When others tell you, “You Can’t,” does it annoy you or does it cause you to believe in yourself a little less each time they say it?
Understand that there are reasons why people say this. ‘Wanna know what those reasons are?
When you have people telling you that you can’t do, be or accomplish something, it can be a real morale-killer. Sadly, victims of bullying and abuse hear this reply a lot! If you’re one of these people like I was, you must know why they do it.
In this post, you will learn the reasons why others tell you, “you can’t.” You’ll also learn the exact motivations and intentions behind it.
Once you learn all these reasons, motivations, and intentions and the place the statement comes from, you will be better able to blow it off and do it anyway.
When Others Tell You, “You Can’t”
“When others tell you, “you can’t,” they actually fear that you can and are even more afraid that you will.”
– Cherie White –
There are reasons why people discourage you. Sometimes, it’s unintentional. However, more often, it’s purposeful. Here are the reasons why they say this and why you should let it go in one ear and out the other.
1. Jealousy
Many times, people abuse and mistreat you because they are more aware of your potential than you are. In other words, they are jealous of that potential.
Understand that these people are scared to death that you’re going to make it in life later on. Therefore, they ridicule your dreams and try their hardest to make you ashamed of them so that you’ll stop pursuing them.
They know that if they can convince you to stop pursuing those dreams and worse, stop believing in yourself, they just might steer you away from success. So, see this for what it is.
It’s a sneaky form of sabotage!
2. When others tell you, “you can’t,” It’s because your success would be a threat to their power
This is especially true with bullies and abusers. Understand that these people see you as inferior to them. Therefore, any success you achieve will threaten their power. Moreover, it would crush their egos.
Understand that these people just aren’t happy people. Why do you think they go out of their way to bring you down, rain on your parade, trash your dreams?
Think about it. How many happy people who are satisfied with their own lives do you see sitting or standing around putting others down?
Therefore, if you have a person or group of people in your life who are constantly bombarding you with insults and horrible names, they just might be projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you.
Moreover, when people say that you will never amount to anything nor achieve anything, it’s because they want you to believe it. And, if you allow them to convince you that you’re nothing, you will unknowingly began to live up to it.
Therefore, you’ll only play right into their hands. You must never allow yourself to be taken in by these monsters. Hold on to your confidence no matter what! Refuse to believe their hogwash!
3. To tear down your confidence.
Some people are envious of your confidence and do everything possible to destroy it. Therefore, they constantly belittle you and put you down.
However, you must know why they do it. And that’s to avoid feeling so miserable about themselves and look bigger to others. Again, there’s yet a much deeper reason: Those people are deathly afraid that you will amount to something, that you’ll become successful- more successful than them.
Confidence alone is enough to threaten bullies.
4. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s Because they’re afraid you’ll show them up.
Moreover, they’re afraid that you’ll prove them all wrong and force them to back-peddle and eat every nasty word that came out of their mouths about you.
Let’s face it. Crow doesn’t sound like a delicious dish. No one likes to be shown up. Even worse, people hate it when the person they thought was less-than and would never be anyone reaches success.
Why? Because when the perceived underdog makes a huge accomplishment, he only exposes those who made themselves out to be the over-dogs. Moreover, he exposes them by highlighting the inferiority they so desperately tried to hide.
In other words, when you become a winner, you remind those haters, bullies, and naysayers of everything they didn’t or couldn’t do. You also remind them of everything they never could and will never be.
It is as if you’re holding a mirror up to them and showing them their nude reflections. You reflect back to them the ugly and downright disgusting parts of themselves they never wanted to see. Most don’t like to see themselves naked for all the cellulite, dimples, and bumps of fat.
Therefore, it’s the same with seeing their true personalities. Your success exposes the laziness and mediocrity they’ve been so comfy and content with living in, yet tried to conceal.
“Who do you think you are! I labeled you as a loser, and you didn’t live up to that! How dare you!”
This is exactly what your bullies from high school or a past job will think when you reach your star! I promise you! Trust me when I say that bullies aren’t happy people, though they pretend to be. They’re only happy when they’re making someone else feel like manure.
5. At their core, they are miserable, bitter, and afraid.
Bullies have to make someone else a target so that they won’t become targets themselves. Therefore, they put you down to hide or distract others from their shortcomings. Your bullies and abusers must find someone they perceive to be weaker than themselves to degrade to take the negative focus off them.
Your accolades only put the spotlight right back on them. It’s why they’ve tried to keep you down for so long. And it took a lot of work for them to do it, which brings me to another point; nobody likes the thought of wasted effort.
As long as you’re winning at life, bullies can’t touch you. When you succeed in life, you unwittingly put your bullies in the hot seat because you force them to look like the utter fools they are.
You force them to deal with a truth they don’t want to realize. And that truth is that all along, you’ve always had it in you to reach your goals and live a prosperous life.
So, no matter what people say, no matter how others treat you, never lose sight of your worth or your goals!
6. When Others Tell you, “You Can’t,” It’s because They want to stay superior to you.
In other words, they don’t want you to be equal and they for damn sure can’t stand the thought of you being superior to them! Noooo!
7. To make you nervous
Why? Because they know that when a person is nervous, they’re likely to make mistakes.
Think about it. When you’re extremely nervous, you drop things and trip over stuff. Why? Because the intense nervousness and fear make you awkward and uncoordinated. In other words, it makes you clumsy. The human stress response is a tricky little devil!
You become even more afraid, which makes the clumsiness worse. Moreover, you become fearful of screwing up and afraid to fail. You’re also afraid to be yourself because you know your bullies are watching you closely.
Also, you know that your mistakes and failures are precisely what they’re waiting for.
For example, a bullied girl bakes a cake in Home Economics, only for it to collapse like a souffle. A bullied boy accidentally drops the ball on the basketball court in Physical Education. A company supervisor oversees a project, only for it to fall flat and be ridiculed.
And it seems the harder you try not to screw up, the more you do. You’re confused and don’t know which end is up. Making choices is hard and you aren’t sure which decisions are the right ones. No one can think clearly when nerves take over.
Additionally, when your mind and body are in panic mode, your brain begins to rewire itself for a hostile environment. It does this after people have, for so long, subjugated you to inhumane treatment.
Therefore, the part of your mind that deals with decision-making and emotional regulation automatically shuts down. And you’re at the mercy of your primal instincts!
8. When Others Tell You, “You Can’t,” It’s only To Psychologically sabotage you
Realize that this is nothing more than a psychological operation that bullies employ to trick your mind into believing that you just might fail. Therefore, do not, no matter what, allow these people to manipulate you this way!
Why? Because they really will cause you to self-sabotage and fail if you do.
This is why most victims of bullying have low grades and performance in school. Also, it’s why victims of workplace bullying often have work projects that decline.
As a result, teachers and supervisors look at victims of bullying as failures and nuisances.
You may need to leave the toxic environment.
This is why you must get out of the bullying environment and away from those poisonous people if the bullying seems to get worse. Your life and your life chances depend on it.
And once you’re out of that toxic place, you’ll be amazed at how quickly the nervousness, clumsiness, and awkwardness will go away!
Moreover, you’ll be astonished at how your grades in school skyrocket and your performance at work drastically improves!
Why? Because the nervousness will fade quickly. Therefore, you will be calm again, finally. You’ll be able just to relax, breathe, and be. And that’s a freedom I can’t describe when I remember how it happened for me.
The relief will be so great! You will have the feeling of coming up for air after having your head held underwater. When you’re in a new place and around better people, you can put your best foot forward and start anew!
It may be frightening at first because, after all, you just came out of an abusive situation, and you may need time to get used to the new people in your life. You may be afraid of being bullied again. But I promise you that you can make new friends and you can finally enjoy equal treatment.
Also, because you’ll be a fresh face. In most cases, everyone loves the new kid because there’s an air of mystery that surrounds them. So, take advantage of that.
Once you’re able to relax and be yourself, you’ll be able to speak and do things more confidently and assuredly. Your actions and movements will be fluid and the clumsiness and confusion will fade away. I guarantee it!
When Others Tell You, “You Can’t” – In Summary:
If you’re working hard to better your life and pursue your goals and dreams, expect bullies and even people who aren’t bullies to discourage you. Moreover, If you happen to be a target of bullying, understand that it’s nothing more than psy-ops bullies are trying to use against you.
See it for what it’s designed to do. And that is to suppress you and make you afraid of even trying because you risk the possibility of failing.
Even bullies know that if you keep trying long enough, you’re very likely to succeed.
Realize that bullies can’t handle the successes of anyone. And they most definitely can’t take it if it’s achieved by anyone they deem inferior.
Moreover, understand that a bully’s feelings of power and superiority come from one-upmanship, and when his/her target succeeds at anything, it undermines that sense of superiority.
Proverbially, any success you enjoy only takes your bullies down a notch or two. This makes them angry. Therefore, they want to put you back in your place.
Therefore, when you reach success, expect this type of attitude and behavior from your bullies. Know that it will reignite a lot of rage and jealousy in them. It will also induce the need to take revenge. No way will they allow you to upstage them.
When this happens, don’t feel bad but feel good about it. Why? Because it only shows that your bullies are jealous and desperate to have what you have. Expect people to act ignorant. Look forward to when others tell you, “you can’t.”
Then let it go in one ear and out the other and keep working hard. Moreover, never apologize for any successes you’ve had.
This post is all about how to respond when others tell you, “you Can’t,” so that you can ignore the naysayers, save your self-esteem and keep striving to reach your goals!
1. Knowing Yourself: Why it’s the First Step in Building Confidence
2. Signs of Toxic People: 5 Tell-Tale Indicators
3. No Apology Necessary: 8 Things You Should Never Apologize For
4. How to Stop Being a People Pleaser: 5 Powerful Steps
5. Be Happy Be Yourself: 3 Benefits You Reap When You Stop Caring What Others Think