‘Want to know why self-comparison is such a confidence killer? Here are all the reasons you need to be aware of.
Self-comparison is the killer of self-esteem.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about self-comparison so that you’ll know to avoid it like the plague.
Also, you’ll learn how to catch yourself when you start to compare yourself to others and shut it down before it does any damage.
Once you learn all about this evil mental disease, you will be about to keep your confidence and self-esteem healthy and enjoy being you.
This post is all about self-comparison and why you should avoid it so you can recognize it and avoid it.
Self-Comparison
Self-comparison is the enemy is the one thing you should stay away from. Here are a few reasons why.
1. It discourages you from being yourself.
Many targets of bullying get into the habit of comparing themselves to others. For example, a bullied kid sitting in the lunchroom at school may look a few tables over from him.
He may see the very kids who bully him surrounded by friends, yucking it up and having a good time. They seem to be enjoying friendships while the bullied kid is left in the cold.
Moreover, watching them causes an ache in the kid’s heart. It may even make him angry at the injustice of it. He thinks to himself:
“I wish I were like him because if I were, I’d have friends too. I hate him because he’s a creep and doesn’t deserve to be so lucky! Why him? I deserve it more than he does? It’s not fair!”
But when is life ever fair?
2. It makes you resentful.
Here’s another example. A coworker at a company sees another coworker who hasn’t put in as much time as he has. The boss gives the newer employee a promotion.
The older coworker immediately gets angry. Moreover, he thinks that the only way the other guy must’ve gotten that promotion is by sucking up to the boss. He then begins to wish the other coworker all kinds of bad luck.
3. Self-Comparison makes you jealous.
The root of this is thinking that someone else is just luckier or better off than you.
Again, comparing yourself to others is a real self-esteem killer. But sadly, people do it all the time. When you compare your life to someone else’s, it only breeds all kinds of toxic emotions, two of which are anger and jealousy.
Understand that you cannot judge the appearances someone keeps up and accurately guess what their life is like. Because people are notorious for showing only the best parts of their lives and keeping the less-than-desirable parts hidden.
Also realize that some people, bullies especially, making it a point to flash only the positive aspects of their lives to those around them. And they do it for the sole purpose of provoking envy.
Why? Because knowing that others are jealous of them is a huge boost to their egos. It gives them a sense of power and superiority. Realize that the appearances these people keep up are only a show. Here are a few examples.
Example 1.
At school, many of my bullies looked like they really had their lives going for them. However, things weren’t so rosy for them at home.
Some of them had drunken fathers who would come home from the local bar and smack their mothers around. And they had to watch that!
Here’s another example. You see some guy at work. Every day, he comes to work decked out in fancy clothes. He pulls into the parking lot, driving a hot sports car. He also has a six-bedroom house in the ritzy part of town.
Although he may look like he’s rolling in money, he’s more than likely living beyond his means. Chances are he’s in debt up to his eyeballs. He probably feels terrified inside because he knows that if the slightest setback happens, he’ll lose it all!
This is why self-comparison is such a waste of your time. Because it causes you to sit around, looking at those you think have it better. And, in reality, they’re probably much worse off than you are.
Yet, you waste all that energy hating on them. You must stop this right now!
Self-Comparison:
Example 2
You’re a single lady. You see a seemingly happy couple in a shopping mall. They look so happy and so in love. Also, they have friends gathered around them. But you have no clue what goes on in their house.
Her husband could be beating the crap out of her behind closed doors (or vise versa) and they’re only putting on airs. Also, they might be on the brink of divorce.
Example 3
You’re scrolling through your social media news feed. Suddenly, you see pictures of your next door neighbor, lying on the beach in the tropics. But what you don’t realize is that they had to clean out their savings just to take that trip.
You don’t See what others are dealing with in private.
Here’s my point. Never judge anyone who seems a little luckier than you. Why? Because, in private, they could be fighting battles you know nothing about.
They may have a mother at home dying of cancer. Or, they might have a father who went off to war and never came back. The person could be buried in legal issues.
Self-Comparison kills your happiness.
For instance, you feel so content with your life until you spot someone who looks like they have it much better than you. Then, all of a sudden, you’re feeling less than. This should indicate how useless self-comparison and jealousy really are.
Therefore, if you’re a victim of bullying and the next time you spot someone who has a lot of friends, think about this. Some of those friends may only pretend to like them. Those same friends may talk some mad shit about them once their back is turned.
So, don’t allow it to cause you to compare yourself to them. So, how do you get rid of self-comparison?
Count your blessings.
You get rid of it by taking your attention off these people and counting your blessings. Because although they may be luckier than you in one aspect, you are most likely better off than them in other ways. Think about it.
Also, understand that anytime you feel jealous of another person, it only means that deep inside, you’re insecure. It means that you have a deep-seated spirit of lack and failure. Therefore, you want to take the other person’s good fortune away from them and keep it for yourself.
And lastly, it’s a sign that you don’t feel that you can ever reach those goals yourself. Stop it! Because if they can, you can too.
Stop comparing yourself to others because it’s a waste of time and energy. It also drains your confidence.
Know that you are enough and your life is enough. And you never know what the future holds. You too may someday buy your dream home, find a loving partner, or get the opportunity to go on a tropical getaway.
For now, be happy for those who are presently getting those opportunities. Instead of provoking jealousy in you, these people should inspire you and give you hope for the future. Moreover, they should inspire you to work toward your goals and dreams.
Self-Comparison cause you to degrade yourself.
Although you can never control how others see you or how they behave toward you, you can control how you see and treat yourself. You have a choice of whether to keep them in your life or kick them out of it.
Remember that your thoughts are free, and you choose the way you think of yourself. You control how you see yourself. Moreover, you choose whether or not to care what other people think!
So, if bullies are trying to make you feel less than by rubbing their successes in your face, realize that you don’t have to put up with it.
No one deserves to live, work, or learn in an unsafe environment. You’re well within your rights to walk away and never look back. And, if you can’t walk away, then make changes that benefit you until you can.
Therefore, stop caring what people think! Stop comparing yourself to others. Be happy, be yourself, and watch the benefits of it begin to roll in! Then, enjoy those advantages!
You don’t have to feel less than because someone else is reaping their harvest before yours comes in. It isn’t necessary. You have just as much of a chance at success as anyone else. You just don’t know it yet.
Therefore, learn to love yourself. Be satisfied with where you are for the time being. Practice your talents and gifts. Do the things you enjoy most. And spend time with the people who love you.
Most importantly, give a little of yourself to help others without expecting anything in return. And I promise you. It will pay off sooner or later.
Jealousy isn’t necessary. Continue to work on your goals and dreams. Stay confident. Be yourself. And know that there will come a day when you too will enjoy success in all aspects of your life.
This post is all about self-comparison so that you’ll know how damaging it can be to your confidence and take steps to avoid it.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Jealousy and Bullying: 7 Proven Signs Your Bullies are Jealous
2. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think
3. Bullying and Self Confidence: 7 Steps to Keeping Your Confidence Up When People Bully You