Please Hold On! It Won’t Last Forever! Your Well-Deserved Happiness is Coming!

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To those of you who are being bullied now. Your pain, although intense- even unbearable, will only be temporary and I do not say this lightly. I know what you must be thinking… “But she doesn’t understand! Nobody understands! She’s isn’t going through it and she doesn’t understand the hell I go through every day at work or at school!”

I understand because once upon a time, I was stuck in the same spot that you are in today. I know what it is like to want to smile, laugh, sing and dance and have it beaten out of you. I understand the pain of wanting to believe in yourself and see your own value, only to have others repeatedly and seemingly deliberately, drum into your head that you are nothing.

To want to speak and have your voice heard, only to be silenced with the threat of either physical harm, further degradation and humiliation, suspension, the loss of your job and livelihood, or the threat of having opportunities of future employment ruined! I know all too well the feeling of wanting to move forward and go places, only to have bullies hold you back.

To want to escape the torment, only to be stuck in a toxic environment with toxic people, against your will! I know the horror of having your very existence cursed by others and to be bombarded with death threats. To be forced to sacrifice your own needs and wants for the satisfaction of others! To see others getting gratification and entertainment- all at your expense. I know what it’s like to be marginalized, shut out, devalued as a person, even slapped, kicked, beaten, scorned, disregarded, walked on!

It is a feeling of being run over by a truck, whose driver then stops, throws it into reverse and backs over you again. Then the driver shifts back into drive and mows over you- yet again. Then stops the truck, opens the door, sticks his head out and asks, “Are you dead yet?”.

And any signs of life- any whimper or movement only encourages the driver to close the door, shift into reverse again, and back over you again- just keep running and backing over you until you finally succumb to the trauma and die.

Yes. This is what being a victim of bullying is like. Bullies want to destroy you and it seems that they won’t relent until they are sure that they have done just that.

Free woman enjoying freedom feeling happy at beach at sunset. Be

Free woman enjoying freedom feeling happy at beach at sunset. Beautiful serene relaxing woman in pure happiness and elated enjoyment with arms raised outstretched up. Asian Caucasian female model.

But know this. You will not have to deal with these people forever and Karma does repay- in spades! If you keep believing in yourself, you will go on to become successful and happy and your bullies won’t even matter to you when you do reach success.

You are beautiful! You are smart! You are awesome! And one day, you will cross paths with people who will see your worth and love you- unconditionally- just for being YOU! And you will find a teacher, school, supervisor or employer who will see the good you bring to the table and view you as the asset you truly are!

Don’t give up. You are worth fighting for!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The “Crazy” Label: The Easiest and Most Used Weapon in the Bully’s Arsenal

Good morning, everyone. Do you ever wonder why most targets who stand up against abuse are often labeled crazy by their bullies? Here are the reasons:

1. The crazy label is used by bullies as a last option when there is nothing else they can pin on their victims.

2. It is the most difficult to prove. If you are a target of bullying and you have the guts to stand up against the abuse, the bully may tell everyone that you are crazy and everyone else may believe it too. However, although there is no way for the bully to prove that you are, in fact, crazy, there is also no way that you can prove that you aren’t.

This is why the “crazy” label is just too easy to stick on anyone because people have a strong tendency to see the worst in others and the burden of proof lies with the target. It is damn hard to prove that you aren’t crazy, especially when bullies are attacking you from every direction and wearing you down. The natural human response is to react and defend yourself when you are being attacked and it can very easily be mistaken for mental illness.

I want to assure you that just because the majority says that you are doesn’t mean that it’s true. You are awesome in your own right! You are sane! You are a good person! And you DO matter and have value! Have a great day, everyone!

 

Exposing Bullies And Protecting Yourself From Future Attacks

Hello, everyone! I hope you are having an awesome day so far. As promised, I must talk about how to unveil a bully’s deplorable behavior and defend yourself. I have created a list of several things you can do to rip the mask off and keep yourself safe.

1. Know your enemy. How you do this is to stand back and always OBSERVE the people around you, but without looking like you are watching them. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. I can’t stress enough the importance of this. This is how you find out who the trouble makers are. If you see another student gossip and make trouble for others, you can be sure that in time, they will do the same to you. This is how I now know who to avoid at all costs. However, be advised that avoidance will not work if you have a determined bully after you. If a person wants to get to you badly enough, they will seek you out until they find you.

2. Document everything! As it has been said, “if it isn’t documented, it never happened”. Keep a journal and write down everything. I did this in junior high and high school just in case one of my bullies either hurt me bad enough to hospitalize me, or worse…killed me. You must write down the names of your bullies, the names of any bystanders or authority (teachers, principal, or any member of authority) present at the time the altercation took place, the date, time, place it happened, what happened and if possible, why it happened. Also, record what is said and by whom. Document every… single… detail!!

3. Do not reveal any information about yourself that you would not want to be told to anyone. Including your friends! If you do, you’re asking for trouble because if you are the target of a bully, you can be sure that your bullies will, at some point, either try to pry information about you out of your friends or they will turn your friends against you altogether.

4. Keep a low profile. Don’t do anything that may draw attention to yourself. And stay away from places the bullies may gather. Think, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Just don’t make it obvious to your bullies that you are ducking and dodging them. I avoided several confrontations by simply laying low.

5. Save any threatening texts, emails, and/or voice mails for evidence. And if possible, set your cellphone to record during any altercation brought on by a bully, provided it is hidden in your pocket. You certainly do not want the bully to know what you are doing. keep your composure and be sure not to tarnish the recording by yelling or using foul language. Schools are now becoming more aware of the issue of bullying. If you happen not to have a cellphone, keep a digital recorder handy (if possible) and be ready to record as soon as the torment starts.

6. NEVER brag about any evidence you have against a bully. Not even to your best friend…PERIOD! Again, bullies have a knack for prying information out of people, even your friends. They can also turn your friends against you, making them more than happy to volunteer the information. Don’t do it! Anytime you are a target of bullies, you are in no position to trust anyone!

7. Call the bully out in front of an audience. This is risky and could bring retaliation. However, the bully will also know that you are on to him/her and you just might intimidate them enough that they will leave you alone. It happened for me on a few occasions. But keep in mind that this doesn’t happen for everyone. Calling the bully out in front of people can also humiliate the bully and make that person more determined to get you. So access the bully’s personality and the situation carefully before you decide to do this.

Ripping the mask off the bully…layer by layer. Have a wonderful day, guys!

 

Excuses Bystanders and Even Authority Often Make for a Bully

Good morning, everyone. As we all know, bullies are very practiced and convincing liars and have a flare for using charm to deceive bystanders and authority. Understand that this “charm” bullies often display is fake it is all a part of the smoke screen they put up to cover up bad behavior and avoid accountability. In short, bullies are only actors and actresses.

With that being said, I want to list excuses that bystanders and authority often make for the bully anytime a victim reports them for their appalling behavior.

“That’s just his personality.”

“She’s only expressing herself.”

“He just has a very strong personality.”

“She’s going through a hard time right now.”

“But he’s really a good person, he’s just having issues right now.”

“She’s just having problems at home.”

“He’s just being himself.”

“But he’s so well liked and well mannered. Why would he bully someone like you?”

“But she’s so sweet and everyone loves her. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

These are a few examples of how others justify and condone the bully’s behavior. Don’t fall for it! Call them what they are…BULLIES! Never accept any excuse. It’s true that retaliation may follow. However, stay strong and know that you don’t have to tolerate atrocious behavior from anyone! Tomorrow, I will talk about how you can expose the bully and protect yourself.

Have a great day!

Victims of Bullying May Make Very Poor Choices Just to be Accepted

Good morning, everyone. Today I want to discuss the poor decisions that victims of bullying sometimes make as a result of wanting so badly to be accepted. I know about this because years ago, I was a victim and yes, I made some really bad decisions, some of which continue to affect my life today. At the time, I didn’t really know why I made those decisions. However, today, there is no doubt in my mind that the reason I allowed myself to get into smoking marijuana and having lots of sex during high school was because I was lonely from being bullied.

You see? Most victims of bullying have been bullied for so many years that they will do anything…and I mean ANYTHING, to make friends. After so long, the loneliness, the despair and the sadness becomes too much to bear and desperation starts to creep in.

Young Targets may try drugs, sex, joining gangs, crime and other things just to feel like they belong. Girls may settle for either a partner they don’t really love, or an abusive partner just for validation that they too can attain romance and that they are worthy of love just like everyone else. Girls may also deliberately become pregnant because they want so bad to have someone (the baby) to love them.

If you are a victim of bullying, I can’t emphasize enough that you don’t have to do these things to be accepted or to feel loved. There are better options.

Instead of making dumb choices, practice your talents and do the things you enjoy. Spend time with the people who DO love you. Give a little of yourself to positive others every day and I promise you, it will pay off sooner or later. You will attract genuine friends into your life and best of all, your self-esteem will go up as well.

Have a great day, everyone!

 

Frenemies: Why They Are Worse Than Enemies

Greetings, everyone. I hope you all are having an awesome day. I want to talk about how bully victims often pick “friends” who only tolerate them or those who wish them ill will.

Targets are often lonely and desperate. For so long, they have been wrongly alienated from others due to rumors and lies that bullies have spread about them to keep them from making friends. Because the target is so hungry for a connection…any connection, he/she will befriend anyone…and I mean anyone! They are not selective with who they call “friend” and end up latching on to people who are not even worth knowing…predators, who only take advantage.

Also, young victims often assume that to be “cool”, they have to have a big circle of friends. This is not true.

With that being said, I want you to know that if you are a victim of bullying, you do not need a whole slew of people in your life to be happy nor to feel like or be a whole person. You only need your family and a few true friends. It’s safer this way. Wouldn’t you much rather have just a handful of true friends then to have an abundance of frenemies? I know I would.

In fact, you should prefer to have enemies over ‘frenemies’ because with an enemy, you know exactly where they stand without having to do any guesswork. However, with frenemies, you will always be the last to know after being played for a sucker.

If at any time you wonder about a person…if your intuition is telling you that something is “off”, put some distance between yourself and that individual and do it fast! Instinct is trying to warn you.

If your so-called friends are only tolerating you, stabbing you in the back, or sabotaging you in any way, it’s time to eighty-six these leaches to your self-esteem. And the sooner you do, the better!

Have a wonderful evening.

The Benefits of Not Belonging to Any Clique

Good evening, everyone. I hope you’ve had an awesome day. Too many young people put entirely too much importance on belonging to a certain clique. However, I want to assure these kids that they’re not defined by whether or not they are a member of one, and why they’re actually better off.

There is something to be said for not belonging to any particular group because it allows you to have a great degree of freedom. Anytime you are a member of a clique, club, or group, there are restrictions that come with it, one of which is the unwritten rule against associating with anyone outside of that circle.

More often than not, if a member is caught talking to an “outsider”, that person runs the risk of being ostracized and ousted by the other members. In my experience, it just wasn’t and still isn’t worth being prevented from meeting new and possibly interesting and awesome people.

Also, by not belonging to a clique, you are afforded the freedom to think freely. When you are a member of a circle, your beliefs, attitudes, and opinions will most likely have to be the same as those in your group. If they aren’t, you risk being kicked out and/or worse, bullied.

I think this is complete and utter hogwash! There is no reason why you should not be able to associate with anyone you choose. Also, no two people are the same and you should be free to have your own opinions, beliefs and attitudes. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop trying to please or impress your “friends”. Because if you have to suppress yourself in order to have or keep friends, then these people are not real friends.

Therefore, never allow a clique, or your desire to be a part of one cause you to pass up opportunities to get to know great people, who might someday prove to be wonderful assets to your life! And never allow others to restrict you from being your authentic self! If the clique cannot respect and accept your individuality, then you must ask yourself, “Are these people really worth my time?”

With that being said, I’ll leave you to figure this out for yourselves. I believe that deep down, you already know the answer. Have a wonderful night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bullies Consciously Select Their Targets

Good morning, everyone. I hope you are enjoying your weekend. Anyone, who has ever been selected as a target for bullies knows all too well, the feeling of bewilderment, the confusion…. the questions- The “What did I do wrong?”, “What is it about me?” or “What do they treat me so horrible?” If you are a target, allow me to answer these questions for you.

First, you did NOTHING wrong!

Second, there is NOTHING wrong with you!

And third, they treat you bad because of something that is within THEM! Not YOU!

I want you to understand that bullies purposely select their victims. They know exactly what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. Yes! Remember that bullies are nothing but sniveling little cowards. And they select anyone, whom they don’t believe will fight back. School bullies always select those they think are slow, kids with hearts of gold, who would never hurt a fly, children who are disabled, mentally handicapped or mentally ill, youngsters who are quiet and reserved and children who have what is perceived to be a physical flaw (overweight, underweight, eyeglasses, braces, or disfigured from accidents).

The only way a bully can feel powerful and that they measure up is to have their own little victim to use as their punching bag. If they don’t have that target, they feel less than and will go to the ends of the earth to find one. Bullies will often select other classmates at random to see how they react. If a potential victim stands up to the bully and tells them off, the bully will then slink away with their tail between their legs. They will then search for someone else until they find the victim who responds how they want them to respond (cries, ignores them, walks away, runs, tattles, etc.) Once the bully finds his/her chosen victim, then they target that person, sometimes for years until that person either changes schools, moves, or dies. Then, once again, the bully will be on the hunt for a replacement victim.

I want you to understand that the bully is actually a pitiful person. Only a lowdown, uneducated, sad and pathetic person has to have another person to harm. Think about it! They pick on kids whom they perceive as weak! They stoop so low as to pick on disabled and handicapped kids! Only a losery scumbag creep does that! A zero! A sick moron! So have the courage to call the bully OUT on these things! I realize that there are risks to calling a bully out, but do it anyway. Your self-esteem is counting on you.

Get it in your head right now! Bullies are gutless, pathetic pieces of crap…maggots…human filth! Toilet scum!

Here’s another fact, bullies are also narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. Therefore, there is something dark within them that motivates them to bully others.

I’ll say again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! It is not your fault! And there is nothing about you that would make anyone mistreat you. So believe that you are an awesome, smart, beautiful person! Believe that you are a better person than your tormentors because you ARE! Never allow any bully to convince you that you are less than. Hold on to your faith and to your confidence and counter every negative statements a bully makes.

Have a wonderful weekend!

 

 

 

 

A Message to Every Person Who Either Has, or Presently Struggles With Being the Target of Relentless Bullying

Greetings, everyone! I hope your day is an awesome one. I would like to be a living testimony to every victim and survivor of bullying. The reward I get from this is to be an example of victory and bring down the suicide rate of bullied kids and adults. My wish is to see more bully targets re-empower themselves, snatch back their confidence and go on to live happy and successful lives.

I too was a target of bullying when I moved to a small Tennessee town after having been an Army brat for most of my childhood and having lived in several different areas. From the sixth grade (arrival in this Tennessee town) until I changed schools during my senior year in high school, I was a victim of merciless and relentless bullying and even attempted suicide at age 14 because it had gotten so out of control.

I am so blessed to have survived the attempt and lived on to tell my story. I also went through a second round of bullying…bullying of the more sinister type when my husband passed away four years ago. I was cyber-bullied by not only a few of my former classmates but several others joined in and this was during a time when I was already in mourning. Bullies love to kick you when you are already down.

BUT….I want you to know that the torment will not last forever. There will come a day when you will no longer have to deal with your classmates and you can feel free to be yourself without fear of ridicule. I want you to know that your situation WILL NOT LAST FOREVER! I am living proof of this! I not only survived, but I won. I am now a very confident, happy and successful person! I am the mother of two wonderful sons and the grandmother of one precious grandson! I have a great career and so many friends that I couldn’t possibly keep up with all of them. I have written and am currently working on getting published, a book about my experiences with school bullying. My mission is to reach as many bully targets as possible around the globe and to assure them that they are awesome people in spite of what others say to or about them.

I know your situation seems hopeless and I know all too well the feeling of exhaustion that overwhelms you after having been bullied for so long. The desperately hanging on to your own dignity…the refusing to bow down to your bullies only to be bullied even more for that refusal…the being in a situation that you did not ask to be in and seeing no end to it…the wanting everything to stop! I was there once! But never give up! I know it can be unbearable at times, but hold on to yourself, hold on to hope, hold on to your future! You are worth it! You ARE worthy to be loved by others! You DO matter! You ARE an awesome person! Never forget that!

Wishing you all love, success, peace and happiness!

 

Targets of Bullying: Why You Have Every Right to be Pissed Off and Why You Should Handle That Anger Constructively

Good morning everyone! I want to let you know that if you’re a target of bullying, you have every right to be angry. Here’s why:

Your bullies have slowly, over time, stolen your life from you. They have brainwashed you into believing yourself that you aren’t worthy of being loved, of having friends, of having a date, of having success and happiness. They have psychologically and maybe even physically bludgeoned you. Your bullies may have even taken away your opportunities by the lies and rumors they spread about you to keep you down. Because bullies not only sabotage the victims’ relationships, they also wreak havoc on their job opportunities, opportunities to get picked for a team or to try out in contests and other competitions. They have turned everyone against you, who would otherwise be your best friends and associates. Your bullies have in essence, sucked the life out of you and caused you to become a shell of your former self. You have been held emotionally hostage for so many years by bullies.

Isn’t it time that you got pissed and took your life back? Of course it is! However, you must process the anger constructively. You see? Bullies are waiting for you to screw up and sometimes, it’s really easy to do or say something out of emotion. And it can get you into a ton of trouble. That’s what your bullies are looking for. They push your buttons in hopes that you will react by doing/saying something stupid. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Life is but a vapor and we only get one chance in this world. Make that chance count. Start today by countering every negative statement your bullies may make about you. Tell yourself that you are awesome…that you are a trooper and that you deserve much better than what you have been getting. Become a force to be reckoned with. Stand up and let these confidence thieves know that they are out of your life and they will no longer have an effect on you. Reclaim your power and do it NOW!

Wishing you a wonderful day!

 

Sometimes, Taking Care of Yourself Means Making Some Very Difficult (even Heartbreaking) Decisions.

Change never comes easily, especially positive change. Once you choose not to be a target anymore, you must realize that you may have to make very tough, even heartbreaking decisions. You will more than likely have to weed certain people out of your life for good and sadly, some of those people may even be people that you love very much. You can still love them, ‘nothing wrong with that. However, as much as you may love them, they are not always healthy for you to be around.

It was a decision that I had to make with a family member twenty years ago and again seven years ago. And let me tell you, it was a very painful decision. And when we stopped talking, I missed my family member. No, worse. I mourned the person deeply. Even after all the cutting remarks they had made toward myself and a few others I loved, I still mourned them. It was akin to having a death in the family.

For two years, we did not speak to one another and we were not welcome in each others’  homes. During those two years, from time to time, I would pass this person by in the supermarket, the gas station, or on the road somewhere while driving. No “Hi. How are you?”. No honk and wave. Nothing. We would both just turn our heads and go on about our business. And I would feel my heart sink into my stomach and fight back tears, knowing that there was a possibility that we would never speak again.

There was always that dreadful “Could I have done something different” feeling which always seemed to rear it’s ugly head. Feelings of guilt would emerge even in the midst of knowing I had done the best that I possibly could.

Many of you may be going through something similar but do not lose heart. Your relationship with your estranged loved one is still repairable. I am blessed to be able to say that this story has a very happy ending to it.

After another family member had gotten sick, I received a call from my loved one and we reconciled, apologized and forgave one another. After the reconciliation, I made sure that I was there to lend a helping hand in taking care of our sick family member and we became close again.

Now, we are closer than EVER! We visit each other, we talk on the phone and we never hesitate to tell each other how much we love one another. From this, I learned a very powerful lesson. That lesson is this: Sometimes, it takes a separation to bring people even closer. Walking away, although painful when it happens, may actually be a great thing and produce awesome results later on. Anytime you walk away, your value and the other person’s value often goes up and in time, you both learn to respect one another. Then you love each other even more than you did before.

Why I Have So Many Reasons To Be Grateful

Good morning, everyone. I feel the spirit of gratitude and  today, I want to share with you why I have so many reasons to be grateful. I have survived so many things and I am still here to talk about it. I am a survivor of not one but FOUR automobile accidents (two of these were major). I am also a survivor of an attempted rape and possible murder. I was horribly bullied in school and not only survived, but won by using it to help other bullied teens. I have an awesome family and wonderful friends. I have a nice home and all of my needs are met. I have a great life.

We are not promised anything in this life and we will have roadblocks and storms along life’s journey. It is only when you overcome adversity that you grow from it and reap spiritual benefits that you never thought possible. Always count your blessings because it can be the difference between having a horrible day and having an awesome day.

Kicking Toxic Friends Out of Your Life

Good morning everyone! I hope you all had an awesome weekend. Today, I want to talk about the importance of giving toxic people the old heave ho and what it can do for your self-esteem.

As tweens and teens, it is only natural that we all want to be liked, be cool, and be accepted by our peers. However, when you are a bully victim, those wants can be hard to attain due to lies and rumors that bullies may spread, all for the purpose of keeping their victims isolated and alone. You see? The last thing a bully wants is for anyone, and I mean ANYONE to like you or want to be friends with you.

Often, bully targets will become desperate for friends…for ANY human connection with ANYONE their age. As a result, they may get involved with the wrong people…people who only tolerate them, rather than accept them. But because these new people in his/her life are not directly abusing them (hitting, shouting, name-calling), a bully victim may mistake this as a friendship and latch on.

And while the targets’ back is turned, his “new buddies” at school are rolling their eyes and talking through their teeth. These people are no better than the bullies. They only feel sorry for the kid.

These people are toxic. I understand that being alone is tough. I have been there. But wouldn’t you rather be alone than to crawl up behind people who only tolerate you? I know I would. Be selective of who you call “friend” because a smiling face does not a friend make. And anyone who makes you feel bad does not deserve the privilege of knowing you. So, get rid of them…FAST! You may be friendless for a time but I promise that you will meet new people and make friends. You are worth it! For now, just spend time with family and do the things you enjoy. Better people will be placed in your life.

Have a great day!

Bullies:Who Are They to Decide Your Value?

Good morning, everyone. I hope you are having an awesome day so far. If you are a victim of bullying, I have a question for you and one you should most certainly ask yourself: Who are your tormentors to decide your value? Here’s the answer.

They are nothing, although they desperately want you to think the opposite. Your bullies are irrelevant as far as you are concerned… sniveling cowards, who prey on those they perceive as less than or weaker than. Your classmates would never target someone with confidence because of the high chance of being brought down a peg or two. They absolutely despise challenges because they are intimated by them. The only way the bully can have power is to pursue a target who is EASY prey and only someone who is a weak, pathetic loser his/herself has to have an easy victim. Bullies are wusses!

So let this sink in. Your bullies are scum of the lowest kind. And you should ask yourself, “Are these assholes even on my level?”

These individuals do not pay your bills. They don’t feed, nor do they sustain you. Therefore, they have absolutely no authority over you. Bullies are NOTHING and you owe them just that…NOTHING!

Stand up! Reclaim your power, and let your bullies know that you will no longer take their abuse! Say it and MEAN IT!

Have a wonderful day!