No One is Born with Low Self-Esteem. It’s Instilled in Us by Others!


No! Insecurity and a lack of confidence are not characteristics that we’re born with. They are taught! Not only by bullies or abusive family members but can also unwittingly programmed into us by caring family members who call themselves trying to teach us humbleness and humility.

These characteristics are both good virtues to have, but only in moderation. Too much of it, however, can cause us to suppress a little too much of ourselves and hide our own awesome personalities, talents, and gifts, which can grow into insecurity and in worse cases, self-loathing.

I believe that each and every one of us is born with confidence and a heart of gold. Yet over time, our environments, circumstances, and sadly, the people in our lives can slowly erode the natural confidence and goodness we were born with.


After being hurt for so long, we withdraw from others and put up a barrier to protect ourselves. We turn cold and began to harden ourselves to numb feelings of rejection and the pain that comes with it.

Before long, we regard the feelings and suffering of others with indifference- we just don’t give a crap about anyone, how they feel, or what they think. Sometimes we even grow cold toward the people who love us because we have lost the ability to trust.

We no longer have any respect for others, much less ourselves. We end up doing and saying things that only further degrade ourselves and others. Lastly, we come to that evil place where schadenfreude takes hold of our personalities and we secretly or openly, take pleasure in seeing others, especially those we despise, suffer.

Just as we take steps to protect our health, finances, property, etc.; we must also take steps to protect our self-esteem. Self-esteem determines our life course. Therefore, we should guard it as we would our lives.

With knowledge comes empowerment!

37 thoughts on “No One is Born with Low Self-Esteem. It’s Instilled in Us by Others!

  1. aparna12 says:

    Absolutely correct. It’s a marvelous post and you have provided a great insight on low self-esteem. Unfortunately, I went through this painful torture to my soul when I started hating myself and wanted to end up committing suicide after being bullied by someone I loved. Now I am wiser and would love to launch a campaign to prevent suicides because it’s wasting a precious life over trash.

    • cheriewhite says:

      I’m so glad that you’ve got your confidence back amd are feeling stronger. And I’m proud of you for not taking your own life because as long as you’re alive, things always have a chance of getting better. πŸ’–πŸŒΊπŸŒ·πŸ¦‹

  2. Peace says:

    Yes … so agree with this … thank you for sharing your knowledge! Your words and educating others about bullies and more is empowering! Thank you!

  3. bekitschig says:

    We just spent a weekend at my moms … So true. You don’t get to pick your childhood. Unfortuenately, it’s a lot harder for me to grow and work myself up to where I should be.

  4. rts - Facing the Challenges of Mental Health says:

    When it comes to self-esteem and the lack of it, for teenage girls it is pushed on them through advertising, television shows, and other sources. I say this because, I watched my three sisters struggle with it.
    One struggled with weight issues and I saw how frustrated she would become at times.
    Another sister always looks like she is starving herself. I sometimes think it was due to peer pressure.
    Teenage boys have issues with low self-esteem struggle because they have been led to believe that they should look like the “jocks” in school. They should have rippling muscles, a six pack on the abdomen and should excel in all sports. I write this because that was myself during my years in high school.

  5. macalder02 says:

    Without a doubt, it is essential to protect our self-esteem because it allows us to have more emotional stability; By having a good opinion of ourselves, we will not need the approval of others to live our life as it should be. You have made a reflection to think about how to live our life correctly. Good post.
    Manuel Angel

  6. Saima.SK says:

    A ver good post, CherieπŸ‘
    “Just as we take steps to protect our health, finances, property, etc.; we must also take steps to protect our self-esteem. Self-esteem determines our life course.” — i agreeπŸ‘!!

  7. Ellie Thompson says:

    Yep … another of your excellently written and helpful posts that really hit home for me again. My self-esteem has always been very poor because of awful childhood experiences and an emotionally absent father. My Mum had mental health issues brought on by my father’s treatment of her all of my life. As a result of these experiences, it’s left me with poor self-esteem, which I’m currently working very hard to improve. I don’t think this was helped by my school saying that I wasn’t ‘clever’ enough to go to university, and I got bumped off to secretarial school, as did so many women at that time. If you weren’t suitable for uni at that time, that’s what happened – the boys with this ‘problem’ were sent to do apprenticeships which are more worthy in their own right. I think children made to feel unworthy end up with abysmal self-esteem. Hardly surprising, really! Goodness, I sound like I lived in the Victorian times, which, of course, I didn’t – I’m 64 now, so not that ancient πŸ™‚ .

    I’m so glad I found your blog recently, Cherie. I’m learning a lot from what you write and share. Thank you sincerely for that. Ellie x <3

    • cheriewhite says:

      Awww, Ellie! πŸ’– You don’t know how much I appreciate your kind words, sweetie! And my heart goes out to you for all you’ve suffered in your childhood. As for me, my home life was good but I was treated horrifically at school, so there’s where my trauma is. I’m so proud of you for doing the inner work to grab back your confidence and self-esteem. Know that you have value and that you matter. You are stronger than you know, braver than you think, and more beautiful than you realize. Believe in yourself and love yourself. πŸ’–πŸŒΊπŸŒ·πŸ¦‹πŸŒž

      • Ellie Thompson says:

        Thank you so much for being so kind and generous with your words. It means an awful lot to me. Sorry to hear you were treated so terribly at school and were traumatised as a result. I’m glad, though, that you have done lots of work on yourself to build yourself up again. Well done on this, and I mean that. I’m not giving up on myself – I still have plenty more work to do with the help of my new therapist. I am a very determined and pretty positive person for all I’ve been through. I don’t give up easily these days. Loving myself is still a bit of a toughie, but I know I’ll get there one day. Thanks again, Cherie, from the bottom of my heart πŸ’•πŸ€πŸŒΌ

        • cheriewhite says:

          You’re most welcome, Ellie. And I’m so proud of you for having such spirit and not letting it break you! I admire your spirit and you have my utmost respect. Know that you deserve to be happy and healthy and I’m so pleased that you’re practicing self-care. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

  8. jenswpedersen says:

    Hi Cherie

    Thanks for your post, I very much sympathize with your endeavor to liberate us from bullies and the like

    I agree that self-esteem is somehow taught, however, I am not sure that we’re not born with a lack of self-esteem

    I guess this will sound kind of foolish to you, if you don’t believe in reincarnation, but I think that I may have been taught self-loathing in a previous life. I wrote a blog post about that here:

    • authorcheriewhite_xpmr1f says:

      It’s not dear. You are so much more. And when you heal, it will be evident to you and those around you. Keep working on you and show yourself some love.

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