It’s best to begin standing up for yourself in the early stages or you’ll come across as a doormat to others and teach them how to treat you based on what they see. Sadly, many targets of bullying do not realize this until the bullying gets so bad and so out of control that their lives are in danger. By then, it’s usually too late to change anything and the only option left is for target to remove him/herself from the environment.
Understand that bullying always escalates and the more you ignore it, deny it, and tolerate it, the more emboldened, brazen, and full of themselves the bullies become until they become drunk on their own power. That’s when the abuse will get out of control and you’re most likely to end of getting severely hurt or worse.
Bullying is like a drug. As we know, it takes one smoke, one drink, or one snort or two for a person to become hooked and once he/she gets that first high, they always want more. It’s the same with bullying. All it takes is one backhanded compliment, one offhand comment, or one insult or two to get the target to react and give the bullies that first rush- that first power high, then they always come back for more.
Also, drug addicts slowly build a tolerance to the drug, and, as time goes on, they need a bigger dose, then an even bigger dose to catch that high. First, they need one milligram, then two, then four, then eight, and so on! It’s no different with bullies. With time they escalate the bullying, then escalate it further to keep getting that rush of power.
First, they start with offhand comments, backhanded compliments, and petty insults. Also, they may smear you to others and give you the silent treatment. When these lose their thrill, the insults become more blatant and hurtful, escalating to yelling, cursing, and severe name-calling. When that loses its luster, the bullying progresses to borderline physical abuse- accidentally on purpose running into the target in the hall, light shoves, and tripping.
When bullies can no longer get their power rush from light physical bullying, they take it up, yet, another notch and progress to more obvious physical beatings- slapping, punching, choking, kicking, etc. Next, they use weapons like textbooks, slamming heads against lockers or the sides of vehicles, then sticks, bottles, pipes…and so on.
boundaries, respect yourself
So, understand that bullying and abuse always- always…escalates! In other words, it always gets worse and more severe. It also becomes more frequent!
I’ve said it before, bullying is best countered and quashed in the earliest stages of it. The best time to stand up for yourself is during the “testing phrase”- when bullies are testing you to see what how you will react and what you’ll allow them to get away with.
Treat yourself better by not allowing others to abuse you, because how you treat yourself shows in how you allow others to treat you. Remember that you deserve better and you don’t have to put up with abuse from anyone.
Very true. 🙏
People keep pushing boundaries until they are have boundaries set up or lines drawn. The thing is prevalent in all walks of life. When it is talked about in the context of the toxic environment created by bullying, it gets nastier when there are no boundaries set up.
Absolutely it does- much nastier! 💯
💜 Do also Remember EveryOne that the “escalation” may come from YOU!!! The “Target” that is The Powder Keg on a Very Long Fuse; it’s No Fun Being The “Bully” when The Powder Keg Inevitably EXPLODES!!! and the tables ARE turned as The “Target” becomes The “Bully” and The “Bully” becomes a Whimpering Wreck of a “Target”
…💛💚💙…
The target “becomes the bully” when he/she defends themselves, right?
💜 Wrong EveryOne, Self Defence, “defends themselves”, is a question of Degree of FORCE!!!; when a “Target” uses more FORCE!!! than is necessary to “defend themselves” then they have indeed “become the bully” which isn’t at ALL surprising given ALL of THAT PERT PROVOCATION!!! and then Simmering Rage that Boils Over in to a Madness a Furious, Excessive, Dangerous, Drastic Defensive Response where The Former “Target” become The “Bully” is Now No Longer THINKING!!! about ReActing in a Measured Way Being Driven Only by Mindless RAGE!!! and Regretful in The AfterMath as They Survey The Whining, Whimpering Wreck of The “Target” that was The “Bully”
…💛💚💙…
Targets don’t think about “excessive force” when they’ve been bullied so long they’re pushed to the breaking point. That’s why it’s important to address it in the early stages- when the bully says something hurtful in the early stages, the target can come back with a mic drop, or something witty to defuse the situation. If the bully gets in the target’s face or hits them, the target has my permission to give the bully a good old-fashioned tail whipping. That’s not excessive force. That’s giving the bully a dose of his own medicine so that he’ll think twice about putting hands on anyone again.
You are absolutely right, Cherie:
I have seen the treatment begin, and thought ‘this is not going to get better, or stop here, it is likely to get worse’ but then not do anything about it until I was in tears for the second or third time and found myself thinking “I knew this was happening, and I knew this would get worse, so why did I believe the excuses?”
Boundaries are crucial, but so hard to put up in the beginning, and then it takes a monumental effort later, as the abuse has become clearly evident, and at that point it often almost inevitably leads to some degree of physical abuse, which then requires getting over the shock quickly enough to avoid using too much force in self-defense. And the abuser is always offended when you defend yourself, by pushing back, or by saying do not hit me in the shoulder/head/etc, it’s not funny, it hurts, and yes, I will block you again if you try to do that again.
By the time things have gotten to this point, though, it is always too late, both for the relationship to be salvaged in anyway, and often even to save myself from having to spend alot of useless time cleaning up the mess, in various ways.
So thank you again, Cherie, for these needed warnings.
Boundaries above all,
and insisting on respect.
With love,
Stay safe,
-Shira
You’re so welcome, Shira. And I’m so sorry you endured such evil! I know it’s hard cleaning up the mess. Know that I’m here and that I care. You’re in my thoughts and prayers! 🙏❤
Thank you, Cherie, I appreciate your kindness.
I’m most focused on helping to clean up the mess in our world that allows these things to happen to us, especially kids, and prevent it.
Your prayers and especially your thinking-cap are most greatly appreciated in that regard!
Stay safe,
-Shira
Any time, Shira! Sending lots of love your way! <3
Send you Safe Air Hugs, if you want them right now,
-Shira
🤗🤗🤗
🙂
Had I physically defended myself against bullies — i.e. a slap across the face, a pinch, or stomping on their feet — that would’ve put them in their place.
Probably. I’d recommend a good punch if they get in your face or put hands on you. Nothing wrong with self-defense.