There have been millions of home health care aides who have been bullied by their client’s families. I worked in healthcare for 11 years and I have certainly had it happen to me. The good thing is that I was in a position to where I would drop the client’s case and walk away. However, many home health care aides feel trapped in hostile environments and aren’t in a position to get out.
I know a home health worker who cared for a client six hours per day, four days a week and the elderly client was satisfied with the help she give her. Yet the client’s family totally screwed everything up for her (the client) and the worker had no choice but to drop the client in her refusal to deal with the family.
I’ll call this worker, Shelly. And we’ll call the client, Mrs. Shayes. Here’s what she had to say when she told me her story:
“I truly feel bad for my former client, Mrs. Shayes (not the client’s real name). Her family bullied good care workers and I truly felt bad for her, but I had to put my own health first and walk because these people were bordering on dangerous. I was the ninth worker this poor lady had in the span of only a year. So, that, in itself, should speak volumes.
When I first began working for and taking care of Mrs. Shayes, I noticed that the family members would talk such trash about the last health care worker who took care of her before I came into the picture. Yet they put me on a pedestal because I did my job and was dedicated to my client and her needs. Although, I saw this as a waving red flag that made me suspicious and leery of these people, I continued to do my job, showing up every morning, doing what I needed to do to ensure Mrs. Shayes’ needs were being met.
She lived in a house with 6 healthy adults (2 of them free loaders with no job) and 2 babies living there. The place was so filthy, it looked like a hog pin. Some mornings, I would arrive to see a dirty diaper or two lying in the dinner table- seriously! A dirty, poopy diaper! On the kitchen table! Where people eat!
When I went to do Mrs. Shayes’ laundry, I would go into the laundry room and have to wade through two feet of wall-to-wall dirty and smelly clothes to get to the washer and dryer. The living room and hallway floors were also spotted with dog and cat pee/poop and the stench was enough to make you gag!
It was disgusting- so disgusting that flies and gnats were buzzing everywhere and the whole house reeked of rotten food and pet urine and feces! In short, the place was a real sh*thole! These people were nasty!
Poor Mrs. Shayes and two toddlers had to live in this! It just goes to show what pigs her family were. And I know I shouldn’t say these things, but these people definitely shouldn’t be allowed to have children or a helpless elderly woman in their care. Because, I kid you not, these people lived live cockroaches.
I say cockroaches because animals lived better than this.
On a regular basis, I would personally witness them yell and curse Mrs. Shayes and it would absolutely infuriate me to no end. To verbally abuse an elderly and disabled family member is about as low as you can go.
Words just aren’t enough to describe what rotten maggot ridden garbage I had to work around and I feared for this lady. When I informed the company after work, they informed me that they had contacted the state and an ombudsman on numerous occasions.
This family was so dysfunctional that they would even curse each other out and get into fights and screaming matches. I don’t know why I continued to work in that kind of environment because, in the back of my mind, I knew that it was a matter of time before they would come for me.
And sure enough, they did.
The company I worked for had it set up that each morning I arrived, I had to call in from one of the family member’s cellphones and report that I’d arrived at the client’s residence to start my shift. Everyone in the family were night owls so they often slept until 1 and sometimes 2pm. So, I had to wake one of them up in order to use a cellphone to call in.
When I woke the 21 year old grandson to use his phone, he shouted at me and threw the phone at me because I’d awakened him. Mind you, I didn’t know that this grandson was doing weekends in the county jail for a robbery he had committed. And he’d been out during the week to work as a roofer.
Later that day, I called somewhat of a meeting with the family and attempted to resolve the problem by asking if someone could leave their phone sitting in the kitchen where I could call in without waking one of them up and that’s when Mrs. Shayes, granddaughter’s boyfriend, who lived with them at the time, blew up and approached me like he was going to physically attack me.
Talk about a house full of wolves! I demanded in a stern voice that he ‘get away from me, now!’ But he kept inching his way closer. That’s when I was done. No way was I going to be abused and talked down to by these lowlifes. I immediately called the company from my cellphone and told them that I was leaving, that these people were batshit crazy, and I never wanted to work at this residence again.
So I “fired” them! It was good riddance to bad rubbish. And when I walked away from these people, my company understood because, as I said before, I had been the ninth worker they’d sent to the residence. Therefore, they didn’t terminate me. They’d just gotten a new client and they sent me there minutes after I left “the wolves den.”
But the sad thing is that in abusing their loved one’s health aid, they made it difficult for Mrs. Hayes to keep good workers to take care of her. So, I believe that she was the one who suffered the most from this.
God opened an even bigger and better door for me! I had the good sense and courage to walk away and got a better client, so I ended up winning. Yay me! Just say no to drama!
From what I was told later, the state continued to investigate these people. I don’t know what came of Mrs. Shayes but I can only hope and pray that the state removed her from the home and placed her in a clean environment with caring people where she could be safe and live out her golden years in peace…”
I feel for Shelly, but even more, I feel for the lady who lived under such conditions and, like Shelly, who obviously hated to leave because she felt as if she was leaving her client to be abused, I hope the lady ended up in a more wholesome environment.
And I’m proud of Shelly for putting her safety first and escaping such a toxic family. Know that home healthcare workers do a thankless job and they’re often the objects of bullying either by the client, or their families. And most often, it is the families of the clients who abuse these workers and I would advice any home health aid never to be afraid to walk out if these conditions arrive.
Shelly was lucky in that she had the support of the company she worked for. In most cases, however, most companies will side with the abusers. And, if that’s the case, than these companies do not deserve to have such dedicated workers under their employ.
With knowledge comes empowerment!
It happens way too often. Caregivers are doing hero’s work and are too often treated shabbily by family members who could never do what is required.
Absolutely right, Janet. Could it be that the caregivers make the family look and feel less than?
Shelly deserved a gold medal and Mrs Shaye should have been taken to a place where she would have received better care. Thanks for sharing this story.
You’re welcome, Michael. Sadly, this isn’t addressed enough.
I agree, it’s not.
You know Cherie, I was talking to a home healthcare worker a few months ago who spoke of a similar type of abusive situation, but her client wasn’t in the type of squalor your healthcare worker found herself in. The living conditions alone could have been reported to Social Services and they would have removed the client and the children out of that home. Clearly the older children, who were also abusing their mother were freeloaders and were only there so they could get the social security money from their parent who needed medical home assistance. This is a damn shame and disgrace. 😠 😡 🤬
I do believe more policies for protecting home healthcare workers and their welfare needs to be put in place. This is absolutely disgusting and I hate to hear about any type of abuse like this, I don’t care what sector they may be in, where the job is challenging enough let alone top that off with a scoop of freaking unwarranted abuse, especially from the family who obviously don’t give a shit about their loved one needing care. Un-freaking real! 😤
Amen, Kym. When she told me all this, I was speechless but wrote everything down as she told it. And you’re absolutely right about the money reason. The young adults in the house were freeloaders and they only wanted the woman’s SS check. In fact, that was my thought exactly! Not that I look down on people who draw foodstamps and welfare, but Shelly did tell me that she heard a few of them say on numerous occasions that “when I get my welfare check, foodstamps, ect, we will have a good lifestyle as they were waiting on approval. I understand if the person has been laid off and needs the assistance, but when they do it just to sit around and have no gumption to get a job, that’s what burns my biscuits!
Guuurrrrrlllll, where is my mic…. 🎤🎤🎤 Cherie, I feel as you do that people can use a helping hand, but being trifling is a whole different horse of a different color. 🐴 If your biscuits are burning, then mine have now become chips! I so get it, although that was kind of funny the way you said it! 😝 😮 😜 But I get it! I appreciate your introspect, because you were spot on! 👏🏼 🤜🏼🤛🏼 🙌🏼 I’ve seen too many seniors suffer because of this type of B.S. 😠
Absolutely. And I don’t think these kinds of family members care about what it does to their loved one’s. Talk about self serving attitudes they have. SMH
I truly know what you mean. 😠 Self-serving is on point! 🎯 Disgusting!!!
You got that right! 💯