‘Want to know about confronting bullying in the workplace and how to do it? Here are all the details you need to know.
In this post, you will learn how to go about confronting bullying in the workplace from someone who did it successfully, so that you can avoid losing your job or career.
Once you learn all about this crucial information, you won’t be such an easy target for any bully at work who comes for you.
This post is all about confronting bullying in the workplace so that you can emerge victorious.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace
Very few people ever come out the winner if they’re a target of bullying in the workplace. I say this because when I worked in a toxic and poisonous work environment, I saw so many people who fell victim.
Droves of innocent workers lost their jobs and some, their careers. All because of a clique of mentally deranged coworkers who had gained power they had no business having.
These employees were the best and the kindest people. And my heart broke for them. It still does when I think back.
A New Job
In late 2007, I began working for a sanitation company that contracted with Shady Grove Living Center in Oakley. My supervisor, *Darnell, and my coworkers were the best.
Sure, we had our disagreements and our spats. However, I could never have dreamed of working with a better supervisor and team. And on many occasions, we’d have so much fun together!
Another great thing was that we didn’t work for the nursing home. We were employed by a separate company contracted with them. So, in reality, no one at the nursing home had any power over us, though they loved to think they did.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Watching and Observing
I was well aware that the site was very toxic. This is because I did not set out to make friends. And I didn’t share anything about myself to anyone. Instead, I wanted to feel everyone out first.
So, I stood back and observed the people and the goings-on around me. And during my first week of employment there, it didn’t take long to figure out who the troublemakers were.
From then on, I made sure to avoid the drama queens, the gossips, and the bullies. Moreover, I did my job and minded my business.
Fortunately, there was a long corridor between the actual nursing facility and the sanitation area. Therefore, we didn’t have to work with them or be around them much at all.
The only time I saw any of the nursing home employees was toward the end of the shift, when I would roll the laundry cart full of clean linens down to the main building to stock the linen closets.
So, for the first year and three months, everything went smoothly, and no one bothered me. I got along with everyone and they all seemed to like me a lot. That is, until I put one snarky CNA in her place for trying to be a smartass.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Standing up to the wrong person
This CNA, whom I’ll call Candi, had it in her mind that those who worked in the laundry department did not deserve respect. Most of the nursing home workers didn’t see us as human beings because we worked in sanitation.
After I schooled her on a few things, I immediately saw her face change. The smirk fell off and was replaced by a tight-lipped pursing of the lips. Her eyes became slits and her eyebrows furrowed. Then, Candi stormed away, and I didn’t see her again for the rest of the day.
Later, a friendly coworker told me that she had cried to her buddies in the nursing home clique. She even told me that she had overheard Candi shout to her buddies, “How dare she talk to me like that! Who does she think she is! Ooooh, the nerve of that bitch! It’s obvious that she doesn’t know her place!”
My coworker, whom I’ll call Lucretia, also informed me that, after that long tirade, Candi left work. She took the rest of the day off as a stress leave because she was so upset.
And we both laughed about it together. Lucretia told me that I did the right thing.
“You stood up to Candi, and now, she’s super pissed. Don’t you love their outrage when you catch their shit and throw it back at them?” she said while laughing.
I knew why. Candi was the type who hated being stood up to by someone she deemed inferior. It was hilarious.
However, I found out that, right or wrong, talking down to Candi was a no-no because she had connections.
A Civil War at Work And A Nursing Home Divided
One by one, many people turned against me over the next several months. However, I was lucky. Several of my real friends knew how Candi was and had no respect for her. They were the people who had my back. Therefore, I had allies who took care of me.
There was a clear division at Shady Grove Living Center. We had the administrator, whom I’ll call Beau. There was also Cammie, the payroll clerk, and Harry, who was Cammie’s husband and head of maintenance.
Also, there was one maintenance guy, whose name was Jules, and two CNAs, Shelly and Cheryl, who were two flying monkeys.
On my side were my supervisor Darnell, all of my coworkers (except for one suck up), a charge nurse, and the rest of the CNAs who had my back.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
False Reports
At first, the bullies made false reports about me to Darnell. I worked part-time in the evenings. So, on the days after my shift, the third shift CNAs would complain that I hadn’t stocked the linen closets and they had no clean bed pads, bed sheets, or gowns for the residents who soiled their beds during the night.
However, I always thought ahead and could easily predict what these people would do. So, I made sure to pull out my cellphone and take pictures of all my finished work at the end of every shift.
Once I finished stocking the linen closets, I took photos of the shelves inside, chock full of freshly clean linens. I then took pictures of all the empty barrels that were marked “dirty laundry.” Next, I would clock out and go home.
Because all my images were time-stamped, there was no question I’d done my job. I took pictures every night, at the end of the shift. Therefore, I had proof to show Darnell every time they lied.
The Bullies’ Disappointment
When that didn’t work, the bullies only turned up the harassment. And word quickly spread that I took pictures of all my finished work.
In a way, it was funny because each of the linen closets was directly across from a nurse’s desk. This was where all the bullies would sit around and gossip.
I remember overhearing them make snide remarks about my camera and my taking pictures. I would only snicker to myself and give a cruel chuckle within earshot of them.
Harry, the head of maintenance, would talk pretty ugly to me. However, I knew I wasn’t the only one. Many times, I’d see him talk terribly to several others- even a few who worked for the nursing home. So, I didn’t feel like the Lone Ranger.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Beating them at Their Own Game.
Because I’d already been a target of bullying in school, I knew what to expect. ‘You see? All bullies pull pretty much the same tactics.
Only adult bullies are much more sophisticated with it. Therefore, I was able to prepare, stay a few steps ahead, and outflank them.
Bullies Committing Time Fraud
Soon, I began to witness a couple of the bullies in the clique commit a few illegal activities. On one occasion, I worked a double shift to cover for a coworker who was sick.
Early one Saturday morning, I saw with my own eyes Harry walk into the back door of the nursing home. He was dressed in camouflage and his bright orange hunting vest.
Harry crept down the hall past the laundry room, then stopped at the time clock and clocked in. He then filled out a bogus work order before leaving.
He didn’t return until late that evening to clock out and leave again. I’ll never forget the look on his mug when he saw me sitting outside on my last break as he drove by in his shiny new pickup.
And when I told Lucretia about it a day or two later, it did not surprise her.
“Girl! He’s been doing that since I’ve been here! And I’ll tell you something else. Brenda told me that Cammie’s been embezzling from this facility. And she’s been ripping off some of the residents who don’t have families. She’s been weaseling them into signing papers to leave their assets to her when they leave this world!”
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Illegal Activities
Everyone knew about it, but it seemed they were afraid to report it. It was also evident that Harry and Cammie were getting fat off the embezzlement, and not only those two, but the administrator, Beau, too.
We secretly referred to these three ringleaders of the bully group as “The Thieving Three.” Fran, Marilyn, Misti, and Jules were their lieutenants. At the bottom of this little workplace cabal were the flying monkeys.
There were so many policy violations and illegal activities happening right under our noses. Here are a few of them.
1. Beau would park his Winnebago on the property for Harry and Jules to do repairs on during work hours. Again, they would do all this out in the open.
Beau knew that most of the other employees were too scared to talk about it. So, why put in the extra effort to try and cover it up?
He would have the maintenance men work on his camper. And he would do this while neglecting any repairs the nursing facility needed. The maintenance guys would also work on his car.
You can imagine how much Beau was saving on auto repairs.
2. Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Fighting and Assault on Company Property.
Beau was having an affair with another employee. When her husband found out, he came to the nursing home to confront Beau.
And Beau invited him out to the parking lot to fight. The two men got into a brutal fistfight in the parking lot, in broad daylight, in front of God and everyone. And it happened while Beau was on the clock! Keep in mind that Beau was the administrator of the nursing home.
After the fight was over, Beau sent a harsh warning to all employees. If they uttered one word about the incident at work or outside of work, they would live to regret it. Because he would not only fire them, he would make sure they didn’t work anywhere else.
3. Embezzlement.
Beau, Harry, and Cammie were robbing Shady Grove blind! Beau made off with several hundred thousand dollars, as did Harry and Cammie. And they were moving up in the world quickly.
They were suddenly buying new vehicles and vacation homes on the lake. They began taking lavish vacations whenever they wanted.
Cammie was the payroll clerk and bookkeeper of the facility. She would take the money and doctor the books to make everything look legit.
Her husband, Harry, would clock in, fill out bogus work orders, and leave for the day. Then, he would come back that night and clock back out before going home.
They would also take as many days off as they wanted. And, it went beyond the allotted annual vacation time.
Cammie would also make herself the Power of Attorney over widowed and childless residents with no families. And she would do this by talking them into signing legal documents, agreeing to leave any assets to her and her husband once they passed away.
Cammie helped her teenage daughter get hired at the nursing home. The daughter was the person who passed the snacks, juice cups, and pitchers of ice and water around.
She fixed the wages so that her daughter would make twenty dollars per hour instead of the recommended eight.
4. Confronting bullying in the workplace:
Nepotism.
Harry and Cammie made sure that their children and family got first dibs at any available jobs there. When the nursing home hired these family members, they would receive massive hourly wages, anywhere from double to five times the going rates for the job.
It didn’t take long for the whisper to spread. However, we had to be careful who we talked around. There were eyes and ears everywhere.
Beau, Harry, and Cammie ran the place. Right or wrong, anyone who challenged them in any way, was bullied and mobbed out! And so was anyone who slighted or stood up to any of their favorite people.
Cammie was best friends with Candi. Therefore, she increased her attacks. More and more, she’d provoke me, but I wouldn’t bite.
She and the cabal instituted several smear campaigns against me and a few others, but we only doubled down in our resolve not to let them shake us.
Verbal Attacks and threats
It got rough at times. On a few occasions, the payroll clerk and a few CNAs threatened to catch me out and do physical harm. But it never happened, and back then, I went out all the time. I was lucky.
Although the provocations were stressful, I was able to put my hand up to her, tell her what I thought of her, then walk away.
Darnell was excellent! He was a quiet guy, yet firm when he had to be. Darnell was like me. He kept his mouth closed and observed everything that went on around him.
The man was much more intelligent than people thought he was. He knew what was happening, and he took care of us!
I could never have been more grateful to have such an awesome supervisor. However, this only made the bullies more desperate.
I remember a night when one of the flying monkeys, Shelly, a CNA, approached me in the hall from behind. She began screaming, cursing, and threatening to jump me over a ridiculous rumor.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
The Bully who Snapped
She threatened to attack me there on the spot, physically. And bystanders were everywhere.
When I turned around, faced her, and called her out for being unprofessional, Shelly only became angrier.
One of the bystanders was Deb, the charge nurse, and Shelly’s supervisor and buddy. She restrained Shelly, and I turned and walked away.
But I knew that Deb would sweep Shelly’s behavior under the rug and paint me as the instigator. Sure enough, she did. The level of gaslighting was off the charts. These people had a way of turning everything around to fit their narrative and getting others to agree with it.
A Supportive Boss
They reported the incident to Darnell and suggested that he terminate me immediately. When he talked to me about it, I calmly explained that Shelly had approached me from behind in a very threatening manner.
I told him that I feared for my physical safety. I also told him that I didn’t know what she would do if I hadn’t confronted her.
And by this time, I’d worked under Darnell long enough that he knew the kind of person I was and that I was only taking care of myself.
Once again, Darnell went to bat for me. Also, I had made an awesome friend out of Jane, who was another charge nurse at the nursing home. She, too, went to bat for me, as did several of my coworkers.
Each time nothing happened to me, the bullies only became angrier and more unhinged. Soon, they were all out for blood!
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
A Stalker
It was then that I started noticing Jules hovering around in the hall just outside the door to the laundry room. Later, I’d see him milling around nearby anytime I’d stop in the hallway to greet and talk to friends.
And I’ve got to tell you! He gave me such a creepy vibe! Next, I began seeing him standing across the street from my apartment, smoking a cigarette. Now that freaked me out!
I found out that he and the neighbor across the street had begun dating and that he was there to see her. She didn’t allow smoking in her house, so he had no choice but to smoke outside.
Still, I didn’t feel any better. I felt as if he was watching me.
There were other reasons he was hanging around so close. Jules was an eavesdropper for Cammie and her group.
He would listen in on our conversations in the laundry room. Also, he would eavesdrop on my discussions with friends in the hallway. Everybody knew it because he’d eavesdropped on many others.
My instinct also told me they’d enlisted him to watch my house. He was watching to see who came in and out of my home. The man was looking for any information with which to report back to Cammie.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
A Convenient Cover
Jules’ girlfriend was a cover for him, and they knew it. Although I knew what was going on, I didn’t speak of it. I knew I couldn’t without sounding nuts.
I did the best thing by keeping it to myself. The only people I told were my closest family, and they knew I wasn’t kidding. They, too, had seen the man standing outside my apartment.
Luckily, his girlfriend was a good friend of mine. I knew she only kept him around because she was lonely. So, I used it to my advantage.
I cozied up to her a little bit more so she would volunteer to tell me little tidbits about what he was doing. Sure enough, she confirmed my suspicions.
Days later, Darnell, having become a target of bullying himself, announced that he was resigning in a couple of weeks. He was moving on to a better job and a better work environment.
We were happy that he’d found something better and was getting out of that hellhole. However, we were also deeply saddened because we’d miss him so much.
We saw Darnell as our fearless leader and our hero!
Changes in Leadership
What kind of leader would the new supervisor be? And would they protect us from those devils down the hall as Darnell had?
Choosing not to leave anything to chance, I decided that I’d put in my notice as well. Thinking ahead, I knew that once Darnell was gone, I’d be at the mercy of every bully at work.
Moreover, I had a sickening feeling that the next supervisor would kiss up to the bullies in the upper echelons of management.
Cammie had long waited, with bated breath, for the day when Darnell would quit. Then, she could begin working on the new supervisor and turn them against us.
Sure enough, Lucretia only confirmed my predictions. She had overheard Cammie saying that she’d recommend that the new supervisor terminate three of us.
Knowing I was one of the three, I quickly filled out my two-week notice and gave it to Darnell.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Exit Plan
Darnell introduced us to the new supervisor. She was a short, dumpy woman in her forties. Her facial expression was hard and cold. And she looked at us with cold indifference.
That’s when I knew that putting in my notice was the smartest thing I had ever done.
Off and on during the last two weeks, I’d catch the new supervisor glancing at me. And I would notice those tiny micro flashes of suspicion and contempt.
Lucretia noticed it too. Once the new boss left for a meeting, she told me that she had overheard Cammie talking to the new boss. She told her that I sucked up to Darnell and was one of his favorite employees. She also “informed” the new boss that I had a way with male supervisors (wink-wink).
When word of my impending exit reached the bullies’ ears, they were enraged. And once I was out of there, I breathed a sigh of relief.
I was proud that I’d walked away from there with my self-esteem still intact. And when I left that toxic place, I did it on my terms.
And I haven’t told you the best part.
Six months after quitting
Six months after Darnell and I walked away from that cesspool, the shit finally hit the fan there.
I was outside walking my dog when a neighbor, who still worked at the nursing home, stopped me to relay some exciting news.
Beau, Harry, and Cammie, “The Thieving Three,” had all been fired from the facility only an hour or two earlier. The news had traveled that fast!
She told me that the owners of the facility had suddenly shown up. And they had all three of them escorted off the property.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
The Great Comeuppance
An Acting Administrator took Beau’s place. A temporary Bookkeeper/Payroll Clerk and Head of Maintenance took the positions of Cammie and Harry.
Over the next few weeks, several others were fired as well. The DON (Director of Nursing) was let go after stealing narcotics to feed her addiction to pain pills. So were a few other nurses.
The owners also terminated the dietary manager and several CNAs- who had all been loyal flying monkeys to The Thieving Three.
So many got the ax within a short amount of time. The owners cleaned that place out. After it was all said and done, I could count on one hand the people whose jobs were spared.
A Hot Topic
It was the buzz around town for well over a month. After the owners terminated them, Harry and Cammie were so scared and humiliated. They threw everything into three U-hauls and skipped town.
Surprisingly, Shady Grove never pressed charges. Others informed me that it was because the facility was afraid that pressing charges might tarnish its reputation.
Confronting Bullying in the Workplace:
Update
Harry and Cammie moved somewhere around Middle, TN, near the Tennessee River. Cammie ended up working for the County Medical Center there. She got a job in the same position she had at Shady Grove.
Later, she committed the same crimes there; only the Medical Center didn’t let it slide as Shady Grove had. They pressed charges, and Cammie was found guilty.
The judge sentenced her to three years in state prison, but she only served two.
I’ll never forget the tyrannical reign of The Thieving Three over the employees of Shady Grove. And I will never forget their downfall.
This is why I firmly believe that most bullies usually get their just desserts in the end, just as these bullies did.
Confronting bullying at work isn’t easy. But sometimes, you must let your bullies do what they do until they get too cocky, too careless, and end up falling on their own swords. Also you must gather your own evidence to protect yourself.
All names are fictional.
This post was all about confronting bullying in the workplace to encourage you and assure you that you can emerge from the other side of it AS a winner!
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Confronting Bullying: 4 Things Bullies Do When You Speak Out
2. How to Prove Workplace Bullying: 3 Types of Proof You Need
3. What Not to Share at Work When You Suffer Workplace Bullying
4. Gaslighting at Work: 5 Surefire Indicators to Watch Out For