‘What is suicidal empathy? How do you know you suffer from it? Here’s everything you need to know so that you won’t empathize with people who secretly want to harm you.
Suicidal empathy has become a hot topic in recent months. Therefore, in this post, you will learn exactly what it is. You will also learn the signs and examples of it so that you can see it more clearly.
Once you learn these crucial details, you will be able to identify whether you have it and prevent further self-sabotage.
This post is all about suicidal empathy, so that you know if you have it and realize that it’s okay to protect yourself from those who mean you harm.
What is Suicidal Empathy?
Suicidal empathy is the kind of toxic empathy where you feel bad for the very people who are trying to destroy you. When you have suicidal empathy, you empathize with the wrong people.
To put it another way, you empathize at your own expense.
For instance, you may feel guilty for standing up for yourself. You may believe that you truly deserve to be punished. Here you will discover all the hallmarks of this deadly mental disease.
Signs of Suicidal Empathy.
1. You make excuses for your bullies who are clearly out to hurt you.
You want so badly for them to be your friends that you will go out of your way to prove to them that you are worthy of their friendship. But, friend, let me tell you. You’re spinning your tires for nothing.
So they do something nasty to you, and a family member who loves you sees it. And they aren’t having it.
So, they tell your bullies off and tell them to get the hell off your property. Next, you turn to the caring family member and ask, “Why’d you do that? They were only horsing around.” This is only one example. However, it’s the most popular in this situation.
Realize that bullies may act as if they want to be your friend. And they do this in groups. They pull this game on their victims all the time. But “why would they do that?” You may ask. They do it specifically to get close enough to harm you.
Mostly, school bullies pull this tactic.
They may covertly humiliate you. Or, they may claim to like you, then take subtle potshots to shock you.
So, they surround you in your own yard. The lead bully throws a slight dig at you. Then they slyly look at the other bullies in the group and smile. And then, wink-wink, nod-nod.
You hear quiet snickers and giggles. And you wonder, if they’re swearing up and down that they’re your friends, why are they acting like this?
I’ll tell you why. They’re doing it to keep you confused and on the back foot. Realize that they have likely planned this out from the get-go. Again, they wanted to get close enough to you to get you. And the only way they could do that is to pretend friendship.
So, they make a complete fool of you. And they do it so that they can get together later and laugh at you behind your back. Therefore, if a parent or sibling comes and tells your so-called friends to get lost, pay attention.
Your family member might see something that you’re missing.
2. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:
You’re in an abusive relationship, and you get angry at your parents for suggesting that you leave the creep.
You’re a girl who is dating Mr. handsome and charming. He does and says all the right things at the right time. And he showers you with affections and gifts.
This guy seems like the one of your dreams. Then slowly, as the months go by, the gifts get less frequent. So does the affection. He begins taking little nibbles at your self-esteem by making sneaky digs and suggestions.
For instance, you have invited him to dinner at your parents’ house. During dinner, you tell him about your dream of going to college. And he very sweetly asks you,
“Honey, you are a brilliant lady. Don’t get me wrong. It’s why I love you. But college is tough. Are you sure that you would make it? I don’t want you to end up disappointed.”
You may think that your boyfriend is telling you this because he loves you. After all, he seems concerned and doesn’t want you to suffer disappointment.
Enmity is often disguised as love and concern.
However, your parents see through his candy-coated suggestion. They realize that he is subtly planting seeds of doubt in your mind. And he’s disguising it as love and concern.
Later, after he leaves, your parents tell you that it would not be wise to continue dating this guy. As a result, they annoy you. And you ask them why they would say such a thing.
When they tell you that he’s trying to control you, you only wave them away. You respond with, “That’s ridiculous. He’s only telling me that because he loves me.”
But they know better. Still, you get irritated and snap at them before leaving. This is what suicidal empathy looks like. You empathize with the wrong person—one who only pretends to have your best interests at heart.
A year later, the abuse has escalated, and he’s leaving bruises all over your body. And you look back and realize that your parents were right. They saw something in this boy that you missed.
3. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:
You make excuses for your out-of-control child.
You’re a parent of a fourteen-year-old daughter. She has given you trouble since she was eleven. Your daughter has been sneaking out on the weekends.
Her grades are in the toilet. Why? Because getting her to study is like pulling teeth. And she never turns in her homework.
Moreover, she has been fighting at school and in the streets. And she’s had a few encounters with law enforcement. You dismiss her behavior, saying that she is “just going through some things.”
The following week, someone from the police station calls you. They inform you that your girl was caught shoplifting makeup from a department store.
Still, you don’t have the intestinal fortitude to correct your child. Instead, you blame the store for being greedy and the police for being too hard on her.
4. Your son just beat the crap out of you, and you turn around and bail him out of jail.
You have an overly entitled son. He yells at you, and talks shit to you, and you stand there and talk it. Or, you do the gentle parenting routine. You speak to him about respect and why it’s essential.
But the kid isn’t going for it. He thinks he knows better than you do. Therefore, he tells you that he’s going to do whatever the hell he wants. And there’s nothing you can do to stop him.
On the weekends, he sits on his butt in your basement, playing video games all day. During the week, he skips school most days to hang out with his buddies.
When you find out what the boy has been doing, you confront him. This escalates to an argument. Then, you both come to blows, and he beats the thunder out of you.
So, you call the cops, and they arrest him. And, the next day, you post his bail. You tell others that he’s really a good kid, but he’s going through a lot. He’s depressed. Or, he’s having a rough time of it.
And that’s why he just whooped your ass. Right?
5. Signs of Suicidal Empathy:
Unnecessary Guilt.
We could use a few examples here. The other kids are bullying you in the locker room. They’re beating you up. Or, they may be calling you names. They might even be playing cruel jokes on you.
However, you feel guilty for their behavior. Why? Because you believe that you must have done something to make them do it. Only you don’t know what you did.
You don’t realize that they have conditioned you to believe it’s your fault.
Maybe you’re a battered wife whose husband snaps and punches her in the face. And he tells you that if you don’t do things to piss him off, he won’t hit you. Sadly, you believe him.
Or, you make excuses for his behavior. “He just lost his job,” or “He’s going through a hard time right now. He doesn’t mean to do these things.”
Therefore, each time he slaps you around, you wonder what you must have done. And the cycle continues.
And if someone in your family committed a severe crime, that has no bearing on you. You’re not guilty. Therefore, you aren’t responsible.
Toxic people will try to make you feel guilty for things that you, personally, haven’t done. So, don’t fall for that.
6. Self-hatred.
You’ve been bullied at school or at work. Or, maybe the media has convinced you that you are evil based on some physical characteristic. Moreover, they say that everyone who has that trait is evil.
So, you become ashamed of being who you are. If you could get rid of that trait, you would be perfect. Right?
If you’re bullied at school for having red hair, you grow to hate your hair. So, instead of loving yourself as you are, you allow bullies to define you. Instead of refusing to believe the garbage they spew, you take it as gospel.
There’s one thing you need to know right now. Others may hate you, but you should never hate yourself. Never allow them to cause you to see yourself through their lens.
Stop allowing others to define who you are. Only you have that knowledge!
7. Suicidal Empathy:
Feeling guilty for defending yourself.
During the last ten years, society has trained us not to defend ourselves. For example, six years ago, some implied that you had no right to call 911 if someone invaded your home.
They claimed you valued your belongings more than the home invader’s life. However, there’s something you should know.
You have every right to defend yourself. Why? Because all humans have this instinct. Its name is “self-preservation instinct” or “survival instinct.”
Therefore, it doesn’t matter what anyone says. You have a God-given, animal right to protect your own life and the lives of your family. Always remember that!
8. You virtue signal.
When you virtue signal, you are willing to do some really degrading things. And for what? To prove to others that you aren’t what they say you are?
For instance, a few years back, we watched videos of people kneeling before certain interest groups. And they did it in public? Why? Because they wanted to show the world that they weren’t “racists.”
If you feel you must bend over backwards to win approval, then you’re an insecure person. To degrade yourself for people whose approval you never had and never will? That’s a weakness to the greatest extent.
Why waste your energy trying to prove yourself to people who will never validate you anyway? It’s a waste of time! No matter what you do, the people you bow down to will always hate you.
Moreover, they will laugh at you because of the fool you make of yourself. Anytime you pander to people who couldn’t care less about you, you only embarrass yourself.
Stop humiliating yourself! You have nothing to prove to anyone but God and yourself. You see? If you aren’t an evil person, there’s no need to prove it. Your goodness is already there, whether others notice it or not.
Suicidal Empathy:
The Great Pandering
Today, you see governments turning somersaults to protect criminals and invaders and make excuses for them. And they only punish the innocent. Moreover, they hang their own citizens out to dry. Why? To prove that they aren’t Islamophobes or xenophobes.
Moreover, it’s how schools and workplaces protect bullies. You see companies throwing away talent and hard work in favor of identity and ideology. This is a form of virtue signaling.
Understand that if you are secure in who you are, you won’t feel the need to prove that you aren’t the label of the day. Therefore, you’ll punish wrong and reward right without fear.
Another way you pander is to pander to bullies because you’re afraid they might punish you somehow. But know this. When you feel you must pander, it’s a sign that someone is gaslighting you.
9. You downplay your own positive qualities to make someone else feel better about themselves.
If nothing else, understand this: If anyone tries to convince you that you must shrink yourself, they are not the ones you need to be around.
For example, a married woman has an opportunity to land a job that pays her twice what her abusive husband makes. And she turns it down because she doesn’t want to make him angry by out-earning him.
Moreover, this doesn’t only happen in marriages. It also happens in friendships, at school, and in the workplace.
So, again, if you must make yourself small to boost someone else’s ego, then you may need to make adjustments.
Suicidal Empathy:
In Conclusion
Empathizing with people who are down on their luck is fine. However, empathizing with wrongdoers puts you in danger.
Therefore, we must know the difference between empathy and suicidal empathy. Know the kind of people we are feeling sorry for. And once we do, we will be able to place our empathy where it belongs.
And, most importantly, we can do it while ensuring our safety.
This post was all about suicidal empathy so that you will know how to empathize without doing it at your own expense.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. The Guilty Conscience: The Top 4 Ways Bullies Act When You Speak Up
3. Signs Someone is Gaslighting You: The 13 Must-Know Symptoms