Indifferent.
Recently, I wrote a blog post entitled, “Should the Opinions of Bullies Matter?” In it, I stated the reasons why they shouldn’t and that the only opinions that should were those of the people who love us and want the best for us.
And it’s true. Bullies’ opinions shouldn’t concern us and for some targets, they don’t. but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became that maybe I should’ve added more to the post.
So, here goes!
Though bullies’ thoughts and feelings of you shouldn’t matter, it doesn’t mean they can’t affect us, or even hinder us.
The reality is that the bullies’ opinions of their target can have a huge impact on the target’s life. Their thoughts and feelings of the target can determine whether other people outside the bully/target conflict feel comfortable associating with the target.
Although we don’t want to admit it and, no, it isn’t fair, the personal opinions of other people often are the deciding factor or whether we’re well-liked or lonely and hated.
Bullies influence the attitudes of others who otherwise either wouldn’t have an issue with us or would be great friends under different circumstances. The opinions of bullies have a way of spreading far and wide- making bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being.
It’s amazing what a contagion effect bullying has on schools, companies, organizations, and communities.
We must learn about bullying from all angles. Because the more we know, the better we will be able to salvage our good names and counter some of the effects it may have on our lives.
Yes and that is where it gets tricky. The old saying “Sticks and Stones” is not true. Words do matter particularly who says it. In school let’s face it, everyone dreams of dating the most popular guy or girl in the school, being with the in crowd, etc. But in school unfortunately everyone ultimately gets placed on some type of social ladder. I was probably in the middle. Not completely overlooked but not at the top of the spectrum either. I didn’t really have a clique. I wasn’t smart enough to be a bookworm and not cool enough to be with the in crowd. When we are interested in someone particularly at that age and we get turned down it hurts. We feel not pretty/handsome enough, not a good enough personality, not cool enough, etc. And if that person or the group we want to be in bullies us or even just ignores us it hurts. At a young age we don’t realize that isn’t always what we are going to be, good or bad. Some people get better looking with age, or cooler or more successful. Some people learn better people skills etc. No other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter, but they still do to us because I think we fear even when we know better, what if what they are saying is true?
I don’t think we fear any possibility of what they say being true because we know that none of it is true. What we fear is being judged by people who have nothing to do with the bully/target dynamic and a resulting loss of opportunities and not being given a chance.
I am going to respectfully disagree. My self-esteem at times was so low I did wonder if was true if I had similar things from multiple people. I feared even the non-bullies, good, decent people some friends secretly thought the same thing. When you here something enough you start to believe it.
I understand. And I did the same thing when I was young. But now that I know better, I would fear more of how it would affect my life. The EFFECTS of how people think.
Different people have different outcomes though.
Absolutely. It is just hard for young people whose minds haven’t developed fully yet to realize it isn’t true. I look back now even when I was 18 or 19 and realize my brain wasn’t fully there yet.
You’re absolutely right.
I was wondering too if you had a chance to read my blog based on something you said in a private email. I hope you will check out my others as well as you are a very good writer with strong opinions.
I just read it and I’m so impressed! I’m so glad that things worked out! 😊
And please check out my comment on your post! I think you’ll like it! 🙂
Hey Mrs.White, I posted a question on my blog under the one you responded to. Thank you for your comment!
You’re very welcome!
Hi there, thank you for sharing your thought on “bullies’ opinions”.
You’re right that bullies’ opinions shouldn’t concern us and for some targets, they don’t. I am glad that you add your views: “The opinions of bullies have a way of spreading far and wide- making bullies out of those who, under normal circumstances, would never resort to mistreating another human being”. At this point, we should do our best to stop those “evil bullies’ opinions”.
You’re most welcome! 😀