The Reality Behind Reality Shows: How They Glorify and Glamorize Bullying

Good morning, everyone. I hope you all are having a wonderful day so far. Today, I want to touch on a thought, which has occurred to me only recently: Reality shows and the present epidemic of bullying.

I believe that one of the reasons that bullying has become so out of control in our schools is because of the overabundance of reality shows on television, which seem to glorify and glamorize the abuse of others.

Shows like, “Bad Girls Club”, Jersey Shore (which I think are the absolute worst), and The Real Housewives franchise, are shows in which people as old as their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s act like middle schoolers in a locker room brawl. Grown men and women, whom you would think would have a modicum of maturity, often resort to name-calling, bashing others, and yes…even hair-pulling, shoving, punching and kicking.

When I see this, a question always comes to mind: “What kind of example and message are these shows and their stars sending our children and teenagers?”

It’s true that violence has been shown on TV and in movies for decades. However, before reality shows were heard of, TV was not real and kids of my generation understood because our parents never let us forget it. We knew that what we were seeing was only actors playing the parts of fictional characters in fictional shows. Moreover, we were taught not to try anything we saw on TV in real life because it would put us at risk of getting hurt and/or worse. We grew up with the understanding that, “It’s only a television series” or “It’s just a movie” and none of it was real.

Sadly, as television networks slowly run out of ideas for fictional shows and reality shows gradually take over the airwaves, TV is becoming less fictional (and interesting) and is sending the message to kids that bullying is okay, or that you have to be a bully in order to move up in the world…that to get ahead, you have to step over another person. This is WRONG!

Most of the biggest reality stars are lousy role models!

My next post will be Part II of my “Reality Behind Reality Shows” subject, where I will give a more in-depth discussion about reality shows, the bullying epidemic, how these shows get their ratings, and why high ratings seem to equal rewards for despicable behavior. Have an awesome day, everyone.


It’s Not Only About Holding Bullies Accountable. It’s Also About Teaching Victims Confidence!

Good afternoon, everyone. Today, I want to discuss the importance of teaching victims confidence. Sadly, I have noticed that too many people often focus on punishing the bullies for their evil actions. Not that it’s a bad thing because bullies need to be forced to take responsibility for what they do to people, otherwise, they will go on to victimize others and ruin lives. However, we must also focus on helping victims heal and teaching them the confidence needed to bully-proof themselves.

Here’s why:

If the victim does not have the confidence to defend themselves properly, there is a strong chance that they will continue to attract predatory people like a magnet!

Remember that bullies are persistent. They do not give up easily. A bully will not take the punishment gracefully, apologize to the victim and simply leave them alone. No. This only happens on television or in the movies. In the real world, anytime a bully is exposed and reprimanded by authority for harassing their victim, it teaches them nothing.

In most cases, it only further pisses the bully off…AT THE VICTIM! The bully will blame the victim for the humiliation of being exposed and will often intensify the harassment once they return to class from suspension. The torment will then escalate to physical violence! The cycle of bullying will continue and the target’s self-esteem will be further damaged and the person may stop reporting the harassment, due to the threat of being physically harmed.

Even if the bully has a change of heart or is moved away from the victim, chances are that because the target’s self-esteem is still shattered, they will be victimized by other bullies and the harassment will continue, possibly throughout their lifetime if the victim doesn’t resort to suicide first.

Remember that any pack of wild animals (lions, tigers, wolves, etc.) will stalk a heard of prey. They will select and attack the animal that is the weakest/easiest of that heard (the animal that is sick, injured, weak, slow, a runt, a baby animal, etc.). Bullies, although human, in my opinion, are no different!

Therefore, bullying is a cycle. And just as bullies need to be exposed and punished, victims also need a peaceful environment that they can retreat to for healing and confidence building. Unless victims are taught the confidence needed to protect themselves, they will never be able to protect themselves effectively and will always be ripe for the next abuser that comes along.

Have a wonderful week ahead, everyone!

Survivors of Bullying: How Having Been Bullied Affects Them Later in Life

Let’s talk about survivors of school bullying and how having been a victim shapes their personalities. Although being a target is never a good thing, as a survivor myself, I can tell you how my own experiences has shaped me into the person I am today.

  1. Having been bullied has sharpened my “people sense”. I have a sixth sense when it comes to pointing out abusive and controlling people. Here is an excerpt of my book, “From Victim to Victor”, which explains it more thoroughly: “…I am an excellent judge of character. I am very sharp when it comes to figuring people out and I do not have to have a conversation with them to do so. When it comes to seeing through people, I have the eyes of a hawk and can spot a fake a mile away. The only thing I have to do is watch a person, noticing their demeanor, facial expressions and eyes; and I can judge with an uncanny accuracy whether or not that person is credible and I consider this a GIFT! Having been the target of bullying has a way of sharpening a person’s ability to see right through people            I am also very sensitive to the vibes that people put out. I have the ability to pick up on vibes, especially bad ones. And people can say anything with their mouths but if their vibes and/or demeanor does not match what they say, I will, without so much as a warning, drop them like a bad habit. This, I feel, is also a gift. However, these gifts came at a very high price and with a lot of misery and wasted youth. I had to be torn apart by people many times before acquiring and honing these gifts…”
  2. I am very clear on what I will not tolerate. I do not tolerate abuse from anyone and I will call the bully out every chance I get, even if it means facing consequences for it.
  3. I have empathy for and always side with the underdog. One thing that pisses me off worse than anything is seeing someone being mistreated and I will not hesitate to come to that person’s defense. Therefore, if you are a bully and I catch you harassing another person, you will have me to deal with and trust me, it won’t be pretty! You will walk away feeling lower than the person you just bullied. If you think I’m talking just to hear myself speak, go ahead and try it! Please! Pick on an innocent victim in front of me! I dare you! And see what transpires when you do!
  4. As a survivor of bullying, I am difficult figure out because I have an exterior which is difficult to penetrate. I am a private person, so never ask me any questions which are personal. I promise you, you will get a very stern and maybe even a rude, “it’s none of your business” if you do. I feel very insulted when I am asked questions about my personal life because if the person didn’t think I would give them an answer, they would never ask! Although this should go without saying, there are so many rude and nosey people in this world who have no sense of values or respect.
  5. I make it a point not to kiss ass. I spent too many years in school being made to feel that I had no choice but to suck up in order to keep from getting hurt and a lot of good it did me. No more! No way! I don’t believe in joining cliques and getting buddy buddy with you until you have proven that you can be trusted. Understand that winning my trust will take time. Understand that if I do not want to do something, I won’t do it no matter what ramifications I may face thereafter. Also, I love myself and do not need anyone’s approval. I have come to know my own worth as a person and I don’t feel I have to rub noses with those in power or who are considered VIPs in order to feel important.

Have a wonderful evening, everyone!




Using Bullying as a Motivator for Success and Happiness

Good morning, everyone. Today, I want to tell victims that being the object of bullying does not mean that they are failures and it does not mean that they have to give up. Remember that bullies are not only cowards, they’re also liars. Bullies only want to convince you that you are nothing and that you will never amount to anything because they are actually very much afraid that you WILL amount to something. So why not use them as motivation?

Here are ways that you can survive bullying and keep your self-esteem from tanking:

  1. Practice and display any talents that you have. Remember that bullies feed off of your fear. Do not be afraid to show off your talents and receive praise for those talents. And when you do receive praise, never downplay that praise by putting yourself down. You are a victim and you already have enough people who put you down. So, why on Earth would you want to help them??? Accept the praises with a gracious and warm “thank you” and you will be received well by others.
  2. Spend time with those you love and who love you the most. Capture as many happy and memorable moments with these people as possible.
  3. Take care of yourself. Groom and dress the best you possibly can. It is often said that when we look our best, we FEEL our best! So take great pride in your appearance! Groom and dress yourself in a way that makes YOU feel good!
  4. If a great opportunity comes your way, TAKE IT! When your self-esteem has been battered by bullies, self doubt can rear it’s ugly head, making it all too easy to turn down opportunities for fear of failure. Never let low self-esteem cause you to miss opportunities which may better your life. If you are ever in doubt about a task, do it anyway. You might be surprised at how you excel at it!
  5. Do the things you enjoy the most. Most people have hobbies they enjoy and get fulfillment from. Continue those hobbies, even when your bullies say those hobbies are stupid. My bullies always thought my singing and writing was either stupid or a ploy to get attention. It wasn’t. I did them because I got fulfillment from them. Continue your hobbies. You never know when a hobby just might turn into a job that you will enjoy for life…and get paid very handsomely for.
  6. Smile, even when you don’t feel like it. This pisses bullies off because the last thing they want is to see you happy and enjoying life. Also, a smile always increases your attractiveness by leaps and bounds.

If you are a victim of bullying, there’s no better time to do whatever it takes to stay happy and fulfilled. Gather as many successful and happy moments as humanly possible.

Wishing you all a very blessed day!

Cyber-Bullying: Bullying of The Most Devastating Kind

Good evening, everyone. I hope you all are having a terrific Friday so far. Today, I want to discuss bullying in the 21st century- cyber bullying.

I’m fortunate enough to have grown up in a time when cyber bullying was unheard of. When I was in school, “Street Bullying” or “Playground Bullying” was the type of bullying targets of my generation endured.

“Street Bullying” happens face to face. It happens on the playground, in the hallways, the bathrooms and locker rooms at school. Years ago, a student could escape it and have some form of refuge once the dismissal bell rang and school was over for the day. And when it got too much to endure, the victim simply changed schools and the problem was solved.

Sadly, those days are long gone. With today’s technology, bullies have unlimited access to their targets by way of “Cyber-bullying”. During the last twenty years, the advancement of technology has introduced email, text and social media. These new vehicles of communication have their benefits. However, they also have their pitfalls.

A bully can nowadays get online and torment their targets for as long as they want without ceasing nor accountability. They can, in essence, reach into the target’s own home and torment them from afar.

Cyber-bullying, or online bullying, is harassment of another person with the use of social media, text messages, voice mail, email and instant messages. It is, in my opinion, the worst kind of bullying there has ever been. Here are the reasons:

  1. Bullies are COWARDS!
    Your attackers have the ability to hide behind a fake screen name or they may create fake social media accounts to conceal their identities. They do this to avoid detection and the risk of accountability for their evil actions. With a cyberbully, you do not know who is attacking you. Also, they can use several different screen names to make it look like a multitude of people agree with them and are attacking you, when it may be, in fact, only one poster committing the harassment. This is done to further intimidate the target.
  2. Gone are the days when bullying only occurred on the playground or in the locker room. In the days of old, before technology took off, a target could finally escape their tormentors with the ringing of the dismissal bell at school.

Back then, you could go home to your family and not have to worry about being bullied again until the next school day. You could at least get a break from the torment. However, not so anymore. Technology has a lot of good qualities, one of which is convenience. Unfortunately, nothing is 100% foolproof. With the rise of social media, text, voice mail, and email, bullies can now pursue their targets 24-7. There is no longer an escape!

  1. The third reason why cyber-bullying is much worse than traditional or street bullying is because the taunts, insults, threats, rumors and lies can be read by a much wider audience, causing loss of relationships, family, friends, businesses, finances, and opportunities.
    On the emotional side, the target may experience feelings of shock, bewilderment, anger, sadness, despair, depression, hopelessness, and thoughts of suicide.

Traditional bullying is terrible and causes those feelings as well. However, it is something that you can get away from. On the other hand, you can never escape cyber-bullying. This alone is what makes this type of bullying so sinister and so devastating!

If you are a victim of cyber-bullying, it is imperative that you do not respond to the incendiary posts of cyber-bullies, no matter how tempting it may be. However, I realize that some attacks, especially those, which hit you in the jugular, can cause you to respond out of emotion. This does not mean that you are a bad person for responding to attacks. It does not mean that you are stupid. It only means that you are a human being with feelings and our first instinct is always to defend ourselves and our loved ones when threatened. It is completely understandable.

But no matter what our circumstances may be, we must try to never respond to the ignorance and stupidity of bullies or cyber-bullies. As difficult as this may be, it is better to never give internet trolls what they want. And what they want is a response, any response. They want to kick you while you are already down and inflict even more pain. If you respond in any way, shape or form, they will know that they have reached their goal. But if they never hear from you, it’s going to disappoint them and they just might give up and move on to someone else.

Cyber-bullying can happen to people of any age. Not only children and teens, but adults can also be cyber-bullied. Although as an adult, I have gotten along with mostly everyone, there have been a few times that I have been cyber-bullied, one instance being right after the death of my husband. I can tell you that after refusing to respond to any of it, the harassment died and the thread was eventually removed. No one has bothered me since.

Also, in their weak attempts to put me down, my cyber-bullies unwittingly made me so many new friends and I received so much support from all over the country. It is amazing how the actions of a bully can sometimes turn into something wonderful. I will be forever grateful to the people (even strangers) who stood beside me during this tragic time. I hope this helps you in the event that you are cyber-attacked. And I want to assure you that there is always hope, no matter how hopeless a situation may be.

Cyber-bullying can be stressful enough on adults, but devastating for minors. Adults are emotionally better equipped and therefore, more adept at handling themselves in bullying situations, whereas children and teens have yet to fully develop good coping mechanisms.

Children do not have the cognitive thinking skills, nor the processing ability that adults possess. Adults can be hurt by online bullying because they are human and have feelings also. However, any well-rounded adult is better able to look at the situation and see the lies posted online for exactly what they are…LIES. And they have the ability to analyze the bully and see the person as he/she is- useless trash who is in desperate need of a life. And that in itself can actually be a boost to the bullied adult’s self-esteem…just knowing what a bottom-of-the-barrel, miserable piece of garbage the bully really is. In most cases, an adult can usually laugh it off and go on about their business, provided it doesn’t affect his/her family, marriage, business, opportunities, or way of life. An adult can refuse to accept the lies of another bullying adult and tell them to go blow it out their ear.

A child has not learned to do that yet. Children and teenagers have totally different values than adults. While most “mature” adults place the most value on family, career, and home and less value on popularity; children and teens place the most value on popularity…their friends and being accepted. Most children and teens place emphasis on how others (mainly their peers) see them. They want to fit in, be liked, and be “cool”. And when those things are threatened, as they always are when he/she is cyber-attacked, it can have devastating effects on self-esteem.

As parents and grandparents, we need to teach our children confidence as confidence is the best weapon against a bully. In my opinion, teaching confidence is the most effective way to protect them because bullies are cowards and they always seek out kids who are insecure, self-conscious, and have low self-esteem. And they do this because they know that a child with low self-esteem is less likely to stand up to them.

Have a wonderful Thursday!


A Mother’s Three Wishes For Her Son

Twenty-six years ago today, after only 4 hours of labor, I gave birth to my firstborn, a beautiful baby boy and my life was forever changed. I never truly knew love until I looked upon this tiny miracle for the first time. I remember waiting anxiously for six hours for my precious little bundle to get warm in the incubator, then the nurse rolling his bassinet into my room at almost midnight that night because I would not go to sleep until I got to hold my baby. I was that excited! With that said, I want to wish my awesome son, Aaron a very happy birthday. I love you, hotshot! You have brought such joy to my life!

Son, as your mother, I wish for you to someday marry a strong, sweet and virtuous woman. Don’t pick a woman based on looks alone, because although a woman may have supermodel looks, it doesn’t always mean that she is good for you. All to often “beautiful” women are self-entitled because their looks have opened too many doors for them, causing them to be spoiled and demanding. Women such as these have respect for neither themselves, nor others. Marry an average-looking woman who appreciates a good man and all he can bring into her life. Marry someone, who loves and respects you as a man and one you can love and respect in return.

I also wish you many successes in life. However, I want you to realize that some failures are certain in life. My wish for you is to have the resolve to move past those failures and keep pushing with a positive attitude, no matter how adverse things look. If you need to take a break, take one. But do not, under any circumstances, quit! Keep pursuing your dreams with optimism and they will come true in due time.

My third wish is for you to continue to treat others with kindness and respect and know that in this life, there will be those who will not reciprocate that kindness. For kindness builds a great reputation and a good, solid reputation will be the weapon to protect you from those who defame you. Understand that not everyone will like you, no matter how awesome you truly are. But rest assured that it is they who have the issue, not you. Never let anyone steal your confidence or your happiness.

I love you, baby boy. And even after I’m gone, I will stay near you and you will feel my presence. No matter what you do, I will always…always love you and want nothing but the very best for you.

Love, Momma


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To Victims of Bullying: Deep Down, You Know That You Are Not a Bad Person

Good morning, everyone. As most victims already know, bullies are masters at rationalizing their evil behavior. So why can’t victims do a little rationalizing of their own?

If you are a victim of bullying, I want you to know that it is the bully who has the issue, not you. The names bullies call you applies to THEM, not you! The bully is the worthless one. The bully is the waste of space. So the next time a bully tries to convince you that you are all these things, you must dig down deep into your soul and know for absolute certain that you are NOT what your bullies call you. And I want you to COUNTER any negative statements and responses they may hurl in your direction.

Have a wonderful day!

The First Draft of Anything is Always Crap

Good afternoon, everyone. It amazes me that so many people assume that being a writer is easy. It isn’t. It also surprises me that most seem to think that all one has to do to become a writer is to sit down, type a book and voila! You have a finished product. Wrong! It isn’t that simple.

My take on being a writer is this: The first draft of anything is always CRAP! Always! The second and third drafts aren’t so hot either. You don’t just sit down and write a book, expecting to produce a finished product. You rewrite it several times, then you edit…and edit…and edit. And when you edit, it takes more than correcting misspellings, bad punctuation and capitalization. You must also tie up any loose ends that you may have left in your story.

Editing takes repetition. When you edit, your eyes will get tired and you will often miss a few mistakes. Once your eyes get weary, you have to get up, leave it alone for a while, then start again with fresh eyes.

Next, you must publish your work. If you choose to go the traditional route and find an agent. Know that you will get a thousand rejections before you find an agent willing to promote your work and that is, IF you ever do find one. If you go the indy (independent) route and decide to self-publish, you will need to be your own agent and promote your own manuscript.

Writing takes patience and hard work. Being a writer can even frustrating at times. However, I still love and respect the craft! Writing is my passion…my first love and I will never stop doing what I love!

The “Tiny Grain of Truth”-Another Powerful Weapon Bullies Use

Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you are having an awesome day so far and surviving the intense heat. Today, I would like to discuss the “Tiny Grain of Truth Technique” and why it is one of the bully’s most powerful and used tactics.

As I have said a million times before, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars. Bullies have been lying and telling half-truths for so long that they have it down to an ART! Most bullies rarely tell blatant falsehoods. If they did, they would be much easier to expose and punish. Instead, bullies deceive by telling half-truths and adding their own spin.

The grain of truth is used as a starting point for a bully when he/she decides to defame you to others. If you are a bully, the beauty of the “grain of truth” is that it is often mistaken for the “whole truth”.

Also, anytime there is even the smallest grain of truth to a rumor, the rumor can be spun, twisted, and completely taken out of context not only to benefit the bully, but to cause more damage to the victim. And no matter how much a story has been changed and rearranged, that grain of truth is usually all that’s needed to make the story more damaging to the victim and believable to others.

Have a wonderful day, guys! And stay cool!

Writer’s Block is the Devil!

Good morning, everyone. As we all know, Writer’s Block is enemy number one to writers and I have had a serious case of it during the last few days. It steals your creativity and robs you of time you could have spent spreading great ideas and helping others. Although, for me, this does not happen often, it still happens and when it does, I feel as if my livelihood is temporarily gone. The only good thing is that it never lasts! I want everyone to know that this is not the end and I am far from being finished. Wishing everyone an awesome day!