A Thirteenth Takeaway from Being Bullied

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When I posted “My 12 Takeaways from Being Bullied” a while back, perhaps it should’ve been titled with a thirteen instead of a twelve.

Later, another takeaway came to mind that I hadn’t thought of and failed to mention. But before I tell you what it is, allow me to elaborate a little first.

Many of my bullies in school were the most irresponsible and incompetent people I’d ever met. They were spoiled, coddled and babied which caused them to be self-entitled, demanding, arrogant and ignorant. Many of them would get into trouble with the school, juvenile authorities, or the police. And they would do these things repeatedly.

Any time they got themselves in a jam, here come Mom and Dad to the rescue. Their parents would either pull a few strings or pay through the nose to pry little junior’s butt out of the crack he’d gotten it stuck in.

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If they made a bad grade, the parents would come to the school and chew the teacher out for giving the grade. Or they would cheat their way to a passing grade.

Many of my female bullies would end up pregnant, some repeatedly, and their parents would swoop in to fund their abortions to keep her from bringing shame to the family. What’s even funnier is that some of these kids were those no one ever in a million years thought would end up in such predicaments.

This is not to say that I look down on anyone who goes to jail, who has gotten PG out of wedlock or has had an abortion because we all screw up- and screw up BIG- at some point in life. So, understand that I’m not judging anyone, nor am I expressing any views.

My point to this post is this: They never learned to take responsibility for their own lives. And why would they if they were never made to?

I look back now and realize that it’s no wonder most of these people had the attitudes they had.

With that said, here’s my 13th takeaway:

I learned early on that I was the only person responsible for my own safety, success, and future happiness and no one else! And I had to be willing to do whatever it took to bootstrap my way back up. And it was the same with my other siblings.

There were no freebies nor piggyback rides.

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If I screwed up (and I did many times), my parents didn’t bail me out. They stood back, let me fall flat on my tookus, then pick myself up afterward- all by myself! And they did it to teach me responsibility for my actions.

And when you’re a kid, you don’t realize the tough love and good intentions behind it. You don’t see the eventual payoff. You don’t think about how this will mold you into a much better person and make life much easier for you in the future.

All you’re looking at is the here and now. All you see is what’s in front of your face, which is every other kid getting to do whatever wrong they want and getting a pat on the head and a proverbial get-out-of-jail-free card while you’re having the book thrown at you. And no, it’s not fun. In fact, it downright sucks!

But! Though it may not have felt good nor seemed fair at the time, through it all, I learned independence. I learn self-control. I discovered my own strength and that I was unstoppable!

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And if I can go through six long years of brutal bullying and remain standing, then nothing is impossible, and there’s no limit to the heights I can achieve.

The majority of people who are bullied are those who come from families who’ve instilled morals, integrity and the importance of accountability in them. These people are often the brightest, most hard-working, decent, caring, and, most of all, bravest people around.

When you’re bullied, you learn to overcome so many obstacles and move on with life. And you learn by yourself. You learn to fight like the dickens for your safety, well-being, and your happiness. You also learn that if you want anything in life, it’s up to only you to put in the effort to get it.

In closing, I want to thank my bullies for showing me my own strength and for giving me the grit to stay in the fight, to adapt, to overcome, and to win!

0 thoughts on “A Thirteenth Takeaway from Being Bullied

  1. ourlittleredhouseblog says:

    My daughter knew some girls’ in High School that were mean to her, always sneering and saying things that were not always polite. My daughter had many friends though and the teachers all loved her too because she was always very kind and helped everyone who needed extra tutoring with some lessons. She started a magazine at the school as well. The friends she did have were good kids but there are always mean ones out there that are jealous of anyone who is happy and successful. The mean girls after graduation would all end up becoming pregnant after they graduated and they did not stay with the boyfriends that used them. My daughter was shocked that is was all the girls that were cruel to others that would end up pregnant and single parents. It is so sad, like they needed someone to love them and did not know how to find the right people to give them confidence and love so they became pregnant teenage moms, not continuing with their education. They are still cruel though. Finding my daughter online when she posts her religious verses and does bible study session with her real friends they will troll her accounts to attack anything she says. Finally my daughter shut down most of her accounts because of it. She now blocks and only invites people into her social media that are kind.

    • cheriewhite says:

      Wow! It’s sad that those mean girls never grew up and became better people. But sadly, most school bullies become even worse adults. Most of my bullies also became meaner adults. But I’m so glad your daughter ditched those meanies and gravitated toward better people. I know you must be one proud Mama! <3

  2. coatofmanycolors22 says:

    I think this is a really good point. Our brains are not fully developed at that age or at least the way we process things. In hindsight, a lot of times the bully didn’t have much substance to them. Other than the ability to talk about and intimidate others not much else was there. I know a lot of people that were into bullies, if they were of the opposite site they were attracted to them because they thought they were stronger or somehow more adult when they were the exact opposite.

  3. coatofmanycolors22 says:

    I think the biggest thing to do is examine where their life after high school went and where those who were bullied, their lives went. A lot of times the bully reached their peak in high school and did little with their life, while that kid picked upon filled out because one of the beautiful people (not that it matters) and went on to great success. The true sign is when someone who was immature and a bully realizes the error of their ways and reaches out to people they picked upon and says they are sorry. I think most people if they are sincere, can forgive them. However, many true bullies never do and continue to be bullies for the rest of their life.

    • cheriewhite says:

      Again. Great points here. I can surely attest that many of my former bullies never went anywhere special and they continue to be cruel and miserable abults today because they’ve grown bitter. Their lives didn’t turn out like they thought.

      • coatofmanycolors22 says:

        I think what happens there sometimes is the bullying is all they think they have. The person that actually has potential a lot of times is a kinder, gentler person. They may not be very assertive of that age, maybe even socially awkward but they know right from wrong and with a little maturity go places. I sent you another email I had a few questions about an earlier post and discussion I was curious about. Thank you!

  4. Dr. Thomas Maples says:

    The only failure in life is a lesson not learned. Even in its heart-wrenching forms, these lessons form the armor the heart needs to generate its own happiness within. These were a few thoughts that came to mind as I read your post. Thank you for sharing!

    • cheriewhite says:

      Thank you so much, Dr. Maples. I love the way you express those thoughts- and you’re absolutely right. At the end of the day, all you have is you and it’s up to you to generate your happiness, not others. 🙂

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