‘Want to know why your bullies set the explaining trap for you and how you should respond to it? Here are several reasons they use this tactic and what you can do to blow them off and save your energy.
When having a conversation with bullies and abusers, they will often try to trick you into falling into the explaining trap. It’s a trap because, no matter how you much you explain things to the bullies, they will only pretend not to understand. Moreover, they’ll never accept anything you have to say.
Therefore, in this post, you will learn all about the explaining trap, why bullies use it, and what you can do to shut them down.
Once you learn all about this important information, you will be able to confidently stonewall them. And the best part is that you’ll save your time and energy for better things.
This post is all about the explaining trap and what you can do to protect yourself from bullies and abusers who use it.
The Explaining Trap
Most things don’t need an explanation. Yet, bullies are good at getting their victims to explain themselves on things that don’t need to be explained.
Worst of all, victims of bullying don’t know how not to get sucked into needlessly explaining themselves. Therefore, they end up wasting their breath on people who aren’t worthy of their time or consideration.
As a result, they end up making themselves even bigger targets and get stuck in endless cycles of having to explain their every move.
This can become exhausting and, not to mention, dis-empowering! Therefore, you must realize that this is just another bullying tactic.
Why do Bullies use this evil technique?
1. To throw you off-balance
Again, bullies love to trick you into explaining yourself. However, no matter how much you explain, the bullies will only act as if they don’t understand your explanation. Or, they simply won’t accept it, no matter how logical it may be.
Moreover, your bullies will keep challenging and criticizing your explanations just to get you to give even more of them. Understand that they do this on purpose.
You must see this tactic for what it is and what it’s meant to do. It’s all designed to keep you running in an endless hamster wheel of explanations and justifications.
Therefore, the important thing to bear in mind is that this is a trap! Bullies really don’t need an explanation from you. In fact, they don’t even want one.
They only pretend to want it. What your bullies really want is to throw you off-balance. In other words, they want to bamboozle you and keep you engaging with them.
2. The Explaining Trap
To gather ammunition with which to fire back at you later
‘You see? The longer your bullies can keep you interacting with them, the more chances they have to reshape the things you say. They can then use them as proverbial bullets to fire back at you sooner or later.
Moreover, they may use this psychological weaponry either the next day, or even years later.
You must realize that your bullies will retain very clear memories of what you say. And they’ll store it all up in the back of their minds, just in case it becomes useful ammo in their arsenal.
For example, you set a boundary by refusing to speak to your bullies and they ask you, “Why won’t you talk to us?”
You respond by pointing out all the abuse they’ve dealt you. Then, your bullies come back with, “And when did we do that?” Therefore, they entice you to explain when that was.
3. To trip you up
Oftentimes, when bullies dupe you into explaining anything to them, you’re likely to be emotional. Moreover, any time you become emotional, your logical brain shuts down and you aren’t able to think straight.
Therefore, chances are that you won’t be able to keep your story straight, no matter how truthful it is. But, understand that this is what your bullies are hoping for.
So, What do you do?
In other words, how do you respond to this tactic intelligently and with strength?
There are several smart ways to respond to the explaining trap.
1. “You know what you did.”
For instance, if your bullies ask you, “What did we ever do to you?” you don’t have to offer any explanations. All you have to do is tell them shortly and firmly, “You know what you did.” Then, keep it moving.
You want to walk away before the bullies have time to fire off another curve-ball. Therefore, say what you have to say, in as few words as possible, then turn your back and start walking.
Realize that you owe them nothing, and I mean nothing, more than that! In fact, you don’t have to explain any damn thing to anyone.
2. “You know when it happened.”
You confront your bullies over something bad they did to you. Then, they ask you, “Really? When did we do so-and-so to you?”
All you have to say is, “You know when it happened,” or “You know when you did it.” Then, simply walk away without looking back.
The trick is to make your response as curt and short as possible. In other words, use as few words as you possibly can. And take a rude tone of voice when you say it.
Because, again, you don’t owe them shit!
3. the explaining trap:
“Stop Pretending you don’t know what you did.”
This response is especially good! Why? Because, not only are you not explaining anything to them, you’re also calling out what your bullies are trying to do. And they’re trying to play you – to pretend they don’t know what they did to piss you off.
Therefore, you keep the upper hand with this comeback. Even better, you keep your self-respect and dignity.
4. “Just Stop it!”
This is another smart response. It’s short, it’s to the point, and it’s only three little words! Moreover, you’re setting a boundary any time you say “Stop.”
Also, you can say this if your bullies continue to ask more questions. With this response, you immediately cut off any further manipulation. In fact, you stop it dead in it’s tracks!
And, once you say it, put up your hand and walk away.
5. “What Are You? Five?”
This is a great comeback! Not only are you not allowing those creeps to manipulate you, you’re also adding a touch of shame and humiliation to it.
Moreover, if you’re in public, all the better! With this response, you’re not only calling the bullies out, you’re making them look like fools!
Therefore, you win!
6. The Explaining Trap:
“Do I Have to spell it out for you?”
This comeback is good because, again, it shames the bullies and makes them look like clueless dingbats. Moreover, it takes their curve-ball question and turns it into a foolish one.
Therefore, you must realize that when bullies pretend not to understand, this is a golden opportunity for you. It’s the perfect opening for you to turn it around on them and make them look stewwwwpid!
However, most victims, sadly, miss that opportunity because of fear and high emotions. But, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault. This happens to the best of us.
Moreover there isn’t a lot of information out there on how to respond to these types of tricks.
7.”Just get out of here.”
This is a good comeback because it tells the bullies that you won’t allow them to manipulate you. Moreover, it also lets them know that you don’t want them around. And, if witnesses are around to see it, it only makes it that much better!
Another great thing about this response is that you can modify it to suit your particular style of communication. You can substitute it with, “Get lost,” “Hit the road,” “Get bent,” and much more.
8. You can even choose not to respond verbally.
In other words, you can only use body language to get your point across. All you have to do is eyeball your bullies while standing straight and tall with your neck lengthened.
Show your bullies through your eyes and body language that you won’t put up with their crap. Then, walk away.
If you do this, I guarantee you that they’ll get your point loud and clear!
9. The Explaining Trap:
Sometimes, You can just not respond at all.
You can just keep walking and pay them no mind. However, be advised. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does and sometimes not. It depends on the personality types you’re dealing with.
For instance, if you’re dealing with a person with narcissistic personality disorder, this definitely won’t work. So, use good judgement.
This post was all about the explaining trap and how you can respond so that you can recognize it when you bullies use it on you and deal with it intelligently.
Related posts you’ll enjoy:
1. You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t
2. Phrases to Shut Down a Gaslighter: 9 Powerful Statements to Use
3. What is a Crybully and How Do You Spot One?
4. How to Disarm a Bully: 13 Clever Comebacks that Work Wonders
5. Secrets Bullies Hope You Never Find Out: 11 Must-Know Facts about Bullies