‘Want to know all the covert bullying examples so that you can recognize them when you see them? Here are all the sneaky tactics bullies use so that you can see it and call it out.
Covert bullying can be difficult to detect, which is why it’s so hard to defend against.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all the covert bullying examples and how to stand up to it.
Once you learn all about this important information, you will be better able to recognize it when you see it and defend yourself when it happens to you.
This post will give you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll spot it and stand up to it when bullies get sneaky about their insults and personal attacks.
Covert Bullying Examples
Bullies are big cowards and most will take tiny nibbles of your self-esteem through subtle insults and sneaky attacks. Here are all the examples of covert bullying and how to stand up to subtle bullies who use stealth abuse to undermine your confidence.
1. They Will Make Softened Statements.
Euphemism- word, phrase or statement that softens a harsher meaning.
Seasoned bullies are well-known for euphemisms. In other words, they soften their words so that they don’t look bad to others.
Anytime bullies soften their insults, they appear concerned for your well-being. They seem sympathetic. However, don’t be misled. In reality, they’re anything but!
By softly putting you down, your bullies persuade their listeners to confirm and justify their atrocious behavior. And when they get the confirmation they seek, they get the green light to continue talking.
Here are the most common softened statements.
- “I hope she gets the help she needs.”
- “The poor guy, it’s sad that people treat him so bad.”
- “I know I shouldn’t say this, but…”
- “Bless her heart, she’s such a miserable and unhappy person.”
- “I sincerely hope she can go someplace where she can be happy.”
I want you to understand that when your bullies make these statements, they’re not the least bit concerned about your well-being. They’re only concerned with how they look and sound to everyone else.
They’re only putting on a good front to cover their true feelings.
2. Covert Bullying Examples:
Bullies will use Doublespeak
Bullies are slick with their insults. Many times, they may disguise their vitriol and contempt with the use of doublespeak. And it’s the same as using softened statements.
The term “doublespeak” comes from George Orwell’s book “1984.” Bullies use doublespeak when they words that sound more palatable to the ears. Bullies use doublespeak to lessen their chances of turning other people off.
This form of abuse is covert because it makes the bully sound like a caring, concerned person rather than a vicious one.
For example:
Bullies degrade you in front of others. However, rather than being blunt, they’ll be polite about it.
Instead of, “I can’t stand him, he’s batshit nuts and he belongs in the nuthouse!” they’ll say,
“I’m very concerned about him. I think he has a mental imbalance somewhere that hasn’t been addressed. I hope he gets the help he needs.”
The first version would make the bully sound mean and nasty. The second version sounds so much better. It makes the bully look like a good person who’s genuinely concerned for you.
Here’s another example:
A female bully is putting her neighbor down. But rather than say,
“I’d like to catch her in the street and beat the living crap out of her and leave her to die!” which would make the bully sound like a vindictive and hateful bitch, she says,
“If she doesn’t change her attitude, I’m afraid someone’s going to hurt her really bad!”
Again, the second version sounds so much better because it shows concern rather than hatred. Also, it makes you look like you must be bringing the bad treatment on yourself.
It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it. Moreover, it’s the nonverbal communication you use with it that makes all the difference. It’s just too easy to bully someone without looking like a bully!
You know when you’re being bullied no matter how covert your bullies may be. The trick is to call it out in the early stages before the sneaky attacks become a set pattern.
Never let anyone grow too comfortable with abusing you. Why? Because they’ll escalate their bullying until it gets out of control.
And once bullying gets out of control, your bullies won’t even try to hide it! And that’s when you will be in grave danger!
So, call it out in the early stages. It’s the only way you’ll be able to put a stop to it!
3. Covert Bullying Examples:
Your bullies will make vague excuses.
Your bullies will make these statements When they can’t come up with a good excuse for their rotten behavior
Any time others ask your bullies why they behave the way they do toward you, they will often come up with vague excuses. Moreover, they’ll conjure up something that sounds plausible and makes sense.
For example, your bullies will make one of the following excuses:
- “She just rubs me the wrong way!”
- “I just don’t like him.”
- “I just get a bad feeling about her!”
- “There’s just something about him that I don’t like!”
- “She just gives me a bad feeling!”
- “I just don’t feel good around him!”
- “Something about her just scares me!”
4. Your Bullies will pull “I just have a bad feeling about” so-and-so routine.
Let’s face it, we’ve all met people who instantly give us the heebie-jeebies. There will be those who make you suspicious of them. And you didn’t have to see them do anything for them to raise your alarm bells.
The person won’t even have to speak. They may even be a nice person and very well-behaved. However, you still won’t feel good around them.
Therefore, these explanations are so plausible. Because some people, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong, just seem to creep you out. And you should always follow your gut instinct.
However, these explanations are covert because they’re so plausible and relatable. Therefore, bullies can leverage them. In other words, they can use them to make others suspicious of you. As a result, people may even begin shunning and abusing you.
Covert Bullying Examples:
Others will suspect you too.
Understand that many bullies have the ability to charm and draw others to them.
Therefore, if the bully saying this about you happens to be a trusted and highly thought of person, those listening will automatically think, “Whoa! If so-and-so gives Becky a bad feeling, then what have I been missing here?”
Therefore, they will view you with a cautious eye too. Remember that moods, emotions, and behaviors have a highly contagion effect. In other words, they tend to spread over a group like a brush fire!
Here’s the thing. When people think highly of your bullies, they trust their judgment. Therefore, they’ll likely doubt their own senses and go with the word of the bully.
And they’ll do it simply because they like them. Put simpler, they will trust the bullies’ judgement more than they do their own.
But, know that these evil people are trying to be slick! The purpose for maneuver is to cast doubt on you in the eyes of others and provoke suspicion. Nothing more.
All it takes is one seed of doubt to start a long smear campaign. Therefore, the best thing to do is to see it for what it is. It’s a smear campaign in the making.
And just watch your bullies escalate it from there. Watch them try to “create” bogus stories.
Moreover, they’ll create proof to back it up. How will they do it?
They’ll do it by baiting you into an altercation. If you react, they’ll use your normal reaction and spin it to fit their twisted narrative. That’s how it works. So, be alert!
If possible, the best thing to do is to avoid them altogether. You want to save yourself a ton of drama. Remember! Out of sight, out of mind!
5. Covert Bullying Examples:
They will use Confabulations.
Many times, bullies will blow up on you for absolutely no reason. Later, when people question them about the blow-up, they won’t remember why they lost their temper.
Therefore, they’ll drum up fake memories to fill in the blanks. You must understand that bullies do this to sound plausible instead of ridiculous.
When bullies confabulate, they do it to feel sane. And the way they feel sane is to insert made-up stories to fill in the blanks.
Sometimes, people mistake confabulations for real memories.
When bullies confabulate a justifiable reason for their appalling behavior, they believe themselves. Therefore, is it any wonder that most abusers appear to be telling the truth?
It’s why they’re so good at justifying and rationalizing their abusive actions? When a person believes their own lies, others will likely believe them too.
Bystanders and witnesses
Confabulations have an incredible effect on witnesses. When people hear lies spoken as truths, it is as if you’ve entered the twilight zone.
No one wants to be under a bully’s influence. However, people get sucked in all the time. Many people have had their lives destroyed, even taken because they were persuaded by bullies.
Moreover, those who saw through it and spoke out were silenced. Or, they paid a heavy price for daring to open their mouths. This has also happened to entire cultures and populations.
Understand that confabulations can be a powerful weapon. And it’s why you must learn to properly counter them. Or, you can let the bully drag them out until others get tired of hearing them squawking about it.
6. Covert Bullying Examples:
Bullies use Plausible Deniability
Most bullying is emotional and psychological torture. Sure, there are many physically violent bullies out there. They are psychologically traumatize you enough by using their fists.
However, most physical bullies aren’t socially intelligent. They aren’t persuasive.
Many of these types of bullies attack in groups wearing masks over their faces to ensure anonymity. Maybe they’re so well-connected that they’re almost untouchable.
Or, they don’t care about the consequences they will face.
Again, most bullies prefer psychological violence. And the reason is that there are no visible bruises or wounds to prove it. And without visible marks, there’s no proof of abuse.
The plausible deniability of it is what makes this tactic so covert.
Therefore, when you report the abuse, the perpetrators aren’t likely to get into trouble for it. Also, you stand a pretty good chance of taking the blame.
7. They Use Exaggerations and distortions.
These are the kinds of covert deception bullies love to practice. Bullies understand that a pure lie isn’t likely to be believed. Therefore, it would only discredit them.
However, if they tell a half-truth, people will more than likely believe it. A half-truth is a lie that contains a tiny grain of truth. And the cleverest of liars use them.
Exaggerations and distortions are the same as half-truths. They’re perfect for bullies because, again, there’s always a degree of truth to them.
For example, a bully will provoke you. They will keep provoking you until you get fed up. You’ll finally to tell the bully to buzz off. And you may use a low, angry growl to do it.
Later, the bully will tell others about it, making sure to blow it up, and make it bigger than it was. They’ll say that you started the confrontation. Moreover, they’ll exaggerate what happened.
The bully may tell everyone else that you screamed and cursed them out. And they’ll leave out the part where they kept provoking you until you got tired of their crap and told them to buzz off.
And the part where you told them to buzz off? The bully will distort it by saying that you told them to f*** off.
Therefore, always be prepared when you know you’re going to walk into a snake pit.
Covert Bullying Examples:
How to Defend Yourself
Here are ways to defend yourself by gathering evidence:
1. Document it.
It’s crucial to document each bullying incidence and do it in detail. Use the 5W method (what, who, why, when, where…and sometimes how).
Write down what happened, who was involved, and who the bystanders and witnesses were. Also record why the bullying incident happened (retaliation for reporting a prior bullying incident?).
Be sure to include when it happened (date and exact time of incidence) and where it happened (school bathroom, locker room, behind the school, the company parking lot, etc.).
2. Wear a body camera
If you live in a one-party consent jurisdiction and the laws permit you to wear one, I recommend you wear a body camera. In fact, I can’t stress it enough!
Body cams that record both video and audio are your best bet. However, if you can only get a cam that records video, that’s fine too. With these, you can still capture physical attacks and body language.
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a video is worth a thousand pictures. Why? Because if bullying is caught on video, there’s no question that it’s happening.
This is why it’s the best evidence you can get!
3. Covert Bullying Examples:
Keep a digital recorder handy
These are good for recording verbal altercations. Also, many of them can play recordings that sound clear and not muffled.
4. Make 3-4 Copies of your evidence
Whether it’s documentation, body cam recordings, or digital audio recordings, it’s always best to make several copies of the evidence.
Why? Because schools and workplaces are notorious for deliberately misplacing or losing your evidence of bullying.
Yeah, I know. Convenient, isn’t it?
5. Keep each of your copies in different locations.
This is so important! Because, if you think school districts and companies won’t snoop, you’re only fooling yourself. In fact, many entities have hired people to break into victims’ houses to search for evidence they can dispose of.
When it comes to the threat of being sued, schools and companies will resort to anything, and I mean anything!
6. Covert Bullying Examples:
Screenshot and save any nasty and abusive emails, texts, or private messages
Very important! Any time bullies resort to cyber-bullying you, they automatically leave a paper trail! Screenshot it, save it, and, if need be, print them all out.
Make copies of them. Store each copy in an entirely different place (your house, your grandma’s house, your lawyer’s office, etc.) Also, you can store them in a fireproof safe!
Realize that schools and companies may snoop through your garbage when you put it out on the street for the trash-men to pick up. Moreover, they may break into your vehicle or your home to snoop around for any evidence you might have against them.
You must realize that these people will do anything to cover their butts. I can’t count the articles I’ve read about these things happening to targets of bullying, whether in school, the workplace, or community.
And in today’s world, bullies are now targeting their victims with surveillance drones. Also, school boards are targeting parents with electronic surveillance as well, then spreading their private information and pictures of children to some evil entities.
It’s a very dangerous world nowadays and you never know what sick people you’re dealing with.
7. Never count on anyone else to investigate bullying for you.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to gather your own evidence. Therefore, quietly do your own investigation.
It’s pointless to rely on the school or workplace to investigate for you. Why? Because the results will only be in the bullies’ and the investigating entity’s favor, not yours!
So, never, ever trust anyone else to gather evidence or investigate for you. When bullies target you for bullying, you cannot afford to trust anyone but yourself. I’m not joking!
When you’re bullied, it’s not the time to be lazy. The only person you can depend on is you. Only you can gather the evidence you need to prove that bullies are targeting you. And, only you can take legal action, and get justice.
This post gave you all the covert bullying examples so that you’ll know them when you see them in real time.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Psychological Abuse Tactics: 9 Mind Games Seasoned Bullies Use
2. Social Bullying Examples: 7 Reasons Bullies Destroy Relationships