I had plenty of time to grieve.

Flashbacks.

During those first weeks away from the bullying, I also suffered flashbacks. And they would come automatically and without warning.

I had flashbacks of my old bullies shoving me to the floor, brutally beating me up, and yelling and cursing me out. At night I’d have nightmares.

I would dream that I was swimming in a lake and enjoying the water. Suddenly a terrible feeling would sweep over me and I’d stop and look around.

I would see my classmates from Oakley High and they were also in the water. They surrounded me. Afterwards, one of them would push my head underwater.

I’d fight like hell to come back up for air. However, as soon as I’d get my head above water and gasp for breath, they’d shove me back under again.

Once more, I’d have to hold my breath and fight with my arms flailing in the water. I tried so hard to get away from them.

Recovery from Bullying:

Bad Dreams.

Finally, I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. And I wasn’t strong enough to fight them off. Therefore, I had no other choice but to give up the fight to live.

Just as I inhaled and felt the searing burn of water fill my lungs, I’d wake up with a jolt. I had this same dream almost every night.

Also, I remember having another dream where one of my old bullies hunted me down and shot me. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, so frightened I couldn’t move a muscle.

I’d only lay there, trembling in the darkness.

A range of emotions.

During my first month out, I also dealt with a lot of sadness and anger. Luckily, it didn’t show. Roseburg High was my happy place. And while I was there during the day, I didn’t have those emotions, nor did I have any flashbacks.

The sadness, anger, flashbacks, and dreams only happened when I was home alone or sleeping.  I wanted so badly to forget about Oakley and live in the present.

During that month, I also felt a degree of shame. However, I soon realized that the shame wasn’t mine to bear. But I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.

I would often think to myself,

“What’s wrong with me? I’m out of that hellhole now! I should be happy! And I am. But why do I keep having these episodes of crying and feeling angry any time I’m alone?”

When I felt angry, I wasn’t mad at my former classmates. I was angry at myself for allowing them to tear me down the way that they did.

I felt like a battered wife who’d just left her abusive husband! Recovery from bullying isn’t easy. In fact, it’s tough. And it takes a lot of work!

Recovery from Bullying:

Getting over the trauma of bullying.

I was fortunate, though. It didn’t take long for the raw emotions to subside. The flashbacks, and the nightmares slowly went away too.

Finally, I could begin focusing on making great memories with my Roseburg classmates. During the first month, I had allowed myself to feel and to cry.

I talked to a few of my most trusted family and friends.

Moreover, I realized that I wasn’t wrong to have those emotions. They were signs that something was terribly wrong in my previous environment.

I also began to understand that I wasn’t what was wrong. I’m thankful that I didn’t bury those emotions like so many survivors of bullying do.

Also, I concluded that what I experienced was the release of emotions that had, for a long time, been suppressed.

Releasing suppressed emotions.

They were emotions that I wasn’t allowed to have in the old environment. In fact, I was afraid to show them, even feel them, because I knew they’d see right through me.

Then, they would punish me with more bullying. The only alternative I had was to keep those emotions buried deep.

And although my parents had been well-meaning, there were times that neither of them could handle the intense crying.

Therefore, only after I got out of there did they begin to pour forth.

Recovery from bullying:

A roller coaster ride.

After a month of riding that roller coaster, everything finally subsided. I felt like a new person!

I didn’t get any therapy, although I should have.  Besides, I was young, newly married, and expecting my first child. Therefore, everything was changing so fast I could barely keep up.

So, I worked through it on my own. As I mentioned earlier, recovery takes hard work.

I had the help of a new and nourishing environment, a few trusted people, and new friends. Therefore, I was able to get through the horrible after-effects of bullying and peer abuse.

I began to set goals to learn about computers. Also, I made Honor Roll at my new school. As my grades skyrocketed and I achieved those goals. And my confidence shot through the roof!

Most survivors aren’t as fortunate.

Sadly, most survivors of bullying aren’t as lucky as I was. Many take years to even get through the grief.

Bullying stays with you. For some, the trauma can last a lifetime.

Graduation and after.

Graduation was bittersweet. I was happy to finally graduate high school. However, I was also sad. Why? Because I would miss my classmates and teachers from Roseburg High.

It all ended too soon.

My first five years post-graduation was full of ups and downs. I struggled with bouts of depression and didn’t know why. I was on the roller coaster again and desperately wanted to get off but didn’t know how.

Having babies and being a post-partum new mother only doubled the depression that was already there.

As the years wore on, I lived, and I worked. I was a mother of two small children but only going through the motions and surviving. In fact, I was only existing. It felt as if I was living on autopilot. But then, something amazing happened!

Recovery from Bullying:

The Article that Changed My Life.

In 1995, I came across a magazine article while on my lunch break at work. The article was about a kid severely bullied by his class.

Like me, his bullies had tormented him so horrifically that he thought about suicide. However, he too had eventually transferred to another school.

And his life changed for the better. He, too, had made a complete turnaround. Finally, he got the chance to experience the friends, fun, and excitement that high school was supposed to be.

Reading this article was a turning point for me. In fact, finding it was one of the best things that happened to me!

This article answered so many questions. Moreover, it confirmed that none of the abuse I’d suffered at my classmates’ hands was my fault.

The piece was also validation that there was never anything wrong with me. It only cemented the truth I’d always known deep down inside. That I wasn’t to blame for their abuse!

My classmates were the perpetrators. They had the issues. And they had held me responsible for problems that were theirs, not mine.

With this confirmation came my empowerment!

During those years, many people, including a few well-meaning family members, had often told me that the bullying I suffered was all in my imagination. Also, they’d tell me that it wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be.

Many more had said to me that I brought it all on myself. However, deep down, I knew better. There were times, I may have doubted it, but I held on to the truth.

In my heart, I had known the truth years before I read this piece and held on to it. Maybe this personal knowledge was why I resisted my bullies and fought back, even if it meant getting hurt.

And maybe it was why I suffered so many physical assaults. Nevertheless, I needed confirmation – a second opinion of sorts. And that magazine article was exactly what I needed.

At that moment, everything fit together like a perfect puzzle! I cannot express the relief I felt. It was as if it had lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders. My heart began to soar!

Recovery from Bullying:

Bullying is Abuse.

For the first time, I saw the bullying for what it was. Abuse!

I thirsted for even more knowledge of bullying and the human predator/prey dynamic. From that day forward, I read everything I could get my hands on.

I devoured magazine articles, essays, books, online articles, everything that pertained to bullying and peer abuse.

There were so many unanswered questions.

  • “What was it about me that made me a target?”
  • “How had my bullies been allowed to get away with their brutality?”
  • “What was it about my bullies that made them so charming and good to everyone else?”
  • “What were the ingredients to their charm and allure?”
  • “Where had their intense hate and mean-spiritedness come from? What had precipitated it?”
  • “Had they too been abused, or were they just spoiled, coddled egomaniacs infected with schadenfreude?”

So many questions haunted me and increased my curiosity. Therefore, I continued digging for information, like a police detective eager to solve a case.

Recovery from Bullying:

Tim Field

During the late nineties, I came across Tim Field’s BullyOnline.org and hungrily read every one of his articles. The website was massive, and it took a while to read.

I went through it with a fine-toothed comb. If I had questions, I emailed Tim, and he would always reply in a timely and courteous manner.

Sadly, Mr. Field is no longer with us. He passed away from cancer years ago.

It’s been almost thirty years since I found the article that changed my life. And I cannot tell you how many sources of information I’ve poured through.

Moreover, I can’t measure the truckloads of knowledge I’ve attained. Nor can I tell you how much the knowledge has empowered me.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Between experience and almost three decades of reading and research, I’ve gained insights that have given me a whole new perspective of bullies and bullying.

That article back in 1995 set me on a path to greater knowledge. Moreover, it gave me a passion for helping other bullying victims through writing and advocacy.

I’ve found what I love to do, and it is so rewarding!

I thank God for placing that article in front of me that day at work. Otherwise, I might still be wandering in the dark and trying to find my way.

That magazine article truly changed my outlook on the bullying I suffered. I no longer see it as something that ruined my life. No.

Recovery from Bullying:

My life’s work.

I see the bullying as an event that gave me a fiery passion for using my experiences to help those who endure bullying today. It showed me my life’s work. And, through that, it gave me peace and happiness.

Therefore, I do not hate my bullies. And I don’t need to take revenge. Turning abuse around to the benefit of others is how I turn my pain into power!

And that’s the best revenge you can ever take!

If you’re a victim of bullying, know this. What’s happening to you is wrong and it isn’t your fault. You never asked to be brutalized. You do matter, and you are enough!

More importantly, you can turn your pain into your passion. You can also turn your pain into power! And this is how you overcome bullying.

This post is all about my own recovery from bullying so that you’ll have the encouragement you need to stay strong. Moreover, it’ll give you hope for a brighter future!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

2. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

3. Bullying and Psychological Effects: 10 Emotions Victims Feel

4. Imbalance of Power in Bullying: 3 Sources of Power for Bullies

loving yourself first is not selfish

Loving Yourself First: 7 Amazing Benefits of Treating Yourself Well

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Do you want to know the true meaning of loving yourself first and the positive changes that come with it? Here are the mind-blowing advantages you gain when you treat yourself right.

loving yourself first

When you endure relentless bullying seemingly from every direction, loving yourself and putting yourself first can be difficult. Moreover, it’s too easy to buy into the lies of bullies and turn against yourself when people hurl insults and negative comments at you daily.

This is why you must embrace yourself even when it seems that no one else does.

In this post, you will learn about loving yourself first and ways to play mind games with yourself when you feel your self-esteem beginning to slip.

After you learn all these important tips, you will be more resistant to any negativity bullies kick your way. Here are things you can do to continue loving yourself first that are powerful and that work!

Loving yourself first

What does loving yourself first mean? It means loving yourself second to only God. It means continuing to treat yourself well in spite of the way people at work, school, the community, and even a few evil family members treat you.

Also, it means not giving respect to anyone who hasn’t earned it from you. Moreover, it means protecting your heart, your peace, and your space by establishing boundaries.

However, when you are a target of bullying, this can be very difficult when it seems that the only thing you hear from others is negativity. Constantly being bombarded with ugly names, cruel taunts, and attacks tends to accumulate over time.

 As a result, it can have a devastating effect on your self-esteem. In other words, if you aren’t careful, you too will begin to believe the cruel falsehoods that mean-spirited others tell you.

Therefore, no matter how viciously others may treat you, you must do everything possible to hold on to self-love! You must do this even if you have to look at yourself in the mirror every day and make positive affirmations.

“I AM an awesome person.”
>“I AM beautiful.”
>“I AM worthy of being loved.”

You must maintain your self-esteem and never let anyone brainwash you into thinking that you are less than.

How you go about loving yourself first

You must love and respect yourself before anyone else can. Moreover, you must command respect from others, including a few family members you love dearly, and be willing to make some tough decisions to receive that love and respect.

Sometimes, you must be willing to walk away, knowing full well that there is always a chance that the person may never see your worth. This means coming to a place where you no longer care the slightest about the outcome.

Also, you go about it by showing yourself compassion and practicing self-care.

Yes. There is a strong chance that your value will go up in people’s eyes, and they may eventually see your worth. There’s also a chance that they may come to respect you and treat you better than you ever thought possible.

It may not happen overnight. In fact, it may take a few years, but it can happen.

However, there’s also chance that these family members may not see your worth and continue to treat you badly. Therefore, be okay with it and be ready to cut these people out of your life. That’s what self-love is about.

To protect yourself from those who refuse to see your worth, don’t only walk away, but do it without guilt.

If, by chance, people don’t change toward you, realize that you did not turn your back on them because you did not care about them. You did it because they did not love you enough to treat you with the respect that you know you deserve.

Therefore, ever look outside of yourself for acceptance and validation. Never depend on others for assurance of your value. Let love come from within your heart!

Loving yourself first means loving everything that is you.

It means embracing every single part of yourself that you can do nothing about. What it doesn’t mean is accepting some things about yourself and either hating or being ashamed of other parts. In other words, it means accepting yourself completely– your entire self and all that you are- your whole being.

Therefore, whether you’re rich, poor, or middle-class, embrace it. It’s a part of who you are. Whether you’re Black, White, Hispanic, Jewish, or any other race, never be ashamed of it! Embrace it because it too is a part of you.

Whether you have brown eyes, blue eyes or green; dark, red, or blonde hair; dark or light skin- love those things. Those are also what makes you you.

Moreover, love your nationality, your country, your state, community, and neighborhood because they too make up the person that is you. Whether you are American or Japanese, British, or Indian, take pride in those things about you.

Take pride in and love yourself, no matter your heritage!

Accept your past and be okay with it.

If you grew up poor and made it out, don’t be ashamed. Be proud of it because it’s a testament to how far you’ve come. Also, if you grew up in an abusive household, own that too because it’s proof that you survived and overcame.

The same goes if you were once a person with a drug or alcohol addiction but now sober. Be not ashamed of those things, for those are things you’ve triumphed over. Moreover, if you have a past of crime and imprisonment and have turned your life around, see it as evidence of how you’ve matured and use it to teach others.

Love yourself no matter your weight, height, or whether you have freckles, glasses, or braces. they too are the building blocks of you. If you’d like to change them and can change them, by all means, do it.

Loving yourself first means changing what you can change and accepting what you can’t change about yourself.

Lose weight if you want to or get contacts if you don’t like your eyeglasses. Moreover, it’s okay to look forward to beautiful teeth once those braces come off. Know that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to become what you feel would be a better version of yourself.

However, love the things you can’t change about yourself. Embrace yourself. Even better, celebrate yourself. Know that each of us is perfectly made, flaws and all!

Know that how you look, your past, your weight, height; eye, hair, and skin color; race, nationality, creed, upbringing, orientation, religion, values- each are the building blocks that make up the whole you.

The only thing that matters is your character and how you treat yourself and others.

Therefore, if you know in your heart that you are a good person and have so much to offer others. But that includes yourself too.

Remember that when it all comes down, no person is better than another. See yourself as neither superior nor inferior, but just as good as the next person. You are you and you love it!

Therefore, love and accept yourself. Believe in yourself. Moreover, take care of yourself and know your value and your worth. Know that you are worthy of the best life has to offer!

7 benefits you reap from loving yourself first:

1. You attract better people into your life.

You don’t attract what you want. No. You attract what you are. In other words, if you’re a negative person, you’ll only attract others who are negative. Just the same, if you don’t love yourself, you only attract others with the same condition.

However, once you begin valuing yourself, you’ll soon attract others who not only value themselves, but will value you as well.

Why? Because the energy you put out will change to the positive and people will pick up on it by sensing it. Therefore, you’ll begin attracting people into your life who will want to be around you and become friends.

You will most likely find true friends who love you for you.

2. You attract better circumstances into your life.

Blessings begin to flow into your life because of this change in attitude. When you love yourself, you believe you deserve better and better is what you’ll get. It’s just the way things work.

Your circumstances will match your disposition.

3. Your relationships improve.

Loving yourself first means that you have enough love to give others. Also, you give it more properly. Naturally, this improves your relationships exponentially because most people love those who love them.

4. Loving yourself first will skyrocket your confidence and self-esteem.

When you love yourself, it’s only natural that you also raise self-esteem and became more confident. Self-love is the battery that powers the confidence/self-esteem machine.

5. You’re healthier.

You have better health because you love yourself enough to eat right, exercise, and get plenty of sleep at night.

6. Your motivation increases.

You’re more motivated to pursue your interests and work on your goals when you have self-love.

7. You’re more productive.

As a result of increased motivation,  you bring more success and achievement into your life. This is why you accomplish so much more with self-love.

So, don’t you think it’s time you begin giving yourself the self-care you deserve? Self-love also means respecting yourself. Know that you’re worth it. And the benefits of it will amaze you! I promise!

this post was all about loving yourself first and the benefits that follow.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

3. Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

why people reward bullies in the workplace

Why People Reward Bullies

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‘Want to know why people reward bullies? Here are all the reasons you need to know about so that you can use them to your advantage.

why people reward bullies

It’s not uncommon to see bullies get rewards they don’t deserve. There are countless articles about bullies who gain favor from others.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly why people reward bullies so that you can see what tools bullies use to gain favor.

Once you learn all about the tools they use, it will no longer confuse you. Moreover,  you just might be able to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about why people reward bullies so that you can relieve any confusion you may have. Also, you can take advantage of this new knowledge without stepping on others.

Why People Reward Bullies

Ever wonder why most seem to celebrate your bullies but hate you?

Everywhere you go, the workplace, school, or community, others tend to favor those who don’t deserve it. It seems that they support the vilest and nastiest human beings.

Yet, they despise those who go about their business and just want to live their lives in peace. So, why is this?

1. It’s because the world is mostly fake.

Put simpler, it thrives mostly on appearances. The majority of people are fake. Therefore, in an environment of fake individuals, others will only demonize those who are authentic.

Why? Because those who are real are threatening to everyone else. So, others will demonize them to contain the threats.

2. It’s because Most people prioritize the wrong things. 

Most fake people prioritize power, fame, sex, money, success, and good looks. Why? Because these are things they think make them seem more important.

Bullies bully to achieve these things. Therefore, others may reward them for it.

Also, too many think that strength is all about the ability to step over others. Granted, this may have been true during the caveman days. However, it isn’t so today.

Today, strength comes from social intelligence and the ability to keep quiet and listen. Strength can come from physical toughness. However, you also need to compliment that with mental resilience.

Genuine strength comes from staying true to yourself and doing the right thing. It’s the ability to stay kind when you’re surrounded by evil.

True strength is standing up to bullies when you feel at your weakest. Moreover, it’s the endurance to take life’s gut punches and having the resolve to get back up.

3. Why People Reward Bullies:

It’s because Bullies suck up to those in power.

Bullies are notorious for kissing the right butts. They do this to win favor and special treatment. On the other hand, those who have integrity won’t kiss booty to get ahead.

They prefer to advance on their own merit. They’re true to themselves and feel they don’t have to lick someone else’s boots to survive and thrive.

Also, they mind their own business and don’t get involved in cliques and social politics.

4. It’s because Bullies Demonize Those with Integrity.

Bullies are best at making those who are good look evil. Moreover, they do it by provoking them into an argument to get a reaction.

They then weaponize the person’s reaction by adding their own spin to it. They take a tiny grain of truth and embellish on it.

Therefore, they distort the person’s reaction and make it look worse than what it is. Make no mistake, bullies are good at distortions.

They’re like magicians in that they create illusions that are believable. They practice sleight of hand with their words. Bullies are the best wordsmiths.

For example, you can make an honest mistake and a bully will twist it to make it look like you did it on purpose. Bullies are experts and making simple mistakes look like sins punishable by death.

5. Why People reward Bullies:

It’s because Those with integrity threaten the status quo.

Again, good people threaten bullies and their supporters. In an environment of evil, they’ll likely the truth. Moreover, they’ll bring to light things that bullies will move heaven and earth to keep hidden.

Just by their down-to-earth personalities, those with integrity can expose the bullshit that goes on. And bullies know it.

Therefore, they decide that it’s better to mob them out before they have a chance to bust them. This bears repeating. Anytime you face a bully, and you never provoked them, it’s usually because you threaten them somehow.

6. It’s because bullies get privileges that others don’t get.

In most cases, bullies have followers and bystanders covering for them when they bully you. You, on the other hand, get no leniency whatsoever.

Therefore, you must make extra efforts to keep your hands clean. Why? Because, unlike the bullies, you can’t afford to break any rules.

You understand that if you even dare to engage in the same behaviors the bullies do, you’d quickly be punished.

In other words, those in power allow bullies to get away with the same things they punish you for. You see it all the time in schools, workplaces, and communities.

For you, there’s no margin for error. You don’t have the benefit of a cheering section. And, if bullies can’t find anything to hold against you , they’ll make something up.

7. Why People Reward Bullies:

It’s because They don’t play by the same rules.

Understand that bullies have a sense of entitlement. Why? Because they’ve been getting away with bad behavior for so long that they demand that others stay silent.

Witnesses are fully aware that if they dare to open their mouth, the bullies will make them their next victims. Therefore, the bullies stay exempt from accountability.

This is how double-standards stand firmly in place. While those in power give bullies a pass for the worst behaviors, they punish you for human errors that anyone could make.

Moreover, they may hold you accountable for slights that bullies falsely accuse you of. Bully privilege is real. And, it’s been around since the beginning of time.

8. It’s because most bullies have social capital.

What is social capital? It’s social networks and relationships among those in a community.

Most bullies have the most social connections and friends in high places. These bullies are usually those whom most others either fear or think well of.

In fact, they can be the “cool kids” at school or the “Good Ol’ Boy” clique at work or in town. These bullies can also be local politicians and businessmen. Or, they can be members of well-known families in a particular area.

Although money helps, they don’t necessarily have to be rich. All they need are the right connections. I’ve knew people who were quite poor and had powerful relationships.

Therefore, money isn’t what gives them power. Their power comes from their connections. When bullies have the right connections, they’re especially dangerous because they can do the most damage.

9. Why People Reward Bullies:

It’s because they know the right people.

These types of bullies actively build a network of social relationships to re-enforce their power. With this kind of power comes protection from consequences.

In many cases, these bullies already have close and well-established ties, which go back several years.

Therefore, these relationships ensure that the bullies are well-protected and above reproach. In other words, they have carte blanche to ride roughshod over anyone they want. And they can do it freely and with impunity.

These bullies understand that they have good name recognition.  And they take advantage of it. Any time a bully has a ton of social capital, others will not risk alienating them. Why? Because they risk losing their own social standing.

These others are called secondary bullies. And chances are that if your bullies come after you, the secondary bullies will only follow their lead. Why? Because they do what’s expected of them.

10. It’s because These Bullies are Popular.

Popular bullies also tend to be well-connected. Again, the most popular and well-connected bullies can do anything they want to anyone.

Therefore, if you get on their bad side, they will use their connections to destroy every aspect of your life. And they’ll never stop coming after you.

Understand that these bullies are very influential, persuasive, and, most of all, convincing. Their names alone carry a lot of weight behind them.

They have trust, mutual understanding, and shared values and behaviors which promote unity. This unity only strengthens their group.

Therefore, when one of these people says something, others, even those outside their circle, will more likely to listen!

11. Why People Reward Bullies:

It’s because they’re the “sacred cows” of the community.

Sacred cows have the most power and influence in the community.  In fact, they have so much of it that others won’t dare to question nor speak against them.

And this goes even if they’re in the wrong. If anyone does speak against them, the gaslighting they suffer will be through the roof!

With sacred cows, people may not necessarily like them. They may even hate them. However, the thing is that they fear them.

So, even haters are careful not to speak against them publicly or within earshot of the wrong people.

With that said, if you’re a victim of sacred cows, they can make your life hell. They can tarnish your name with smear campaigns.

And others will believe the rumors and lies simply because of who they come from. Moreover, sacred cows can also cause you to lose your job and have you blackballed.

Therefore, they can rob you of any opportunity to find other means of employment.

These bullies can destroy your ability to make new friends because others will be too afraid to associate with you. Also, if you own a business, they can discourage potential customers from doing business with you.

In worst cases, they can have someone set fire to your business and burn it to the ground. Moreover, don’t put it past these bullies to trump up false criminal charges against you and set you up to be arrested.

They will also send henchmen to either visit you or meet you on the street somewhere. Therefore, watch for any suspicious characters with threatening body language.

So, what can you do?

Sacred cows can throw you off your game.

 Therefore, if you expect to defend yourself successfully, learn all the facts about bullying. And don’t offer any apologies.

Also, you must stop being so shocked about it. Realize that such injustices exist and they happen all the time.

 Instead of getting blindsided by it, prepare! Why? Because, if you let it shock you, it’ll only throw you off balance and hinder your ability to think properly.

Realize that we live in a fallen world and one that isn’t just. Also, understand that nothing is impossible. Therefore, expect the unexpected!

Only then will you be able to come up with a strategy to protect yourself.

Why People Reward Bullies:

here are a few things you can do to stay safe from these types of bullies.

  • Befriend and align yourself with other targets. Why? Because you aren’t the only one these bullies torment.
  • If you can find former members of the bullies’ group who’ve been ousted for whatever reason, that’s even better! These people would be the ones who have private and sensitive info about each of the bullies and their sycophants. They’ll want a little payback.  Therefore, they’ll be only too happy to give you the juicy details!
  • Establish tight connections with your fellow targets and with the former members whom the bullies double-crossed or booted out of the “social club.”. Band together with them because nothing unites people like the shared anger and hatred toward an enemy.
  • Pal around with or eat out with them. Be sure your bullies see you with these outcasts and with as many of them as possible. This will provide you with a little protection! The more outcasts you connect and bond with, the better!
  • Always have their backs and make sure they have yours! This is very important!
  • Make friends, take jobs, and seize opportunities that are outside the bullies’ element.
  • If all else fails, move to a new area. Tell no one of your plans. Stay quiet about your new job, your new address, and where you’re moving to. Sometimes, it’s just best to vanish!

Do these things, and you’ll be much safer!

This post is all about why people reward bullies to relieve any confusion you may have and to give you a few things you can use to your advantage.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims 

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn 

3. Threatening Body Language: 21 Hostile Cues to Never Ignore 

why bullies are such good liars google

Why Bullies are Such Good Liars: 9 Ways They Deceive

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‘Want to know why bullies are such good liars? Here are all the reasons they make their lies look like the truth and what you can do.

why bullies are such good liars

As any victim of bullying knows, bullies are expert liars. If you’re a target of bullying, have you ever wondered why? Moreover, have you ever wondered how they do it?

In this post, you will learn why bullies are such good liars. Also, you will learn exactly how they successfully deceive others so that you can call it out.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will know the exact ways bullies lie so successfully. Even better, you will be able to recognize it when they do it so that you can peg them on their BS and weaponize it to protect yourself.

This post is all about why bullies are such good liars so that you can have your bullies’ number and use it to bust them.

Why Bullies are Such Good Liars

The reason why bullies are pros at lying is because they rarely tell boldface lies. Instead, they embellish on the truth. They may also take away from the truth.

‘You see? Boldface lies are too easy to find out. Therefore, all bullies need is a tiny grain of truth. Then, they can make their lies more believable.

So, what do bullies do to make their lies so convincing?

1. They use Exaggerate the truth.

They’re the kinds of deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand, perhaps more than anyone else, that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed.  It would only discredit them.

However, if they tell a half-truth, which is a lie that contains even a tiny grain of truth, people will more than likely believe it.

When a bully exaggerates facts, they blow them up and make it bigger than what it is. For example, a bully will provoke you and keep provoking you until you get fed up.

In a low but angry growl, you tell the bully to buzz off. The bully will then tell everyone else about the altercation, making sure to stretch the truth.

The bully will then exaggerate what happened by telling others that you screamed and cursed them out. Also, they’ll make sure to leave out the part where they kept provoking you until you got tired of their crap and told them to buzz off.

2. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They Distort facts.

The bully may even distort the truth. They may do this by saying that you told them to f*** off when they know that you told them to buzz off.

Distortions are also perfect for bullies because, like exaggerations, there’s always a degree of truth to them.

Here’s another example. Your bully supervisor tells you to do a task. You haven’t yet completed the first task and you must finish it in the next thirty minutes to meet the deadline.

You tell the bully boss that you’ll get started on it as soon as you’re finished with the current task. The bully boss goes to management and distorts everything.

He exaggerates your response by telling management that you refused to do the task. Therefore, he tells them that you’re being insubordinate

Moreover, he conveniently leaves out that you told him that you would fulfill his request as soon as you got done with the task at hand. As a result, management reprimands you and gives you a write-up for insubordination, not knowing the whole story.

This is how exaggerations and distortions work.

Therefore, it’s important that you know how to name lies like this. Why? Because, when you can put a name on them, you sound so much better to your listener. You can better communicate what the bullies are doing without rambling.

3. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They take things out of context.

Bullies are experts at taking things out of context. They can twist it and spin it to fit their narrative.

For example, an author writes a tell-all book about the abuse she suffered. One of her former abusers buys it and reads it.

The abuser comes to the part where two more of the author’s abusers die in a tragic accident. The other two happen to be the reader’s friends.

In the book, the author also admits that, when the two abusers died, she didn’t give a damn. And the author sees the deaths as two less monsters she’d have to deal with.

However, she does mention that her feelings about the deaths have changed in the years since the accident.

The reader is outraged at what she reads. So, she takes it out of context. Therefore, she tells the rest of her friends about the book, leaving out the part in the book where the author wrote that she no longer felt glad the two abusers were dead.

Instead, she tells everyone that the author still feels happy the two people are dead. In fact, she makes it sound as if the author celebrates it now.

And she tells them not to read the book because it will only upset them.

However, here’s the real reason she tells others not to read it. It’s because she’s afraid that if they read the book, they’ll figure out her lie.

Therefore, bullies love taking things out of context because, nine times out of ten, it works like a charm!

4. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They Use Confabulations.

Many times, your bullies will blow up on you for absolutely no reason. Later, when others question them about the blow-up, they can’t remember why they lost their temper.

So, your bullies conveniently drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks. But, know the reason behind this. They do it in order to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.

When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane. And the way they feel sane is to insert these made-up stories. I’ve seen this happen many times.

In fact, many of my bullies justified themselves to others by using the same method. Here’s another thing about confabulations.

People can mistake them for real memories. Therefore, when bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves.

So, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to be telling the truth when they justify and rationalize away their abusive actions? When a person believes their own lies, others are more likely to believe them too. It’s a fact.

This is another reason bullies are talented liars.

5. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

Confirmation Bias.

People will believe what they want to believe. And no amount of solid evidence will convince them if they refuse to believe it.

Sadly, the only way confirmation bias has anything to do with truth is when it matches the belief. Therefore, if the truth doesn’t match the person’s beliefs, chances are they’ll only deny it.

Moreover, they’ll and elsewhere for evidence that contradicts it.

Your bullies will do the same when it comes to you. To justify and explain away their cruelty, they’ll find proof that supports their opinions of you.

For instance, bullies abuse you and they get caught. Later they have to stand tall before a member of authority to answer for their abuse.

Searching for information that fits

So, the bullies tell the person in authority that there’s a good reason why they beat you up. They make up some cockamamie excuse for their brutality.

In other words, they find ways to blame you. They may say that you instigated the fight by starting a rumor that could cost them their reputations. And they just had to teach you a lesson.

This is what confirmation bias is- it’s the tendency to recall, interpret, and favor information in a way that confirms a pre-existing belief.

Think about it. The media does this all the time. A witness may pull out their phone and film something terrible that is happening right before their eyes. They then send it to a news station to be broadcasted.

When the news media gets a hold of the film, they will edit out anything that doesn’t fit their beliefs. And they’ll only show the bits and pieces of the film that best fits the story they wish to put out.

If they get an audio recording, they will also edit it and create soundbites, only broadcasting fragments of the recording that best fits the story they want to tell the public.

It’s all the same.

6. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They use Charm

We all know that bullies are cowards who hide behind a facade of charm and charisma. But what makes that facade?

What are the exact ingredients that make up the bully’s fake charm?

Understand that bullies are like peacocks. They like to strut around and fan out their tails, showing you their prettiest colors.

They do this to collect admirers, followers, and allies. That’s exactly what the bully’s fake charm means to do, draw others to them.

Also, this is how bullies dupe everyone into thinking that they’re perfect and can’t be touched. Only you know what’s behind the facades. Victims are always aware of the real people behind the masks bullies don.

7. They build carefully crafted images.

Impeccable Attire.

Most seasoned and well-practiced bullies dress in the best and latest fashions. These people love to be pleasing to the eyes. Why? Because they understand that most people are materialistic and beauty-obsessed, and everything is based on appearances.

So, they wear the fanciest clothes, the trendiest hairstyles, the best makeup, etc.

They show these things off to give the appearance that they’re rolling in money. Also, they want to give the impression that their life is perfect to impress others. Most of all, bullies also do it to one-up others!

And here’s something else! Many of my bullies didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out. Not that being poor makes a person bad, but!

Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

Many bullies go broke just to keep up appearances.

Most bullies will go flat broke buying fancy clothes and sporty cars to pimp around town in. And they’ll do it just to keep up a fake persona.

However, they’ll be up to their eyeballs in debt. Many of them have a hard time paying their bills. They’re the types who will run to mommy and daddy for bailouts and handouts.

And it’s all because they spend a fortune on clothes, hairstyles, manicures, pedicures, facials, cosmetic surgeries, you name it!

As a result, many workplace bullies who commit crimes such as theft, embezzlement, and forgery. Why? Because they live way beyond their means and got their butts in a crack they can’t get out of.

And they eventually get caught!

8. They put on a good show.

Seasoned bullies are also the best showmen. They put on an act to gain admiration, support, or sympathy. They make grand gestures.

They’re good at reading everyone else and finding out their likes and dislikes and how they react to certain stimuli. They make themselves aware of the people and moods around them, then adapt to them.

You’ll often find these bullies standing in the very center of the rooms they’re in. Moreover, they’re the types who despise being outshone, outsmarted, or outdone.

9. Why Bullies are Such Good Liars:

They’re master wordsmiths.

They use clichés, euphemisms, and loaded words to impress others with their speech. Moreover, they use big words to prove how smart they are when, in reality, they’re as incompetent as they come.

They also tell others what they want to hear. This is why they’re such convincing liars and why they’re so good at making you look like the bad guy.

But here’s something else you need to know.

Although seasoned bullies are very popular among people, they’re also hated and feared by rivals and enemies. And they do eventually get brought down. I’ve seen it happen many times.

Julius Caesar was one such example.

“Caesar had his Brutus and Charles I, his Cromwell…” – Patrick Henry.

In Closing

Bullies are fake. Period. Full stop! And, they have been for so long that they’ve become experts at fooling people. In fact, it’s how they gain power.

And it’s how they’re able to pass themselves off as fake friends to unsuspecting victims.

It’s also why they get away with much of their bullying.

Therefore, learn all the tools they use and you’ll be onto them. I promise you!

This post is all about why bullies are such good liars so that you can know how they do it and see behind the fake masks they wear.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How Bullies Gain Power: 9 Astonishing Ways They Do It.

2. Why do Bullies Get Away with Bullying? 15 Must-Know Answers 

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

Why You Should Love Yourself: 10 Things that Happen if You Don’t

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‘Want to know why you should love yourself? Here are all the reasons you need to know about.

why you should love yourself

Self-love is the best love!

If you don’t love yourself, who will? And how can you love anyone else if you don’t first love yourself?

In this post, you will learn why you should love yourself and what can happen to you if you don’t.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be more compelled to show yourself some love and go after the life you want. Moreover, you will be encouraged to stand up to bullies or anyone who tries to tear you down.

This post is all about why you should love yourself so that you can get more of what you know you deserve.

Why You Should Love Yourself

When you don’t love yourself, others can tell. They can see it in your demeanor, your face, and your posture. In other words, how you feel about yourself has ways of coming out in your body language.

Also, others can hear it in your tone of voice and the way you talk. Why do you think you attract users and abusers who only want to hurt you?

Why do you think you end up with people who mistreat and control you? And why do you think bullies are constantly on your trail?

Low self-esteem and lack of confidence come from an inability to love yourself.

Here’s are 10 things that happen if you don’t love yourself:

1. If you don’t love yourself, You’ll never Be able to properly love anyone else.

You will be codependent. In other words, you’ll always search to get love from another source. Moreover, you’ll depend on sources outside yourself, instead of letting love come from within.

When you finally find someone who does love you, you won’t love them the way they need to be loved. Instead, you’ll only smother your partner to death.

Why? Because you’ll always have to be right there under the person’s nose.

Also, you’ll be suspicious. You’ll wonder if your partner’s going to leave you or wondering if they’re cheating.

You’ll wonder if your friends really like you or if they’re only pretending to. In other words, you’ll end up making a new partner or friend pay for something someone else did in the past.

That’s not fair. A new partner shouldn’t have to pay for someone else’s sins. And that’s what you’re forcing them to do.

Also, being in constant worry and suspicion is no way for you to live!

2. Why You Should Love Yourself:

You’ll rely too much on others to make you feel loved and wanted.

When you need someone else more than they need you, you only give away your power. Never let anyone else decide your worth.

Because, when you do, you only make yourself their slave.

3. You’ll be afraid of being alone.

You will always believe that to be happy, you must always be one half of a couple. But understand that if you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship either.

Why? Because you’ll be insecure even with a mate. A relationship isn’t the end all be all. Stop depending on one to complete you. Learn to be happy by yourself.

4. You’ll move too quickly into a relationship.

Once you are in a relationship, you’ll love your partner more than they deserve. Therefore, you won’t give they time to earn that love.

Also, you’re likely to scare the other person away. Why? Because moving too quickly in a relationship is a red flag.

It signals insecurity and desperation. You must realize that love needs time to grow.

5. Why You Should Love Yourself:

You’ll give away your power.

When you give away your power, you automatically put yourself at the mercy of someone else. And believe me. They take full advantage.

Here’s what will happen. You’ll put your own needs on the back burner and always put your partner before yourself. You’ll end up doing all the giving in the relationship.

In fact, you’ll jump through hoops for your partner’s love. You’ll even do things you really don’t want to do just to satisfy the other person.

You’ll stop making your own decisions and allow someone else to choose for you. And you’ll also agree to every single thing they say.

When you do this, you leave nothing for yourself. After a while, the feeling of unfairness will slowly build.

Soon, you will become resentful after so long of not getting anything in return. Therefore, never give another person that kind of power! You must have your own mind and be your own person.

You can never control how another person acts nor how they feel about you.

What happens when your partner gets tired of you and decides they no longer want to be with you? It will devastate you.

It’s only natural that the end of any friendship or relationship is painful. But it should never be crushing. In other words, it shouldn’t feel like the end of the world.

6. If you Don’t Love Yourself, You’ll be on an endless search for love and friendship.

You’ll spend your whole life searching for love. That in itself is not only off-putting to others, but it’s also exhausting to you.

You’ll waste your time, hopping from relationship to relationship. One partner will get bored with you and leave for someone who challenges them.

Then, you’ll search for someone else to take their place. The cycle will only continue to repeat itself. Before long, you’ll have a string of broken relationships behind you. Not good!

7. Why You Should Love Yourself:

If you Don’t, You’ll settle for just anyone.

As a result, you’ll get even less than what you settled for. No one should settle. Ever!

If the person isn’t the person you want or is less than what you thought they were, you won’t be satisfied. You’ll be much happier if you move on to something you really want.

Always be selective of the friends and partners you choose and of the company you keep.

8. You’ll attract takers instead of givers.

Predatory people have a keen eye for those who are desperate to be loved and accepted. In fact, those of the kinds of people they search for!

Why? Because they’re so easy to manipulate!

If you fall into this category, they’ll sniff you from a mile away. These people will be more than happy to befriend or date you just to get what they want from you.

And once they’ve bled you dry of any resources and dignity, they’ll only drop you and move on to the next poor sucker. When you stop being afraid of being alone, you magically begin to repel predators and attract better people.

9. Why You Should Love Yourself:

If you Don’t, You’ll repel the people who would otherwise love and accept you.

If by chance you happen to find someone who truly loves you, you won’t be able to relax and enjoy it. You’ll be so scared of losing the person that you’ll be too clingy.

And you’ll likely run them off because of your incessant neediness.

Understand that when you do this, you automatically make them responsible for your happiness. Again, that’s not fair.

Being held responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy load for anyone to carry! You’ll only zap the other person’s energy as you expect them to fill a void that can’t be filled by anyone but you and God.

Therefore, you must realize that only you are responsible for your happiness. No one else!

10. You’ll stay in toxic relationships and put up with shabby treatment just to keep from being alone.

You’ll likely end of with an abuser who’ll physically or mentally abuse you. Love and friendship should never be painful.

You may also end up with someone who’s too lazy to work. And they’ll expect you to keep their worthless ass up. In fact, you’ll be doing all the work in the relationship.

No one has to work that hard to keep any relationship. And if you do, it’s a sign that you need to show somebody out the door. Fast!

The last thing you want is to be tied down to some broke chump who treats you like crap. You don’t need some asshole who won’t get off their dead ass and work to help pay the bills.

I’ve seen this happen to so many people I’ve known in the past.

Understand that being alone is a part of loving yourself. It’s not the worst thing that can happen to you. In fact, it’s healthy because you get to know yourself during times of solitude.

But when you’re afraid of being by yourself, you’re likely to give others control of your life. And, again, you put yourself at their mercy! So, STOP THAT!

Don’t cheat yourself by settling for anything less than what you deserve! And never put your happiness in someone else’s hands! Ever!

Learning to love yourself is the best thing you can ever do. Once you do, you’ll be surprised at how much your life will improve!

This post is all about why you should love yourself and what happens when you don’t so that you’ll avoid being someone else’s emotional slave and treat yourself better.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Learning to Love Yourself: 11 Reasons Self-Love is Most Important

2. Benefits of Self-Love: 13 Reasons to Love Yourself No Matter What

3. How to Regain Your Power: 9 Ways to Empower Yourself

Male vs Female Bullying

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‘Want to know the differences in male vs female bullying? Here are all the contrasts you need to know about.

male vs female bullying

Males and females bully differently. Moreover, there are differences between bullied males and females.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the differences of male vs female bullying so that you’ll better understand ways that members of each sex bully. You will also learn the difference between male and female victims.

Once you learn all about these distinctions, you will know how to protect yourself from both male and female bullies.

This post is all about the distinctions of male vs female bullying so that you’ll recognize these differences and know how to defend yourself in every bullying situation.

Male vs Female Bullying

female bullies

Female bullies can be the most vicious. Why? Because they seem to be better at going undetected than male bullies.

Granted, there are always exceptions to this rule. However, for the most part, this is true. Male bullies lean more toward outward physical bullying. Females, on the other hand, lean more toward psychological and social or relational bullying.

In other words, females are mostly passive-aggressive with their bullying. However, there is a moral decline in today’s young girls and women. Therefore, physical assaults perpetrated by females are increasing at an alarming rate.

Females bully by Dividing and Conquering. They try to ruin their victims’ relationships.

Girls and women also use smear campaigns. They spread gossip and rumors. Moreover, they go on witch hunts.

But, make  no mistake! These tactics are all designed to turn everyone against their victims. Their goal is to isolate their victim.

Female bullies also use projection. Put another way, they project all their shortcomings onto the their victims.

Bullies do have flaws and their greatest fear is having them exposed. Therefore, projection is one of the best ways to keep their own imperfections hidden.

These bullies will also use distraction. How do they do this? By distracting others’ attention away from their own behavior and pointing out the negative qualities in their targets.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Psychological v/s Physical Bullying

Girls and some boys, use psychological warfare. Psychological bullying includes exclusion, dirty looks, taunts, insults, rumors and lies. Moreover, destroying friendships and relationships also counts as psychological bullying.

Also, it can include thievery, invasion of the victim’s privacy and destruction of their property.

If this does not work, females may resort to violence but not as often as male bullies. If girl bullies want to cause bodily harm to their target, they’ll send someone else to do their violence for them.

Female bullies may send a male friend to beat up their victim. Or, they may send a bigger and tougher female friend. The minions will then catch the target alone and physically assault them.

Now, you may wonder how they get these minions to comply. Here’s how.

Bullies get their flying monkey’s to comply by offering incentives. For instance, girls may offer illicit sex to a male friend to get them to do what they want.

On the other hand, they may offer a tougher female friend inclusion into their particular clique. With that, they give them the chance to climb up the social ladder.

They may also offer money.

By instinct, females are nurturers. Nature has hardwired girls and women toward maintaining relationships whether they be familial, friendships, or romantic.

Many young girls plan to eventually get married and have families of their own.

Therefore, female bullies will sabotage their victim’s relationships. Most girls and women, from the time they are small, dream of one day finding a mate and having children.

Why? Because they have an instinct to nurture. They are more likely to be the caretakers of the family and home.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Covert vs Overt Bullying

Therefore, female bullies are notorious for calling their targets names that attack the feminine virtues.  They call their female victims names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘tramp’, ‘floosy’ and skank.

Moreover, anytime a young lady is called one of these names, there is an even deeper meaning behind it. Here’s the hidden meaning.

If you are a female victim of these vicious bitches, they call you these names to imply that you aren’t marriageable. In other words, you aren’t worthy of a mate or children. And you are not considered to be a woman.

A female bully wants to brainwash you. This is the reason her attacks are so vicious and repetitive. She wants to convince you that you are worthless.

And she will stop at nothing to make you believe it!

Additionally, she knows that if she can make you believe the lies, there is a strong chance that you will live up to them. We are what we believe.

Therefore, she will try to drum it into your head. And if she does, she will succeed in breaking your spirit. Then, you’ll likely prove her right.

Females aren’t always the weaker sex.

Again, get this straight. Female bullies want you to live up to the names they call you. In other words, if they call you a whore, they want you to be one.

So don’t live up to it! Show her up! However, she will not give up so easily.

Girls tend to hang on to their hatred to the point of obsession. The bullying becomes a ritual. And when you stand up to a bullying woman, don’t expect things to get better.

Male vs Female Bullying:

Male bullies

Nature has hardwired most males to be hunters and gatherers. Therefore, guys tend to be more physical. And why not?

During prehistoric times, males had to hunt and bring food home to feed their families. Often, they had to fight off wild animals and human males of other groups in order to survive.

Although there are exceptions, males are more likely to use physical aggression. Therefore, most young men are expected to be strong and tough – to display manhood.

If a victim of bullying is another male, the boy bully will likely use his fists. Moreover, he’ll try to feminize the other boy by repetitively emasculating him.

Emasculation of Male Targets

Male bullies often bully other males. They call their victims names like, “sissy”, “pussy”, “bitch” and other names which attack the male pride. Their goal is to cause them to feel less like men. Therefore, they’ll try to strip the victim of his manhood.

And if the male target speaks out against the treatment, the male bully will trivialize it by referring to the target as a “whiner” and tell him to “man up.”

Other males may see the victim as going against “man-code” if he dares to report the bullying.

And male bullies who are physically violent usually beat up on males and females. However, there are a few cowards who’ll never stand up against another guy. They only beat up on girls.

I knew a few of those types of boys in school.

Male vs Female Bullying:

The Difference between Bullied Boys and Bullied Girls

I’m female and have discussed bullying mainly from a female perspective. However, I would like to help you distinguish between the plights of bullied girls and bullied boys.

What usually happens to female victims?

After her peers have bullied her for so long, she feels alone in the world. Also, when she reports the bullying, others usually rebuff her.

It’s bad enough when school staff ignore her pleas, but when members of her own family refuse to listen to her, it’s twice as painful. Once this happens, she begins to feel that no one cares about her.

What Bullied Girls Experience

Bullies shame female victims for their looks, femininity, and virtues. They call them names that attack them as women.

People will use their weight and their appearance as a weapon to cause harm. Even sadder is the reality that if their self-esteem is low enough, some live up to the names bullies call them.

Consequently, some bullied girls turn to sexual and dating partners to get the love and approval they’re missing out on. This usually doesn’t end well.

Male vs Female Bullying:

What Bullied Boys Experience

Bullied boys have it much worse. Many don’t have partners to fall back on because girls expect them to be tough. When a boy is bullied, he isn’t seen as macho. Instead, others see him as a wimp.

Also, people consider it “un-macho” for a boy to report being bullied. Others may tell him to “suck it up.” Why? Because it goes against the male code of conduct.

This can also erode male self-esteem.

Male Targets Have the Highest Rates of Suicide

Once bullies have stripped a young man of his manhood, it becomes next to impossible for him to get a date and find love. Although the suicide rate among females has skyrocketed, It remains to be much higher in males.

Therefore, no matter what, we must encourage bullied males to speak out and report bullying. We must also encourage them to seek therapy.

Males must also have older males in their lives to remind them of their worth as men. These older men must also re-enforce those positive messages.

We must also encourage females to speak out and get help, as well. Moreover, they must also have older female role models who lift them up.

These role models must instill in them that they are beautiful even if others try to bully them and tear them down. In short, they must teach them to know their worth!

And finally, they must see themselves as targets, not victims.

This post was all about male vs female bullying so that you know the differences in the ways they bully. 

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

2. Catty Women: 5 Powerful Ways to Deal with Their Bullying

3. Know Your Worth As a Woman: 5 Rules to Live by

How to Develop Charisma: A Powerful Weapon Against Bullies

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‘Want to know how to develop charisma so that you can use it as a weapon against bullies? Here are all the tips you need to know about.

how to develop charisma

Some people seem to be born with charisma and come by it naturally. But sadly, others must learn it.

Moreover, learning charisma may not totally eliminate your chances of falling victim to bullies. However, it can lessen your chances of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to develop charisma so that you can reduce the likelihood that you’ll continue to be bullied. Also, you can use it as a powerful weapon against your bullies.

Once you learn all about these important tips, you’ll be able to not only protect yourself from bullying, but make new friends so much easier.

This post is all about how to develop charisma so that you can make friends and allies easier and ward off bullies.

How to Develop Charisma

It’s true that your reputation can be your most valuable asset. How people talk about you when you’re gone can be the difference between your ability to make friends or not. It’s the sum total of the impression you make.

And first impressions are everything. They set the stage for your future in many areas. With charisma, you’re more successful and you have more positive relationships with others.

Also, you make more money and get faster promotions. Charismatic salespeople score more sales, and win more negotiations and debates.

In other words, charisma allows you to have more influence over the people you meet. And you’re much  more persuasive. Now, who doesn’t love that.

What is charisma?

Charisma is that alluring, magnetic quality that draws people in like bees to honey. Anther word for it is je ne sais quoi.

When you have charisma, you live in the moment with people. You’re focused on them and interested in them. In short, you like them more. And people have a natural desire to be liked.

With charisma, you don’t care whether they like you but you want to like them.

You can have all the good looks, all the fancy clothes, cars, and money. However, all that is nothing if you don’t have charisma. Why? Because charisma is something that’s much more powerful.

How to Develop Charisma:

Some people are born with it.

It’s true that some are just born with charisma. They have that coveted quality that goes way beyond having a pretty face or and banging body. In other words, these people have the ability to create rapport that mesmerizes people and makes them feel special.

They have that super-power that makes others respond to them positively and instinctively.

Years ago, when I was being bullied so horrifically, I would notice the people that seemed to get everyone to like them with little to no effort. Moreover, I despised these people because they had something that I wanted so badly.

I hate to say it. But, I’d give them a hard time out of pure jealousy. Also, when I asked a few family members how I could learn to be as magnetic as them, here’s what they’d tell me.

“You might as well give that up. You either have the ability to schmooze successfully, or you don’t.”

“You’re either born with charisma or you were just tough out of luck! You just have make-do without it!”

“‘Sorry, hun. That is something that can’t be taught! It’s something you’re born with. So, you just have to get along the best you can.”

You can imagine just how pissed off I was at God! In fact, I stopped talking to him for quite a few years.

How to Develop Charisma:

Thankfully You can learn it.

Thankfully, we now know that charisma and the ability to schmooze successfully can be taught, learned, and harnessed.

Charisma is an art, a craft, and you must perfect it. And you perfect it by practicing the charisma-skills you’ve learned on your family and closest friends. Then, you can work your way outward to the people you meet each day.

To learn it, you must read and study the art. Moreover, you must be able to identify the behaviors charismatic people use. Here are the characteristics of charismatic people.

  • Charismatic people enjoy giving others a positive experience.
  • Charismatic people understand how to make people feel great about themselves. So, they make them feel special and important.

The benefits of being charismatic

  • People listen to you.
  • Others give you extra chances.
  • You get opportunities others don’t.
  • Others will more likely forgive you for things they’d crucify others for. Bullies are very charismatic. However, their charisma is fake.
  • You get filled in on secrets others don’t
  • People make excuses for you, and give you the benefit of a doubt.
  • Others go out of their way for you. In fact, many people will bend over backwards for you.
  • You sweep people off their feet- especially potential partners.

How to Develop charisma:

Here’s what charismatic people do.

Those who are charismatic have certain behaviors that draw people to them. Here they are.

  • They seem to like you…a lot!
  • Those who are charismatic seem to value your opinions and beliefs
  • People with charisma seem to give you all their attention and no one else. They have a way of making it feel like it’s only the two of you in a room even if the room is crowded.
  • They make it seem as if you’re the most important person in the room
  • Those with charisma make you feel like a million bucks.
  • They make you feel great about yourself.

Understand that this kind of power is unlimited. So, nurture it, cultivate it, and exploit it! If you want to make your bullies look like the devils they are, you must first learn it!

Therefore, learn it and practice it every day. If you do this long enough, it will some come like second nature. Then, you can give your bullies a proverbial slap in the face by reaching unimaginable heights.

I can’t stress this enough! Do everything you can to develop your charisma. It can be one of the best offenses against bullies!

If you can create that awesome feeling in others anywhere and at any time, you have a gift that’s priceless! And the social rewards are limitless! With charisma, you have the keys to the kingdom!

In fact, you have that je ne sais quoi that most people covet!

How to Develop Charisma:

What is Je Ne Sais Quoi?

What is that coveted je ne sais quoi? Je Ne Sais Quoi is French, and it means, “I don’t know what.”

The term is used to describe a special but indescribable characteristic that someone has. This characteristic is hard to name. Therefore, it’s that unnameable characteristic that attracts people, especially suitors, and puts them under your spell.

When someone has a certain je ne sais quoi, people will usually say things like, “There’s just something about them.”

For example, someone who falls in love will often use that phrase when others can’t understand what they see in the love-interest.

Again, some people were born with this mysterious allure and come by it naturally. These lucky people seem to attract people easily and effortlessly.

Others, like many bullying victims, were not blessed with it. Therefore, they have great difficulty making friends. Shy individuals and those on the autism spectrum tend to have the most difficulty in this arena.

Je Ne Sais Quoi is charisma! But, it’s more than that!

You may be a victim of bullying who has difficulty making friends or finding love. However, all is not lost!

The secret to getting that je ne sais quoi is to understand exactly what it is. And, again, you can learn it! And, once you learn it, you can use it to your advantage.

So, what is it exactly?

Simple. It’s charisma. It’s also social intelligence. JNSQ is a combination of confidence, charm, and charisma. I call it, The Three Attractive C’s.

Therefore, the most precious thing in the universe isn’t money. It isn’t gold or silver. It’s these three traits because they set you on a path of success in every aspect of your life.

How to Develop Charisma:

you must have good self-esteem.

However, to have the three C’s, you must first have healthy self-esteem.

Sadly, many targets of bullying don’t realize this. They want these traits so badly but don’t have the self-esteem to back them up.

As a result, they live a lonely and unsuccessful life. Moreover, they secretly resent those who have it as they sit on the sidelines and watch them have a blessed life.

And, they may resent God for not blessing them with it, which only makes things worse.

Here are a few things you can do to raise your self-esteem and with it, your charisma.

1. Smile!

And by smile, I mean do it authentically. A real, genuine smile is one complete with the crinkles around the outer corners of the eyes.

If there are no crinkles around the eyes, the smile is fake. Realize that you must display confident body language or it’s all for naught!

2. When you’re talking to a person, say their name.

According to Dale Carnegie’s book, entitled, “How to Make Friends and Influence People,” a person’s name is music to their ears. Therefore, saying their name when you speak to them just makes them feel that having a conversation with you is all the better.

3. How to Develop Charisma:

Engage in small talk.

Never talk about anything deep. Great small talk conversations discuss topics such as the weather, sports, movies, music, and current events (just don’t go to deep on the current events).

4. Realize that it’s not about you.

One thing I want you to know right now. People care more about themselves and their lives than they do about you.

It’s just the reality of human nature. Therefore, become interested in other people and their lives. People always love someone who’s interested in them.

Start with doing the above practices and don’t be afraid to learn new tricks. Realize that you will probably need to fake it, at first. So, fake it until you make it!

It’s what I had to do. However, I discovered that when you act confident, you will soon feel confident. And when you feel confident, the fake becomes real.

Practice these things and you will soon be able to raise your charisma level and draw people to you. And once you do that, you’ll be able to schmooze like a pro!

But more importantly, you’ll feel confident as hell!

This post is all about how to develop Charisma so that you can keep away bullies. Also, so you can feel confident and in control.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Confident Body Language: 11 Ways to Look Confident

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3. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

4. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

Bullying on Reality TV: Why It Teaches People to Bully

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‘Want to know about bullying on reality TV and how it encourages people to bully? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bullying on reality tv

There’s a lot of bullying on many reality shows. Moreover, people, especially young women and girls, watch it and think that this type of thing is okay.

Why? Because many of the stars of reality TV are famous. And many, especially the young will follow these reality stars. In extreme cases, some may even try to imitate them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about bullying on reality TV and how it can influence people to act the same way as the celebrities that grace these programs.

Once you learn all about this important message, you will better understand that, although these are influencers, bullying still isn’t okay.

Moreover, if you suffer bullying, you’ll realize that even celebrities get bullied too and that it doesn’t reflect badly on you but only on your bullies.

This post is all about bullying on reality TV and why it teaches people to bully so that you can realize the damage it can do. Moreover, it will further drive the point that bullying isn’t okay, even when influencers do it.

Bullying on Reality TV

Bullying on reality TV shows as all too common. When people watch these episodes, especially if they’re children and teenagers, many will think that if celebrities do it, it’s okay for them to do it too.

Therefore, I feel compelled to discuss what a poor example these programs set for our young people. Also, parents who permit their children to watch them must be aware of the subliminal messages their children may be receiving.

Bullying gives these shows high ratings.

Sadly, reality series’ that receive the highest ratings also have the highest incidences of bullying. Bullies love drama. In fact, they’re drawn to it like flies to feces!

Bullying brings drama…always! Therefore, the more altercations and confrontations a reality show displays for viewers, the more drama it brings.

And, more drama means the series is more interesting to viewers. The more interesting the show, the more views the program gets, and the higher the ratings the show receives.

Bullying on Reality TV:

Reality stars who bring the most drama receive the highest pay.

The more drama a certain reality star brings to a series, the higher the show’s ratings rise. And how does the celebrity bring the drama? They usually do it by bullying others on the show.

Therefore, the more bullying the audience sees, the higher viewers rate the show. And in return, the higher the producers and network executives rate the bullying celeb.

All because they bring the most excitement. As a result, this guarantees the celebrity a spot on the show’s next season. Also, it promises them a much higher paycheck.

Producers and execs offer the bullying star hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars to keep bringing the excitement. And sadly, many think that seeing someone else get slammed is exciting.

And this goes whether the bullying is happening on TV, on the streets, or online. For example, years ago, when I was in school, a few other people would suffer bullying.

Moreover, every time a blowup would occur, I noticed that most of the other students would gleefully come running. And they would almost trip over themselves trying to get a front seat view of the melee.

I’ll never forget the looks of excitement on their faces when someone would scream, “Fight! Fight!” And everyone would gather around just to see someone get ripped apart!

Bullying on Reality TV:

Crap is king and most people love seeing someone get punked out. AS long as it isn’t them.

It’s the same with viewers that watch reality shows. They watch the excitement of celebrities bullying other celebrities on the show. Then, most of them go off to school or work and try the same behavior on some poor victim they know.

Why? Because they watch bullies on the show reaping the rewards from the trouble they stir up. Therefore, this only encourages despicable behavior!

For example, think of reality stars, like Teresa Guidice of “Real Housewives of New Jersey.” Nene Leakes of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” is another example.

Both of these women are in their 50’s and 60’s. Moreover, in my opinion, they’ve shown some of the most queen bee, mean girl behavior of anyone on television.

Should they even qualify as celebrities?

I don’t know about anyone else. However, in my opinion, watching women in this age group display such girl’s locker room antics is sickening. Also, it’s an embarrassment to my generation of women.

This behavior is unbecoming of women of any age. But it looks downright ugly coming from those in my age-group. You’d think they’d want to be a better example to younger females.

Therefore, parents need to sit down with children and explain that just because they see bullying on TV doesn’t mean it’s okay.

It’s one thing when bullying occurs on movies like The Karate Kid, or any fiction show. Why? Because you know that it isn’t real.

Moreover, with The Karate Kid, there’s a moral behind the story. And the moral is this. If you’re a victim of bullying like Daniel La-Russo, you must stand up to bullies like Johnny Lawrence and the Cobra Kai if you want them to leave you alone.

Therefore, shows like this get a pass.

Bullying On Reality TV:

Most reality shows glamorize bullying.

And we need to let our young know that just because reality shows make bullying look glamorous does not mean that bullying is okay. In fact, bullying is anything but glamorous, especially to victims.

Sadly, producers prioritize high ratings over the examples they set. And it speaks volumes about the society we live in today.

What it says is that the bulk of society apparently has an insatiable appetite for trash. It is glaring proof that in the eyes of a vast majority, garbage is king.

Therefore, should it be any wonder that bullying and peer abuse is so rampant today?

Your opinion may differ. However, there are many perspectives that say that parents and grandparents must forbid kids to watch these types of reality shows. And, if they do allow them to watch it, they must have a talk the children.

They must explain to them that, just because certain behavior is shown on television does not mean it is acceptable in real life.

To Glorify Bullying is to Glorify Bullies.

Reality TV only rewards bullies. Viewers, especially young ones, view this and think that if they bully, they’ll reap rewards from it too.

It also prioritizes poor values. It sends the message that being famous and popular is what life’s all about. And it’s not.

Moreover, it places to much value on being the toughest kid on the block. And there’s more to life than those things.

Bullying on Reality TV:

Reality Television and the present epidemic of bullying:

One of the reasons that bullying has become so out of control in our schools is the overabundance of it in reality television. Again, it only glorifies the abuse of others.

I don’t know if networks have cancelled these programs now. However, those like “Bad Girls Club” and “Jersey Shore” are the absolute worst.

Moreover, The Real Housewives franchise features adults in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s acting like middle-schoolers in a locker room brawl. You’d think grown people would have a modicum of maturity.

But, nope! They often resort to name-calling, bashing others, and yes! Even hair-pulling, shoving, punching, and kicking!

What kind of examples are they setting to our children and teens?

When you watch these kinds of behavior coming from adult influencers, you can’t help but ask. “What kind of example and message are these series’ and their stars sending our children and teenagers?”

Yes. Violence has been featured on TV and in movies for decades. However, before reality television were heard of, TV was not real. Moreover, kids of my generation understood because our parents never let us forget it.

We knew that what we were seeing was only actors playing the parts of fictional characters. Moreover, our parents and grandparents taught us not to try anything we saw on TV. Why? Because they knew we would risk of getting hurt or killed.

Therefore, those my age grew up with the understanding that it was only a television series or a movie, and that none of it was real.

Bullying on Reality TV:

Television networks have run out of ideas. Reality shows are replacing traditional TV

Sadly, television networks have slowly run out of ideas for fictional TV. As a result, reality TV has gradually taken over the airwaves.

TV is becoming less fictional and less interesting. Moreover, it’s sending the wrong message to kids. And that message is that bullying is okay and that you have to be a bully to get ahead.

That to move up in the world, you have to step over another person!

However, what most don’t realize is that many reality stars are has-beens with oversized egos. They’re old, washed-up celebrities who are just dying to stay relevant. They’re trying get that last shot at fame! As a result, they’ve only made themselves lousy role models!

In closing

Most reality shows set a bad example for influential children and teens. And they do it by sending the message that bullying is okay, even rewarding. It isn’t.

What bullying is, is sick and twisted. What it is, is abuse.

This post was all about bullying on reality TV so that you can know that it’s still wrong regardless of who does it or how famous they are.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims 

3. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Notable Tactics Gaslighters Use

bullying myths and facts

Bullying Myths: 5 Widely-Held Beliefs about Bullies and Victims

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‘Want to know all the widely-held bullying myths that you need to bust right now? Here are all the wrong beliefs you need to know about.

bullying myths

People often mistake myths for facts and obscure people’s judgment. Myths can also blind you to bullying behavior, even when it’s happening right in front of your face. In fact, they can even make it hard for you to know when someone is abusing you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about all the bullying myths that are floating around and the facts that debunk them.

Once you learn all about these falsehoods, you will be able to see bullying exactly for what it is. Moreover, you will learn the facts about bullying rather than be misled by a bunch of myths.

This post is all about bullying myths so that you can better discern bullying facts from fiction.

Bullying Myths

There are many myths floating around about bullies and victims. And they’re wrong. Therefore, you must bust those myths if you’re a victim of bullying and you expect to get a fair shake.

Here are all the myths.

1. Victims are weak losers who deserve bullying.

Despite all the available information about bullying, there are people who still believe that you’re weak if you suffer at the hands of bullies. Moreover, they also believe that you’re a loser.

However, know this! You are not weak, nor are you a loser. In the past twenty years or so, we have found that bullies don’t only target people who are physically impaired in some way.

Moreover, they don’t only victimize those with mental handicaps or those who have difficulty in social situations. In fact, bullies target mostly those who are good people with hearts of gold.

Anyone who is multi-talented can fall victim of bullying.  Star achievers and performers often suffer bullying because they’re exceptional.

However, understand that bullies perceive these people to be threats to their power.

When high-achieving targets outshine bullies, especially those with narcissism, they unwittingly provoke jealousy. Therefore, bullies will pull out all the stops to make them pay.

If nothing else, understand this! Bullies hate to be beaten at anything!

Nobody deserves bullying. Ever! Bullying is harmful and can destroy someone’s life. You must realize that bullies are evil people who are predatory by nature. So, learn to see them for who they are.

2. Bullying Myths:

Bullies are brave, strong, cool, exciting, and in control.

Ha! Bullies are the opposite of these things. Let me break it down for you.

Bullies are brave.

Nope! Bullies are great, big cowards! They’re only good at hiding it. Bullies live by the motto that strength comes in numbers. Therefore, they run around in packs.

They hide their cowardice behind groups of flying monkeys. You will never catch a bully alone because a bully doesn’t know how to stand alone.

The bullies’ followers are there to back them up and do their dirty work. Realize that bullies get their power from an entourage.

Without their wing-men to cover them, they would be powerless.

Bullies are strong.

‘Taint so! Bullies are weak. They only hide it behind aggression, loudness, and false bravado. Moreover, bullies will instill unnecessary fear in you if you allow it.

‘You see? Bullies are notorious bluffs and blowhards. The tough act they put on is a way they hide their weakness.

And your fear is where they draw their power. Therefore, don’t be afraid of these windbags! Stand up to them and do it confidently.

Then, they’ll likely leave you alone and go find someone else to mess with.

Bullying Myths:

Bullies are cool.

Au contraire! Bullies are pathetic. They bluff, they posture, and they’re notorious one-uppers.

Moreover, they always have to be king of the hill and better than anyone else. All of this is a sign of insecurity and self-loathing.

Why? Because if they were secure in themselves, they wouldn’t resort to this type of buffoonery. People who are happy, confident and secure with themselves have nothing to prove.

Therefore, they don’t go around trying to intimidate others to get their point across.

 Bullies are exciting.

They may seem exciting at first, but they get boring pretty quick. Why? Because bullies are notorious for talking incessantly about themselves.

In other words, they brag and showboat until you want to chew off your arm just to get away from them. And they won’t be so exciting when they turn on you.

 Bullies are in control.

Really? Is that what you want to call it? Um…not!

Bullies can’t control their own pathetic lives. So, they seek to control you in order to feel powerful.

And in doing that, they create enemies who hate them with a passion. Bullies may control their victims to a certain degree. And they may put the fear of God in them.

However, they’ll never control what those victims think of them. Because the mind and thoughts are free.

And if they run across someone who has a strong sense of self, what are they going to do then? Some people won’t fall for their guff.

3. Bullying Myths:

Bullying is a normal rite of passage that all people endure.

Not so. There’s nothing normal about bullying. Moreover, it’s not a rite of passage. And there are many people who never suffer bullying.

Therefore, another bullying myth bites the dust!

Here’s what bullying is. It’s perverse, twisted, and sick. Bullying only speaks volumes of the bully’s lack of character. It never reflects on you.

Bullying is always a reflection of the bully’s insecurity, jealousy, and hidden rage. And the more we learn about it, the more evidence we get that supports this.

4. Bullying builds character.

No, it doesn’t. It tears it down and suppresses it.

Bullying instills fear in its victims. It makes them afraid to relax and be themselves. People don’t feel safe when bullies target them.

In fact, being bullied can cause victims to shut down. And they bury parts of themselves for their own safety.

As a result, bullying can lead to low self-esteem and poor mental health. So, stand up to bullies and they’ll likely leave you alone.

5. Bullying Myths:

Bullying is only Darwinism, Natural Selection, or Survival of the Fittest.

It may be a dark part of human nature, but a reason doesn’t equal an excuse. Bullies and their enablers often use this line as an excuse for their rotten behavior.

Moreover, supporters of it say this to normalize this despicable and pathetic behavior.

This is why it’s important not to fall for these myths. You must dispel them to protect yourself.

And never blame yourself for someone else’s crappy behavior. Hold on to your truth.

If anyone rattles off any of the above lines when you speak out against bullying, counter those statements. And do it with conviction!

Other facts about bullying

1. You can never appease a bully.

Never! This goes no matter what you do to satisfy the bullies and no matter how many times you tell them what they want to hear.

If you submit to them, your bullies may go away and leave you alone for the time being. However, they always come back for more.

Bullying Myths:

You can never submit your way out of being abused.

Put another way, the more you submit, the more your bullies will hound you. Why? Because it’s how they get what they want from you.

Moreover, by cowing down to them, you make yourself look weak. And bullies prey on weakness.

Therefore, stand up to them and they’ll leave you alone.

Sometimes it takes a final showdown before your bullies will finally give you the respect you deserve and go find another target to bully. Think of the movie “Tombstone.”

2. Bullies thrive on your fear of retaliation and further harm.

Know that your fear is understandable because it is a natural human response to danger. So, I don’t blame you for it.

However, you must realize that your bullies thrive on your perfectly normal fear response. And they will exploit it every chance they get!

Why? Because your fear has, so far, gotten them what they want. So, why would they stop?

Begin standing up to these creeps! You may face the possibility of getting beat within an inch of your life. But you’ll never improve your situations unless you learn to take risks.

3. Bullying myths:

Bullies only understand strength and power. They do not understand reason, diplomacy, nor politeness.

There are no polite ways to handle bullies.  Also, you can never reason with them.

Realize that bullies only see niceties, pleasantries, and politeness as weaknesses to exploit and manipulate.

Therefore, you must communicate with your bullies in the only language they understand. You must meet them exactly where they are.

This means refusing to be afraid to set boundaries. And when you set your boundaries, you must do it firmly and mean it!

Moreover, you cannot just set boundaries and expect your bullies to respect them. You must also enforce those boundaries with consequences.

Why? Because your bullies will see this as a challenge. And you can best believe they will rise to that challenge.

In other words, they will violate your newly established boundaries just to dare you and prove to you that they can. And when they do, make sure that the consequences are severe enough to make them stop!

The consequences must be so severe that your bullies won’t even want to look in your direction again, much less mess with you.

This is how you earn respect!

In closing, realize that your bullies want you to believe these myths. They do not want you to know the facts. Moreover, supporters of bullying also want you to believe it because they like to side with bullies. Therefore, do your research. Once you learn the truth your bullies try to hide, you’ll feel more confident in yourself. I promise!

This post was all about bullying myths and facts so that you’ll know that the bullying you suffer is no reflection on you and that bullies are more pathetic than you think.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn 

2. Things School Bullies Try to Hide: 13 Things They’re Ashamed Of 

3. Fear of Setting Boundaries: 5 Reasons You Don’t Stand Up to Bullies 

4. Facts About Respect: 9 Time-Tested Truths You Must Know 

opinions are not facts quotes

Opinions are Not Facts: 7 Reasons Those of Bullies Don’t Matter

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Opinions are not facts. ‘Want to know why they’re so cheap? Here are the reasons you shouldn’t care what others think of you.

opinions are not facts

It seems the people who know the least about us are the ones who have the most to say.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn that opinions are not facts. Moreover, you’ll learn why you shouldn’t care what others think or say about you.

Once you learn these important truths, you will no longer let the words of a bully, or anyone else who doesn’t matter, phase you.

This post is all about why opinions aren’t facts so that you can let others’ snarky words roll down your back and keep it moving.

Opinions are not facts

Facts are truths about you. Opinions are what people think of you.

Bullies talk a lot of crap and put on a fake persona. Moreover, they’re loud and obnoxious, which translates to thirsty for attention and admiration.

“Hey! Look at me! Look at me!”

Their lives are so pathetic that the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make others feel bad. It’s all because bullies are insecure and afraid.

They’re scared that someone else is either going to outshine them somehow or make them look inferior. However, should what they think of you ever matter?

What if I told you that your bullies’ negative thoughts of you only reflected those they secretly have of themselves?

Would you believe me if I said that their hatred of you is only a reflection of their own pathetic self-loathing? And that they’re only trying to put it all off on you?

Understand that bullies put on quite a show to look significant and relevant. Also, they must work damn hard at keeping up their images.

When you really stop and think about it, it’s just as pathetic as when someone stuffs their bra or puts a sock in their crotch. Anyone who must expend such an enormous amount of effort to keep the less-than-perfect parts of them hidden can’t be a person who likes themselves much.

Therefore, why should you value the opinion of some buffoon who’s desperate to be seen? Realize that this person’s opinion has no merit whatsoever. And their hurtful words carry little weight, if any at all.

If you know what to look for, you’ll see these people for what they are, and you won’t take them seriously. And when you do, it will buffer you from their attacks and your self-esteem will skyrocket!

Here are 7 reasons why the opinions of bullies don’t matter.

1. Opinions Are Not FActs:

Most Bullies are Fakers and Posers

In fact, a good majority of them are posers and fakers. Moreover, these imposters account for at least ninety percent of the population.

Therefore, should it be surprising that in high school and in the workplace, everything is based on appearances? Realize that those who fake it the best and most convincingly are the most popular ones in the bunch.

Also, they’re more than likely bullies to boot.

However, most people don’t pay attention to detail. And, they aren’t concerned with facts. Thankfully, there are a few who do. Even during high school, I noticed detail right off.

For instance, in the lunch line, I would notice that most of the guys in the clique would wear their flashy, designer clothes. However, most of them would pull out a cheap, fifteen-dollar wallet to pay for their lunches.

Many bullies do the same thing. They pose.

2. Most of them will bully you over your virtues, not your faults.

But you? You know that you don’t need to be fake and put on any fronts, yet you’re the one getting bullied. Do you know why?

It’s because you’re better than that and your bullies know it. Therefore, because you choose to be your authentic self, they give you a hard time over it.

Your bullies are jealous of you because you have the guts to be yourself. Moreover, you don’t have to work as hard as they do. To keep up fake appearances takes a lot of work.

Therefore, they project their fakery and insecurities onto you. Realize that people who are authentic and real will receive a lot of hate. Those who are comfortable with being themselves, are those most likely to suffer bullying.

It’s just a part of the messed-up world we live in.

So, I want you to know that when people bully you, it is not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because you’re doing something right. In other words, it’s not that there’s something wrong with you, it’s because there’s something right with you.

3. Opinions Are Not Facts:

The value you give to an opinion is based on relationship with the person who has it.

“In order to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try, though!”
~ T-Ronn Hicks ~

It’s a shame that most don’t realize this. But it’s true! When you value someone’s opinion of you, you’re naturally going to feel insulted if those opinions aren’t favorable.

Therefore, value the opinions of those most important in your life. Those people are the one who love you and help to grow and shape you into a better person. These people lift you up and help you feel better about yourself.

Moreover, they encourage you to reach for your goals.  They’re most likely to be your family, friends, and your favorite mentors.

They are those whose opinions you should value.

On the other hand, if you don’t consider certain people important, you won’t value their opinions. Some people do not deserve for you to value their opinions.

And those people are those who hurt or abuse you. Your bullies fall into this category.

4. Bullies and abusers don’t qualify.

I want you to understand that if a person seeks to harm you in any way, their opinions hold no value. Therefore, you should consider them null and void!

They’re of no importance to you whatsoever! Why? Because they can bring absolutely no good to your life!

Again, you should only value the opinions of those who love and care about you.  They are the ones who are down for your good and your advancement!

However, people who continually tear you down, wreck your self-esteem, and belittle you should have zero significance to you.

It doesn’t matter if they are in a high position. And, it doesn’t matter if they’re popular or have the most money. If they consistently tear you down, they’re no good to you.

Therefore, you should just blow them off and keep going.

Defending yourself and valuing the wrong people’s opinions isn’t the same.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t assert yourself if someone violates your boundaries. Because you should! However, don’t let it cause you to love yourself any less.

Blow off the petty put-downs of bullies. Why? Because, more than likely, the insults they spew have no merit in the first place!

I know it’s not easy. Believe me. I’ve been there. It took too many years for me to finally realize this important rule of life, but I’m glad I finally did. Better late than never.

Know that you can do it. Avoid toxic people as much as possible and only keep company with the people who have your best at heart.

You will know who these people are. Your gut will tell you. Moreover, their behavior will tell you. So, listen to that gut instinct and pay attention to the vibes others around you put out!

 You’ll thank yourself later!

5. Opinions are Not Facts:

“If you care too much about what others think, you care less about yourself.”

This is what a fellow blogger wrote a few years back. And, she was right!

When you care too much about what other people think, you become a slave to those people. In other words, these morons own you.

Any time you care too much about the thoughts and opinions of others, you’ll bend over backward to prove your worth. You’ll be a yes-person because you won’t have the guts to say no when you really want to say it.

You’ll do things you’d rather not do. Also, you’ll agree with things that go against your beliefs and convictions. You’ll sacrifice your time, your resources, and yourself for people who don’t deserve it.

6. You’ll lose respect for yourself and others will too.

You’ll fall for other people’s BS and accept crappy behavior from them just to avoid conflict. And they’ll see you as a pushover.

In other words, you’ll be a doormat and lose respect for yourself. And you’ll look pathetic! To put it bluntly, you’ll kiss butt and eat shit all for the sake of approval. Yuck!

You’ll only attract users, abusers, and losers, who’ll only deplete you of time, energy, and worst of all, self-esteem!

Even worse, your submissiveness will come to be expected after a while. And once you do finally get tired of being walked on and grow a spine, people won’t respect you for it. They’ll be offended by it.

‘You see, here’s the thing. If you truly know your value, you don’t have to prove it because you know it’s there. Even better, others see it too. Why? Because they not only sense that others’ opinions don’t phase you, but they can see it in your demeanor.

So, stop caring what bullies and abusers think of you. They shouldn’t even matter to you.

7. Opinions Are Not Facts:

Although they can Affect Our Lives to a degree, opinions are not facts.

This bears repeating. Bullies’ opinions shouldn’t concern you. However, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect you, or even hinder you.

The reality is that the bullies’ opinions of you can have a huge impact on your life. Moreover, you may not want to admit it. And, no, it isn’t fair.

However, the reality is that the personal opinions of other people are often the deciding factor on whether you’re well-liked or hated.

Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise wouldn’t have issues with you at all. Also, the opinions of bullies have ways of spreading far and wide.

They make bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being. It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.

However, don’t let that discourage you. Know that opinions aren’t facts and refuse to care what they think.

Why? Because, nine times out of then, if you don’t give a rat’s ass about others opinions, they won’t affect you. Moreover, others will notice that you don’t care. Then, they’ll leave you alone and go find someone else to bully and push their cheap opinions on.

This post is all about the truth that opinions aren’t facts so that you won’t care so much about the opinions of bullies and other people who don’t matter.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn 

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps 

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See 

4. Facts About Respect: 9 Time-Tested Truths You Must Know

no victim, no bullying can exist

No Victim No Bullying: 10 Reasons Bullies Need Victims

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No victim, no bullying. In other words, there can’t be bullying if there’s no victim. ‘Want to know why? Here are all the reasons bullies need victims.

no victim, no bullying

Every day, bullies fool their victims into believing that they need their approval to have a good life.

Therefore, in this post you will learn the true meaning behind the phrase, “no victim, no bullying,” and why your bullies work hard to brainwash you and look like they have absolute power over you.

Once you learn all about these life-changing truths, you will instantly know that you have the power to run your own life and your bullies won’t be near as threatening to you.

This post will give you all the truths you need to know and make you realize, no victim, no bullying. When you realize that bullying cannot thrive without victims, you’ll be encouraged to stand up to your bullies and refuse to be a victim any longer.

No victim, no Bullying

There are reasons why bullies brainwash you into thinking that they’re all powerful and that they have the power to dictate your life. Moreover, they fool you into thinking that you need them somehow.

They want you to think that you need them! You don’t. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Understand that your bullies need you more than you will ever need them!

You may be scratching your head, wondering what I’m talking about. Moreover, you may wonder why they need you.

Here’s why bullies need victims And why Your bullies need you.

1. Bullies Need You to Demonstrate their power before others.

They use these victims as guinea pigs on which, to demonstrate their might. Understand that, if you’re a victim of bullying, your bullies will use you as an example to everyone else that they’re not ones to mess with.

Therefore, other people won’t stand up to them either. Why? Because they don’t want to be another you.

Bystanders would rather the bullies keep jerking you around. Why? Because, at least, they’re not coming after them. Therefore, they watch you getting bullied and think, “Nope! I don’t want none of that!”

2. They need You to feel better about themselves.

It’s no secret that most bullies are the most insecure souls on earth. Why? Because most average people wouldn’t go around abusing other people without a good reason.

If  you’re confident and secure in yourself, you don’t have to do these things. Therefore, many bullies feel bad about themselves. In fact, they don’t feel like they’re good enough.

Your bullies need someone they can be better than. Because, if you’re not better than somebody, than you’re on the bottom of the shit heap.

3. No Victim, no Bullying:

Bullies need a scapegoat.

Your bullies need you to blame their stupidity and bad behavior on. Moreover, they need you to be a dumping ground for all their problems and frustrations.

Also, they must use you as a distraction from their own shortcomings. Understand that if they can project all their flaws unto you, then others will be too busy looking at you instead of them.

Therefore, it’s easier for your bullies to hide their own imperfections by using you as a distraction.

Think about it, bullies are cowards. So, they hide that by making you afraid. Then, you’re the one who looks cowardly.

The use of a scapegoat is nothing new.

It’s as old as time. In fact, during the Medieval Period, kings and other monarchs often used scapegoats to keep their hands clean – or at least make them look clean.

Back then, it was common practice to execute scapegoats for the wrongdoings of kings. Blaming them and putting them to death kept the scapegoats quiet and the kings above reproach.

Therefore, the monarchs could continue unquestioned, and smelling like roses. Bullies do the same today, only in different ways.

No victim, No Bullying:

Bullying and scapegoating go hand in hand.

The purpose of scapegoating is to force another person to accept blame for sins of which you are guilty. Sadly, the person blamed is often innocent. Even sadder is the fact that he’s usually the one least likely to fight back. The person is then punished and sacrificed.

Bullies are notorious for refusing to accept blame for any wrongdoing or mistake. So, they search for the most convenient person to lay blame on- their target. And what’s the victim going to do about it?

The ability to transfer guilt to their victims gives bullies immense power. Understand that bullies depend on appearances to maintain their fake facades of gleaming-white perfection. Well-seasoned bullies must appear to be god-like at all times.

4. Bullies need victims like you for entertainment.

They don’t only need you for their own entertainment. But, they need to use you to entertain others and get a few laughs out of their audience.

Why? Because most bullies crave attention. Also, they want people to admire them. Therefore, they try to humiliate you in public to get those things.

5. Bullies need To Keep You Under their Control.

Think about it. Domestic abusers, who are also bullies, do the same to their partners. They keep them dependent by making them believe that they need them.

Why? To keep control of them. Only domestic abusers keep their partners dependent by keeping a tight grip on any money that come into the household.

Moreover, domestic abusers close their partners off from any job opportunities. They also cut them off from their friends and family who may loan them money.

Make no mistake! This is all designed to keep the abused partner in the relationship.

Abuse is abuse, whether it comes in the form of bullying or domestic violence.

No Victim, No Bullying:

Dictators and totalitarian governments do the same thing to their people.

Socialist and Communist governments, also bullies, want their people to think they need them. And they do so by forcing them to become dependent on them.

In that, they can keep control of their speech, their behavior, and their thoughts. So, how do these tyrannical governments keep their citizenry dependent?

They do it by controlling all the resources – food, the water supply, energy distribution, income and wealth distribution.

Why? Because, if you can keep someone dependent, you can make the rules and tell them what they can and cannot do. Even worse, you can force them to put up with horrible treatment.

Therefore, if you can make someone think they need you, you can force them put up with bullshit that they, under normal circumstances, would not tolerate.

Make them dependent on you for their very survival, and you can control every aspect of a person’s life!

What Do you think you’d have to depend on bullies for?

For acceptance and approval. Also, for the ability to make friends and establish relationships. Yes, many targets of bullying have been hoodwinked into thinking that they should depend on their bullies to have these things.

This kind of brainwashing is how bullies keep you begging for it. They dangle carrots of acceptance in front of your face.

Then, when you reach for those carrots, they jerk them back. And the reasons why bullies do this is to keep you begging.

Bullies want you to believe that you’re nothing without their approval. Moreover, they want you to think that you can’t make friends, find a date, or have any successes without their say so.

In short, they want you to think that they control your very existence

But, make no mistake! This is how they brainwash you to wrest complete control and domination over your life.

If they can make you believe that you’re nothing without their approval, then they succeed in taking away your power!

No Victim, No Bullying:

It’s all about control.

When bullies do this, they keep you afraid to be your own person. Moreover, they keep you scared to exercise your autonomy, speak freely, be creative, and to flourish.

In that, your bullies keep you fearful of standing up to them. They stop you from calling them out on their atrocious behavior and asserting your God-given right not to be abused.

Understand that bullies, domestic abusers, and oppressive governments have the same in common. To control everyone, favor their friends, and destroy their targets.

It’s how they keep everyone dependent and obligated, and, therefore preserve dominance and power over them.

6. Your Bullies Need you for their convenience.

Realize that in the minds of bullies, you and everyone else are only there for their convenience. In other words, you serve their purpose and their agenda. Nothing more!

If you’re exceptionally intelligent, you pose the biggest threat to your bullies’ positions. On the other hand, if you’re naïve, bullies will exploit it to the fullest.

Why? Because they know that naïve people aren’t taken seriously. Also, the naïve tend to overdo their claims of innocence. And others often mistake it as a sign of guilt.

7. No Victim, No Bullying:

They need you to destroy.

Especially if you threaten them somehow! Bullies contain threats by undermining them and wearing them down with constant smear campaigns.

They’re also use exclusion, and personal attacks to lower your social standing.  Again, most smart victims are socially intelligent. They stay calm when their bullies are reeking social havoc around them.

However, if you’re one of those socially intelligent victims, you’ll likely overdo being calm and relaxed. And others may mistake your stoicism for guilt.

Why? Because they’ll assume that your keeping it together is only an act and that you’re hiding something.

8. They need you to take responsibility for their negative feelings.

Here’s another reason your bullies need you. They need someone to make responsible for their negative feelings. They need you to be a lightning rod for their feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and hurt.

And when they make you responsible for their bad feelings, you become the offender who must be punished and eliminated.

9. No Victim, No Bullying:

Your bullies need you to use as a dumping ground for all their emotional issues.

To combat their negative emotions, bullies demand that you take their shit. Also, they insist that you show them respect at all times. And, to bullies giving them respect equals allowing them to abuse you without protest.

Moreover, they also have the attitude that you should do whatever they tell you to do and make them feel powerful.

10. Your bullies need a bottom rat to ensure that they don’t end up on the bottom.

If you’re a target of bullying, they need you to stay on the bottom. Therefore, your bullies will go out of their way to keep you there. Every pecking order needs whipping boys.

In other words, they need easy victories for the higher-ups to collect.

If you are a target of bullying, I want you to understand that bullies consider it crucial that you stay on the bottom. Why? Because bottom rats make them and everyone else look good.

When your brutalize you, everything must appear as if you had it coming. Your bullies need to make everyone think that they were wronged by your stupidity, incompetence, and evil.

In Closing:

If nothing else, know this! You do not need approval from anyone except the people who love you back. If someone doesn’t see your worth, their opinions of you shouldn’t matter.

Therefore, stop allowing your bullies to program you into believe that you need them. Because, in reality, they are the ones who need you. Only they’ll never tell you that.

Lastly, realize that bullying cannot exist if there’s no victim. In other words, no victim, no bullying. Therefore, decide once and for all that you aren’t going to be a victim anymore.

Stand up to your bullies and take your power back!

This post is all about the true meaning of “no victim, no bullying” to encourage you to take yourself out of the victim role and find a more powerful role for yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Being a Scapegoat: 5 Powerful Ways to Put a Stop to It

2. Reasons Why People Bully – 7 Most Common Motives

3. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

how to stop over-explaining yourself

How to Stop Over-Explaining: 9 Powerful Mind-Hacks You Can Use

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‘Want to know how to stop over-explaining? Here are all the mind hacks you need to know about.

how to stop over-explaining

Too many victims of bullying feel that they must explain themselves to everyone. However, some things just don’t need explaining.

Therefore, you shouldn’t explain yourself to people who mean very little to you. That includes bullies and haters.

In this post, you will learn how to stop over-explaining yourself so that you can enjoy more freedom and autonomy.

Once you learn all about these important tidbits, you will no longer feel the need to explain yourself to anyone you don’t owe anything to. As a result, you’ll feel much better about yourself and freer to do your own thing.

This post is all about how to stop over-explaining so that you can free yourself from other people’s ignorance and judgments.

How to Stop Over-Explaining

It’s amazing how we waste so much of our time and energy caring about what others think of us. Moreover, these are usually people whose opinions of us have absolutely no bearing on our lives!

I want you to understand that there will always be people who judge you negatively without knowing you. It’s a part of life.

Moreover, those who say the most are usually the ones who know the least about you. So, why do you place so much value on their opinions? Why do you need to explain yourself to them?

Don’t explain yourself to the wrong people

I can understand if the person means a lot to you. Longing to be accepted is human nature and we’re all hardwired to desire human connection.

Also, it’s good to value opinions of our families, friends, and those who love us and want best for us. Why? Because their opinions of us are credible and we value them.

However, a bully or hater’s opinion isn’t credible. It has no value and shouldn’t matter at all. These people add nothing to your life, they only take from it!

So, again, are people who are of no benefit to you even worth the energy expenditure? Should what they think of you even matter?

And do their meaningless opinions have any bearing on your life? Are they a superior at work or school and do they have the power to determine what happens to us?

If not, then chalk their opinions up as just a bunch of noise that you need to mute. Why? Because they aren’t worthy of any explanations or apologies.

And, if you continue over-explaining yourself to the wrong people, you only make yourself a bigger target to them.

1. How to stop over-explaining:

See your bullies’ opinions as a bunch of drivel.

One of sad things about suffering bullying is that others will always stick their noses in your business. Moreover, if you so much as scratch your nose, they will happily insert their cheap two cents on it.

Therefore, chances are that you’re doing all the research on how to refuse to answer to your bullies.

If nothing else, know this! You do NOT have to explain yourself to anyone. Sure, people have told you this time and time again. But how do you gather the courage to refuse?

2. See your bullies’ unsolicited opinions as tiny power-grabs.

Your bullies are only trying to strip you of your personal power.

Therefore, realize that you don’t have to answer to these ignoramuses. Tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. And take back your peace of mind.

Again, you don’t have to explain yourself to these pieces of garbage.

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. They just want to run their mouths to undermine your autonomy. So, you don’t owe those creeps a damn thing!

3. Your bullies are trying to Bait you into a reaction.

Understand that bullies are playing games with you. Moreover, there’s a psychological payoff to these little mind-games.

Baiting you to react gives your bullies satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

To put it simpler, while you’re wasting your breath, trying to explain yourself to your bullies, they’re smiling inside over how easy it was to get you riled up.

They’re getting their kicks off their ability to make you nervous and afraid. Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one.

4. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Understand that Explanations are a waste of time and energy

Why? For these reasons.

  • No matter what you say or how you say it, bullies will never believe you.
  • Most people only believe whatever feels convenient.
  • They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Facts may only deter them for the time being. However, your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong.
  • They’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand another explanation later.

Therefore, it’s better just to tell them, up front, that you don’t owe them any explanations. Then, end the confrontation by telling them all to step off before turning your back and walking away.

5. See Your Bullies’ Opinions as a mind-Game.

Realize that your bullies get their thrills from knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself. Therefore, stop trying so hard to explain yourself to those who aren’t worth pissing on.

Therefore, who are they that you should have to explain anything? Why should you care what they think?

Are they even worth your consideration? They don’t pay your bills. And they don’t sign your paychecks. They damn sure aren’t important to you.

Are they even up to your level? Do they bring anything worthwhile to your life?

Ask yourself these questions and you’ll know the answers. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these morons jack shit!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

It’s difficult not to began rattling off when you just want them to go away and leave you in peace. But trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

This bears repeating. It won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

6. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

See their opinions as a trap!

When your bullies attempt to interact with you, they’ll try to suck you into the explaining trap. And, no matter how you much you explain things, they’ll only pretend not to understand.

In fact, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

Again, most things don’t need an explanation. However, it doesn’t mean bullies won’t try. They’ll do their damnedest to get you to give needless explanations.

And, if you don’t understand how to avoid this trap, they’re have you running on an endless hamster wheel of trying to clear up things that aren’t a big deal.

You’ll only wear yourself out, trying to explain yourself to idiots who aren’t worthy of your time or consideration.

Therefore, realize that this is just another bullying tactic.

7. Realize that your bullies are trying To throw you off-balance

Realize that your bullies only make you explain yourself to keep you on the back foot. They’ll keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you drowning in an endless sea of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that they really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.

8. How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Understand that They can use your explaining To gather ammunition they can fire back at you later

‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more they can reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire at you later.

And they may use it tomorrow, or even years later.

You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.

For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”

You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.

9. Know that They Only get you to explain yourself just To trip you up.

When bullies dupe you into explaining yourself, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.

Therefore, you probably won’t be able to keep your story straight. And this will be no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.

How to Stop Over-Explaining:

So, what are the best ways to respond?

And how do you respond with strength? There are several ways.

For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.

Moreover, you want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.

Understand that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! This bears repeating. You don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.

Here’s another example. You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”

All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.

Again, the trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. Use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.

Sometimes, you have to embarrass your bullies to make them back off.

For instance, when they ask you to explain why you got smart with them, you can ask them, “What are you, five!”

This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.

Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like punks!

You can also ask them, “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like complete idiots. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.

Therefore, you win!

Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and hit them in the gut with it.

However, most victims miss this opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.

Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.

How to Stop Over-Explaining:

Sometimes, It’s best not to respond at all.

Some things just don’t need an explanation.

Therefore, if your bullies try to get you to explain yourself, you can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work.

But, you’ll come out ahead because you understood that over-explaining isn’t necessary. And you didn’t fall into the explaining trap.

In closing:

So, what will happen when you figure out what your bullies are doing?

Once you figure out where all this bullshit comes from, your bullies’ mind-games will no longer affect you. You’ll get bored with all their shenanigans.

Then, you’ll only blow them off with a “whatever,” and keep it moving.

Therefore, you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake is that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails. Moreover, you won’t be any fun to them anymore.

Then, your bullies will finally leave you alone and find some one else to toy around with.

 Therefore, stop thinking you have to explain yourself to those who aren’t worth your time. And stop caring what other people think.

Realize that you deserve so much better. Command the respect you deserve. And if that means you walk away and sever ties with toxic people, then, so be it.

You’re better off without them. So, do whatever you must do to take back your power and your peace of mind.

This post was all about how to stop over-explaining so that you can make yourself less a victim and take back your personal power and your peace of mind.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

2. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

3. When You Stop Caring: 9 Positive Results You’ll See

4.  How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

bullying journal articles

Bullying Journal: 8 Reasons You Should Keep One

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‘Want to know the importance of a bullying journal and why you should keep one? Here are all the reasons you should keep a journal of the attacks if you suffer bullying.

bullying journal

If you’re a victim of bullying, it can have long-term, devastating effects on your life. Sadly, school officials, corporate managers, parents and even law enforcement still can’t fully comprehend the daily torment victims endure.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why it’s crucial that you keep a daily bullying journal and document everything.

Once you learn all about the reasons for keeping one, you will be more proactive in ensuring your safety.

This post is all about the importance of keeping a bullying journal so that you can do your own investigation and build your own case against your bullies.

Bullying Journal

Journals are one of the best ways for you to get evidence of bullying.

Moreover, you especially need one if the bullying becomes physical and you need medical attention. Therefore, here are all the reasons this documentation is important to have.

1. Bullying is Hard to Prove.

Bullies are experts at acting charming and polite in front of other people. However, they do this to hide their bad behavior. This is why people often don’t believe you when you report the bullying.

In fact, they may blame you. They may ask what you did to make the bully attack you.

Why? Because the bully will only rationalize and explain away their bad behavior. Moreover, they’ll make it sound like you asked for it.

‘You see? Bullies are very convincing liars. They’re experts at turning others against you. Thus, you should always keep written documentation of their abuse.

Here’s another reason bullying is so difficult to prove.

Bullies often disguise their behavior as harmless jokes and teasing. Therefore, people in authority probably won’t take it very seriously when you report it.

They’ll just think that you’re too sensitive and need to lighten up.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Bullies are experts at making you look like the bad guy.

This goes back to number one. However, it bears repeating. Bullies can charm the panties off a nun. Here are ways they charm people in authority and make their lies sound so believable.

Many bullies use good looks and impeccable dressing to impress others. In this, they use the halo effect, to their advantage. The Halo Effect is a phenomenon where those who look the best are the most trusted and respected by others.

Also, bullies will use your emotions against you. Let’s face it, being bullied can turn you into an emotional mess. Therefore, if you react to bullying with intense anger or crying, bullies will put on a calm and collected demeanor.

As a result, you’ll come off looking unhinged. And people in authority will take the bullies’ word over yourself. Why? Because of the calm, cool front they put up.

Moreover, while looking calm, they’ll point out your emotional reaction and twist it to convince everyone that you’re unstable.

Bullies will also play the victim and burst into tears to gain sympathy from other people.

Seasoned bullies are master wordsmiths. They can spin a story that is so convincing that teachers and supervisors will find it hard not to believe it.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Most Schools and Workplaces Protect Bullies.

If your bullies are high performers, they’re able to impress teachers, principals, and supervisors. Therefore, it’s likely that reporting them won’t help

In fact, it might make things worse.

Understand that schools and workplaces look out for their own interests. Therefore, if your bullies impress them or make them look good, you’re screwed.

It’s not uncommon for schools or workplaces to cover up incidences of bullying. The reasons they do this is to protect their precious reputations.

Moreover, they may like the bullies, a lot! So, they’ll hide bullying to protect them as well. There are countless stories of schools retaliating against bullied kids for opening their mouths.

For example, the school might contact Child Protective Services and send them to their homes to break up their families.

Remember that school officials, mainly school board members, are elected officials.

3. IT Gives You Evidence to present in court or tribunals.

The school or company may tell you that they’ll investigate the bullying. However, they either won’t do it at all or they’ll do a sloppy investigation.

Also, here’s another thing you need to think about. Any investigations they conduct will be geared toward keeping their own asses out of hot water, not to protect you.

Therefore, you must be your own detective and build your own case. Keeping a bullying journal is one of the ways you can do this.

In fact, journals are the best way you can gather evidence of bullying.

4. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It Establishes a pattern of the bullying events.

To establish a pattern, you must write in your journal every day. Even if you have days when the bullies leave you alone, which will probably be rare, write those days down too.

This will prove how often these people bully you and will provide prove of that if the bullying is severe and ritualistic.

5. Documenting the bulling gives you a voice.

In other words, it gives you equal say when no one else listens to you. By documenting the abuse, you can tell your side without being ignored or having their experiences trivialized by the bully or anyone else.

Journals cannot trivialize your experiences. Moreover, they can’t invalidate your suffering in any way. Journals are also confidential. Therefore, they’re the safest.

If you’ve tried telling a staff member how people bully you, only for them to silence or blame you, you owe it to yourself to document the harassment in your daily journal.

In short, if you can’t talk about it, write about it! It will probably be the only outlet you have.

6. Your story will be more credible.

Writing your bullying journal is a clear, legible, and organized manner helps you to keep your story straight. Therefore, you’ll look more credible to anyone who’s in a position to help you.

When you’re emotional from all the bullying you suffer, you’re more likely to forget important parts of what happened.

Also, emotions may cause you to ramble when you explain what’s been happening. And, the last thing you want to do is start rambling when you’re trying to report bullying.

The reason for this is that high emotions block your ability to think straight. But if you have your journal, you’ll be more likely to stay calm and tell the entire story.

7. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

It’s Admissible in Court.

Keeping a journal gives you a legal record of the bullying. Therefore, In case the bully hurts you badly enough to send you to the hospital, you’ll have your journal to present to law enforcement.

Moreover, if you have to go to court, you can use the journal as evidence of bullying.

8. It’s good therapy for you.

Keeping a journal is cathartic and therapeutic. It allows you to express the emotions you can’t show any other way.

What to do and what NOT to Do When You Journal

 When you document bullying in your journal, you must think about the quality of the information. Here’s what not to do when documenting in your bullying journal.

1. Don’t be Vague.

Write down everything in detail. Record the what, who, when, where, why, and how. Also, avoid using subjective language. And never write down your conclusions of the bullying that’s been happening.

Examples of vague statements include,

  • She made me feel humiliated.
  • He embarrassed me in front of everyone.
  • He physically assaulted me.
  • They isolated me from everyone.

Focus on what happened and the bullying behaviors you encountered, not what you feel! For example, what do the bullies do? What did they say to you? Write down your bullies’ exact words, complete with quotation marks.

For instance, if a bully got in your face and slapped you, include that in your journal. Those are the bullying behaviors you need to describe. If they yelled at you, cursed you out, and threatened you, write that down too. Be sure to write down exactly what they said to you.

2. Reasons to Keep a Bullying Journal:

Do Stick to the facts.

In other words, avoid any primal responses. Keep the inflammatory language to a bare minimum. Now’s not the time for emotional writing. Just share what they did to you in the tiniest details possible.

3. Use the 5W Rule (what, who, when, where, why, and sometimes How). 

Again, write down what happened in full detail. Also, record the names of those present when the attack took place. Write down the names of bullies, bystanders, teachers, EVERYONE!

Record the time, date and place the altercation occurred. Do this with every incident that takes place. Leave nothing out!

Even if the attacks are minor, you must still record it in your journal. For example, if the confrontation is verbal, write it down.

Why? Because verbal aggression often precedes a physical one.

In Closing:

I can’t stress this enough! Keeping a journal can be the difference between people listening to you or blowing you off.

Therefore, keep very detailed records of any taunts, threats and altercations no matter how small they may seem.

Also, write everything down while it’s fresh in your mind. The last thing you want to do is procrastinate and end up forgetting a few important details.

Write your daily journal in secret. This should go without saying. You wouldn’t want anyone to see it.

Bullies are known to destroy property and rummage through your belongings. Therefore, keep your journal in a safe place. If you worry about the wrong people finding it and snooping through it, keep your journal at home.

But write in it as soon as you get home, while your memory of the days events are still fresh. The sooner you record, the better.

Keeping a bullying journal is crucial when people bully you. Don’t depend on anyone else to do an investigation for you. Do your own. Gather your own evidence.

Build your own case. It could save your life.

This post is all about why you should keep a daily bullying journal so that you can gather your own evidence and build a rock solid case against your bullies and the people in power who allow them to abuse you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Document Bullying: 5 Things to Record in Your Journal 

2. Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying 

3. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses