Category: bullying

Wallowing in Self Pity: 7 Good Reasons to Stop Doing It

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If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know why you should stop wallowing in self pity? Here are all the reasons you need to know.

wallowing in self pity

Too many victims of bullying resort to wallowing in self pity when people bully them. It’s okay to feel hurt and it’s okay to cry. However, when you constantly feel sorry for yourself, you only make life worse for yourself.

Therefore in this post, you will learn why wallowing in self pity is counterproductive and that there are better ways to solve your problems.

Once you learn these important truth, you will seek better ways to overcome bullying.

This post is all about wallowing in self pity and why it’s not good for you so that you can begin handling bullying more constructively.

Wallowing in self pity

It’s okay to cry when someone hurts you. It’s okay to be hurt, angry, and sad. In fact, you need to allow yourself to feel.

Therefore, allow yourself to feel bad. Permit yourself to cry it out. Just don’t unpack your things and live in that dark place.

Never let the cruel words and actions of a bully alter your outlook on the world around you. And don’t allow them to cause you to distrust humanity or yourself!

Know that your bullies’ behavior does not reflect on you! It reflects on the bullies themselves and their issues. I realize that this isn’t always easy.

However, it all comes down to you. You are responsible for your successes and your happiness. Happiness is a choice. It’s not something that magically happens to only certain people.

1. Your bullies are cowards and they’re fighting their own demons.

They’re only fighting the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof of it.

In most cases, the reason why bullies point out your shortcomings is to distract people’s attention from their own. They’re so afraid that somebody will find out what their weaknesses are.

Bullies are notorious for projecting their flaws onto you to keep other people from seeing theirs. It’s pathetic when you think  about it.

And trust me, we all have imperfections. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Distraction and projection are how bullies operate.

They would be the top two tactics in the “How To Bully” handbook if there ever were such a guide. Understand that bullies bully out of only, fear and insecurity!

Therefore, never let your tormentors decide how you should feel about yourself. And never allow them to cause you to feel sorry for yourself.

2. Wallowing in Self-Pity:

Self-Pity is not attractive.

In fact, it’s socially repelling! I’m telling you this because there were times when I made the same mistake. And the only thing it did was bring more misery and drive people away.

So, I tried something different. I began countering everything with comebacks, affirmations, and positive thoughts.

When you begin to counter your bullies’ statements, their words won’t have such an effect on your self-esteem. In other words, your new, positive self-talk will become a buffer to the bullies’ insults and name-calling. Therefore, you won’t be nearly as hurt or saddened by it.

No matter what anyone says about you, you must look in the mirror every single day and convince yourself that you’re an awesome person. That you are the best, and sometimes, people treat the best the worst.

Moreover, you may need to have this self-talk every minute of every day. Why? Because you must do it often enough for it to sink in.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, try positive self-talk. Begin praising yourself for all your good qualities. And know in your heart the good you bring to this world and the blessing you are to the people who love you.

Why? Because the more you love yourself and the less self-pity you live in, the easier it will be to find solutions. You’re worth it! Don’t you think?

3. Life Isn’t fair.

It’s the truth. It never has been and never will be. God deals each of us a hand of cards. Some people get a crappy hand and some, a lucky hand.

However, the trick is to play the hand you’re dealt and to play it wisely. Some people are born poor, some middle-class, and others are born rich.

Some are born with disabilities and others aren’t. One person may have access to certain things and another person may not. It’s the luck of the draw.

Nevertheless, you have the choice of whether to move up, stay where you are, or descend. In other words, if you don’t like where you are, you have the ability to move upward.

It may take a while. It may require years of hard work. But if you want it bad enough, you will do what you must do to achieve it. Complaining only keeps you stuck!

Therefore, empower yourself by ditching the word, “fair.”

4. Wallowing in self Pity:

No one owes you anything. You owe it to yourself.

Whether you’ve been mistreated and cheated, no one owes you anything. However, you do owe it to yourself. You have every right to pursue and achieve happiness.  And you can make a good life for yourself.

Only you are responsible for your life

Understand that nobody can achieve anything for you. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to get where you want to go.

Each of us has our own lives to improve and each person is responsible for their own destiny.

5. No one else will improve your life for you.

Governments really don’t care about you. Though they may try to legislate blessings, luck, and chance, they only do it out of their own self-interest.

Moreover, they cannot legislate fairness. You only have yourself to depend on and you should never depend on the government, your school, your parents, anyone else to improve your life.

You must do it all on your own by taking risks and doing the work required to reach your goals. On the other hand, whining and complaining gets you nowhere. Also, anger and bitterness only make things worse for you.

Today, I hear more and more whining, “it’s not fair.” I see people act out and throw tantrums, as if its going to get them somewhere.

Understand that this is victim-mentality. And those kinds of thought processes only serve to keep you down and out.

People need to grow up and accept that the world isn’t all unicorns, rainbows, fairies, and pixie dust. In short, life isn’t fair.

Sadly, I see many victims of bullying do this. Though I hate to admit it, I did the same once upon a time.

The only way you can take back your happiness is to banish the word, “fair” from your vocabulary. Then, work toward your goals. Stop depending on other people and entities to get you what you want.

And once you do, I guarantee that you’ll instantly empower yourself and be much happier.

6. Wallowing in Self Pity:

Complaining won’t help you any.

Moreover, when you whine and complain, you only focus on the problem and not a possible solution. This is why others don’t like, nor do they respect a complainer. If you need to get something off your chest, that’s okay. However, there’s a time and place for it.

Throughout my life, I’ve known such chronic complainers, that complaining seemed to be the default mode for them. They even whined after they found a solution to their problem.

“But it didn’t happen fast enough!” they might have said. To that, I wanted to say, “Hey, buddy! Nothing good comes quickly nor easily! Life’s tough! Get used to it!”

Moreover, I’ve even known whiners who really didn’t want a solution to their problems. They just wanted to gripe, thinking it would get rid of all that pinned-up energy and make them feel better. Sadly, I was guilty of these things when I was young.

whining and complaining always comes from powerlessness!

Understand that complaining comes from weakness. It stems from feelings of powerlessness and a victim-mentality.

Moreover, you only unleash all your anger and frustration. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing every once in a while. Even the most resilient must vent every now and then.

Everyone has times when they must blow off a little steam. However, when you do it constantly, it becomes a problem.

The people around you will only get sick of listening to it. After a while they will lose respect for you.

Also, complaining invites bullying to come your way. Why? Because bullies will use it as a weapon against you. Therefore, all that complaining becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you are a victim of bullying, I want you to realize that whining about it, rather than taking action against it, will make you an even bigger target!

Wallowing in Self Pity:

chronic complaining also stems from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.

Hey! I understand how you feel. You have every right to be angry. Being bullied sucks and it hurts. I get that.

However, as I said earlier, complaining comes from powerlessness and weakness. Moreover, it comes from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.

Complaining alone does nothing to solve the problem. You must take action.

On the other hand, if you’re an empath and you hear someone else constantly complaining, it may be tempting to lend the person your ear. This is a bad idea because you’re not helping the person.

You may be enabling them to complain more. Also, you might be setting yourself up to be their go-to person anytime they need to unload.

As a result, the person won’t feel better. They’ll only drain your energy.

7. You only alienate people who might otherwise help you.

In other words, others won’t want to be around you. Moreover, you’ll kill any support you might otherwise have if you took action instead of having a pity party.

Only victims complain, targets take action. You’ll score more points by doing something about the bullying than you will by whining and complaining about it.

When you’re a target of bullying and not a victim, you understand that life doesn’t have to be fair. Moreover, you take action by standing up for yourself and reporting it.

And, in doing that, you empower yourself and continue to stand strong. Therefore, if you have a problem, find solutions.

Instead of consistently whining and complaining, begin taking action. Empower yourself. Be your own hero!

This post was all about wallowing in self pity and why you should take action and find solutions instead.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters

2. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

3. Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: 9 Ways it Plagues Victims of Bullying

there's always hope

There’s Always Hope: 11 Things to Remember When People Bully You

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If you’re a victim of bullying, know that there’s always hope and that you can overcome it. Here are several things you need to remember when people bully you.

there's always hope

In this post you will learn that there’s always hope when people bully you. Moreover, you will know that as long as you stay alive, this sad chapter in your life won’t last forever.

Once you learn all these things, you’ll want to fight so that you can look forward to a better future.

The purpose of this post is to assure you that there’s always hope when you’re being bullied. Also, it’s to give you encouragement and let you know that your life won’t always be this way. You can overcome bullying and a wonderful life is waiting for you on the other side of it.

There’s always hope

Things may seem hopeless now. But take heart. You won’t have to deal with bullying forever. Life does get better!

Hope, Your Best Ally Against Bullying

Bullying is a war unlike no other. It’s the fight of your life. It’s a battle in which there’s no clear cut enemy.

Bullying is a situation in which hope is your only ally. Don’t lose it! Because, in losing it, you also lose morale and the strength to keep going.

Hope enables you to look to the future. It gives you strength and the wisdom to know that whatever you endure in the present will eventually pass.

It encourages resilience and gives you the endurance to go on. Hope gives you confidence. And with confidence comes the determination to reach the finish line and win the race.

Hope opens doors. It’s that still, small voice that whispers, “Keep going. You’ve got this!” Holding onto hope fuels success in helping you to attain your goals and desires. It’s the will to persevere during the toughest of times and go after your dreams in life.

Never lose hope. Because if you lose it, there’s nothing left.

There’s Always Hope:

Please Hold On! The Best is Yet to Come!

People may bully you now but they won’t always. Although the bullying is intense- even unbearable, the struggle is only temporary. And I do not say this lightly.

Some of you may be thinking… “But she doesn’t understand! Nobody understands!”

“She’s isn’t suffering, and she doesn’t understand the hell I go through every day at work or at school!”

However, I do. Why? Because, once upon a time, I was stuck in the same spot that you are in today.

I know what it is like to want to smile, laugh, sing, and dance only for others beat it out of you. Also, I understand the pain of wanting to believe in yourself and see your own value.

You try to feel good about yourself, only for others to repeatedly and seemingly deliberately drum into your head that you are nothing.

I Feel Your Pain because I Experienced it.

To want to speak and use your voice, only for people to silence you! You want to just live in peace but others won’t let you.

 They only threaten physical harm, further degradation and humiliation. School staff threatens suspension or expulsion. Your supervisor may threaten you with the loss of your job and livelihood.

Moreover,  others may sabotage your opportunities! I know all too well the desire to move forward and go places, only for bullies to hold you back.

To want to escape the torment, only to be stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! I know the horror of knowing that others curse your very existence and bombard you with death threats.

I know what it feels like to have others force you to sacrifice your own needs and wants for their own satisfaction! And to see others getting gratification and entertainment- all at your expense!

I know what it’s like to be marginalized, shut out, and devalued as a person. Additionally, I know what it’s like to even be slapped, kicked, beaten, scorned, disregarded, walked on!

There’s Always Hope:

“Are you dead yet?”

It is a feeling of being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, throws it into reverse, and backs over you again. The driver then shifts back into drive and mows over you- yet again. He then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out, and asks, “Are you dead yet?”

Bullies don’t only want to hurt you, they want to destroy you.

And any signs of life- any whimper or movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and back over you again. He just keeps running and backing over you until you finally succumb to the trauma and die.

Yes. This is akin to what targets of bullying endure. Bullies want to destroy you. And it seems that they won’t relent until they are sure that they have done just that.

But know this. You will not have to deal with these people forever, and Karma does repay – in spades! If you keep believing in yourself, you will become successful and happy. And when you finally get there, your bullies won’t even matter to you.

The Resilience of The Target of Bullying

Understand that we, as humans, know what we need to nourish and flourish. Therefore, if we’re not getting what we need and want in our current environment, we’ll get it somewhere else.

Targets of bullying are like flowers that lean toward the sunlight to grow. So, if you’re a target of bullying, you will find someplace where you’re accepted. You will find friends. You’ll find love, and you’ll find happiness.

My bullies weren’t able to keep me bullied and broken. After I moved to a new school, their power ended.

I was no longer within their reach. As badly as they wanted to, they couldn’t keep me under their bootheel forever. I moved on to a place with people who accepted me as I was.

Understand that bullies can only keep you down for so long. They can’t do it forever. There’s always somewhere people will accept you – just for being your awesome self. Always remember that. There’s always a better tomorrow!

There’s Always Hope:

If You’re a Target of Bullying, Here’s a Message for You

Many bullied kids (and adults) are dying by suicide. This should hit home with many people because the suicide rate among bullied kids and teens is astronomical!

It certainly hits home with me because I attempted suicide at age fourteen after being bullied for several years. But I survived, and things got much better once I left that toxic learning environment I was bullied in.

Therefore, I want you to know these truths.

1. You can overcome bullying and move on to a better life.

Know that You CAN Overcome Bullying!

You are beautiful! Smart! Awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people who will see your worth and love you.

Moreover, they will love you unconditionally – just for being YOU! You will find a teacher, school, supervisor, or employer who will see the good you bring to the table.  A

These people will view you as the asset you truly are! Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for!

2. The situation you’re in is only one chapter of your life, not the entire book.

Whether you’re being bullied in school or the workplace, know that this is only one chapter. It’s a trial. Therefore, things won’t always be this way.

You’ll move through it and better days will come. I promise!

3. There’s Always Hope:

There are better ways to handle bullying other than taking your own life.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Moreover, if you take your own life, your bullies automatically win!

But as long as you have breath in you, chances are that your life will get better. Moreover, these people won’t always be in your life.

Therefore, don’t let them win. Stay strong and push forward. Know that life eventually gets better!

4. You must love yourself regardless of what others think.

Loving yourself in an environment that hates you is an act of rebellion. Therefore, be a rebel. Continue to love yourself, no matter what.

Why? Because it will pay huge dividends in the end.

5. You are just as good as anyone else, regardless of what people tell you.

All you have to do is believe it with every fiber of your being. Never allow your bullies to make you feel inferior.

Hold onto your self-belief!

6. There’s Always Hope:

You can do anything you set your mind to if you believe in yourself.

Self-belief is powerful! Therefore, if you have a goal, work on it until you achieve it. Don’t give up!

7. You Can educate yourself about bullies.

This means you must learn their mindsets, their tactics, and the damage they can do. Therefore, read and study everything you can about bullying.

The more you know about bullies and how they think and operate, the better off you’ll be. Why? Because knowledge is power! Therefore, the more you learn about bullies, the better you’ll be able to protect yourself against them.

8. Recognize the beginning symptoms of low self-esteem and find ways to fight it.

The key to protecting your self-esteem is to know when it’s about to take a nosedive. That’s the time to double down on your self-belief.

Moreover, it’s also the time for self-care. Therefore, show yourself compassion and do the things that make you feel good. It’s the only way you’re keep your self-esteem healthy.

9. Know that if bullies take your confidence, they can alter the course of your life.

Your life is yours. Therefore, when people bully you, you must fight like the devil to keep your confidence intact.

Why? Because it could be the difference between a life that’s rewarding or a life that’s difficult.

10. There’s Always Hope:

You have more power than you know.

Power isn’t only power you have. It’s also power you think you have. Never allow bullies to fool you into thinking you’re powerless.

Keep standing up to bullies no matter what. That’s how you keep your power.

11. Confidence is the key to a better and more rewarding life.

When bullies are attacking you at every turn, it’s easy to lose confidence. Moreover, it’s easy to lose that positive attitude you once had.

If you aren’t careful, you’ll begin to doubt yourself and give up on your goals.

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, I want to encourage you to hold your head high and keep the faith. Stay true to your own heart and follow your dreams. Know that it won’t last forever and one day soon, things are going to change for the better! I guarantee it!

There’s always hope! the purpose of this post is to give you the encouragement you need to stay in the fight and continue looking forward to a better future.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

2. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

3. Encouraging Words for Bullying: You Can Overcome!

How to Deal with Bullies: 7 Do’s and Don’ts You Need to Know

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‘Want to know how to deal with bullies? There’s a right way and a wrong way to handle them. Here are the 7 do’s and don’ts you need to be aware of.

how to deal with bullies

Bullies have all kinds of tactics in their bag of tricks. They have tactics you probably haven’t thought about yet. Moreover, there’s a wrong and right way to deal with them.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with bullies. You will learn the wrong and right ways to handle them so that you know what measures to avoid and which to use.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to make yourself less a target and handle bullies wisely.

This post is all about how to deal with bullies so that you can take care of yourself in any bullying situation.

How to Deal with Bullies

In order to better know the right ways to handle bullying, you must first know what ways to avoid. Here are the wrong ways of dealing with bullying that you need to know.

The Don’ts:

1. Don’t Ask them, “Why”.

Why? Because they will never tell you why they treat you so inhumanely. Understand that keeping you guessing is half the power bullies have over you.

Bullies are notorious for withholding information. In fact, withholding information is a silent bullying tactic all it’s own. Therefore, they’ll never tell you why they bully you.

In some cases, the bullies, themselves, don’t really know why. However, if they did, they probably wouldn’t tell you the truth.

So, why won’t they tell you the reasons they mistreat you?

Simple. It’s to keep you confused and bewildered. Keeping you befuddled is a power all its own. Because when you’re confused, you can’t think clearly.

And if you can’t think clearly, the less likely you are to figure out what to do to escape the bullies and their abuse. Or worse- how to defend yourself, conquer your bullies, and win your power back.

Keeping you confused is a huge chunk of the power bullies have over you.

Understand that bullies will never relinquish their power. Never! And to be truthful as to why they bully you would be like giving secrets to the enemy.

To be honest and tell you what they hate about you would be like giving their power away to you, and they’ll be damned if they ever!

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. You must know in your heart that you never did anything to deserve the brutal treatment your bullies continuously dish out to you.

They are the messed up ones. They are the ones with the problem. Moreover, they are the ones who will have to answer for what they’re doing one day, either in this life or the next.

Therefore, instead of focusing your attention on trying to find out why your bullies are giving you problems, focus on self-care.

Instead of asking, “Why me?” ask, “What can I do to take care of myself?” or “What can I do to remove myself from the situation?”

Think about what options you have and weigh each of them carefully. Then quietly begin making plans to get out of there as soon and as safely as possible.

2. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t give them any apology. Ever!

For anything!

Why? Because bullies will only see your apologies as weakness. And you can never appease a bully. Realize that when you apologize to a bully, you’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t your fault.

And when you give bullies apologies that are undeserved, you take accountability for their deplorable behavior. Furthermore, you’re giving your bullies exactly what they want and they know it.

Bullies and abusers will try to force you to apologize for something you know isn’t your fault. In other words, they’ll try to make you sorry for things that are beyond your control.

Moreover, they’ll even try and make you apologize for something that doesn’t need an apology. Therefore, respond but don’t apologize.

In other words, don’t say, “I’m sorry,” or “I apologize.”

Here are ways you can respond to bullies who pull this crap. And these are very powerful responses. When you use these, you respond to these bullies without accepting blame. You also respond with strength and power.

  • You’ll get over it.
  • You’ll be alright.
  • By the end of the day, this won’t even matter.
  • It’s no big deal.
  • This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Don’t explain anything to them.

When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into explaining yourself to them. This is a trap because, no matter how you much explaining you do, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.

It doesn’t matter how logical your explanation may be, bullies will only pretend that they don’t understand. They’ll only keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them.

Know that they do this on purpose.

You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to throw you off balance. Moreover, bullies want to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.

Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trick! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.

They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to bamboozle you and keep you interacting with them.

Why? Because the longer your bullies can keep you engaging with them, the more chances they have to twist the things you say. Then, they can use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you later.

Therefore, don’t explain a damn thing to them. You must realize that you don’t own them any explanations. You don’t owe them squat!

How to Deal with Bullies:

Do’s

1. Do stand up to them.

You must stand up to bullies. Never ignore them and never handle them with diplomacy or politeness.

Remember that bullies don’t respond to politeness, diplomacy, or pleasantries. They only respond to strength and power. Therefore, you must communicate to them in the only language they understand.

In other words, you must respond with strength and power! And sometimes that means being brutal!

For instance, physical bullies only understand the language of fists. So, you must be prepared to put up your fists and fight if necessary!

2. Gather your own evidence of bullying.

If you’re a victim of bullying, it’s crucial that you get evidence of it. Keep a daily journal and document the bullying, using the 5W Method.

Also, save any electronic evidence of cyberbullying. Why? Because if they bully you at school or work, they’ll probably find you online and bully you there as well.

Therefore, save any mean and threatening texts, emails, social media posts, and private messages on three or more flash drives.

Furthermore, depending on the laws in your state, you may be able to wear a body cam or record the bullying on a digital audio recorder.

And save any medical records and doctor’s reports if you ever need medical attention because of a physical bully.

3. How to Deal with Bullies:

Report the bullying to authorities.

Report the bullying to the principal, human resources, or the police. If the bullying is happening at work, fill out a grievance form. They also have bullying forms at school that you can fill out.

If all else fails, report the bullying to the police and get a restraining order. They may not do anything. However, the idea is to establish a paper trail.

And be sure to get copies of the paperwork. If there are reports on file and copies of them in your possession, you will establish evidence of a pattern of bullying.

This is a must in case you have to take it to court later.

Here’s another thing I want to mention. When you report bullying, schools and workplaces may try to assure you that they’ll do an internal investigation.

However, most of them don’t. And if they do conduct an investigation, it’s usually a sloppy one. This is why you must quietly do your own investigation.

This may require a lot of work on your part. Moreover, you may have to go through many channels. You will need patience because it will take some time.

But when you’re being bullied, you can’t afford to be lazy. Be proactive. Gather your own evidence. Be your own detective. I guarantee you that it will be worth it in the long run!

In Closing:

There are right and wrong ways to handle bullies. However, if you do everything right, you can overcome bullying. And you can emerge a winner!

This post was all about how to deal with bullies so that you can know what to do and what not to do when you encounter bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Saying Sorry Too Much: 4 Reasons You Do and How to Stop It

3. The Explaining Trap: 3 Reasons Bullies Set It and How to Respond

Bullies Eat Their Own: 3 Reasons Bullies Bully within Their Group

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Would you believe that bullies usually eat their own? ‘Want to know why? Here are all the details you need to know about.

bullies eat their own

This happens at school and in the workplace. When there’s are no targets available to degrade and dehumanize, bullies will begin turning on one of their own in the peer group.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies eat their own so that you can use it to your advantage.

Once you learn all about this strange phenomenon, you will be more knowledgeable about the mentality of bullies. Also, you will find a way to use it to your advantage.

This post is all about why bullies eat their own so that you can have more knowledge about the mindsets of bullies.

Bullies Eat Their Own

Understand that even the inner circle of the clique has a pecking order. Every clique has a leader, second in command, third and so forth (depending on how many members in the group), all the way down to the bottom rat.

Therefore, if you aren’t available, the members of the clique will turn on that bottom rat and they will be the target of the day.

And if it so happens that the bottom rat’s not available either, then the poor sucker on the second rung up is the one who will catch hell. And so on.

Crap always rolls downhill and lands on whoever is unfortunate enough to be in the basement. Moreover, what was really scandalous is that sometimes, the typical victim didn’t have to be unavailable.

If you pay attention, you can stand back and watched a lot of back-biting between the members of the bully cliques. You’ll notice that a few may go out with the other friends’ boyfriends or girlfriends behind their backs.

You’ll then notice how they smile in their faces at school or work the following Monday. However, stay out of it. Let them backstab each other all they want.

It’s their business and you know that any sane person would no part of such strange, twisted, and dysfunctional friendships.

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Sometimes, not being a part of “the clique” is a blessing!

You should consider yourself damn lucky not to be in with the cool crowd!

Why? Because, with them it’s back to back ego trips. While most targets, followers, and wannabes consider it a curse, you should consider it a blessing.

You can deal with not being in the in-crowd, that’s fine and dandy. The only thing you should have an issue with is when none of those creeps will leave you alone.

When they won’t go on about their business, and get a life, you should realize that it’s because of their own issues.

Bullying is all about power!

Remember that bullies must always have a victim. In other words, they must have someone to abuse.

Bullies need a person to look down on, to dump on, and to tell what to do and ride roughshod over. Therefore, if their usual targets aren’t available on any given day, the bullies at the top will turn on the lowest members of their own group and continue demeaning them until their regular targets return.

This is yet another reason why you should never accept being in one of the in-cliques. Must you be in one to feel validated? No.

You’re just as awesome without them. You’re also freer! Because if you’re not in a clique, you don’t have to live up to anyone’s unwritten rules or standards. Therefore, you’re free to be yourself and do your own thing. And there is nothing better!

Why Bullies Eat Their Own

Bullies can’t live without a power rush. Therefore, again, they want to have a target or a victim. In fact, they need targets. To feel almighty and powerful, bullies must have people to dominate and subjugate.

And having power over is extremely addictive to them. It’s like a drug. It’s why bullies repeatedly bully their targets over a a long period of time, years even.

Because that “drug” wears off rather quickly and it won’t be long before your bullies come back for their next “fix.”

However, what happens when you finally realize who your bullies really are behind the tough facades they put up? What happens when the masks fall off, and your bullies’ cowardice and insecurity come to light?

Oooo! This is beginning to sound delicious, isn’t it?

Here’s what happens. Once you see the real people behind the masks, your confidence will get a big boost. You’ll realize that you aren’t and never were the one with the issues.

In this, you will find that it was the bullies who had the issues all along. Then, you will finally have the courage to give the bullies the old proverbial middle finger and tell them all to go eat a fat one.

The Sudden Power Shift

Moreover, the power dynamic will take a sudden shift and the scales will automatically tip in your favor. In other words, you will no longer be a victim. Remember that the best way to dis-empower bullies is to empower yourself.

Because, once you stop being a victim, bullies no longer have power over you. Therefore, they must go search for another victim.

When these bullies spot several potential victims, they’ll test the waters by performing several tests on these “potentials.” They will test these potential targets by watching them closely and launching subtle attacks and insults just to see how they react.

However, what will the bullies do next, when things don’t go quite the way they expect? What happens when their potentials also give them the double middle finger?

Uh-oh, now they can’t find someone they can target! Curses! Now, what’s a poor bully to do? Simple. They begin eating their own. In other words, they turn on a member of their in-group.

That’s right! Once the bullying in-group runs out of targets on the outside, they have no choice but to turn their bullying inward and start bullying people within their group.

Remember that bullies need a target victim. They need someone to dominate and subjugate to have power because they can’t get power any other way.

Without someone to ride roughshod over, to tell what to do, and to exert control over, bullies feel powerless. And you know what? They are!

Bullies Eat Their Own:

Here are 3 reasons bullies bully within their in-group.

1. Power Struggle.

Bullies will fight like hell to be on top. And if that means bullying members of their own group to do it, don’t think they won’t.

It’s human nature. Everybody wants to be on top. And if they can’t, they’ll do everything they can to stay off the bottom.

Therefore, the top two or three bullies may do things to each other to get on top. Or they may take turns bullying the bottom rats to compete with one another on who’s the toughest.

2. Their primary victim isn’t available.

When their usual victim is no longer available, bullies must search far and wide to find a replacement. In other words, when a victim finally leaves the toxic environment, it puts bullies right back to square one.

Therefore, again, they must find someone else to be their victim. And if they can’t find one, they’ll turn on one of the members of their in-group.

Understand that once a victim leaves, the bullies’ power goes with them. Without power, bullies don’t know what to do with themselves.

Here’s another thing to note. Bullies often become very angry when their target victim transfers or moves away. Why? You may wonder.

Again, it’s because they lose power over you. Understand that, bullies have a sick, twisted obsession with their victims. Therefore, if bullies have grown comfortable with jerking you around and you up and leave, the game is over. They lose power over you.

You’re out of their reach and they can’t handle it.

It’s why abusive partners won’t let their victims leave. Once the abused partner is gone, so is the power the abuser had over them. It’s the same with bullies.

And it’s the reason the thought of you leaving terrifies them.

3. Bullies Eat Their Own:

The victim pool is sparse or has shrunken.

I’ve said it many times before. Bullies don’t only want victims. They need them! Therefore, if the victim pool is non-existent, they will create victims for themselves. And this usually requires that they select someone in their friend group.

Once the selected victim leaves, it basically turns the entire environment on it’s ear. People will begin turning on each other and there will be a lot of in-fighting.

So, see this for what it is. Bullying is an obsession. It’s all about having power over someone else.

This post is all about the reasons bullies eat their own to give you another reason to feel good if you’re a victim of bullying and finally decide to get the hell out of dodge.

1. What Do Bullies Fear Most? 10 Things that Terrify Bullies

2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships

3. How to Deal with Physical Bullies

Encouraging Words for Bullying: You Can Overcome!

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If you’re being bullied, I want to give you some encouraging words for bullying. Also, you need to know why you deserve better and why the bullying isn’t your fault. Here are some truths you need to hear so that you can feel better and stronger.

encouraging words for bullying

When people target you for bullying, you hear mostly destructive and negative words.

Therefore, in this post, you will find encouraging words for bullying so that you can finally see yourself for the wonderful human being you are. Moreover, you’ll realize that the bullying you suffer won’t last forever and there will come a day when you won’t even have to see your bullies’ faces anymore.

Once you learn all about these exciting probabilities, you will feel so much better. Also, you will look forward to a future with true friends who love you for you.

This post will give you encouraging words for bullying that you suffer. Moreover, it will remind you that you, as much as anyone else, deserve happiness and fulfillment. Lastly, it will assure you that what you’re going through is only temporary and that brighter days are ahead of you.

Encouraging Words for Bullying

People may bully you now but they won’t always. Although the bullying is intense- even unbearable, the struggle is only temporary.

I know what you’re going through because I’ve been there. You want to speak and be heard, but you’re only told to shut up by your classmates or coworkers.

You want to just live in peace. However, no one will let you. They only threaten physical harm, further degradation and humiliation.

School staff may threaten suspension or expulsion. HR at work may threaten to terminate you. Your supervisor may also threaten you with the loss of your job and livelihood.

Moreover, others may sabotage your opportunities! I know all too well the desire to move forward and go places, only for bullies to hold you back.

You only want to escape the torment. However, you’re stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! I know the horror of knowing that others curse your very existence and bombard you with death threats.

I know what it feels like to have others force you to sacrifice your own needs and wants for their own satisfaction! And to see others getting gratification and entertainment- all at your expense.

Also, I know what it’s like to be marginalized, shut out and devalued as a person. Additionally, I know what it’s like to even be slapped, kicked, beaten, scorned, disregarded, walked on!

Bullies Don’t only want to hurt you. They want to destroy you!

It is a feeling of being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, throws it into reverse, and backs over you again. The driver shifts back into drive and mows over you- yet again.

He then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out, and asks, “Are you dead yet?”
And any signs of life- any whimper or movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and back over you again.

Therefore, he just keeps running and backing over you until you finally succumb to the trauma and die.

Yes. This is akin to what targets of bullying endure. Bullies want to destroy you, and it seems that they won’t relent until they are sure that they have done just that.

But know this. You will not have to deal with these people forever, and Karma does repay- in spades! If you keep believing in yourself, you will become successful and happy.

And when you finally get there, your bullies won’t even matter to you.

Encouraging Words for Bullying:

Know that You CAN Overcome Bullying!

You are beautiful! Smart! Awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people who will see your worth and love you. Even better, they will love you unconditionally- just for being YOU!

You will find a teacher, school, supervisor, or employer who will see the good you bring to the table. And these people will view you as the asset you truly are!
Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for!

There is Life After Bullying

People may bully you now. They may taunt you, call you ugly names and physically beat you. They may humiliate you, and turn others against you. Those around you may make you feel sad, alone, unattractive, and rejected in the present.

But rest assured, it won’t always be this way.

Take it from someone who has been there. I had no friends in middle school nor high school until I finally transferred to my new high school during my senior year.

Once I left *Oakley High School and began attending *Roseburg High School, that’s when life began. And I took back my power and started rebuilding every part of me that my bullies from the old school had torn down.

Leaving Oakley was the free feeling you get after walking away from a toxic and abusive boyfriend.

Encouraging Words for Bullying:

As an adult, my confidence and self-esteem blossomed.

Today, I’m a very happy adult woman and have so much to be thankful for. I have a family of my own. I enjoy my job and am comfortable in my own skin. I’ve accomplished more than I thought I ever would.

I also have grown to love myself- imperfections and all.

I don’t worry about what others think of me, and I permit myself to be me and to say no when I don’t want to get involved in or do something that doesn’t feel right to me.

These are freedoms that I will never again give up. Not without one hell of a fight!

Therefore, don’t Give Up! There’s beauty on the other side of bullying
I want you to know that the bullying you’re subjected to now will not last. And there’s a beautiful life waiting for you once it’s over.

So, whatever you do, don’t give up! Stay your course, and keep fighting. Hold on to your faith and your dignity with everything you have.

It may not seem like it now, but the best is yet to come, and the right people will find you.
Today, I’m surrounded by family and friends who love and accept me for me.

Moreover, I have friends I never have to explain anything to and who love my flaws and quirks along with my good qualities. I’m so secure with being myself that I can make fun of myself and have a good time doing it.

I’m relaxed, worry-free, and best of all, safe! I’ve found my group, and you will find yours. And once you find them, they’ll be well worth the wait!

You’re worth fighting and living for. Don’t give up now. Stick around! It gets better! Much better!

Encouraging Words for Bullying:

8 Things You Must Always Remember If You’re a Target of Bullying

1. It’s Not your fault.

Realize that you can never control someone else’s behavior. People have their own minds and they will do what they want. Therefore, you’re not responsible for anyone else’s actions but your own.

Don’t let your bullies blame you for their bad behavior!

2. There is nothing wrong with you.

Understand that the issue isn’t with you. It’s them. Anyone who sets out to harm someone else always has the problem.

Also, no one is perfect. We all have flaws and quirks. Therefore, embrace yours. Never allow bullies to make you feel bad over an imperfection.

If it’s something that you can change and that you want to change, then change it. However, if you can’t, then accept and embrace it.

3. You don’t have the issue. Your bullies do.

Again, you don’t have the problem. Your bullies do. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be so hell bent on hurting and destroying another human being.

4. Encouraging Words for Bullying:

It’s not about you. It’s about them.

In other words, bullying comes from self-servitude. Bullies bully to hide their own insecurities and keep up an image.

So, it’s about them. They’re only trying to make it about you.

5. You have value.

Everyone has value, even you. Realize that you’re just as good as the next person. You are beautiful just the way you are.

And you’re worthy of love and friendship. There will come a day when the right people come along and they will love you for you.

The things your bullies bully you for now will be the things people love you for later! Even now, you still have people who love you and believe in you.

6. You are stronger and braver than your bullies ever will be.

Bullies are cowards. The reason they bully you is to make themselves look bigger and better than you. Also, they do it to hide their own weaknesses.

Therefore, you are much stronger and braver than your bullies ever will be. Why? Because you don’t have to resort to such meanness. And that alone makes it so.

Keep being your awesome self!

7. You’re more powerful than you realize

You can do a lot more than you think you can. Moreover, you’re much smarter than they give you credit for. Realize that you’re a threat to your bullies’ power.

Also, know that most bullying comes from jealousy, fear, or insecurity. And the best are usually treated the worst.

Therefore, know that you’re here for a great purpose!

8. Life always gets better.

It may not seem like it at present, but life will eventually get better. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Therefore, please hold on. The best is yet to come!

The purpose of this post was to give you encouraging words for bullying you suffer. stay in the fight. don’t throw in the towel just yet! you never know what the future will bring.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

mobbing in the workplace

Mobbing in the Workplace: How it Progresses, Step-by-Step

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‘Want to know how mobbing in the workplace progresses step by step? Here are all the dirty but tiny details you need to know.

mobbing in the workplace

In this post, you will learn all about mobbing in the workplace. Also, you will learn how it begins and how it progresses, step by tiny step, in chronological order so that you’ll know what to expect if it ever happens to you.

Once you learn all the small details, you will be better able to predict it and, more importantly, outflank workplace bullies when they come for you.

This post is all about mobbing in the workplace so that you’ll be better prepared when workplace bullies set their sights on you.

Mobbing in the workplace

What is Mobbing?

Mobbing is extreme bullying by large groups. It can involve an entire school, workplace, or community.

The mob often acts under the influence of a ringleader or someone in a position of power. Mobbing almost always happens out of retaliation. Maybe the target became fed-up with being bullied and finally spoke out. Maybe they did something about it.

However, most people resort to mobbing when they’re pissed off at someone and want to teach them a lesson.

Mobbing has other names as well. People often refer to it as collective bullying.

Remember that bullies and their followers expect the target to stay quiet about the abuse. They may even demand that he bow down to and submit to it.

And when a targeted individual stands up to the bullies, they’ll punish them by working everyone else into a mob.

Chronic Bullying is Mobbing

Bullying becomes Chronic when the bullying has gone on over time. Moreover, once bullies repeat the behavior for any length of time,  it escalates to a dangerous level. It doesn’t take long for bullying to reach epic proportions.

After a while, bullies grow so comfortable with bullying you that they skyrocket the torment. Moreover, they pursue you obsessively and non-stop.

When there’s chronic bullying, there’s usually no accountability. And where there’s no accountability, there’s no incentive to stop.

Authorities refuse to address the bullies’ behavior. Then, the bullies become brazen and cocky. Therefore, their actions grow in strength, frequency, and level of cruelty.

Also, the bullies’ apathy toward you grows to a point where they lose all empathy. Consequently, they come to feel nothing but blind hatred and fury toward you.

Bullies and bystanders take the attitude that anything they do to you, no matter how cruel or dangerous, is good. Why? Because, to them, you have no value, and your life is worth nothing.

Bullying at work usually happens at the behest of a bully in power.

Bullies in power usually have followers and minions backing them up. Moreover, they enlist these human worker bees to do their dirty work.

Bullying becomes mobbing when an entire group unites to mob one person. And the bullying becomes so significant, so ingrained, and so severe that it seemingly takes on a life of its own.

Therefore, there’s no stopping it at this stage.

Members of the bullying group become drunk on their own power. Furthermore, bullying and tormenting you is all they can focus on.

Instead of the bullies controlling their evil emotions and actions, their feelings and actions begin to control them! Your bullies are so blinded by senseless rage that their very hatred controls their every move.

Mobbing in the Workplace:

When Bullying Morphs into Mobbing

They have become so addicted to power and control that they must constantly bully you to get their fix. It’s the only way they can maintain the high that this power gives them.

Understand that when bullying becomes mobbing, bullies don’t see you as a human being. They see you as so worthless and inferior that, you don’t deserve oxygen, much less any respect.

This is why mobbing is dangerous. Because, if you’re a victim of it, you the chance of either dying by suicide or murder. Yes, bullies do murder their victims.

This is why it’s so important to get out of the environment any time you suffer mobbing. Transfer to another school. Go to work for another company, or move to another area.

Never stay in an environment that hates you. It isn’t worth the cost to your mental health! The only way you’ll ever find peace is to leave without telling anyone. Only then will you be safe and have peace of mind.

Here’s a description of mobbing:

A large group of people (or mob) targets you because you opened your mouth about their abuse. Slowly, over time, they become increasingly aggressive.

Also, the number of attackers grows until they strip you of every ounce of power and completely isolate you.

Group aggression, or collective bullying, serves to reinforce a shared negative view of you. Moreover, this happens regardless of your prior value or reputation.

Vicious gossip about you circulates throughout the environment. People stick destructive labels to you and throw damaging accusations at you until they completely isolate you.

The mob will expand to include several teachers and school staff if you’re a victim of mobbing at school. Also, managers and supervisors may join the mob if you’re a target at work.

Bullies may even encourage people who are mostly peaceful and kind to join in. In other words, those who normally treat others with kindness may hate you.

Again, a bully in power directs them to gossip about you. Moreover, they instruct them to bully and abuse you.

Therefore, even the sweetest, most compassionate people can suddenly become brutal and nasty.

Peer pressure and group behavior have truckloads of influence!

Mobbing in the Workplace:

One by one, people you thought were friends begin turning on you.

And, one by one, the entire student body, workplace, or community turns their backs on you. They start slandering you. Moreover, they begin accusing you of one infraction after another.

In most cases, the people who are generally good, kind people won’t see themselves as participants of mobbing. No.

They’ll only think of themselves as defenders against an evil enemy. Therefore, they view their atrocious behavior as justified. To them, the nasty behavior is necessary.

Why? Because to know themselves as bullying participants goes against their sense of decency.

Even Sweet and Kind People Act Differently in a Group.

Always! They will be totally different people because they feel they must conform. They’ll be so different that you’ll no longer recognize them.

In fact, people who are normally sweet and kind are exponentially meaner than those who were already bullies to begin with. Why? Because they feel they have something to prove to the group.

Again, once bullying escalates to mobbing, it’s nearly impossible to stop.

The reason mobbing damages you the most is because of the support you lose so quickly. As more and more people jump on the hate bandwagon, you become radioactive.

Therefore, before long, everyone avoids you. Moreover, they continue blaming you for any tiny thing that goes wrong. Even things you couldn’t possibly have any control over.

In other words, they close ranks, thereby eliminating any help or escape from the abuse.

Sadly, there isn’t much you can do once the violence has escalated to this point.

Mobbing in the Workplace:

Step-by-Step Description of Mobbing in Progress

I can’t stress this enough. Mobbing is THE severest form of bullying. Once the bullying reaches the stage of mobbing, this is when the bullying becomes life-threatening! And if you ever a target of it, you’ll know firsthand how destructive it is.

This is how mobbing starts.

A bully or small group of bullies start a successful smear campaign. Mind you, these bullies are in positions of power. Moreover, they’re well-practiced in the arts of persuasion and influence.

Here’s something I want you to realize. A smear campaign is nowhere near as tricky as it looks. You’d be amazed at just how simple it is to smear someone. It’s so easy that it shouldn’t be so effective, but it is!

To quote the old Geico commercial, it’s “so easy; a caveman can do it.”

Here’s a chronological, step-by-step recap of how bullies do it and succeed at it:

1. The bullies Spot a specific individual who refuses to conform to their standard of who she should be.

Let’s call her “Cindy.”

Before, the bullies could influence everyone else and get them to submit to their every whim. Then, low and behold, along comes Cindy, who’s stubborn. She subtly resists the bullies’ control and doesn’t allow them to change her personality.

Moreover, Cindy doesn’t realize their motives. She doesn’t know that, just by doing her thing, she’s enraging the bullies.

Therefore, she goes on about her business and makes plans for her future. She accomplishes achievement after achievement.

Maybe she gets loads of positive attention and praise from others because she’s so successful and well-liked.

2. Mobbing in the Workplace:

Next, the bullies begin to smear Cindy.

To implement their smear campaign, they watch Cindy closely. They studying her behavior and the way she reacts and responds to stimuli. And they continue to watch her until they can anticipate her reactions.

3. The bullies then train their audience to expect a certain behavior out of Cindy.

They point out those behaviors when they occur. The bullies then associate Cindy’s completely innocent behavior with something bad or evil.

For example, let’s say that Cindy is sweet, playful, and likes to engage in a little banter. The bullies watch as Cindy banters with people.

She playfully calls someone a “dummy” or a “goofball.” However, others know that it’s all for harmless jokes. Therefore, they think it’s funny because Cindy is a genuinely kind person.

4. Next, the bullies begin making offhand comments.

They remark that Cindy’s kindness is only an attempt to kiss ass because she wants something from people. The bullies tell others that Cindy thinks they really are dummies. She only covers it under a veil of fun jokes and playfulness.

The bullies also make statements that Cindy thinks she’s cute. They also accuse her of thinking she’s smarter than everyone else.

5. The Bullies Then Repeat them.

And they repeat the same lies over and over again. To quote Josef Goebbels, “Tell a lie once, and it remains a lie. Tell a lie a thousand times, and it becomes the truth.”

 The next time others see Cindy being kind to and playfully bantering with someone, she doesn’t look so cute. Moreover, the banter isn’t so funny anymore.

Now people begin to see a side of Cindy they can’t believe they never noticed before.

6. Feeling smug, the bullies look at themselves, then at Cindy with smirks on their crooked faces and try the same thing all over again.

Therefore, they continue repeating the same lies again and again.

Before you know it, everyone wonders what they ever saw in Cindy, to begin with. Soon, they start having negative feelings toward the poor girl.

7. Cindy picks up on the negative vibes and begins to withdraw.

She doesn’t understand what she did for others to begin treating her so coldly. Therefore, she doesn’t speak to people like she did before. And why should she?

People have begun turning on her. Therefore, Cindy isn’t going to put herself in a situation to be rejected.

8. The bullies then notice that Cindy is growing distant.

They make sure to point this out to everyone. Moreover, they use Cindy’s distance as confirmation that she really does think less of everyone at work.

“Hey, look! Do you see that? Now, what did we tell you? Cindy really does think we’re all dummies! She really does think she’s smarter than the rest of us!”

“And her ass-kissing didn’t work, so now she’s too good to speak to anyone!”

9. Cindy’s withdrawal only makes people resent her more.

Although she only grew distant out of self-protection, others mistake it for arrogance. Maybe they know that Cindy isn’t being smug. However, they don’t want to believe it. They only want to believe the running narrative.

10. Things only snowball from there.

Understand that people are human, and they make mistakes. They misjudge innocent others all the time.

A smear campaign is most effective when bullies can condition a group to see any quality in you as a bad thing.

Therefore, people can become extremely cold and cruel to you. And they repeat the same cruel behavior, over and over again.

Understand that smear campaigns are effective because they quickly become bullying. Then, they escalate to mobbing.

And once it increases to mobbing, it’s unstoppable. And, sadly, the only way you can take your life back is to leave the toxic environment altogether.

This post was all about mobbing in the workplace so that you can recognize it while it’s happening and make your escape before it’s too late.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. The 4 Stages of Bullying

2. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying

preserving your personhood when bullied at school

Preserving Your Personhood when Bullied

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‘Want to know all about preserving your personhood when bullied? Here are all the ways you can keep your humanity intact when people bully you.

preserving your personhood when bullied

Being bullied and being stuck with unnecessary labels can very easily cause a person to self-doubt. It causes one not to believe in themselves and in their own abilities.

Moreover, it can also enable that person to trust their own innate intuition if they let it. It blinds you to people who are true. And it completely zaps your sense of who’s for real and who’s fake. Therefore, it causes the loss of ability to avoid dangerous people.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the importance of preserving your personhood when being bullied.

Once you know all about this important information, you will be better able to guard your mental health against bullying so that you can come through it as strong as possible.

This post is all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can come through it with as little damage as possible.

Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied

Bullying is a form of brainwashing. It is repeated, repetitious, and occurs over a long period of time. Moreover, it reprograms your mind and convinces you that you’re nothing.

 It eventually blinds you to your own worth as a person and to your own beauty. Also, it blinds you to your own intelligence.

It zaps you of your trust in your own abilities and decisions. You fear that anything you say and do will be wrong. Therefore, you keep your talents and gifts hidden from the world because you fear ridicule.

Self-doubt keeps you paralyzed. You hide your true, awesome self. However, by trying to hide your authenticity from others, you unwittingly push yourself down and make foolish decisions.

Therefore, you must avoid this at all costs.

Here’s how you keep your personhood when people bullying you.

1. Stop Caring what people think of you.

Here are questions you need to ponder. Does it really matter what these creeps think of you? Have any of them reached your level? Do their opinions matter? Who are they that you should care what they think? Do their opinions have any bearing on your life?

They probably don’t. So, stop caring about their opinion of you. Opinions are a dime a dozen and they don’t matter. Moreover, your bullies don’t know you on a personal level.

The weight you give to anyone’s opinion should always depend on who holds it and and the relationship you have with them. In other words, the value you give their opinion depends on who they are and how close you are to them.

Therefore, realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. Anything they say to or about you means squat.

In order for someone to offend you must first value their opinions. And that means, you must first value them. Stop giving your bullies value they haven’t earned!

Realize that your bullies’ hatred only came from a place of ignorance and stupidity. Or, it could stem from bitterness, jealousy or insecurity.

Therefore, take it with a grain of salt. Only value the opinions of God and your closest family members and friends.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. And ultimately, you stop giving them power.

2. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Be Yourself.

Continue to be yourself. No matter how others may treat you, always take steps to keep your authenticity.

If you have any talents or gifts, display them with pride. Do things that you enjoy and spend extra time with those who love you and lift you up.

You will be surprised at how great you will feel about yourself. Therefore, bullying will have less of an impact on your self-esteem.

Never lose yourself because of a bully.

3. Have the courage to be disliked.

In other words, do your thing even when others don’t like it. Again, be yourself and stand up for your beliefs and convictions.

Have your own preferences and make your own choices. Do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

When people bully and ridicule you, this is the time to double down in being proud of who you are.

4. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Love yourself even when others hate you.

No matter how viciously others may treat you, it’s imperative that you do everything possible to hold on to self-love. Why? Because loving yourself is the most important thing you can ever do for yourself.

You must command respect and love from others. Sometimes, this means having the courage to make difficult decisions. The decision to get rid of toxic people, even those you care about isn’t easy.

Still, you must love yourself enough to know when it’s time to let go and walk away. And when you do this, you must come to a place where you no longer care even the slightest about the outcome.

You must love yourself before anyone else can love you. Therefore, give yourself compassion and self-care when others mistreat you.

5. Re-Frame Every Insult Your Bullies Throw At You.

For instance, you’re painfully shy and quiet and bullies mistake those characteristics for fear. You can use your silence to be a good listener when someone needs to talk.

Therefore, see it for the gift that it is. It may gain you close friends because the other person will feel that they’re being listened to. Moreover, they’re sense that you care about them. And when you take an interest in someone and in how they feel, who doesn’t love that!

Here’s another example. You have a small mole that bullies make fun of. Remember that Marilyn Monroe also had a mole just above her upper lip. But her mole was referred to as a beauty mark. Therefore, it ended up being her trademark.

This is how you re-frame people’s insults. You turn them around and mold them into compliments.

6. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Stand up to Bullies.

You may be afraid to stand up to your bullies and that’s completely natural. Anytime you stand up to bullies, you’re taking a risk.

However, it’s often worth the risk in the end. If your bullies keep coming for you, you mustn’t back down. Unless they have a deadly weapon, keep fighting and fighting hard. Realize that no one has the right to abuse you.

Know that you deserve to be safe and to live in peace. And when bullies try to disrupt your peace, you have every right to stand up to them and defend yourself.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. Therefore, don’t wait for someone to come rescue you because, chances are, it won’t happen. It’s up to you to take a stand. Your life is your responsibility. That means that standing up to bullies is your responsibility.

Continue to stand up for yourself, because you, as much as anyone else, deserve to live in peace.

7. Guard your self-esteem.

This means refusing to allow your bullies to turn you against yourself. No matter what other people may think of you, you are the only one who knows who you truly are.

Bullies are known for spinning smear campaigns to turn others against you. Why? Because it’s the only way they can make their lies and accusations seem valid.

However, no matter how convincing the bullies may be. No matter how many people believe the lies and rumors, it doesn’t mean the talk is true.

Only you can judge who you really are, nobody else can. I know it’s difficult not to question yourself when it seems that others hate you.

Anyone who finds themselves in this situation would ask themselves, “What did I do?” or “What did I say?” It’s only a natural human reaction to being ostracized.

Therefore, it’s difficult not to blame yourself.

But please, for your own self-esteem, do not blame yourself. Remember that the problem lies with the bullies, not with you. You are not responsible for what is happening to you.

 Hold on to your sense of self and guard your self-esteem with your life!

8. Preserving Your Personhood When Bullied:

Set Your Boundaries.

Setting boundaries is your responsibility. No one else will do it for you. Therefore, you must set boundaries any time someone steps over them.

I understand that it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things to do. Especially after people have bullied you for so long.

They may have brainwashed you into thinking that you’re to blame for their brutish behavior. Your bullies may have even conditioned you to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over you. Or, you may even fear for your physical safety.

However, at some point, you will have to make a choice. You either stand up and defend yourself or you keep taking it and spend your entire life with people jerking you around.

Setting boundaries means saying no when a bully demands that you do something you don’t want to do. It also means calling out someone who tries to abuse you.

Always set your boundaries. It may or may not change the person’ s behavior. But you’ll feel good just knowing that you didn’t just take it lying down.

9. Enforce Your Boundaries.

Boundaries mean nothing unless you enforce them.

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

Sometimes, you must fight back if people insist on harming you. Don’t be afraid to do so. Your self-esteem will thank you later.

Also, you’ll preserve your personhood and your individuality, in the process.

THis post was all about preserving your personhood when bullied so that you can not only survive bullying but overcome it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Loving Yourself in an Environment that Hates You

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Be Happy, Be Yourself

having the courage to be disliked reddit

Having the Courage to be Disliked: 7 Reasons to be Okay with It

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‘Want to know the importance of having the courage to be disliked? Here’s why it’s important and why it’s a part of standing up for what’s right and for your rights.

having the courage to be disliked

Many victims of bullying lose lots of friends because of the bullying they suffer. Many of them begin bending themselves into a pretzel just to get people to like them. This only further alienates them from others.

Therefore, in this post you will learn why having the courage to be disliked is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be okay with it when people dislike you. Moreover, you will be more choosy of the people you allow into your life.

This post is all about the courage to be disliked so that you can feel better about yourself even when a few others don’t like you.

Having the courage to be disliked

Being disliked is not the end of the world. Life is not a popularity contest and there will be those who just don’t like you. And that’s okay.

Here are all the reasons you should be okay with people not liking you.

1. Like is Subjective. Not Everyone You Meet is Going to Like You

Not everyone is going to like you. Some may even hate you. But remember this! It’s their problem, not yours.

And this goes no matter who you are. Even famous people have others who dislike them. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how talented or famous you are. An estimated 10-35% of the people you know will not like you.

Nevertheless, you must always stay true to yourself. Stay true to your beliefs, and convictions. Moreover, continue to use your God-given talents to the best of your ability. Be the best you can be.

 And know that if you don’t have enemies, then you’re doing something wrong.

Again, celebrities, politicians, and athletes have people who dislike them. This alone should be proof that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

So, feel good about yourself. Embrace all your flaws. Appreciate the people who love you. Let love in and let yourself shine!

Having the Courage to Be Disliked:

2. Opinions are like elbows.

Opinions are pinions. Nothing more. And they’re a dime a dozen. Therefore, don’t let other people’s negative opinions get under your skin. If you do, you’ll only allow their opinions to control you. As a result, you’ll only give them your power.

But once you finally begin seeing your worth, you’ll realize that you’re better off without those people. Therefore, ask yourself these questions:

  • “Have any of these people even reached my level?”
  • “Do their opinions even matter?
  • “Who are they that I should even care?”

They don’t know you on a personal level. Moreover, they aren’t your family nor your closest friends. Therefore, the weight you give to any opinion should depend on who holds it and the relationship you have with them.

If you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions are relevant. Moreover, their words mean nothing.

In order to be offended by what another person thinks, you must first value their opinions. And that means, you must first value them.

3. The Value you Give to someone’s Opinion Depends on Who they Are and how close you are to them.

Realize that some people’s dislike or hatred only comes from a place of ignorance. Or, it may stem from bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity.

Therefore, take it with a grain of salt. Only value the opinions of those who know you. That means, those of God and your closest family members and friends.

Again, to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. And for someone to piss you off or hurt your feelings, you must value them to some degree. I can’t stress this enough.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving your bullies the value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them your power.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Also, have your own preferences and make your own choices. Do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

4. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

No two people are the same.

Stop worrying about who does or doesn’t like you.

No two people have the exact likes, dislikes, tastes, or opinions. Therefore, their dislike bears no reflection on you. We all move in different circles and directions.

It’s just how life works and how we’re all made.

Continue to love and embrace yourself as the person God created you to be. Continue to enjoy the friends and loved ones you do have and never mind the people you don’t have. They aren’t important.

Embrace your differences because no two people are the same. Accept every flaw and quirk you have. Above all, accept no one’s ignorant, cookie-cutter version of what you should be.

Moreover, imagine how utterly and downright boring life would be if we were all the same. Imagine a world full of white people, black people, or Hispanics. Or a world full of people with blonde hair and blue eyes or dark hair and dark eyes!

It would be like living in a town where all diners were pizza parlors and served pizza but nothing else. Yuck! I love pizza, but I wouldn’t want to eat that every day!

Therefore, love being different. Know that there are people who love you and are begging to spend time with you. And above all else, know that God loves you.

5. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

They Do Not Define you.

Bullies may think they know you and they may attempt to define who you are. But only you know the definition of who you are. By trying to tell you who you are, your bullies attempt to force you to replace your definition of yourself with theirs.

Moreover, they try to play God.

Also, your bullies also want to force you to deny your beliefs and convictions. In that they try to convince you to deny yourself.

They want you to think that what they did to you was all in your mind. Your bullies want you to live in a world of make-believe.

However, understand that to accept someone else’s definition of you, you must first discard your own. When you allow bullies to dictate your inner reality, you lose bits and pieces of yourself.

Also, little by little, you lose the awareness of your emotions each time we allow them to do it. Then, eventually you grow numb.

Some Things are off-Limits!

For example, when you cry about a legitimate hurt that cuts you to the core, bullies will often invalidate the pain you feel by replacing it with their perceptions of it.

They do it by making these biting statements.

  • “It isn’t that serious!”
  • “You’re too sensitive!”
  • “Oh, boo-friggin-hoo! You’re just a little cry baby trying to get attention!”
  • “Grow up!”
  • “Put your big-girl panties on!”
  • “Get over it!”

Understand that when you feel sadness, you feel sadness. When you’re angry, you’re angry. Therefore, you should allow yourself to feel those emotions. No one has a right to tell you how to feel. Ever!

6. Having the Courage to be Disliked:

No one can tell you how to feel.

In making these types of statements and accusations, bullies cause many victims to feel guilty for being a person. However, realize that bullies don’t see you as a person.

In other words, they don’t consider you as a human being with thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and convictions of your own. They see you as an abject – a robot they can control.

Bullies don’t see you as an independent and separate being. They see you as a subject who’s only here for their purpose, pleasure, and entertainment.

Therefore, in their minds, your sole purpose on earth is to make them feel powerful. Nothing more. So, instead of allowing you to own your truth, bullies will tell you what your truth should be. And they’ll force-feed it to you by cramming it down your throat.

Therefore, this is the kind of response you should expect from bullies.

7. You have a right to be your own person.

If you’re not careful, you’ll allow their statements to overtake you. In that, you’ll allow their perceptions to replace yours.

You’ll begin to see yourself through their eyes. And you’ll slowly lose sight of yourself until you don’t know who you are anymore.

Even worse, you’ll lose your intuition in bits and pieces. Eventually you won’t know when to protect yourself, because you’ll grow numb to the abuse.

Realize that this is how bullies and abusers train you not to defend yourself. And once they do, they then have you right where they want you.

This is how bullies slowly brainwash you to accept bigger abuses.

Having the Courage to be Disliked:

Never allow your bullies to destroy what matters.

Understand that you must muster the strength to withstand your bullies’ attacks. Do all you can to maintain your sense of self and refuse to accept your bullies’ definitions of you.

Never allow others to trick you into believing that they know you better than you know yourself. The truth is that you know yourself better than anyone else in the entire world.

Why? Because you’re the only one other than God who lives inside you.

However, realize that bullies are persistent. Therefore, you must maintain clarity of who you are. Your beliefs, convictions, likes, dislikes, preferences, authenticity, autonomy, and your ability to decide when something doesn’t feel good all add up to equal your truth.

Your self-definition, sense of self, self-belief, autonomy, confidence, self-esteem are like precious gems. Therefore, you must guard them against thieves who wish to take them.

And you do it by refusing to accept other people’s opinions of you. You do it by realizing that you don’t need everyone to like you. So, hold onto your self-respect.

This post was all about having the courage to be disliked so that you can maintain your confidence and save your self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

2. Benefits of Self-Respect: 18 Good Results of Treating Yourself Well

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

the importance of forgiveness in recovery

The Importance of Forgiveness

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‘Want to know the importance of forgiveness? Here are all the reasons why you should forgive your bullies once you heal from bullying, and why it’s healthy to.

the importance of forgiveness

Forgiving your bullies and anyone who’s ever wronged you isn’t easy, but it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the importance of forgiveness and why it will help you to move on to a happier life.

Once you learn all about this crucial step, you will be able to more easily forgive your bullies once you heal and move on to a happier and more rewarding life.

This post is all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can finally have peace.

The importance of Forgiveness

I know, I know! I can practically hear the groans of dread and scoffs coming from a few already. To be honest, I once had the same attitude myself anytime someone advised me to forgive.  I wasn’t ready to because I hadn’t healed yet.

Therefore, if you’re one of those people, I do understand how you feel.

Sometimes, you need time to process the abuse you suffered and heal before you can forgive. Again, completely understandable!

Only you can know when you’re ready. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean that the transgression they committed against you is okay.

And it doesn’t mean that you have to buddy up with the person who wronged you. Heavens, no!However, once you’ve healed and you’re ready to forgive, it will only benefit you, not your attacker.

Here’s why it’s important to forgive.

Forgiveness is a must! It is a prerequisite for re-empowerment and happiness. It’s not about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger and hate.

Because, if you’re not careful, those raw feelings can hold you back. They can keep you stuck in a quagmire of negativity and that’s no way to live.

Therefore, this message is for targets of bullying today and for survivors of bullying. Forgive them when you’re ready.

I can tell you this! For me, the ability to forgive was like a huge weight that was lifted off of my shoulders. Once you decide to let go and move on, there’s no better feeling!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Hate keeps you trapped.

Anytime you hold on to grudges and hate for a person, that individual controls you whether you realize it or not. They may have exerted control over the years they bullied you. However, you don’t have to let them control the rest of your life.

Let me put it another way, holding onto anger and hate doesn’t hurt the person it’s aimed at. It hurts you. Because the people you hold grudges against either don’t know about it, or they don’t care.

While you’re sitting around stewing over someone who did you wrong, that person could care less. They’re going on with their lives and not giving you so much as a thought.

So, why should you allow them to take up space in your mind? Stop letting them live in your head rent-free!

Forgiveness is the only solution to this problem. It’s the only way that you will be able to take back control of your life.

If you want to be happy, successful, and live in peace, forgive the people who wronged you. It’s the only way!

You must heal before you can forgive

I understand because I’ve been there. People do things to you that is so bad that it sometimes takes years to forgive them. It’s why many people don’t go to their class reunions, company outings and even family reunions.

When someone severely wrongs you, you don’t desire to see their face. You’re just damn glad they’re out of your life and you just want to forget them.

When bullies have targeted you, it’s only natural to feel anger, resentment, and disgust toward them. Therefore, to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the pain and raw emotions.

In other words, never bury the pain. Never keep it stuffed down inside because you’re afraid to make anyone angry or uncomfortable.

Why? Because it will only fester if you do. You will only internalize everything you’ve been through.

Moreover, all that toxicity will come out sooner or later in either destructive rage or physical illness. In fact, it’s how many people suffer heart attacks and strokes.

So, take your time and feel your emotions as long as you need to. Just don’t stay in that dark place for long. Don’t set up your tent and live there!

The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness does not require reconciliation, nor does it mean you can’t speak out about the abuse.

Be open about your anger and talk to a friend, family member, or therapist. Tell them you’re pissed. Speak out about the abuse.

Whatever you do, get it out! And realize there will be people who won’t like it.

Understand that, in this world, there are people who won’t mind wiping their feet all over you. However, they get offended when you become angry about it and talk about it, or worse, tell them a thing or two!

There will be people who expect you to be okay with something they know damn good and well they wouldn’t be okay with if it were done to them.

The path to forgiving is letting it all out.

Therefore, tell those people to get lost because they don’t matter. What matters is that you care for yourself and put yourself first.

Why should you give a crap about their feelings? They never cared about yours. So, never let others make you feel guilty for speaking out and responding in kind!

Tell them how you feel and let it out. But do it constructively. Put some bass in your voice. Be firm, but don’t yell. A certain amount of cursing is expected when you’re pushed too far.

But don’t drop any F-bombs. Raise your voice if you need to, but don’t scream and yell. Screaming and yelling will only incite toxic people to push your buttons to see you react. Then they’ll go tell everyone who’ll listen that you’re “mentally unstable.”

So, go somewhere private and cry if you need to. Crying doesn’t mean that you’re weak. It means that you’re a human being with feelings.

Do whatever you must do to get it off your chest. Why? Because the sooner you can process those bad feelings, the sooner you can forgive and move on to a better life.

Once you get it all out, you will heal. Then, once you heal, you will be able to forgive. As a result, you’ll find a peace you’ve never known.

Moreover, you can find outlets for it through things like writing books and blogs, music, art, and other creative works. During constructive things like these will give you closure

 The Importance of Forgiveness:

Forgiveness doesn’t mean foolishness.

In other words, it doesn’t mean you must let them back into your life. Why? Because some people will never be worthy of your trust.

Again, healthy, forgiveness doesn’t mean you think what they did to you was okay. Far from it. What it means is that you refuse to let those who transgressed against you set up camp in your mind.

It means that you refuse to hold onto grudges that may block you from your rightful blessings. In this, you make room for growth and success.

However, too may people think that forgiveness means that you must become buddy-buddy with the person. They then wonder why they keep getting hurt.

Realize that bullies only see forgiveness as a weakness and stupidity. They view forgiveness as a green light to continue their abuse.

Understand that some people think that forgiveness means that you’re okay with it and always will be.

Therefore, you must realize that forgiveness doesn’t obligate you to interact with the person who did you wrong. Moreover, it doesn’t mean you continue to be someone’s fool.

You can forgive someone and still realize that they’re no good. Toxic people are dead weight and, though you may forgive them, you realize that it’s still best to keep them at arm’s length.

You’re strong enough to forgive but wise enough to avoid toxic people.

You avoid them because you realize that these people will only take your forgiveness for foolishness. Therefore, because they have a history of pushing your boundaries, you’re forgiving, yet assertive.

Forgiveness is great because it gives you peace of mind. Moreover, you’re doing what God commands you to do. Besides, how can God forgive us of our trespasses against Him if we don’t first forgive others of their wrongs against us?

Forgive, but forgive wisely. If you continue to allow these people to have a place in your life, they will only continue to take advantage of you.

You don’t have to be mean to or mistreat them but there’s no law that says you have to trust them again. It’s better that you don’t trust them.

Some people you must forgive from afar.

This post was all about the importance of forgiveness so that you can feel better about forgiving your bullies once you’re ready.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Forgiveness Does Not Require Reconnection

2. Healing from Bullying: 11 Amazing Recovery Tips

3. Glimmers: How You Can Use Them to Heal from Bullying

Seeking Validation: 9 Ways it Only Exacerbates Bullying

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‘Want to know about seeking validation and why it only worsens bullying. Here are all the details you need to know.

seeking validation

Sadly, many targets of bullying seek validation from others. Often, the people they seek it from are mostly those who could absolutely care less about them. Even worse, those they seek approval from are bullies – people who have absolutely zero respect for them.

It’s pretty counterproductive. Don’t you think?

Therefore, in this post, you will learn about seeking validation and why you shouldn’t do it.

Once you learn all about this essential information, you’ll want to avoid such behavior and begin treating yourself with respect.

This post is all about seeking validation, how you can change this behavior, and why you should change it.

Seeking Validation

Most victims of bullying are lonely and others reject them all the time. Therefore, they tend to crawl behind people. Even worse, they crawl behind those who don’t give a damn about them.

Why? Because they have such low self-esteem that they’re willing to trade their pride and self-respect for just a tiny morsel of acceptance.

In other words, they simp for approval! Ewww!

Therefore, if you are a target of bullying and this applies to you, ask yourself these questions aloud:

  • If these people never gave a hoot about me or my life to begin with, then who are they that I should seek approval from?
  • Who are they that I must impress?
  • Are they really so important that I should pretend to be someone I’m not?
  • Who are they that I have to lie?
  • Who are they that I must expend so much of my effort and energy for?
  • Are these creeps people I should chase and crawl up behind?
  • Who are they that I should beg?

Never Give Anyone Value They Haven’t Earned

Notice those last two questions and the words “chase,” “crawl up behind,” and “beg.” They will immediately jump out at you and may even make you angry.

And you know what? They should. Remember that you’re seeking their approval. Therefore, those three things are basically what you’re doing.

Therefore, never seek approval from bullies, abusers, or anyone who neither respects you nor gives a crap about you. Because, when you do, you are, in a sense, giving them value they haven’t earned.

If, at any time, you must suppress parts yourself to gain validation from another person, you short change yourself. Realize that a bully will never add value or benefit to your life.

Therefore, they haven’t earned the honor and privilege of being in your life. They don’t even deserve to be in your presence.

When you submit to and follow the standards of others for the sake of validation and acceptance, you only lower your own standards.

Seeking Validation:

You Don’t Need the Approval of Anyone Who Isn’t Worthy

Stop busting your butt to gain other people’s approval because their approval isn’t needed. Therefore, their opinions need not apply.

If anyone ever tries to impose their so-called rules on you, you have a right to tell that person to go to hell. In other words, if the person isn’t a parent or well-meaning teacher or supervisor, tell them to go crawl back under the horse-apple they wormed and wiggled their way from beneath.

 You have an obligation to yourself not to give them your power. And that’s exactly what you’re giving them when you seek approval from them.

You give them control over your life! That’s something they have no right to. Your power is yours and yours alone.

But once you take back your power by refusing to care what they think, your life will only get better. Take it from me. I’m living proof.

Life begins when you stop caring what people think and begin living life on your terms. Try it. I guarantee that you’ll thank yourself later!

Don’t you know you deserve to be happy?

Too many victims think that sucking up will win them Validation.

Too many targets are bullied for so long they begin to look for any crumb of validation they can find. They think that somehow, kissing up will win them friends and allies.

However, it only does the opposite. It only brings them more bullying and ridicule. It attracts even more users and abusers into their lives.

Seeking Validation:

What else happens when you seek Validation?

1. You lose your freedom and autonomy.

 You stop being yourself and doing what you want to do. Why? Because you become a slave to the thoughts and opinions of others.

In a nutshell, you give away your personal power

2. You lose sight of your goals and aspirations.

 Why? Because you replace them with goals of being liked, approved of, and favored by others.

And there’s no guarantee that they’ll approval of you. You can’t control the thoughts, opinions, actions, or words of other people.

You are the only person in the entire world that you can control. This is why it’s important that you keep your focus on you. You are your only guarantee.

At the end of the day, all you have is you.

3. You stop being creative.

In that, you only become a carbon copy of someone else. You imitate their style, and their way of thinking and doing things.

Moreover, when you do this, your creativity suffers. It’s much better to be original!

4. Seeking Validation:

You copy others.

In other words, you give up the ability to think for yourself. Instead of having opinions of your own, you conform to the opinions and beliefs that are most popular.

You say what others want to hear and do what others want you to do. Also, you do things how they want you to do them. In short, you allow yourself to be programmed and become a robot!

Understand that not everyone will like you or support you. Moreover, not everyone will want the best for you. Some may, in fact, hate you and judge you harshly.

When you seek validation and approval, you only look for others’ permission. This will leave you feeling controlled and imprisoned. Even worse, it’ll also erode your self-esteem.

Each time you engage in approval-seeking behavior, you lose tiny pieces of yourself until you completely forget who you are.

So, how does approval seeking exacerbate bullying? It does so in 5 ways.

5. IT reduces your value.

People are more likely to bully you if they don’t think you have much value. Approval seeking only reduces your value in the eyes of everyone else.

Why? Because it makes you look desperate. When you seek approval, you’ll do self-demeaning things out of desperation.

You’ll crawl behind people who don’t value you. You’ll make yourself too available. And you’ll people-please and put up with crappy treatment.

Therefore, you’ll take away from your own value as a human being.

6. Seeking Validation:

You end up looking pathetic.

Approval seeking behavior isn’t a good look on anyone. When you’re constantly trying to prove your worth to people, you don’t attract them. You only repulse and repel them.

7. People Lose respect For you.

It’s hard to have respect for anyone who has to beg for acceptance. It’s just a part of human nature. No one respects anyone who begs.

However, when you finally come to a place where you don’t care either way, people will naturally gravitate toward you.

8. You attract users and abusers

People who seek validation and approval are more vulnerable to bullying. In fact, if you have low self-esteem and are constantly looking for validation, you will attract human predators.

Why? Because you will be more likely to do anything for approval. Therefore, you’ll be easy to use and abuse.

Now, do you see why looking for validation is such a no no?

9. Seeking Validation:

Others won’t like you, they’ll only pity you.

There’s a difference between pity and empathy. Empathy is more positive. It’s when you feel the person’s pain and wish you could help them.

On the other hand, there’s a degree of arrogance behind pity. When you pity someone, you don’t care about the other person’s pain and have no desire to help them. You’re just glad as hell that you aren’t in their situation.

In fact, you’re probably glad that you aren’t them. Period! And you want to distance yourself from the person and whatever they’re dealing with.

It’s better to be hated than pitied. Why? Because there’s still a degree of dignity in being hated.

So, how do you break this nasty habit?

1. You start by accepting and loving yourself.

This means accepting all parts of yourself- the good, the bad, and the ugly!

2. Count all the qualities of yourself that you’re proud of.

Everyone has great qualities. Find yours, and list them.

3. Seeking Validation:

Ditch and Switch.

Walk away from negative people who make you feel bad about yourself. And don’t look back! Rid yourself of the haters and naysayers.

Replace them with people who love you and who want nothing but your best. Seek people who lift you up and those you feel safe around.

Ditch those who bellyache and blame others for their misfortunes. And switch to happy people who take responsibility for their lives.

No one wants a copy. They want an original!

You might get a lot of push-back at first. Many people become threatened and angry anytime you make positive changes in your life. Moreover, they may give you tons of grief for it.

However, they only do it because they were benefiting from the old you. There were advantages that came with the you who sought approval. And they don’t want to lose the benefits.

We live in a world full of copies. In other words, most people only conform and seek approval themselves. So, it’s only natural that they lash out at you.

Therefore, embrace the push-back. Keep doing what’s right for you and to hell with what others think!

Only you know what’s right for you. No one else does! So, stop seeking validation. Let go of the need for approval.

I guarantee that you’ll be surprised at how it’ll change your life. And you’ll only thank yourself for it later!

This post was all about seeking validation so that you can recognize the behavior in yourself and make the needed changes.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Seeking Approval: 5 Must-Know Reasons It Worsens Bullying

2. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

psychological abuse tactics examples

Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use

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‘Want to know the psychological abuse tactics most preferred by seasoned bullies. Here are all the psychological methods of expert bullying you need to know about.

psychological abuse tactics

Psychological abuse isn’t visible to the eyes. Therefore, it’s more difficult to provide evidence of it.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the most common psychological abuse tactics bullies use so that you can easily spot it, call it by name and describe it to protect yourself from further bullying.

Once you learn all about this life-changing information, you will be better to see it as it happens and defend yourself against it.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can avoid it and keep yourself safe from it.

Psychological Abuse Tactics

Seasoned bullies prefer psychological bullying over physical bullying. Why? Because this type of bullying offers easy deniability.

Unlike the physical kind, psychological bullying is less evident to any bystanders and witnesses. It leaves no visible bruises, cuts, or wounds.

In fact, it can be so subtle that even you, the victim, may not realize it’s happening. Therefore, you’ll never be able to prove that anyone ever bullied you.

Moreover, when you finally get fed up with their crap and report them to the higher-ups, it will be easier for the bullies to deny it. Also, if you stand up to the bullies, they’ll be able to play victim and make you look like the bad guy.

What are the mind games these bullies use?

1. Playing the victim.

Bullies will deliberately instigate an altercation. If you defend yourself, they’ll take your defense and twist it to make you look like the bully.

If the bully is female, she may cry those fake tears to garner sympathy. Consequently, if others aren’t wise to her, they’ll fall for her lies and blame you.

2. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Weaponizing mental health.

Also, they can use your reaction to their abuse to brand you as mentally unstable. With this tactic, bullies can easily destroy your credibility and reputation.

As a result, your relationships will likely suffer. Even worse, your bullies may then retaliate against you by escalating the harassment later.

3. quiet bullying.

Quiet bullying is bullying by dirty looks and using the silent treatment. Moreover, a quiet bully will use exclusion to bully you.

In the workplace, quiet bullying can happen through micro-managing. Also, a quiet workplace bully can assign impossible workloads and deadlines to a targeted employee.

Remember that the most talented bullies are the biggest cowards. Also, they’re the most successful actors and actresses. They have methods of harassment which are well-planned in advance.

4. Subtle Bullying Disguised as concern.

Subtle bullying can also come in the form of glares and the silent treatment. They also use soft smear campaigns.

A soft smear campaign is disguised as concern for your well being. For example, the bully may say something like, “Bless her heart. I’m really concerned about Kathy. I hope she gets the profession help she needs before it’s too late.”

And when you defend yourself against it, the bully can use your reaction as proof that you’re unhinged.

5. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Subtle bullying disguised as jokes.

Also, subtle bullying can disguise itself as jokes and fun. When you respond to this type of bullying, your bullies will make it look as if you can’t take a joke.

Therefore, understand that these bullies go to great lengths to prevent themselves from being exposed. They’re incredibly crafty. And they commit their attacks ever so slowly and subtly.

Moreover, they will bully undercover and hide behind a veil of superficial charm, fake playfulness, and deceit.

6. Weaponizing their social status.

These type of bullies are often in the popular crowd at school. You’ll also find them in the Good Ole’ Boy clique at work.

These bullies are often able to climb up the social ladder because of their superior social skills.  Also, they have the ability to read people and predict others’ reactions.

To top it off, they have a talent for keeping up appearances.

Therefore, they’re usually well-liked by teachers, school staff, supervisors, managers and CEOs. Also, many of them excel in studies and join clubs or sororities/fraternities at school.

Workplace bullies often make themselves out to be high performers at work. How do they do this? They do it by stealing over people’s ideas and taking credit for their work.

These bullies use their popularity as a shield from accountability. Moreover, their extreme likability adds a lot of weight to their words. This is why they often get away with bullying others.

If you live in a small town, these bullies likely come from families who have powerful local connections. This is all the more reason these people keep up appearances.

Psychological abuse Tactics:

Bullies with social status may use minions to do their dirty work for them.

Understand that these bullies likely have followers. They’re too chicken to get their hands dirty. Therefore, if they want to cause you any physical harm, they will often send one of their sycophants to do it for them.

Moreover, they will often these minions incentives to get the job done. They may offer them money and social status. Or they may offer them special favors.

Afterward, the followers will have served their purpose. Therefore, the bullies will likely discard them like a used piece of toilet paper.

However understand that most of their followers don’t really like them. Most will only kiss and cover their butts to get something from them. They may hope to get a little bit of power and social status.

7. Using their talent with words.

Many of these kinds of harassers are highly skilled wordsmiths. Therefore, they’re convincing liars and have the right answer for everything.

They’re good at rationalizing their behavior and justifying their actions. Moreover, these bullies are good at conjuring up a good story. So, they’re great storytellers. You’d think some of them would’ve chosen a career in writing.

8. Psychological Abuse Tactics:

Using their social skills to bully those who aren’t as fortunate.

Bullies on top of the pecking order will use their superb social skills to take advantage of the mentally disabled. For instance, they may taunt kids with Down’s Syndrome.

They may make fun of students with Cerebral Palsy or Traumatic Brain Injury.  And they’ll push around those with physical ailments, such as Diabetes, heart defects and food allergies.

Even sadder, they may quietly bully people who are paraplegic. However, they won’t be obvious when they bully these people. Why? Because others tend to look down on those who bully those in wheelchairs.

People with weight issues, those with low self-esteem, or those with smaller builds are also fair game to these types of bullies.

Again, psychological bullies are such sniveling cowards. Otherwise, they wouldn’t select such vulnerable people to push around in the first place.

9. Gaslighting

Bullies gaslight you to brainwash you into believing that you’re losing your mind. Gaslighting always starts out subtle. However, it gradually gets more obvious over time.

Understand that the reason bullies gaslight you is to maintain their power over you. They know that once you get beyond their control, you’re likely to talk about their abuse and expose them for the monsters they are. And they can’t have that!

The term, “gaslighting,” comes from the movie, “Gaslight.” The movie is about a married couple. The husband dims the gaslights, then denies it in a way to make his wife think she’s going cuckoo.

This is why gaslighting is one of the most evil types of abuse.

Psychological Abuse tactics:

Understand that these types of bullies are the most cowardly of all.

Why? Because most of the abuse they dish out is strictly psychological. Moreover, they use these kinds of tactics because they’re afraid that someone just might stand up to them.

These bullies just might run up on somebody who will put them in their place. Even worse, they might do it publicly! 

In conclusion:

Sadly, you may have to go to school or work with these types of people. Therefore, there is no way to avoid them or to go no-contact.

 The best you can do is to see through these self-entitled, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied wimps. Also, you must learn their weaknesses so that you can find a way to expose them for the creeps they are.

This requires getting into the minds of these bullies. To properly defend yourself, you must think as they do, even though it’s not a pleasant place to be. And I’ll tell you! The souls of such people can be downright ugly!

However, sometimes it takes getting just as low, just as sneaky and just as nasty as your attacker if you ever want to expose them for what they are. Then, they’re more likely to back the hell off.

The more you know, the more you’’ll prepare and the better you’ll protect yourself from such people.

This post is all about psychological abuse tactics so that you can recognize them and protect yourself against them.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

2. Bullying and Gaslighting: 7 Ways Bullies Gaslight Victims

3. Psychological Effects of Gaslighting: 11 Ways it Impacts Victims

The Importance of Confidence

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‘Want to know the importance of confidence and how it can change your life? Here are reasons why you should always have it so that you can stand up to bullies and live a more rewarding life.

the importance of confidence

Confidence is the most important characteristic you can ever have, not only during school to ward off bullies, but all through life. It doesn’t matter how smart you are or how high your grades are.

Moreover, you can have five PhDs and be the smartest person on the face of the earth. But if you don’t have confidence, you will not be able to effectively communicate nor interact with people. Your social/people skills will be lacking and you won’t get anywhere in life.

Therefore, in this post you will learn the importance of confidence and what a difference it makes in your life.

Once you learn all about this important face of life, not only will you have the strength to ward off bullies, but you will also have power you never thought possible. Moreover, you’ll achieve much more in life.

This post is all about the importance of confidence and why you need it more than degrees so that you can keep bullies away and be a winner in the social arena and at life.

The Importance of Confidence

Whether you choose to believe it, the reality is that other people really do have control over whether we succeed or fail in life. In other words, people are the gatekeepers to our success and if you think otherwise, you are only fooling yourself.

For example, you can’t get that high position you want without being selected for the job by another person- the interviewer, who could be the owner of the company, an HR manager, or supervisor.

Moreover, during school, the vast majority of teachers and professors are honest and grade students fairly. Moreover, they usually do it regardless of how they may feel about the individual.

However, it still isn’t unheard of for a student to receive a failing grade solely because the instructor didn’t like them. It does happen, though not often.

Confidence= great people skills= charm= great friends and connections= success!!! Great people skills will always trump smarts, good grades, high marks, and college degrees! Always!

Confidence or Lack of it is something others notice right away.

Confidence, or lack thereof, is something that people notice right away when they meet you for the first time. When you walk into a job interview and meet your interviewer, he is going to notice right away whether you are confident in yourself.

And if you’re not, chances are very unlikely that you will get hired for that esteemed position that you have been coveting. The reason for this is that if you’re not confident in yourself, how then can you expect others to be confident in you?

Therefore, make no mistake about it. Confidence is the number one ingredient in all areas of your life.

The Importance of Confidence:

Confidence is the first trait others look for.

It’s the first trait that potential employers look for in prospective employees. Moreover, it’s the first thing companies and business notice in associates and prospective customers.

Also, every day people look for it in potential friends and dates. Confidence levels are things everyone looks at unless they are so low on confidence themselves that they can’t afford to be the least bit selective.

This is why you must never let a bully take away your confidence. If another person has already taken it away, you must fight like the devil to get it back.

But how do you do this?

You do this by surrounding yourself with people who love you and lift you up. Also, you do it by doing the things you enjoy and are good at.

There are many ways you can regain your confidence. You can display your talents. Taking care of yourself and taking pride in your appearance also boosts confidence levels.

Therefore, do all you can to raise your confidence. only then will you begin to see your worth and add value to yourself.

However, if a bully steals your confidence, they also steal your potential for success and a happy  and productive life. In short, they steal your future.

Bullies are confidence thieves! Therefore, never surrender your confidence to anyone! This brings me to Ralph Waldo Emerson. He said it best when he made this quote:

“If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.”

How right he was!

The Importance of Confidence:

Self-confidence is THE key ingredient that everyone must have to succeed in life.

Why? Because, when you have it,

  • you have better and more fulfilling relationships
  •  you are more successful in school and in your career.
  • You have more dates, friends, are more likely to have a great marriage and raise confident and successful children.

Confidence doesn’t mean perfection

A perfectionist isn’t a confident person and has to work so much harder just to go through life. A perfectionist is insecure with herself and others.

Moreover they focus on themselves than in others and is always worried about what others may think and say about them. This is why they try so hard to be, well, perfect.

A perfectionist is both critical of themselves and others and tends to have strained relationships. Why? Because they have an obsessive need to be right- all the time- about EVERYTHING!

They think they must be perfect for others to like them and covertly seek validation from others rather than looking within themselves for it. And the outcome is usually adverse.

On the other hand, a confident person realizes that no one is perfect and that they will make mistakes. When they do make a mistake, they don’t make a big deal about it and beat themselves up.

Sure, a confident person may be disappointed for a short while but they always get over it very quickly and bounce back.

The Importance of Confidence:

A Confident person vs a Perfectionist

A confident person may even have a few people who do not like her. But confidence brings resilience and she doesn’t concern herself with how others perceive her.

Why? Because she knows that she is awesome and that there are plenty of others who DO love her.

A confident person is a “proud to be me” kind of individual. She always takes care of herself and the people she loves.

Moreover, she surrounds herself with positive and uplifting people who love her. Therefore, she steers clear of the negative people who want to bring her down.

In short, a confident person sees beauty where a perfectionist only sees flaws. She sees opportunity where a perfectionist sees strife and hard luck.

There’s no benefit to being a perfectionist. You only end up working too hard to meet standards that are more than likely impossible to meet.

So, you end up spinning your wheels and getting nowhere. Also, you end up failing miserably and in the process, looking like a try-hard.

Confidence, on the other hand, is FREEING and it allows you to be you without fear.

It also brings patience, faith, and positive self-awareness. Instead of spinning your wheels, you move slowly, steadily, and PATIENTLY toward your goals. Moreover, you do it step by step, until you eventually reach them, thus, reaching success!

The Importance of Confidence:

Even the most confident have their moments

Even if you’re confident, you’ll still have moments and days when you don’t feel so confident. Moreover, there will be times when you’ll feel a tad insecure and nervous.

Only you’ll refuse to give in to it. Instead, you’ll give yourself psychological pep talks to make the insecurity go away, then face the fear head-on.

So, know that everyone has those days. And when it happens to you, don’t toil over it. Accept it as a part of being human. Also, when insecurity does rear its ugly head, either use your mind to lessen the feelings or make them go away.

You’re confident but not arrogant. You know where your talents are.

Moreover, you know all of your good qualities and bad, and you know who you are and what you want. However, you also know your limitations.

If you don’t like something, you take steps to change it. On the other hand, if you can’t change it, you find ways to embrace it.

Therefore, if you are a happy and confident person, there will be days when things go wrong, and days when you just aren’t feeling it.

So, I hope you remember that just because you are having a day when you don’t feel so good, it does not mean that you are not a strong, resilient, and confident person.

It just means that you are human, and just like everyone else, you will have down times and bad times. Just keep the faith because those times never last.

The Importance of Confidence:

guard your confidence and self-esteem as you would your life!

When you begin to love yourself, flaws, quirks and all, things begin to change…and for the better. You’ll be at peace and comfortable in your own skin.

Everywhere you look there will be opportunity. Moreover, everywhere you look, you’ll see beauty…because you’ll be looking for it.

And when you look for something, you usually find it.

Therefore, take steps to raise your confidence levels, even if you must recite positive affirmations to yourself every day. Accept your quirks and flaws.

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Most importantly, accept that there will be bullies, haters, and naysayers who will always have something to say and be okay with it.

In a nutshell, be yourself and do your thing. Only then will you be truly at peace.

This post was all about the importance of confidence so that you can take steps to protect it.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

2. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You

3. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

4. How to Overcome Self Doubt: 7 Easy Mind Hacks to Achieve Success

5. Your First Line of Defense Against Bullying

how to deal with physical bullies at school

How to Deal with Physical Bullies

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‘Want to know how to deal with physical bullies. Here’ what you need to know.

how to deal with physical bullies

Dealing with physical bullies can be intimidating if you don’t know your rights as a victim of bullying.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to deal with physical bullies so that you can defend yourself when you need to.

Once you learn all about this important, even life-saving information, you will be able to stand up to physical bullies freely and without hesitation.

This post is all about how to deal with physical bullies so that you can feel better about fighting back and protecting yourself from harm.

How to deal with Physical Bullies

Throughout my life, I’ve heard people preach against fighting, even in self-defense. When I was being physically bullied, people often told me that violence didn’t solve anything.

Also, they would tell me, “fighting isn’t lady-like.”

However, I should have asked them this question. “How lady-like is getting your face beat in every other day?”

You can’t just stand there and take the beatings. You absolutely must stand up for yourself. However, when stand up for yourself, be prepared for others to gaslight you.

You must be prepared for other people to climb up on their soapbox and insert their two cents where it doesn’t belong. They’ll tell you that “violence doesn’t solve anything.”

Also, they’ll say that “you shouldn’t stoop to your bullies’ level.” However, they have no skin in the game. They’re not the ones taking heat from the bullies. Therefore, you shouldn’t listen to them.

You’ve heard the term, “All up in your Kool-Aid, and don’t know the flavor.”

What else do you do if you’re a kid at school getting their brains beat out every other day? Just stand there and allow yourself to be harmed over and over again?

When you’re being physically attacked, you can’t afford Listening to others’ two cents worth.

Every day, victims of bullying get suspended or expelled from school when they finally defend themselves against a bully. They waste six months to a year of being mercilessly bullied and trying to handle it through nonviolent means.

But others only call them a wuss and bullies only beat them up more. Why? Because bullies don’t respond to peaceful solutions. They only understand power and strength.

Therefore, the victim gets fed up after a while. They start standing up to their bullies.

As a result, These victims end up beating the living crap out of their bullies.

Now, all of a sudden, everyone’s surprised and outraged! Not at the bully, but at the victim!

However, where was their outrage when the victim was getting their body pummeled without provocation? Where was their anger when the shoe was on the other foot?

Where was their humanity when the target cried out for help?

How to Deal with Physical Bullies:

Don’t worry about how others feel about it.

If you’re in school and you’re a target of bully. These questions are those you should ask the school authorities and bystanders who get offended by your defending yourself.

Know that you’re just as good as the next person. Also, know that you have the same rights as anyone else- including your bullies. And know that you have the right to defend yourself anytime they threaten you with physical harm.

Understand that this is a part of self-care. It’s true that fighting isn’t always the answer but sometimes, bullies will leave you no other choice.

So, if you’ve tried everything else, know that you must do what you must to keep yourself safe. And if it means putting up your dukes and getting busy, so be it.

It’s sad when a target must fight all the time to keep themselves from being harmed. However, I don’t hold it against anyone who fights back under those circumstances.

Why? Because you have to take care of yourself or no one else will.

Why Most Bullies Resort to Physical Violence

They do it because they feel that they would otherwise have no influence over people. Therefore, when people dare to disagree with, defy, thwart, or worse, ignore them, they automatically think:

  • “Nobody will listen to me.”
  • “I can’t get anywhere with anyone.”
  • “They don’t value me.”
  • “They don’t respect me.”
  • “I can’t get any cooperation out of anyone.”
  • “I can’t get any satisfaction.”

And the list goes on and on…

This causes them to feel weak and defeated. Therefore, they use force and violence to get their point across because it’s the only thing that works for them.

Physical Bullies Are the Weakest of All

Physical bullying is weakness. Why? Because people only submit to keep themselves safe from harm. They never do it because they want to.

True persuasion or influence is having someone do something for you because they want to do it. In other words, when people have a choice and they choose to do something you want, it’s so much more rewarding.

Understand that these bullies see everything as zero-sum. They either have total control, or no control at all. There’s no in-between. If they can’t have complete influence, they feel ineffective and powerless.

The Psychology of Physical Bullies

Physically violent and forceful bullies often compare themselves with others. They see themselves as less effective than others when it comes to persuasion and influence.

They feel that they’re no good at getting others to cooperate and at being in command of circumstances and situations.

Therefore, in their intense anger and rage, and through use of force and violence, these bullies shift the blame. They shift blame from their own sense of powerlessness to the behavior of their victims.

These people see their targets as their enemies or adversaries. Therefore, they feel that they must punish and destroy these targets.

How to Deal with Physical Bullies:

Using Physical Violence for Anything Other Than Self-Defense is Weakness.

Physical bullies think these kinds of thoughts.

  • “(The target) is wrong for defying me.”
  • “He never listens to me.”
  • “She never pays attention to me.”
  • “That loser is not giving me the respect they owe me.”

When bullies shift the blame onto their targets, they are able to blunt the pains of their frustrations and disappointments. Why? Because anger and rage are less unpleasant than sadness and hopelessness.

Again, I want you to realize that this is weakness in and of itself.  Physically violent and forceful bullies may look strong and mighty as they’re whipping and beating up on some poor helpless human being.

However, they’re really weak. In fact, they’re the weakest of all other types of bullies. And it’s simply because they can’t get power any other way. The only way they can get it is to use the fear of physical harm and yes, even murder.

Outside of their use of fear and bodily harm, these bullies are totally ineffective. They have no gift of gab, charm nor seductive powers. In other words, they cannot get people to do what they want them to do through the use of persuasion.

Physical Bullies are No Different Than Rapists

I’ll use rapists as an example. The reason why most rapists rape isn’t only about power over another. Put bluntly, it’s because they couldn’t get sex any other way.

Maybe they have no game- they have a hard time seducing a woman to go to bed with them. It could be that they don’t know how to flirt with or court a woman effectively.

Moreover, maybe they’re creepy or unattractive and women find them disgusting and repulsive. Either way, they’re a turn off to them, which means that they are ineffective and powerless.

So, the only way they can get sexual gratification is to use force and violence- rape!

It’s the same analogy with physical bullies. Anytime anyone has to physically threaten you to make you do what they want, it only means that you have all the power, not them.

Yes, they may beat the crap out of you. However, you don’t have to resort to that kind of behavior to get your needs met.

And your scratches, bruises, and broken bones will heal. But your bullies’ stupidity and lack of social intelligence, powers of persuasion, and people skills are things they are stuck with forever!

And if nothing else, remember this! You have a God-given, animal right to defend yourself from harm. If a bully is pounding on you, it’s no use to rely on the school, workplace, and sometimes the law to protect you.

You must learn to protect yourself and if that means throwing up your dukes, so be it!

This is how to deal with physical bullies:

Recognize hostile body language and know when your bullies are about to get physical is the first thing you do. Be prepared.

Then, what do you do if they get in your face or hit you?

What you do, is you haul off and knock the hell out of them. Moreover, you do it hard enough to knock them on the floor. Then you keep beating them until someone pulls you off them.

Never give them a chance to get up! Because, if they ever get up, they’ll come back after you. You want to keep them down until someone comes along and breaks it up.

Moreover, you want to put such a beating on them that they won’t even think about messing with you again.

You may get a three-day suspension. However, getting kicked out of school for three days is better than putting up with a bully for three years.

So, put up your fists and defend yourself! Always! It’s how you set and enforce boundaries!

This post was all about how to deal with physical bullies so that you won’t be afraid to fight if you have to.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Physical Bullying: Should You Hit Back?

2. Hostile Body Language: 17 Signs Bullies Want to Get Physical

3. Physical Bullying Information: 5 Must-Know Secrets Bullies Don’t Want You to Know

Bullying the Mentally Ill: 9 Reasons Why People Do It

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It’s a shame that no one wants to talk about bullies bullying the mentally ill.  It’s not even something the media talks about. ‘Want to know about the bullying the mentally ill face? Here are the details and how we can stand up for them.

Also, if you have a mental illness and people are bullying you because of it, you can use this information to stand up for yourself.

bullying the mentally ill

Whether you have a mental illness or not, bullies and human predators can weaponize it. In other words, they can use it to label you.

Remember that bullies search for any defect to use against you. Therefore, if you have a mental illness, you’re especially vulnerable.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn why bullies love bullying the mentally ill so that you can be a better advocate for yourself. Moreover, you can better protect someone else if you see them getting bullied.

Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to defend against bullying based on mental health.

This post is all about bullying the mentally ill so that you can stand against this insidious type of bullying.

Bullying the Mentally Ill

When bullies can con an entire community into deeming you unhinged, they can make you disappear and become irrelevant. And they can do it even after you’re dead.

The most insidious thing about this label is that, even if the person isn’t mentally ill, it can eventually cause them to doubt their own sanity. But understand this right now!

It’s not so much that they think you’re nuts. It’s that they want you to believe it. Why? Because, if they can make you believe it, then you’re more likely to live up to it.

The mental health label is the easiest for bullies to stick to you. Why? Because, although they can never prove you are, in fact, a basket case, there’s no way you can prove that you aren’t one.

The mental health label is the easiest to use.

This is why this label is the most widely used among bullies and society as a whole. Also, it’s the most common form of gaslighting. “Mentally unstable” can be used as a last resort when bullies run out of options and can’t pin anything else on you.

Think about it. They can’t as easily label you a whore if you haven’t slept around. Just the same, they can’t as easily label you a criminal if you don’t have a police record to prove it. And they can’t easily label you a thief if you never took anything that wasn’t yours.

Whereas, you can’t as easily disprove a mental imbalance. Therefore, the more we understand the ins, outs, and reasons behind the use of this label, the better we can defend against it.

Bullying the Mentally Ill:

7 Reasons Why bullies Use the Mental Health Label

Sadly, those with mental illness are the easiest to bully. Here’s why.

1. They have the least power.

 Because mental illness comes with a lot of stigma, people who have it are virtually powerless in the social arena. Bullies always target the powerless. Why? Because, without power, you’re at the mercy of everyone around you.

2. they’re least likely to be able to properly defend themselves.

When someone has a mental illness, chances are that they won’t be able to properly stand up to bullies. Put another way, they’ll likely become overly emotional when bullies attack them.

Therefore, other people won’t pay attention to the bullies’ attacks that cause the person to freak out. They’ll focus more on the victim’s emotional reaction.

Bullies instinctively know this. So, they take full advantage of it.

3. The mentally ill have the least representation.

The mentally ill are one of the largest minorities in this country. However, they get the least representation. And, without representation, you have no one to speak nor stand in your behalf.

Therefore, this leaves you much more vulnerable than other oppressed groups. Why? Because mental illness is the least visible.

You can see skin color right off. You can’t see mental illness as easily.

4. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Society gives the mentally ill the least credibility.

There’s a lot of stigma that surrounds mental illness and bullies know it. Therefore, they’re experts at using mental health stigma to their advantage.

In other words, if a person is known to have any kind of mental illness, then who’s going to believe them when they report that they’re being bullied?

5. People don’t take them seriously.

When people label you “mentally imbalanced,” chances are that no one will ever take you seriously again. People will automatically doubt everything you do, good or bad.

Anytime society sticks a person with the “mentally imbalanced” label, it can be worse than if they deemed them a criminal. Why? Because at least people take criminals, even murderers and rapists more seriously.

6. they’re the easiest targets in the world.

It’s no secret that the mentally ill are easy prey for bullies. In fact, you don’t have to have a mental illness. All it takes is for people to think you have one and they can target you for these kinds of bullying.

Therefore, the label of mental instability is the easiest and most effective label to stick to a person. Moreover, if you do have a mental illness, it just makes it easier for them to label you.

Sadly, a label like this tends to have loads of staying power. Again, it’s the hardest to disprove – especially when the object of it is being bullied and mobbed.

Why? Because there’s a good chance that any target of bullying will be an emotional wreck because of the chronic abuse they suffer.

The bullies can use your perfectly normal reactions as confirmation of mental illness. And no one else will know the difference. It’s that easy!

7. Bullying the Mentally Ill: 

People can easily weaponize mental illness.

In other words, they can use the target’s mental illness against them. They can use it to discredit them. Also, bullies can use the person’s mental illness to distract others’ attention from their own bad behavior.

Why? Because, if someone is mentally ill, the mental illness will be all people can focus on.

“Oh, my God! She’s going bonkers again!”

Others focus on your reaction rather than what your bullies did to cause it.

8. Those with mental illness are easiest to silence.

Bullies can use mental illness to keep you quiet. If you know that people think you’re cray-cray, you’re going to be too afraid to open your mouth.

Why? Because you know that people probably won’t believe you. They will only say that, because of your “mental instability,” you’re probably just having paranoia.

Moreover, you’ll be too afraid to fight back because if you do, you know that the bullies will only convincingly reverse roles and play victim. Then, others will only assume that you went postal and either hurt those poor innocent people.

If you begin shouting and cursing people out because they pushed you too far, others will only take it as you having a meltdown. All because you’re just “mentally imbalanced.”

Therefore, the bullies use your reactions to protect themselves from accountability. They can also keep their own reputations spotless as they continue to bully you.

The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when attacked. And people can easily mistake this natural response for mental illness.

9. Bullying the Mentally Ill:

Mental Illness is the easiest distraction.

Again, if the victim is known to have a mental illness, then who’s going to pay attention to the bullies when they bully this person. They’ll be too busy focusing on the victim’s reaction rather than the bullies’ behavior that caused it.

It’ll happen when people walk in on you as you’re telling your bullies where to stick it. Moreover, these people will only catch the tail end of the confrontation. Then they’ll draw the wrong conclusions.

Understand that this is what your bullies are counting on. They provoke you just to set you up to look like you’ve completely “lost it.” Therefore, any witnesses who happen to walk by will get that impression.

Bullies do this all the time to discredit you and cover their behinds. If the bully can make you look loony, they get to continue pushing your buttons freely and with impunity.

Moreover, when you defend yourself, passers-by will only sigh and think, “Uh-oh! There they go again! They’re having another mental episode!

So, What Should you do in this Situation?

The trick is to stay calm. Emotions are your enemy and bullies will only weaponize it.

Stand up to them but do it in a calm manner! Look them in the eye, and you tell them,
“You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong! I’m not going to debate this any further with you!”

Then walk away and leave the bullies standing there slack-jawed. If the bully follows you and asks, “What’s your problem?” don’t explain it to them. They’re not five years old.

Therefore, you don’t owe them any further explanation. Say as little as possible. Just tell them, “You know what my problem is!”

The bully may continue to follow you and ask, “What did I do to you?”
Then you say, “You know what you did! Now get lost!”

Be firm but don’t yell. Yelling makes you look like a basket case.

The bully may not change their ways or their attitude. However, you’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing that you put your foot down and looked less “unstable” to any bystanders!

Therefore, the best thing you can do in this situation is to keep your head and continue showing them up. It may take a while. But eventually, the label will get old and wear itself out.

Then, it will lose it’s effect.

This post was all about bullies who love bullying the mentally ill so that you know how to respond without looking unstable.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Easy Targets for Bullies: 6 Groups of People Bullies Love to Target

2. Bullying the Disabled: 5 Reasons Bullies Target the Disabled

3. Bullied for Being Autistic: 7 Reasons Those with ASD Suffer High Rates of Bullying

4. Weaponizing Mental Health: 7 Reasons Bullies Label You Mentally Ill

bullying evidence for court

Bullying Evidence: 5 Smart Ways to Get Evidence of Bullying

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‘Want to know how to gather bullying evidence. Here are all the ways you can get evidence of bullying so that you can have proof in case you must take it to court, tribunal, or to the school board.

bullying evidence

Bullying, especially psychological and emotional bullying, is difficult to prove. People in authority who are in a position to help you may not help you.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn how to gather your own bullying evidence and why it’s important that you do.

Once you learn all about this game-changing information. You will be your own detective and know how to prove bullying when it happens to you.

This post is all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can prove bullying beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Bullying Evidence

The Importance of Gathering Your Own Evidence

School and workplaces may tell you they’ll investigate incidences of bullying. However, they may not. If they do, you can bet that they’ll have their own interests in mind and not yours.

They might even find ways of planting evidence against you to protect the bullies and themselves.

Therefore, it’s imperative that you learn how to gather your own evidence of bullying. Remember, proving that you’re a victim of bullying is your responsibility.

1. Document the Bullying.

If you want to gather evidence that people are bullying you, writing about it can be the first step to making a record of the attacks.

Document in the tiniest details possible. Why? Because not only does it help you to keep your story straight, but it’s also admissible in court and in tribunals.

The best way to document bullying is to use the 5W Method. What is the 5W method and how do you use it in your bullying journal?

the 5W Method

When you use the 5W method, you write down What happened, Where it happened, When it happened (the exact date and time of incident), Who was involved and the names of any bystanders, and, if possible, Why it happened.

1. Bullying Evidence:

What Happened?

Write down what happened. Moreover, when you write about it, describe the incident exactly as it unfolded. Include any exchanges of dialogue and by whom.

2. Who was Involved? Who was around to see it?

Identify the bullies by writing down their full names. If necessary, include their titles and positions. Also, include the names, titles, and positions of any bystanders and witnesses.

If there were any teachers or supervisors present, add their names, titles and positions as well. They may not want to provide any testimonies. Also, they may even deny seeing the bullying attack.

However, if you document correctly, your bullying journal will expose them for the liars and cowards they are.

3. When did the Bullying Incident happen?

Record the date and exact time of the incident. Very important!

4. Where Did it happen?

 You must include where the incident happened (school locker room, gym, bathroom at work, parking lot, etc.)

5. Bullying Evidence:

Why Did it happen?

Write down why it happened. For example, was the bully retaliating because you reported prior harassment?. Write down every detail!

If you don’t know why it happened, write that down. Moreover, if you need to, also describe how the incident happened.

Again, you owe it to yourself to document the bullying if you’ve tried talking about it and no one will listen to you.

What not to include in your Documentation.

Pay attention to the quality of your documentation. Also, make sure you write everything neatly and legibly. You want to make your writing as easy to read as possible. In fact, you might even want to create a typed version of your journal.

Don’t be vague. Here are examples of vague statements in documentation.

  • “Her words hurt me.”
  • “He assaulted me.” This is why detailed documenting is so crucial.

Always write everything down in the tiniest details possible. And no hearsay. In other words, none of the “he said, she said” stuff. Ever!

If you didn’t hear it with your own ears, it’s best not to record it. Only record your own experiences.

In closing, if people are bullying you, I can’t stress enough how important it is to have documentation of it. Documentation gets more credit than spoken words.

Why? Because when victims use the spoken word to describe what they’ve experienced, they can become emotional and end up rambling. And it will hurt you more than it will help.

When you’re being bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. You must be proactive and document! It’s truly the best defense there is!

2. Bullying Evidence:

Save any mean or threatening Texts, Emails and Online posts, comments, and Messages.

If bullies bully you at school or work, there’s a good chance they’ll stalk your social media pages, get your email address, and bully you online too.

Therefore, save everything on three or more different flash drives. Then, keep each flash drive in different places. The trick is to take precautions in case someone connected to your bullies breaks into your house to do a little snooping around.

This doesn’t happen often. However, it has happened and you want to take precautions.

3. Record the bullying with a body camera or digital recorder.

If the laws in your state allow, record the bullying in real time. Body cameras are best but if you only have a digital audio recorder, you can use it.

However, I would suggest that you check the laws of your state first. If you live in a one-party consent state, you’re free to record.

However, if you live in a two-party consent state. Don’t do it. If you do, your bullies and your school or company can come back and sue you for violation of privacy laws.

And, believe it! Bullies are just itching for a chance to use the legal system against you. Again, don’t do it! It isn’t worth the time, energy, and legal expenses!

4. Bullying Evidence:

If the Bullying is physical, take still photos of any physical marks your bullies may have left on your body.

Very important! You would be surprised at the number of people who don’t think to do this. If a bully physically attacks you,always take pictures of any scrapes, cuts, or bruises.

This goes a long way in proving your case.

5. If you need medical attention, get copies of any doctors’ and hospital records.

If your bullies hurt you badly enough that you need medical treatment, get proof of that. This means making copies of the emergency room visit. If you have to have x-rays, get copies of those x-rays.

If you’ve suffered psychological bullying and need psychiatric help, get copies of those records as well. This may be more difficult. Why? It’s because of the stigma around mental health. However, you’ll need this evidence to prove psychological injuries.

when you do your own investigation, be quiet about it.

Never brag about what you’re doing to people you think are your friends. Realize that when you’re a victim of bullying, you can’t trust anyone. Not even your friends.

Bullies have ways of turning even your closest friends against you. And when they do, these pals will talk! So, keep it to yourself until it comes out in court.

Don’t document while you’re at school or work. Keep your bullying journal safe at home!

Don’t journal while you’re at school or work. Moreover, never keep your documentation in your desk at work or your locker at school.

Why? Because bullies are notorious for snooping through your things.  Workplace bullies will look through your desk. School bullies will go through your locker or gym bag.

Moreover, female bullies might snoop in your purse. Therefore, they’re likely to find your bullying journal.

Again, keep it at home and away from prying eyes!

In Conclusion:

When people are bullying and abusing you, it’s not the time to be lazy. And you should never depend on anyone else to do your investigation for you.

Why? Because this is how many victims of bullying get screwed. Again, many schools and workplaces may tell you that they’ll do an investigation. However, they usually don’t.

If, by chance, they do, they’ll be sloppy at it. Remember that these people aren’t your friends. They’re not on your side. They’ll only try to cover their own butts.

When you report bullying to school staff or to HR, you become a liability. This is why it’s important that you quietly build your own case.

It will take time and patience. Moreover, it will take a lot of work. But it will be worth it in the end. I promise you!

This post was all about how to gather bullying evidence so that you can be your own detective, take control, and provide proof of bullying just in case you need it later.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying and Personal Responsibility: 3 Reasons to be Responsible for Your Own Safety

2. Speaking Up About Bullying: Be Prepared for These 8 Responses

3. Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

4. Why Bullying Goes Unpunished: 7 Reasons to Stand Up for Yourself