“The essence of deception is distraction.” – Robert Greene
The bully uses distraction, often called deflection, when they use the target’s imperfections to distract other people’s attention away from their own shortcomings. It is the reason that so many people in authority, bystanders, and witnesses unjustly label targets as bullies and troublemakers.
Because bullies are highly skilled at deflecting their misdeeds onto others, people will falsely accuse innocent victims of being the instigators of arguments or fights, and perpetrators of bullying behaviors.
Here’s how the bully does it:
He extends acts of kindness and shows honesty in front of everyone – everyone except his victim. He does this to charm and disarm authority and potential bystanders and witnesses. The bully fools them all into believing that he’s such a fine young man and would never mistreat another person. And he ultimately wins everyone else over to his side.
What this elaborate display of (false) kindness and authenticity does is soften everyone outside the bully/victim relationship and turn them into allies. People hungrily eat up any affection the bully extends to them. She (the bully) then sweetens the deal by inviting them out to do lunch or to hang out.
But understand that she only pours on the pleasantries and charm to everyone else to trick them into feeling obligated in the event she must ask them to do some dirty work for her against her target.
If you’re a target of this type of bullying, I want you to know that your bullies don’t do this because they just happen to like everyone else but you, they do it for the sole purpose of gaining favor and loyalty from them! Realize that the bullies only see everyone else as tools and worker bees.
Have you noticed how most bullies suck up to teachers and managers?
The bully will then slyly bait her target by pushing their hot buttons and triggering them into an emotional reaction. And she will make sure that everyone is around to see the target’s breakdown or outburst.
He will also accuse the target of the same behaviors that he’s guilty of or of having the same flaws he has.
But understand that this is all part of the distraction. The bully aims to give others the illusion that you are the bully and he is the target.
Remember that most bullies can be very charming and alluring and they’re good at this game. You must know the tactics in detail, so you can call them out to protect yourself from being abused and blamed, then ultimately labeled.