Getting Rid of the Urge to People-Please

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Many people, especially targets of bullying, will have an overwhelming urge to people-please. Why? There are several reasons:

1. Fear of being harmed

2. Self-preservation

3. The desire for approval and to be liked.

Therefore, targets of bullying want to be likeable because they think it will protect them. Sadly, they think that the only way to likeability is to be agreeable.

However, you can never be agreeable one hundred percent of the time. It’s just not humanly possible. Also, being too agreeable can have the opposite results of what you’re aiming for. Being too agreeable can cause you to lose respect and for others to see you as a pushover! Yikes!

Moreover, there are times when it just isn’t smart to be “likeable.” Sometimes you must, in a sense, kick a little bit of booty.

So, how do you retrain your brain against the urge to people-please?

You start by asking yourself these questions:

1. Do you do it to get approval and be liked?

2. Is your people-pleasing a way to get others to validate you?

3. Do you people-please because you feel you need to prove your worth to people?

4. Do you do it because you want to be accepted or included?

5. Are you attracting users and abusers by this behavior?

6. Are you doing it out of fear?

There’s nothing wrong with being good to people and helping them out. However, you can do it for the wrong reasons. As a result, you can find yourself getting the opposite of what you want out of it.

For instance, you may attract those who only use and abuse you. Understand that bullies and other such unsavory people will sniff you out. And they’ll use you for their own ends.

Therefore, this is why people-pleasing is never good.

No. It won’t be easy to rewire your brain and break this bad habit. Learned behavior is not only difficult to change, but it takes time, sometimes years. However, it can be done.

With knowledge comes power!

0 thoughts on “Getting Rid of the Urge to People-Please

  1. Celt Peadar says:

    I was a subconscious people-pleaser for years. And now I still have to fight that urge sometimes, because a part of me always thinks: “What will others say or think if I do or if I don’t?”

    • cheriewhite says:

      I completely understand. I had that issue myself. But that’s a learned behavior and it comes from being abused and you do it for Self-preservation. Know that you arenโ€™t at fault, Celt! โค๏ธ

  2. Tamara Kulish from says:

    Seeking approval led me into the worst life experiences I have had. What saved my life and sanity? My mental health improved dramatically when I taught myself to like and then to love myself. I felt comfortable setting boundaries for myself, which did result on the toxic people leaving my life, but honestly, that was a plus! I realized that no matter how much I turned myself inside out seeking approval, I wasn’t going to receive it, because it had become a powerful game for the other person. I feel so much more at peace in my life than I ever did before. Best thing I ever did for myself!

    • cheriewhite says:

      You don’t know how proud I am of you, Tamara! I used to do the same thing and all it got me was walked on. When I finally began loving myself, I made a LOT of people very angry and lost scores of so-called friends. However, my life took a turn for the better and I don’t need those people in my life. I’ve become very selective of the people I allow in my life.

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