Category: boundaries

Enforcing Personal Boundaries: 7 Powerful Strategies

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Setting personal boundaries is one thing, but enforcing personal boundaries is another. Therefore, do you want to know what comes with enforcing personal boundaries? Or, vise versa?

enforcing personal boundaries

Enforcing personal boundaries is much riskier than setting them. This is because, when you set boundaries, you’re only letting people know what they are. Therefore, the only risk to you is of someone challenging those boundaries.

On the other hand, enforcing your boundaries means that you impose consequences to anyone arrogant enough to cross them. Therefore, once a bully or abuser steps over your boundaries, then, it’s time to enforce them.

In this post, you will learn exactly what it means to enforce personal boundaries. Also, you will learn how to go about doing it so that you can better protect yourself against human predators.

After you learn about all these things, you will better and more effectively keep bullies and abusers at bay. Also, you will be able to more successfully protect yourself from all kinds of bullies and abusers.

This post is all about enforcing personal boundaries, what it entails, and how you go about it, so that you can more effectively keep bullies away.

Enforcing Personal Boundaries

As stated earlier, setting boundaries is telling others what you will and will not tolerate and what they can expect from you if they violate one of your boundaries. Enforcing boundaries, on the other hand, is doing what you said you’d do if someone violates them.

Understand that you can set boundaries all day long but if you don’t enforce them, people will pick up on it very quickly. Therefore, they’ll no longer take you seriously.

Moreover, they’ll only see you as making empty threats. People will then step over your boundaries deliberately, just because they can!

This is why enforcing personal boundaries is so important. It’s the step that let’s people know in no uncertain terms that you’re not one to toy around with.

However, setting and enforcing boundaries is never easy, especially if you’re dealing with bullies. Bullies, especially those with narcissistic personality disorder, despise boundaries and will retaliate and lash out at you for daring to have them.

Bullies Despise Boundaries and anyone who has them.

They hate anyone who is their own person and not the person they want them to be. Bullies want conformers and followers, not original, free-thinking individuals.

 Moreover, the reason bullies abhor boundaries is because it means that they can’t control you. And when a bully cannot control you, they go into panic mode and will do very desperate things.

The backlash will be even worse,  if bullies have grown comfortable with wresting control over you. Why? Because you will automatically take them out of their comfort zones once you take your power back. Then you will have hell to pay if you aren’t careful.

Understand that when you decide you will no longer be controlled by your bullies, the power dynamic automatically changes. The trick is to keep that new power dynamic from rolling back.

You see? Bullies have an entitlement attitude and they want things back to the way they used to be. Therefore, be prepared for them to attempt to try to reclaim power by doing either one or all of the following.

  • They will be super sweet to you.
  • They’ll threaten to ruin you socially.
  • They may verbally or physically attack you.
  • Or they’ll resort to smearing you to others.
  • They’ll also lay guilt trips on you.

However, no matter what they do or how they may retaliate, don’t back down. Stick to your guns.

so, what strategies are involved in enforcing personal boundaries?

There are 7.

1. Don’t Just Mouth It. Mean it!

Again, you can’t just set boundaries by threatening consequences. You must be prepared to back it up with action (enforcement) if someone sticks so much as a toe over your boundaries. And the consequences must be severe enough that the person doesn’t want to even think of messing with you again.

2. If they physically attack you, hit them back and make it count.

Anytime a bully lays so much as a finger on you, they are violating your physical boundaries. One of the ways to enforce your physical boundaries is to hit them right back! And when you hit them, make it count!

In other words, hit the bully with enough force that it knocks them down, or at least back a few steps. Instead of only punching them with the strength of your arm, use the strength and weight of your entire body.

Also, hit them dead in the nose. That booger box is the best body part to aim for because a hard blow to the nose stuns a person.

Then, quickly pelt the bully with such a hail of punches that he can’t even think to exchange licks. You must be quick about it because once the bully recovers from the stunning blow and gathers his senses, he will come back at you.

Therefore, unleash a quick-as-lightning rainfall of hard punches to the face and head. And don’t stop until the bully is either down for the count or someone pulls you apart.

3. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If the Bully is Super Sweet to you, take it with a grain of salt.

In other words, see through the bullies fake, good-guy act.

Anytime bullies start getting chummy with you, there are three reasons.

  • They want something from you.
  • Your bullies are trying to set you up for something bad.
  • They’re trying to bring down your defenses.

Therefore, whatever you do, don’t fall for it!

4. If bullies threaten to ruin you socially, let them.

Even better, tell them to go for it. Chances are good that your bullies have already smeared you to other people and turned them against you. So, what do you have to lose?

And if you do have a few friends they might get to, see this as a test to your friends. In other words, watch your friends closely and see if they go along with it.

Here, you’ll quickly find out whether your friends are really there for you. If your friends believe the bullies’ lies and smears and turn against you, you’ll know that they never were your friends to begin with. Then you can cut them out of your life for good.

On the other hand, if they blow the bullies off and continue to stand with you, you’ll know that they’re true friends and that you can count on them.

5. If they begin screaming, yelling, and cursing you out, put your hand up. Then turn your back and walk away.

Anyone who stands in your face yelling, screaming, and cursing is violating your psychological and emotional boundaries. Therefore, show them that this is not okay.

Put your hand up and walk away. These people do not deserve the privilege of being in your company. However, keep your eyes peeled in case they try to attack you as you’re walking away. People are nuts these days.

And know that if they’re in your face, it’s okay to punch their lights out.

Also, you can look your bullies dead in the eyes, put your hand out like a traffic cop, and tell them to stay the hell away from you.

 

6. Enforcing Personal Boundaries: If Your Bullies smear you to others, again, let them.

That’s right! Let them talk. Let them try to turn everyone against you.

See your bullies’ behavior for what it is. They’re in panic mode. They’re desperate to get you back under their thumb because they’re deathly afraid of losing control of you.

Also, remember this! If they can’t control you, they will try to control how other people look at you. In their desperation, your bullies will lie. They will spread ugly rumors and they will act like you violated them somehow.

And this bears repeating. If others outside of the conflict side with the bullies by believing their falsehoods, then those others, including the people you thought were friends, do not deserve a seat at your table.

Give them all the boot and do it yesterday!

7. If they lay guilt trips on you, blow them off and be on your way.

In other words, your bullies may make up a story about how they’ve done you a favor in the past. And this will more than likely be something you know doggone well isn’t true.

Moreover, when you call them on it, they might tell you that maybe you’ve forgotten about it or that your memory isn’t serving you correctly.

But don’t let them cause you to doubt yourself. And, for Pete’s sake! Don’t let them make you feel guilty!

Remember your history with them. You know that these people have never done a damn thing for you. They’ve only tried to use, abuse, and puppeteer you.

Therefore, tell them to take a hike!

In Conclusion:

Know that enforcing your boundaries will not be easy, especially once bullies have grown accustomed to controlling you.

Nevertheless, you must, for your own sake and the sake of your mental health, hold firm and double down. If you refuse to give in to your bullies, there’s always a chance they just might leave you alone.

But be prepared just in case they don’t. You might need to either fight like hell or remove yourself from the bullying environment and go to a place where you can make a fresh start.

This post was all about enforcing personal boundaries to give you the strategies you need to stay strong and take care of yourself.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

3. What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3 Reasons Targets Fear Setting Boundaries

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All too often, targets of bullying have a hard time setting boundaries. Many just keep their mouths shut, grin and bear it while others wipe their feet all over them. They suffer in silence and obscurity, which only further damages their mental health. If being used as a rug hurts so much, why do they allow it to continue?

There are several reasons:

1. They don’t have the confidence.

Many targets of bullying feel helpless and simply think it wouldn’t do them any good. So, they see no point in speaking up because they know that they’ll likely get bullied worse for it. It takes confidence to set boundaries, which, sadly, is something a few bullying targets have.

Also, as we know, bullies don’t respect boundaries because they don’t acknowledge them. In their minds, you’re a target and, to them, a target has no rights and deserves no human dignity. Bullies don’t see targets as human beings deserving of the same human rights as everyone else. That’s a fact.

2. They feel powerless to stop the abuse.

Again, setting boundaries is anything but easy- it’s one of the hardest things to do after people bully you for so long and brainwash you into thinking you’re to blame for their horrid behavior.

Many targets have been abused for so long that they’ve “gotten used to it.” In other words, bullies and their sycophants have conditioned the targets to take the abuse and allow them to ride roughshod over them. Many times, targets have been fooled into believing that setting boundaries is selfish.

This is why many targets cave in to the bullies’ demands. They feel it’s safer just to give them what they want and pacify them.

3. They fear the bullies will retaliate.

If you’re a target of bullying, you may badly want to tell your abusers to knock it off. You may want to tell them to get the hell away from you and stay away. You may even want to fight back, but you don’t know how they may react.

Another thing you don’t know is whether they’ll accept your boundaries, nor if they’ll want to accept them. You know that there’s a chance the bullies may act violently toward you for having the chutzpah to speak against their abuse.

Bullies despise even a hint of opposition because they see it as your challenging their power and perceived authority. And they’ll do whatever they can to tighten their grip if they suspect you’re defying them. And sometimes, things get dangerous, and you must do it scared.

But what they don’t realize is this. When you set boundaries, you enact your autonomy and speak from a place of self-care and self-love. You decide what you will and won’t tolerate. You take your power back.

However!

Before you’re able to do that, you must be clear of what you will not accept.

It takes uber-confidence to stand up to a bully. It would be best if you also gave up your old self-protective behaviors – those you tried in the past that failed, which are ways your bullies and a few other abusers in your life probably conditioned you to respond.

1. You must stop over-apologizing.

2. You must stop trying to explain yourself to anyone.

3. You must stop trying to figure out what made the bullies so hostile.

4. You must stop wondering what you did wrong.

5. You must stop wondering if something’s wrong with you.

6. You must stop asking, “why me.”

Before you can stand up to abuse, you must squash the mentality that compels you to do any of the above mentioned.

You must understand that all the why me, why this, why that, gets you nowhere. And all the wracking your brains wondering and trying to figure out what’s wrong also serves no purpose. It’s a complete waste of time and only makes you feel worse.

Instead, be real with yourself and conclude that your bullies are just a bunch of ignorant, moronic jackasses who lack character and live fake existences. You must also learn to trust yourself, which includes trusting your body and how it feels. Trust everything you see, hear, feel, sense, and the vibes you pick up from the people around you. And finally, trust your decisions.

It also takes dogged determination:

1. Even if your bullies rationalize and justify their behavior, you won’t take their crap.

2. Even if they blame you for their despicable behavior, you won’t take it.

3. Even if they tell you that you’re crazy or mentally imbalanced, you won’t take it.

4. Even if they call you a bitch, an asshole, or any other degrading name, you won’t take it.

5. Even if you made a mistake and your bullies call it out in an abusive manner, you won’t take it.

6. And, for the love of Pete! If the bullies commit physical violence, you definitely won’t take that! Get the police involved, file charges, and sue for any damages! Or, put up those dukes and throw down if you need to!

And it’ll take calling your bullies out every single time they cross the line.

You can say:

“Stop it!”

“Cut it out!”

“Knock it off!”

“Get away from me!”

“Get out!”

positive bullied victim says NO

You get power just by loudly giving either one of these commands. And who knows? I’m not making any guarantees here, but you might shock your bullies back to reality and make them leave you alone. There were times when I was pleasantly surprised, and it worked for me.

You do not have to walk on eggshells around anyone! Know that you do have a choice and a voice. You can choose not to accept the bullies’ behavior. You have more power than you know.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Never Let It Phase You When Someone Unfriends You on Social Media. Let the Trash Take Itself Out.

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Too many people, especially targets of bullying, get upset and take it personally when someone unfriends them or unfollows them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any social media platform.

But why? Should that person’s approval or disapproval even matter?

Don’t get me wrong. No one likes to be rejected and having someone you thought was a friend delete you can hurt. So, I completely understand the pain and the wondering why the person or persons rejected you.

Maybe you said something on a post the other person didn’t like, so the person got their skivvies in a bunch and unfriended them. Or the other person lashed out at you in a comment and threatened and threatened to unfriend or block you. And now, you feel bad and want to apologize for “offending” the person.

But does it even warrant an apology? And should you feel devastated? Does this necessarily mean it’s the end of the world?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Who is the other person to dictate what you say on your page?

2. Unless you’re intentionally trying to harm someone, what’s the big deal?

3. Who is this person to tell you what your opinions and beliefs should be?

4. And last and most important, how much does this person mean to you?

You wouldn’t let someone walk into your house and tell you how to arrange your furniture or tell you what you should or should not talk about. So, why would you allow them to tell you what you should type on your page?

Understand that just as your home and property that you own are your physical real estate, your social media is your online real estate, and you own it. Therefore, what you put on it is your business, unless you’ve using it to unprovoked and unjustly libel someone to cause them loss of business and reputation. Only then are you crossing a line.

As far as your personal opinions, beliefs, and convictions are concerned, these are yours to voice and they’re free. And when someone comes on your page and personally attacks you over one of your posts, technically, they’re in your house.

If anyone unfriends you because they don’t like what you have to say or how you say it, let them go because, obviously, anyone who doesn’t allow you to say what you feel and be yourself doesn’t and never did deserve your friendship in the first place. Also, they don’t deserve to have access to your page.

And if the person launches personal attacks against you by making nasty comments or threats, you can always delete them from your friends or followers list or block them completely.

You must realize that not everyone who sends you friend requests, who’s already on your friends’ list, or who follows you is your friend. Many of them are only there to check up on you and poke a nose in your business.

Several are there to see what you have to say and screenshot your posts so that they can show others as they pick it apart and take your words completely out of context in attempts to mar your good name. Others may be there to find out your marital status and see who your family members and friends are.

And once you realize this, you won’t feel nearly as bad the next time someone unfriends or unfollows you. In fact, you won’t even care. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

You should only value the approval and opinions of those you value the most- people who have proven that they value you in return- your family and closest friends.

Again, how much does this person mean to you?

Understand that if a person doesn’t mean a lot to you, neither will their opinions or judgements of you. And if a Facebook friend or Twitter or Instagram follower has a problem with one of your posts, either let them go, unfriend, or block them. It’s as simple as that.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

Space Invaders: 2 Ways Bullies Invade Your Personal Space

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Bullies are notorious for violating others’ personal space. They make it a point to get too close. I want you to understand that bullies do this deliberately to intimidate and challenge targets.

If you are a target of bullying, bullies will get in your face or stand too close behind you, sometimes so close their bodies are touching yours. Bullies purposefully crowd you to either intimidate you, challenge you or provoke you into a reaction. These violations are too blatant!

Different zone distances are practiced based on the relationship we have with the people in the room around us. They are as follows:

Intimate Zone – (6-18 inches) This distance between people is reserved for lovers, family, close friends, and pets. However, unwelcome bullies will move into your intimate zone when they’re feeling hostile toward you and are about to attack.

Girl sitting on the ground and drawing personal space. Selective focus

Anytime someone we don’t know, don’t trust or don’t like moves into this area, they are too close, and our minds and bodies automatically go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Some bullies may also invade the target’s intimate area only to toy with them and get them to react, then step back and laugh at the reaction. Do not ignore it! Call the bully out and let them know that they are in your personal space and that what they’re doing isn’t acceptable.

Personal Zone – (18-48 inches) We stand this far apart at parties and social gatherings. If bullies stand in the personal zone, they are still too close. Don’t be afraid to tell them in no uncertain terms to back the hell up!

Social Zone – (4-12 feet) These distances, we stand from strangers, clerks, and delivery people. Bullies will easily be able to get away with standing at these distances from their victims, so you might not want to react if you don’t want to look paranoid or unstable. But still, keep a close eye on your bully just in case they try to move closer!

Public Zone – (Over 12 feet) We stand at these distances when speaking publicly in front of an audience. Bullies can freely stand at these distances from their victims and not look conspicuous or threatening.

too close personal space bullied victim

(Zone distances- “The Definitive Book of Body Language,” Allan and Barbara Pease – pp. 194-195; 2004)

1.Sitting in your chair, leaning on your car, etc. – Any chair we sit in or any object we lean on or touch, we nonverbally lay claim to. Just as a dog will mark his territory by peeing on the spot he claims as his, people mark theirs by sitting, leaning, or touching the place or object they claim as theirs.

Other ways bullies invade their victim’s territory are leaning in the doorway of their office, dorm room, or house. Bullies may also prop their feet on the target’s desk or table or even walk into the victim’s home without knocking or being invited inside!

bullies dog peeing on tree marking territory

Male poodle dog pee on tree trunk to mark his territory

However, here are some less-obvious ways of space violations:

2. Invasion of your privacy – Bullies will very carefully observe you. They will eavesdrop on your conversations and listen for intimate details so they can take the private info and spread it as juicy gossip and make you look bad. They may also read your diary to find out your deepest, darkest secrets so they can spread it around and damage your reputation. They will even follow you to see where you go and who you associate with.

If you are a victim of bullying, understand that bullies do this on purpose. They invade your territory to intimidate, challenge, or dominate you.

You must protect not only your physical and mental health from bullies but also your personal space and territory. Never be afraid to call the bully out if they violate either one!

The more you know, the better you can protect yourself against these personal space invaders.