Tag: lying

6 Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets (Part 2)

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(…Continued from Part 1)

You already know the first three ways bullies use gaslighting. Here are more of their evil tactics and what you can do to keep your self-esteem intact.

4. Isolating the Target (Divide and Conquer)
Bullies often force their targets into isolation through social aggression (spreading rumors and lies about the person or intimidating his/her associates).

In doing this, bullies strategically turn the target’s friends and associates against them to cut him/her off from any support or protection they might otherwise receive. Once the subject is isolated, the bullies then move in for the kill and take the bullying to new heights.

If the target expresses the desire to change schools or workplaces, the bullies may try to discourage him/her by convincing them that they won’t be treated any better in the new environment or attempting to block the targets’ transfer and cut off any means of escape.

5. Bullies Make Themselves Out to be Superior and Cunningly Convince the Target that he/she needs them to get along.
Bullies slyly force their target to believe he/she somehow needs their approval. If the bullies can make the target dependent on them, their power and control only increase.

Bullies do this by convincing to target that they (the bullies) are the only ones who can better his/her (the target’s) situation- that only through them (the bullies) will the person be able to make friends and enjoy positive relationships! And only with their (the bullies’) permission will the target find happiness and fulfillment.

Also, bullies make the target believe that they must submit to their every whim and wish, no matter how demeaning, before they grant him/her relief from the attacks. But understand that bullies will never leave you alone! It’s is only another tactic to assert domination!

6. Empty Promises

“If you do this, I’ll go away quietly and leave you alone.”
“If you do that, I’ll be your friend.”
“If you’d only do XYZ, I’ll make things easier for you.”

Don’t buy any of it! You can never appease a bully. They will never go away or stop the harassment. They only make empty promises to keep you under their control. Understand that bullies have an insatiable appetite for power, control, and destruction.

They are like bottomless pits, and no matter what you do to please them, they’ll only continue or increase the torment. You must realize that no amount of bullying is ever enough for a bully. Bullies are power and drama addicts, and harassment of their targets is like a drug to them. They can never get enough! Bullies always come back for more! In short, they become drunk on their own power.

The only way to stop a bully is to either use reverse psychology, put the fear of God into him/her by calling them out publicly, or go no contact if you can. If you can’t, then use the first two suggestions. It may or may not work, but keep it up. Because if you just clam up and say nothing, you’ll feel terrible about yourself later.

There are two things bullies fear most. Losing face and losing power, which would only come from having their evil exposed and and with the target ceasing to care what they say and think altogether. NOTE: When you stop caring (which can only happen after you see the bullies for the pathetic souls they really are), it’ll be so much easier to come back with a witty, one-line counter-dig and keep walking.

Another important note: DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Write it all down in detail to keep records of this kind of stuff! You may need it!!!!!!

Jot down what happened (in detail), including date and time it happened, where it happened, who the bullies are, names of any bystanders, teachers, supervisors, etc., and if possible, why it happened (was it retaliation?)! EVERYTHING!

Find ways to expose bullies and reclaim your power.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

6 Ways Bullies Gaslight Their Targets

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blame accuse pointing finger

Gaslight- to manipulate someone by psychological means into doubting their sanity.

Remember that bullying is all about domination and control. Once the bully selects a target and begins their reign of terror over the chosen victim, they will do everything possible to maintain that dominance. Also, understand that bullies get a huge psychological payoff at the victim’s expense. Abusing their targets gives bullies a rush of power and a sense of authority and control.

If there is a culture of bullying at a school, workplace, or community, bullies are also rewarded with attention, high social status and promotions from others while the target suffers the opposite. And a bully will fight like crazy to keep those benefits should the target speak out and shed light on the behavior.

Once the target sees the behavior for what it is and begins to assert their right to be treated fairly, bullies will become angry and afraid. They will see the target as a threat to their power and increase the harassment to subdue, silence and punish the person.

Seasoned bullies maintain power by emotionally abusing, brainwashing, and psychological abuse to disempower the target and make themselves seem bigger and better than what they are. They use these methods because psycho/emotional bullying leaves no physical evidence and is much easier to deny.

They do this by convincing their target (and everyone else) that he/she is defective or no good, thereby stripping the target’s confidence and self-esteem.

Here are ways bullies gaslight their targets:

1. Persistent lying
Bullies tell vague lies and trying to convince you that you are mentally unstable, less than, deserving of the mistreatment, or that you’re somehow defective. Bullies will make statements to others such as,

toxic brainwashing

“He’s a waste of space, and he needs to realize it already!”

“She’s such an embarrassment! How does she even show her face in public every day?”

“Who gives a #$% about his feelings! He doesn’t matter!”

“She brought it all on herself!”

Bullies will also tell their targets things like:

“What are you smiling about? Nobody likes you! Remember?”

“I’m not bullying you! You’re just over-reacting!”

Displeased woman looking at her growing nose and trying to stop it with her finger isolated on white background

“You’re just being (paranoid, overly sensitive, a crybaby, etc.)! You need help!”

“Nobody’s mistreating you! You’re just playing the victim to look innocent to everyone else!

“You think you’re (smart, pretty, cute, tough, cool, etc.), don’t’ you! You’re nothing!”

“You’re so (arrogant, retarded, crazy, ugly, fat, skinny, etc.) nobody believes a word you say!”

I could go on and on.

Bullies deliberately repeat these lies over and over again and for a long time to convince the target that they are right. Understand that this constant repetition has a purpose! To instill insecurity in the victim, wear them down and force him/her to resign themselves and acquiesce.

It serves to brainwash the target and force him/her to believe the bully’s lies. As a result, the target becomes riddled with confusion, social anxiety and shame. Eventually, the person loses the ability to counter the attacks

You must realize that this is the bully’s strategy to render control and keep the target under their control and from rebelling against the abuse.

2. Wearing the Target Down and forcing him/her to agree with them.
Bullies continue to put the target down and marginalize them until he/she is so tired or afraid of defending against them that the person shuts down, grows numb to the abuse and surrenders to the bullies.

Bullying, friendship and people concept. Girl patronizing screaming pointing finger at shy timid nerdy woman who is looking down

3. Become Highly Aggressive When the Target Calls Out the Abuse
Bullies may try to maintain their power by intensifying and escalating the attacks in addition to blaming and shaming the target. Understand that this is designed to subdue and further subjugate the person by intimidation and to force him/her into silence and submission. It also allows the bully to escape accountability and to have a green light for continued and future attacks.

(More to come in Part 2…)

Here Are Some Negative Ways I Coped with And Survived Bullying

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Bullying throws a target into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, the victim will often find ways of coping. And some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime we’re stuck in a toxic environment, we become desperate and do things we usually wouldn’t do to either escape or for relief. Here are a few things I did wrong.

1. I bullied kids I thought were weaker than I was. Today, I look back on this with great remorse, and I have apologized to those I hurt.  It’s not something I’m proud of. Because I felt so powerless, I bullied others to feel more powerful. But a reason never equals an excuse.

2. I faked like I was sick so that I could stay home from school or go home from school early. Many of my classmates and a few teachers accused me of wanting attention or to skip class. Far from it! I faked an illness because I wanted an excuse to get the hell out of there away from the bullies. Back then, there was no internet, so if I left early, I could get a reprieve from the bullying I was suffering and not have to deal with my classmates nor see their faces.

Again, I just wanted to get out of that snake pit and go home—nothing more, nothing less. And I would do anything- anything to make that happen. Back then, the ends justified the means.

3. I resorted to deception, con games, and trickery. Oh, yes! I was a master manipulator! I made it look like I was pregnant in the seventh grade to trick my classmates into leaving me alone and not physically attacking me. I did this by going to school dressed in bigger clothes I’d found put away in a box at a family member’s house. I didn’t come out and tell them at first, only made the excuse that I’d gained a few pounds. They didn’t believe it, which was precisely what I was counting on.

I made my classmates wonder a while, letting their curiosity build and making them continue asking if I was pregnant until I very sarcastically told them I was and walked away snickering under my breath. Sure enough, just as I’d known they would, they took it literally and ran with it. Once word had gotten around, everyone left me alone. It worked for a while, and the joke was on them.

And I knew that if they found out I wasn’t pregnant, I could turn it back on them and say,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so stupid that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

Needless to say, they were furious because they knew I’d tricked them, and the bullying escalated exponentially.

4. I instigated fights between others. And not only because I was jealous of other’s friendships, but because I knew that if I could stir the shit pot a little, sow a little discord, and keep some of them fighting among themselves, I could take the spotlight off me, fly under their radar and get a short break from the bullying. As long as they were at each other’s throats, they’d leave me alone, and that was the way I wanted it.

These were not my finest moments, but this goes to show that sometimes, targets resort to being sneaky and a bit underhanded to stay out of harm’s way. So, if you know a kid who seems to be a pathological liar, manipulator, and a sneak, you might want to do a little investigative work to figure out why. The young man or lady might be in survival mode. Using trickery and deception may be the only way they feel they can ensure their safety.

Lovingly explain to them that the way they’re handling it is not the right way and suggest better ways. Also, explain the importance of being yourself and being true to your beliefs and convictions. They may or may not listen, but your message won’t go unheard.

Negative Ways I Coped with and Survived Bullying

Leave a comment

Bullying throws a target into survival mode. If a situation is threatening and there’s no escaping it, the victim will often find ways of coping. And some of those coping mechanisms aren’t good ones. Anytime we’re stuck in a toxic environment, we become desperate and do things we usually wouldn’t do to either escape or for relief. Here are a few things I did wrong.

  1. I bullied kids I thought were weaker than I was. Today, I look back on this with great remorse, and I have apologized to those I hurt.  It’s not something I’m proud of. Because I felt so powerless, I bullied others to feel more powerful. But a reason never equals an excuse.
  1. I faked like I was sick so that I could go home from school early. Many of my classmates and a few teachers accused me of wanting attention or to skip class. Far from it! I faked an illness because I wanted an excuse to get the hell out of there and away from the bullies. Back then, there was no internet, so if I left early, I could get a reprieve from the bullying I was suffering and not have to deal with my classmates nor see their faces.

I just wanted to get out of that snake pit and go home—nothing more, nothing less. And I would do anything- anything to make that happen. Back then, the ends justified the means.

  1. I resorted to deception, con games, and trickery. Oh, yes! I was a master manipulator! I made it look like I was pregnant in the seventh grade to trick my classmates into leaving me alone and not physically attacking me. I did this by going to school dressed in bigger clothes I’d found put away in a box at a family member’s house. I didn’t come out and tell them, only made the excuse that I’d gained a few pounds. They didn’t believe it, which was precisely what I was counting on.

I made my classmates wonder a while, letting their curiosity build and making them continue asking if I was pregnant until I very sarcastically told them I was and walked away snickering under my breath. Sure enough, just as I’d known they would, they took it literally and ran with it. Once word had gotten around, everyone left me alone. It worked for a while, and the joke was on them.

And I knew that if they found out I wasn’t pregnant, I could turn it back on them and say,

“Awwww, no! I didn’t lie about that! Are you so stupid that you don’t know sarcasm when you hear it? Boy, you’re a bunch of freaking morons!”

Needless to say, they were furious because they knew I’d tricked them, and the bullying escalated exponentially.

  1. I instigated fights between others. And not only because I was jealous of other’s friendships, but because I knew that if I could stir the shit pot a little, sow a little discord, and keep some of them fighting among themselves, I could take the spotlight off me, fly under their radar and get a short break from the bullying. As long as they were at each other’s throats, they’d leave me alone, and that was the way I wanted it.

These were not my finest moments, but this goes to show that sometimes, targets resort to being sneaky and a bit underhanded to stay out of harm’s way. So, if you know a kid who seems to be a pathological liar, manipulator, and a sneak, you might want to do a little investigative work to figure out why. The young man or lady might be in survival mode. Using trickery and deception may be the only way they feel they can ensure their safety.

Lovingly explain to them that the way they’re handling it is not the right way and suggest better ways. Also, explain the importance of being yourself and being true to your beliefs and convictions. They may or may not listen, but your message won’t go unheard.