‘Ever heard of reactive bullying? Here’s what it is and why it can lead to trouble.
When bullies force you to tolerate their bullying, the pressure builds over time. You become angry, and that anger also builds. Everyone has a breaking point. And when people push you to yours, you snap and show your ugly side.
This happens all the time, and it can lead to mayhem if you aren’t careful.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn about reactive bullying and its potential impact on you.
Once you learn all about this important, even life-saving information, you will be able to save yourself a lot of drama down the road.
This post is all about reactive bullying, so that you can take steps to save yourself from having it weaponized against you.
Reactive Bullying
What is reactive bullying? Reactive bullies tend to be victims of bullying. Reactive bullying happens when bullies taunt you until you finally snap out of rage and launch a verbal tirade or physical attack against your bullies.
The victim who snaps
You snap after you’ve ignored the bullying for so long. You’ve tried handling it calmly, but it doesn’t help. The bullies only intensify the bullying.
As time passes, the pressure builds slowly. For example, you take a bottle of Coke and shake it up. If you keep shaking it up, it will eventually spew.
This is what happens after people have targeted you for so long. The pressure boils over, and you ultimately explode with rage, lashing out at your tormentors. Realize that you can’t hold it in forever.
So, you let them have it! In other words, you bully them back. Is blowing up and going off on your bullies the wisest thing to do?
No. Why? Because an explosive reaction is precisely what your bullies want. They want you to snap. And, the reason they want you to blow up on them is so they can play the victim and make you look like the bully.
Reactive Bullying:
Your bullies will only weaponize your reaction.
I realize that people can only take so much. I understand that when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough, and I’m with you.
However, bullies are experts at baiting you. Although your reaction may be justified, your bullies will only use it against you. They’ll paint it as proof that you’re mentally unstable.
They’ll say that you’re too sensitive or you’re a drama queen. Also, they may use it to blame you. They may say,
- “Well? Maybe if you wouldn’t get so overly emotional, you’d have friends!”
- “If you didn’t overreact to everything, people would want to be around you more!”
- “Maybe if you’d control your temper, we wouldn’t give you such a hard time!”
Your reaction is a tool they can use to Blame you.
However, see this for what it is. It’s gaslighting of the highest extent. Your bullies mistreat you, then punish you for reacting to their abuse.
They also use it to make excuses for the behavior and deflect the blame back onto you. Sadly, it works like a charm, and bystanders and witnesses believe them.
For example, we’ll use a scene in the movie “Home Alone 2.”
In this scene, the McAllisters are having a family meeting in their living room. The main character, Kevin, is in trouble for pushing his older brother, Buzz, after Buzz humiliated him at the Christmas choir concert.
Buzz gives a fake apology to Kevin and the rest of the family. He then turns toward his little brother and sneakily calls him a trout-sniffer. Then, Buzz baits Kevin into a reaction. Therefore, Kevin gets into trouble with the family, while Buzz gets off scot-free.
Bullies pull the same trick on you.
Reactive Bullying:
Superiors won’t punish your bullies for abusing you, they’ll punish you for your reaction to it.
If you blow a gasket and tear into your bullies, it doesn’t undercut the fact that they initiated it. After all, your bullies are the ones who asked for it and drove you to get out of character.
Every single human one of us is capable of losing our cool after we’ve endured vile treatment for so long. However, many superiors will punish you because they feel that you overreacted.
There will be those who feel that the punishment outweighs the crime.
Therefore, teachers, supervisors, and others in authority must learn to distinguish between provocation and reaction. Then, they will be able to identify the real bully and target.
You must also learn to distinguish between the two so that you can call it out when it happens to you. Fortunately, there are a few reliable ways to differentiate between a provocation and a reaction. In that, you identify the real victim who is only reacting to bullying.
How do you know which person is the bully and which is the victim?
Simple! You can determine this by observing each person’s behavior.
A victim who has only reacted always feels terrible about how they acted once they’ve calmed down. They are usually the first to apologize for it.
A real target will also not be afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake.
On the other hand, a bully must always be right. They will never admit they’ve done anything wrong. Instead, a bully will continue to blame the victim.
They will be overly critical of the target and their reaction. Moreover, bullies will also use the tiniest mistake or imperfection and exaggerate it beyond its actual size. Bullies are also excessively dramatic.
Now, if the bully is a smooth talker, he might even admit to a few minor mistakes or wrongdoings. However, they will always follow that with the claim that the victim is at fault.
Therefore, always look for these signs. Then, you can easily peel the mask off the bully, layer by layer! Moreover, you can protect and care for the victim.
Reactive BULLYING:
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t
As mentioned earlier, the pressure of bullying builds until you snap. Bystanders and superiors may feel that your reaction subtracts from the fact that they drove you to overreact.
As a result, you may stop defending yourself. Why? It seems that every time you stand up for yourself, they punish you for it. Therefore, it may discourage you from standing up for yourself.
As a result, you may feel you have no other choice but to stay silent. You may think it easier to resign yourself, stay quiet, and allow them to keep bullying you.
The fear of them making you the villain overrides your natural desire to defend yourself. And, in your silence, you may hope that others take notice of your passivity and realize that you are, in fact, the target.
However, in most cases, this doesn’t work either. Why? Because, when you suffer bullying, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
What happens when bullies make you out to be the bad guy?
If your bullies make you look like the instigator when you defend yourself, they become brazen. Then, they have carte blanche to bully you any time they feel like it.
Moreover, they will bully you more frequently, more severely, and more openly.
Reactive Bullying:
So What can you do?
You can react to bullying in positive ways. What do I mean by this?
For instance, you can become an advocate against bullying. You can speak for others who suffer from bullying.
Also, you can focus more on your life goals. You can get busy working on those goals and following your dreams. This will buffer your self-esteem from the effects of bullying.
And you can tell your story of how people bully you. And you must, no matter how they shout you down.
Continue to talk about it, no matter how they blame and punish you. Tell your side of the story, even if no one wants to listen to it.
Just having your say can give you such relief. The fact that you got it off your chest and out in the open keeps you from internalizing everything. Also, it saves your self-esteem from being destroyed.
This is all a part of self-care.
The Importance of self-Care
When you’re against these types of odds, self-care is most important. Realize that, although the bullies may never change their behavior toward you, they can never stop you from taking care of yourself.
In these situations, all you have is you. So, practice self-care. Show yourself compassion and do what you must do to preserve your safety and mental health. Be your own best friend. Fight for yourself.
You’re worth fighting for.
Reactive Bullying:
In closing
Reactive bullying is a natural reaction to bullying. However, it can also give bullies a tool to use against you. Therefore, respond to bullying the right way. Never allow your bullies to get you so riled up that you snap.
Why? Because once you lose your cool, you lose your ability to think clearly, and you give your bullies a chance to lay the blame on you.
This post was all about reactive bullying for you to learn what it is and how bullies can use it to their advantage.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Punished for Defending Yourself: What You Can Do
2. Baiting: 5 Ways Bullies Bait You Into a Reaction
3. Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Bullying: 11 No-No’s to be Aware of
4. Speaking Out Against Bullying: 5 Ways Bullies React When You Speak Up