Many people, especially targets of bullying, will have an overwhelming urge to people-please. Why? There are several reasons:
1. Fear of being harmed
2. Self-preservation
3. The desire for approval and to be liked.
Therefore, targets of bullying want to be likeable because they think it will protect them. Sadly, they think that the only way to likeability is to be agreeable.
However, you can never be agreeable one hundred percent of the time. It’s just not humanly possible. Also, being too agreeable can have the opposite results of what you’re aiming for. Being too agreeable can cause you to lose respect and for others to see you as a pushover! Yikes!
Moreover, there are times when it just isn’t smart to be “likeable.” Sometimes you must, in a sense, kick a little bit of booty.
So, how do you retrain your brain against the urge to people-please?
You start by asking yourself these questions:
1. Do you do it to get approval and be liked?
2. Is your people-pleasing a way to get others to validate you?
3. Do you people-please because you feel you need to prove your worth to people?
4. Do you do it because you want to be accepted or included?
5. Are you attracting users and abusers by this behavior?
6. Are you doing it out of fear?
There’s nothing wrong with being good to people and helping them out. However, you can do it for the wrong reasons. As a result, you can find yourself getting the opposite of what you want out of it.
For instance, you may attract those who only use and abuse you. Understand that bullies and other such unsavory people will sniff you out. And they’ll use you for their own ends.
Therefore, this is why people-pleasing is never good.
No. It won’t be easy to rewire your brain and break this bad habit. Learned behavior is not only difficult to change, but it takes time, sometimes years. However, it can be done.
With knowledge comes power!