If you’re a target of bullying, people will naturally expect you not to open your mouth about the harassment. Not only your bullies themselves but often bystanders and authority will automatically side with the bullies.
But, it still doesn’t mean that you stay silent because standing up for yourself shows bravery and strength and you’re well within your rights to do so.
However, I want you to be prepared for the following hurtful responses you’re likely to get when you finally do begin speaking against the mistreatment.
Here they are:
1. “You’re being too sensitive.” Understand that when people respond this way, they’re only shifting the blame to you and trying to shame you into keeping quiet about it. People who tell you this might be friends or followers of the bullies or have a personal interest in keeping you quiet, such as the reputation of the school or company, the bullies may be kin to them somehow, or the bullies may be perceived as “good for the school’s or company’s reputation.” But don’t be ashamed to speak out. You must keep the pressure on even if the bullying gets worse. Understand that things usually get worse before they get better. But they will get better.
2. “Just Ignore Them.” This never works, as bullies only become angry at being ignored and escalate the bullying. Or, they may mistake ignoring for fear. And if a bully gets in your face, how do you ignore that? It’s impossible. You might think that the best way to handle it is to put your hand up and walk around the bully and it IS a good response. But how do you know the bully won’t come after you and attack you from behind once you’ve walked past them?
Understand that when people tell you to ignore the bully, what this means is that they either don’t want to hear about it, don’t want to deal with it, or don’t have any answers themselves.
3. “Toughen up.” Again. The people who could help you don’t want to get involved. So they put it all on you. By telling you to toughen up, they’re shifting the blame onto you and trying to shame you into staying silent. Also, when you tell a target to toughen up, you’re only asking for things between the target and bully to escalate because the target will take it as a green light to tell the bully to shove it up his you-know-where or haul off and knock the idiot’s block off. Not that it’s a bad thing because, in my opinion, bullies deserve a good whack in the nose.
But those in authority have no right to tell the target to toughen up, then turn around and punish him when he finally does.
Respond to this by saying, “No. It’s not about toughing up. It’s about asserting my right to be treated with decency and I don’t have to take that mess.” And when you say it, say it with conviction.
4. “Get over it.”
5. “Don’t be a crybaby.”
6. “Stop whining.”
7. “Don’t be a tattletale.”
All of the above nuggets of advice are only meant to shame and silence you. Bullying is no different from any other form of abuse. It thrives on secrecy. If you don’t speak out about it, the bullying and abuse will only continue, even escalate.
Defending their rights concept. Silhouette of hands pointing, denouncing the hand that defends their rights
I realize that getting these kinds of responses makes you feel even worse and there’s a temptation to clam up and burrow back into your hole. But don’t! You must refuse to keep quiet about it!
Keep speaking out about it. When people give you any of the above responses, that’s when you should only double down, dig your heels in and speak louder! Because only when a problem is addressed does it have the potential to be solved.
It may get worse before it gets better, but there’s always a chance that it will get better when you verbally protest the bullying. And no matter the outcome, you’ll feel so much better about yourself knowing you took a stand.
Distance yourself and do not interact with them. If you do not speak they cannot say anything about what you said.
That’s true. However, sometimes they’ll come looking for trouble. So, by all means, keep speaking out. Maybe not to them, but find a trusted person outside the bullying dynamic to talk to. Or go on an anti-bullying campaign. You can even begin writing and Journaling about it.. Anything so as not to keep silent and keep your emotions bottled up
Writing about it releases the tension and the pain which is suppressed. I have much more to write about my life here.
There you go! 🙂
I actually got detention for speaking out…not to mention blackmailed by those that bullied me.
That happens. But there’s always writing about it in a journal.
It’s hard to stand up or speak out when you seldom do. And many get those backlash responses. Stay silent, stay in your corner.
You’re right. It’s very hard and bullies do retaliate. However, the bullying is going to escalate anyway, whether you do or don’t speak out. That’s what I found out the hard away. So, I thought, “What do I have to lose anyway. If they’re going to bully me worse anyway, might as well make it count.”
But that’s just me. Everyone handles it differently.
Your words ring true, our voices matter, especially when standing against oppression, bullying, and, subjugation. C
Thank you so much! I so agree! 🙂
Thanks for the following dear.
Yea, our voices matter.
Thank you for sharing. I love your blog and how you are also a voice for those who are going through hard times in the hands of bullies.
Thank you so much for your kind words! ❤😊
❤️❤️
very true these bullies become powerful because of support of these external entities and you actually end up fighting them alone. But still its better to raise voice because when you raise voice over a period of time even others get the strength to do so
Absolutely correct! 🎯
i am writing a short post on bullying for parenting and kids and adding your posts for reference they give the very best inspirations and solutions and awareness in the most difficult circumstance.
Thank you so much! I’m both honored and humbled. This means a lot. 😊
https://howtoteachadifficultchild.in/2020/10/24/bullying-being-aware-and-being-prepared/
do send me your review
Such an awesome post! And thank you so much for referencing my blog! This means a lot and I’m both honored and humbled! 🙂
Note: I don’t think my first comment went through so if this is a redundant post, my sincere apologies.
Thanks a lot, means a lot
😊
You are doing a great job, btw even i am facing problems with comments
Are they not showing up? WP has a nasty habit of putting legitimate comments in the Spam Folder. That’s been my experience with it. I’ll check my Spam folder and dig them out. 🙂
Goes redundant
Thanks a lot means a lot
🙂
Sorry if my comments are redundant most are not going thru looks like some.problem
Many good comments get put in Spam for some reason. It’s a glitch in the Spam Filter I think.