Conditioning happens when others brainwash and train you to believe something. It’s how evil and terrible abuses get “normalized.” When you’re a target of bullying, bullies will try to condition you to roll over and take their abuse.
Conditioning doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, incremental, bit-by-tiny-bit process that can also be soft and subtle. So, how do you know your bullies have conditioned you?
You know by the feelings you have.
1. If you feel guilty for speaking out and reporting bullying to authority, your bullies have conditioned you.
2. If you feel that the bullying is your fault, your bullies have conditioned you.
3. If you feel like a mean and cruel person for standing up for yourself, your bullies have conditioned you.
4. If you feel guilty about saying no to anyone, your bullies have conditioned you.
Are you angry yet?
What are the statements bullies use to condition you? And what do those statements condition you to think and feel? Let’s find out:
1.“Bullying is a rite of passage that everyone goes through.”
This statement conditions you to believe that bullying is normal. But it’s anything but! Bullying is sick, perverse, and damaging to the target. So, say, “Oh no, it’s not!” And be very firm when you say it.
2.“You ‘made me’ hit you!”
This statement conditions you to believe that bully’s despicable behavior is your fault- that you somehow caused the bully to get out of line and that you deserved what you got. Again, this is a blatant lie!
No one deserves bullying and abuse. You have a right to feel and be safe. Therefore, you counter the bully’s statement by saying, “No, I did not!” And say it with full conviction!
3.“You had it coming!”
“You asked for it!”
“You bring it all on yourself!”
Again, these statements condition you to believe that you’re to blame for the bullies’ horrid behavior, that their evil actions are your fault, and that you deserved it. NOT true! Remember that bullying is abuse, and no one deserves it. Say, “No, I didn’t!” or “No, I don’t, and you know it!” Be stern!
4. “You’re always trying to start something!”
“You’re always making waves.”
“Don’t rock the boat!”
“You’re always making trouble!”
“You just keep pushing it!”
“Don’t push it!”
Again, these are lies and ways to deceive you into silence. Don’t’ fall for it. Counter the bully’s claims and always, always do it with a tone of conviction.
5. “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!”
“You’re making something out of nothing!”
“You’re a crybaby!”
“You’re a liar!”
“You’re crazy!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
All lies. Counter with “No, I’m not!” or “I know exactly what I’m talking about! I know what you’re trying to do, and I won’t accept it!”
Understand that you’ll hear these statements anytime you attempt to set boundaries and stand up to bullying and abuse. Bullies hate it when you stand against them. Most would cut off their right arm before they’d ever admit to any wrongdoing.
Don’t let it deter you. Keep standing up. Keep defending yourself. Keep taking care of yourself because no one else will do it for you. All you have is you. In a situation of bullying, all you have is your voice. Use it! Don’t lose it!
But realize that if the bullies resist (and they more than likely will) and don’t respect your commands for them to stop the abuse, go away and leave you alone, it isn’t your fault nor your responsibility.
It isn’t because you weren’t firm enough, and it isn’t because you aren’t any good at standing up for or defending yourself. It’s because your bullies are a bunch of pathetic, self-entitled turds who think the rest of the world should bow down and kiss their asses. Nothing more.
Don’t fall for their power plays. Stand up, stand tall, and stand firm no matter what.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
This carries power.
I teach at a school, and a female pupil of mine was bullied by two boys. They knew her route home and waited for her along the way.
To cut the long story short, it was the marks she had on her that made us realize she was being bullied by these boys since the first day she stepped into our school.
I will have to read this entire post to her to help her find strength to fight back.
Thank you for sharing Cherie!
Your posts are always strengthening.
Oh my goodness, Emmanuel! Please do read this to her because she needs it! I’m so honored that this post can help her and I pray that she be set free from these bullies. God bless you for reaching out to this sweet girl! 💖🤗🙏
I definitely will Cherie!
God bless you!
Thank you. 😊
All of this was true with me, much to my shame. Another one I heard, not said directly to me, was that the target had to take it because he would never be able to kick anyone’s ass.
Sadly, bullies are that brazen, Michael. But in their brazenness, they tell you exactly who they are- what trash they are. What brutes they are!
So sad but true.
You see, bullies use brute force because they don’t have the social skills to get what they want any other way. They lack in communication skills and people skills. So brute force is the ONLY thing they have in their repertoire.
A therapist/APRN did this to me over several years while she kept prescribing amphetamines and ativan. She knew I was afraid of her. I felt like she was using some type of NLP to keep me in my seat and coming back. She had me listen to conversations with other clients. I was friends with one client and that person no longer speaks to me, very likely because of the therapist/ APRN intervenening. Finally the therapist APRN told me she was going to take over my life, that she was going to handle all the details of my life and be some kind of intermediary between me and the world. She told me she would be ” heartbroken if I left her ” and other inappropriate b.s. At the same time my obgyn started saying the same things to me.
Throughout, I was becoming more addicted to these drugs. Concurrently, while the aprn was being most concerning 2018-2021, ( although the concerning behavior and statements of both the obgyn and aprn began a couple years earlier around 2015),
I experienced what I can only describe as serial thefts, vandalism to my home of residence and adjacent rental property. Things that gave me joy , e.g. hobbies, art materials, music, – im a singer/ musician/ artist, my late husbands drawings and home plans and furniture designs, woodworking tools, even personal items e.g. family photos ( particularly those on my FB page) diplomas, my husbands certifications and commendations, most of my yarn stash, photos from our vacations, clothing, lots of books, etc…were removed from my home. For a while medications, vitamins, toiletries and food items, even a 30 pound bag of dog food , lots of accessories such as scarves, were also removed. Holes were smashed into the basement floor of my rental next door and a deep hole was dug in back of my furnaces. Occassionally I heard heavy movement in my attic during the night. I have concluded this has something to do with real estate harassment in order to force me to leave my property, or , both the therapist/ APRN and obgyn, wanted to relieve me of my autonomy, civil and human rights and had been cooperatively bullying me to scare me, perhaps scare me from my home. They both at one time or another advised me to sell. The therapist ofyen expressed jealousy of my different talents and abilities in music, art, poetry, etc and seemed quite dejected that I never gave her anything meaningful. I quit drugs on my own and the therapist screamed at me, she had wanted to put me on mord drugs to “manage the problems caused by amphetamines and ativan” but would not agree to me stopping those drugs. I refused and stopped the amphetamines and ativan with no help. Both women were in contact with each other and may have been the reason that every time I reported a burglary in my home, the police sent social workers who layer informed me they had received a call that I told someone I was going to commit suicide. I never made any such call. However I am aware that any such calls must be addressed, even if they are lies. I also began to see a pattern and became aware that someone may have been lying about me.
Sound like fun?
Not much. The therapist even complained to me that I spoke too well and my posture was too good. Who does that to a client???
My life is over. I hope everyone is content now that I have been ripped apart and taken down. I cannot use social media except occasionally with a pseudonym because I am bullied immediately if I go on social media.
someone once told me that old classmates might have been involved because of jealousy ( for me as a person,I have no cash) and some old classmates may have banded against me because of my politics ( Democrat, active in social justice)
I dont understand any of it. I continue to be harassed and bullied regularly as well as experoence theft and vandalism, and know that any joy in my life is over. Still, I value my life and muddle through.
I did not anticipate my 50s and 60s would be spent dealing with constant harassment. The therapist/Aprn and obgyn, until I stopped seeing them, continued to insist that NO ONE commits extended crimes and harassment against another person. They maintained that type of crime never happens. I know what I have observed and experienced. My experiences tell me otherwise.
With apologies for any typos, I’m working from my phone and it is difficult typing with one finger.
My heart goes out to you. I’ve read a few articles about this sort of thing, though I’ve never experienced bullying to this degree- by an entire system. What you’re enduring sounds a lot like gang-stalking. Though I’ve been bullied horrifically, I can say that I’ve never been gang-stalked.
I’ll do my best to be there for you, to be a listening ear. However, I must admit that this is leaning beyond the scope of my knowledge. I will definitely do more research and reading about gang-stalking from here on.
The best thing to do is to document everything that happens, sweetie. Begin talking pictures with your phone of any disarray you find in your house. Record any sounds. Write about every incidence using the 5W method (What, who, where, when, and why. In cases like this, it’s up to you to gather your own evidence. Make copies of your evidence and keep each copy in a separate place.
I wish you all the best, honey. 💖💐🌹
It just shows you how incredibly pathetic and stupid bullies are.
It certainly does.
This goes deep, thank you, C
You’re most welcome. 😊 💖💐🌹
Wow great list. Everyone should read this list and stay aware of them. Those signs are far too common and recognizing them is empowering.
Thank you so much. 💖 I’m so glad this helps! 😊 And you’re right! Knowledge is the most powerful weapon you can have! 💯