Category: abuse

why do schools ignore bullying incidents

Why do Schools Ignore Bullying? 7 Reasons Schools Do Nothing

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Why do schools ignore bullying? If you suffer constant bullying at school everyday, you’ve probably asked yourself this question many times. As someone with firsthand experience, I’m giving you the most common reasons every target of bullying should be aware of.

why do schools ignore bullying

It’s bad enough when you’re a kid in school and bullies use you for target practice. However, when the school continues to ignore it, even when you report it, it only makes things exponentially worse.

If you’re like I was, you’re probably desperately searching for answers. As someone who has experienced this firsthand, I’m giving you the most common reasons why schools ignore bullying

In this post you will learn the seven most common answers to the question, “Why do schools ignore bullying?”

Once you learn these popular reasons, it will relieve any confusion and you will be able to address the situation more appropriately.

This post gives you the answers to the question on the minds of every bullying victim, “Why do schools ignore bullying?” These are the answers that every target should know.

why do schools ignore bullying?

All too often, schools ignore reports of bullying and leave targets to fend for themselves. Moreover, this happens much more than we know.

School staff ignore you when you report your bullies to them. Maybe they trivialize your experiences or worse, blame you for your bullies’ behavior.

They may ask you what you’re doing to make them mistreat you. As a result, you probably feel victimized twice, once by the bullies and again by those who are supposed to protect you.

But realize that schools tend to sweep incidences of bullying under the rug and sadly, they do this all the time.

Therefore, here are the seven reasons schools do nothing about bullying.

1. They’re lazy.

Conducting an investigation into the case of bullying is extra work. Therefore, most school officials do not want to make any extra effort in resolving a case of bullying.

Often, they take the easy way out by either denying that there’s a problem or blaming you. And when your parents or guardians get involved, the school staff may often label them as “the unhinged mom/dad,” which is only a cop-out.

2. Why Do Schools Ignore Bullying? They’re afraid the bullies’ parents will retaliate.

Bullying is a learned behavior. Consequently, many bullies have parents who are also bullies themselves. Many of these parents are self-entitled.

Also, your bullies may also have powerful political connections in the town or on the school board. Therefore,  the school staff know too well that disciplining “the wrong kids” could mean an end to either their jobs or their entire careers.

3. They’re afraid that the school’s reputation may be tarnished.

Schools often hide cases of bullying to save face. In other words, the reputation of the school, sadly, takes priority over your well being.

Therefore, most schools know good and well when a child is bullied. However, they may consider that child a threat and, in worse cases, ostracize the poor kid and tell him/her to “keep your mouth shut” to cover their own behinds.

Moreover, bullied kids also have less power then other kids. So, it’s much easier for the school to not to do anything about the bullying when you report it.

4. Why do schools ignore bullying? They either don’t like you may even hate you.

Sadly, many teachers and school staff either dislike or hate their bullied students. Although these are supposed to be adults who were supposed to protect you, they don’t because of their personal feelings and emotions.

Moreover, when people bully you for a long period of time, they spread many lies and ugly rumors about you to defame you and destroy your reputation. It’s just another unpleasant aspect of bullying.

Teachers, principals, and school officials hear the lies and rumors as well. And they aren’t beyond making judgements based on what they’ve heard.

Additionally, school staff may even join in on negative gossip about you. Understand that although you may be one of the most goodhearted people around, the rumors and lies supersede the truth.

Therefore, in the minds of those at school, you’re “trouble.”

 Lies and rumors are powerful and they keep you locked in a prison of scrutiny and suspicion. As a result, you cannot be your true, awesome self due to the stress of being marginalized.

5. they didn’t like the way you responded or reacted to the bullying you suffered.

In other words,  because of having been bullied for so long, you may have reacted out of self-defense and exhaustion. You were so tired because bullies harassed you for so long that you really couldn’t help but to react.

Your bullies slyly used the reaction as further proof that you’re either trouble or you have a mental imbalance. Therefore, teachers and staff may think the worst of you.

Moreover, they may also think that because everyone else hates you, there must be a reason that justifies it. And so, they believe you deserve what is happening to you.

Consequently, when a teacher does not like you, they may either refuse to help you or secretly take pleasure in seeing you suffer. Realize that teachers and school staff are just as capable as the classroom bullies of hating and hurting students they deem undesirable.

6. Why Do Schools Ignore bullying? The bullies are athletes or cheerleaders

Understand that these kids make the school look good. Star athletes on sports teams win games and help the school team reach the playoffs. This only further bolsters the school’s image. The same thing goes for cheerleaders.

They enter regional and state cheer competitions and if they win, the schools’ reputation goes up. Therefore, the cheerleaders appeal to the self-interest of the school and school district.

7. The bullies excel in studies and are candidates for college.

Again, these bullies make the school look good. Schools desire to crank out graduates that are high achievers and go on to college. The more college-bound students they have, the better the schools look and the more parents will want to send their kids to the school.

Moreover, the more students a school has, the more funding they get from the government. Therefore, these schools aren’t going to do anything to mess this up.

Why Do schools ignore bullying?

What parents can do

This is why parents must stay proactive in protecting and advocating for their child even when it seems that the school isn’t listening.

Let them know that you will not go away until the problem is solved. Go to the media if you have to.

Therefore, gather your own evidence. Get a journal and have your child document each incidence of bullying, using the 5W method. And, depending on the laws in your state, you can have your child wear a hidden body camera or hide an audio recording device on them to get evidence of bullying.

Moreover, you must save any email correspondence with the school and save it on three different flash drives. Then hide them in different locations to keep the evidence safe.

Be there for your child. Assure your child that his/her reputation does not equal character and that the bullies have the issues.

Know there will come a time when your child will escape their tormentors and have true friends who love them for them. Constantly tell them that they are worthy of having friends and being loved.

You might just keep your child’s self-esteem from completely tanking and even save his/her life!

What you can do if you’re the victim of school bullying

When schools do nothing about bullying, it’s up to you to protect yourself.

Document each incidence of bullying when you get home from school. Do this while the incidents are still fresh in your mind.

I can’t stress this enough. Keep your documents at home. Never take them to school because bullies are nosy and they will rummage through your stuff when your back is turned. The last thing you want is for them to find your documentation.

Wear a hidden body camera or hide an audio recording device on you. However, be sure you know what the laws in your state allow before you do this.

If you live in a one-party consent state, cameras and recording devices are legal and you can use them. On the other hand, if you live in a two-party consent state, you must have the permission of the people you record before you can use them.

Therefore, it’s important to know the laws before you carry this out.

Another way you can gather proof is to screenshot and save any incendiary messages and comments on your social media pages. Moreover, save any bullying emails, and test messages.

The more proof of bullying you collect, the stronger case you’ll have if you must take it to the school board or to court.

This post is all about the question, “Why do schools ignore bullying?” so that you can have the answers you’ve been looking for and be better able to decide what your recourse should be.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop a Bully from Bullying You: 7 Powerful Strategies

2. Important Facts About Bullying: 3 Truths You Must Learn

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Know Your Enemy: 7 Reasons to Gather Intel on Your Bullies

5. The 4 Stages of Bullying

foes

The Advantages of Having Enemies: 7 Powerful Positives You Can Take from It

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‘Want to know the advantages of having enemies? Here are all the positives that you need to know about.

the advantages of having enemies

Many people, especially victims of bullying, belief that having enemies is a bad thing. But, what if I told you that there are positives to having enemies?

In this post, you will learn the advantages of having enemies so that you can finally feel better about having them.

Once you learn all the positives enemies can bring, your confidence will rise and you will feel so much better about yourself. Also, you will be able to more calmly and intelligently deal with any bully who comes for you.

This post is all about the advantages of having enemies that you must be aware of in order to boost your confidence and self-esteem.

The Advantages of Having Enemies

“You can tell a man’s vises by his friends, his virtues by his enemies.” – Ben Domenech.

There is value in having enemies. If you meet a person who has not one enemy, you would naturally be suspicious of that person and wonder if they’re either lying or mistaken.

However, if they do have enemies and (even better) are proud of that, it means they stood for something at some point in life. As a result, they made some people uncomfortable.

Understand that everyone has enemies. They may not admit it or may not know it, but they do have an enemy out there somewhere.

What are the advantages of having enemies?

Before we get to the advantages, let’s first discuss why it is that most people consider enemies a bad thing.

Too many people feel that they must win a popularity contest, and they go out of their way to do it. They suck up, trying to be someone they aren’t just to run with the pack.

Moreover, they  seek attention, and bully those they see as defective. What’s even sadder is that they reach a point where they don’t know who they are anymore.

The sad thing is that, in doing these self-demeaning things, they unknowingly make themselves slaves to other people’s opinions and, therefore, slaves to others.

You must know that this is a waste of time and too much work. Even worse, it chips away at your self-esteem. You end up letting yourself down to please others, and that’s not good.

Realize that the only way you can be free is to be true to yourself and let others have their opinions of you, good or bad. Realize that opinions are just that- opinions. 

Opinions are like elbows. Everybody has them and they’re are just as cheap as talk.

We must learn to re-frame our attitudes about enemies.

Enemies have a negative opinion of you. Some may dislike you and some may even hate you. However, instead of trying to win over people who can’t be won, be glad that you have enemies because enemies see you as a challenge.

Moreover, some may view you as a threat to them somehow and others may want to compete with you in something.

Therefore, rest assured that having enemies can be a good thing. It’s all in the way you look at it.

Also, realize that your enemies don’t know you on a personal level, and probably never did. They aren’t and never were anyone who matters.

The weight you should give to anyone’s opinions, thoughts, or feelings depends on who holds it and and the relationship you have with those people.

Here are the advantages of having enemies:

1. Having enemies means that you stood for something.

Whether you stood up for your beliefs and convictions, or you stood up for someone being bullied, you stood for something and that angers a lot of people.

Also, you may have refused to participate in something bad. Or, you may have refused to go along with something that could’ve gotten people hurt or killed, you had the courage to be disliked. This makes you a very brave person with integrity.

Therefore, understand that bullies and their followers lack integrity. And those who don’t have integrity are people who’s approval and acceptance you don’t need. Feel great about making enemies out of them!

2. The advantages of having enemies is that you’re not afraid to be yourself.

You’re authentically you, and that’s a good thing. Sadly, there are more fake people in the world than there are people who are genuine. So, anytime you choose to just be yourself, you will make enemies. See this as a given.

Understand that when you choose to be yourself, you choose such sweet freedom. Maybe your enemies are jealous of your freedom and the confidence and strength of character you exude. Maybe they want those characteristics that you possess but don’t know how to get them.

Also, realize that fake people feel very threatened by those who decide to be themselves because a person who is true to themselves is more likely to call them out on their fakery.

Therefore, always keep these things in mind.

3. There’s power in having enemies.

Yes! You heard that correctly!

The reason for that power is that your enemies automatically make you relevant. In an enemy’s desire to “get you,” you consume their mind. In other words, they can’t stop thinking about you and obsessing over ways to stick it to you.

Therefore, which person has the power, them or you? This is true especially if you have an enemy who hates you.

4. The Advantages of having enemies: You control your enemies whether you mean to or not.

This goes back to number three because when you control something, you have power over it, whether or not it’s intentional.

An example of this would be your enemy catching sight of you at a party or in the supermarket. A flood of negative emotions immediately washes over them. Your enemy may either lash out or they may leave. Either way, you made an impact on them, regardless if it’s negative.

That’s power!

5. You might have beat them at something.

Whether your partner chose you over them or you beat them at a contest, let’s face it. Most people are sore losers, especially nowadays.

So, instead of agonizing over it, feel good about it!

6. The Advantages of Having Enemies: They motivate you to do well.

Nothing feels better than to show up an enemy. Therefore, let that be a motivation for you to follow your dreams. Continue to follow your path, work on your goals, and live your best life!

7. They can strengthen your courage and your resilience if you let them.

 This means using your enemies as fuel to power through obstacles and get things done. Achieve and accomplish! Your enemies may or may not notice, but you will.

Celebrate the small wins you enjoy!

The Advantages of Having Enemies:

In Conclusion

Understand that anyone’s dislike or hatred of you more than likely comes from a place of ignorance, stupidity, bitterness, jealousy, or insecurity. Nothing more.

And take it with a grain of salt. Moreover, only value the opinions of those who know you- God, and those of you closest family members and friends.

It’s the same with your bullies and haters- they dislike or hate you out of any or all of the above filthy five characteristics mentioned above.

Furthermore, realize that to be hurt, angered, and offended by someone, you must first value their opinions. This means that you must value them to some degree.

When you stop caring what bullies think of you, you stop valuing their opinions. In that, you stop giving bullies value and consideration they haven’t earned. Therefore, you stop giving them power by not allowing their thoughts and how they feel about your to control you.

Know Your Worth.

Begin seeing your worth and you realize that you are much more successful and better off than they will probably ever be. Moreover, ask yourself these questions:

“Have any of these people even reached my level?”

“Do their opinions even matter?

“Who are they that I should even care?”

Therefore, if you’re a target of bullying, you should have the same attitude. Realize that not everyone’s thoughts or opinions, especially enemies, are relevant nor do their words mean anything.

Don’t let your enemies stop you from being yourself.

Always be yourself. Stand up for your beliefs and convictions. Have your own preferences and make your own choices. And do the things you love to do. And lastly, follow your own dreams and your heart. Do all of these things no matter who does or doesn’t like it.

So, if you have enemies, be proud of it. It means that you’ve taken a stand and that you’re not afraid to be different. If you have enemies and are okay with having them, then you have the freedom, and you can do anything you want. Always remember that

This post was all about the advantages of having enemies and what they can do for your confidence and self-esteem.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

bullies and jealousy

Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous

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‘Want to know about jealousy and bullying so that you can feel better about yourself and get a boost of confidence? Here are the proven signs of jealousy in bullies coming from someone who’s experienced it firsthand.

jealousy and bullying

Bullying adds undue stress in your every day life. Even worse is what it can do to your self-esteem and confidence. However, what if I told you that there’s a link between jealousy and bullying?

In this post, you will learn the signs that your bullies are bullying you because they are jealous of something (and it could be anything) you have that they don’t.

Once you learn these indicators, you will be able to keep your confidence and self-esteem from tanking. Moreover, you will be more resistant to your bullies’ attacks by knowing their harassment only comes from deep-seated feelings of inferiority.

This post is all about the connection between jealousy and bullying and the tell-tale signs that every victim of bullying must know.

Jealousy and Bullying

Bullying is usually unprovoked. Therefore, it’s a save bet that the majority of bullying, in fact, comes from jealousy.

So, what are the signs that your bullies are bullying you out of jealousy?

1. They undermine your confidence.

They do this by constantly tearing you down either to your face or behind your back.

Those who tear you down to your face want to plant seeds of self-doubt in your mind. In other words, they want to wreck your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t let them. Feel free to come back with a witty burn. Or, you can just let the bullies’ petty insults roll down your back. However you choose to counter their childish attacks, don’t believe their lies for a minute!

People who back bite you are secretly jealous of you. These bullies will insult you and criticize you behind your back.

However, they won’t have the guts to say anything to your face because you intimidate them. They will always degrade you when you’re not there to defend yourself.

So, you shouldn’t take these people seriously because they’re not only jealous of you. They’re great big cowards!

With that said, here are other reasons they may gossip about you when your back is turned. These reasons alone should give your confidence a huge boost!

a. You make them feel powerless

b. They know that what they’re saying is either exaggerated or untrue.

c. If you’re not there to hear them, you can’t call them out on it and they can say what they want.

d. Tearing you down restores their own image. When you look bad, they think it makes them look good. They then start to feel superior again as they drag you through the mud.

2. Jealousy and bullying: Jealous Bullies will trivialize your successes and accomplishments.

Bullies who are jealous of you will try to make you feel bad about your achievements. They say things like, “Anybody could’ve done that!” or “You didn’t do anything special!”

The reason these people act like this is that they only wish they’d done it themselves.

Put simpler, bullies undermine your achievements and successes because they don’t want to feel like a failure in comparison to you.

Therefore, feel good about it when they make these kinds of statements. Because it means that they subconsciously feel that you’re superior to them and they’re only trying to bring you down to their level.

Stay above it!

3. They provoke you into arguments and altercations.

This can be aggravating. They start confrontations with you because they don’t like to lose! And when people are jealous of you, you may seem better than them in a lot of ways.

You may be super intelligent or very attractive. You may have a good reputation and have lots of friends. You may have more than them- anything really.

However, jealous bullies provoke the pettiest, stupidest arguments and refuse to give up because they feel insecure around you. Be aware that bullies need to score these petty little victories to feel good about themselves again.

These bullies feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing.

Anytime they interact with you, they are searching for any weakness or flaw you may have that they can exploit. Bullies who are jealous will bide their time, waiting for you to say something wrong.

And when you finally do, they’ll make a huge deal of it. They will make a mountain out of a molehill and never let it go!

 The point is that jealous bullies are desperate to beat you at something!

4. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous harbor Blind hatred.

Sometimes these types of bullies can’t pinpoint and don’t know what to do with their jealousy. However,  if the bullies really hate you, why are you on their minds so much?

Could it be because they’re trying to cover up how much they like and admire you? Therefore, they may tell others how much they despise you when they actually want to be like you.

5. They copy you.

They may copy your image by dressing like you. Also, they may steal your ideas and your work and claim it as theirs.

Moreover, they may imitate you.

Therefore, feel good about that because anyone who copies you wants to be like you.

6. They will make up competition.

Again. Understand that jealous bullies do that because they are desperately trying to beat you at something – anything! They’ll challenge you at something you don’t normally do or something they know you aren’t good at.

And they won’t stop until they beat you at something. But let them. And when they finally do, just clap and be happy for them.

In other words, let them have that little win because you’ve got bigger and better things to accomplish. And – it might even get them off your back for a while.

Please know that you aren’t at fault in this situation. You did do anything wrong. Understand that these people have issues and they need help!

However, they will never in this lifetime admit that to you or anyone else.

Keep shining and keep knowing that the reason these people do these things is that they really know that you’re awesome. And it scares them to death!

7. Jealousy and Bullying: Bullies who are jealous of you will try to steal your spotlight.

This is especially true of those who have narcissistic personality disorder. These bullies have to be at the top of the game in everything. Also, they must be the center of attention- all the time.

Therefore, anyone who outshines them in any way is fair game for attack. If you have any talents, anything at all you’re good at, or in which you’re super successful, these bullies will never stop coming after you.

Moreover, they’ll often accuse you behind your back (and sometimes to your face) of the following:

1. “She’s just showing off.”
2. “Oh, she’s just trying to get attention.”
3. “He just loves to flaunt his (money, material possessions, masculinity, etc.)”
4. “She’s not so hot!”
5. “He’s a wuss, wimp, etc.”
6. “You’re arrogant, full of yourself, pompous, stuck up, etc.”

But again, know where it all comes from and you will rise above the pettiness and your confidence will continue to soar!

A few additional but important points to remember:

These bullies will often accuse you of the same things they are guilty of themselves.

Also by continuing to display your talents, win awards, garner favor with others, and charm those in authority, you unwillingly offend the bullies’ excessive vanity.

In other words, you instill an imbalance of their sense of self and make them doubt their superiority by poking holes in their importance.

Jealousy and bullying: Which Bullies are more likely to be jealous of you?

Bullies who are jealous are most likely to be at the top of the pecking order. These are the popular kids at school or the high executives in the workplace.

So, understand that people such as these can’t accept being outdone in anything by anyone. And if they’re outshone by anyone they deem as inferior, which is you, all the worse!

Then, they’ll stop at nothing to put you back in your place.

Understand that they don’t care about your talents, your natural gifts, your successes, or smarts. If anything, they despise them. Jealous bullies hate any threat to their superiority.

Bullies Despise Success in Anyone They Deem Inferior

Additionally, these bullies will have followers who will kiss up to them and many others who are afraid of them. You’ll know these bullies right away when you meet them. Moreover, you’ll be able to pick them out of a huge crowd.

They’ll be the loud, obnoxious, and arrogant people in the room. Also, these bullies will be in a clique and will have attitudes of self-entitlement.

Moreover, they’ll expect perks and favors and, more than likely, get them. Anyone outside of their group, they will treat like dirt under their shoes.

Although talk is cheap and what they say behind your back is just a bunch of hot air, be careful these bullies don’t try to do something harmful to you.

Jealousy and Bullying: What to do and not to do If you attract hatred from these bullies:

1. Never reveal your plans and goals.
2. Never share anything you wouldn’t want anyone to know.
3. Display your talents, yes. But don’t brag about them.
4. Don’t lower yourself for anyone, but don’t be too flashy with any intelligence, especially in the workplace.
5. Politely thank those who compliment you. Nothing more.
6. Humble yourself, yes. But you don’t have to undermine yourself to satisfy these brutes. Quiet confidence is key here.

Do these things, and you’re less likely to have a target on your back!

this post was all about jealousy and bullying so that you can use it to buffer your confidence and self-esteem when people bully you.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

5. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

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Bullying by Teachers: 15 Proven Signs a Teacher is Bullying You

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Unfortunately, bullying by teachers is not uncommon. ‘Want to know the 15 signs your teacher is bullying you? These are the proven and time-tested signs that I’ve personally experienced.

bullying by teachers

It’s one thing when other students bully you. However, it’s another when the people harassing you are teachers. Being bullied by a teacher can be devastating because the bullying teacher holds a lot of power over you. So, how do you know if a teacher is bullying you and what can you do about it?

In this post, you will learn the surefire signs of bullying by teachers and the steps you can take to protect yourself.

Once you learn these tell-tale indicators, not only will you know what to do in your particular situation, but you’ll gather the courage to do what you must do to protect yourself and your future.

This post is all about bullying by teachers, the signs to look for, and what you can do to defend yourself and secure your future.

Bullying by teachers

Sadly, teachers who bully students are more common than we think. Although most schoolteachers are altruistic souls who love kids and want to help them, there are also plenty of bad apples in the teaching profession.

Many teachers and school staff often stick targets of mobbing and bullying with labels. They brand them with labels, such as, “trouble,” “difficult,” or “problem child.”

Consequently, this sets a dangerous precedent because it sets the targeted child up to be discriminated against by their school.  Moreover, it encourages other classmates to bully the targeted kid worse.

Therefore, when adults become prejudiced against a child, it creates a very hostile and dangerous environment.

Why? Because victims aren’t afforded the same due process that their classmates enjoy. As a result, the school staff only empower the bullies. Even worse, they end up supporting the bullies, even encouraging them to bully that child.

And because the child’s brain is still developing, they may not know how to handle such abuse.

What happens when targets act out due to prolonged bullying and resulting stress?

Let’s face it, no one can withstand the intense pressure of bullying and mobbing for long. A person can only be pushed so far. If you kick a dog long enough, you’ll get bit eventually.

When a target is bullied and mobbed by their classmates, they are forced to submit to horrendous and downright grotesque abuse.  Then, when teachers join in, it compounds an already horrific situation,.

However, this kind of bullying is unfathomable to most adults. The message targets receive from others is just to “shut up and take it.”

In fact, when you’re a target of school bullying and mobbing, your world becomes quite Kafkaesque. Moreover, even you have a hard time believing what you’re experiencing. So, is it any wonder that no one else can believe it either?

The questions, “What the hell?” and “Is this really happening?” come to mind.  You feel as if you’ve stepped into the twilight zone.

This is because being mobbed is the feeling of being crushed by nonsensical, bizarre, and blind abuse.

Just imagine what this does to a child or teenager.

Bullying by teachers: the targeted child is powerless to understand or control what is happening.

The target suffers mistreatment, isolation, exclusion, and yes- even brutal physical beatings.

Therefore, the bullied child will be too afraid to plead for help because he knows that the school staff will ignore his cries. And what’s more frightening is that his bullies will take retribution on him for daring to open his mouth.

Eventually the target snaps and acts inappropriately due to long-lasting and extreme stress because the bullying and abuse she suffers has only fallen on deaf ears.

The bullies assaults against the target will continue to be overlooked. However, the target’s reactions to it won’t be ignored. Therefore, the target becomes re-victimized by the very adults, school, and system which are supposed to protect her.

Here’s an example:

A girl is bullied by everyone in her class. The teacher either doesn’t see it or thinks the girl deserves it.

Also, maybe, the teacher thinks that bullying is only a right of passage that builds character. During one occasion, the bully sitting behind the targeted girl pulls her hair.

As a result, the target gets fed up with the bullies’ attacks. Unable to tolerate any more abuse, she turns around and punches the bully who pulled her hair.

Now the teacher, very conveniently, doesn’t see the other girl pull the target’s hair. However, she does see the target turn around and punch the bully in the nose. Therefore, the teacher punishes the target without even considering what the other classmate did to prompt her to punch her.

Consequently, the message the teacher sends is crystal clear. The victim has no recourse, and the bully has carte blanche to continue bullying her in the future.

And so, it goes. The same scenario repeats itself a few times. And, the next thing you know, it is the victim the school staff paints with a bad brush.  Afterwards, everyone becomes labels her a riffraff.

The principal then, from time to time, catches the victim in the hall between classes. He tells her, aloud, in front of the other students, that she’d better watch her step because he has his eye on her.

As fate would have it, the other kids, especially the bullies, overhear the principal and see it as the green light they’ve been looking for. Therefore, they become even more emboldened to continue their abuse because they know the school authorities will only blame her and give them a pass.

Bullying by teachers: The bullying gets worse because, after all, if the victim complains, who’s going to listen to them? They’re the “problem child.”

Therefore, the school staff continue to harangue the target, making her situation much worse than what it needs to be. And their justification for their treatment of the victim is to protect the other students who fit into what is “normal” and obey the rules.

Conveniently, they continue use this excuse to defend their emotional abuse of the victim. Thus, they get to single her out for humiliation in front of God and everyone anytime they feel like it.

Understand that, when this occurs, the school is willingly participating in destroying another human being.

Therefore, if you’re one of these targeted students, it’s imperative that you hold on to your sense of self. Hold on to your pride, confidence, and self-belief with everything you have.

It’s also crucial that all you parents and grandparents teach these children how. You must teach your bullied kids to believe in themselves even when it seems that no one else believes in them. You must teach them to know their worth even when it seems that others don’t.

Moreover, you must teach your kids to love and respect themselves even as others hate and disrespect them. Why? Because it is during the most difficult times that they’re need these virtues the most.

With that said, here are the signs of bullying by teachers:

1. The teacher harshly punishes you for things everyone else in the class gets away with.

If ever you notice that your teacher yells at or punishes you for things other classmates get away with, it’s a sure sign they’re singling you out.

Realize that anytime teachers bully students, they seem to actively look for the tiniest of infractions to use against these students.

Therefore, watch for the next time another student does the thing the teacher reprimanded you for. And once you see it, call it out to the teacher by asking, “Didn’t he just do the same thing you got onto me for? And he gets a pass.”

That’s right. We must have the courage to call these things out because it’s the only way to change it.

Another thing you can do is to document it all in detail. Sometimes, you must do your own investigation and gather your own evidence. This means keeping your own records of every bullying incident.

Therefore, write it down in a daily journal and be sure to use the 5W method. When you use the 5W method, you write down the What, Who, When, Where, and Why. And if possible, How.

In other words, you must record What happened and Who was involved and the names of any witnesses. Also, record When the incident occurred by writing down the exact date and time of incident.

Additionally, you must record Where it happened and Why it happened. For instance, did it happen in third period class. And was it because you previously reported the teacher for bullying you earlier that week?

Documentation is of the utmost importance when a person in power bullies you.

2. Bullying by teachers: The teacher allows bullies in class to bully you.

Anytime the teacher watches others bullying you and fails to address it, it’s called dereliction of duty. Or, you can call it neglect.

Whatever you call it, the teacher is clearly not doing their job and you should make note of it. Therefore, again, document this incident using the 5W method.

3. The teacher tries to humiliate you in class.

Again, here’s where documentation is useful. If nothing else, understand this.

Anytime a teacher or anyone in authority bullies you, it’s no time to be lazy. You must be proactive and how you do it is to keep a written record.

4. The teacher tells you that you’ll never amount to anything.

Therefore, document that! And most importantly, don’t you believe it for a second. See this remark for what it is and what it’s designed to do.

This teacher is trying to tear down your confidence and make you feel bad about yourself. Moreover, the bully teacher is trying to plant seeds in your mind in hopes that you’ll believe it and live up to it.

But, don’t you dare! Hang on to your confidence and know that this teacher is lying to you!

5. Bullying by teachers: Deliberately ignoring you or chewing you out when you have a question or need help with an assignment.

Again, document this. Also realize that the reason this teacher doesn’t want to answer your question is because she wants you to fail.

Therefore, find a friend or another adult who can answer your question. Or find a tutor to help you.

6. Calling or Labeling you “a student of low intelligence.”

Maybe the teacher tells you that you’re d*mb or that you’re st*pid. Maybe he calls you those names behind your back. Whatever the case, this teacher does this to make you feel bad about yourself.

Therefore, don’t internalize this. Instead, see the evil intentions behind it and document it.

7. Yelling and screaming at you.

This is the bullying teacher’s way to intimidate you, silence you, or humiliate you in front of the class. Again, you must document this.

Another thing that bears mentioning is that, depending on the laws of your jurisdiction, you can wear a hidden camera and record these things. Just make sure you live in a state or jurisdiction that doesn’t require a two-party consent to record.

8. Bullying by teachers: Putting your parents or siblings down and making negative remarks about your home life.

This is also abuse. Therefore, document it in detail or record it if the laws in your area allow.

9. Publicly announcing a bad grade you may have made.

This is designed to humiliate you in front of an audience and cause you embarrassment. Again, document and, if you can, record!

10. Labeling you “a failure.”

Again, when a teacher tells you that you’re a failure, he wants to convince you of it to increase your chances of living up to it. Therefore, know that just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true.

Always remember that, and document their bullying.

11. Defaming you to other teachers and students.

The purpose of defamation is to turn others against you. Moreover, it’s a way to block you from making friends and being successful with potential partners.

Also, people use it to block you from opportunities, be they business, educational, career, or employment.

And lastly, people defame you to cut you off from any kind of help or support. Therefore, document everything- every instance of bullying, harassment, and defamation, no matter how slight.

By writing it down, you record it. In that, you establish a pattern of abuse and, therefore, evidence that is admissible in court!

12. Bullying by Teachers: encouraging the other classmates to bully you.

Bully teachers do this to inflict psychological pain and to turn others against you. You must understand that there are some pretty sadistic teachers out there. In other words, these teachers secretly enjoy making their target students suffer.

Moreover, they do it to isolate you and to convince you that you’re completely alone.

Therefore, document it and save it as evidence for a future lawsuit!

13. Putting you down for your beliefs, values, and convictions.

Nowadays, most people don’t like to agree to disagree like they did in the old days. Today, people seem to tolerate differences less and less.

Moreover, those differences include beliefs, values, convictions, and opinion.

Therefore, understand that you have a right to your own opinions and you’re NOT WRONG if your beliefs and values differ from anyone else’s.

I will repeat this a thousand times if I have to: document the bullying either on paper or by recording. Just know the laws in your area before using a recording device.

14. Bullying By Teachers: Giving you lower grades than what you deserve.

Bullying teachers do this to set you up for failure and to make you look bad.

This should be illegal. However, it’s not unheard of for bully teachers to give students they don’t like lower grades than the other classmates. And this happens regardless of whether the bad grade is warranted.

If you suspect that a teacher has committed this dishonest act against you, have another teacher you know and trust look over the assignment in which the bad grade was given.

If you and the good teacher find evidence that you’ve been given an undeserved bad grade, take pictures of the poorly graded paper and the checked correct answers. Then, document it.

15. Making excessively negative and brutal remarks on your papers, conduct reports, or report cards.

Again, this sets you up for failure and marks you as a bad student. Therefore, if you find these things on your progress and conduct reports, papers, and report cards, take pictures of it all with your phone. Then, document!

This post was all about the signs of bullying by teachers so that you can take the appropriate steps to protect yourself and your future.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

2. Gaslighting Examples: 11 Noteable Tactics Gaslighters Use

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

I need you

When You Need Someone More Than They Need You: 8 Ways to Tip the Scales of Power!

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When you need someone more than they need you, what do you do to break the spell that person has over you? Would you like to know? As someone who’s been caught in that trap, I’m giving you eight easy ways to tip the scales of power in your favor.

when you need someone more than they need you

You may be a victim of bullying who’s rejected, lonely and desperate for friends. Or, maybe you’re a battered woman trapped in an abusive and controlling relationship. Nevertheless, anytime you need someone else more than they need you, it’s a trap that’s hard to pry yourself out of.

As someone who’s been there, I’m giving you effective ways to tip the scales of power in your favor when you need someone more than they need you.

You will learn easy and foolproof ways to escape the grip of a controlling person whether it’s a bully, fake friend, or abusive partner. You will then take back control of your life.

Once you learn all about these empowering methods, you will re-empower yourself and take back your personal power, independence, and your freedom. Then, you will be able to lead your life in the direction you wish and bravely assert your rights to be treated with dignity and respect.

This post is all about how to tip the balance of power when you need someone more than they need you. Also, it’s about becoming re-empowered to take your autonomy and your life back so that you can finally live happier and in peace.

When you need someone more than they need you.

So, what happens anytime you allow someone to put you in the position where you need them more than they need you?

You allow someone else to control you. In that, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner and to be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

In other words, you put yourself at the other’s mercy.

Therefore, never allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid that you won’t find another partner. The same goes if you’re a target of bullying. Never hang on to fake friends because you’re afraid that you won’t find other friends.

Moreover, never seek attention because you feel deprived of it. Why? Because, if you do any of these things, you make yourself a slave to others.

As a result, you lose your value in the eyes of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable.

What other people see when you need someone more than they need you

Understand that people have a tendency not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who constantly makes themselves readily available. It’s the same for a person who always hangs around, and (gasp!) who chases after approval and human connection.

On the other hand, a person who makes themselves rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when bullies bully you. Also, I realize the level of heartache when fake friends throw you under the bus and turn on you. Therefore, my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. And you definitely don’t want to do it by giving these people the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

They may disparage you; they may judge you, they may gossip about you, but let them do it. Moreover, let them misunderstand you and look down their noses at you. Just don’t let them know that their bullying is ruining your life.

Every bully’s biggest desire is to see for themselves how their abuse affects you.

Nine times out of ten, the people who do these things to you want to know how it hurts you. In other words, they want to see your wounds. They want to see you beg and plead. They want to see you hurt- and hurt badly.

And why not? It’s a dark part of human nature that people who want to hurt you want confirmation that their abuse is working to tear you down. And most of all, they want confirmation that they have power over you.

Your bullies and abusers want absolute assurance that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Furthermore, they want you dependent on their say so.

Therefore, don’t give them the satisfaction!

I’ve known women with abusive husbands, who let their abusers talk them into quitting their jobs or dropping out of college. As a result, each of these women gave up her independence.

 Thus, she became totally dependent on him. Consequently thereafter, he had free reign to do with her whatever he wanted.

The end result when you need someone more than they need you:

My very abusive grandfather did the same to my grandmother when she worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant during the mid-sixties. Calling herself being the dutiful wife, she allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

Moreover, my granddad promised her that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job.

Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid off. Additionally, he sold the car behind her back! Right out from under her!

Therefore, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and tipped the balance of power in her favor.

A bully can be a domineering classmate, a supervisor, or an abusive spouse or parent.

My grandfather was also an abusive, domineering parent. He tried to control the life of his oldest daughter, my aunt.

For example, he tried to keep her from marrying the love of her life when she was eighteen years old. Why? Because he wanted to keep her under his roof and therefore, under his thumb and within his reach.

However, she dared to defy him and get married anyway, with my grandmother’s permission. My aunt married Uncle Gene behind my grandfather’s back.

As a result, granddad showed up at the house my aunt and her new husband had rented and physically attacked her in her own driveway.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you this story. It’s because there’s a point to it. And, the point is that bullies, whether at home, in the workplace, in any form of government, or at school, want the same thing.

They want their targets to need them more than the bullies need their targets. In other words, they want complete control over their target’s lives.

Understand that this is all a form of coercive control.

When you need someone more than they need you, you leave yourself at that person’s mercy.

What do these bullies have to gain from ruling their targets with an iron fist? Power! Raw power! That’s what they have to gain.

Put simpler, bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Moreover, bullies in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs. In that, they need their approval to provide for themselves and their families.

Also, it’s the same with bullies in government, better known as tyrants or despots. Tyrants want their constituents to think they need their permission to have freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so to have friends and a good social life. Moreover, they want the power to decide whether their victims have psychological and physical safety.

Understand that bullies are all about CONTROL and DOMINANCE. Nothing more!

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

What are the easy ways to tip the scales of power when you need someone more than they need you?

1. Do Not Comply.

In other words, if you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting. Moreover, if he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, take it with a grain of salt.

Continue to stand firm no matter how tough he makes life for you at home. Also, the same goes if you’re a student and he wants you to drop out of college. Keep going to class and do NOT drop out.

Understand that much of the power a bully holds depends on your compliance. Therefore, when you refuse to comply with bullies’ demands, you instantly snatch back your personal power.

2. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away.

Here’s another nugget of advice for abused partners. Quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

Abusive partners will take control of any money that comes into the household. Why? To keep you broke so that you’ll stay dependent on them.

Think about it! Communist and Socialist governments do the same thing to the people they govern. Dictators, Tyrants, and Despots take complete control of business and production and seize the food and money supply to ensure that the people obey their demands. Also, they do these things to keep the people dependent on government for their very survival.

Abusive and controlling partners and tyrannical governments (dictators, tyrants, and despots) are the same types of people. Bullies are bullies are bullies!

This brings me to number three.

3. When you need someone more than they need you: What If you’re under the rule of a bully official?

If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands, or even millions. Therefore, there is strength in numbers.

Find a way to use that against them.

4. What If you’re the target of bullying in the workplace by a bully boss or bully coworkers?

If this is the case, you should quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. Moreover, whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference.

Then, when you find another job, quit!

Understand that staying in a toxic workplace isn’t worth the risks to your mental health! Therefore, find a way out as soon as possible!

5. Make friends outside the bullying environment.

In other words, make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Your bullies and others at work or school may not value you. However, it doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace won’t.

Chances are that it will be much easier for you to make new friends outside of the toxic place. Therefore, do this. However, when you do, know that there’s no need to tell your new friends about the bullying you suffer at work or school.

This is information nobody on the outside (besides your family) needs to know.

6. Take a self-defense class.

If you’re dealing with physical bullies, you may want to take a self-defense class. MMA training helps to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

However, it’s best not to use it until you advance a few levels and feel confident in what you’ve learned.

7. Keep your sense of self intact.

In other words, continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat and degrade you. Hold onto your self-belief.

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. Know that you have a choice of whether to keep toxic people in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. They may mistreat you terribly, but they can’t take your mind if you don’t let them.

8. If all else fails, leave the toxic environment. Rent a new house or move to a new area, job, or school.

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

In conclusion, never allow someone to put you in a position where you need them more than they need you. Find a way to re-balance those power scales!

This post was all about what to do when you need someone more than they need you so that you can take back your personal power.

1. How to Outsmart a Bully: 1 Proven Strategy.

2. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

3. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

4. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think

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Be happy, be yourself! It’s an important phrase to know because being yourself equals being happy. When you find the courage to be authentic, there are many benefits that come with it.

be happy be yourself

When people are bullying you for only existing, the idea of being yourself can sound downright scary because you feel that it isn’t a safe thing to do.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn of all the great advantages you’ll have from just being the real you.

After you learn all these wonderful advantages, you will have the courage to just be you, without fear nor guilt.

Be happy, be yourself!

If bullies abuse you from every corner, you must gather all your courage to get comfortable with yourself, practice self-love, and to stop worrying about other’s opinions of you. I know it’s scary, I’ve been there. So, I understand your fear and apprehension and I don’t blame you.

However, when you finally stop caring about the opinions of others, bullies will eventually get tired of waiting for you to screw up, get bored, and go away.

Remember that bullies love to see you scared and that’s why they keep on doing the same childish stuff they do. And believe me, they want to keep you fearful because it feeds their egos.

Your fear is how your bullies control you. Therefore, do you want to spend years allowing them to keep control over your very existence?

What if I told you that there are huge benefits to not giving a crap?

Be happy, Be Yourself. What are the benefits?

1. You save your energy for better and more important things.

Consistently seeking approval gets exhausting. You worry needlessly over people who aren’t even worth your time. Moreover, you send the message that you need them more than they need you. And once you do that, you unwittingly tip the scales of power in their favor.

Therefore, never, ever  feel that you need anyone more than they need you. Put the value on yourself instead. This way, you save your energy for only people who love you and who deserve you- your family and closest friends.

They are the only people whose opinions should matter. Anyone outside of that circle of people shouldn’t be an issue.

2. You take your power back.

When you constantly try to win approval from others, you unknowingly give away your personal power. Also, you place it in the hands of people who could give less then a rip about you.

In contrast, when you stop caring what people think, you take your power back because you permit yourself to be yourself and to think independently.

Additionally, you stop apologizing for your flaws and learn to embrace them, knowing that we’re all human and that everyone has flaws.

This is how you take back control of your life and begin calling your own shots.

It means that you start doing the things you enjoy, and you also start looking down on and avoiding the people who make you feel bad about yourself. And believe it or not, those people will notice the difference in you. And they’ll disappear.

 Understand that anyone who you have to work to gain approval and acceptance from has no business in your life. Show this person the door. Fast! People like that, you can’t get rid of fast enough.

3. Be Happy, be Yourself: You discover freedom like you’ve never known.

When you stop caring what people think, you free yourself from their grip on you and take back your autonomy. In that, you take back control of your life.

On the other hand, when you seek approval from someone, you, in essence, lay a trap for yourself.  Moreover, you set yourself up to be that person’s prisoner.  And you can be sure that you will be discarded once you’ve served your purpose to them.

This is why people pleasing and approval seeking are so bad. Because you put yourself at the mercy of other people.

You make yourself too available to the people you’re trying so hard to score points with. But understand that people tend not to place much value, if any at all, on someone who’s always readily available.

Moreover, it’s the same with someone who is constantly around or (gasp!) someone who’s always chasing after human connection.

However, a person who does their own thing and is rare, scarce, mysterious, and allusive is usually the one who’s sought after. BE THAT PERSON!

Be that person who doesn’t give a damn what people think and watch things quickly change for the better!

Be Happy, Be Yourself: Here are a few examples and scenarios to make things easier:

1. You have a boyfriend who treats you like garbage and you’ll still do anything to hang onto him. Your world revolves around him because you’re afraid he’ll leave you.

Anytime you allow your world to revolve around someone because you’re afraid they’ll leave and that you won’t find another partner, you make yourself a slave to a partner who doesn’t give a crap about you.. As a result, you lose your value in their eyes and those of others. In short, you make yourself expendable and replaceable

2. You’re a target of bullying and your bullies have turned everyone against you. To keep from being by yourself all the time, you hang around people who don’t really like you but only tolerate you. And you do this because you’re afraid you won’t make new friends and seek attention because you feel deprived of it.

Hey! I get it, I understand the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and despair when you’re being bullied and being thrown under the bus by others who’ve turned on you. And my heart goes out to you.

However, the last thing you want is to give away what dignity you have left. Also, you don’t want to give your bullies and anyone else the satisfaction of seeing your desperation.

Know how these bullies think. Nine times out of ten, your bullies want to know how it hurts you. They want to see your wounds. They want to watch you beg and plead.

Your bullies want to see your pain because they want assurance that their abuse is working and that they still have power over you. They want proof that they can determine how you feel about yourself. Most of all, your bullies want you dependent on their say so.

Again, don’t give them the satisfaction! Be happy, be yourself!

Although they may disparage you,  judge you, gossip about you, let them do it. Let them misunderstand you and let them look down their nose at you. Just don’t reward them by letting them know that their bullying is doing what they want it to do – ruining your life.

Otherwise, they’ll never stop! Because once bullies succeed in bringing you down, they will do their due diligence to keep you down.

Keep displaying strength and dignity and they’ll likely get bored and find another victim.

3. You’re a wife with an abusive husband and you let him talk you into quitting your job or dropping out of college. He promises to provide all your needs. And he does but at a high cost.

And that cost is that you give up what independence you had left and become totally dependent on someone who doesn’t love you. He only controls you and cares only for his own selfish desires.

Now, he has free reign over you and he can do to you whatever he wants. Talk about a power imbalance from hell, huh?

For example, my grandfather, who we suspect had narcissistic personality disorder, did the same to my grandmother during the mid-sixties. She worked for a T.V. manufacturing plant and allowed him to sweet talk her into quitting her job.

He promised that he would provide for all her needs and that he’d be a good husband to her if she’d only quit her job. Sadly, less than a month after she quit, he sold her candy apple red, ’66 Ford Mustang she had just paid for- behind her back! Right out from under her!

Case in point, he wanted her to need him more than he needed her. Thankfully, my grandmother eventually ended the marriage and moved on.

And when she got rid of him, she regained her freedom and lived in peace for the rest of her life!

Bullies are bullies no matter which environment you’re in! So Be happy Be yourself!

It’s all about control and the ability to dominate your life! Bullies in the home want their targets totally dependent on their approval to live in peace.

Those in the workplace want their targets to need their approval to keep and enjoy their jobs and to provide for themselves and their families.

Government bullies, better known as tyrants, want their constituents to think they need permission from them for freedom and to enjoy human rights.

Bullies at school want their targets to depend on their say so not only to enjoy having friends and a good social life, but also for psychological and physical safety.

So, how do we ensure that we never become dependent on another person?

We stop caring what people think! In that, we stop depending on their permission to enjoy life’s pleasures and fulfillment! Therefore, be happy, be yourself!

1. If you’re an abused wife, you keep your job, no matter how he may sweet talk you into quitting, no matter how he promises you that he’ll fulfill all your financial needs, and no matter how tough he makes life for you at home, or, if he wants you to drop out of college, don’t.

2. You quietly keep a private stash of money hidden away and keep saving until you can afford to bail out of the abusive marriage.

3. If you’re under the rule of a bully official, realize that the people outnumber this tyrant by the thousands and there is strength in numbers. Find a way to use that against them.

4. If you’re a target of bullying in the workplace, quietly update your resume and begin looking for another job. And whatever you do, find a way not to put the bully down as a reference. And when you find another job, quit!

5. Make friends outside the bullying workplace or school. Just because your bullies and others at work don’t value you doesn’t mean that people outside of the toxic workplace or educational institution won’t.

6. You may want to take a self-defense class to keep physically violent bullies at bay.

7. You keep your sense of self- continue to value and love yourself no matter how your bullies may mistreat you and degrade you.

In conclusion:

Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.

Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!

No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back, or to at least, make changes that benefit you until you can walk away.

Therefore, stop caring what people think! Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!

This post was all about how to BE Happy, Be yourself, and the Advantages you’ll see afterwards!

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

bullies

Why do Bullies Bully? 7 Reasons They Won’t Leave You Alone

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You’ve probably asked this question many times. Why do bullies bully? Here are the most common reasons people try to dominate others and what you can do to take the wind out of their sails.

why do bullies bully

Bullies can reek havoc in the lives of their victims. If you’re a victim and have been for any length of time, you’ve probably asked this question a million times.

In this post, you will learn the answers to your question, “Why do bullies bully?” Moreover, you’ll learn why they refuse to leave you alone.

Once you learn these answers, you will no longer be confused. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself, knowing that the issue isn’t you, it’s them.

This post is all about the question that nags you day and night, “Why do bullies bully?” and gives you all the answers you need to know.

Why Do Bullies Bully?

If you’re a target of bullying, I’m confident that you’ve asked these very legitimate questions a million times over.

“These bullies despise me so much. So, why don’t they just get a life and leave me alone?”

“If they think that I’m such a bad person, why don’t they just let me go?”

“Why don’t they just drop me completely, go on about their business and let me go on about mine?”

“If I’m such a disgusting person to them, then why can’t my bullies simply just stay away from me?”

“My bullies hate me so much. So,wouldn’t it be better for everyone if they (figuratively) just stayed in their corner of the room and let me stay in mine? If they just went on and did their thing and let me do mine?

“If I’m as loathsome as they say I am, why even bother? Why waste the energy to chase me down and harass me?”

“For what logical reason would people continue to pursue a person they so vehemently detest?”

“Why do they keep talking to me at all, even if it is abusive?”

After all, it would be a sensible solution to their problem- they stay away from you; you stay away from them, then everyone can be shiny and happy. Right?

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

As much as I hate to break it to you, bullies will never go away and allow you to live in peace if they have selected you to be their target.

Why do bullies bully? Here’s why:

1. to dominate and subjugate

Understand that a bully’s entire mission in life is to dominate and subjugate…period. And if not you, anyone.

You just happen to be the easiest target for them. In other words, you are the person they have in their sights. Therefore, their goal is to subjugate you and to hold you down and oppress you.

2. It’s the only way they find meaning in their lives.

Their very ethos is in mentally or physically enslaving and tormenting you.

In short, the only way bullies can have some semblance of meaning in their own lives is to dominate another human being. Why? Because they could never attain (or obtain) power any other way.

In other words, outside of trying to control and keeping a tight grip on the lives of others (you), abusers can’t find meaning in their lives, nor any sense of effectiveness or self-worth.

Understand that these types of people have no substance. They have zero redeemable qualities. Moreover, the vast majority are life-losers disguised as winners and cloaked with false perfection.

Therefore, it makes perfect sense that the only way they find their meaning- which is their sense of effectiveness and self-worth, is by using force and riding roughshod over people they perceive to have the least power.

You must realize that if your abusers just left you alone, they would have nothing else because there is nothing left out there for them.

These bullies may indeed run the school, workplace, or community. However, outside of the environments they take over, make toxic, and rule with iron fists, they have nothing, zip, zilch, squat!

Why Do Bullies Bully?

On the other hand, their targets and others who are normal and have healthy mentalities don’t have to bully others. They don’t need to find meaning in their lives because they already have it outside the bullying environment.

These people find meaning through unity and togetherness with their families, their friends, their churches, homes, or through their love and pursuit of their talents, hobbies, and interests.

Sadly, people who like to harass don’t have these things to fall back on.

3. They are addicted to power.

Understand that human predators must have targets (victims). In fact, they need targets- people who they can oppress and subjugate.  In other words, they need people they can order around and tell what to do because it gives them a power rush.

And power is addictive.

Take the target out of the equation and bullying ceases to exist.

Put another way, if one is going to be in charge, there must be people to be in charge of. You can’t rule over no one.  You’re not the boss of anything if there are no people to boss around.

You can’t be a king if there’s no kingdom because for a kingdom to exist, there must be people living in it for you to rule.

It would be like discovering a deserted island and declaring yourself king of that island. If a king has no people to rule, he has no kingdom and, therefore, no power.

It’s the same with bullies. Without targets to lord over, there’s no power for them to have and enjoy.

4. Why do bullies bully?

To Re-Enforce their power.

Here’s another thing to consider: if you’re a target of bullying, the mere fact that you want to get away from your abusers- that you want to escape their abuse and declare yourself a separate person will enrage them.

Why? Because they can’t live without power and domination.

Therefore, any attempts you make to evade them will be met with reckless anger. Moreover, your harassers will escalate the abuse to punish you.

Why? Because when you flee or fight back, you’re attempting to take away the only power they have.

For example, the same thing happens when a battered wife finally musters up the courage to leave her abusive husband. He goes into a rage and loses control.

And not because he’s loses her but because he loses power over her. Bullies are no different.

Therefore, their rage and hostility at the possibility of you either fighting back or leaving the environment is all about the threat of losing power.

Put simpler, they desire to, in a sense, hold you hostage.

Remember that bullying is abuse, just like domestic violence, rape, molestation, or any other form of abuse. And abuse is about power.

In other words, they are one and the same, so, they’re both about power.

Therefore, your harassers will never allow you to live in peace. And the reason they won’t leave you alone is because to do so would mean them losing the only thing they have- their power…over you.

5. Why do bullies bully?

They enjoy it.

It’s true. They get enjoyment and fulfillment out of harassing and abusing others. Therefore, you must realize that these types of people are sadistic in nature.

In other words, they get pleasure from your pain. Believe it or not, such people do exist and they’re a force to be reckoned with.

6. For Increased Social Status

Bullying is not only used to maintain power and control over the target. It is also used as a vehicle to achieve higher social status.

And sadly, it works like a charm. The reason it works so well is that the bully can increase his social standing, while reducing yours.

In other words, for many people, having the respect and admiration of their peers is of more value to their sense of self-worth than money and material wealth. Although one can achieve elevated social status through wealth and material things, it can also be attainable though bullying if the bully doesn’t have the former.

On the other hand, if the aggressor does have money and material wealth, the social status he gets from bullying is just icing on the cake. In other words, it’s not something he feels he must do. It’s something he wants to do because he thinks it’s fun.

However, this is not a healthy way to achieve social status. A healthy way of increasing one’s social ranking requires some type of achievement. For example,  joining a positive movement or donating to a charity.

Understand that these types of people are the talent-less, the lazy, and the incompetent. Again, they have no redeemable qualities, no personalities, and no real intelligence.

You must see these individuals exactly as they are- empty suits with zero substance. And, once you see them clearly, your confidence won’t take such a big hit when they come for you.

7. To Tighten bonds in Their group.

Not even love, respect, or friendship unite people as much as the shared hatred of something or someone. Moreover, there’s strength in numbers, and bullies must always have an entourage around them.

You will never see these types of people alone because the thought of being on their own scares them to death. The group is their power.

Also, the stronger the solidarity, the less likely it is of the group disbanding. Hatred is the glue that binds the members together.

As the target, you provide your bullies the assurance that their group always stays together as one. Without you, the group is weak; things get boring real fast, and it won’t be long before they split up and go their separate ways.

Of course, these 7 aren’t the only reasons. There are a few more reasons people engage in this atrocious behavior. But that’s in another post.

This post was all about the Answers to the question, “Why do bullies bully?” to relieve any confusion you might have.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Examples of Non Verbal Bullying

2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

3. Fake Friends: 13 Surefire Signs They Don’t Like You for You

4. How to Spot Fake Friends: 7 Proven Tricks to Instantly Out Them

5. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks

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Do you want to know how to overcome victim mentality? Are you sick of feeling like a victim all the time? Here are the time-tested and proven techniques you can use to shed victim-think and feel much better about yourself.

how to overcome victim mentality

Victim mentality doesn’t serve you. It only drags you down and keeps you there. In fact, victim mentality has a negative effect on all aspects of your life, from relationships and friendships, to business and employment prospects, to finances.

Therefore, as someone who’s been there, I’m giving you all the mind hacks that I and many others swear by.

You will learn all the details on how to overcome victim mentality. These easy mind hacks will boost your confidence and repair your self-esteem quicker than you think.

After you learn all these mental methods, you will be more confident than you ever thought possible. Also, you will be happier, relaxed, and more at peace with yourself.

This post is all about how to overcome victim mentality and will give you all the simple mind hacks that every target of bullying needs to know about.

How to overcome victim mentality

First, let’s discuss why victim-think is so bad for your life.

Now, it’s okay to be angry and to take time out to feel those emotions when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to need time to heal. And I respect that.

However, don’t set up shop and live in that yucky place for long. Because, if you stay there, it will ruin your life.

Understand that holding hate and trying to seek revenge over something that some creep did to you in the past is counterproductive. Moreover, it comes from a victim mentality. It also comes from feeling that the transgressor owes you some form of satisfaction, restitution, or atonement.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. This kind of attitude only makes you miserable.

I want you to realize that a victim mentality is never good because it keeps you trapped in an abyss of anger and hatred. Moreover, spending too much time in this state only leads to depression and poor mental health.

You feel like the world owes you. However, what you don’t realize is that even if the world did give you what you feel you’re owed, you’d still never be happy and you’d only want more, more, and more.

This is why it’s crucial that you know how to overcome victim mentality.

Take it from someone who’s been there. Holding onto resentment and hatred is no way to live. It’s a dark and ugly place to be.

Therefore, I can’t stress how important it is for you to rid yourself of victim-think. It’s the only way you’ll ever reach that beautiful place of self-acceptance and ultimately, peace and happiness. And once you do, it will be such sweet freedom!

You can do this! I’ve got faith in you!

Before we get into the mind hacks, let’s now discuss the benefits you’ll get once you put these mind hacks to practice. Now, one thing you must know is that you can’t one practice them one time and expect to reap the advantages I’m about to spill here.

Once you know these mental training exercises, you must get into the habit of practicing them every day. Then, slowly but surely, you will notice the benefits, and, here they are!

Benefit 1

You’ll no longer feel like you’re less than.

In the past, the bullies in your life may have called you the most horrible names in the English language. Yes, they may have pointed fingers of judgement in your direction. Moreover, they have have ridiculed and smeared you.

Even worse, they may have destroyed your reputation. However, you won’t stay a victim forever because their effects on you won’t last if you don’t allow it to.

Therefore, you’ll discover that you have more control over your circumstances than you know. This new epiphany will cause your self-esteem to soar!

You’ll also realize that you already have within you the delicious power to refuse to let their childish behavior define you. And that you’d had it all along.

You’re a survivor. In fact, You’ll soon find out that you’re more than that!

 You’ll be a winner! Because your bullies and abusers will no longer have the power to make you feel that you’re less than human. No one will have that power but you.

You’ll no longer be a victim because you won’t allow other people’s perceptions of you to determine how you feel about yourself nor define you as a person.

Instead, you’ll know who you are and feel good about it.

You’ll be glad you learned how to overcome victim mentality!

Your bullies and abusers may have taken your confidence away and at times, maybe your physical well-being. But they could never take away your soul! They couldn’t take your integrity, individuality, nor your freedom of thought.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t still be standing.

They couldn’t take any of the things that mattered!

How to overcome victim Mentality: Benefit 2

Another reason you won’t feel like a victim anymore is because you will no longer feel any hate nor any desire to take revenge. Therefore, your energy will better spent on your family, doing what you love to do, and working on yourself.

You’ll be too busy doing you and yours.

Moreover, you’ll look back and be so glad you finally got tired of being unhappy and unfulfilled. You’re eyes will be opened, and you’ll change your way of thinking.

By now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, okay! Just get to the mind hacks already!”

Here’s how to overcome victim mentality. Finally! The Mind Hacks!

1. refuse to allow bullies from the past to take up space in Your mind

In other words, stop letting them live rent-free in your head. Don’t waste another drop of precious energy on people who were never worth it in the first place.

Know that when you hold grudges, you waste your time thinking about people who probably don’t give you so much as a thought. Why? Because you’re not important to them. Yet you make them important by having them in your head.

You give them power over the way you feel and over your life. Realize that life is too short and you only have one to live. Therefore, stop wasting your time on people who aren’t worth a puddle of pee.

Take your power back and use it to better your own life.

2. How to overcome victim mentality: accept yourself, flaws, quirks, and all.

Put simpler, decide once and for all that you’re okay just the way God made you. Realize that you need no one else’s approval, least of all, theirs!

Why should you care about winning acceptance from anyone else? Decide today that you’re just as important without anyone else’s say so. Who is anyone to decide your worth? Only you can do that. This is how you raise your self-esteem.

3. Make it your mission to love and take care of yourself and the people who truly matter in your life.

And that includes weeding out toxic people who are only there to use you and to see you fail- those who don’t belong in your life.

Also, know that you’re the only one who’s responsible for your life and the outcomes of your situations. No one else is accountable for these things.

4. How to overcome victim mentality: You do it by focusing on things that are important

 Therefore, focus on God, family, your closest friends. Moreover, keep your mind on being the best version of you that you can possibly be. Also, focus on your goals and dreams. Keep your mind on any projects you may be working on or anything you love to do.

In other words, focus on your hobbies and anything that you enjoy doing. Spend time with those who love you most and vise versa. Keep company with those who celebrate you and lift you up while avoiding the creeps who bring you down.

Practice self-care and create as many good memories in your life as you possibly can.

5. Lastly and most importantly, Forgive.

I can just hear some of you now. “Oh, she must be out of her rabid-ass mind!” “She must be stark-raving mad! “No way! They don’t deserve my forgiveness after the hell they put me through!”

And maybe they don’t. But you deserve it.

In other words, you deserve to be able to let go of the pain. You also deserve the freedom and peace that comes after you forgive those who’ve hurt you. Also, you deserve the blessings and good things that follow.

Trust me when I say that forgiveness changes your life for the better. You will see a dramatic improvement in your health, mental and physical.

Moreover, you will also see a significant change in your circumstances. You’d be surprised at the awesome blessings that come your way once you decide to forgive and move on. You will even have success in the things you set out to do and achieve more than you ever thought you would!

Most importantly, you will rise above anything your enemies tried to do to bring you down. And you will frustrate them because they couldn’t keep you down! Yes, that hurts them more than any revenge you could ever take.

It happened for me and it’ll happen for you too. I guarantee it.

This post was all about how to overcome victim mentality so that you can take back your peace and happiness.

1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

2. Raising Self-Esteem: 5 Easy Mind Hacks that Help

3. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

4. Like vs Respect: What’s the Difference?

5. Acceptance and Tolerance: 5 Best Ways to Know the Difference

fight

Fight Flight Freeze Fawn: 4 Stress Responses of Bullying Victims

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Do you want to know all about fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction? Here is a detailed description of these responses that you need to know.

fight flight freeze fawn

Bullying can often force victims into the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response to save themselves from danger. So what is this response?

In this post you will about this reaction so that you can recognize it in yourself and know that it is a normal human reaction to danger. Moreover, if you’re a teacher, supervisor, or police, you must know more about it so that you can better recognize it in students, subordinates, and everyday citizens- particularly, victims.

Once you learn all about these responses, you will be better able to see them in yourself and others.

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn stress reaction so that you can be able to recognize it more and tell who the victim is, even if it’s you.

fight, flight, freeze, fawn

These are the four components of the Human Stress Response.

Examples of the Human Stress Response:

1. Slamming on your brakes when another car pulls in front of you.

2. Jumping back when an attacker jumps at you from behind a bush.

3. Flinching when you hear a car backfire.

Again, there are four components to the HSR. However, back in the days of old, there were only two parts to it.

People called this human stress response the fight or flight response, which is the innate and ingrained physiological reaction to the threat of danger.

Humans have had this natural reaction since the dawn of time. During stressful, alarming, and dangerous situations, the sympathetic nervous system releases adrenaline into the body.  Therefore, you either fight when cornered or flee when you see a chance to run for your life.

This is an inborn survival mechanism that works to keep you alive.

Later, experts added a third component, renaming it fight, flight or freeze. They have since added a fourth one, fawn.

Hence, the four F term of today.

History

During prehistoric times, humans often encountered dangerous beasts like lions and tigers. Therefore, this activated the fight or flight mechanisms within them so that they could either fight the animal, or run from it to survive.

When the term “freeze” was added to fight and flight, experts acknowledge that people also tended to lose the ability to move or act during threatening situations. And when you can’t move, you cannot defend yourself against the threat.

Introducing, fight, flight, freeze, fawn

The fourth component, “fawn,” is when you do everything you can to please someone who is threatening you and keep them from hurting you.

For example, victims of bullying do this to either keep bullies from harming them or to avoid conflict. And so, the four components represent the response to overpower, escape, or decrease the threat to restore peace and safety.

Fight

In fight mode, you prepare to physically fight your bully, who is either physically attacking you or threatening to do so. Moreover, you fight when you believe you can overpower your opponent.

The adrenaline your sympathetic nervous system releases gives you a burst of extra strength to ensure that you successful fight, overpower, and contain the threat.

For example, a man pulls into his driveway at night and a robber approaches him. He successfully fights the robber and overpowers him to keep from being robbed and possibly murdered.

Here’s another thing to note here:

When it comes to bullying, the Fight Response is the most effective of all four components of the Human Stress Response. Why? Because it shows the bullies that you aren’t afraid to fight back. Remember that bullies only respond to strength and power.

Flight

If you don’t think you can win against your bully in a physical altercation, you go into flight mode and run like the blazes. The same adrenaline helps you to run faster and for longer distances than you normally could.

An example of this would be a situation after school when five bullies approach a smaller boy as he’s walking home from school. The small boy knows that there’s no way he could possibly take on five bigger boys by himself. Therefore, he runs to escape them.

Fight, flight, Freeze, Fawn

Freeze

This is when you feel paralyzed and can’t move during the threat of danger. Therefore, this is the worst of the responses. This happens when you don’t think you can fight your bully nor run fast enough to get away.

An example of freeze is when a deer is crossing a busy highway at night and a speeding car barrels toward it. The deer freezes as he sees the bright pair of headlights coming right at him. Therefore, freeze is the most dangerous and least affective of the four components.

Fawn

This reaction happens when all else fails. In other words, your attempts to fight, flee, and freeze have all been unsuccessful. Therefore, you do and say everything the bully wants you to in order to keep them from harming you.

This is a trauma response in that it typically occurs in people who either presently live in or grew up in abusive homes.

Moreover, fawning hides the stress you’re  feeling and prompts you to do what you must to appease your bullies. Your objective is to get them to calm down and leave you in peace. Therefore, it’s a survival tool for many.

It is this fawning that breeds people-pleasing behavior, approval seeking, caring too much about others’ opinions, co-dependency, and allowing bullies to manipulate and control you.

In other words, you appease their wants and needs, rather than taking care of your own first. However, fawning is damaging to your mental health because, in being too agreeable, you lose your sense of identity.

Put simpler, you lose your personhood. Why? Because no one will allow you to be a person- a separate human being with thoughts, feelings, and desires of your own.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What happens when you must live in survival mode for too long?

Sadly, if a situation of bullying and abuse persists over a long period of time, your survival instincts will reset to default. In other words, you’ll likely have anxiety disorder and by default, live with it even long after the trauma is over and things have returned to normal.

Therefore, this anxiety will trigger the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response even under circumstances that aren’t necessarily threatening or dangerous.

For example, students who have “Math Anxiety” are a perfect example of this. These students will study their assignments faithfully. Moreover, they do well and make high marks on homework assignments and even during in-class quizzes.

However, when test day rolls around, their survival responses overwhelm them, shutting down the logical portion of their brains and they fail the test.

This often occurs in abused children and adult survivors of child abuse. Moreover, it happens in long-term victims and survivors of domestic abuse. This is also an issue in victims and survivors long-term bullying.

Events that are normal and healthy stressors will too easily trigger these survival mechanisms. These events could be a college exam, a deadline for a work project, or your sister’s upcoming wedding.

The ease of these triggers is determined by your nature, past experiences, and the type of threat you face. Therefore, long-term bullying tends to cause victims’ human stress response to go into maximum overdrive.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What are the effects of an overactive human stress response?

An Overactive Fight Response

For example, an overactive fight response can trigger someone to get overly angry too quickly. In other words, the person seems to go from zero to one hundred in a split second. Many bullies themselves have this issue, especially physical bullies who use physical violence as the answer to all their problems.

This puts these victims at risk of being suspended from school, fired from their jobs, or going to jail.

An Overactive Flight Response

An example of an overactive flight response could be someone always running from conflict. People notice this and label this person a big chicken. Therefore, it only prolongs the bullying until the victim is in a situation where he can’t run. Then, he end up being injured or worse.

An Overactive Freeze Response

An overactive freeze response causes you to shut down during conflict. This is the worst of the responses because it endangers the victim of physical beating or dying from a physical attack.

An Overactive Fawn Response

The victim agrees to do what he’s told and agree with the bully to avoid conflict and the possibility of getting hurt. However, this only prolongs the bullying. Why? Because it satisfies the reward center of the bullies‘ brains. Therefore, they come back for more rewards later.

What Does the Human Stress Response and it’s four components have to do with bullying?

Bullying automatically puts the victim in survival mode and causes the release of adrenaline. Therefore, it activates the Human Stress Response and either one or more of it’s components.

This adrenaline interrupts the normal, rational area of the brain. As a result, it stunts the development of the logical part of the mind. In other words, because the victim’s mind is already preoccupied with the threat of bullying, they can’t concentrate on anything else.

This is why kids who suffer bullying in school often have grades that plummet. Moreover, the job performance of bullied adults at work are also likely to suffer.

This is how bullying affects the brain and why it’s so terribly unhealthy for victims. Bullying can affect all aspects of your life. It impacts not only your physical and mental health, but also your relationships outside the bullying environment, your finances, your love life, your chance opportunities… everything!

This post is all about the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and their relation to bullying so that you can recognize and better talk about your experiences.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

2. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

3. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

5. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

domestic abuse

Bullying is Abuse: 9 Ways Bullying and Abuse are The Same

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Did you know that bullying is abuse? ‘Want to know how they are one and the same? Here are the characteristics bully and abuse share that targets of bullying must know about.

bullying is abuse

Bullying is terrifying to their victims and leave them with life-long injuries and even cause death. As someone who survived and overcame bullying at school and in the workplace, I’m giving you the characteristics and long-lasting effects that bullying shares with it’s brother, abuse.

You will learn how the two match so that you can more confidently speak against it.

Once you learn these similarities, you will better be able to classify bullying as a form of abuse and see it exactly as it is. Moreover, you will be able to recite the characteristics and effects they both share so that you can contrast the two.

This post is all about the shared features and consequences of bullying and abuse and the reality that most people, especially victims of bullying don’t think about.

Bullying is abuse

This is probably a statement you haven’t heard much and you may even wonder how. Here are nine exact matches you must be aware of.

1. They both instill fear in their victims.

Bullying and abuse are designed to instill fear and anxiety. Moreover, bullies thrive on their victim’s fear to get a desired outcome from their behavior and from their victims.

Victims of both are usually so overwhelmed with fear that bullies can easily force them to comply with their wishes and demands. Victims are afraid that things will only get worse.

Also, they’re frightened of being physically attacked or socially ostracized. Therefore, they feel powerless to stand up to their abusers because they know that chances are good that they’ll suffer brutal retaliation if they dare to even speak up for themselves, much less fight back.

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing. However, victims of bullying and abuse are overwhelmed, even paralyzed with it.

This isn’t healthy because excessive fear only stunts growth and development. Moreover, it’s an invisible prison that keeps you stuck in life. An excessive amount of fear can also cause a psychological condition called, “Learned Helplessness.”

Moreover, the two can use fear of harm to induce classical conditioning in a very negative way. Think, Pavlov dogs and you’ll get a better understanding of this section.

2. Bullying is abuse: Both involve the use of force.

Bullying and abuse involves the use of force to get their victims to comply with their demands or not to say or do anything to make the perpetrators uncomfortable. Put simpler, the fear of harm compels victims to do everything they can to satisfy and even gratify (reward) their violators.

The targets often feel they have no choice. It’s either do what they can to please their offenders, or else.

3. They both include an imbalance of power.

This is a no-brainer. Bullying and abuse automatically strip their targets of personal power and hand over ALL power to the abusers. Understand that the perpetrators of both get a huge rush of power when abusing their victims.

Therefore, bullying and abuse are all about power and making their victims powerless. Thus, an imbalance of power arises if targets are too afraid to take a stand against their oppressors.

Understand that anytime bullies/abusers feel that they are losing power and control over their victims, they will immediately escalate the aggression to try and reinforce power over them.

For example, verbal or emotional bullies/abusers may escalate to physical bullying with beatings or they may destroy the victim’s property to get their point across.

Here’s a scenario. You have a verbal bully/abuser get in your face, yelling and cursing you out for a perceived slight. You get tired of hearing the tirades, so you put your hand up, turn your back on the person, and walk away.

Suddenly, as you’re walking away, your bully pursues you from behind and in a fit of rage, grabs you by the hair, and pulls you back before beating you up.

Therefore, understand that bullying and abuse always escalate! Always!

4. the goal of both is to gain power, control and dominance over another person.

Bullies and abusers love the thought of having absolute power over their targets and there’s nothing they will do to keep that power for themselves.

It’s a dark part of human nature. The one and only thing abusers desire more than money is to have the ability to tell others what they can and cannot do. In other words, they want control over the lives of others.

Bullies and abusers are tyrants and authoritarians at heart and they have an obsessive need to dominate. This is the only way they can feel powerful and in control. Always remember this.

5. Bullying is abuse: They both strip away your confidence, self-esteem, freedom, and autonomy.

Both bullying and abuse work to psychologically condition their targets. In other words, victims may initially being happy, strong, and confident people. However, bullies and abusers can slowly erode those healthy qualities and break down the target over time.

This is what has happened to many super confident women when they married abusive and controlling husbands. The women may have started out with a healthy self-esteem.

However, as time went by, the abuse from their partners slowly chipped away at their confidence and, bit by tiny bit, these women spiraled downward. In the end, the abusers broke these once-vibrant ladies down and the women became powerless shells of their former selves.

Moreover, it took a long time healing before these women could learn to make their own decisions again and feel free to be themselves.

This is what bullying and abuse both do to victims.

6. Bullying and abuse are repetitive and tend to escalate.

Always! Why? Because, sadly, most bullies and abusers get rewarded for their atrocious behavior. Moreover, most people, even those in authority, only side with the abusers/bullies and blame the victim.

It happens all the time. Because the target is usually the one with the least power, it’s much easier for bystanders and authority to blame them rather than hold the offenders responsible and risk becoming the next victim.

Let’s face it, most people, especially bystanders and authority, are cowards and butt-kissers.

Therefore, if bad behavior is what works, if it has always gotten them what they wanted in the past, then why would they stop?

Here’s something else you must know. Because bullies/abusers often get away with their abuse, they become more and more brazen with time.

As a result, they will escalate the aggression. In other words, they may transition from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. Then, occasional slaps and punches may progress to full-fledged beatings and worse and worse it gets.

Therefore, understand that bullies/abusers don’t recognize boundaries nor limits.

7. they both leave lasting emotional trauma.

If a victim suffers bullying/abuse, especially if it’s chronic and long-term, it leaves emotional scars that can be difficult to heal. Targets of abuse often suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, excessive fear and trust issues.

Moreover, they can have problems in relationships and friendships later own and can even become suicidal if they don’t find professional help.

Bullying and abuse both have the same long-term after-affects.

8. Bullying is abuse: Moreover, both come from an authoritarian and tyrannical attitude and a place of perceived superiority and entitlement.

Bullies/abusers tend to have authoritarian and superiority complexes. In other words, they have a “Divine Right of Kings” mentality. In other words, they think that everyone else, especially their victims is supposed to bend knee and kiss the ring.

Another thing to point out here is that many bullies/abusers have Dark Triad personalities, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Psychopathy, and Machiavellianism.

These people can be abusive partners in the home or sadistic teachers and principals in schools. They can be bossy classmates or puffed-up coworkers trying to climb the ladder at work.

Moreover, they can be tyrannical upper managers in the workplace or politicians and government officials in a town, state, or country.

Sadly, in today’s atmosphere, we seem to have a society where most people will kowtow to these monsters and carry their water for them.

Consequently, this only emboldens these human predators. Therefore, they will become brazen and keep pushing boundaries until they ruin the lives of many people before finally dying or are forcefully held accountable

9. Both involve unwanted aggression.

Bullies and abusers are notorious for inflicting unwanted aggression on their victims. The good news is that you don’t have to continue being a victim. However, this is for another post.

In Conclusion:

Bullying and abuse share the exact same types and features. There is verbal bullying just as there is verbal abuse. It’s the same with other types of bullying and abuse. There are physical and emotional bullying and abuse, as well as psychological, relational, and social.

Moreover, the features and after-affects of both are all the same as well. Therefore, the questions remain? Why don’t more people equate bullying with abuse?

Also, why do we continue to separate the two as different things when, in fact, they’re one and the same?

Feel free to ask these questions and do your research. Moreover, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

this post was all about the features of bullying and abuse as well as the realization that bullying is abuse.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

2. Gaslighting Phrases: 7 Most Common Statements to Be Aware of

3. Signs of Gaslighting: The 7 Signs You Must Know

4. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

stages of bullying

The 4 Stages of Bullying

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‘Want to know what the 4 stages of bullying are so that you can know to put a stop to it before it gets out of control?

the 4 stages of bullying

Bullying ruins the lives of millions of innocent people each year. If you’re one of them, you’re probably wondering how it begins and what it is about potential targets that attracts the ire of bullies. As someone who’s been in the crosshairs of bullies, I’m giving you the 4 stages of bullying, in full detail.

You will learn all the characteristics of each of the 4 stages of bullying so that you can know which stages your situation falls in.

Once you learn these phases, you will know what to do and if there’s still time to turn things around.

This post is all about the 4 stages of bullying and what you, as a target, can do to remedy the situation.

The 4 Stages of Bullying

This post isn’t about me and I always make sure to make every post about you, the reader. However, I feel compelled to tell you what my wise grandmother once told me.

“Never. And I mean NEVER… let anyone get comfortable with abusing and mistreating you.”

She was right. However, by the time she gave me that little gold nugget of wisdom, it was already too late.

I was in high school and had been a victim of bullying since moving to *Oakley School District in the sixth grade. Therefore, right then, I understood what she meant and why she gave me that advice.

Therefore, understand that bullying is a process. It goes through stages, the pre-beginning stage, beginning stage, middle stage, and late stage.

Moreover, the bullying can move through stages either quickly and even skip a stage or two, or more slowly. But, how it progresses depends on the situation, environment, and people involved.

1. Pre-beginning Stage of Bullying

A group of classmates or coworkers (bullies) search for a target. Once they spot a potential target (PT), they watch them closely, studying them. Here’s what the bullies try to figure out:

  • What excites the PT
  • Things that make the PT happy, sad, angry, upset, etc.
  • What the PT most desires
  • Any voids in life the PT has
  • Any unmet and unfulfilled wants and needs the PT has.
  • The PT’s body language and facial expressions to assess moods and mental states.

 In other words, the bullies want to know these things to find areas where the PT is most vulnerable. Then, they can figure out whether the person would be an easy target.

2. Beginning Stage (Grooming Stage)

If you’re that PT, understand that bullies will test the waters by throwing out subtle or not-so-subtle insults and attacks to see how you react. If you give the bullies the reaction they’re looking for, they will select you and make you their target.

In other words, the bullies use the above process to groom you.

By this stage, the bullies have gathered the intel they searched for in the pre-beginning stage. They then weaponize it and use it in their attacks against you.

For example: If the bullies find out that your father has a drinking problem, or that your husband or wife is cheating on you. They may use the info to bait you into a reaction.

They may say something to the effect of:

“Hey, So-and-so! I heard that your father is a drunk (or, your wife cheated on you)! Is that true?”

You then fire back saying:

“No, he’s not (she didn’t)! You lay off!

Next, the bullies put you on the defense, then build off your defensive reaction. The bullies laugh and say, “Aww! ‘Smatter? ‘Truth hurt?”

And on and on the bullies build on each answer to get you riled.

The bullies continue to berate you until they get bored with the same tactics. They then escalate the attacks.

 If you don’t stand up for yourself during this stage, you’ll come to be known as a pushover, a wimp- someone that is ripe for abuse.

And once that label becomes iron-clad, it will be almost impossible to keep people from using you as a doormat.

3. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Middle Stage.

In this stage, the bullies signal to other classmates or coworkers that you’re ripe for attack. Therefore, they encourage and even recruit bystanders to unite with them and join in the torment.

Moreover, bullies do this through gossip, rumors, accusations, and smear campaigns. They continue this behavior until, one by one, people begin turning against you.

As time goes by, more and more people turn their backs on you until you have no friends nor support system left.

Now, you have become radioactive. In other words, no one wants to associate with you because they know they’ll be next if they do.

Therefore, to ensure their own reputations don’t become tarnished, bystanders may avoid you altogether. Also, they may become willing participants in the attacks.

We call these people, secondary bullies.

During the middle stage of bullying, physical abuse begins.

In this stage, the bullying becomes physical. Therefore, bullies and others begin to physically attack you. First, they may accidentally on purpose, run into you in the hall or parking lot. Next, they’ll trip you as you’re walking outside.

After that, they hit you, kick, punch, and shove you. Finally, you’ll suffer brutal beatings by bullies and their new followers.

Although physical bullying can happen in the workplace, it’s much more common in the school environment.

The physical bullying then escalates to a climax. People seem to be standing in line, waiting on their turn to have a boxing match with you.

It grows to such that you, while only trying to defend yourself, get involved in many fights.

Consequently, the number of physical altercations causes teachers and staff (or police) to label you as the troublemaker.

Defamation of your character also grows during this stage.

Also, once the mistreatment goes on for so long, others get comfortable with abusing you. In fact, they grow so accustomed to being cruel to you that they don’t even think about nor care how they hurt you.

It is also during this stage that bullies and their recruits go home and tell their families horrible lies and rumors about you. The family members then spread the word to the people they know at work, the supermarket, etc.

Next, the coworkers, friends, and extended family members pass what they’re told to their families.  And word of your perceived evilness or craziness spreads throughout the entire community.

Thus, they completely decimate your reputation. Therefore, everyone meets your reputation before getting the chance to meet you in person.

Understand that people do this deliberately to create a toxic environment for you. In other words, they lay the groundwork for an environment that doesn’t allow you to receive support, make new friends, nor rise above the abuse.

Finally, your opportunities for love, friendship, jobs, careers, etc. are either limited or lost.

4. The 4 Stages of Bullying: Late Stage.

Bullying becomes mobbing when it reaches this stage!

Now, people who’ve never met you wish to attack you. It becomes a case of “you don’t know me, but I know you.”

Therefore, this stage is the most dangerous because everyone around you becomes deranged. Also, they get so emboldened that they don’t try to hide their hatred anymore.

And why not? They’ve gotten away with their abuse for so long that they know that there’s no incentive to stop the attacks.

 snowball effect

Once it reaches this stage, there’s no accountability. Moreover, when there’s no accountability for abuse, there are no limits to it.

Therefore, the bullies (and everyone else) can now escalate the abuse at will. This is the stage that bullying has become life-threatening.

Everyone in the community hates you and wants nothing more than to see you suffer. Understand that the “good people” of the community have no idea why they hate you. Moreover, they’ll never be able to tell you exactly what you did to deserve it.

All they know is that they loathe you and have an intense desire to destroy you.

Furthermore, people will come to expect you the take the abuse. Any attempts to defend yourself will only bring more outrage.

In fact, others will prevent you from questioning their abuse nor talking back to them when they verbally attack you. Also, they’ll try to prevent you from even talking about the abuse to people outside the dynamic.

In other words, when you finally get fed up and stand up to your persecutors, they won’t respect you for it.

The last and most dangerous of the 4 Stages of Bullying

Why is that? Because they’ve grown so accustomed to abusing you, any self-defense on your part takes them out of their comfort zones.

People love their comfort zones. Therefore, they’ll only retaliate and do everything in their power to subdue you. You’ll be in a constant battle which will only wear you down and exhaust you.

Again, this stage is the most dangerous and if you’ve reached this stage, now is the time to leave. Pick up and move to a different area and tell no one where you’re going or even that you’re moving.

Or transfer to a different school. Whatever the case, just find a way to quickly and quietly disappear because your life may depend on it.

Be warned that it is also during this stage that you’ll either die by suicide or leave town, move schools, or move on to a different company to pursue a better life. I hope you choose the latter and not the former.

If you choose the latter option, you’ll finally relocate and get a fresh start. You will also get a chance to reinvent yourself and move on to prosperity.

You will rebuild your life, begin to flourish, and create a better world for yourself.

Case In Point

You must firmly stand up to bad treatment in the early stages of bullying. Why? Because during these stages, it’s more likely that others will respect your right to be treated well.

Therefore, they’ll either leave you alone or began treating you better.

Whereas, if you allow the bullying go on for a long time before defending yourself, others will grow comfortable with abusing you. Therefore, they’ll probably only resent you for daring to open your mouth about it and stand up to their abuse.

They will then double down in their abuse or eliminate you somehow.

Why? Because, as mentioned earlier in the post, once people grow comfortable with mistreating you, it’s much more difficult to fight.

Therefore, always set and enforce your boundaries right when the bullying begins. Never let it go on for any length of time. The sooner you do, the easier it will be to assert your rights and avoid retaliation.

this post was all about the 4 stages of bullying so that you can better prepare your defense strategies.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. People Pleaser Test: 4 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser

3. Putting Yourself First: 7 Powerful Self-Care Practices

4. Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

5. How to Stop Being Too Nice: 5 Powerful Changes that Win Respect

Social Contagion Effect: Bullying and Social Contagion

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If, you’ve experienced bullying did you notice that when people first began to bully you, the hatred seemed to spread throughout the environment like a cancer? Unfortunately bullying has a high social contagion effect.

social contagion effect

This post is all about the social contagion effect of bullying. We will also discuss the mechanics of it and how it effects the target and everyone else in the bullying environment.

After you learn about the details of this phenomenon, you will better be able to prepare yourself. Also, you will make better and more sound judgements as to how to handle it.

bullying and social contagion effect

First, let’s discuss social contagion effect. According to Google, social contagion effect is an ubiquitous process by which information, such as attitudes, emotions, or behaviors, are rapidly spread throughout a group from one member to others without rational thought and reason.

In other words, a certain emotion or mood can spread quickly through a large crowd, leading them to extreme mindsets. This explains the “pack mentality” where people in large groups act in ways they may later regret.

It is the same with bullying. A few bullies select one target out of the whole class, workplace, or community.

Before you know it, the entire student body, workplace, or neighborhood is acting in evil and brutal ways toward the selected target- doing sadistic things that, under normal circumstances, they would never do.

Intense hate spreads throughout the group like cancer. Bystanders, witnesses, even teachers, school officials, supervisors, and managers will partake in the abuse of the singled-out and defenseless target.

But Why do People Do this?

They do this for several reasons:

1. To keep from being the next target
2. To fit into the group
3. To feel better about themselves and superior to someone (anyone).
4. They believe any lies/rumors about the target
5. To tighten bonds among themselves- using the target as the common enemy to unite against

Social Contagion Effect Works to the Bullies’ Advantage.

 Using social contagion effect, charisma, and influence, bullies are able to unite people who think like they do and win over bystanders and members of authority. It’s the reason why entire schools, workplaces, and communities will repetitiously mob a single targeted person. Understand that hate builds on hate.

Moreover, each member of the hating group gets huge psychological benefits from the collective hatred.

The hate helps to mask the insecurities of each member of the hating group. And all haters have insecurities, but not all insecure people are haters.

Bullies know that, outside of a group, they are insignificant, ineffective, and powerless. If you have noticed, and I’m almost certain you have, haters always- always hate in packs. Therefore, they incentivize bystanders and total strangers to join in. Others not only partake in their hatred of the target, but also agree with and condone it.

In their shared hatred of a target, each member gets validation and gains a sense of self-worth. The group also helps them to forget all about their insecurities and shortcomings. Moreover, each person gets the chance to feel superior to the target.

Other benefits bullies get from their groups is a feeling of immense power, anonymity, and decreased accountability.

Hate has a better and much quickly Social Contagion Effect than Love. It is also a Better Group Adhesive.

Realize that hate is like an adhesive that binds each member of the bully group together. When a group of bullies verbally attack their target, it enhances each member’s self-image and the overall status of the group.

However, this is when things tend to become dangerous! It can only get worse, not better for the victim.

Once verbal attacks lose their thrill, the hating group will take it up a notch and begin taunting the target by flipping him off, throwing rocks, destroying their property, and other such activities.

And once that no longer produces the rush of power that they seek, they will then begin shoving, tripping, pushing, etc. Shoving, pushing and tripping will then escalate to punching, kicking, and beating- then worse, worse, and worse still.

Again, understand that hate spreads like a cancer. It’s the root of so many problems today. It’s true that hate hurts the haters more than the hated and that it eats the haters up inside.

However, it can cause a lot of collateral damage and make life dangerous for the victim if the victim fails to learn to recognize it.

An Example of The Social Contagion Effect:

The enthusiasm of the supporters who back the bullies is that of the audience for their favorite ball teams, or an entire nation when its soldiers return home from war. It spreads throughout the group with extreme fervor and exalts their “heroes” while degrading the adversary or enemy.

Also, each member must continue thinking and acting like the rest of the hating group, or risk being excluded from the group. Even worse, the group may target them too and they know it.

Us Versus Them

Another example of the social contagion effect is that the group only grows.

In other words, your bullies and their loyal sycophants vastly outnumber you and their numbers seemingly increase day by day. And, the larger their numbers, the more emboldened they become to show hostility because they believe it’s safer to do so.

This is why people in groups are far more open with abuse because they get a certain degree of cover and anonymity from the group.

Worse even, not only do their numbers grow, the hatred and hostility of each member also grows. Moreover, the more they band together and bond with each other. Therefore, the more hostility they will heap on top of you.

And the hatred and hostility only serve to strengthen their desire to not only isolate you, but to eliminate you altogether.

Therefore, the group’s increasing numbers and their comradery and support for one another, combined with their blatant hostility for you are both powerful and dangerous. It’s the same kind of scenario you also see in political fights and persecution.

Whether in sports against the opposing team, in the military against the enemy on the battlefield, or a group of bullies and bystanders against a target, the mentality and feelings of hostility are all the same- it’s the dynamic of “us versus them.”

When bullies turn an entire school, workplace, or organization against one target, the entire group shares a great degree of esprit de corps. Members of the group solidify themselves to one another and distance themselves from you. In this, they overplay the sameness in their clique and differences from the you.

What Happens When You Confront this Type of thing Head-On?

Sadly, these kinds of dynamics are difficult for you to stand up to and defend against. Therefore, let this serve as a warning.

You will feel angry and you will become tired of all the BS. And you may decide once and for all, to stand up to all of them and speak out, which, you have ever right to do so.

 However, when you do muster up the courage to say and/or do anything to assert, defend, or stand up for yourself, you are going against a large group and perceived norm.

And once you dare to push back against any status quo and any large group, you had better prepare yourself for an all-out war!

Remember. In their minds, you are the enemy! Nothing more, nothing less. And the enemy doesn’t deserve the right to live in peace. The enemy deserves nothing but total destruction. Again, this is how they think.

As much as it may suck, when you become a target of bullying, people- bullies, bystanders, and yes, sometimes even those in authority, such as teachers and school officials, upper management in the workplace, or police in a community, consciously or subconsciously expect you to stay a target.

From their perspective, you are to “know your place.” In other words, they expect you to put your head down and take the abuse. Moreover, they want you to just accept your position in life and not to expect things to get better.

And if you even attempt to grow a spine, they will do everything in their power to break it.

So, What Can You Do about social contagion effect?

I hate to say it. But sometimes, the best recourse is just to find a way to escape the environment. Understand that you’re not running away nor are you being cowardly.

You are being wise. You’re doing what you must do to take care of yourself. Moreover, you are seeing reality for what it is.

And the reality is that some power dynamics are too great for one person to stand against. Therefore, rather than stay and continue to push against a brick wall that just won’t budge, you must get out of that hostile environment and allowing yourself to move on to a safer one.

Therefore, again, there’s nothing wrong with this and it doesn’t mean that you’re a coward.

Know When It’s Time to Move On.

“Oh, but they’ll think I’m a coward! So, I have to stay and fight.”

SCREW them! What do you care what they think after you’ve left? Let them think what they will. What are you going to do? Stay and continue wasting your time fighting something you can’t change or win? Life’s too short for that.

Part of taking care of yourself and being brave is to know when to cut your losses and move on to greener pastures.

In other words, if you’re an object of this kind of hatred, the best you can do is to make yourself a priority.

How you do this is to take steps to protect yourself. There are times when that means leaving situations that are too toxic to stay in and too powerful to fight. The trick is to pick your battles and decide when you should fight and when you should walk away from toxic people.

 Moreover, focus on the people you love and who love you. Stay away from abusive people and keep yourself around people who uplift you. Move to and stay in a warm and loving environment if possible. You owe it to yourself.

This post was all about the social Contagion effect to better prepare you for situations of group bullying.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Bully Proof: 7 Do’s and Don’ts for Victims of Bullying

2. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

3. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators

What to Say Instead of Sorry: 5 Powerful Responses

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Do you want to know what to say instead of sorry when bullies and abusers demand an undeserved or unwarranted apology? Here are the most powerful apology-replacement responses you need to know.

what to say instead of sorry

Knowing what to say instead of sorry is so important when you’re being bullied, used, and abused. However, sorry is a common knee-jerk response in both victims and survivors. Here are the best substitutes for “sorry” that worked for me and helped me take back my power.

You will learn the correct responses so that you will no longer set  yourself up for people to take advantage of you.

After learning about all these replacement responses, you will respond to bullies and abusers who demand undeserved apologies with strength instead of weakness. Moreover, you will feel better about yourself knowing that you didn’t allow them to use guilt trips to control you.

This post is all about what to say instead of sorry so that you can respond to your bullies with strength and power instead of weakness and timidity.

What to say instead of sorry

A heartfelt apology shows bravery and great strength of character. It takes a person with integrity to apologize for any wrongdoing because few people will admit when they are “wrong.”

However, no matter how sincere or genuine, an apology or admission can also be taken as a sign of weakness in the presence of bullies or anyone who lacks integrity. We all live a life based on trial and error.

In fact, put another way, life is trial and error, and to grow and mature as a person, one must own his/her mistakes and wrongdoings.

Therefore, admitting mistakes and giving a well-deserved “I’m sorry” to someone we have transgressed against is a sign of honor and integrity. Only not to those who lack those qualities!

Yes, you should have an open mind. You should be empathetic, generous, and kind, but only in the presence of and to the people who reciprocate the same toward you. On the other hand, in the presence of bullies, extending those virtues is next to impossible and can be downright dangerous!

In other words, when you’re a target of bullying, it’s too easy to get into the bad habit of over-apologizing. And you do it emphatically, even when an apology isn’t necessary, to appease the abuser and avoid being harmed.

Why Should We Replace the word sorry when responding to a bully?

Because a bully will take your heartfelt apology, turn it against you, and steamroll you with it!

Furthermore, they will only take it as further evidence that he’s right, or worse- that you are a terrible person, clumsy, ignorant, take your pick. Your apology or admission will only serve bullies’ plans to assert control over you and keep it.

To a bully without a conscience, “I’m sorry,” only looks like a waving white flag of surrender. Therefore, you must make sure that you’re in a safe environment before extending one. Here are a few examples:

Victim: “I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Bully: “Damn right, you were wrong! Oh, you’re sorry, alright- a sorry sack of crap!

Victim: “Hey! What’s your problem? I just apologized!”

Bully: “Screw your apology! Your apology means nothing! You only apologize to cover your own butt and keep people off your back!”

When you don’t know what to say instead of sorry, this is the kind of response you should expect from a bully.

Therefore, you must find a more powerful response to use because bullies only understand strength and power. They don’t comprehend good personality traits like politeness, honesty, or kindness because they don’t have them.

Therefore, here’s what to say instead of sorry.

Before we go into the correct responses, let me start by stressing that your substitute should be more indirect with bullies because a direct apology will only make you seem weak to a bully and assure her that she has power over you! Here are a few examples of indirect apologies, and they’re what has worked for me:

1. Oh, relax! You’ll be alright.

This response shows that you acknowledge your bully’s anger, not that you should. After all, the person is a bully and doesn’t deserve a thought from you.

However, if you’re trying to kick the habit of over-apologizing, this is good response because you respond without taking any blame. You also make it apparent that your bully is the one who’s having the issue. Why? Because you make it seem like they’re overreacting. And, the truth is, they are.

2. You’ll forget all about this by the end of the day.

This is also a powerful response in that you know that your bullies are overreacting and, therefore, don’t see it as such a big deal. Again, in saying this, you respond with strength instead of weakness.

3. You’ll get over it.

This may seem callous, unfeeling, and cold. However, remember that these people are bullies and, after the way they treat you and probably many others, they shouldn’t get your consideration. Also, this response also allows you to express empathy without accepting blame.

4. It’s no big deal.

This is a powerful response because it lets the bullies know that you aren’t phased by their overreactions and that you refuse to apologize unnecessarily. Therefore, you don’t look like such an easy target after all.

5. This isn’t a crisis. Everything’s going to be okay.

Here’s a response that also works because you’re exposing the bullies’ overreactions and bringing attention to them while keeping your personal power.

Again, always remember that bullies lack integrity and a conscience. Any of the two shown in the presence of those who don’t have it will be shot down. Apologize, yes! But do it without taking any blame. Do it with POWER!

along with knowing what to say instead of sorry, you should also practice these things.

I’ve mentioned the actions below in an earlier post but they bear repeating.

The moment you catch yourself about to apologize needlessly, step back and asses the situation.

In other words, when you catch yourself about to say “sorry.” Stop for a moment and assess the situation and the person you’re apologizing to. This is how you find out whether or not you should say, “I’m sorry.”

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Doesn’t this warrant an apology?
  • Is this person someone I need to apologize to?
  • Is this my fault?
  • Did I have any control over this?
  • Am I responsible for someone else’s behavior other than my own?

If the answers are no, then save your apology for a person who deserves it and a situation that warrants it.

Knowing What to say instead of sorry also means Figuring out which people cause you to feel like you must say “sorry” for everything.

In other words, step back and notice who always intimidates you to overdo the sorries. This is also how you must train yourself not to apologize when there’s no need to.

Moreover, pay attention to the arising circumstances and context that cause this knee-jerk reaction in you.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do these people bully and abuse me?
  • Do they gaslight you when you defend yourself or when you assert your needs and wants?
  • Do they yell at you or insult or ridicule you when you are having fun and just being yourself?
  • Do they bully you more intensely when you express your own thoughts and opinions?
  • Do they punish you for feeling angry or sad emotions?
  • Do they ridicule me for asking for help?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t have to apologize. So, don’t!

I can’t stress this enough. When you overdo the apologies, you are wondering into people pleasing territory. If they mistreat you on a regular basis, you don’t owe them anything, much less any “I’m sorry.”

Therefore, don’t weaken yourself in the eyes of predatory people. Don’t set yourself up to become the victim of people who wish to take advantage of you for their own selfish and sick pleasure and gain.

Why? Because if you unnecessarily apologize to bullies, you’re apologizing for simply existing and taking up space.

Furthermore, when you over apologize, you often do it out of guilt and shame that is unnecessary. Also, it could be from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. In cases such as this, apologies can become compulsive.

Stop making needless apologies. Unnecessary Ones include:

  • Apologies for asking for help.
  • An apology when someone runs into you and nearly knocks you down
  • An apology when you take a while to respond to a client or loved one because you were busy with other commitments.
  • An apology when you can’t go on a date with your boy/girlfriend because you have a sick family member who’s in the hospital.
  • Apologies for making time for you.
  • Apologies for saying no when you need to.
  • Apologies for walking away from toxic people.

Therefore, understand that in those circumstances, you are not inconveniencing anyone and you are not being a bother. Know that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.

This post was all about what to say instead of sorry to help you to quickly respond with strength anytime someone demand an apology that isn’t warranted.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

3. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

4. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

5. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence

You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t

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Did you know that there are times when you don’t have to explain yourself? Do you want to know the 5 reasons you shouldn’t and under which circumstances?

you don't have to explain yourself

A sad part of people targeting you for bullying is that they will force you to take responsibility for things you can’t control, like their horrid behavior. Also, chances are good that you’re doing all the research on how to gather the courage to refuse to answer to your bullies.

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Sure, people have told you this time and time again. But how do you gather the courage to refuse? You learn, most likely, the hard way, that your bullies are only trying to strip you of your personal power.

Therefore, in this post, you will learn the reasons why you don’t have to explain yourself to your bullies.

After you learn not to answer to these people, you will finally be your own hero. Also, you will take back your personal power and live in peace.

This post is all about the steps and mindsets to get to a place to where you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. These are things that every target of bullying should learn.

You Don’t have to Explain Yourself

Why? Because bullies don’t care what your reasons are. There are reasons bullies accuse and attack you. Also, there are reasons why you don’t owe them any explanations.

1. Bullies project on you. They accuse you of the same things they are guilty of.

The reason they do this is to make you look like the guilty man. And when you try to explain yourself to them and swear up and down that you didn’t do anything wrong, your bullies will twist it to make it look as if you’re the one trying to cover your own behind.

For example, when you stand up for yourself, they will accuse you of being rude and disrespectful. However, realize that your bullies will only do this to gaslight you and make you feel guilty for defending yourself.

Don’t fall for it. Simply call out their gaslighting and tell them to step off. Or,  you could just put your hand up and walk away.

However, in most cases, your best recourse is to not try so hard to convince anyone of anything. Let people believe what they want, then let that help you decide who you should cut out of your life for good.

For the love of Pete! If the people who take your bullies word over yours are those you thought were your friends, show those people the door. Fast!

Look at it this way. These people aren’t really your friends and they don’t deserve the privilege of your presence, let alone your friendship! Stop keeping company with people who aren’t worth your time.

Understand that when you rid yourself of fake friends, you automatically make room for true friends to come into your life. And believe me, they will. You might have to wait a while but better people will show up in your life.

2. Another Reason Why You don’t have to explain yourself: Some people Will Try to Bait you

Moreover, the reason they bait you into explaining yourself is the psychological payoff they get from it. These psychological payoffs are satisfaction, gratification, and a massive rush of power.

To break it down, while you’re standing there wasting your breath, trying to convince your bullies that you aren’t guilty of whatever they’re accusing you of, they’re mentally smirking and patting themselves (and each other) on the back.

They’re proud of themselves over how easily they’ve gotten you to react. Also, they’re getting a high on how easily they can scare you, make you nervous, and get you all up in arms.

Therefore, realize that some things don’t need an explanation and some people don’t deserve one.

3. Explanations are usually a waste of time and energy

Why? For three reasons:

1. No matter what you say, how calm you are when you say it, how convincing you may sound, or how much evidence you may have to support you, bullies will never believe you anyway.

2. Understand that most people only believe whatever feels right, useful, and convenient for them.

3. They aren’t interested in evidence or facts. Facts may only deter them for the time being, but believe me when I tell you. Your bullies will only get angrier at you for having the gall to prove them wrong.

Then, they’ll regroup, reorganize, then come back at you with a whole new accusation and demand yet another explanation later.

Sometimes it’s just better to let them all know up front that you don’t owe them any explanations. Then, end the confrontation by telling them all to piss off before turning your back on them and walking away.

4. If nothing else, know this! Your bullies and abusers already know you’re innocent of their accusations.

In other words, all the mind games they play with you are deliberate!

Understand that anytime bullies accuse you of wrongdoing that you neither committed nor know anything about, they’re doing it to make a big show. Have you noticed that toxic people usually loudly accuse you of something in front of an audience?

Again, these people already know you’re innocent. They’re only doing it for show and to achieve nefarious ends.

They are, more than likely, fully aware that you had nothing to do with the transgression they accuse you of. So, you must realize that it’s only a trap to get you to react.

And why would they stop? You’ve probably been giving them that rush of power all along. And your bullies are addicted to it.

Understand that the power rush always wears off quickly. Therefore, your bullies will only crave another rush soon and come back for more. Power is something bullies can’t get enough of.

5. even if you produce evidence to prove your point, you will have to work to gather that evidence.

Do you really want to work that hard all your life? Here’s another hard fact about bullies:

They get their thrills just knowing they have you jumping through hoops to prove yourself. Therefore, stop trying so hard to prove yourself to people who don’t (or shouldn’t) matter.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. “Who are these morons?

2. “Who are they that I should have to explain anything?”

3. “Since when do I have to explain anything to people who have no bearing on my life. They don’t pay my bills, they don’t sign my paychecks, and they aren’t my spouse or my parents. These people have no say over any part of my life.

4. Are they even up to my level?

5. Do they bring anything positive and worthwhile to my life?

Once you ask these questions, you will know the answers. Moreover, you’ll realize that you don’t owe these people a damn thing!

I understand that bullies can be intimidating and threatening. It’s hard to resist an explanation when you’re scared to death.

It’s difficult not to began rattling off in nervousness, when you just want them to go away and leave you in peace. But trust me, they won’t! Remember, bullies and abusers always come back for more!

This bears repeating. It won’t make things better. If anything, the harassment will only get worse because your reaction will only make you an even bigger and easier target.

Here’s what Will Happen Once You Realize what Your Bullies are Doing

 Once you realize what your bullies are doing and where it all comes from, you will began to get bored with them.  Also, you will blow the bullies off with a “whatever,” and walk away because their mind games will no longer affect you.

Therefore, you’ll feel much better. And the icing on the cake will be that you’ll take the wind out of the bullies’ sails. Moreover, you won’t be any fun to them anymore.

The day will then come when your bullies will finally leave you alone and find some one else to toy around with.

This is why you must do whatever is necessary to take back your personal power and your life. Stop thinking you have to explain yourself to people who could care less anyway. Since when do you owe thing a damn thing?

Know that you deserve so much better. Command the respect you deserve. Also command better treatment. And if that means you walk away and sever ties with toxic people, then, so be it.

Therefore, know that you can do better than them.

This post is a reminder that you don’t have to explain yourself to bullies and abusers. Its purpose was to help you lift yourself out of victimhood and reclaim your power.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps

2. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

3. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

dreamstime s 85277136

Asserting Boundaries: The Pros Outweigh the Cons

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‘Want to know what happens when you begin asserting boundaries? Here are both the pros and cons when you establish your boundaries.

asserting boundaries

Asserting boundaries is so important and if you’re anything like I was at one time, too scared to do it. Then you’re probably wondering what it is that encourages others to stand up for themselves.

As someone who has overcome the fear of establishing personal limits, I’m giving you all the reasons why you should. Also, I’m warning you of all that happens if you don’t.

You will learn about the importance of asserting boundaries. Moreover, you’re going to learn about the positive and negative results of doing do.

Once you learn about all these things, you will be more encouraged and motivated to assert your rights not to be abused. Also, you will be more emboldened to stand your ground for as long as it takes until you are finally free of bullies and abusers.

This post is all about asserting boundaries so that you can take back your personal power and live in peace and happiness.

Asserting boundaries

Here’s how the pros outweigh the cons:

People will accuse you of having “An Attitude”

Many times, when you begin to set boundaries and refuse to lower your standards, others, especially abusive others, will accuse you of having “an attitude.” This is what will happen once you finally take enough abuse and put your foot down and you should expect it.

Understand you will get that response when you either say no to something you don’t like. Moreover, people will give you the same response any time you refuse to be manipulated or to take abuse.

Therefore, it’s better to accept, even embrace, the reality that others will see you as having an attitude when you stand on your principles.

For example, toxic teachers will call you insubordinate. Abusive managers and supervisors will tell you that you’re not a team player. Also, bullying peers will see you as a ‘difficult’ person to be around, and that’s only a very mild version of what they may call you.

Asserting boundaries helps you separate real friends from the fakes.

Understand that anytime you enforce your boundaries and standards, you threaten the power of your bullies and abusers. Furthermore, you expose the manipulative people in your life through the limits you set.

Therefore, you see them more clearly. Why? Because you force them to tell off on themselves through their reactions.

Through having boundaries and standards, you can better tell the difference between real friends and fake ones. In other words, you can better see which people are truly for you and value your friendship. You find out which ones are only in your life because they want something from you. This is one of the most important pros!

bullies and abusers feel they have carte blanche to abuse you

Like all abusers, bullies feel entitled to devalue you and expect you to “just go with the flow” and not object to it. With these types of people, your healthy boundaries and standards are an insult to them. Why? Because they don’t recognize limits.

In their minds, anything goes, and the world and everything in it is one big free-for-all. In other words, any rules, laws, or limits don’t apply to them.

Bullies and frenemies believe they should have carte blanche to treat you any way they choose. They get super offended when you get enough of their abuse and finally have the courage to put your foot down.

Accept that you will lose people you think are friends when you establish boundaries and standards. And they will often be the people you’d never expect.

But realize that these peoples’ condescension and dismissal are only proof of their discomfort and their only recourse. Bullies can’t handle an assertive person of incredible strength because they can never meet them on their level. These are only a few of the cons.

setting limits allows you growth, safety, and freedom

Also, understand that you cannot grow, be safe, or be free if you don’t set boundaries. In many cases, people go out of their way to prevent targets of bullying from imposing any limits.

It seems that boundaries and standards are okay for anyone else but strictly prohibited for targets.

But realize that you cannot continue to live your life as a doormat. Therefore,  you must dig deep and pull out the courage to establish your boundaries, which include,

Physical boundaries

Psychological boundaries

Time boundaries

Material boundaries

Intellectual boundaries

Sometimes you must “Cop an Attitude” to defend your rights.

You are a flesh-and-blood human being who has rights! And sometimes, you must “cop an attitude” to defend those rights.

You must enforce your boundaries from relentless bullies and others who won’t take no for an answer. Also, you must set consequences for those who continue to violate your boundaries after you’ve told them to stop it.

When you set firm boundaries and standards and enforce them, you protect your physical well-being, emotional health, self-esteem, and identity from anyone who seeks to destroy them.

Moreover, you make yourself an individual human being who asserts your right to make your own choices and decisions.

Your boundaries and standards are the invisible fortresses surrounding you with protection. They keep you safe from harm.

When you set boundaries, it means that you don’t allow others to take advantage of you. It also means that you refuse to be a pushover.

In other words, you won’t let other people make you do things that aren’t in line with your goals, values, morals, or convictions. In short, you don’t allow others to manipulate you.

And it requires that you call out anyone who tries to stick so much as a toe over those boundaries.

Be Assertive but not aggressive. Be strong but not overbearing.

You’re assertive but not overly aggressive. You’re strong but not overbearing. When you say no, you mean it, and you say it without feeling guilty over not saying yes.

And when you do say yes to others, you can do it without saying no to yourself.

Sadly, it can be hard to set boundaries and standards, especially when dealing with overly-aggressive bullies who have anger issues. Our first instinct is to protect ourselves any way we can- even if it means we must appease these people to ensure our safety.

Many targets have zero boundaries. They feel that to keep bullies from causing further harm, they must always bend over backward to make sure the people around them feel comfortable and at ease. You should never feel you must live this way!

But here’s the positiive side. Assertiveness builds courage and, with it, your self-esteem.

Not asserting boundaries works only temporarily because bullies and abusers always come back for more.

Many targets don’t feel strong enough to keep invaders out of their bubble. And it’s because of this that they feel like they’ve let themselves down because they didn’t stand up to their abusers.

Moreover, they feel like failures when they’re unable to enforce their boundaries and standards. I’ve been there and, let me tell ya! It’s the worst feeling in the world.

I want you to understand that, no matter what others may tell you or how they may act, it’s okay to refuse their disrespect. It’s okay to say no to bullying.

 Know that you owe it to yourself to say stop to those who insist they have the right to cross your boundaries and invade your space. You have every right to disallow others to disrupt your peace. Know that you deserve a seat at the table of life, not one in the corner.

Realize that setting boundaries and standards is not having an“attitude.” It’s your right!

You must accept that toxic people will put up a ton of resistance to any limitations you set in place. Therefore, take this as a given!

The upside is that the resistance you get will give you clues to who your real friends aren’t.

Resistance is soooo telling! It can help you find out who’s really for your good and who isn’t.

It’s never smart to be a yes-person. Caring about others is great but caring too much is unhealthy.

You need boundaries and standards because, without them, you subject yourself to living your life on autopilot. Put simpler, you’re a car without a steering wheel- a ship without a rudder!

But with boundaries, you have a rudder, and you can chart your life’s course. The winds and currents may change, and the waters might get rough. You may even go off course, but you’ll still have some degree of direction.

In setting boundaries and standards, you’re not completely powerless over what happens to you. You have some say over your destiny.

That’s why it’s crucial that you stand in your power and speak your truth. Never lower yourself and make yourself less than the awesome person you are. Never settle for less than what you want and deserve.

Put yourself first. Stop being a people pleaser. Stop putting your wants and needs on the back burner to keep others satisfied. Practice self-love and self-care.

Accept that people won’t handle it well and be willing to let them go because they don’t deserve a seat at your table. Once you do, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much better life gets and how many people of integrity and sound quality come into your life.

This post was all about pros and cons of asserting boundaries and how doing so can help you take back your personal power and your say in your life’s direction.

Related posts you’ll enjoy:

1. Setting Boundaries: 3 Powerful Practices to Hold Your Ground

2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use

3. How to Respond to Darvo: 7 Powerful Ways to Shut it Down

4. Defending Yourself from Bullies: 11 Best Defenses

5. How to Stop Caring What People Think: 9 Powerful Steps

6. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps