Vincent Ehindero Award Nomination

award

Howdy, everyone! I was just nominated for the Vincent Ehindero Award and I’d like to thank LifeTube for this nomination! I’m so excited that they nominated me for this award! Please follow LifeTube for posts about life, science, and positivity, Again, thank you LifeTube for considering me for the Vincent Ehindero Award. I’m both honored and humbled.

I would also like to thank my followers and blogger friends. Without you, this blog wouldn’t go very far. It’s people who make things happen and it’s people who make such a positive difference here! Again, thank you all!

Rules:

Thank the person that nominated you with a link to their blog.

Make a post of the award (with a photo.)

Post the rules.

Ask 5-10 questions of your choice.

Nominate 10-30 other bloggers.

Follow Vincent Ehindero at vincentehindero.wordpress.com (to qualify for a free blog promotion and shoutout) and more blogging opportunities.

My answers for LifeTube questions:

1. How do you manage time to run your blog efficiently?
I usually schedule time to work on my blog a few hours before and after work and sometimes late at night after my husband goes to bed.

2. What do you do in your spare time?
Walk, listen to music or work on my next book to be published.

3. How do you manage time to run your blog efficiently?
See number 1.

4. What was the most challenging moment in your blogging journey so far? Writer’s block- figuring out what to write and how to write it.

5. Some of your strengths that really helped you in blogging?
Reading. I love to read. And it gives me ideas for writing prompts and for my future books. I see writing prompts everywhere when I read, even if it’s reading a lunch menu or a road sign. LOL I also like listening to other people’s conversations- not to be nosy, but to get more writing prompts!

6. Name your favorite bloggers and explain why they are your favorites?

1. KennyStrong – because it’s a blog by a mother who has lost her son to bullycide and she pours her heart out by blogging and telling her readers how she copes and why she is a crusader against bullying. She is such a brave woman.

2. rts – (formerly Rethinking Scripture) – Talks about battles with depression and how faith can help you cope. People who are open about their battles are most human in my eyes and are the bravest! I have nothing but admiration and empathy for them.

3. Mommy Me – Ishwarya give great parenting advice on any subject matter, from meals, to playtime, to bullying. Mommy Me is a great Mom blog and I enjoy reading the fresh ideas she posts.

4. MyPlace3187 – James is an author and posts a lot of great short stories on his blog! His blog is well-written and some of the stories resonate! He also posts about his life and I just love reading about the lives of others.

5. Brothers Campfire – He too posts short stories, or campfire stories we like to call them. And I love reading those. He gives you the feeling of being a kid again and sitting around a campfire with friend on a cool night and listening to a great story. And it’s been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of sitting around a campfire with a circle of friends. Because adulting is tough sometimes, we all need to feel like a kid again sometimes. 🙂

6. Drew – He is a crusader against bullying like I am and strength comes in numbers. Together as a team, every advocate against bullying around the world can make a difference in the lives of victims everywhere!

My Nominations:

1. KennyStrong
2. rts
3. Mommy Me
4. MyPlace3187
5. Brothers Campfire
6. Drew
7. Aimee Eddy
8. ThisWeirdChick’sBlog
9. Belladonna
10. Stuart
11. Abigail Johnston
12. Looking for the Light

My questions for Nominees :

1. How do you juggle your blogging time with time at work and family time?

2. What are some other hobbies you have besides writing?

3. Have you published a book?

4. What are some things you like to do for recreation?

5. What is your favorite genre of music and who are your favorite musicians?

6. Name your favorite authors and why?

Thank you all so much!

Cherie

Bullying Will Either Make You or Break You

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All too often, whether at school or work, it’s the best of the best who get bullied- children and teens with pure hearts of gold, empathetic coworkers, the very people who don’t deserve it and who want to make the world a better place.

These are the people who are team players, who are cooperative and who deeply care about others. They extend kindness to others and will give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it.

Understand that simply caring– about anyone or anything is going to be painful. It’s why so many who were once kind and caring people are now cold, hard, angry and bitter. These people were relentlessly bullied and they allowed it to make them cold and mean. They are often those who adopt the “I’m going to get you before you get me” attitude.

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For a long time, I was one of those people. After being bullied, I became no better than they were. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened and that I no longer have to resort to cruelty to protect myself. And I’m much happier and more confident in who I am!

Bullying has a way of taking it all out of you. It can take your self-esteem, your confidence, your happiness, your love and kindness for others, your energy, your health- even your will to live. But only if you let it!

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Bullying will either make or break you.
It will either wise you up or dumb you down.

Either way, these results are up to you.

Bullying changes a person, no doubt about it. But don’t let it make you bitter. Let it make you better!

PURPOSE IN PAIN —

Damilola wrote this beautiful post and she’s so right! Sometimes, pain has a purpose we’re not aware of while it’s happening. Only later do we realize this! This post resonated so much with me that I just had to reblog it!

Hello dear! Welcome to my Bloggggg! I’m as excited as you are to read this because I know you are here for a purpose. Without too much rambling I’ll get to the main course of today. Purpose in pain I’m sure you’re wondering what this means, don’t worry, I’m getting there. Let me start off […]

via PURPOSE IN PAIN —

School Bullying By Girls and the Proverbial Excuse of: “But I’m So Jealous of Her!” — My life after Alcoholics Anonymous

This is a personal story about girl-on-girl bullying and gaslighting by Psychology Girl from her blog.

School bullying is a major problem in our schools. Today there are zero tolerance policies, however, one problem that I wonder about today is whether girl to girl bullying is being addressed. This is because bullying by girls can be very insidious, and although this is a form of aggression itself, can easily be overlooked […]

via School Bullying By Girls and the Proverbial Excuse of: “But I’m So Jealous of Her!” — My life after Alcoholics Anonymous

3 Things You Must Do to Find Out Who Your Friends Are

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Are you ready for this? Here goes: You do it by being yourself, by setting boundaries and by speaking and standing in your truth. I’ll explain deeper.

Be Yourself. Too many people put on fake personas for friendship and approval. What they don’t realize is that most of their friends aren’t really for them, they only act like they are and can reak lots of havoc in their lives if they aren’t careful! I want you to realize that like attracts like.

When you’re fake, you only attract more like-minded people into your world- fakes, fraudsters, and imposters! But understand that when you start being yourself, these people will naturally be repelled because they won’t like it.

Being real has a way of intimidating and threatening the fake. It strikes fear in them because a person who’s for real has a chance of exposing all who are fake. Is it any wonder that fake people either stay away from or bully those who are real? It’s because realness scares them to death!

Vector prohibiting palm

Personal boundary. Prohibiting palm, psychotherapy icon vector illustration

Set Boundaries. This is a biggie! Setting boundaries is not easy. It can be frightening sometimes, especially when someone pushes you too far, and the situation calls for you to put on your bitch-face and show your booty to people. But don’t worry about what others will think of it or say about it.

Boundaries always expose the fakes. Always! When you start setting boundaries, watch how people react! You’ll be amazed at how many people get angry and upset! You will automatically see their evil sides as they immediately turn against you, trying to lay guilt trips on you or smearing you to others.

But understand that anyone who gets angry at you for having boundaries only does so because they’ve benefited all this time from you not having any. Do you think they want those benefits to stop?

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Don’t be afraid to let these people go because they never were your friends and therefore don’t belong in your life. Your real friends, on the other hand, will be happy for you and will cheer you on because they will want what’s best for you and to see you happy.

Speak and Stand in Your Truth. When you begin freely speaking out about past abuse and bullying, you can bet that you’ll make a lot of people angry. You’ll make bitter enemies not only of the people who wronged you in the past but also of those who stood by and watched it happen but fail to stop it.

Even if you don’t use their names and choose not to identify them, it won’t matter. Understand that any abuse thrives on silence. Abusers and most bystanders don’t want you talking about it at all!

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They are sometimes those we call friends. Abusers can’t chance being exposed and seen by others in a negative light and they’ll go to great lengths to shut you down.
But again. This is how you weed out all the fakes and expose people for who they are. Deep-six these people. Fast!

Understand that for a garden to not only grow but flourish, you must get rid of all the weeds. It’s the same with the people in our lives. If we are surrounded by users, abusers, and people who only stifle us, we have no chance of growth and advancement.

But when you remove all the junk, you make room for a better quality of people to come into your life. Do these three things, to expose and get rid of the weeds.
You’ll be surprised at how it changes your life and the quality of friends who come into your life!

If You’re Going to Play the Fool, Be a Genius at It (Part 2)

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Though bullies may think you’re the stupidest person on the face of the earth, you can turn it against them and to your own advantage if you do it right.

Nobody likes to feel stupider than the next person and bullies have a way of making you feel that way. The feeling that someone else is smarter than you are can be unbearable and if bullies get the feeling that you’re smarter than them, they’ll always try to justify it by saying things like,

“You may have all the book smarts in the world, but not have a lick of common sense.”

My classmates always used to say, “she may be good at writing and singing, but she ain’t good at anything else!” or my personal favorite, “If it weren’t for her singing voice or writing talent, she wouldn’t be worth beans!”

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But here’s a nugget of reality they hadn’t learned and even today, still don’t know:

Everyone’s a dummy outside of their talents, gifts and fields!

Fish can’t fly,
Birds can’t swim,
Most pro football players can’t write fiction novels,
And most singers and writers probably suck at sports!

Stephen King is a fantastic writer, but probably couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket!

My point is that everyone has something they’re good at, maybe some haven’t found out what it is, but everyone has a talent somewhere!

I can’t count the times people- classmates and some teachers, told me that very same line to remind me that I wasn’t as smart as I made myself out to be, even when I made good grades and high marks or was recognized for an achievement.

I seemed to get that little reminder all the time.

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But understand that people will say things like this any time they feel you are surpassing them at something. Even better they lull themselves into thinking you are dumber than anyone else! But if you see it as an opportunity, you can turn tables on bullies and make utter fools out of them- right before the eyes of everyone else!

So, let them delude themselves into a false sense of superiority. Oh yes! You read that correctly! Let them think you’re the dumbest, most ignorant fool around because it’s the first step in laying your trap for them.

And once they get the idea that you’re so dumb you couldn’t pour pee out of a boot, that’s when it’s time to pull something elaborate, sly and shady as hell!

Look dumber than your bullies and their perceptions of you will be your shield- your cover when you slyly bait them or attack them, trick or deceive them! And if they do find out you were behind it, it’ll be too late, and they’ll look like blooming idiots!

I’ll give you an example from when I was in middle school (then called junior high):

During the seventh grade, a group of girl bullies sat at the table next to mine and they were brutal. One day, suddenly and out of the clear blue, they began acting nice.

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I knew there was a catch somewhere, but I decided to humor them just to see what they wanted. (But don’t they all want something when they suddenly begin pouring on the pleasantries?) Sure enough, they very sweetly asked me to take up their trays (Ah-HA!!!)

There it was, having seen them do the same to a smaller boy in the class, I smiled at them,and agreed to do it. So, I decided to be their maid for a while.

Other kids laughed and thought I was a complete pushover. But I knew something they didn’t, and they’d soon find out when the opportunity arrived for me to put my plan into action.

I continued to play maidservant to them for the next week until they decided that they were going to get up and leave the lunchroom. The girls left their trays, empty milk cartoons, dirty napkins and other garbage lying on the table, thinking I’d take them up for them.

I only got up and went to my next class, leaving those trays sitting right there on the table, exactly where the girls had left them! As a result, the cafeteria ladies got the names of all the girls and reported them to the principal!

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The principal then came and got those girls out of class, took them back to the cafeteria and made them clean up their own mess. Oh, the humiliation they suffered!

Word got around about it in a matter of minutes, and the girls became laughing stocks of the school! School staff would scowl at the girls and other kids pointed fingers at them, calling them nasty pigs, dirty butts, skanks, slobs, and other degrading names! I played stupid and ended up making them look like the utter trash they were.

I’ll be honest here! I was loving every minute of it! And their reactions? Fury! Rage! They immediately threatened physical retaliation. They yelled, screamed, called me all kinds of names, while I laughed.

Luckily nothing happened and best of all, they never bothered me again after their anger cooled. They learned a valuable lesson in this. Never underestimate someone you think is stupid. They just might prove to be smarter than you think.

And if the opportunity presents itself, why not take it?

Bullying and PTSD — A journey-living with depression and anxiety

Is it possible that we can suffer PTSD after being bullied for a decade? Or more, or less… however long the bullying lasts the effects last a lot longer. I’m sure I suffer with PTSD as a result of being constantly bullied every day for many years. I’m sure I ended up in abusive relationships […]

via Bullying and PTSD — A journey-living with depression and anxiety

Keeping the Negative Focus Off Yourself

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Many times, I would pit a few of my classmates against each other. If I knew of a few who disliked or hated each other, I’d very quietly and slyly pit them against each other.

An offhand comment here, another there, and I’d have them fighting among themselves. Yeah, I know, it was a shady thing to do. However, if I could keep them fighting among themselves, then I could distract their attention and hostility away from me and thus, keep the spotlight away!

And when you’re chronically bullied like I was, you’ll do anything and I mean anything to get a nice, albeit short, reprieve from all the drama. And sometimes, “ya gotta do what ya gotta do” to keep yourself safe.

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So, if you have to, keep them too busy fighting each other to even think about you. It’s not that you’re trying to hurt anyone, your only goal is to keep yourself safe!

Sometime later, I’ll give you more detailed pointers on how I did it.
Until next post! Stay safe and stay well!

Bullies and “Target Derangement Syndrome”

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…or “Victim Derangement Syndrome. Whatever you want to call it, it’s extremely toxic and it’s when things begin to become dangerous for a target of bullying.

TDS happens when the lies and bad talk about the target reaches such as pitch that it seems to be the unwritten rule to believe the BS or to, at the very least, act like you do. And too often, the bystander’s safety depends on it!

Bullies, followers and bystanders have TDS when they have such an intense, demented and blind hatred for the target that they’ll believe, without question (and without even blinking!), anything about him, so as long as it’s negative. And the more negative and condemning the rumors, the better and more convenient, and the better it suits the running narrative!

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They’ll also believe it, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. Anytime you hear something about a target that sounds absolutely and utterly absurd to any rational and sane person outside the bullying environment, that’s when you know that Target Derangement Syndrome is at play!

Understand that when you’re a target of bullying and everyone in the environment you feel struck in (and you are stuck in) has TDS, that’s when you know the bullying has taken on a life of it’s own. In essence, you are burned in effigy!

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Here are the signs and symptoms of Target Derangement Syndrome:

1. Others seem to jump at the chance to diminish anything positive about the target. For instance, if you are a target of bullying and you do a good deed that is either visible or gets positive recognition, others in the class, school, workplace, community, or any toxic environment will only disregard it and make statements such as:

a. “He only did that to make himself look good!”

b. “She’s only trying to score brownie points, kiss ass, (etc.).”

c. “Haha! He’s just did that because he thinks it’s going to get him on everyone’s good side!”

When the target reaches a success, others will only rain on it, saying things like:

a. “Oh, God! Anyone could’ve accomplished that!”

b. “He’s trying to show out! He thinks he’s so special!”

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2. People in the environment are wide open with their brutality against the target. Bullies, their followers, and any other bystander who wants to join in the mistreatment won’t even try to hide it anymore. Why?

Because these people know they’re protected from any accountability. They know that their brutality toward you is widely accepted now- even encouraged, or worse, celebrated!

They’ve picked up on the reality that no one will even dare help you (if they know what’s good for them) and won’t utter one word against the open abuse you endure every day. Remember that when others openly abuse you, it’s gotten to a very dangerous level! And you might want to ask yourself this:

“If they can get away with this, what are they likely to do to me next?”

“How much worse will they hurt me later?”

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3. People in the toxic environment are blinded by their own hatred of you. They don’t know why they hate you so intensely. They just do.

If anyone on the outside were to ask them what you did or said to them to make them hate you so much, they either wouldn’t be able to answer them at all, or they would throw just any ridiculous answer out there, without having the goods to back it up.

And they’ll hope to the heavens the person asking is lazy and won’t press the issue further, or worse- (gasp!) challenge them to provide evidence that you’re such a despicable and deplorable person.

They’ll give ad hominem responses such as:

a. “Because she’s just a bitch and I hate her”

b. “Because I just hate the bitch!”

c. “Because he just rubs me the wrong way!”

d. “Because he’s a jerk and a know-it-all!”

And because they can’t come up with anything that makes sense, or, God forbid, produce any evidence to back up their (false) claims against you be prepared for them to fabricate lies out of thin air, or viciously attack the person asking the (very legitimate) questions and in that, pose the threat of making them look like the moronic and brutal monsters they really are!

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4. These people will be intensely angered each time anything positive comes your way. For example, if you win an award, they may not say it to you, but you’ll see it in their faces and body language. They also may talk through their teeth to one another as their eyes blaze at you.

5. They’ll try to destroy your good mood because they’ll hate the possibility that you might be happy and feel good. If you are a target and they see you so much as laugh or crack a smile, here are a few responses you’re likely to hear from them:

a. “What the hell are you laughing about!”

b. “What the @&%# are you smiling about!”

c. “What have you got to be so happy about, bitch!”

d. Shut up, asshole! You laugh like a hyena!”

e. “I don’t see anything funny!”

f. “I wish she’d wipe that stupid smile off her face!”

SHUT UP

SHUT UP rubber stamp over a white background.

6. They’ll shout you down and tell you to shut up, every time you even look like you’re about to open your mouth. Understand that these people don’t think you deserve to be heard, nor to even have the freedom to speak.

7. They’ll all rise against you when you defend yourself. When you have “the audacity” to stand up to them and assert your right not to be abused, they will all gang up on you and gaslight you into believing you asked for the abuse.

If that doesn’t work, expect them to smear you to others. And if that doesn’t silence you, the next step is a brutal physical attack. Always! If they can’t bring you down emotionally, they will do it physically and no one will jump in to help you. I’ve seen this happen and have had it happen to me.

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8. They will watch you like a hawk. Understand they everyone else in the bullying environment will be watching you very closely- waiting for you to screw up even the tiniest bit! They will then beat you down with your mistake and never let you hear the end of it.

But understand that these people are only looking for the slightest infraction to maximize and use against you. They will twist, spin, or add to the most trivial thing you do that’s not quite right to make it bigger and more severe. Something as minuscule as knocking over a glass of milk will be made into a Federal case and they’ll swear you did it deliberately.

If they see you talking to a member of the opposite sex, they’ll swear up and down you’re trying to get laid. But if you happen to be saving yourself for your wedding night, they’ll only call you a prude.

If you take one sip of wine, they’ll call you a sloppy, fall-down drunk. But if you don’t drink, they’ll call you a party pooper, boring, or a stick in the mud. They ‘ll make statements like, “Well, he just doesn’t know how to have a good time!”

You will be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

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You must realize that when the bullying and mass degradation of you gets this bad and seems to permeate the whole of the environment, the hatred and contempt for you has reached such a crescendo that it’s has turned into mass mental illness in those around you. At this point, it more than likely won’t get better. It will only get worse until either one of them murders you or forces you to do it yourself.

At this juncture, the best thing you can do for yourself is to run! These people are dangerous and you must get as far away from them and stay away!

However you decide to do it, get these people out of your life and keep them out because these are people you will never be safe around!

5 Signs of Cyberbullying — The Principal’s Desk

According to Media Smarts, 23% of students reported that they’ve said or done something cruel to another person online. 27% reported that they’ve experienced the same from someone else. With the increased use of collaboration tools and social media, children can be bullied 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Now is the time […]

via 5 Signs of Cyberbullying — The Principal’s Desk