If you’re a victim of bullying, do you want to know why you should stop wallowing in self pity? Here are all the reasons you need to know.
Too many victims of bullying resort to wallowing in self pity when people bully them. It’s okay to feel hurt and it’s okay to cry. However, when you constantly feel sorry for yourself, you only make life worse for yourself.
Therefore in this post, you will learn why wallowing in self pity is counterproductive and that there are better ways to solve your problems.
Once you learn these important truth, you will seek better ways to overcome bullying.
This post is all about wallowing in self pity and why it’s not good for you so that you can begin handling bullying more constructively.
Wallowing in self pity
It’s okay to cry when someone hurts you. It’s okay to be hurt, angry, and sad. In fact, you need to allow yourself to feel.
Therefore, allow yourself to feel bad. Permit yourself to cry it out. Just don’t unpack your things and live in that dark place.
Never let the cruel words and actions of a bully alter your outlook on the world around you. And don’t allow them to cause you to distrust humanity or yourself!
Know that your bullies’ behavior does not reflect on you! It reflects on the bullies themselves and their issues. I realize that this isn’t always easy.
However, it all comes down to you. You are responsible for your successes and your happiness. Happiness is a choice. It’s not something that magically happens to only certain people.
1. Your bullies are cowards and they’re fighting their own demons.
They’re only fighting the wrong way. And their mistreatment of you is only proof of it.
In most cases, the reason why bullies point out your shortcomings is to distract people’s attention from their own. They’re so afraid that somebody will find out what their weaknesses are.
Bullies are notorious for projecting their flaws onto you to keep other people from seeing theirs. It’s pathetic when you think about it.
And trust me, we all have imperfections. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Distraction and projection are how bullies operate.
They would be the top two tactics in the “How To Bully” handbook if there ever were such a guide. Understand that bullies bully out of only, fear and insecurity!
Therefore, never let your tormentors decide how you should feel about yourself. And never allow them to cause you to feel sorry for yourself.
2. Wallowing in Self-Pity:
Self-Pity is not attractive.
In fact, it’s socially repelling! I’m telling you this because there were times when I made the same mistake. And the only thing it did was bring more misery and drive people away.
So, I tried something different. I began countering everything with comebacks, affirmations, and positive thoughts.
When you begin to counter your bullies’ statements, their words won’t have such an effect on your self-esteem. In other words, your new, positive self-talk will become a buffer to the bullies’ insults and name-calling. Therefore, you won’t be nearly as hurt or saddened by it.
No matter what anyone says about you, you must look in the mirror every single day and convince yourself that you’re an awesome person. That you are the best, and sometimes, people treat the best the worst.
Moreover, you may need to have this self-talk every minute of every day. Why? Because you must do it often enough for it to sink in.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, try positive self-talk. Begin praising yourself for all your good qualities. And know in your heart the good you bring to this world and the blessing you are to the people who love you.
Why? Because the more you love yourself and the less self-pity you live in, the easier it will be to find solutions. You’re worth it! Don’t you think?
3. Life Isn’t fair.
It’s the truth. It never has been and never will be. God deals each of us a hand of cards. Some people get a crappy hand and some, a lucky hand.
However, the trick is to play the hand you’re dealt and to play it wisely. Some people are born poor, some middle-class, and others are born rich.
Some are born with disabilities and others aren’t. One person may have access to certain things and another person may not. It’s the luck of the draw.
Nevertheless, you have the choice of whether to move up, stay where you are, or descend. In other words, if you don’t like where you are, you have the ability to move upward.
It may take a while. It may require years of hard work. But if you want it bad enough, you will do what you must do to achieve it. Complaining only keeps you stuck!
Therefore, empower yourself by ditching the word, “fair.”
4. Wallowing in self Pity:
No one owes you anything. You owe it to yourself.
Whether you’ve been mistreated and cheated, no one owes you anything. However, you do owe it to yourself. You have every right to pursue and achieve happiness. And you can make a good life for yourself.
Only you are responsible for your life
Understand that nobody can achieve anything for you. Therefore, it’s your responsibility to get where you want to go.
Each of us has our own lives to improve and each person is responsible for their own destiny.
5. No one else will improve your life for you.
Governments really don’t care about you. Though they may try to legislate blessings, luck, and chance, they only do it out of their own self-interest.
Moreover, they cannot legislate fairness. You only have yourself to depend on and you should never depend on the government, your school, your parents, anyone else to improve your life.
You must do it all on your own by taking risks and doing the work required to reach your goals. On the other hand, whining and complaining gets you nowhere. Also, anger and bitterness only make things worse for you.
Today, I hear more and more whining, “it’s not fair.” I see people act out and throw tantrums, as if its going to get them somewhere.
Understand that this is victim-mentality. And those kinds of thought processes only serve to keep you down and out.
People need to grow up and accept that the world isn’t all unicorns, rainbows, fairies, and pixie dust. In short, life isn’t fair.
Sadly, I see many victims of bullying do this. Though I hate to admit it, I did the same once upon a time.
The only way you can take back your happiness is to banish the word, “fair” from your vocabulary. Then, work toward your goals. Stop depending on other people and entities to get you what you want.
And once you do, I guarantee that you’ll instantly empower yourself and be much happier.
6. Wallowing in Self Pity:
Complaining won’t help you any.
Moreover, when you whine and complain, you only focus on the problem and not a possible solution. This is why others don’t like, nor do they respect a complainer. If you need to get something off your chest, that’s okay. However, there’s a time and place for it.
Throughout my life, I’ve known such chronic complainers, that complaining seemed to be the default mode for them. They even whined after they found a solution to their problem.
“But it didn’t happen fast enough!” they might have said. To that, I wanted to say, “Hey, buddy! Nothing good comes quickly nor easily! Life’s tough! Get used to it!”
Moreover, I’ve even known whiners who really didn’t want a solution to their problems. They just wanted to gripe, thinking it would get rid of all that pinned-up energy and make them feel better. Sadly, I was guilty of these things when I was young.
whining and complaining always comes from powerlessness!
Understand that complaining comes from weakness. It stems from feelings of powerlessness and a victim-mentality.
Moreover, you only unleash all your anger and frustration. Not that it’s necessarily a bad thing every once in a while. Even the most resilient must vent every now and then.
Everyone has times when they must blow off a little steam. However, when you do it constantly, it becomes a problem.
The people around you will only get sick of listening to it. After a while they will lose respect for you.
Also, complaining invites bullying to come your way. Why? Because bullies will use it as a weapon against you. Therefore, all that complaining becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you are a victim of bullying, I want you to realize that whining about it, rather than taking action against it, will make you an even bigger target!
Wallowing in Self Pity:
chronic complaining also stems from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.
Hey! I understand how you feel. You have every right to be angry. Being bullied sucks and it hurts. I get that.
However, as I said earlier, complaining comes from powerlessness and weakness. Moreover, it comes from laziness and lack of personal responsibility.
Complaining alone does nothing to solve the problem. You must take action.
On the other hand, if you’re an empath and you hear someone else constantly complaining, it may be tempting to lend the person your ear. This is a bad idea because you’re not helping the person.
You may be enabling them to complain more. Also, you might be setting yourself up to be their go-to person anytime they need to unload.
As a result, the person won’t feel better. They’ll only drain your energy.
7. You only alienate people who might otherwise help you.
In other words, others won’t want to be around you. Moreover, you’ll kill any support you might otherwise have if you took action instead of having a pity party.
Only victims complain, targets take action. You’ll score more points by doing something about the bullying than you will by whining and complaining about it.
When you’re a target of bullying and not a victim, you understand that life doesn’t have to be fair. Moreover, you take action by standing up for yourself and reporting it.
And, in doing that, you empower yourself and continue to stand strong. Therefore, if you have a problem, find solutions.
Instead of consistently whining and complaining, begin taking action. Empower yourself. Be your own hero!
This post was all about wallowing in self pity and why you should take action and find solutions instead.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. Target vs Victim: 5 Reasons Your Choice of Words Matters
2. How to Overcome Victim Mentality: 5 Proven Mind Hacks
3. Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: 9 Ways it Plagues Victims of Bullying