So many targets today can easily relate to my story. With that said, I want to tell you that if you are or have been a target of school bullies, you are not alone and, with a little inner work, you will eventually overcome your tormentors just like I did.
I was one of those targets who rebelled against the bullies and fought back. To keep my self-esteem from completely tanking, I dressed my absolute best, but still it was not good enough for me. I wanted to dress like a million bucks for school. Clothes from Walmart weren’t good enough. I had to go to the mall, Cato, Tempo, Maurice’s, or Hollywood’s before I was satisfied. I wasn’t happy unless I was dressed to the nines at school.
I felt I had to be well dressed because I was still quite a bit insecure inside. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything unless I was dressed to impress. One of the thoughts which consumed me all during high school was how to dress like a fashionista.
It had a lot to do with how poorly I was being treated and I continued to believe that the better I dressed, the better I would be treated although, the exact opposite would occur. It seemed that my attire was arousing even further hatred and contempt.
Nevertheless, I absolutely had to be dressed in the hottest fashions or I just didn’t feel adequate. The more they put me down, the more I would dress up. I felt that my attire provided me with not only a sense of style but also control.
Some mornings, I’d dress up, look at myself in the mirror and think,
“So they think I am trash? They must be blind. Does this look like trash? I think not! I know I’m hot and they are not going to convince me otherwise!”
Does this sound arrogant? Conceited? Maybe. Does this sound downright narcissistic? Perhaps. Was it the right attitude to have? Both yes and no. My defense was to act conceited, like I didn’t need any of them.
This holier-than-thou attitude, however unattractive it might have been, helped me preserve what little self-esteem and dignity I had. It helped me to keep going when things were at their worst. It helped me to keep from being totally brainwashed and reprogrammed by my evil classmates, unlike a good majority of other bullied targets, who, sadly, weren’t that fortunate!
I walked around with my nose in the air and refused to speak to any of them. I had a sassy and smart alicky attitude. I was extremely sarcastic and had a snotty disposition. I even laughed at and bullied others to grab back some power. My attitude stunk – period.
Sure. This attitude could’ve easily gotten me hurt or worse had my bullies known for certain about it. A lot of those girls carried knives, especially those who were from families of criminals and ex-cons, families who were dirt poor or just plain loco. Sadly, that was over half of the student body.
I have no doubt that they would not have thought twice about whipping a blade out and slicing my face with it if they could have gotten me in the right place and I would have had to wear it for life.
However, this arrogance I often displayed was the only way I knew to stay strong and to maintain a little bit of power. I was only a teenager and had not yet fully developed the concrete thinking skills nor the processing ability to handle my situation more objectively. Back then, I was a slave to my emotions and I let them guide me in how I handled people and situations.
Also, I was under a tremendous amount of stress and had been for the last three years. And when anyone, even the most logical and rational person is under a large amount of stress that lasts over a long period of time; memory, emotional regulation, and ability to maintain positive relationships are negatively affected. Therefore, neurologically, I had two strikes against me- a double-whammy.
From the sixth grade, up until I left Oakley, I was constantly in survival mode due to being bullied and had to be in order to protect my personal well-being. To even make it to graduation, I had to be hyper-vigilant to be safe. You must understand that when you are a target of vicious bullies, it is as if you constantly have a target on your back. You are a marked person and you learn very quickly to grow eyes in the back of your head.
And it’s no way to live. Please feel free to comment on your experiences and what you did to cope.
0 thoughts on “How I Compensated for Being a Target of Bullying”
Sadly, I think school failed to integrate kids with a ”bad” family background. You know, these kids do not ”integrate” by themselves; they will eventually form gangs and menace the other children. This is why my kid is learning at a school from a better neighbourhood, where the families are somewhat welthier. This thing is barely legal here (normally, the state school must be in your neighbourhood), but I did it.
I don’t know. But they sure failed at curtailing bullying, that’s for sure! 💯💯💯
I am a grandma and 47 years old.. and was a target of this ever since the pandemic hit , I even lost my job over it..
All my friends and kids thought I was going crazy .. when I was just trying to survive.. I’m a grown woman who others thought they could manipulate virtually and physically and they did this for 2 years.. I didn’t want to go anywhere or was scared to be hurt..
they cared but no one would help.. now trying to find myself and feel lost..
I was living to please others and not myself .. idk what I like or even had any opportunities like others during pandemic due to no internet..
I don’t no where to start.. I grew up strong for my kids I had at 20 years old now there gone.. it is me time and I want to travel and see all I have never been able to do .. where do I start?? Anyone please help
Amy, I’m so sorry you’re being manipulated a day abused. I know what that’s like and it’s a feeling of being held hostage. You start by learning all you can about bullying and abuse- learn about the mindsets behind bullying and abuse, motivations, and intentions behind them, the tactics bullies and abusers use, why they use them and the goals they want to accomplish by using them. Always get the knowledge of abuse from all angles so that you can predict what they’ll do next. Then formulate a plan of escape. I wish I could tell you more but I don’t know the details of your situation. I do pray for you and I send you hugs! 💖🌺🤗
Cherie, your post is wonderful! Although I wasn’t bullied as a child (thank God!) I did have my fair share of pain.. it so resonated the way you explained about your snotty attitude being a shield of sorts. That’s really something which is applicable to any person going through a painful time. For if we let our guard down then the pain is too much to bear.
I’m glad that you had your sense of self preservation and did what you felt could save (a bit) of your dignity!
Awesome read 😊
Thank you so much, Simone! You don’t know how much this means! 💖🌺🌹I think that, as humans, we all do what we can to survive and it’s very important to point out. Sometimes we handle things not so well. The good thing is that as we grow and mature, we find better ways of handling our pain. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts on this. I appreciate it so much! 😊
Of course, Cherie! Your posts are read with my morning coffee 😉
Certainly, when we grow older our state of mind and way of perceiving things mature too so that enables us to make better, more thought out decisions.
Thanks again, dear!
You’re most welcome. 😊
Thank you, Damon. 😊
You know my story Cherie. I sunk into a deep depression and couldn’t leave my apt. for about 2 yrs.
I was bullied by Tenants, who lived in the building I worked and also lived in, since August 2016, and they are still going today. I was diagnosed in Nov 2018 with major depression and was having psychotic episodes, some lasting for 2 days, and even tried suicide, twice. I was told my PTSD symptoms had returned and he added the complex to it, which came with other symptoms.
I was a emotional wreck for way too long! On heavy medications, some made it worse. All while I was feeling this way, I had to still manage to deal with the applications against me with Human Rights of Ontario, which after 19 months of the nightmare process, these tenants didn’t bother to show for the hearing they fought for in Jan 2020, so it was all dismissed.
Even with all the legal system losses, they still would not give up accusing me of every little thing they could come up with! The domain in my name is registered right now till April 2023. No one would help me with these sites, which ended up a total of 6 in time, all containing my name, pictures, address, email, and even a map to the property, making me easier to find for attack. I was a public target and the fear of that, drove me a little nuts there for awhile!
I found the courage though finally, to leave and move far away after 4 yrs, where no one knows these Bullies and who I know would refuse to believe the lies of a anonymous stranger online they have in a domain in my name. After almost 6 years of being Bullied by tenants, I am finally free, mentally healthier, and happier than I have been in a long time!
Extensive therapy, a lots of reading and gaining an education on Bullies and their mindsets, have helped me find focus like nothing else has. Learning about narcissism and its associated traits, helped me see these things in their written words and actions towards me.
It showed me this Bullying wasn’t so much about me, but about them. They needed to put me down in any way possible, to hide what that they did all this to themselves, with their own actions. They cannot be seen as at fault, they have to be the perfect tenants who do no wrong, like they claimed on their sites. They caused their own eviction, yet have to try and blame me, for making them do what they did. I can see it all so clearer now, since I have learned so much. In the process, my confidence and self-esteem has returned and I feel so FREE!
I have stuck to my truth, these Bullies do not have the right to steal my personal name for a domain title, where the contents are there to insult, humiliate, gaslight, and shame me, all written as an anonymous administrator.
It took time, but I finally saw that their narratives are so outlandish, and they nik-pick on my personal life in such detail with their nasty insinuations, it is easy to see they just do not know what they are talking about. How could they? They are not mind readers like they think they are! lol
I sure do, sweetie! And now, those bullies can’t get to you and I’m so proud of you for it! Like it’s said in the old Virginia Slims commercial, “You’ve come a long way, baby!”
I really feel for you Cherie, I only had to put up with the bullying for three years but you had six years of it. You found a practical way of dealing with it while I retreated into a fantasy world. You’ve come out the other end a stronger person.
Thank you so much, Michael! 💖 I lived in a fantasy world for a while too but this saved me! I can’t thank you enough!
You’re most welcome!
WOW my friend, I absolutely love the way you rebelled against the bullies and fought back. 🥊🥊🥊 The best revenge is success! Bravo my girl. 👏🏼 You are a survivor. 💪🏼 Thank you for encouraging us with stories of your courage. 🥰🥂🤩💖🥳💋😎🌺🌟🌞
You’re most welcome, Kym! And you’re so right, the best revenge is success and living well! 💖🌺🌻🌞 Thank you so much, sweetie! Sending you lots of love and we’ll wishes for a lovely evening! Got through chillaxing in my backyard swing and watching the sunset. Had my shower. Now I’m ready to kick back and watch a few reruns of “In the Heat of the Night!” 😃😃😃
Look at all the people you help now Cherie.. that is turning such a painful experience into something so super positive..
Awww, thank you so, so much! 💖🌺🌷You don’t know what this does for the heart!