Stop Victim Blaming: 8 Reasons People Blame Targets for Bullying

Cherie White

3 months ago

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Do you want to know how to stop victim blaming by knowing and calling out the reasons why people blame targets for the bad behavior of others? Here are 7 proven reasons why bystanders are so quick to blame victims when other people bully them.

Being blamed for other people’s abuse of you frustrates you and breaks your heart so much more than the initial abuse itself. This is why it’s imperative that we stop victim blaming. Also, we must pause and listen to targets when they speak out against their abusers.

Also, it’s equally important that you be your own voice and learn the tools to do so.

If you’re anything like I was, you’re probably searching for information on why bystanders do this. Moreover, you want to know better ways to call it all out when you speak out against bullying.

As someone who has been in the same spot myself, I’m giving you the reasons why bystanders blame you and side with your bullies. Moreover, I’m giving you ways call it by name and stand tall when bullies attempt to silence you.

In this post, you will learn how to get bystanders to stop victim blaming by learning the reasons why they do it.

Once you learn all these causes, you will then be able to call both bullies and bystanders out bravely and confidently. You will then become a powerful advocate not only for yourself, but for anyone who suffers bullying and abuse.

This post is all about how to get others to stop victim-blaming by knowing and calling out the reasons why they do it.

Why won’t they Stop victim blaming?

One thing I’m certain of is that every target of bullying, has at some point asked either themselves or another person these questions: “Why am I always to blame?” and “Why do my tormentors often get away with tormenting me?”

Here are the answers, and there are many:

1. Bullies are very convincing liars.

Bullies have been lying and covering up bad behavior all of their lives. They have been doing this for long enough that they have learned what works and what doesn’t.

Therefore, they are master manipulators who acquire great skill in the arts of deception.

Bullies are also very good at rationalizing and justifying their unacceptable behavior. They are wordsmiths and con artists, who often use charm to deceive those in authority.

2. Bullies are masters at projection.

In other words, they project all their faults and shortcomings onto their targets. In doing this, they successfully reverse the roles, making the target look like the bully and themselves the victim.

Anytime bullies and abusers face possible accountability for their evil actions, they often cry, feigning victimhood. This tactic is usually employed by female bullies.

3. Why Don’t Bystanders Stop Victim Blaming?

Bullies are very charming to the right people.

Consequently, people can use this as another weapon against a target. Bullies seem to emit an oozing charm. Nevertheless, they have a way of winning people over and making them their allies.

“How are charming bullies able to use their good reputations as weapons?” you may wonder. Here’s a simple explanation.

When the bully has a good name among the majority, it’s much easier for her to fool everyone (except the target). Others find it hard to believe that “this sweet, innocent, pretty little girl” would harm anyone.

Moreover, take a look at the outgoing guy that everyone loves. No one is going to believe that this “fine young man” would ever beat up a smaller boy unless he was provoked.

4. Because this person has so many friends who cherish them.

And the sad reality is this. Even if the bully’s friends did witness them undertake any wrongdoing, they will still more than likely cover-up for the bully out of loyalty and place the blame on you.

5. Another reason why witnesses won’t stop victim blaming. There is strength in numbers.

Unfortunately, most bullies have a large number of friends behind them. And people in large numbers wield a cumulative power that can be overwhelming even for the greatest, toughest, strongest, most intelligent of targets.

In other words, if enough people actively hate a certain person, that person is powerless, no matter how strong, smart, beautiful, or easy-going they may be.

6. Bullies use gaslighting.

In other words, they try to make you feel like the villain or by laying guilt trips or hurling insults. Also, bullies try to convince you that it’s your own fault or that the abuse is just your imagination.

Bullies are masters at this, especially female bullies who use feminine charm to deceive bystanders and authority figures.

Moreover, bullies will deny their abuse and trivialize everything you are experiencing. “Don’t believe your eyes, ears, nor how you feel. You’re too sensitive.”

Perhaps THE most effective gaslighting tactics bullies use is to make you look like you have a mental imbalance.

Why? Because the tough reality is that there’s nothing that will discredit you more than the mental illness label. Nothing!

7. Bullies malign you to others to destroy your good name and credibility:

Moreover, they recruit followers and start a campaign of hate and viciousness against you. They do this by way of rumors, lies, and trying to turn your friends against you.

This occurs to targets regularly in school, the workplace, and in communities. Many times, this is how bullies retaliate against victims who have the gall to stand up to them.

Bullies hate it when you begin refusing to take their abuse.

8. Why Won’t They Stop Victim Blaming?

Blaming the Victim Appeals to the Self-Interests of the entity in charge.

For example, if it’s a school, the bullies may excel academically or be stars of one of the school’s sports teams. Schools have a vested interest in their sports teams and want to win championships. Why? Because it bolsters the school’s image.

Also, if the school has a low number of dropouts and high graduation rate, particularly those who are candidates for colleges, this also reflects highly on the school.

And if the school has a great reputation, the larger number of attending students they’re likely to have, and the more parents likely would want their kids to attend. And the more students they have, the more funding the school gets from their state.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

So, right or wrong, why would the school side with anyone other than its brightest stars and highest achievers?

I want you to realize that in most cases of bullying, it’s not about who’s right or wrong, it’s about who is perceived to have the most power.

Again, most people care less about right and wrong. What they care about is power and how you can benefit them in some way, shape, or form.

“What’s in it for me?”

Why Would they stop victim blaming? They’ve gotten lots of advantages from it.

Bullies get several benefits from victim-Blaming.

1. Bullies use it to protect one another from being labeled by a teacher and getting a bad reputation. Most who have been in school have a least gotten into two fights, which sounds perfectly normal.

However, too many fights, provoke or unprovoked, victims risk the chance of people labeling them “troublemakers.”

2. Destroying the target’s name with the staff would lessen any chances of them being listened to. Bullies can’t chance the target running and “snitching” to members of the authority.

Therefore, this protects them from discipline at school or work. Moreover, it allows them the freedom to do whatever they want to the target whenever they feel like it.

3. Bullies and abusers also use this tactic to silence the target. Also, they mean to make victims afraid to report the bullying or speak out about it.

Targets get the blame because, sadly, the attitudes of most bystanders and members of authority are these:

“Why would so many kids have it in for her if she’s not provoking them somehow?”

“Nobody likes him, so there has to be a reason that justifies it.”

“She’s a lowlife, so she deserves it!”

After all, who will look any further than the child with the worst reputation at school or the employee who isn’t much of a team player? They’re the easiest to point the guilty finger at anytime a confrontation arises?

In other words, if people expect trouble to come from a certain place, that is where they’re going to look. Therefore, the target is under suspicion and the bully gets off scot-free.

Again, it’s all designed to manipulate school staff and save the bullies’ behinds from having to face repercussions and, therefore, leaves an opening for further bullying later on.

Targets not only need the confidence to fight bullying but also knowledge of bullies. The first step of defense is knowing the mindsets and intentions of bullies and the tactics they use.